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06-18-2003, 07:40 PM
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#1 | ||
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Resident Alien
Join Date: Jun 2001
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The Bill Gates Challenge, Part V: Big Trouble In Little Texas...
"What the hell is this, Bill?!?" I demanded, tossing the morning edition of the USA Today onto his desk.
"Calm down," he told me. "This is nothing to get all worked up about." I took back the sports section and read Bibi Gunn's headline to Bill: "'Kodos To Be Shipped Back to Rigel IV?' Now how could I possibly find that to be upsetting?" "Kodos, I don't know where she got that from..." "Is that so? Well then how come Mr. White, our friendly janitor, told me he saw our heroine Miss Gunn going into your office last night after I left?" "You're going to believe anything that Danny White told you?" "Just tell me if it's true." Bill sighed. "Okay, Kodos, as a matter of fact, I did talk to Bibi last night, but you're blowing this all out of proportion." "Am I? She says here that you will fire me if we don't start turning a profit within 5 years, or if our total losses exceed $9.2 billion dollars. Bill, we've already lost just under $9 billion! That leaves me with a little over $220 million dollars to work with!" "Kodos, listen. I've been letting you do your thing without interference for 14 years now, and in that time you've cost me almost $9 billion dollars. Do you realize how foolish that makes me look to my friends?" "Bill, you're the one who decided it would be a good idea to spend $6.6 billion to rename Waco! I think that name would have been perfect for you just as it was!" "Let's not get into who's to blame, all right? Look, I know I told you not to worry about money at the start; that's why I'm giving you a chance to right the ship instead of firing you right now. You aliens are good at the whole conquering thing, but you seem to have absolutely no clue when it comes to finances." "I'm sorry, Bill, but I thought Mr. Moneybags didn't care about the money. I must have been mistaken in thinking that you just wanted your petty little revenge and that you wanted me to go to any lengths to get it! In case you haven't noticed, we lose around $160 million a year here. We have a puny stadium that we can't even come close to filling because we are in the middle of B.F.E.! Where do you expect this extra income to come from? Hey, I know! Maybe we built the stadium on top of an oil well! I saw some big oil spots on the parking lot walking in this morning!" "Maybe you should look into cutting costs somehow." "Or maybe I'll be able to find a nice coupon in the paper!... Nope! -- I guess that section must have fallen out in my rush to come wish you a good morning! Well, that's Kodos the moron for you: He's always screwin' up somehow!" "Look Kodos, I know you're pissed off right now, so here's the bottom line in all of this: I need you to turn this franchise into a profitable operation. Since you're my friend and I'm a reasonable man, I am giving you 5 years or $220 million in leeway to accomplish that goal. Now if you don't mind, I have a meeting that should have started 5 minutes ago. You can come on in guys. Me and Kodos are done here." "You bet your fat hairy ass we are," I muttered as I left. ========= Thus began the offseason following our first Super Bowl victory. With a good mind to quit on the spot, I began Part Five of The Bill Gates Challenge: Big Trouble In Little Texas...  |
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06-18-2003, 07:41 PM
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#2 |
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Resident Alien
Join Date: Jun 2001
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Originally posted by Godzilla Blitz:
Jeez, who put the stick up Bill's butt? He wins one Super Bowl, and all of of sudden he wants to make more money? You fix 'em, Kodos! You can do it! Watch out for Bibi though. She's nothing but trouble! |
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06-18-2003, 07:44 PM
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#3 |
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Resident Alien
Join Date: Jun 2001
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If you are a newbie to the Challenge, you may want to check out the previous installments of The Bill Gates Challenge! before reading Part V. And if you like happy endings, you might want to stop right here...
 Part I: In The Beginning... Part II: Don't Mess With Texas! Part III: A New Hope Part IV: The Lords Of The Rings? |
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06-18-2003, 07:46 PM
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#4 |
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Resident Alien
Join Date: Jun 2001
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Our 2013 Financial Performance: A Case Study In How To Lose Gobs And Gobs Of Money
Here's how we managed to lose $131,510,000 last year, broken down in gory detail below. I should warn you upfront, it's not a pretty sight. But it should give you a good idea of what I am now up against. Bill is definitely cramming all the "Challenge" he can into this thing. Why I am staying, I don't quite know. I guess after investing 14 years of my life into this, I would like to see it through to fruition.
Looking at these figures, it's obvious that we will have to go with a cheaper coach and a cheaper scout. Coach Gibson and lead scout Cory Wells are great at what they do, but we have been paying through the nose to keep them. Of course, Coach G is now on the free market and he looks to be way out of our new, more humble price range. Cory is still under contract, but he will almost certainly have to go too. Obviously, the best thing for our team from a pure football perspective would be to keep these guys in place (especially if we would like to repeat as champions), but financially, that would be tantamount to suicide for me. I now have just a $220,800,000 margin of error to work with. In other words, if I continue to lose money at the current rate, I will be out as GM of the Silicon Pirates just in 2 years. This just sucks. I tell ya, after a decade-and-a-half, you think you know somebody... |
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06-18-2003, 07:47 PM
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#5 | |
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Resident Alien
Join Date: Jun 2001
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Quote:
P.S. - Blitz, to misquote my old friend "Super Nintendo" Chalmers, "The stick up that man's butt has a stick up its butt."  I guess it's a good sign if I can laugh about this... |
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06-18-2003, 07:48 PM
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#6 |
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Resident Alien
Join Date: Jun 2001
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Originally posted by DataKing:
I guess this solves your little dilemma about re-signing those high-priced starters whose contracts come up during this off-season and next. Oh yeah, somebody remind me to pelt Bill with peanuts the next time I am down in Gatesville to catch a game. |
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06-18-2003, 07:48 PM
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#7 |
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Resident Alien
Join Date: Jun 2001
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Originally posted by Alf:
Why is it you chose 9.2 billion and not 10. That would be a more rounded and/or pretty good number. |
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06-18-2003, 07:48 PM
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#8 |
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Resident Alien
Join Date: Jun 2001
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Unfortunately, I didn't have any say in the number. That was Billy's choice.
