ZFL Season 4 - Welcome the expansion clubs

[revrew]

I know this is a little hard to read, but I'm bookin' it to get this rolling in the midst of general chaos outside the ZFL...

Season 4 Schedule
Week 1:
SA vs. EP LA vs. FG PT vs. CH LR vs. BH KX vs. AQ MW vs. CN

Week 2:
KX vs. EP LR vs. MW PT vs. CN LA vs. AQ SA vs. BH FG vs. CH

Week 3:
MW vs. EP KX vs. CN LR vs. AQ PT vs. BH LA vs. CH SA vs. FG

Week 4:
PT vs. EP LR vs. LA KX vs. SA MW vs. FG CN vs. CH AQ vs. BH

Week 5:
FG vs. EP SA vs. CH LA vs. BH PT vs. AQ LR vs. CN KX vs. MW

Week 6:
CH vs. EP FG vs. BH SA vs. AQ LA vs. CN PT vs. MW LR vs. KX

Week 7:
LR vs. EP PT vs. KX LA vs. MW SA vs. CN FG vs. AQ CH vs. BH

Week 8:
BH vs. EP CH vs. AQ FG vs. CN SA vs. MW LA vs. KX PT vs. LR

Week 9:
CN vs. EP MW vs. AQ KX vs. BH LR vs. CH PT vs. FG LA vs. SA

Week 10:
AQ vs. EP BH vs. CN CH vs. MW FG vs. KX SA vs. LR LA vs. PT

Week 11:
LA vs. EP PT vs. SA LR vs. FG KX vs. CH MW vs. BH CN vs. AQ

[revrew]

Mark Schlereth's Pre-season Predictions

"Undoubtedly the toughest year to pick yet. I know the expansion clubs will be losers. And I know the top 4 teams or so will dominate. But everybody else is a crapshoot!"

Knoxville: 11-0 "I'm not sure their offense can be stopped. Chicago won't keep pace, and I don't think even B'hams top-notch D will slow them down."

Chicago: 9-2 "The defense isn't as scary, but the team is very well-rounded. I think Mike 'Air' Marino will have an excellent sophomore season."

Birmingham: 8-3 "They've slipped a bit, but still good enough to make a run. Their defense may propel them into the title hunt."

San Antonio: 7-4 "The O-line is dynamite, the defense is improving. A QB away from challenging Knoxville."

Albuquerque: 6-5 "Sizzlack can probably win 8 games by himself. A star-studded team that unfortunately, isn't well-rounded."

Los Angeles: 4-7 "Just a touch of O and this team could go places. Okay, they'll get a touch this year, but they're not ready to make the leap yet."

Milwaukee: 4-7 "Without much from Bullseye, it's up to the D to keep them in the game. Unfortunately, there's just too much solid competition."

Portland: 4-7 "The passing should pick up, but mediocrity elsewhere won't cut it."

Fargo: 4-7 "They're getting better..."

Little Rock: 2-9 "Not as bad as the record appears, but still missing a few key pieces. If some of the other teams slip up next year and the Willies get some more D help, they could make a meteoric rise."

El Paso: 1-10 "They might win 2 this year...then again, probably not."

Cincinatti: 0-11 "Omigosh, will they stink. The supplementary draft of cut players will be good for them."

[korme]

list sent!

[JeeberD]

Mine sent too! Let's get this season going!!!

Oh, and week two is going to be ugly for me...

[revrew]

The following 10 players, previously cut by ZFL teams, have signed contracts to play for the newest ZFL squads:

Cincinatti has signed:
OG - Aphrodite
FB - Girl
WR - Hans Moleman
QB - James Earl Jones
CB - Help Me

QB James Earl Jones has already arrested the starting job for the Chaps. While improving the squad, Cinci will likely need more than these 5 to garner a win this season.


El Paso has signed:
WR - Werner Voss
OT - Gustav Gustavson
DE - Eddie Lee Washington
DT - Giovanni Jackson
DE - Vin Diesel

With upgrades all around, poorer teams among the ZFL's original 10 had better watch out for El Paso! The Busters may win more than 1 game this year.


Look for Week 1 results to begin tomorrow!

