Great Marketing Campaigns You've Thought Up

[Raiders Army]

I was talking to a co-worker yesterday and I told her I should have gone into marketing since I have a bunch of great ideas to increase business. Coupons are underutilized in many industries, yet supermarkets use them to gain business. Even more interesting, supermarkets run "double coupon" sales.

What if doctors had coupons? 30% off your next visit.

What if mortuaries ran a two for one sale? If you and a relative die in the same week, they'll bury you at the cost of one person.

What if lawyers price matched? I found another lawyer who would do it for less so my lawyer price matched and gave me 10% off.

What if you travelled a lot in your job and Budweiser agreed to "sponsor" you? You would put Budweiser stickers all over your car and get free beer.

Just a few random thoughts on a Thursday before I go home.

[Ksyrup]

One day I hope to film a Tallahassee tourism ad. I've had it in my mind for years, and my friends think it's great. Actually, it cam be adapted to just about any city, but Tally will always be "the original."

The setting...the typical familymobile, mom, dad, and the kids piled into an SUV/minivan driving East on I-10 on the way to Orlando or somewhere fun for vacation.

The first scene, the kids are fighting about something, and the mom is berating the dad for driving too fast. The dad doesn't look happy. Flash to a sign on the side of the road that says, Tallahassee 100 miles, Orlando 350 miles.

Next scene, same deal...kids are starting in with the "Are we there yet?" and "I have to go to the bathroom" crap. Dad's getting pissed and/or wishing he was anywhere but in the car. Sign on the side of the road says Tallahasee 50 miles, Orlando 300 miles.

Next scene, same deal, kids and mom are fighting about where to eat dinner, mom smacks both kids in the head, etc. Typical family fun. Dad's about ready to hang himself. Sign on the side of the road says Tallahassee Next Exit, Orlando 250 miles.

Last scene, just as the exit approaches, Dad yanks the car into the exit lane and we watch the car head down the exit lane to a light.

At the bottom of the screen fades in the slogan:

Tallahassee.... when you don't give a rat's ass where you vacation.


Sure to double Tallahassee's already booming non-football/college/government-related tourist season. Guaranteed.

[Flasch186]

i came up with this one, check it out:


An over the hill singer of a band dressed up in some sort of garb, singing a jingle...

a pornstar picking some sort of food off of a tree...

a couple of hoochies on one of those 2 person train thingys....

a swinging wanna be....

and a mascot of a fast food restaraunt...





what do ya think?

[VPI97]

No matter what you're trying to sell, a little hardcore porn can't hurt.

[Suicane75]

Fade in on a luscious female face, full ruby lips, sparkling eyes, just sexy as hell.
Camera slowly pans out to reveal shes topless. Big, full luscious breasts.
Camera pans out further to reveal she's totaly naked on a stool with her legs akimbo.
She brings her hands up to cup her breasts, lowering her face she softly licks a nipple and eyes the camera seductively.
Slowly slides 2 fingers down her body and in between her legs.
She gives a come hither look to the camera as she slides those 2 finger into herself, removes them, brings them to her lips and sucks on them like she dyeing of thirst.
Fade to black.

BUY COKE

TM Bill Hicks

[Ksyrup]

Originally Posted by Suicane75

Fade in on a luscious female face, full ruby lips, sparkling eyes, just sexy as hell.
Camera slowly pans out to reveal shes topless. Big, full luscious breasts.
Camera pans out further to reveal she's totaly naked on a stool with her legs akimbo.
She brings her hands up to cup her breasts, lowering her face she softly licks a nipple and eyes the camera seductively.
Slowly slides 2 fingers down her body and in between her legs.
She gives a come hither look to the camera as she slides those 2 finger into herself, removes them, brings them to her lips and suckson them like she dyeing of thirst.
Fade to black.

BUY COKE

Hey, Bill Hicks thought of that one...and he's been dead over a decade! Get your own ideas!