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06-18-2003, 07:49 PM
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#9 |
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Resident Alien
Join Date: Jun 2001
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Originally posted by Stan G:
Good to see that the USA Today is still around. Guess the Al Quida didn't win their holy war. Why doesn't Bill G help you out by selling Windows NG (next generation) at a super discount to season ticket holders? |
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06-18-2003, 07:49 PM
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#10 |
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Resident Alien
Join Date: Jun 2001
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Bill doesn't seem to be inclined to help me out right now. Maybe the Super Bowl victory has gone to his head, but he wants me to start making some cash, and he doesn't want to help me do it. So, I will have to cut expenses where I can and hope for the best. I may only have a couple years left if I can't turn these finances around...
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06-18-2003, 07:50 PM
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#11 |
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Resident Alien
Join Date: Jun 2001
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Originally posted by jfbbis:
I lost track of time : can you build a new stadium (one with luxury boxes) ? Maybe it would help... |
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06-18-2003, 07:50 PM
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#12 |
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Resident Alien
Join Date: Jun 2001
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Not until 2022, alas. I would love to build a new stadium, but we can't even sell out what we already have, so maybe it wouldn't be that great anyway.
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06-18-2003, 07:51 PM
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#13 |
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Resident Alien
Join Date: Jun 2001
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Bring In The Scabs...
In an effort to cut our expenses down to a more manageable size in 2014, and perhaps in the process save my worthless job, I opted not to even bothering trying to re-hire Coach Jerry Gibson, who was way out of my new price range. Coach G ended up signing a 2-year deal with the Bills worth $12.62 million per season. Newcomer Irv Saxon signed a 5-year, $3.2 million per season deal with us. This little move should save us somewhere in the neighborhood of $47.6 million this year when compared to last year, if my calculations hold up. Comparing The Coaches: After a painful search for a new coach, it was out with the old (Jerry Gibson), and in with the new (Irv Saxon). While Irv's credentials are admittedly a bit less impressive than Jerry's, you should keep in mind that Irv is a year younger than Jerry and he will probably be able to make up the difference in one year's time. 
Comparing The Scouts: Send In The Clown? The switch to a new scout actually proved to be the more painful downgrade of the two that I was forced to make. Cory signed a 3-year deal with Green Bay worth $1 million per season, while I signed Randall Parra to a 4-year deal worth a relatively paltry $330,000 per season. This should end up saving us somewhere in the neighborhood of $30 million when compared to our 2013 season. As I would soon find out, though, Parra was a huge mistake for us...
These two moves should cut our 2014 expenses down by approximately $78 million. However, even after that, we should lose somewhere around $54 million in 2014, unless we can find a way to increase our revenues through increased ticket sales or something. Right now, it is really hard to see how I can make this team profitable by the end of the 2018 season. On the other hand, if I do in fact lose the projected $54 million a year each of the next 4 seasons, I'll be almost gone after the 2017 season (with just $4 million to spare). To quote Goose from Top Gun: "This is not good! This is not good!!!"  |
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06-18-2003, 07:51 PM
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#14 |
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Resident Alien
Join Date: Jun 2001
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Originally posted by cthomer5000:
hey, you are super bowl champs...so here's some advice: Can you say Personal Seat License? And jack up the prices on luxury boxes/club seats BIG time. Corey |
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06-18-2003, 07:52 PM
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#15 |
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Resident Alien
Join Date: Jun 2001
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Originally posted by Godzilla Blitz:
Ew, that "poor" on young talent has got to hurt for old Irv there. And your scout is pretty much a crap shoot, I would think. This should be an interesting season! Good luck! Nice twist you've added! |
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06-18-2003, 07:52 PM
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#16 |
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Resident Alien
Join Date: Jun 2001
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cthomer: One small problem. No luxury boxes. Just seats. Lots and lots of empty seats! I would do the PSLs, but I can't fill my stadium as it is. I fear to use them now would only hurt my poor attendance further. My strategy is to try to get the rest of the seats filled, and then jack up the prices.
GB: Thanks for the compliment! Basically, I didn't want this thread to become too boring or predictable. After all, there's lot of competition out there in the dynasty reports these days!  (A good thing!) I would rather kill off this thread while it is still strong than let it linger on well past its prime (like The Simpsons, for instance). As long as I can keep it interesting, I will keep it going. The money problem assures my continued interest for a few more seasons...  Oh, and don't worry too much about letting me die in X-Com Defense. I think you'll find that we aliens have amazing powers of regeneration... |
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06-18-2003, 07:53 PM
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#17 |
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Resident Alien
Join Date: Jun 2001
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Originally posted by Vince:
Like Godzilla said, great twist...this should prove to be quite a challenge. Although I'm not too familiar with FOF results (I'm more of a TCY guy), how much of an effect will that Super Bowl win have on your attendance next year? Realistically I'd think you would be selling out by now... Looking forward to the future of this dynasty, as always |
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06-18-2003, 07:53 PM
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#18 |
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Resident Alien
Join Date: Jun 2001
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I'm hoping that it will boost attendance quite a bit, but I don't really know. We'll find out soon, I guess. Thanks for your support! And thanks for killin' that bastard alien who killed me! Don't worry though - we haven't seen the last of good ol' Kodos just yet.
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06-18-2003, 07:54 PM
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#19 |
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Resident Alien
Join Date: Jun 2001
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2014 Ticket Prices
Dallas raised their tickets a few dollars here and there for the upcoming season, and we matched them. Some day, if we start getting sellouts, I will raise my prices above what the Cowboys charge (we are a superior team, after all), but until then, I will match them. I figure raising prices too much would only result in even lower attendance than we had last season.
