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Initial thoughts.
You mentioned counseling for 3-4 years. Even if its not ongoing now, maybe speak with counselor and get his/her thoughts? There are things a counselor can't tell you due to confidentiality but may/can help steer/hint at things.
Maybe college isn't what he needs, maybe its a trade/tech school (e.g. doing something more with doing vs studying)?
Sorry for your tough situation. I wish your family the best.
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