What Would Bono Do?

[Buccaneer]

My brother sent me this and thought I would share it with fellow U2 fanatics here

A Bono-fied Religion

Los Angeles Times, February 18, 2005

Geoff Boucher

I have been thinking about religion a lot lately. This
is surprising because in 1981 the nuns at St. Stephens
politely suggested to my mother that I might be better
suited for public school. After you get pinched for
selling pages of Playboy at recess you don't get 20
Hail Marys — the sisters show you the door. Anyway I
thought that was it for me.

But now, well, I just turned 35, and my wife informed
me that is pretty much middle age because she doesn't
expect me to be pushing past 70. My knees can't take
the Catholic aerobics anymore (stand-sit-kneel,
stand-sit-kneel) and you need a SAG card for cabala or
Scientology. I would need to find my own path. Then I
heard the voice of a higher power.

"Hello, hello, hola!" It was Bono. The truth came in
an iPod commercial, which is, I guess, not that
surprising. He was wearing black leather pants, which,
I'll grant you, is not your traditional prophet look,
but I knew that this man, this humanitarian, this
rocker, would be the star I would use to navigate my
life.

W.W.B.D. What would Bono do?

It would be my new life framework.

Once, Bono was a human like the rest of us. His name
was Paul something but, like the Dalai Lama, he got a
cool holy name. Bono Vox. It's Latin for "good voice."
Or maybe it means "big noise." My Latin really
suffered in public school. Anyway, he became a rock
star. He played Live Aid and then, unlike Phil Collins
or those other part-time do-gooders, my man Bono went
to feed famine victims. He has palled around with the
pope and President Clinton, sang with Johnny Cash and
Frank Sinatra, and used the F-word on the Golden
Globes, prompting the FCC to create the "Bono rule."
U2 is getting inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of
Fame this year, and I'm guessing the short list of
people to induct Bono includes Mick Jagger and Nelson
Mandela.

Keep your yoga and your Yoda. This guy is the path to
enlightenment.

I got an iPod and had it engraved. Three Chords and
the Truth. It's a line from "Rattle and Hum" that Bono
stole from a great country songwriter named Harlan
Howard, but hey, you don't think John the Baptist
copped a good line if he heard one? I began wearing
sunglasses at inappropriate times of day. I surrounded
myself with supermodels. Well, actually it was
magazines with supermodels.

I have followed Bono before. In the 1980s I got an
ill-advised haircut modeled on the singer's Dublin
mullet. This time I knew it was about something more
important than the way you get your hair cut, even if
my wife was too dense to get it. "You want to buy
leather pants? Why do you want to buy leather pants?"

"Why? Because I have scaled these city walls, these
city walls, only to be with you. But I still haven't
found what I'm looking for." She didn't say anything,
so I guess she finally is getting it.

I didn't get the pants, but I began staging press
conferences to laud the social value of Third World
debt relief. There's one next Tuesday if you're free.
I also asked my best friend to wear a ski cap and hold
a guitar whenever he stands next to me. At Trader
Joe's, I reminded the clerk of the wisdom of Saint
Bono: "I don't believe the Devil, I don't believe his
book. But the truth is not the same without the lies
he made up." I was very satisfied with the solemn way
she nodded. This church is going to be great. I could
sell tickets.

[Karlifornia]

I don't know if I should feel bad for thinking Bono needs a cockpunching.

[Ragone]