Looking for Advice (Particularly from the FOFC Ladies)

[Eaglesfan27]

Today, I got word that we were be getting out of work early today, and I got an email from an old friend who I also dated for a year. I thought these were both happy things. Let me give you a bit of background:

We were friends all throughout grade school, and I dated her my freshman and part of my sophomore years of H.S. We had been friends for about 10-12 years before we lost touch about 7-8 years ago. She sent me an emai this morning asking if I was ok after Katrina, was my place damaged, how was my job, etc. etc. I hadn't talked to her in over 8 years or so. I sent her a long reply telling her about the evacuation, job status, etc.

She then sent me an email just before I let work in which she told me she was "sooooooo glad" I was ok and that she would really like to talk to me. She gave me her cell phone, home phone, and work phone. One of my co-workers, a female who has her own boundary issues read the email over my shoulder. She then blurts out, much to my surprise as I didn't realize that she was reading my email, that "there is no way you should call her. She wants to get back together."

I didn't take the email that way at all. I just thought it was an old friend wanting to catch up. We debated about it for a few minutes, and I told her I would talk to Mrs. Eaglesfan before I called this old friend anyway, and I wasn't trying to be sneaky. She said there is no way I should tell my wife, and I should let the matter drop and ignore that last email.

That seems rather rude to me. So thoughts on whether I should give this old friend a call?

[Fonzie]

I don't think it would hurt to give the old friend a call, as long as Mrs. Eaglesfan knows about it. I wouldn't be surprised if your coworker is correct about the old friend wanting to get back together, though I wouldn't necessarily expect it.

You didn't ask, but I'll throw this out there too: I think you need to give your nosy coworker a swift kick to the teeth for surreptitiously reading your email.

[lurker]

What kind of a crazy co-worker reads e-mails over your shoulder? Or at least, doesn't hide that fact?

No way should you blow this out of proportion. You were friends with her for much longer than you dated her; she's glad you're alive and wants to catch up. Treat it the way you would if it was a guy sending you the e-mail. In that case you probably would just tell your wife.

In fact, I think a good way to make sure you're staying within the bounds of the relationship is to treat your opposite-gender friends as though they're not the opposite gender. Just treat them like normal people and have normal explanations for why they're doing things like sending you e-mails.

[Fonzie]

Originally Posted by lurker

In fact, I think a good way to make sure you're staying within the bounds of the relationship is to treat your opposite-gender friends as though they're not the opposite gender. Just treat them like normal people and have normal explanations for why they're doing things like sending you e-mails.

I typically expect my male friends to rip off their shirts the moment I enter the room. Just FYI.

[Eaglesfan27]

Thank you. That is what I thought. Lurker, I think that is a good rule, and is the rule I usually follow. I don't expect that this woman wants to get back together, and I've known her long enough that I believe she would respect my marriage and not voice that even if she did. I see this is as catching up with an old friend, but my co-worker made me doubt myself for a minute.

Fonzie, I definitely agree that this co-worker needs a swift kick to the teeth. In fact, she does MANY MANY things that infuriate me. She is a social worker and one would think that she would know better about many things. She is the only person that makes this clinic I'm working at an unpleasant place to work at times..

[Fonzie]

Originally Posted by Eaglesfan27

Fonzie, I definitely agree that this co-worker needs a swift kick to the teeth. In fact, she does MANY MANY things that infuriate me. She is a social worker and one would think that she would know better about many things. She is the only person that makes this clinic I'm working at an unpleasant place to work at times..

Sounds like it's time to bust out with some old-style Skinnerian behaviorism. Annoying Coworker, please meet Operant Conditioning. Operant Conditioning, allow me to introduce annoying coworker. Oh, and Operant Conditioning, while you're greeting Annoying Coworker could you please kick her ass for me? Thanks.

[Eaglesfan27]

Originally Posted by Fonzie

Sounds like it's time to bust out with some old-style Skinnerian behaviorism. Annoying Coworker, please meet Operant Conditioning. Operant Conditioning, allow me to introduce annoying coworker. Oh, and Operant Conditioning, while you're greeting Annoying Coworker could you please kick her ass for me? Thanks.

[oliegirl]

I agree with Lurker, treat her as you would any old friend, but make sure your wife knows about it ahead of time. And if she has any issues with it, you need to take those into consideration before doing anything regarding contact with the old friend/flame.

From what I know of you from the board, it sounds like you a considerate husband and wouldn't do anything that would hurt your wife...I think your co-worker was WAY out of line and I would have said something to her - something sarcastic but not mean, but that would let her know that I didn't appreciate her snooping over my shoulder.

[Farrah Whitworth-Rahn]

I know I'm late adding my $.02 to this discussion (was busying cooking for 25 members of the RahnPod yesterday).

I pretty much agree with everything else that was said here - but I'd go one step further. Invite Mrs. Eaglesfan along, and let your old friend know you're doing so. Tell your old friend to bring her husband.

If this old friend is really interested to hear how you're doing, she's going to want to meet your lovely bride. If she has a problem with it, then you know her motives aren't what she says they are.

[Noop]

Originally Posted by Fonzie

I don't think it would hurt to give the old friend a call, as long as Mrs. Eaglesfan knows about it. I wouldn't be surprised if your coworker is correct about the old friend wanting to get back together, though I wouldn't necessarily expect it.

You didn't ask, but I'll throw this out there too: I think you need to give your nosy coworker a swift kick to the teeth for surreptitiously reading your email.

Your a girl? Geez after reading this thread I thought you were gay.

[Fonzie]

Originally Posted by Noop

Your a girl? Geez after reading this thread I thought you were gay.

It's "you're a girl," not "your a girl."

[GrantDawg]

Originally Posted by Fonzie

Sounds like it's time to bust out with some old-style Skinnerian behaviorism. Annoying Coworker, please meet Operant Conditioning. Operant Conditioning, allow me to introduce annoying coworker. Oh, and Operant Conditioning, while you're greeting Annoying Coworker could you please kick her ass for me? Thanks.

Great stuff.

[Eaglesfan27]

Originally Posted by Farrah Whitworth-Rahn

I know I'm late adding my $.02 to this discussion (was busying cooking for 25 members of the RahnPod yesterday).

I pretty much agree with everything else that was said here - but I'd go one step further. Invite Mrs. Eaglesfan along, and let your old friend know you're doing so. Tell your old friend to bring her husband.

If this old friend is really interested to hear how you're doing, she's going to want to meet your lovely bride. If she has a problem with it, then you know her motives aren't what she says they are.

She's in NJ. I'm still in Louisiana. All I would be doing is calling her on the phone. I doubt that I will be visiting NJ for the next year or so.