[JeeberD]

Wow, got my top five choices. Excellent!!!

revrew, will you automatically sub in the new players who are better than those on the original squad, or do I need to PM you the changes?

I can't wait to get started...

[korme]

New names for the following, since NevStar has rights to the old ones.

S Pan Pan
CB The Blacksmith

[Marmel]

I still have a C+ rated Running back available for a mid-round draft pick.....

Contact me before opening day guys!!

[JeeberD]

Thanks, but no thanks Marm...

[illinifan999]

Shorty picked my guy!

[NevStar]

ALBUQUERQUE - Rumors continue to circulate out of Albuquerque that the Isotopes' front office are shopping superstar QB Moe "Kid Gruesome" Sizzlack. Waylon Smithers, assistant to owner and despot-for-life, C. Montgomery Burns, responded to the rumors by saying, "I know Mr. Burns would never trade Kid Gruesome. Not even for 3 first round draft picks. Maybe. Have you seen my Malibu Stacy doll?"

Sizzlack, has been somewhat outspoken about his lack of supporting cast, as well as a disappointing training camp by what was to be his favorite target, 1st round draft pick, Quagmire. The Isotopes were hit hard with injuries in the offseason, and although the front office did their best to recover, critics agree that the Isotopes starting lineup this year is no improvement over last season's underachievers.

Followers of the ZFL agree that the 25 year old Sizzlack is the best QB in the league, and if for some odd reason all the QB's were to be graded, he'd be rated an A+.

[revrew]

Originally posted by JeeberD
Wow, got my top five choices. Excellent!!!

revrew, will you automatically sub in the new players who are better than those on the original squad, or do I need to PM you the changes?

I can't wait to get started...

I will automatically sub in the best players at starting positions. No need to PM me unless you want a lesser player in the game for some kind of emotional reason. The only oddity with this is, when two players at the same position are of equal talent, I will always play the older player (since only starters and not bench players are susceptible to injury).

(Oh, and by the way, Jeebs, you did make out like a bandit in the supplementary draft. Because you put Aphrodite at the bottom of your list instead of the top, you were one ahead of Shorty on many of those picks. You drew good Rook cards, too. Shorty is gonna learn to hate you.)

The first week is simmed and written up! Fun week! Will be posted tomorrow, along with the new feature: The commish's week recap.

[JeeberD]

Originally posted by revrew
(Oh, and by the way, Jeebs, you did make out like a bandit in the supplementary draft. Because you put Aphrodite at the bottom of your list instead of the top, you were one ahead of Shorty on many of those picks. You drew good Rook cards, too. Shorty is gonna learn to hate you.)

The first week is simmed and written up! Fun week! Will be posted tomorrow, along with the new feature: The commish's week recap.

I love to hear things like that. Makes me feel that my GM skills might not be that bad. Aphrodite would have just been a luxury for me, so there was no reason to go for him early.

Can't wait to see my results against my Texas rivals, those dreaded San Antone Margaritas...

[tucker342]

hehe just like in real life Cincinatti sucks

[korme]

CINCINNATI

[illinifan999]

Originally posted by tucker342
hehe just like in real life Cincinatti sucks

LOL, really those Cincinati teams really stink. I'm confident that the Cincinati GM shorty can make them a contenda in a few years though.

[Coffee Warlord]

Seabiscuit Times, Season 4 Edition

"Well, we open up this season against Chicago, one of our old rivals. Mind you, Portland has pretty much sucked the last couple of years, but we hung with them in our debut, and we will again.

You heard it here first, folks. This reporter, Felipe Moreno Andres El Rabban De Sanchez, guarantees Portland beats Chicago in week 1. If I do not, I will quit my job and report to Fargo to take part in Crawfish studies."

dear god please win...

[revrew]

Oh, Coffee. You wish.

Week 1 Results

"In the first game of the season, most people were watching just to see what the new El Paso Busters uniforms looked like. Few expected the Busters to give San Antonio much of a fight. Let's just say, folks got a lot more than they bargained for.

San Antonio, long known for a powerful offense discovered the Buster D has come ready to play. The Margaritas' game plan was to run the M&M boys (HB Mutt and FB Metalhead) until El Paso caved in. And while the SA O-line battered the Buster D-line, the Margaritas were rudely introduced to a pair of fast and powerful 'backers - MLB Brian Bosworth and OLB Trev Alberts. The two backers garnered 27 tackles, 2 forced fumbles, one INT, and 3 sacks on the day.