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06-18-2003, 07:54 PM
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#20 |
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Resident Alien
Join Date: Jun 2001
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2014 Free Agent Period:
2014 Free Agents: We entered the 2014 offseason with three important players no longer under contract. Al Ingram Rickey McGregor Kyle Diaz While I considered placing the franchise tag on Ingram, in the end I opted to let him test the waters of free agency and hoped for the best. I also let Diaz and McGregor test the waters, but was fairly confident that Diaz would not sign anywhere else. If all went well, I would be able to re-sign one of my favorite players (Diaz) after the draft for a fairly modest price. The players below were all entering the final year of their contract, and, with the exception of Lazetti, who I now viewed as expendable due to Matthews' performance in 2013, I very much wanted to extend them all with new contracts. While this was a risky strategy considering my newly-imposed financial problems, I decided that the best way to survive was to continue to field a top-caliber team to help boost attendance. At some point, a fire-sale may be necessary, but for now I am planning to stay the course with the team I have built. Devin Bergeron Chuck Farley Levon Wallace Michael Lazetti Darren Cruise Joel Harden Dave Sanders Edgar Justus Wham, Bam, Thank You, Man! In order to clear some cap room, I traded our former starting RB, Michael Lazetti, to the Colts for their third round pick in 2015. Net savings: $6.65 million. While I liked Lazetti, I just couldn't justify his salary as a backup, and if I didn't trade him now, I would get nothing in return next season when he left through free agency. 2014 Re-Signings & Renegotiations: With a little more money to throw around, I quickly set about extending the contracts of our most valuable players whose contracts would be up after this season. Joel Harden, our starting left corner, signed a 4-year deal worth $30.37 million, including an $8 million bonus. Many folks will be glad to know that Chuck U. will be sporting the crimson and pewter* for at least 3 more seasons. We renegotiated a 3-year, $11.75 million deal with a $2.3 million bonus with him. * (Note: We changed our uniform colors for 2014! Pewter has replaced the blue, as our previous blue/red combo was just too ugly! I don't know what Bill and I were thinking! Some in the press have been saying that our new logo looks suspiciously like Bill in a Pirate costume wielding a mouse...) Starting fullback Levon Wallace agreed to a new 3-year deal worth $9.03 million with a $1.38 million bonus. Starting right guard Darren Cruise signed a 3-year, $12.39 million deal with a $2.76 million bonus. All-pro free safety Dave Sanders signed a 4-year, $20.35 million deal with a $4 million bonus. And finally, we signed last season's league MVP to a 5-year, $68.68 million deal with a $10.5 million bonus. Stay healthy, Berg - please!!!! We were unable to get Edgar Justus to sign a reasonable deal, so he will be playing 2014 without a new deal in place for 2015. Cowboy Huntin': In an effort to replace Ingram should we not be able to re-sign him, we went after the Cowboys' Terrance Fuller, their starting WILB from 2013. We offered Terrance $16.05 million over 3 years with a $3.4 million bonus, and he signed with us after the first week of free agency. Backup QB Morris Ellison, who was in the final year of his contract, was cut to help free up some money to sign Fuller. Shockingly, no other Cowboys were worthy of a pilferin'. Ingram, Diaz, and McGregor in Free Agency: In the 11th week, the Jags made an offer to Ingram, but soon ran out of money and couldn't sign him. No other offers were forthcoming, and in the end, none of our guys were signed by another team. We'll just have to see if we can't sign them after camp! |
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06-18-2003, 07:55 PM
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#21 |
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Resident Alien
Join Date: Jun 2001
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The 2014 Draft Disaster:
I made one crucial mistake when I signed Randall Parra to be our scout this season. At the time when I signed Randall, I was thinking that I pretty much knew what I had on offense, and could just re-sign the guys I had, thus keeping the offense intact while helping boost my team's cohesion as well. Therefore, I thought getting a scout who was weak on offense wouldn't be that big a problem. Parra, who just happens to be an abysmal judge of talent on offense, was well-rated as a judge of defensive talent, except for defensive lineman. I figured that he would be good for helping to shore up our defense a little. But I forgot one key thing: unless they are from Texas, I can't draft 'em, and unless they are undrafted, I can't sign 'em as a free agent. CRAP! Basically, I can see who is good on D, I just can't draft them. Combine this with the fact that our first pick is at the very end of the first round (when all of the good defensive prospects have been taken anyhow), and what you get is a totally blind draft! I have no idea who is good on offense, and there is nobody worthy of drafting from the state of Texas on defense! Damn it! A totally wasted draft because of my oversight. I just hope it doesn't end up costing me too badly. Arrrrrrrrrrrrghh! Anyhow, here's who we drafted. Who knows if any of them are worth a darn... Worst. Draft. Ever. Rnd 1 - Gene Flannery, C, Miami, Florida Rnd 2 - Kyle McAfee, T, Kansas Rnd 3 - Luke Birk, QB, Maryland Rnd 3 - Everett Schwarz, RB, Vanderbilt Rnd 4 - Bill Carr, P, North Carolina State Rnd 4 - D.J. Gunn, LB, Texas Rnd 5 - Lincoln Flannery, TE, Pittsburgh Rnd 5 - Ross Corbett, TE, Florida Rnd 6 - Tony Stazer, LB, Southern Methodist Rnd 7 - Ernest Conner, S, Texas |
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06-18-2003, 07:55 PM
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#22 |
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Resident Alien
Join Date: Jun 2001
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Post Draft Note:
Backup center Bubba Linquist was shipped to Pittsburgh for their third round pick in 2015 in order clear some room to sign the rookies. 2014 Training Camp: After signing our fine crop of rookie draftees, it was off to camp. We maxed out training on the following formations: I Strong Singleback Goalline 4-3 Nickel Here's what Randall Parra thought about our team after camp, not that I particularly care... From the desk of Randall Parra of the Gatesville Silicon Pirates
Cory, come back!!! |
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06-18-2003, 07:56 PM
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#23 |
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Resident Alien
Join Date: Jun 2001
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Post Camp Signings / Releases:
As you can see from above, we were able to re-sign Ingram and Diaz after camp. Ingram's deal was for 1 year at $1.47 million with a $390,000 bonus included. Diaz signed a 1-year deal for $1.08 million with no bonus. McGregor was still asking for too much, so we couldn't re-sign him. Good luck, Rickey. We also let starting strong safety Billy Joe Shannon go to save $1.89 million. If Parra is right, we have other guys who are just as good and much cheaper at safety. We shall see... |
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06-18-2003, 07:56 PM
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#24 |
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Resident Alien
Join Date: Jun 2001
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2014 Season Ticket Sales:
In a sign of some progress, we were able to sell 30,700 season tickets for 2014, up 4,500 from 2013, when we sold 26,200. While the increase was okay, I was frankly hoping for more. I mean, a lot more. |
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06-18-2003, 07:57 PM
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#25 |
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Resident Alien
Join Date: Jun 2001
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2014 Exhibition Season:
We managed to go 3-1 in the exhibition season, but we didn't exactly win in convincing fashion for the most part. Luckily, Dallas didn't fare too well either.
