Want to apologize to Mexico

[vtbub]

It's come to my attention that we, as Americans, have become a bit arrogant on how we treat our fellow peons...er...neighbors around the world.

As I sat today with my second grade classmates today at lunch at Pac-Man Elementary School, low carb Hot Dogs with tater-tots and lo carb Mountain Dew, we decided that we had to do something to change this horrible misconception the rest of the world has about our virtuistic and pure intentions in the twenty-first century.

First, it was suggested that we grant the good people in Ontario their independence from us and return them to their rightful owners in England. The quiet kid wearing some Mats Sundin jersey in the corner reminded me that Ontario was part of Canada, and not the United States. Silly me. He then made me trade my prize player in an OOTP league I'm not in anymore for some "quality" prospects for being wrong.

Anyway, we then agreed that the real root of our misguided evil was actually rooted in winning the Mexican-American War, acquring the whole of Texas. After lunch, we sat with our spirit teacher, Miss Garafalalalo, and wrote this letter to the President of Mexico.

Dear Mr President,

The second grade class at Pac-Man Elementary School in Burlington, Vermont would like to apologize for the Mexican-American War. We did not realize that Texas would have been better off with you. Our teacher, Miss Gararafalalalao promises us some Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream if we do well.

We would have glady given you Texas if we had known just how bad it really was, especially since half of Mexico currently lives in Texas anyway. Mexico certainly would have been better off with the astute leadership of Lyndon Johnson, John Connelly, Cale.. er Ralph Yarborough, Ann Richards, Phill Gramm, and George Bush, both versions. Imagine the pride Mexico would have with a president who's legal residence was a suite at a hotel. Miss Jeannie says he now lives at an airport.

Mexico's sports would be much richer if Texas was there. The Cowboys would be Mexico's team and Tom Landry would have worn a straw hat instead of a fedora. The Houston Astros would have won a World Series by now, simply because it could have denied entrance visas to Pete Rose in 1980 and John Rocker in 1998. The Southwest Conference could have stayed together and countless generations of football fans could have celebrated the many, many Mexican college football championships by Texas, A&M, Rice, Baylor, Houston, TCU, all beating the crap out of Arkansas. Winning endless Ryder Cup's with Hogan, Nelson, and Trevino. ABC would have a logical explination for the lousy ratings it got when San Antonio won the NBA championship last year.

"After two Dos Equios, I'm ready to go another nine innings."--Nolan Ryan

Finally, maybe you could fix Texas' largest problem. Miss Garafalalalo highly encouraged us to watch this show on PBS, she took away our MTV , anyway it says that not everything grows bigger in Texas and that's why the ego's are big enough to compensate for a lack of size in other areas, whatever that means. J.R Ewing, Jerry Jones, and some others are rather short in bed and bully people around to make themselves feel better. The show said that the men could get cheap pills to fix bed shortness(does this have to do with bedwetting?), if we could import Texas to Mexico and send pills after.

Sincerely,

vtbub

[Chubby]

When I grow up, I'm going to Bovine University!

[JeeberD]

[vtbub]

I apologize for not recognizing the greatness of UTEP

[sachmo71]

Mexico is pretty.

[Maple Leafs]

Originally Posted by vtbub

The quiet kid wearing some Mats Sundin jersey in the corner reminded me that Ontario was part of Canada, and not the United States. Silly me. He then made me trade my prize player in an OOTP league I'm not in anymore for some "quality" prospects for being wrong.

I feel strange about this, and I'm not sure why.

[vex]

You speak the truth.

[Schmidty]

Originally Posted by Maple Leafs

I feel strange about this, and I'm not sure why.

Two more years. Realization shall make you cry.

[Fonzie]

Originally Posted by Maple Leafs

I feel strange about this, and I'm not sure why.

Perhaps you were as surprised as me to discover that Ontario was, in fact, part of Canada?

[Blax]

A Letter from Mexico arrives at Pac Man Elementary School.


Dear Yanquee,

We appreciate your apology on Vermont winning the Mexican-American war.

Texas had actually defeated us in 1836 and decided to proclaim "our" land
as "their" independant Republic, and then thumbed their nose at us for the next ten years by continuing to force our army to stay on this side of the Rio Grande. It was actually a surprise that when our Armies marched on Brownsville in 1847 that your general Zachary Taylor ran us all the way back to Mexico City.

However...it has not been all bad.

Although we grieve that Texas beat us, we are happy that the United States took the territory that eventually became California, Nevada, and Arizona off our hands as a result. I mean, what would we actually do with more dirt? Its not as if that land ever left the hands of the Mexican people. Oh, and we always appreciated your country splitting Texas apart and calling one spt "New" Mexico. It was kind of an homage.

Half of Mexico had almost always lived in Texas. Did you think the Texicans would have won their war without soldiers like Ponton, Seguin or Zapata?

Texas being so close is not to bad either. If we can make it across the river and play our cards right we can end up with government sponsered housing and free cheese. I'm kind of pissed off about the whole burrito being called a "wrap" thing and don't even bring up that damn chihuahua.

I don't know if I can help you with the Texas ego issue. You see....it came with the territory. Can you help us with our chicken buses?

Although it was a sad period in our time we were not able to repel the American invasion force led by those damn Texans...it did prepare us to beat another invasion force some twenty years later. France.
I guess I shouldn't brag about that though. Everyone has beat France at some time.

[vex]

Originally Posted by Blax

A Letter from Mexico arrives at Pac Man Elementary School.


Dear Yanquee,

We appreciate your apology on Vermont winning the Mexican-American war.

Texas had actually defeated us in 1836 and decided to proclaim "our" land
as "their" independant Republic, and then thumbed their nose at us for the next ten years by continuing to force our army to stay on this side of the Rio Grande. It was actually a surprise that when our Armies marched on Brownsville in 1847 that your general Zachary Taylor ran us all the way back to Mexico City.

However...it has not been all bad.

Although we grieve that Texas beat us, we are happy that the United States took the territory that eventually became California, Nevada, and Arizona off our hands as a result. I mean, what would we actually do with more dirt? Its not as if that land ever left the hands of the Mexican people. Oh, and we always appreciated your country splitting Texas apart and calling one spt "New" Mexico. It was kind of an homage.

Half of Mexico had almost always lived in Texas. Did you think the Texicans would have won their war without soldiers like Ponton, Seguin or Zapata?

Texas being so close is not to bad either. If we can make it across the river and play our cards right we can end up with government sponsered housing and free cheese. I'm kind of pissed off about the whole burrito being called a "wrap" thing and don't even bring up that damn chihuahua.

I don't know if I can help you with the Texas ego issue. You see....it came with the territory. Can you help us with our chicken buses?

Although it was a sad period in our time we were not able to repel the American invasion force led by those damn Texans...it did prepare us to beat another invasion force some twenty years later. France.
I guess I shouldn't brag about that though. Everyone has beat France at some time.

Vermont won the Mexican-American war? Stupid history teacher didn't teach me a thing.

[JeeberD]

Originally Posted by vtbub

I apologize for not recognizing the greatness of UTEP

No kidding! If Texas were still part of Mexico we might have more than three winning seasons in football over the past thirty years...