Leading by a scant 7-0 margin at the half, SA adjusted to mix it up with the pass a bit and get the Buster dogs to back off. SA QB Handoff King hit WRs Streak and Primetime on a pair of quick outs, and the El Paso D was forced to play more honestly.

By the buzzer, S.A. added one by land and one by air, and the bruised Margaritas limped away with a 21-0 victory. El Paso, unfortunately, took a page out of the L.A. Star history book, putting up an impressive defensive effort, but failing to impress anyone on offense. San Antonio's MLB Ray Lewis and DE All Pro looked in top form, totalling 5 sacks between them. S.A., 21-0."

*****
"In another surprise game, or at least another coming-out party, the L.A. Stars showed some offensive zip by taking it to the dazed Fighting Crawfish.

FG HB Glutton for Punishment found none of the running room he was used to last year, getting knocked around by L.A.'s ageless wonder, 37-year old DT Ed Norton, and then knocked down by young MLB star, Brad Pitt.

Meanwhile, former LA 1st round OTs Freddie Prinze Jr and Matthew McConaughey sealed off the ends to create running room for HB Jerry Seinfeld. L.A.'s offense was once called the "Show about nothing," but Seinfeld turned it into a 117-yard and 2 TD spectacular today.

In his first season as starter, L.A. QB Bernie Mac looked capable, throwing for 238 yards, including an 11-yd TD strike to WR Joe Pesci.

With the D destroying the 'Fish, the L.A. Stars played perhaps the most impressive game of their history, sending a wake-up call to the rest of the league with a 21-0 victory."

*****
"Portland hoped to be the first to prove that Chicago's defense is slipping. They did. Unfortunately, Portland was also the first to discover that Chicago's offense is on the rise.

Chicago struck first with a Mike Marino to WR Jet TD pass. After OG Erik Flamebeard of the Neither Here nor There paved the way for familiar friend Antonio De La Tonio to tie it up, Chicago opened up a can of whoopass in return.

Randy Steele carried the ball 7 times for 54 yards on the next drive, capping it off with a 2-yd TD plunge behind rookie OT John Tate. And When OLB Ray Brown recovered a PT fumble, Randy Steele answered again with a 33-yard TD run after superstar OG Tom Sanders pulled left on a sweep around PT DE Trogdor the Burninator. Mike Marino struck again, and at the half, Portland was staring at a frightening 28-7 deficit.

In the second half, Chicago kept to the ground, eating up the clock, while Portland took to the skies to score quickly. PT Rookie QB Paddy O'Leary looked impressive, not so much as a gunslinger, but as a field general, marching the troops downfield with quick strikes to WRs Manfred von Richthofen and Khan Ogadai.

In the fourth quarter, "Paddy O" hit Richthofen for his second TD of the day, and PT was starting to pull close. But CH FB Josh Hackenstein proved too effective of a blocker for PT LBs Sectoid Commander and Kang, and Randy Steele found paydirt again. An impressive day for Steele, who ran for 191 yards and 3 scores. Impressive day for the Eagles, too, as they win 35-21."

*****
"The first weeks of a new season are always interesting. Even games like last year's champ vs. last year's chump, undefeated Birmingham vs. winless Little Rock. What would you expect? BH 35-0? 42-7? Or is Little Rock closing the gap? Is Birmingham slipping?

Birmingham's safety Odysseus looked ready to pick up where they left off, picking off a LR QB David Slinger pass. But on the next play, rookie LR DE Looks Like JeeberD streaked around BH OT Apollo and blindsided QB Zeus Reloaded. DT Rock Knutne picked up the fumble, and Little Rock weathered the first storm.

At the end of the first quarter, the score was 0-0, and Little Rock was gaining hope. With BH DE Another Atlantis pushing his way around the corner, Little Rock's HB Rajah Saleem took the draw right past him and twirled for a 22-yd TD run, giving the Willies a 7-0 lead.

By halftime, BH HB Artemis followed OG Another Troy in for 7 to tie it.

