My Space blog I posted..it's funny

[Karlifornia]

I'm still drunk in the morning


"I can't be what's wrong with you..you can't hold me liable no more..it's my fault I stayed so long with you"

-Dios



Here's what I love about parties.....I always feel like I talk too much, and I'm a loudmouth jackass before I even walk in the room. And then I show up with a gift for the sweet girl whose birthday it is, and I want to get to know her better, and there's no giving presents, because that just ain't the kinda party it is. And then I feel like the weird guy. You know, the weird guy who shows up with a gift. Who does this dude think he is? It's just weird. And then I talk to people and it's fun to just shoot the shit. But I think about the girl I like and then I realize she's tangled up in some other guy. Then I start to think that maybe I should just stand outside and yell at passing cars, like "wherever you're going, just turn around. Nobody cares about you at 1 in the morning. It's like TV...if they cared, you'd get a primetime slot. If you're trying to get to know them at 1 am it's like they can't fall asleep, but they can't find the remote. You've got them cornered, man. Just turn around, and save your dignity." What's even worse is when you start hoping you can be someone's last resort, like "Hey, this was a disaster, but I guess I can talk to Karl, he's better than nothing". But then that don't happen and you feel like a balloon that some idiot kid just let go without any rhyme or reason. I feel like I'm the guy who tied the ballloon for the kid. Listen, Jack, I make 7$ an hour (an I realize I put the dollar sign after the number...that's really how it' supposed to be...nobody says "I have dollars seven" you say "I have seven dollars"..so put it after the number....), and the hardest part of my day is tying these stupid balloons for people like you, because I can't tie knots well, and when I finally do it good, you just let fly off into the atmosphere. I meant this as a metaphor, but that literal situation makes me mad, too!! Why can't a clown get a break?

But then I wake up, still drunk, like I am today. I realize that I don't have a girlfriend, and the girl I like couldn't probably care less about me either way. Then I drive home by myself, and I'm shaking from the alcohol, and I see a girl next to me at stoplight in an early 90's tercel. I look at her and she briefly makes eye contact with me. And then I yell to her over my obnoxiously loud music "Hey, where are you going? Do you want to get a coffee?" And then I realize my window is up, and the light turns green, and she speeds off. And I have to go about my day....but I don't mind, because I'm still drunk, and I can laugh about myself....

[NoMyths]

Nothing like a fun old-fashioned drunk driving story.

[stevew]

Average cost of a first time DUI is like 2-3 thousand $$$$$. Figure thats like 10-15 full weeks of working tying balloons at 7$ to pay off. Something to think about, anyways.

[rkmsuf]

You should have worn a striped shirt. Then people would have looked at you.

[MizzouRah]

Nicely done, the still being drunk part ties it all together.

[Karlifornia]

Ok, this wasn't the still drunk like "I'm awake, and I'm completely fucking hammered"...

This is the "I'm awake, and I giggle at every dumb thing that happens, but even if I got pulled over, I would pass the field and breathalyzer tests with flying motherfucking colors"

I should have made this more explicit.

[KevinNU7]

you are an idiot

[KevinNU7]

dola,

and not funny

[Karlifornia]

Originally Posted by KevinNU7

dola,

and not funny

..this hurts...because you are the girl that I like in the story.

[albionmoonlight]

Originally Posted by RadioFriendlyUnitShifter

Ok, this wasn't the still drunk like "I'm awake, and I'm completely fucking hammered"...

This is the "I'm awake, and I giggle at every dumb thing that happens, but even if I got pulled over, I would pass the field and breathalyzer tests with flying motherfucking colors"

I should have made this more explicit.

I'm no doctor, but if you are drunk enough that your higher functions are impaired (sense of humor off) and you are "shaking from the alcohol," maybe you should consider not driving even if you think that you could pass the breathalyzer tests.

But I don't really know, so ignore me if that makes no sense.

[Ksyrup]

Somehow I don't think this thread is headed where RFUS thought it was going to go.

[Karlifornia]

Originally Posted by albionmoonlight

I'm no doctor, but if you are drunk enough that your higher functions are impaired (sense of humor off) and you are "shaking from the alcohol," maybe you should consider not driving even if you think that you could pass the breathalyzer tests.

But I don't really know, so ignore me if that makes no sense.

The point you make is valid, and heeded.