2014 Exhibition Standings: Like I said, we finished ahead of the Cowboys, but it was hardly impressive how we did it.
Key Injuries: Heading into the regular season, Darren Cruise, our starting right guard will miss a couple weeks due to a concussion. Terrance Read's injury is unfortunately much more serious, as our starting left tackle will miss 2-3 months with a dislocated knee. |
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06-18-2003, 07:57 PM
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#26 |
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Resident Alien
Join Date: Jun 2001
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2014 Schedules:
Gatesville: We will be done playing the Cowboys by midseason, by looks of the schedule. Hopefully we will have extended our lifetime series advantage by two games come Week 9 of the season. Week 1 NEW YORK JETS Week 2 DALLAS COWBOYS Week 3 PHILADELPHIA EAGLES Week 4 Des Moines Timber Wolves Week 5 WASHINGTON REDSKINS Week 6 Arizona Cardinals Week 7 OPEN Week 8 Dallas Cowboys Week 9 MIAMI DOLPHINS Week 10 GREEN BAY PACKERS Week 11 Richmond Wranglers Week 12 Philadelphia Eagles Week 13 ARIZONA CARDINALS Week 14 Washington Redskins Week 15 Indianapolis Colts Week 16 ATLANTA FALCONS Week 17 Tampa Bay Buccaneers Dallas: Week 1 INDIANAPOLIS COLTS Week 2 Gatesville Silicon Pirates Week 3 CHICAGO BEARS Week 4 ARIZONA CARDINALS Week 5 PHILADELPHIA EAGLES Week 6 Washington Redskins Week 7 Des Moines Timber Wolves Week 8 GATESVILLE SILICON PIRATES Week 9 WASHINGTON REDSKINS Week 10 Detroit Lions Week 11 OPEN Week 12 MINNESOTA VIKINGS Week 13 New England Patriots Week 14 Arizona Cardinals Week 15 Philadelphia Eagles Week 16 NEW ORLEANS SAINTS Week 17 Carolina Panthers |
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06-18-2003, 07:58 PM
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#27 |
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Resident Alien
Join Date: Jun 2001
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2014 Starters
Offensive Starters: Other than Herb Matthew starting at RB in place of the departed Michael Lazetti, our entire starting offense from 2013 has returned to start in 2014, if you ignore the current injuries to Cruise and Read. Hopefully, this is good news. Rookie tackle Kyle McAfee will start for Read until he is able to return, while second year guard Rob Stanton will replace Cruise until he returns. QB - Devin Bergeron RB - Herb Matthews FB - Levon Wallace TE - Chuck U. Farley FL - Earl Thornton SE - Ralph Randle LT - Terrance Read LG - Rusty Pleasant C - Jonathan Farmer RG - Darren Cruise RT - James Pond Defensive Starters: Our d-line returns intact from last year, not that anyone but Rhoades was really a star. The linebackers have been shuffled a bit to include the newly-acquired Terrance Fuller, and the secondary has lost Billy Joe Shannon at strong safety. LE - Patrick Sanders NT - Joey Rhoades RT - Eric Cash RE - Frankie Farley WOLB - Terrance Fuller WILB - Al Ingram SILB - Maurice Rousseau SOLB - Allen Whitfield LCB - Joel Harden RCB - Edgar Justus FS - Dave Sanders SS - Percy Stewart Let's play some football, men! |
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06-18-2003, 07:58 PM
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#28 |
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Resident Alien
Join Date: Jun 2001
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Originally posted by Godzilla Blitz:
Here's to a repeat season! And a profitable one at that. I'll be away from FOF for a while, but will read through everything when I return! Good luck! |
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06-18-2003, 07:59 PM
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#29 |
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Resident Alien
Join Date: Jun 2001
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Originally posted by revrew:
Welcome the return of the Pirates! Glad to see provisions were made for Chuck. As was said of another future hall-of-famer, "All he does is catch touchdowns." That's a good thing. In fact, let's calculate: in a good year, a QB throws for 30 TDs. The running game produces another 15. Defense and special teams contributes another 5. Total=50. If Chuck catches 10, that's 20% of the team's tuddy production. Given margins of victory, 20% is good for 5-6 wins. Chuck U for MVP! |
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06-18-2003, 07:59 PM
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#30 |
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Resident Alien
Join Date: Jun 2001
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That's some fine math you got goin' there, my friend. Here's some more math to enjoy: "Chuck U. = MVP!"