In the second, BH unleashed a steady diet of power running, and the tide began to turn. Artemis plunged in for a score again, and QB Zeus Reloaded hit WR Revrew for yet another.

A 71-yard flight by HB Rajah Saleem electrified the crowd, but it was quickly silenced when a deep strike to BH WR Revrew set up another Artemis score. Time and chances ran out for Little Rock, as they drop to the defending champs, 28-14."

*****
"ESPN2 chose to show the matchup between two of the league's best QBs, ABB'Q's Moe Sizzlack and Knoxville's 'Thumbless' Jackson. If they wanted fireworks, they got it!

Knoxville opened the game with a deep bomb to rookie WR Luke Jackson. Apparently, the coach wanted to show off the new weapon ASAP.

The Isotopes followed suit. First round rookie WR Quagmire went deep, and two plays into the game, the score was 7-7!

In their second drive, Knoxville handed the ball to their other rookie weapon, Leon Jackson. With FB Samuel 'The South Will Rise Again' and OG Fort Sumter Jackson paving the way, rookie Leon ate up 43 yards on the drive and dove in for the score.

It was an impressive day for Leon, as Knoxville found ABB'Q's linebackers a bit soft and slow for the fleet-footed rookie. Leon Jackson totalled 106 yards and 2 scores. Meanwhile, the Isotopes found no way to pressure 'Thumbless', and the star QB lit it up for 400 yards and 3 scores himself. WR Jackson Jackson recorded yet another 200-yard game (is 24 too young to already be talking about the ZFL Hall of Fame?), and rookie Luke Jackson garnered an impressive 129.

But AQ QB Sizzlack was on fire, today, too, fireballing for 340 yards and 3 scores of his own.

The Isotopes almost kept pace, though some grumbled about rookie WR Quagmire. The first-rounder only grabbed 6 catches on the day...granted THREE of them were for touchdowns, but lapses of concentration and dropped passes stalled more than one important AQ drive.

An exciting, up-and-down-the-field game ended with an important win for Knoxville, taking it 42-28."

*****
"Fans got their first look at Cincinnati, as the Chaps visited The Gym in Milwaukee. Unfortunately for Milwaukee, fans got their first look at post-injury QB Bullseye, too.

Bullseye tried hitting The Flash on a crossing route in the first quarter, but there appears to be a bit of zip off the old fastball. Chaps MLB Homeschool Winner tipped the ball away, and OLB Homsar picked it off his shoelaces. In the second, Bullseye hit Homsar again, notching up his second INT on the day.

Fortunately for the Muscle Men, the running game was in full effect, as Ricky 'The Answer' Williams sprinted around DE Strong Sad for a score in the second quarter, and powerful FB Bulldozer knocked down Chaps DT Eh, Steve! for another in the third.

In the fourth quarter, former L.A. Star QB James Earl Jones connected with WR Homestar Runner for a 41-yard sideline sprint. Out at the two, Cinci FB Pom Pom punched it in behind OG Stinkoman, and Cincinnati became the first expansion team to record a score in ZFL play.

Down only 14-7, Cinci was dreaming of recording the first win as well. But a 4th quarter MW drive ate too much time off the clock. MW FB Bulldozer put the nail in the coffin with a 7-yard TD ramble, and Milwaukee wins it, 21-7"

*****
Commish's Week Recap
"Though no one expected the expansion clubs to do well this week (or any week for that matter), both squads showed determination and competitiveness. The El Paso defense was particularly impressive.

But the big news of the week had to be the offensive punch from the Stars. Did that come just because Fargo is weak? Perhaps, but you've got to like how L.A. is building their franchise. Likewise, the power of Chicago's offense was an interesting change of pace, as the league's two teams best known for D show they can play both sides of the ball.

Knoxville is clearly clicking on offense, and even ABB'Q superstar Troy McClure couldn't slow down the Redneck passing attack. Can Chicago keep pace? Can the forceful Olympian defense put a roadblock in the way? We'll have to wait until weeks 9 and 11 to find out.

Next week, L.A. gets to test their mettle against ABB'Q, and the big San Antonio/Birmingham matchup comes early. Look for both games to come down to the wire."

[sachmo71]

Birmingham, eh? Shoot.

