Airline Maintenance humor....inspired by Sachmo's thread.

Glengoyne · 07-23-2004, 11:15 AM

- Airline Maintenance At Its Best -

Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems, as submitted by QANTAS Airways pilots and the solution recorded by maintenance engineers. By the way QANTAS Airways is the only major airline that has never had an accident. P = The problem logged by the pilot.
S = The solution and action taken by the engineers.

*************************************************************

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except autoland very rough.
S: Autoland not installed on this aircraft.

P: No. 2 propeller seeping prop fluid.
S: No. 2 propeller seepage normal. Nos. 1, 3 and 4 propellers lack normal
seepage.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on backorder.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200-fpm descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're there for!

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windscreen.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with words.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

sachmo71 · 07-23-2004, 11:31 AM

Awesome!

Eaglesfan27 · 07-23-2004, 11:58 AM

This is also a very funny thread

Thanks.

Leonidas · 07-23-2004, 08:44 PM

When I was a wrench turner in the AF we had some of our own very similar from our finest fighter pilots. An F-16 maintainer friend of mine once told me about a pilot bitching to him that IFF never worked in the O-F-F mode (similar to one above).

I did ground radar and one night we had a guy call in that he had no picture. We went in and turned the Intensity nob up and it worked fine (kind of like your stereo not working with the volume on low).

Another time an operator called in that a Permanent Echo (a mountain we used to calibrate the system) was moving. We hung up, waited 5 minutes, called him back and asked how it was. He said, "Great! I don't know what you guys did, but you sure fixed it."

pennywisesb · 07-23-2004, 09:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Eaglesfan27

This is also a very funny thread

Thanks.

A very funny thread, those pilots don't pull down 100+k for nothing

duckman · 07-23-2004, 10:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Leonidas

When I was a wrench turner in the AF we had some of our own very similar from our finest fighter pilots. An F-16 maintainer friend of mine once told me about a pilot bitching to him that IFF never worked in the O-F-F mode (similar to one above).

I did ground radar and one night we had a guy call in that he had no picture. We went in and turned the Intensity nob up and it worked fine (kind of like your stereo not working with the volume on low).

Another time an operator called in that a Permanent Echo (a mountain we used to calibrate the system) was moving. We hung up, waited 5 minutes, called him back and asked how it was. He said, "Great! I don't know what you guys did, but you sure fixed it."

I was an avionics technician in the AF until January of this year. I had the radar wouldn't work in the "official" position during a launch. I went up to the cockpit to tell the navigator that the radar never works on OFF.

I also had an incident where this AC-130U co-pilot failed to put SATCOM crypto loader in the transmit position so he kept losing his codes and wouldn't transmit in crypto. This idiot did it three times before I took him out to the aircraft to show him to properly load the codes by the operations manual.

sterlingice · 07-24-2004, 02:40 AM

Good stuff. Unlike most stuff passed around on the net, it was actually funny and I hadn't seen it before.

SI

daedalus · 07-24-2004, 06:13 AM

What sterling said. Thank you very, very much, Glen.

07-23-2004, 11:58 AM	#3
Eaglesfan27 Hall Of Famer Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: New Jersey	This is also a very funny thread Thanks. __________________ Retired GM of the eNFL 2007 Super Bowl Champion Philadelphia Eagles (19-0 record.) GM of the WOOF 2006 Doggie Bowl Champion Atlantic City Gamblers. GM of the IHOF 2019 and 2022 IHOF Bowl Champion Asheville Axemen.

07-23-2004, 08:44 PM	#4
Leonidas College Benchwarmer Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: East Anglia	When I was a wrench turner in the AF we had some of our own very similar from our finest fighter pilots. An F-16 maintainer friend of mine once told me about a pilot bitching to him that IFF never worked in the O-F-F mode (similar to one above). I did ground radar and one night we had a guy call in that he had no picture. We went in and turned the Intensity nob up and it worked fine (kind of like your stereo not working with the volume on low). Another time an operator called in that a Permanent Echo (a mountain we used to calibrate the system) was moving. We hung up, waited 5 minutes, called him back and asked how it was. He said, "Great! I don't know what you guys did, but you sure fixed it." __________________ Molon labe Last edited by Leonidas : 07-23-2004 at 08:44 PM.

07-24-2004, 02:40 AM	#7
sterlingice Hall Of Famer Join Date: Apr 2002 Location: Back in Houston!	Good stuff. Unlike most stuff passed around on the net, it was actually funny and I hadn't seen it before. SI __________________ Houston Hippopotami, III.3: 20th Anniversary Thread - All former HT players are encouraged to check it out! Janos: "Only America could produce an imbecile of your caliber!" Freakazoid: "That's because we make lots of things better than other people!"

07-23-2004, 11:31 AM	#2
sachmo71 The boy who cried Trout Join Date: Oct 2000 Location: TX	Awesome!

07-24-2004, 06:13 AM	#8
daedalus Pro Rookie Join Date: Oct 2000	What sterling said. Thank you very, very much, Glen.

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