How does paper beat rock?

korme · 02-07-2005, 04:05 PM

Thought this was funny.

A Rock, Paper, Scissors Rant
I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no fucking way Paper can beat Rock. Paper is supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? Why the hell cant paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear that shit up in 2 seconds. When I play rock/ paper/ scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my already clenched fist and say, oh shit, I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you, you asshole

JAG · 02-07-2005, 04:17 PM

This needs to be sent to that RPS society.

Desnudo · 02-07-2005, 04:18 PM

Paper should be replaced with something stronger like duct tape.

Axxon · 02-07-2005, 04:24 PM

Well, rock doesn't have a point which would pierce paper. If paper covered scissors they'd simply open and close and fuck paper up.

What can rock do? Zip, that's what. Even if you hurled a rock with paper already covering it, paper would remain unharmed. Rocks only chance is a preemptive strike and the game is too simple to cover this eventuality.

Axxon · 02-07-2005, 04:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shorty3281

I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my already clenched fist and say, oh shit, I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you, you asshole

Ah, but if said fist was already covered by said paper then you'd look awfully silly trying to punch a guy who had your rocklike fist in his papery hand.

Funny, yes, but a totally stupid rant once you break it down.

Axxon · 02-07-2005, 04:33 PM

The moral of the whole thing is don't mock the wisdom of the ancients or their games. They've had centuries to think this stuff out.

Ryno · 02-07-2005, 04:33 PM

Good ole rock. Nothing beats rock.

Axxon · 02-07-2005, 04:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ryno

Good ole rock. Nothing beats rock.

Not even Hulk Hogan.

JAG · 02-07-2005, 05:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Axxon

Well, rock doesn't have a point which would pierce paper. If paper covered scissors they'd simply open and close and fuck paper up.

What can rock do? Zip, that's what. Even if you hurled a rock with paper already covering it, paper would remain unharmed. Rocks only chance is a preemptive strike and the game is too simple to cover this eventuality.

If a rock smashes the crap out of scissors, the scissors are worthless.

If scissors cuts up paper to shreads, the paper is worthless (except as confetti).

If you put a ton of paper around a rock...you can still use it as a doorstop, throw it through a window, or whatever you do with a rock. You haven't changed its rockness like the smushed scissors or the cut up pieces of paper. The only thing you might have a hard time doing is skimming the paper-covered rock across a pond. It's a very weak victory for paper compared with scissors and rock.

Thank you. This will conclude the silliest argument I will make this week.

Axxon · 02-07-2005, 05:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JAG

If a rock smashes the crap out of scissors, the scissors are worthless.

If scissors cuts up paper to shreads, the paper is worthless (except as confetti).

If you put a ton of paper around a rock...you can still use it as a doorstop, throw it through a window, or whatever you do with a rock. You haven't changed its rockness like the smushed scissors or the cut up pieces of paper. The only thing you might have a hard time doing is skimming the paper-covered rock across a pond. It's a very weak victory for paper compared with scissors and rock.

Thank you. This will conclude the silliest argument I will make this week.

It may be a weak victory my friend, but winning is winning and you've admitted that in the scenario of the game, paper wins versus rock.

It may well be the silliest discussion but somehow, to me, it's one of the coolest. I mean, think about it, the chances of offending anyone is practically zero. Most arguments around here lately tend to offend someone at some point.

QuikSand · 02-07-2005, 05:13 PM

It has to.

Axxon · 02-07-2005, 05:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by QuikSand

It has to.

Well of course it does but man, that's a coldly clinical analysis even for a computer.

AlexB · 02-07-2005, 05:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Axxon

It may be a weak victory my friend, but winning is winning and you've admitted that in the scenario of the game, paper wins versus rock.

Paper winning over rock is almost as weak as Scotty 2 Hotty's worm...

Axxon · 02-07-2005, 05:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jari Rantanen's Shorts

Paper winning over rock is almost as weak as Scotty 2 Hotty's worm...

Hey, if the pen is mightier than the sword then paper can kick rocks ass any day.

AlexB · 02-07-2005, 05:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Axxon

Hey, if the pen is mightier than the sword then paper can kick rocks ass any day.

Difficult one: a pen writes all over paper, can put insults, curses and whatever it feels like on it so has to be considered stronger than paper.

