Star Wars-Related Hilarity

Ksyrup · 05-19-2005, 07:06 AM

Life Sized Satanic Doll Serves As Masturbation Toy For America's Youth
Action Alert!

When Mrs. Tawny Huxton opened her son Timmy's bedroom door, she was shocked to see his innocent white hiney nestled into the new 7ft Jar Jar Binks doll she had bought him for his birthday. Lately, many Americans have suffered similar incidents. Young children are being seduced by the character of George Lucas' latest Star Wars Movie. Jar Jar's soothing voice, and timid childlike manners, seem to lure young teens into a world of lustful abandon. Unsuspecting parents purchase the popular life-size doll, only to find out later that it is being used by the child as a masturbation toy.

Under the guise of family entertainment, Lucas' "Star Wars" prequel has contaminated America's youth with subliminal sexual innuendo. Pastor Ebeneezer Smith of the Landover Baptist Church commented, "The demonic characteristics of the Jar Jar binks creature become obvious when one pays close attention. His forked tongue, his lapping, his malignant features, are all too noticeable to the Christ centered man." Experts who have examined the life-sized doll that has become the favorite 'toy' of 12-14 year old children, say that the evidence is overwhelming. The doll was created for the sole purpose of masturbation. It has four openings, and three extrusions, making it compatible for male or female pleasure.

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Members of The Landover Baptist Church are outraged at the Satanic subtlety in which marketing geniuses have moved this horrific abomination into the homes of America's youth. "One Mother was concerned that her young daughter was not interested in boys," a Pastor noted, "she asked her little girl, 'why don't you talk about the cute boys at school?' Her daughter replied, 'oh momma, nobody I know is cuter than Jar Jar Binks.' The mother was horrified."

Landover Baptist Church finds that the only way to resolve this problem is to ban not only life sized Jar Jar Binks dolls from American homes, but to ban any life sized doll. "Any child that has seen this movie is finding that their natural attraction to members of the opposite sex is being replaced with an attraction to a 7ft devil with elephant feet, a 25 inch tongue, polka dot skin, a fish snout, and two phallic eyes that jut out like hard erotic pokers. For the Love of God! If you've got this devil in your house, remove it as soon as possible!

http://www.landoverbaptist.org/news0899/jar.html

Bee · 05-19-2005, 07:22 AM

Any links on where I can buy one?
thanks.

Ksyrup · 05-19-2005, 07:25 AM

I'm sure George Lucas would be more than happy to direct you to a site.

Northwood_DK · 05-19-2005, 07:32 AM

Take a look at the other links. They are just hilarious.

Billy Crystal - Talking Testicle In New Film
Tiny Penis Found on Grinch Doll!
Lucas Comissions Candy Sex Tounges!
Satan's New Film: Toy Story 2
Potter Books Drive Children Insane!
Pokemon: Pocket Demons
N'SYNC Killed My Baby!
Is Dancing A Sin? Not If It's For Jesus!
Ricky Martin's Music Gets Girls Pregnant

Raven Hawk · 05-19-2005, 08:31 AM

This stuff is all pure gold. LMAO! You gotta read the Grinch article. There are great quotes like:

"Please help Landover stop toy stores from carrying this disgusting piece of merchandise. Send us a check or money order of $100 or more by clicking here. Part of the proceeds will go to support the Republican party."

"We have some sick minds in Hollywood, folks. I think this is a Disney movie and probably a Disney product, so you can bet some homosexual or Democrat in Florida was behind it."

"As a result of the incident, the Gillman family was forced to pay a $5,000 fine/tithe to the church since they had in their possession a product from a restricted movie."

"My stomach reacted instantly, and I threw up my entire dinner," he said. "Everyone was covered in vomit."

05-19-2005, 07:25 AM	#3
Ksyrup This guy has posted so much, his fingers are about to fall off. Join Date: Nov 2000 Location: In Absentia	I'm sure George Lucas would be more than happy to direct you to a site. __________________ M's pitcher Miguel Batista: "Now, I feel like I've had everything. I've talked pitching with Sandy Koufax, had Kenny G play for me. Maybe if I could have an interview with God, then I'd be served. I'd be complete."

05-19-2005, 08:31 AM	#5
Raven Hawk College Starter Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: Thunderdome	This stuff is all pure gold. LMAO! You gotta read the Grinch article. There are great quotes like: "Please help Landover stop toy stores from carrying this disgusting piece of merchandise. Send us a check or money order of $100 or more by clicking here. Part of the proceeds will go to support the Republican party." "We have some sick minds in Hollywood, folks. I think this is a Disney movie and probably a Disney product, so you can bet some homosexual or Democrat in Florida was behind it." "As a result of the incident, the Gillman family was forced to pay a $5,000 fine/tithe to the church since they had in their possession a product from a restricted movie." "My stomach reacted instantly, and I threw up my entire dinner," he said. "Everyone was covered in vomit." __________________ Owner of The Shreveport Pride in The CFL

05-19-2005, 07:22 AM	#2
Bee Pro Starter Join Date: Oct 2000 Location: Fairfax, VA	Any links on where I can buy one? thanks.

05-19-2005, 07:32 AM	#4
Northwood_DK College Benchwarmer Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: Back in Norway	Take a look at the other links. They are just hilarious. Billy Crystal - Talking Testicle In New Film Tiny Penis Found on Grinch Doll! Lucas Comissions Candy Sex Tounges! Satan's New Film: Toy Story 2 Potter Books Drive Children Insane! Pokemon: Pocket Demons N'SYNC Killed My Baby! Is Dancing A Sin? Not If It's For Jesus! Ricky Martin's Music Gets Girls Pregnant

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