School shuts down because of Burrito Threat.

[SirFozzie]

(grins) In a story so bizarre it has to be true...

School mistakes huge burrito for a weapon

April 29, 2005

CLOVIS, N.M. -- A call about a possible weapon at a middle school prompted police to put armed officers on rooftops, close nearby streets and lock down the school. All over a giant burrito.
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Someone called authorities Thursday after seeing a boy carrying something long and wrapped into Marshall Junior High.

The drama ended two hours later when the suspicious item was identified as a 30-inch burrito filled with steak, guacamole, lettuce, salsa and jalapenos and wrapped inside tin foil and a white T-shirt.

"I didn't know whether to laugh or cry," school Principal Diana Russell said.

State police, Clovis police and the Curry County Sheriff's Department arrived at the school shortly after 8:30 a.m. They searched the premises and determined there was no immediate danger.

In the meantime, more than 30 parents, alerted by a radio report, descended on the school. Visibly shaken, they gathered around in a semi-circle, straining their necks, awaiting news.

"There needs to be security before the kids walk through the door," said Heather Black, whose son attends the school.

After the lockdown was lifted but before the burrito was identified as the culprit, parents pulled 75 students out of school, Russell said.

Russell said the mystery was solved after she brought everyone in the school together in the auditorium to explain what was going on.

"The kid was sitting there as I'm describing this (report of a student with a suspicious package) and he's thinking, 'Oh, my gosh, they're talking about my burrito.'"

Afterward, eighth-grader Michael Morrissey approached her.

"He said, 'I think I'm the person they saw,'" Russell said.

The burrito was part of Morrissey's extra-credit assignment to create commercial advertising for a product.

"We had to make up a product and it could have been anything. I made up a restaurant that specialized in oddly large burritos," Morrissey said.

After students heard the description of what police were looking for, he and his friends began to make the connection. He then took the burrito to the office.

"The police saw it and everyone just started laughing. It was a laughter of relief," Morrissey said.

"Oh, and I have a new nickname now. It's Burrito Boy.

[Desnudo]

"There needs to be security before the kids walk through the door," said Heather Black, whose son attends the school.

I don't see how you'd detect a burrito. Dogs?

[Ksyrup]

Gas

[terpkristin]

Gah, now all of a sudden I want Chipotle for dinner..
/tk

[SackAttack]

Originally Posted by Ksyrup

Gas

A little late by that point, though, wouldn't you say?

[Farrah Whitworth-Rahn]

Hey - a burrito in the hands (intestines?) of the wrong person could be lethal.

[Solecismic]

The sad thing is that the kid was suspended for a week anyway. Even inadvertently, it's against the rules to bring anything to school that may resemble a weapon to anyone.

Girls in the upper grades are now instructed to remain at home during menstruation so as not to needlessly scare other students.

[bossfan2000]

awesome

[Eaglesfan27]

Originally Posted by Solecismic

The sad thing is that the kid was suspended for a week anyway. Even inadvertently, it's against the rules to bring anything to school that may resemble a weapon to anyone.

Girls in the upper grades are now instructed to remain at home during menstruation so as not to needlessly scare other students.

That is F'd up. How does a Burrito resemble a weapon? Just because some dumbass thought that a long thick object must be a weapon?

[terpkristin]

Maybe it was encased in aluminium foil like Chipotle is...maybe the metallic sheen gave it that appearance (I know, I'm grabbing at straws here, I agree it's kind of stupid).

/tk

[Raiders Army]

Originally Posted by Eaglesfan27

That is F'd up. How does a Burrito resemble a weapon? Just because some dumbass thought that a long thick object must be a weapon?

Then I'm in trouble every day I go to work. Heheh.

[DeToxRox]

Damn. I want a pix of that burrito. It seems impressive.

[SackAttack]

Originally Posted by DeToxRoxDVHStyle

Damn. I want a pix of that burrito. It seems impressive.

[dacman]

OK, they aren't 30 inches, BUT.... http://www.labambaburritos.com/

[DeToxRox]

Originally Posted by SackAttack

Man that looks delish.

[stkelly52]

What is the source of this article?

[SirFozzie]

boston.com AP wire

[Celeval]

http://abcnews.go.com/US/wireStory?id=715583&page=2

[jbmagic]

Originally Posted by Celeval

http://abcnews.go.com/US/wireStory?id=715583&page=2

here page 1

http://abcnews.go.com/US/wireStory?id=715583&page=1

[Celeval]

:-P

[Blackadar]

Originally Posted by Solecismic

The sad thing is that the kid was suspended for a week anyway. Even inadvertently, it's against the rules to bring anything to school that may resemble a weapon to anyone.

Girls in the upper grades are now instructed to remain at home during menstruation so as not to needlessly scare other students.

Where'd you see that? That's not referenced in any of the articles...

[tucker342]

wait, the kid got suspended? By the way, that burrito looks real fuckin' good right now.

