A little Friday Satire

[WSUCougar]

In the absence of our late, great guru of female allure and acquisition, I present to you – the lonely, love-lorn masses of that smooth-palm, geek-ridden wasteland known as FOFC - an alternative method to enhance your Friday night, club-hoppin’ strategies. Yes, I give you…

Hungry and Horny.

Start off any encounter (or prospective encounter) with some type of food in your hand, and preferably in your mouth as well. Make it as unhealthy an item as possible, and be sure and eat like a cave man – this both demonstrates your manliness, and immediately clears up any initial doubts or confusion about your eating habits. None of that fru-fru, salad and sprouts BS for you! It’s meat and potatoes, baby. Plus, think of how cool it is when you engage a frenetic gum-chewer in conversation, and then multiply by a factor of 10 if you’ve got some grease dribbling down your face and arms, or a little sauce (ketchup, mustard, etc. – mayo works like a dream) in the corner of your mouth. Facial hair adds a whole new level of madness to this method – make sure you’ve got the whole “flavor saver” thing working to your advantage. Remember, this establishes yourself in the mind of your prospective mate. Do it now, or you will be cursed with any number of restaurant outings where you’ll need to know and use terms like “pilaf,” “tofu,” “vinaigrette,” and “pate.”

Secondly, and you’ve got to be clear on this, DON’T HIDE THE FACT THAT THE PRIMARY (ONLY) REASON YOU ARE SPEAKING TO THIS WOMAN IS THAT YOU WANT TO DO ALL MANNER OF NAUGHTY THINGS TO HER. Preferably that night. It’s the foundation of everything that follows, and if you cannot connect with a woman on that level, you are even more of a confused, misguided, and altogether lost loser than I thought.

I’m offering you these tips out of a genuine desire to help you pathetic, undersexed creatures.

Hungry and Horny. It works.

[Noop]

Hmm I dont know if i should laugh or shake my head as I dont get the reason for this.



noop

[KWhit]

It works, trust me.

This is how I met one of my ex-girlfriends.

Of course, she was the one with grease running down her chin, talking with her mouth full, and let it be known she wanted to do nasty things with me. I think she even had the facial hair.

[Blade]

Nice! This is the strategy I already employ!

Though I really haven't been too successful...damn lesbians...

[korme]

Thank you, WSUManiac.