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06-18-2003, 08:00 PM
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#31 |
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Resident Alien
Join Date: Jun 2001
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2014 Regular Season
Week 1 New York Jets (0-0) at Gatesville (0-0) ============================================= Attendance: The rematch of last season's Super Bowl contestants drew a crowd of 44,700 people on this fine fall day. You see that, folks?! You win a Super Bowl, and it pays off with a big leap in attendance. Why, our home opener last season drew just 44,600 folks! Well, I guess this just shows what winning the pinnacle game of the season convincingly with a record-tying 17-2 record (only 2 other teams have achieved that mark in the last 15 years) and a record-smashing offense featuring the League MVP can do for a franchise's popularity. We gained 100 (count 'em!) fans over last season! My job is safe! I just know it! Why, you ask? Because the people here in Texas just worship this team! The Game: We built a 20-0 lead in the first half with the help of a 9-yard Ralph Randle touchdown grab and a 14-yard Herb Matthews TD reception. In the second half, Rufus Steel, starting in place of the injured Chad Pennington at QB, threw touchdowns of 41, 85, and 20 yards to make things a little more interesting, but we held on with the help of 2 Matthews rushing touchdowns to win 34-21. Key Performers: Herb Matthews won the Game MVP and Offensive Player of the Week awards based on his 17 carry, 167 yard, 2 TD performace, which he supplemented by pulling in 4 catches for 59 yards and another score. Berg went 21/31 for 245 yards and 2 TDs to commence his bid for a second consecutive League MVP award. Ralph Randle made 6 catches for 69 yards and 1 TD. Al Ingram recorded 9 tackles, 3 assists, and 1 sack. Key Injuries: In more bad news for our offensive line, starting right tackle James Pond suffered a stretched knee ligament and will need 3-5 weeks to recover. ============================================= Indianapolis (0-0) at Dallas (0-0): The Cowboys started off their 2014 campaign with a 34-18 victory over the Colts. They will travel to Gatesville in Week 2 for a battle of undefeated NFC East powerhouses. Be there if you enjoy watching the Cowboys lose!  |
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06-18-2003, 08:01 PM
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#32 |
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Resident Alien
Join Date: Jun 2001
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From: Randall Parra
To: Bill Gates & Kodos Subject: Dallas Cowboys Injury Report: Michael Robertson, G - Questionable Irv Lanier, C - Out Rufus Meadows, CB - Doubtful Starting Quarterback: Roosevelt Murray 13 for 25, 103 yards, 1 TDs, 2 interceptions this season. Very good at throwing short passes. Starting Running Back: Lester Reynolds 22 carries for 147 yards, 2 touchdowns this season. Excellent overall runner. Starting Flanker: Gino Burroughs 3 receptions for 37 yards, 1 touchdowns this season. Excellent hands. Starting Split End: Dale Corbett 3 receptions for 36 yards, 0 touchdowns this season. Very good third down receiver. Defensive Overview: Starting Left Defensive End: Herb Page 1 tackles, 1 assists, 0.0 sacks this season. Good pass-rusher. Starting Right Defensive End: Marlon Linquist 2 tackles, 0 assists, 0.0 sacks this season. Very good defender against the run. Starting Left Defensive Tackle: Sean Ross 4 tackles, 0 assists, 1.0 sacks this season. Very good pass-rusher. Starting Right Defensive Tackle: Cory Mallory * Former Silicon Pirate 3 tackles, 1 assists, 0.0 sacks this season. Fair pass-rusher. Starting Weak-Side Linebacker: Eric Blades 4 tackles, 4 assists, 1.0 sacks this season. Excellent defender against the run. Starting Middle Linebacker: Randal Caldwell 9 tackles, 3 assists, 0.0 sacks this season. Good zone pass defender. Starting Strong-Side Linebacker: Timothy Meadows * Former Silicon Pirate 3 tackles, 0 assists, 0.0 sacks this season. Good defender against the run. Starting Weak-Side Cornerback: Joel Flannery 8 tackles, 0 assists, 0 interceptions this season. Very good zone pass defender. Starting Strong-Side Cornerback: Jerome McCarthy 4 tackles, 2 assists, 2 interceptions this season. Excellent pass intercepter. Starting Free Safety: Greg Drayson 3 tackles, 3 assists, 1 interceptions this season. Excellent man-to-man pass defender. Starting Strong Safety: Shawn Treadway 4 tackles, 2 assists, 0 interceptions this season. Very good pass intercepter. |
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06-18-2003, 08:01 PM
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#33 |
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Resident Alien
Join Date: Jun 2001
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Week 2
Dallas (1-0) at Gatesville (1-0) ============================================= Attendance: 44,700. The Game: This game was going just peachy for the first 3 quarters. A long Justus interception return for a TD, a short Douglas run, and an 18-yard Randle receiving touchdown had us well out in front, 24-3, heading into the fourth quarter, despite 2 Berg interceptions in the first quarter and another to start off the third quarter. That's when the horror began. With 5:50 to go in the game, Roosevelt Murray hit Everett Weiner with a 13-yard touchdown pass to make it a 24-10 ballgame. Oh well, so our margin of victory would be smaller. We were still gonna win. With just 2:20 to go in the fourth, Murray hit Peter Duvall for a 14-yard touchdown to make it a one-score affair, 24-17. Still, it appeared that we would be able to just run out the clock on our next possession and leave the field with yet another win over the Cowboys. On the ensuing kickoff, rookie WR Antoine Dugans managed to fumble the ball, and Dallas WR Oliver Carnahan managed to recover it. Oh no. Oh no-no-no! Twenty-nine seconds after their second TD of the day, the Cowboys got their third, as Murray found Weiner once again for an 8-yard TD with 1:51 left to go. What just four minutes ago had been a cushy 24-3 lead was now an unbelievable 24-24 tie. Still, with a strong offense and one of the league's best kickers, we felt that we would be able to drive down the field and kick a field goal to win the game by the skin of our teeth. Or, in a worst-case scenario, we would at very least be able to run out the clock and take the game to overtime. Not so much. An illegal block on the kickoff return negated Dugans' 21-yard return and gave us the ball on our own 1 yard line. Three straight incompletions by Berg gave us a three-and-out that burned just 14 seconds off of the game clock. Following the Bill Carr punt, the Cowboys had the ball on our 42 with 1:09 left in regulation. One Murray pass and a couple of short runs set up a 37-yard Perez field goal attempt as time expired. It was good, of course. Game over. Dallas 27, Gatesville 24. What just happened here, folks?  We held them to 24 rushing yards on 20 carries, yet we still managed to somehow snatch defeat from the jaws of victory?This is really starting off as the season from hell, folks... Key Performers: Turnovers were our downfall in this game, and Berg was responsible for 3 of them. He finished our opening drives in both halves with interceptions, and ended the day having completed just 20 of 37 attempts for 271 yards, 1 TD, and 3 interceptions. Crap. Matthews had 16 carries for 55 yards, as well as 6 catches for 53 yards. No TDs. In contrast, Cowboy QB Roosevelt Murray completed 21 of 39 passes for 3 TDs and 1 interception. Jackass. |