[Solecismic]

Originally Posted by Blackadar

Where'd you see that? That's not referenced in any of the articles...

You see. PC has gotten so bad that if someone thinks he's safe making a joke about how absurd "zero tolerance" has gotten, he isn't.

Kid suspended for bringing burrito to school?

I'm sure, however, that if he shared said burrito with any of his classmates, he would have been suspended under the zero tolerance drug policy.

Here's another. And I didn't make this one up:

Originally Posted by AP Philadelphia

A third-grader stuck 19 schoolmates with her mother's diabetes blood-testing needle this week, and one pricked student tested positive for HIV on a preliminary test, officials said.

Health officials said the virus could not have been contracted from the needle stick, and they noted that preliminary tests can yield false positives. The risk to students who were stuck after the possibly infected child depends on factors including the depth of the stick, health officials said.

The 8-year-old stuck her Taylor Elementary schoolmates Wednesday at the school's breakfast, at lunch and in the classroom, using a needle that was about one-third of an inch long, on the end of a device that looks like a pen, school officials said. They were unsure why the girl did it.

Yeah, suspension is in order here. But what's wrong with this story?

Burrito Boy generates a SWAT team on the roof within minutes. Needle Girl was stabbing people at breakfast, at lunch and in the classroom. We're talking about a third-grader here. Is there any supervision whatsoever in the Philly schools?

[Galaxy]

Well, I have a something that is long and could be a "weapon" in my pants, should I turn myself in?

[Eaglesfan27]

Originally Posted by Solecismic

You see. PC has gotten so bad that if someone thinks he's safe making a joke about how absurd "zero tolerance" has gotten, he isn't.

Kid suspended for bringing burrito to school?

I'm sure, however, that if he shared said burrito with any of his classmates, he would have been suspended under the zero tolerance drug policy.

Here's another. And I didn't make this one up:



Yeah, suspension is in order here. But what's wrong with this story?

Burrito Boy generates a SWAT team on the roof within minutes. Needle Girl was stabbing people at breakfast, at lunch and in the classroom. We're talking about a third-grader here. Is there any supervision whatsoever in the Philly schools?

Ok, I re-read your initial post and get it was sarcasm now. The ironic thing is that a girl presented to the hospital where I work tonight. She was court ordered to be admitted into a psychiatric hospital because she went to school today on her period and without any underwear (or sanitary products.) Yes, that was a very odd choice, but does that really make her psychotic or imminent danger to others or self. Sheesh.

[Galaxy]

Originally Posted by Eaglesfan27

Ok, I re-read your initial post and get it was sarcasm now. The ironic thing is that a girl presented to the hospital where I work tonight. She was court ordered to be admitted into a psychiatric hospital because she went to school today on her period and without any underwear (or sanitary products.) Yes, that was a very odd choice, but does that really make her psychotic or imminent danger to others or self. Sheesh.

Just curious, how did they know she didn't have any underwear, or was she in gym class, where she would have to change, ect?

[Eaglesfan27]

Originally Posted by Galaxy

Just curious, how did they know she didn't have any underwear, or was she in gym class, where she would have to change, ect?

It was obvious from what I heard. I didn't go into too much detail. Still, this was one of the worst uses of a judicial committment I've ever seen here in Louisiana (and I've seen quite a few bad ones.) Mind you, the Mother did not want her child hospitalized.

[sabotai]

Originally Posted by Solecismic

Needle Girl was stabbing people at breakfast, at lunch and in the classroom. We're talking about a third-grader here. Is there any supervision whatsoever in the Philly schools?

Nope!

[JediKooter]

Well, the only thing that goes in Clovis NM, is the smell of cows and Cannon AFB. So, I'm sure this is the most 'action' the Curry County law has seen in years. I was stationed there for 2 years when I was in the Air Force and nothing, I mean nothing goes on in that town. The huge event when I was there was when Taco Bell and Red Lobster came to town. 2 hour wait at Taco Bell, TACO BELL!! and much much longer for Red Lobster. So, it doesn't surprise me that a overly large burrito caused that much attention.

[Eaglesfan27]

Originally Posted by JediKooter

2 hour wait at Taco Bell, TACO BELL!!

[Ragone]

You know Chipotle is owned by mcdonalds right.. its mcdonalds mexican!


Anyway, i was wondering if this was the same burrito quiktrip sells.. aptly named "the bomb"

[st.cronin]

Originally Posted by Solecismic

The sad thing is that the kid was suspended for a week anyway. Even inadvertently, it's against the rules to bring anything to school that may resemble a weapon to anyone.

Girls in the upper grades are now instructed to remain at home during menstruation so as not to needlessly scare other students.

Do the girls have to go live in a tent?

[terpkristin]

Originally Posted by Ragone

You know Chipotle is owned by mcdonalds right.. its mcdonalds mexican!


