OT: What's wrong with the hampster???

Dutch · 09-02-2004, 06:06 PM

Received this one at work today....if you have kids, it's pretty funny, if you don't, it may still be pretty funny!

Quote:

Overview: I had to take my son's hamster to the vet.

Here's what happened:

Just after dinner one night, my son came up to tell me there was "something is wrong" with one of the two hamsters he holds prisoner in his room. "He's just lying there looking sick," he told me. "I'm serious, Dad. Can you help?"

I put my best hamster-healer statement on my face and followed him into his bedroom. One of the little rodents was indeed lying on his back, looking stressed. I immediately knew what to do. "Honey," I called, "come look at the hamster!"

Oh my gosh," my wife diagnosed after a minute. "She's having babies."

"What?" my son demanded. "But their names are Bert and Ernie, Mom!" I was equally outraged. "Hey, how can that be? I thought we said we didn't want them to reproduce," I accused my wife.

"Well, what do you want me to do, post a sign in their cage?" she inquired. (I actually think she said this sarcastically!)

"No, but you were supposed to get two boys!" I reminded her, (in my most loving, calm, sweet voice, while gritting my teeth together). "Yeah, Bert and Ernie!" my son agreed.

"Well, it's just a little hard to tell on some guys, you know," she informed me. (Again with the sarcasm, you think?) By now the rest of the family had gathered to see what was going on. I shrugged, deciding to make the best of it. "Kids, this is going to be a wondrous experience, I announced. "We're about to witness the miracle of birth." "Oh, Gross!", they shrieked.

"Well, isn't THAT just Great! What are we going to do with a litter of tiny little hamster babies?" my wife wanted to know. (I really do think she was being snotty here too, don't you?)

We peered at the patient. After much struggling, what looked like a tiny foot would appear briefly, vanishing a scant second later. "We don't appear to be making much progress," I noted. "It's breech," my wife whispered, horrified. "Do something, Dad!" my son urged.

"Okay, okay." Squeamishly, I reached in and grabbed the foot when it next appeared, giving it a gingerly tug. It disappeared. I tried several more times with the same results.

"Should I call 911?" my eldest daughter wanted to know. "Maybe they could talk us through the trauma." (You see a pattern here with the females in my house?)

"Let's get Ernie to the vet," I said grimly…. We drove to the vet with my son holding the cage in his lap. "Breathe, Ernie, breathe," he urged.

"I don't think hamsters do Lamaze," his mother noted to him. (Women can be so cruel to their own young. I mean what she does to me is one thing, but this boy is of her womb, for God's sake.)

The vet took Ernie back to the examining room and peered at the little animal through a magnifying glass. "What do you think, Doc, a c-section?" I suggested scientifically.

"Oh, very interesting," he murmured. "Mr. and Mrs. Cameron, may I speak to you privately for a moment?" I gulped, nodding for my son to step outside. "Is Ernie going to be okay?" my wife asked.

"Oh, perfectly," the vet assured us. "This hamster is not in labor. In fact, that isn't EVER going to happen... Ernie is a boy. You see, Ernie is a young male. And occasionally, as they come into maturity, like most male species, they um....um....masturbate. Just the way he did, lying on his back." He blushed, glancing at my wife. "Well, you know what I'm saying, Mr. Cameron."

We were silent, absorbing this. "So Ernie's just.... just... Excited," my wife offered.

"Exactly," the vet replied, relieved that we understood. More silence. Then my viscous, cruel wife started to giggle. And giggle. And then even laugh loudly. "What's so funny?" I demanded, knowing, but not believing that the woman I married would commit the upcoming affront to my flawless manliness.

Tears were now running down her face. "It's just.... that... I'm picturing you pulling on its... its... teeny little..." she gasped for more air to bellow in laughter once more.

"That's enough," I warned. We thanked the Veterinarian and hurriedly bundled the hamsters and our son back into the car. He was glad everything was going to be okay.

"I know Ernie's really thankful for what you've done, Dad," he told me. "Oh, you have NO idea," my wife agreed, collapsing with laughter.

2 - Hamsters - $10...
1 - Cage - $20...
Trip to the Vet - $30...
Memory of your husband pulling on a hamster's wacker - priceless

JeeberD · 09-02-2004, 06:12 PM

Isn't that how The Afoci spends most weeknights?

Franklinnoble · 09-02-2004, 06:15 PM

Somewhere, Richard Gere is smiling...

Yossarian · 09-03-2004, 12:04 AM

armageddon...

randal7 · 05-26-2005, 03:20 AM

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/4578115.stm

Quote:

Hamster virus kills three people

The virus is transmitted through rodent saliva, urine and faeces

Three transplant patients in the US are believed to have died from a virus that originated in a pet hamster.

A Rhode Island woman is thought to have caught the lymphocytic choriomeningitis virus (LCMV) from her hamster shortly before her unrelated death last month.

Her organs were given to four people needing transplants. Three have since died as a result of the infection.

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention is investigating, but experts stressed LCMV is very rare.

This is an extremely rare and unusual event

David Gifford, director for Rhode Island's state health department

David Gifford, director for Rhode Island's state health department, said that, although donated organs were not routinely screened for rodent viruses, patients on the waiting list for organs should not be concerned.

"This is an extremely rare and unusual event," he said.

LCMV infections have been reported in Europe, Australia and Japan.

But the CDC said it was only the second time it had heard of transmission of LCMV through organ transplants.

Two people who received the woman's corneas have yet to be traced.

Expert advice
Avoid contact with house mice
Wash your hands after handling pet rodents, their cages or bedding
Do not kiss your pet or hold it close to your mouth

Source: US CDC

The officials are carrying out further tests on the woman's hamster, which was found to be carrying LCMV.

The virus typically causes only flu-like symptoms in humans and is transmitted by contact with the rodent's saliva, urine or faeces.

However, transplant patients are vulnerable to more severe complications because their immune defence system is suppressed by the strong drugs they have to take to prevent their body rejecting the donor organ.

Bob Corfield, a spokesman for UK Transplant, said there had been no recorded cases in the UK.

Although Britain does not test for LCMV, he said the risk of infection was extremely low and that the current screening of donors for viruses was highly effective.

"The organ donor's detailed health history is established. A person's recent travel history is also checked.

"Blood tests are carried out specifically for Hepatitis B and C, HIV, CMV (Cytomegalovirus) syphillis and toxicology - a check to see if anything in blood that should not be present. He said transplant success rates were constantly improving with 85% of heart transplants, 87% of liver transplants and 93% of living kidney grafts surviving the critical first year. Despite these successes, he said there was still a chronic shortage of donated organs in the UK and urged people to join donor registers.

09-02-2004, 06:12 PM	#2
JeeberD General Manager Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: The Town of Flower Mound	Isn't that how The Afoci spends most weeknights? __________________ UTEP Miners!!! I solemnly swear to never cheer for TO

09-02-2004, 06:15 PM	#3
Franklinnoble Banned Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: Placerville, CA	Somewhere, Richard Gere is smiling...

09-03-2004, 12:04 AM	#4
Yossarian High School Varsity Join Date: Jul 2003	armageddon...

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