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06-18-2003, 08:02 PM
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#34 |
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Resident Alien
Join Date: Jun 2001
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Originally posted by revrew:
Obviously, the problem is that Berg forgot about his go-to man, thee man, Chuck Ulysses Farley. Now he's paid for this blunderous oversight with a loss to the Boys. Didn't score too high on the SAT now, did he? |
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06-18-2003, 08:02 PM
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#35 |
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Resident Alien
Join Date: Jun 2001
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It's true. So far Chuck has been a total non-factor. How could Berg forget him like that?
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06-18-2003, 08:03 PM
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#36 |
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Resident Alien
Join Date: Jun 2001
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Originally posted by revrew:
20% of your offense is a terrible thing to waste... |
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06-18-2003, 08:04 PM
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#37 | |
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Resident Alien
Join Date: Jun 2001
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Originally posted by DataKing:
Quote:
All right! You're destined for a Super Bowl repeat now that you have a Jayhawk on your team Kodos! DataKing makes a mental note to recruit Kyle McAfee in 2009 or so. Depending on how 'Big Kyle' does, he might just be able to challenge Chuck U. as my favorite Silicon Pirate. Tough break in the Dallas game. Hopefully this is the sort of thing that can wake a team up, and make them realize that they can't just walk their way into another Super Bowl berth. |
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06-18-2003, 08:05 PM
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#38 |
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Resident Alien
Join Date: Jun 2001
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Originally posted by Godzilla Blitz:
Wow! That Dallas loss was some kind of ugly. I don't think I've ever seen a comeback like that. That was painful to read. Let's hope it's a good wakeup call! |
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06-18-2003, 08:05 PM
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#39 |
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Resident Alien
Join Date: Jun 2001
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DK: Well, McAfee got thrown into the fire immediately with the injury to Read, and so far he hasn't let Berg get killed, so that's a good sign I s'pose.
As for the wakeup call theory, we'll just have to see I guess. I'd hate to start sucking again just because of staff changes. Especially since my job seems to be on the line. P.S. - I talked to Bill today, and he told me something that was reassuring to some extent. He said that he would never fire me in an offseason following a Super Bowl victory, even if I keep losing money. So there's one loophole, I guess. |
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06-18-2003, 08:05 PM
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#40 |
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Resident Alien
Join Date: Jun 2001
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Week 3
Philadelphia (0-2) at Gatesville (1-1) ============================================= Attendance: 42,900. The Game: We came into this game wondering if the late fourth-quarter collapse against the Cowboys in Week 2 had been just a hiccup, or if it was a more dire sign of a franchise going downhill fast. The Eagles game would be a barometer to see just where we stood. A solid victory for us, and we could perhaps write off the loss as bad luck. A defeat at the hands of the perpetually-bad Eagles, and it would be time to seriously worry about our team. As the teams took to the field, the thermometer fell just two degrees short of 100. Factor in the driving rain, and we had the makings of a sloppy game. Early on, Dave Sanders intercepted Philly QB Buddy Liu and returned it for a score to highlight a 10-0 first quarter. A Levon Wallace touchdown plunge in the second made it 17-7, and with the help of a 13-yard Thornton TD reception in the fourth quarter, we went on to a fairly solid 31-14 victory over the hapless Eagles. Key Performers: Dave Sanders apparently got the Game MVP award for his interception return, since he only had 3 tackles and an assist on the day. Herb Matthews ran the ball 15 times for 49 yards. He also made 4 catches for 53 yards. No TDs. Berg completed 18 of 30 passes for 251 yards and 1 TD an no interceptions. Unfortunately, in the driving rain, he coughed up the ball twice. Ty Robbins had a good day with 5 catches for 94 yards. ============================================= Chicago (0-2) at Dallas (2-0) The Cowboys won for the third straight time, 31-13, to maintain their one-game advantage over us in the NFC East standings. |
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06-18-2003, 08:06 PM
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#41 |
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Resident Alien
Join Date: Jun 2001
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Week 4