Anyway, i was wondering if this was the same burrito quiktrip sells.. aptly named "the bomb"

Since I'm the one who mentioned Chipotle, I'll follow this up. Yep I know they're owned by McDonald's and even I wholeheartedly believe McD's Corp is really run by the devil, they're also the closest burrito joint to me. There's a much better joint up in Columbia, MD (also one in Towson, MD) called Frisco Burrito, that if it weren't a minimum 20 minute drive I'd go to in a heartbeat. Alas. Sometimes, you crave that burrito and you gotta do what you gotta do.

/tk

[st.cronin]

I used to have a girlfriend who called my randy johnson a 'burrito.'

[SackAttack]

Originally Posted by st.cronin

I used to have a girlfriend who called my randy johnson a 'burrito.'

So you're saying it was something floppy she could really sink her teeth into that gave her gas afterwards?

[Schmidty]

Originally Posted by st.cronin

I used to have a girlfriend who called my randy johnson a 'burrito.'

Your penis has a mullet?

[st.cronin]

Originally Posted by Schmidty

Your penis has a mullet?

Doesn't everyone's?

[st.cronin]

Originally Posted by SackAttack

So you're saying it was something floppy she could really sink her teeth into that gave her gas afterwards?

touche

Although I think the idea was that it was easy to prepare, and typically left her with that nice 'full' feeling.

[sterlingice]

Originally Posted by Ragone

You know Chipotle is owned by mcdonalds right.. its mcdonalds mexican!


Anyway, i was wondering if this was the same burrito quiktrip sells.. aptly named "the bomb"

They own Boston Market, too. Both are miles better in terms of food quality when compared to McDonalds, thankfully.

SI

[judicial clerk]

Burrito Boy generates a SWAT team on the roof within minutes. Needle Girl was stabbing people at breakfast, at lunch and in the classroom. We're talking about a third-grader here. Is there any supervision whatsoever in the Philly schools?

from the Philly unified school district policy and procedure manual

38(A) On-Campus Stabbings
(1) Stabbing. Stabbing, cutting, puncturing, slashing, or other laceration ("Stabbing") committed by a student against any other student, faculty member, or other member of the public ("Victim") is prohibited as follows:
A. to the extent the Stabbing penetrates the Victim three inches or more;
B. to the extent the Victim suffers two or more Stabbings of at least one inch in the same transaction; or
C. to the extent the Stabbing causes the Victim serious bodily injury or death.
(2) Exceptions. Notwithstanding subsection (1) above, Stabbings are allowed in the following circumstances:
A. During any two day time period follwoing the elimination from playoff contention of the Eagles, Flyers, Phillies, or 76ers in the then current sport season. For purposes of this rule, weekends and holidays do not count towards the above-referenced time period; or
B. Tuesdays.

[Ragone]

I wasn't trying to say chipotle was bad or anything.. its just every person i get into a arguement with does not believe they are owned by mcdonalds.. even though

A. The trucks they get have a freaking BIG MAC on the side
B. The registers are the dead same
C. The Napkins have the freaking golden arches on them

[JeeberD]

This kid sounds like bbor's best friend...

[Desnudo]

Originally Posted by SackAttack

So you're saying it was something floppy she could really sink her teeth into that gave her gas afterwards?

It also gave her a hot, burning sensation.

[terpkristin]

Originally Posted by Ragone

I wasn't trying to say chipotle was bad or anything.. its just every person i get into a arguement with does not believe they are owned by mcdonalds.. even though

A. The trucks they get have a freaking BIG MAC on the side
B. The registers are the dead same
C. The Napkins have the freaking golden arches on them

Wait, you mean that the Chipotle register has a button that says "Big Mac Extra Value Meal" on it?

I do find it amazing how many people DON'T know that they are owned by the same parent company. Regardless. I got my Chipotle fix today for lunch. Mmm burrito.

/tk

[korme]

Originally Posted by Ragone

You know Chipotle is owned by mcdonalds right.. its mcdonalds mexican!


Anyway, i was wondering if this was the same burrito quiktrip sells.. aptly named "the bomb"

what a bummer! i depise mcdonalds. i love chipotle.

[korme]

Originally Posted by Desnudo

It also gave her a hot, burning sensation.

then i did her too, i think. that's how i got that hot, burning sensation.

don't worry, it's gone.



almost.

[LoneStarGirl]

Originally Posted by Shorty3281

what a bummer! i depise mcdonalds. i love chipotle.

How can you despise Mcdonalds??? That is like...despising Wal Mart. It just isn't right

[korme]

Originally Posted by LoneStarGirl

How can you despise Mcdonalds??? That is like...despising Wal Mart. It just isn't right

partly SuperSize Me.. partly that they charged me $.01 so i could get a small mini plastic cup for a drink of water... partly that their chocolate milks are expensive and yet you need 2 if you really want to use it with your whole meal, it's like 2 drinks in a bottle.

partly because it's terrible food (besides the mcchicken).

[JeeberD]

McDonald's is terrible...

[Desnudo]

Just finished a delicious Big Mac. Working on a cheeseburger right now.