And remember to the sword in the stone? That old rock held the sword captive for as long as anybody could remember, and so rock has to beat the sword.

So the pens mightier than the sword, but paper and rock are smack in the middle of the two and so is little help in determining the winner of paper and rock.

You need to get an independent item to split paper and rock, not two things that bookend them to prove your argument.

Fire: beats paper without any argument, but put a big old boulder on a bonfire that flame's going down - rock beats fire, fire beats paper: we have a winner!

cuervo72 · 02-07-2005, 05:52 PM

Rock paper scissors match."
"Alright! Rock beats paper!"
"I thought paper covered rock."
"Nah, rock flys right through paper."
"Well, what beats rock?"
"Nothing beats rock."

cthomer5000 · 02-07-2005, 06:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ryno

Good ole rock. Nothing beats rock.

One of my all-time favorite Simpsons moments.

jbmagic · 02-07-2005, 06:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ryno

Good ole rock. Nothing beats rock.

yes it does

if you play with Dynamite

EagleFan · 02-07-2005, 06:58 PM

"One, Two Three"
"Rock" "Rock"
"One, Two, Three"
"Rock" "Rock"
...
...
...
...

gstelmack · 02-07-2005, 07:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jbmagic

yes it does

if you play with Dynamite

Ding ding ding ding ding! I don't think I ever played "Rock Paper Scissors" as a kid without dynamite being thrown into the mix.

Buccaneer · 02-07-2005, 08:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by gstelmack

Ding ding ding ding ding! I don't think I ever played "Rock Paper Scissors" as a kid without dynamite being thrown into the mix.

Or worse, a crazy duck with dynamite.

Coder · 02-08-2005, 03:00 AM

Paper = bag... Paperbag!! Doh! (Swedish version is actually rock-scissors-bag, not rock-scissors-paper)

Julio Riddols · 02-08-2005, 11:39 AM

Paper is more of a ring technician who wins by decision by out boxing Rock, who is more of a Mike Tyson-esque pure puncher who just flails wildly. Scissors has a good combination of both skills, but not enough of either to stand up to Rock's fighting style, so Rock usually ends up landing a power shot and simply breaking Scissors. Paper gets beat by Scissors ability to combine skill and power and eventually loses by TKO because of a bad cut somewhere.

Thats my take. Rock Paper Scissors is like boxing.

gottimd · 02-08-2005, 11:45 AM

You could always play Foot, Cockroach, Nuclear Bomb. Foot beats cockroach by smashing it, nuclear bomb beats foot by blowing it up, cockroach beats nuclear bomb by surviving the blast.

Julio Riddols · 02-08-2005, 11:50 AM

excellent idea gottimd. I think you may have just revolutionized the way people play fist against palm games.. Now we just have to have the hand signals for each..

sterlingice · 02-08-2005, 12:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ryno

Good ole rock. Nothing beats rock.

I think this is the second or third time I've posted this here

Lisa: Look, there's only one way to settle this. Rock-paper-scissors.
Lisa's brain: Poor predictable Bart. Always takes `rock'.
Bart's brain: Good ol' `rock'. Nuthin' beats that!
Bart: Rock!
Lisa: Paper.
Bart: D'oh!

SI

Desnudo · 02-08-2005, 12:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sterlingice

I think this is the second or third time I've posted this here

Lisa: Look, there's only one way to settle this. Rock-paper-scissors.
Lisa's brain: Poor predictable Bart. Always takes `rock'.
Bart's brain: Good ol' `rock'. Nuthin' beats that!
Bart: Rock!
Lisa: Paper.
Bart: D'oh!

SI

I've always been a rock man myself. Scissors are the domain of the sneaky bastard who won't go toe to toe with you. Paper is boring, the bureaucratic way of winning. Rock is a man's choice. Solid, dependable, unbreakable.

AlexB · 02-08-2005, 01:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by gottimd

You could always play Foot, Cockroach, Nuclear Bomb. Foot beats cockroach by smashing it, nuclear bomb beats foot by blowing it up, cockroach beats nuclear bomb by surviving the blast.

Paper · 02-09-2005, 10:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Axxon

It may be a weak victory my friend, but winning is winning and you've admitted that in the scenario of the game, paper wins versus rock.