Gatesville (2-1) at Des Moines (2-1) ============================================= The Game: Chuck Farley came out of his slump in spectacular fashion in this game, as he scored three times to outscore Des Moines 18-6 all by himself! At the end of the day, we had won a laugher by the score 39-6. Key Performers: Chuck U. only caught 5 balls for 28 yards, but made the most of those catches with 3 scores from 6, 1, and 6 yards out respectively. What a red-zone weapon he gives us! Berg had a fine day, as he completed 25/41 for 407 yards, 4 TDs, and zero interceptions. Though he won the Game MVP award (Chuck was robbed!), he did fumble twice. Matthews had toted the ball 10 times for 41 yards while also catching 3 passes for 23 yards. Ralph Randle had a great day too, as he caught 9 balls for 209 yards and 1 TD. I guess we know who set up all of Chuck's TDs! Dave Sanders had 4 tackles, 1 assist, and 2 interceptions on the day. Three other guys each had one pick, for a total of 5 on the day. I guess it'd be fair to say that Des Moines QB Artie Nicholas had a bit of an off day...============================================= Arizona (3-0) at Dallas (3-0) While Arizona looked like a legitimate threat to end the Cowboys' lucky streak, it was not to be, as the Cowboys won 28-21 to push their record to 4-0. What the heck is going on over there in Dallas? |
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06-18-2003, 08:07 PM
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#42 |
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Resident Alien
Join Date: Jun 2001
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Week 5
Washington (2-2) at Gatesville (3-1) ============================================= Attendance: 44,100. The Game: For the third straight week we rolled to an easy victory, this time by the score of 42-10 over our divisional rival Redskins. Farley caught his fourth TD in 2 games, but was outshone by Berg, who threw for 6 TDs on the day. Key Performers: Berg garnered the Game MVP award, as well as the Offensive Player of the Week award, by completing 18/27 passes for 277 yards and 6 touchdowns! He also carried the ball 12 times for 69 yards, while having no turnovers on the day.Farley had 3 catches for 104 yards and one 80-yard TD (I guess he is good from outside the red zone too!). Dave Sanders had another solid outing with 12 tackles and 1 assist. Injuries: Veteran WR Kyle Diaz suffered a broken foot and will miss 3-5 weeks. ============================================= Philly (1-3) at Dallas (4-0) The Eagles gave the Cowboys more of a fight than I expected, but in the end it was not enough, as the Cowboys extended their record to 5-0 with a 13-7 decision over Philly. |
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06-18-2003, 08:07 PM
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#43 |
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Resident Alien
Join Date: Jun 2001
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Week 6
Gatesville (4-1) at Arizona (4-2) ============================================= The Game: The Cardinals looked to be a tough assignment coming in. Berg threw a pick to end our first drive of the day, but later redeemed himself with a touchdown draw play. Levon Wallace caught a TD in the second quarter to put us up 14-3. In the third quarter, the Cards drew to within 14-12 after a touchdown and a failed 2-point conversion, but Matthew soon ran for a score to increase our lead to 21-12. In the fourth quarter, our rookie third-round pick Luke Birk used the force to hit Earl Thornton for a TD after Berg left the game with a minor injury. In the end, we had triumphed over the Cards, 28-12. Key Performers: Percy Stewart, our starting strong safety won the Game MVP award, though I don't know why, since I forgot to write down any stats after the game. I do know that Berg threw 2 picks in the first half. Injuries: In a turn of events sure to upset DataKing, rookie tackle Kyle McAfee, who was starting in place of Terrance Read, managed to get his knee dislocated, and is now looking at 2-3 months of recovery time. ============================================= Dallas (5-0) at Washington (2-3) The Cowboys won once again, this time 21-3. This is not helping me out, guys! |
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06-18-2003, 08:07 PM
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#44 |
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Resident Alien
Join Date: Jun 2001
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Week 7
Bye. ============================================= Dallas (6-0) at Des Moines (2-3) Somehow, the pathetic Des Moines squad, who we crushed back in Week 4, managed to hand the Cowboys their first loss of the season, 15-7. All right! Next week, we will travel to Dallas and try to avenge our Week 2 defeat. We will not be swept by the friggin' Cowboys! |
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06-18-2003, 08:08 PM
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#45 |
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Resident Alien
Join Date: Jun 2001
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From: Randall Parra
To: Bill Gates & Kodos Subject: Dallas Cowboys Injury Report: It looks like the Cowboys have some owwies!! Roosevelt Murray, QB - Out Walt Reilly, QB - Probable Gino Burroughs, WR - Probable Ethan Thornhill, T - Probable Eric Blades, LB - Doubtful Joel Flannery, CB - Questionable Tracy Mazurek, QB - Out Rico Weaver, FB - Out Deon Knox, TE - Questionable Leo McCullar, FB - Probable Offensive Overview: Starting Quarterback: Walt Reilly 27 for 56, 254 yards, 1 TDs, 4 interceptions this season. Good at throwing very long passes. Does not like to run the football. Starting Running Back: Lester Reynolds 145 carries for 467 yards, 5 touchdowns this season. Excellent overall runner. Starting Flanker: Gino Burroughs 20 receptions for 268 yards, 1 touchdowns this season. Excellent hands. Starting Split End: Dale Corbett 31 receptions for 380 yards, 1 touchdowns this season. Very good third down receiver. Defensive Overview: Starting Left Defensive End: Herb Page 14 tackles, 5 assists, 1.5 sacks this season. Good pass-rusher. Starting Right Defensive End: Marlon Linquist 17 tackles, 3 assists, 1.5 sacks this season. Very good defender against the run. Starting Left Defensive Tackle: Sean Ross 15 tackles, 6 assists, 5.5 sacks this season. Very good pass-rusher. Starting Right Defensive Tackle: Cory Mallory 9 tackles, 6 assists, 1.0 sacks this season. Fair pass-rusher. Starting Weak-Side Linebacker: Timothy Meadows 29 tackles, 9 assists, 0.0 sacks this season. Good defender against the run. Starting Middle Linebacker: Randal Caldwell 39 tackles, 23 assists, 1.0 sacks this season. Very good zone pass defender. Starting Strong-Side Linebacker: Archie Younger First start of the season. Very good man-to-man pass defender. Starting Weak-Side Cornerback: Jerome McCarthy 22 tackles, 3 assists, 5 interceptions this season. Excellent pass intercepter. Starting Strong-Side Cornerback: Joel Flannery 19 tackles, 2 assists, 1 interceptions this season. Very good zone pass defender. Starting Free Safety: Greg Drayson 34 tackles, 13 assists, 3 interceptions this season. Excellent man-to-man pass defender. Starting Strong Safety: Shawn Treadway 39 tackles, 13 assists, 1 interceptions this season. Very good pass intercepter. |
