[Subby]

DAY SIXTEEN

This weekend has been interesting. I am finding that when you give up so many of your bad habits, missing one or two isn't the massive trigger it once was to completely shoot yourself in the face. Or foot. Probably foot. I mean, in the past I would not go for a run, so naturally I would eat five pieces of pizza and then around 930pm have a massive bowl of ice cream, then pass out and wake up and eat something else and then stay up until two and force feed myself cookies and drink diet cokes so I could stay awake. HAHHAAHA FUCK YOU FOR NOT RUNNING. I WILL SHOW YOU!

Or maybe I would get up at 8am. Fuck me, already late for work! NO TIME FOR BREAKFAST! Then drive into work, stop at Starbucks, spend $10 on a massive drink, breakfast sandwich AND scone (THEY'RE TASTY!), go out for lunch, eat four pieces of ice cream cake from the work kitchen.

Seriously - all that stuff would just chain event. Day after day after day until I was perpetually weak, chubby, tired, self-defeated, and kinda gross.

This weekend was nice. I stayed up later than I should, and was tired as hell, but didn't go crazy on coffee. I didn't work out Saturday but doubled up on Sunday. I didn't eat great, but wasn't a slob either and never ate after eight. If you miss one, you miss one. You still have 15 other things you are quitting.

So, no surprise, but another massive fail needs to be addressed:

1. No soda.
2. No Starbucks.
3. No Convenience Stores.
4. No ice cream. (unless out with family, then only small)
5. No eating after 8pm.
6. No staying up late. (10p week/11p weekend)
7. No cookies.
8. No buying breakfast.
9. No candy bars.
10. No gorging pizza (2 pieces max)
11. No food from work kitchen.
12. No sleeping in (out of bed at 6am).
13. No skipping exercise (30 min per day cardio min.)
14. No sports drinks (unless after exercise)
15. No more caffeine abuse (2 drinks per day max)
16. No eating in the car.

I thought I would be slick and get my eating in the car problem under control. I did not. Saturday night I made a run to District Taco and ordered a basic breakfast taco with chorizo - FOR THE ROAD. For the road? What am I, a long range trucker? Everything about it was bad (except for the taco - DELICIOUS). I drove erratically. I spilled shit in my car. Teenage girls literally pulled up beside me at a light, glanced over, and quickly glanced away as if I was a fat middle aged man shoving a breakfast taco down his hole AS FAST AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE. I mean, I could have driven the ten minutes it takes to get home and had the food at a table designed for eating (or fuck, in front of the television). But no. EAT IT NOW OR THE COPS FIND ME PASSED OUT AT A LIGHT IN A SUGARBEETUS COMA.

Why do I have to eat so fast in the first place? BECAUSE YOU DON'T KNOW IF AND WHEN YOU'LL EAT AGAIN, SUBBY. THIS COULD BE IT FOR DAYS. I would have lasted exactly one day as a caveman. "What? WE HAVE TO KILL ANOTHER MASTODON IN ORDER TO EAT??? THAT WILL TAKE DAYS!!! FUCK THIS I AM JUMPING IN THAT VOLCANO!"

Not being allowed to eat in the car is me saying fuck you to me for being so weak and spineless. For fuck's sake, WAIT UNTIL YOU GET TO YOUR DESTINATION. No one died at the wheel from hunger. No one. Ever.