Reds sporttalk guy goes whackaloon

SirFozzie · 04-06-2005, 11:06 AM

got this from the latest King Kaufman sports column.

If you've been wondering which baseball team has been anointed by God, the answer is the Cincinnati Reds. At least that's the gospel according to a Cincinnati sportstalk radio host named Andy Furman.

I wish I'd known this before I made my National League picks. But reader Michael Vines only hipped me to the good news on Tuesday.

When the Reds opened their season at home against the New York Mets Monday, Furman led into the game broadcast with a fire-and-brimstone sermon extolling the virtues of God, U.S. troops, Pope John Paul II and the Cincinnati Reds. You can hear it yourself at mlb.com, where you can listen to either team's radio broadcast of every game all year if you're inclined to pay $14.95.

The first Reds broadcast of the season starts with Furman talking over "The Battle Hymn of the Republic." That ridiculous cliché, more than the whacked-out nature of the sermon -- which at one point has the Reds looking down from heaven -- is a clue the whole thing might be a joke. But if it is, I don't get it. A transcript:

"Whether it's Vietnam, whether it's the Persian Gulf War or whether it's Iraq, whenever American soldiers are marching around the globe: God almighty -- God, who called home John Paul the Great -- will determine once again the path and the mark, a great American victory overseas in the Persian Gulf area now, in 2005.

"As God is my witness, as sure as there is a pope in heaven today, as sure as the mighty Ohio River flows in between Ohio and Kentucky, as surely as the Furman brothers sitting next to me now, circumcised, as sure as I'm sitting here, once again, God will say, 'It is time for the Reds to march.' From the Civil War to World War I to World II to Vietnam to the Persian Gulf War, and to Mosul and to Falujah, one baseball team has been called by God to look down from heaven above, and to represent him.

"It's not about football, Andy. It's not about basketball, Randy. It's not about swimming. It's not about field hockey. It's not about bowling. It's not about tennis. It's about one sport that God almighty has determined to represent America, and that sport is baseball.

"And the one team, the one team that is best represented is the oldest and the best franchise. Whether it's G.I. Joe or the Doughboys. No matter what it is. Say it loud, Furman brothers, the Reds are No. 1. God bless America, and God bless the Cincinnati Reds on 700, WLW."

Reds fans can take comfort that God's on their side, but would it be blasphemous to ask why He can't do something about the pitching?

sovereignstar · 04-06-2005, 11:09 AM

Can I get an AMEN!!??

JonInMiddleGA · 04-06-2005, 11:09 AM

Actually, if you've listened to Andy before, that's kinda mild

SirFozzie · 04-06-2005, 11:11 AM

MILD? I'd hate to see this guy full bore then!

Bearcat729 · 04-06-2005, 11:15 AM

Furman is an ass, and if 700 had any brains they would replace him with Lance McCallister who is on the sports talk station here in Cincy.

JonInMiddleGA · 04-06-2005, 11:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SirFozzie

MILD? I'd hate to see this guy full bore then!

He tends to get a little wound up sometimes (he's been campaigning to buy half-interest in the Reds for quite a while now). But, considering that he shares a signal with Bill Cunningham, he kinda has to get out there pretty far to get any attention.
(those who've listened to WLW over the years will get that one I'm pretty sure)

Subby · 04-06-2005, 11:19 AM

I'm glad to know he's circumcised!

Honolulu_Blue · 04-06-2005, 11:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SirFozzie

It's not about field hockey.

Field hockey? FIELD HOCKEY?? Why the hell is this guy bringing up field hockey instead of regular hockey? Man, even whacko nut-jobs don't respect the game...

scooper · 04-06-2005, 11:25 AM

Andy Furman is a boob. I can't stand his show. Lance McCalister on the other hand is a good listen.

Ksyrup · 04-06-2005, 11:35 AM

It's only a matter of time before he announces his run for mayor...

Bearcat729 · 04-06-2005, 12:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ksyrup

It's only a matter of time before he announces his run for mayor...

I think he may have tried once already.

finkenst · 04-06-2005, 10:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JonInMiddleGA

He tends to get a little wound up sometimes (he's been campaigning to buy half-interest in the Reds for quite a while now). But, considering that he shares a signal with Bill Cunningham, he kinda has to get out there pretty far to get any attention.
(those who've listened to WLW over the years will get that one I'm pretty sure)

sadly, i get that reference.

Does Mike McConnell still do the Midday show on 700 WLW?

sterlingice · 04-07-2005, 01:41 AM

I think God works in more mysterious ways than Paul Wilson last season or Joe Randa this year so far.

SI

04-06-2005, 11:09 AM	#3
JonInMiddleGA Hall Of Famer Join Date: Nov 2000 Location: Behind Enemy Lines in Athens, GA	Actually, if you've listened to Andy before, that's kinda mild __________________ "I lit another cigarette. Unless I specifically inform you to the contrary, I am always lighting another cigarette." - from a novel by Martin Amis

04-06-2005, 11:11 AM	#4
SirFozzie Hall Of Famer Join Date: Nov 2000 Location: The State of Insanity	MILD? I'd hate to see this guy full bore then! __________________ Check out Foz's New Video Game Site, An 8-bit Mind in an 8GB world! http://an8bitmind.com

04-06-2005, 11:15 AM	#5
Bearcat729 College Benchwarmer Join Date: Oct 2000 Location: Cincinnati, Ohio	Furman is an ass, and if 700 had any brains they would replace him with Lance McCallister who is on the sports talk station here in Cincy. __________________ Bearcat729 on XBox Live and PSN

04-06-2005, 11:19 AM	#7
Subby lolzcat Join Date: Oct 2000 Location: sans pants	I'm glad to know he's circumcised! __________________ Superman was flying around and saw Wonder Woman getting a tan in the nude on her balcony. Superman said I going to hit that real fast. So he flys down toward Wonder Woman to hit it and their is a loud scream. The Invincible Man scream what just hit me in the ass!!!!! I do shit, I take pictures, I write about it: chrisshue.com

04-06-2005, 11:35 AM	#10
Ksyrup This guy has posted so much, his fingers are about to fall off. Join Date: Nov 2000 Location: In Absentia	It's only a matter of time before he announces his run for mayor... __________________ M's pitcher Miguel Batista: "Now, I feel like I've had everything. I've talked pitching with Sandy Koufax, had Kenny G play for me. Maybe if I could have an interview with God, then I'd be served. I'd be complete."

04-06-2005, 11:09 AM	#2
sovereignstar Pro Starter Join Date: Feb 2004	Can I get an AMEN!!??

04-06-2005, 11:25 AM	#9
scooper College Benchwarmer Join Date: Oct 2000 Location: Cinn City	Andy Furman is a boob. I can't stand his show. Lance McCalister on the other hand is a good listen.

04-07-2005, 01:41 AM	#13
sterlingice Hall Of Famer Join Date: Apr 2002 Location: Back in Houston!	I think God works in more mysterious ways than Paul Wilson last season or Joe Randa this year so far. SI __________________ Houston Hippopotami, III.3: 20th Anniversary Thread - All former HT players are encouraged to check it out! Janos: "Only America could produce an imbecile of your caliber!" Freakazoid: "That's because we make lots of things better than other people!"

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