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06-18-2003, 08:08 PM
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#46 |
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Resident Alien
Join Date: Jun 2001
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Week 8
Gatesville (5-1) at Dallas (6-1) ============================================= The Game: The good news coming into our second match against the Cowboys was that James Pond was able to return from his injury. Terrance Read was also listed as probable, and thus returned to the starting lineup. On our first drive, Earl Thornton was injured, and had to leave the game. After a Cowboy field goal early in the second quarter, we went on top with a 19-yard Percy Stewart interception return that made it 7-3. Herb Matthews' 13-yard TD run extended our lead to 14-3 before halftime. Chuck U. caught a 1-yard touchdown early in the third quarter, and soon after, Ty Robbins caught a 46-yard touchdown that put us comfortably on top, 28-3. This time, the Cowboys could muster no miracle finish, and we won by a final score 28-6! With this victory, we regained the lead in NFC East, and evened our series with the Cowboys for the season. Unfortunately, we're used to sweeping them, so the tied-up series came as somewhat of a disappointment to us and our fans. Perhaps, if we meet them in the playoffs, we can still win the season series outright. However, we have never met them in the playoffs thus far, so I wouldn't hold your breath. If I know Jerry Jones, they'll probably choke down the stretch and miss the playoffs entirely... Key Performers: Strong safety Percy Stewart won the Game MVP with his interception touchdown, which he supplemented with 3 tackles and 1 assist. Herb Matthews had 17 carries for 86 yards and a TD. He also caught 3 passes for 33 yards. Berg had a decent outing, completing 14 of 26 attempts for 198 yards, 2 TDs, and no interceptions. Chuck Farley had one catch for 1 yard and 1 TD. Ty Robbins made 2 grabs for 58 yards and a score. Big Al Ingram recorded 11 tackles, 1 assist, and 1 sack. New Injuries: Starting right guard Darren Cruise broke his hand and will need 3 to 5 weeks to heal. |
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06-18-2003, 08:08 PM
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#47 |
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Resident Alien
Join Date: Jun 2001
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Week 9
Miami (2-5) at Gatesville (6-1) ============================================= Attendance: 44,700. The Game: Perhaps we were still feeling a bit too high after the Dallas victory when we welcomed the Dolphins to town and blew a 17-3 second-quarter lead. The downtrodden Fins came back to tie it up after a 69-yard Alfred Vincent to Lamont Buckner bomb in the second quarter and a 2-yard Clifton Elliott touchdown in the third quarter. An interception late in the third quarter set up a Ralph Randle score that put us back on top, 24-17. The fourth quarter saw little scoring as both teams bogged down on offense. When Hidalgo missed a late field goal that could have given us a 10-point lead, the defense was called on to save the game for us, and they did, allowing a 20-yard Henderson field goal that made it 24-20. From there, our offense was able to run out the clock, and we escaped with a narrow 24-20 victory. Key Performers: Berg won the Game MVP award by going 21/35 for 267 yards, 3 TDs, and no interceptions. He also carried the ball 5 times for 25 yards. Matthews had a quiet day, as he gained just 38 yards on 14 carries, while fumbling one time. He also made 2 grabs for 19 yards. Randle had a good day with 7 catches for 68 yards and 2 scores. Thornton caught 6 passes for 81 yards and 1 TD. Dave Sanders made 11 tackles and 1 assist. New Injuries: To continue the string of injuries along our offensive line, Rusty Pleasant broke his nose and will need a couple weeks to heal. ============================================= Washington (2-5) at Dallas (6-2) Dallas ended their 2-game skid with a 33-17 victory over the Redskins. |
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06-18-2003, 08:09 PM
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#48 |
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Resident Alien
Join Date: Jun 2001
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2014 Midseason Report:
Halfway through the 2014 season, we found ourselves enjoying an 89 power rating, which was tops in the NFC. Dallas, our sworn enemy, was rated as second with a 77. After trailing Dallas most of the way in the division, we finally were enjoying a slight lead in the race to win the NFC East, and were also in decent position to win the #1 seed in the NFC. However, the second half of our schedule contained many road games, and we would have to stay healthy and on top of our game if we wanted to repeat as the #1 seed overall. Here is how the standings looked after 9 weeks of action:
Team Leaders: Hmmm. I think our team compares favorably with Jerry's, don't you agree?
Let the march to our second consecutive Super Bowl title continue! |
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06-18-2003, 08:10 PM
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#49 |
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Resident Alien
Join Date: Jun 2001
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Originally posted by cthomer5000:
Chuck U. ...baby! The man has made a statement. Whether having 1 catch for 1 yard and 1 TD or taking a dump pass and going 80 yards, he does it all. Having caught 5 of 20 TD passes from Berg aint bad either. If he can finish with 9 or 10 TD's i smell a Pro Bowl trip, and more importantly, a second Gatesville title! Corey |
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06-18-2003, 08:11 PM
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#50 |
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Resident Alien
Join Date: Jun 2001
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Originally posted by revrew:
homer! Welcome to the Chuck U. Fanclub! Your post doesn't say where you're from, but if you come down to Gatesville, we'll save you a seat at the table in the compound. By the way, if you come, it can be a little tricky to find. But go to Sherman Tank Manufacturers. They can give you directions. Apparently, they used the compound for target practice some years ago, and... When you get there and knock the guard will ask, "Who's there?" Respond, "A golden girl." When he asks, "Whatcha sellin'?" Respond, "Viagra for women." That'll get you right in. |
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