[Izulde]

Yeah, it's an odd dynamic to have. Essentially what has to happen is that eventually the person in love has to transform their feelings to ones of love rather than in love. It's a damned difficult process, and in most cases, can't ever fully be complete until the other person is married (because then even the remotest possibility of success is eliminated).

As to why these types of friendships continue, it's because at the very core of the thing, the friends genuinely *are* BFFs and very close to each other, despite the inequity of romantic desire. Hell, in my case, with the first marriage, she even told people that I was her only real family there (she considers me like her brother and she hadn't told her parents about the first marriage, which she knew I was not happy about, and which to this day I still don't understand).

The second marriage, all the family on both sides was there and it was an awesome experience, even with the personal stinging heart pain that I kept locked up, because I knew damn well he was the right man for her and he and I have a lot of respect and mutual liking for each other.

It also helps the transition from in love to love a ton when you respect and genuinely like the other person they end up with. It's when you don't like and/or can't respect the other person that things get difficult.

So in the end, that type of friendship can work. But it requires emotional strength and understanding on the part of all the people involved. For a lot of people, and in a lot of cases, that isn't possible.

Also, the fact of the matter is, re: not understanding why either the guy or the girl would want to be in that BFF relationship in that scenario, the closeness of the friendship is such that if it ended, both people would be very unhappy for a long time, because they're an important part of each other's lives.

I've made peace with it myself, and have been periodically interested in other women, and hopefully at some point can get back into the first relationship in a long time (Been 10 years since the one all my friends, including BFF, called Her Blondeness, who I thought would be it - and it's been 4 years since the girl I had something going with but then who pulled a disappearing act on me right before my 30th birthday and before I left on a long international trip).

Strangely enough, it seems like lately every time I get to talking to a girl on a regular basis who's single, she finds a boyfriend that turns into a serious relationship. It's like I'm the conversational version of Good Luck Chuck.