Uranus is responsible for sea quakes

[randal7]

http://www.mg.co.za/articlepage.aspx...ticleid=200526 Uranus is 'responsible' for sea quakes Uranus may be responsible for recent devastating Asian sea quakes because the mystery-shrouded "planet of calamity" is unusually close to the Earth, tabloid newspaper readers in Germany were warned on Wednesday. Under the front-page headline "Uncanny Uranus", the report in theBild newspaper cited an array of experts, ranging from Nasa scientists to TV astrologers, saying the seventh planet from the sun possesses a "quadripolar" magnetic field that acts as "a giant cosmic vacuum cleaner". This heavenly Hoover is literally sucking the Earth's tectonic plates out of their beddings, according to Bild, Europe's largest daily newspaper with more than five million readers. This magnetic pull is strongest along the Earth's equator because the tropics are marginally closer to Uranus than the poles are. The magnetic forces "are strong enough at the equator to suck up electrically charged dust particles", which could, in turn, disturb the Earth's crust and spawn killer sea quakes and resulting tidal waves. The reason these natural phenomena have increased of late is that the distant planet's orbit has brought Uranus uncomfortably close to Earth. Instead of being its usual 3,14-billion kilometres from Earth, Uranus currently is a mere 2,59-billion kilometres away. And it will remain this close through the year 2012, so Bild warns that we could be in for more uncanny Uranian catastrophes well into the next decade until Uranus slowly retreats back into its proper place in the Outer Solar System. "With its 11 rings and 18 moons, Uranus is in fact different from everything else in our Solar System," said Edward Stone, Voyager project scientist since 1972. The German paper quoted Stone at length, saying that Voyager 2 had raised almost more questions than it had solved. Since launch on August 20 1977, Voyager 2's itinerary has taken the spacecraft to Jupiter in July 1979, Saturn in August 1981, then becoming the only spacecraft to visit Uranus and Neptune, in 1986 and 1989 respectively. Both Voyager 2 and its twin, Voyager 1, will eventually leave our solar system and enter interstellar space. Voyager 2's images of the five largest moons around Uranus revealed complex surfaces indicative of varying geologic pasts. The cameras also detected 10 previously unseen moons. Several instruments studied the ring system, uncovering the fine detail of the previously known rings and two newly detected rings. Voyager data showed that the planet's rate of rotation is a brisk 17 hours and 14 minutes. The spacecraft also found that uncanny Uranian magnetic field that is both large and unusual. Because the axis of Uranus is tilted at right angles to all other planets, its rings are at 90 degrees to the planet's orbit about the sun. But the paper also quoted astrologists who noted that Uranus has always been an oddity. It has been equated with upheavals, calamitous change and general quirkiness since it was discovered and added to the Zodiac in the late 18th Century. "There's a planetary constellation right now that could be responsible for flooding and earthquakes," astrologer Karin Stahl said ominously. And Germany's best-known astrologer, Winfried Noe, who recently launched the world's first occult-arts television network, Astro TV, was quoted as saying the phase of natural catastrophes could last a decade or more because it takes that long for Uranus to transit an astrological sign. "Uranus is currently in the sign of Pisces," Noe told the paper. "And that is a harbinger of disaster." -- Sapa/DPA No particular point here except that the title made me laugh.

[Ksyrup]

I haven't been in the ocean for at least a year, so that takes me off the hook. Who here recently coupled an outing at the beach with a mexican buffet?

[Ragone]

we've got to..... get to... uranus.... and... wipe out..... the... klingons

[Tekneek]

Oh my goodness. I thought the tsunamis were because of the prostitution? I can't keep all these theories straight anymore.

[Airhog]

I knew Kristie Alley's Ass was getting big, but this is just ridiculous!

[Ragone]

Originally Posted by Airhog

I knew Kristie Alley's Ass was getting big, but this is just ridiculous!

I believe thats the black hole problem airhog.. keep em straight

[fantastic flying froggies]

Along similar lines, I've heard that a corporation called Uranus is gonna buy out Hertz, the car-rental company. The new company will now be known as Uranus-Hertz.

*groan*

[sterlingice]

The top story in the Lawrence Journal World reminds me of a Simpsons episode, but it's not really April Fools:

http://www.ljworld.com/section/crime_fire/story/200652

Notorious sex offender is moving to Lawrence
State won't reveal address, citing privacy of convict


Kent: I'm Kent Brockman. On the eleven o'clock news tonight, a certain kind of soft drink has been found to be lethal. We won't tell you which one until after sports and the weather with Funny Sonny Storm.

SI