[Suicane75]

Originally Posted by Ksyrup

Hey, Bill Hicks thought of that one...and he's been dead over a decade! Get your own ideas!

Whats he gonna do, sue me?

[sabotai]

The legacy of Bill Hicks lives on. What a genius.

[kurtism]

RIP, Mr. Hicks

[kurtism]

Dola:

More on the subject from Bill:

"By the way if anyone here is in advertising or marketing... kill yourself. No, no, no it's just a little thought. I'm just trying to plant seeds. Maybe one day, they'll take root - I don't know. You try, you do what you can. Kill yourself. Seriously though, if you are, do. Aaah, no really, there's no rationalisation for what you do and you are Satan's little helpers, Okay - kill yourself - seriously. You are the ruiner of all things good, seriously. No this is not a joke, you're going, "there's going to be a joke coming," there's no fucking joke coming. You are Satan's spawn filling the world with bile and garbage. You are fucked and you are fucking us. Kill yourself. It's the only way to save your fucking soul, kill yourself. Planting seeds. I know all the marketing people are going, "he's doing a joke... there's no joke here whatsoever. Suck a tail-pipe, fucking hang yourself, borrow a gun from a friend - I don't care how you do it. Rid the world of your evil fucking machinations. I know what all the marketing people are thinking right now too, "Oh, you know what Bill's doing, he's going for that anti-marketing dollar. That's a good market, he's very smart." Oh man, I am not doing that. You fucking evil scumbags! "Ooh, you know what Bill's doing now, he's going for the righteous indignation dollar. That's a big dollar. A lot of people are feeling that indignation. We've done research - huge market. He's doing a good thing." Godammit, I'm not doing that, you scum-bags!
Quit putting a godamm dollar sign on every fucking thing on this planet!
"Ooh, the anger dollar. Huge. Huge in times of recession. Giant market, Bill's very bright to do that." God, I'm just caught in a fucking web! "Ooh the trapped dollar, big dollar, huge dollar. Good market - look at our research. We see that many people feel trapped. If we play to that and then separate them into the trapped dollar..." How do you live like that? And I bet you sleep like fucking babies at night, don't you?"

[Karlifornia]

How about this:

A young black male goes into a busy liquor store and pulls out a gun. He points it at the indian clerk who begs for his life, saying "Take anything you want!!!". The robber takes a handful of cash out of the register and then fires a few round into the clerk, splattering his grey matter all over the place. Then he turns the gun on an old man and demands his wallet. The petrified victim says, feebly, "Please spare me, I have beautiful grandch--". The assailant blows the old man away midsentence. Then, the man find a little girl hiding behind the hot dog cart. He cocks his weapon and raises it to her blood-specked face. Just as he's about to pull the trigger, she pulls out an ice cold bottle of Miller Genuine Draft. The man withdraws his weapon, drinks the beer and turns away. Right as he gets to the door he looks back at the girl, who meets his gaze. She runs to him, and they head towards the sunset on his motorcycle.

[Ksyrup]

Originally Posted by RadioFriendlyUnitShifter

How about this:

A young black male goes into a busy liquor store and pulls out a gun. He points it at the indian clerk who begs for his life, saying "Take anything you want!!!". The robber takes a handful of cash out of the register and then fires a few round into the clerk, splattering his grey matter all over the place. Then he turns the gun on an old man and demands his wallet. The petrified victim says, feebly, "Please spare me, I have beautiful grandch--". The assailant blows the old man away midsentence. Then, the man find a little girl hiding behind the hot dog cart. He cocks his weapon and raises it to her blood-specked face. Just as he's about to pull the trigger, she pulls out an ice cold bottle of Miller Genuine Draft. The man withdraws his weapon, drinks the beer and turns away. Right as he gets to the door he looks back at the girl, who meets his gaze. She runs to him, and they head towards the sunset on his motorcycle.

If he threw her his blood-spatter shirt ala Mean Joe Greene (with a wink to go with it), I think you'd have a winner.