International Adoptions

[CraigSca]

Figured I'd throw this one out there, as we have an eclectic mix of people who may be able to shed some light on this subject.

The wife and I have been talking about the possibility of adopting a child from overseas. The problem is, we know very little about this process and I am extremely wary that a number of these adoption agencies are possible scam artists. Therefore, we've been doing a little bit of background checking (Better Business Bureau), but still feel we know next to nothing about the process.

In particular, we are looking at adopting a child from the Ukraine, and we're not sure about the issues regarding this particular location as well as questions to ask, things to watch out for, etc. We're adept at surfing the 'Net, but there's nothing like first-hand information as opposed to the pseudo-testimonials you read on the Internet (i.e. "everything was wonderful!").

As all may know, I had a "Looking for a Job" dynasty not too long ago, so my financial situation isn't exactly where I'd like it to be. I'm still trying to get my self wrapped around that, and from what I've seen any international adoption (in the Ukraine anyway) will cost at least $12,500, plus a three-week trip overseas. Financially, there is no way we can do this right now without liquidating the entire retirement fund (which I am not doing) - I'm reminded of the "Simpsons" episode - "Honey, do we have any checks for $12,500 that we haven't deposited yet?" I make good money, but being out of work for 6 months, 2 kids, the mortgage, paying for COBRA while out of work, etc., has put this plan out into the future if we end up doing this.

(Of course, as I write this, our two kids are currently screaming at each other, so that's always fun).

Anyway...anyone have some additional information or sites that I may have missed that would help out in this process?

Thanks much!

-Craig

[KevinNU7]

Good Luck.

[FBPro]

My wife and I have looked at this(her in particular) in a fairly indepth manner. There's alot of different options, you might try looking at some of the sites for names, contact info of actual couples that if you actually contact them individually they may shed a little more light on things....good and bad rather than just reading about their canned response for the site.

Good luck.

[panerd]

I work with a guy who is in the process and it involved at least two trips to Russia and a boatload of cash. I don't know him that well, but I can probably at least get the basics from him.

[Raiders Army]

As an adoptee from Seoul, Korea, I can tell you that at least I knew my parents loved me. So you will find that your kids might appreciate you a little more. My parents adopted me through Holt International (don't know if they still exist).

[sachmo71]

I don't know for sure, but I thought that some of the Christian missions had foreign adoption services. If you attend a church, perhaps you could inquire there?

[Franklinnoble]

You'd better have a lot of money to spend on it. I know some folks at church who have adopted foreign babies. The upside is that once you get them, they're yours. Most domestic adoptions can be reversed for a period of time if the birth mother has a sudden change of heart. None of that B.S. with an international baby.

The downside is that I've heard it costs anywhere from $3,000 to $10,000 to adopt the kid. Which, basically, if you don't have medical insurance, is about what it costs to get pregnant and have one at a nice hospital... but it's still a lot of cash out of pocket.

[CraigSca]

The one adoption agency we've spoken to quoted $12,500. $2,500 immediately to "reserve" a child (that sounds awful). The remaining monies in a series of steps. Basically, the $12.5K gets paid before the adoption is finalized (which requires embassy help in the Ukraine), which scares the heck out of me.

We checked the BBB on this agency and they've had a about 12 complaints in the past and we're in the midst of checking out exactly what those complaints are. They even mentioned the complaints on their website (which I thought was gutsy of them). They mention they handle over 300 adoptions a year and that the # of complaints is obviously very low considering the volume.

The whole process is just so foreign to me (no pun intended) - I'd hate to get burned especially when we're talking about a human being.

Franklin - we've talked about the 3rd child. My wife doesn't want to go through it again, and I've found that I'm not exactly in love with the first year of infancy (sleepless nights, etc.). She, moreso than me, feels like the family is destined to have a 3rd child. I'm taking a more of a wait and see approach (especially regarding finances). She also thinks that adopting from a foreign country makes a lot of sense (not only are we gaining a 3rd child, but we're also helping a child who may not have much otherwise - certainly less than an American child). FWIW, she's found a 9 year old girl from the Ukraine that she's already taking a liking to - via pictures from the agency.

Panerd - if you could talk to guy at work, that would really be great. I guess if I could ask him anything - what was his biggest surprise? disappoinment? costs? would he do it again?

[Eaglesfan27]

I don't know all the specifics of foreign adoption, but one of my best friends and his wife have adopted 4 kids from Romania.

The cost varies by agency, but he has found after various "hidden fees" that is usually approached 15-20,000 dollars per child. He and his wife are both physicians so this wasn't a major deterrant to them.

Besides the financial cost, I want to warn you of one potential problem. Many orphanages in Romania are substandard. I'd imagine a similar problem might exist in the Ukraine as well. As a result, 30-40 kids are being watched by a single worker. None of the kids get enough attention as a result. A disorder called Reactive Attachment Disorder occurs when these kids don't experience a real bonding experience early in life (many experts believe the first 18 months of life is critical for learning how to bond.) Kids with Reactive Attachment disorder can be very tough to parent as they never really trust the adoptive parents and react in some very unusual ways to situations.

That being said, I'd admire people that adopt greatly and Ms. Eaglesfan and I have talked about doing just that one day (although we are leaning towards adopting an American child if we do but we have not ruled out a foreign adoption.) If you and your wife decide to proceed good luck, but realize that there might be some very tough psychological challenges in raising this special child from the Ukraine (or any adoption for that matter.)

[CraigSca]

Originally Posted by Eaglesfan27

Besides the financial cost, I want to warn you of one potential problem. Many orphanages in Romania are substandard. I'd imagine a similar problem might exist in the Ukraine as well.

Eaglesfan - I remember hearing about substandard orphanages in Romania as well, and this was one of the first things I wanted to to know about the Ukraine. According to the agency, Ukrainian orphanages are vastly different than Romania. The kids are schooled (the girl we're looking at in particular is being taught English) given a caregiver and participate in many extra-curricular activities. Apparently, at the age of 16, you're no longer welcome in the orphanage so they try to teach you a trade so you can exist on your own. I, too, have heard many of the horror stories of Romania. The Ukraine "seems" to be different, but this is only from what the agency has told us (who obviously have a vested interest in painting a pretty picture for us). I'm trying to keep my eyes as wide open about this as I possibly can.

Ultimately, however, you do have to trust someone, especially when there's a little child on the other end.