This Guy Better Plead or Request a Non-Jury Trial...

Ksyrup · 05-10-2005, 02:54 PM

Enraged Attleboro worker: Make way, goslings, or else!
By Franci Richardson
Sunday, May 8, 2005 - Updated: May 9, 2005 01:35 AM EST

A mother goose leading five of her fluffy little yellow goslings around an Attleboro business property will wake up on Mother's Day childless, as a Columbia University graduate stomped her babies to death.

``In several cases, the intestines were ripped from their small bodies,'' said Attleboro police Lt. Barry Brewer. ``In one case, the eyes were forced from the goslings' small head and those too were stomped. One of the goslings killed in the parking lot was squashed almost flat.''

John Sanders, 33, of North Kingstown, R.I., a programming consultant working at Texas Instruments, told police about 4 p.m. yesterday that he became angry after falling on a path outdoors after the adult goose hissed at him.

A witness told officers he saw Sanders grab and kick the goose across a 30-yard parking lot. Police determined he chased the goslings across a grassy area, where he killed three, and then stomped two others to death on either side of the lot.

``These are the fluffy little yellow things that Boston police will stop traffic for,'' Brewer said. ``They ain't hurting nobody.''

The mother goose was taken to an animal shelter for treatment.

Sanders, who has no criminal record, remained in jail last night on $600
bail. He will be arraigned in court tomorrow.

``I wish he hadn't done that,'' said Sanders' father, Bill, last night. ``He's a nice guy and it doesn't seem like something he would do. It sounds bizarre.''

A Texas Instruments manager visited Sanders, who has an MBA from Columbia University, in jail last night and fired him, Brewer said.

DeToxRox · 05-10-2005, 02:56 PM

He shoulda' just went home and played Duckhunt.

Desnudo · 05-10-2005, 02:57 PM

What does any of that have to do with him going to Columbia?

rkmsuf · 05-10-2005, 02:57 PM

that is the definition of stress ladies and gentlemen.

Surtt · 05-10-2005, 02:58 PM

Lucky he didn't work for the post office.

judicial clerk · 05-10-2005, 03:19 PM

Often times, we as a society never know what pushes a person over the brink. When the person looks into the abyss, we often don't know what act hurls them down into the inky blackness that makes up the most depraved corners of our being.

But in this case, I think we can identify the straw that "broke the camel's back":

Quote:

he became angry after falling on a path outdoors after the adult goose hissed at him

Its a nice touch that his boss went out of his way to visit him in jail to shit-can him.

Ksyrup · 05-10-2005, 03:20 PM

Maybe he was taking a walk after watching Falling Down, then he fell down and just snapped.

Maple Leafs · 05-10-2005, 03:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Some reporter

A mother goose leading five of her fluffy little yellow goslings around an Attleboro business property will wake up on Mother's Day childless

That... is... freaking... brilliant.

Ksyrup · 05-10-2005, 03:30 PM

Actually, given the way that's written, "five of her... goslings," the suggestion is that there are more than 5, so she should still have gotten breakfast in nest and flowers from the remaining goslings.

QuikSand · 05-10-2005, 03:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by schmuck's dad

``I wish he hadn't done that,'' said Sanders' father, Bill, last night. ``He's a nice guy..."

Way to go, paw.

Desnudo · 05-10-2005, 03:58 PM

Clearly he didn't get the memo on the TPS reports.

VPI97 · 05-10-2005, 04:11 PM

Sorry.

Desnudo · 05-10-2005, 04:13 PM

Only the strong survive.

judicial clerk · 05-10-2005, 04:42 PM

They should have stayed with the Swingline's.

Shepp · 05-11-2005, 11:24 AM

In Georgia animal cruelty is a felony. This dude better hope that the laws aren't the same there.

I would love to have just gotten to prison have have to tell my 6'5", 250 pound cellmate, named "Blue" that I'm there for the murdering goslings.

Surtt · 05-11-2005, 12:10 PM

He sould have waited a few months, then he could have used a 12 gage on them.

Arles · 05-11-2005, 12:15 PM

two words come to mind: "anti" and "social".

05-10-2005, 02:57 PM	#4
rkmsuf Head Coach Join Date: Dec 2001	that is the definition of stress ladies and gentlemen. __________________ "Don't you have homes?" -- Judge Smales

05-10-2005, 03:20 PM	#7
Ksyrup This guy has posted so much, his fingers are about to fall off. Join Date: Nov 2000 Location: In Absentia	Maybe he was taking a walk after watching Falling Down, then he fell down and just snapped. __________________ M's pitcher Miguel Batista: "Now, I feel like I've had everything. I've talked pitching with Sandy Koufax, had Kenny G play for me. Maybe if I could have an interview with God, then I'd be served. I'd be complete."

05-10-2005, 03:30 PM	#9
Ksyrup This guy has posted so much, his fingers are about to fall off. Join Date: Nov 2000 Location: In Absentia	Actually, given the way that's written, "five of her... goslings," the suggestion is that there are more than 5, so she should still have gotten breakfast in nest and flowers from the remaining goslings. __________________ M's pitcher Miguel Batista: "Now, I feel like I've had everything. I've talked pitching with Sandy Koufax, had Kenny G play for me. Maybe if I could have an interview with God, then I'd be served. I'd be complete."

05-10-2005, 04:11 PM	#12
VPI97 Hokie, Hokie, Hokie, Hi Join Date: Mar 2001 Location: Kennesaw, GA	Sorry. __________________ CT & Jivin - "Surprisingly Entertaining"

05-11-2005, 12:15 PM	#17
Arles Grey Dog Software Join Date: Nov 2000 Location: Phoenix, AZ by way of Belleville, IL	two words come to mind: "anti" and "social". __________________ Developer of Bowl Bound College Football http://www.greydogsoftware.com

05-10-2005, 02:56 PM	#2
DeToxRox Head Coach Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Michigan	He shoulda' just went home and played Duckhunt.

05-10-2005, 02:57 PM	#3
Desnudo Coordinator Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Here and There	What does any of that have to do with him going to Columbia?

05-10-2005, 02:58 PM	#5
Surtt College Benchwarmer Join Date: Nov 2003	Lucky he didn't work for the post office.

05-10-2005, 03:58 PM	#11
Desnudo Coordinator Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Here and There	Clearly he didn't get the memo on the TPS reports.

05-10-2005, 04:13 PM	#13
Desnudo Coordinator Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Here and There	Only the strong survive.

05-10-2005, 04:42 PM	#14
judicial clerk College Benchwarmer Join Date: Feb 2001 Location: Portland, OR	They should have stayed with the Swingline's.

05-11-2005, 11:24 AM	#15
Shepp High School Varsity Join Date: Oct 2000 Location: Atlanta, GA	In Georgia animal cruelty is a felony. This dude better hope that the laws aren't the same there. I would love to have just gotten to prison have have to tell my 6'5", 250 pound cellmate, named "Blue" that I'm there for the murdering goslings.

05-11-2005, 12:10 PM	#16
Surtt College Benchwarmer Join Date: Nov 2003	He sould have waited a few months, then he could have used a 12 gage on them.

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