[Marmel]

Thanks rev!!!!

[tucker342]

It may not have been pretty, but a win is a win...

[DolphinFan1]

We only beat Cincinnati 21-7. Boy are we in trouble. Anyone willing to trade their QB?

[illinifan999]

I have a D rated QB. At least I think he is.

[Coffee Warlord]

Well, I think I only need 1 or 2 more pieces of the puzzle to return to greatness. Oh yes.

[DolphinFan1]

Originally posted by illinifan999
I have a D rated QB. At least I think he is.

Sorry mine is a D+. I need a C or better.

[revrew]

Just simmed week 2...

Oh, man! Ties, upsets, surprises, and more! Good stuff comin' up on Monday, gents! We got a whole new ballgame in the ZFL!

[Coffee Warlord]

Web site's been updated with week 1 stats.

For the uninformed.

http://www.officepimps.com/zfl/

[Swaggs]

Monday?

[korme]

Cincinnati gets no love, El Paso gettin' all the spotlight.

[korme]

And Coffee, can you atleast correct Cincinnati? I mean, the official site should have the name spelled right.

[Coffee Warlord]

Whoops. Fixed.

[korme]

That was quick.

Nice.

*gives all Air Force players a 10 pt ratings boost*

just kidding!

[Coffee Warlord]

DAMN YOU FOR TEMPTING ME!

[JeeberD]

Originally posted by Shorty3281
Cincinnati gets no love, El Paso gettin' all the spotlight.

Just the way that it should be...

Hopefully next week I'll at least score a TD against Knoxville...

Oh, and I agree with Swaggs. Monday?

[korme]

Originally posted by JeeberD
Oh, and I agree with Swaggs. Monday?

Erm, it's summer.. so don't be alarmed but..

What day is today?

[JeeberD]

Friday.

It must be nice to not have to work (or take summer classes)...

[DolphinFan1]

Milwaukee - Rumors were abound this week as talks were brewing between Milwaukee and Alburquerque about star QB - Moe "Kid Gruesome" Sizzalck. Reportedly talks broke off as the price for the star QB were too high. Milwaukee QB- Bullseye was asked how he felt about the rumors of getting another QB. "I haven't heard any rumors. Anyway, we won last week didn't we." Milwaukee GM DolphinFan was asked about the rumors. "Let's just say if the offer is right, I will do what it takes to better my team and win a championship." We will try to bring you any other rumors conserning a trade for a QB.

[revrew]

Sorry, gotta spend the weekend with the fam and the lawn. Plus, I've got a preaching gig this Sunday, and my Madden San Antonio Lobos are in the AFC championship, so I won't be getting back to ZFL until Monday. But we could have as many as 5 weeks played next week, so it'll move quick!

Shorty, sorry about Cinci not gettin' the love. I'm afraid things aren't lookin' too good for the Chaps. They were the first expansion team to score, however! Right? And your draft pick is lookin' mighty good, hey, hey? Gotta look on the bright side.

Great job, CW. Now, if the rest of the league would enter their players...ahem...that sight would be da rAWkin bomb, eh?

[Coffee Warlord]

And if I get off my ass and add editing functionality to keep everyone's rosters updated, it'd be nice too. But hey.

[JeeberD]

Hey CW, I entered my rosters yesterday but they haven't shown up on the website. Are the players supposed to show up as soon as they're entered (meaning that I did something wrong) or do you have to upload them or something?

Just curious...

[JeeberD]

Never mind. I got it working now...

[korme]

howd you get it working, JD?

[JeeberD]

I just typed in the name and age, set the position and if they were starting or reserve, and typed in the password that I got from CW. The names then popped up after I typed in the info.

I'm not sure what I did different this morning compared with how I did it a couple of days ago, but it worked like a charm today.

Good luck Shorty...

[korme]

I havent received a password from Coffee. I guess that is the problem.

[tucker342]

Maybe I should enter my player names....

I'll do it eventually

[Coffee Warlord]

'Cause you never asked for one, dufus.

[korme]

can i have a password

[Coffee Warlord]

No!

[illinifan999]

It's Monday!

[JeeberD]

WooHoo for Monday!!!

El Paso wants a touchdown!!!