[miami_fan]

CW: long post including race talk.

We had a situation this weekend. I don't mind any advice or thoughts, this is more about getting the events out of my head, as a way to think about how to move forward, a general view of this sort of thing in general.

My son plays on a 16U travel baseball team for an organization that has multiple teams in each age group. He has just joined the organization for the fall season. He is one of three non white players on his team. This is not unusual given where we live and has pretty much been the case on every baseball team he has played since he began playing five years ago. Outside of having questions about one of his Little League coaches then having him be arrested and finding out he was a member of the Aryan Brotherhood, he has not had not had any issues regarding his race nor have I seen anything that would lead me in the direction.

Because of homecoming at different schools last weekend, they combined teams to make one 16U team for the tournament. My son was one of two non white players on the team and one of only three players from his regular team in the combined team. In between our two pool play games on Saturday, the mother of the other non white player told my wife that two of the players on the team had used the N-word in the dugout and may have directed it towards my son. I find out what had happened when my wife very loudly asked my son in front of the other players if anyone on the team called him the N-word. He said no. Once I talked to my wife, I called him over away from the team and asked the same question also asked if he heard them say it to someone else. He said and said if he did he would have said something. I was satisfied with his answers and he went back to warming up. By this time, word has gotten around and of course parents were adamant that not only would their child not say such a thing, they would not tolerate anyone else saying it. Parents asked their players and all denied hearing anyone use the N-word.

I decided to ask the kid who was making the accusations to tell me what happened. I asked his mother if she would allow me to talk to him away from her. She was okay with that. Here is what he said happened. A conversation happened that centered on what race the opposing pitcher was. This conversation was occurring while my son was out of the dugout either hitting, on the bases or coaching first base. There was only one coach coaching the team this weekend and he was coaching at third base. One of the players who is not on my son's regular team said there is no way the pitcher was black because black people can't pitch. Of course that is interesting to me because besides playing first base and outfield, he is also a pretty good lefty pitcher. Someone else said black people can't really play baseball that well. Somewhere along the line, a player allegedly said something and said he almost said it with an "-er" Someone else said something similar about my son. At that point the kid spoke up and said he did not appreciate what was being said and I guess things stopped at that point. I asked the kid why he was not warming up with the rest of the team and he said he did. I brought him over to warm up and instead of sitting next to my wife, I sat next to the dugout for the second game. There was not race talk in the dugout and we ended up winning the game with my son pitching two innings. I did notice a significant uptick in cheering for the kid who had made the accusations.

On the ride home, my wife received a text from one of the parents who said they talked with their child and reiterated that no one in the dugout had said the N-word. He did confirm that the other kid did say he was offended by something that was said in the dugout. He could not remember what it was nor could he remember what they were talking about. It was only when my wife ask my son for everyone to hear that they realized what the kid was offended by and said he must of misheard what they were saying. The mother chalked it up to teenage boys trash talking. At this point, I know the accuser did not make up the story. Something happened. It is just a matter of how much of what he said is true. We go to the games on Sunday. Many of the players who were unavailable on Saturday were able to play on Sunday. We won one game and lost in the semifinals. There were no issues on Sunday. Once we got back home, my wife received a phone call from a different parent asking if we were okay and if we would be coming back to the team. My wife said we were fine. We have had some issues with how the organization had been handling off the field and was considering leaving but changes have been made so we had said we would give it time. The other mother said she talked with her son and he said that he also did not hear anyone use the N word but he confirmed that the conversation about black people and pitching and black people and baseball did happen. Her son said he knew what they were saying was wrong but he did not think it was bothering anyone until the other player said something. My wife told her we were fine and we would be a practice this week. Last night my wife had different conversations with three other mothers. Their sons had played with my son on different teams in the past and came to the new team because we had joined. They were prepared to leave if we were leaving the team. All of the boys are pretty good players and would have guest player options for the rest of the fall season if they wanted.

So that is where we are. You may have noticed I have not said anything about the team's coaches or management role in any of this. One of the issues I had was the coaching of my son's team and the old coach was replaced and we met the new coach for the first time on Saturday. I did not see a need to involved the coach or the management because well what are they supposed to do? This morning, there was a message in the team chat that there will be a meeting for parents and players before practice on Thursday to address team culture. At this point, I am not going to the meeting nor will my son. I don't really see a need for either one of us to attend a meeting about the team culture if the conversation will be about what happened this weekend. I am not comfortable saying for sure that anyone involved is racist. I am also not comfortable saying for sure that anyone is not racist. As we have always done, we asked my son is he is comfortable playing on this team. He told us he likes his teammates and his first impressions of his new coach who is also the varsity coach of a local high school is favorable. So for now, he will be on the field once the meeting is over and we will move forward from there.

Youth sports can be exhausting sometimes.