Brain Cramps

[WSUCougar]

Thought I'd share this, which was forwarded to me from a friend of mine. Lordy, there are some hilarious ones in there!


Question: If you could live forever, would you and why? Answer: "I would not live forever! , because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever,"
--Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.
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"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff."
--Mariah Carey
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"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life,"
--Brooke Shields, during an interview to become Spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign.
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"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body,"
--Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.
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"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in
the country,"
--Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC.
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"I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president."
--Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of subpoenaed documents.
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"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it,"
--A congressional candidate in Texas.
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"Half this game is ninety percent mental."
--Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark
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"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."
--Al Gore, Vice President
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"It's no exaggeration to say that the undecideds could go one way or
another"
--George Bush, US President
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"I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix."
--Dan Quayle
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"We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?"
--Lee Iacocca
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"I was provided with additional input that was radically different from the
truth. I assisted in furthering that version."
--Colonel Oliver North, from his Iran-Contra testimony.
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"The word "genius" isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like
Norman Einstein."
--Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback &sports analyst.
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"We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of
people."
--Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor.
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"Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas."
--Keppel Enderbery
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"Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances."
--Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina
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"If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they
go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the
next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record."
--Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman

[Ksyrup]

Originally Posted by WSUCougar

"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."
--Al Gore, Vice President
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In the past 10 years, I've seen this attributed to Al Gore, Dan Quayle, and Dubya. I'm assuming it isn't Dubya, since it's been around for so long, but is it Gore or Quayle? Or was it just made up?

[corbes]

I've seen the "half of baseball is 90% mental" attributed to all sorts of people, too. Yogi Berra, for one.

[fantastic flying froggies]

On a similar note, others found on the net :

A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
--Dan Quayle

USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
--David Letterman

China is a big country with a lot of chinese people living there.
--Charles De Gaulle Former French President

The Internet is a great way to get on the Net.
--Bob Dole

[fantastic flying froggies]

And one of my all-time favorites,
My girlfriend always laughs during sex - no matter what she's reading.
--Steve Jobs, founder of Apple Computers