It may well be the silliest discussion but somehow, to me, it's one of the coolest. I mean, think about it, the chances of offending anyone is practically zero. Most arguments around here lately tend to offend someone at some point.

I'm offended.

gottimd · 02-09-2005, 10:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Paper

I'm offended.

Over/Under is 10 minutes on "Scissors" to respond to this.

Axxon · 02-09-2005, 01:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Paper

I'm offended.

And I defended you too.

JeeberD · 02-09-2005, 01:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Paper

I'm offended.

02-07-2005, 04:24 PM	#4
Axxon Pro Starter Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Phoenix, AZ	Well, rock doesn't have a point which would pierce paper. If paper covered scissors they'd simply open and close and fuck paper up. What can rock do? Zip, that's what. Even if you hurled a rock with paper already covering it, paper would remain unharmed. Rocks only chance is a preemptive strike and the game is too simple to cover this eventuality. __________________ There are no houris, alas, in our heaven.

02-07-2005, 04:33 PM	#6
Axxon Pro Starter Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Phoenix, AZ	The moral of the whole thing is don't mock the wisdom of the ancients or their games. They've had centuries to think this stuff out. __________________ There are no houris, alas, in our heaven.

02-07-2005, 05:52 PM	#16
cuervo72 Head Coach Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Maryland	Rock paper scissors match." "Alright! Rock beats paper!" "I thought paper covered rock." "Nah, rock flys right through paper." "Well, what beats rock?" "Nothing beats rock." __________________ null

02-08-2005, 03:00 AM	#22
Coder College Prospect Join Date: Nov 2000 Location: Gothenburg, Sweden	Paper = bag... Paperbag!! Doh! (Swedish version is actually rock-scissors-bag, not rock-scissors-paper) __________________ IFL - Vermont Mountaineers ~ I am an idiot, walking a tight rope of fortunate things ~

02-08-2005, 11:39 AM	#23
Julio Riddols College Prospect Join Date: Feb 2001 Location: Bryson Shitty, NC	Paper is more of a ring technician who wins by decision by out boxing Rock, who is more of a Mike Tyson-esque pure puncher who just flails wildly. Scissors has a good combination of both skills, but not enough of either to stand up to Rock's fighting style, so Rock usually ends up landing a power shot and simply breaking Scissors. Paper gets beat by Scissors ability to combine skill and power and eventually loses by TKO because of a bad cut somewhere. Thats my take. Rock Paper Scissors is like boxing. __________________ Recklessly enthused, stubbornly amused. FUCK EA

02-07-2005, 04:17 PM	#2
JAG Grizzled Veteran Join Date: Nov 2000 Location: St. Paul, MN	This needs to be sent to that RPS society.

02-07-2005, 04:18 PM	#3
Desnudo Coordinator Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Here and There	Paper should be replaced with something stronger like duct tape.

02-07-2005, 04:33 PM	#7
Ryno H.S. Freshman Team Join Date: May 2004 Location: Peoria, IL	Good ole rock. Nothing beats rock.

02-07-2005, 05:13 PM	#11
QuikSand lolzcat Join Date: Oct 2000 Location: Annapolis, Md	It has to.

02-07-2005, 06:58 PM	#19
EagleFan Hall Of Famer Join Date: Nov 2000 Location: Mays Landing, NJ USA	"One, Two Three" "Rock" "Rock" "One, Two, Three" "Rock" "Rock" ... ... ... ...

02-08-2005, 11:45 AM	#24
gottimd Dearly Missed (9/25/77-12/23/08) Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: DC Suburbs	You could always play Foot, Cockroach, Nuclear Bomb. Foot beats cockroach by smashing it, nuclear bomb beats foot by blowing it up, cockroach beats nuclear bomb by surviving the blast. __________________ NAFL New Orleans Saints GM/Co-Commish MP Career Record: 114-85 NAFL Super Bowl XI Champs In memory of Gavin Anthony: 7/22/08-7/26/08

02-08-2005, 11:50 AM	#25
Julio Riddols College Prospect Join Date: Feb 2001 Location: Bryson Shitty, NC	excellent idea gottimd. I think you may have just revolutionized the way people play fist against palm games.. Now we just have to have the hand signals for each.. __________________ Recklessly enthused, stubbornly amused. FUCK EA

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