Bow-Lingual Dog Speak Translator

oliegirl · 01-30-2006, 12:50 PM

OK, now I know I will get made fun of in this post...but our dog, Leo, talks alot. He makes these weird noses - not a bark, not a howl, more like a moan or whine...and I have seen this thing and was wondering if anyone on the board had tried it on their dog or knew anyone who had. I googled it and the first 2 sites that came up are out of stock and have a waiting list for it, so it's a fairly popular item and has been featured on CNN.

Any thoughts/information would be appreciated and help in deciding if it's worth spending $40 on.

Bowlingual Dog Translator

wade moore · 01-30-2006, 12:55 PM

Must... be... nice....

Consumer Reports did a short write-up about this around a year ago.... It's a big scam.

oliegirl · 01-30-2006, 12:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wade moore

Must... be... nice....

Consumer Reports did a short write-up about this around a year ago.... It's a big scam.

What's nice?

I'll try and find the article, thanks

wade moore · 01-30-2006, 01:03 PM

Sorry, was telling myself to be nice

... (personally, I'm not sure how anyone could think this would actually work)...

It wasn't an actual review, but an article in the front section where they do quick write-ups on new products...

rkmsuf · 01-30-2006, 01:04 PM

My thoughts are that if these are selling this truely is the land of opportunity.

Anthony · 01-30-2006, 01:05 PM

vtbub also wants to know where he can purchase some house-trained pet rocks.

oliegirl · 01-30-2006, 01:06 PM

TIME listed it as one of the best inventions of 2002. I am skeptical, but figure if we buy it from a store we can bring it back if it doesn't work. If it does work, then it's cool...

wade moore · 01-30-2006, 01:08 PM

i wonder if TIME actually ever used it...

rkmsuf · 01-30-2006, 01:12 PM

How could it possibly work?

It's a great invention because people are buying them. It's like powdered water.

Marc Vaughan · 01-30-2006, 02:23 PM

Bound to be a scam ....

(makes note to self - remember to market an identically crappy product which 'translate' baby screams into one of three things: (1) My nappy is dirty, (2) I'm hungry, (3) Give me a hug .... perfect market, nervous parents and with only three things they want theres a decent chance of getting lucky and scoring high in reviews

).

Eaglesfan27 · 01-30-2006, 02:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Marc Vaughan

Bound to be a scam ....

(makes note to self - remember to market an identically crappy product which 'translate' baby screams into one of three things: (1) My nappy is dirty, (2) I'm hungry, (3) Give me a hug .... perfect market, nervous parents and with only three things they want theres a decent chance of getting lucky and scoring high in reviews

).

Thanks for the idea, I just patented it!

Oliegirl, I think this is a huge scam.

Eaglesfan27 · 01-30-2006, 02:57 PM

Dola -

I just asked Mrs. Eaglesfan if she would buy it for 40 dollars, and she said if there was a cat version, she would

Desmond · 01-30-2006, 03:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rkmsuf

It's a great invention because people are buying them. It's like powdered water.

I'm intrigued, tell me more.

AlexB · 01-30-2006, 03:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Marc Vaughan

Bound to be a scam ....

(makes note to self - remember to market an identically crappy product which 'translate' baby screams into one of three things: (1) My nappy is dirty, (2) I'm hungry, (3) Give me a hug .... perfect market, nervous parents and with only three things they want theres a decent chance of getting lucky and scoring high in reviews

).

And (4) 'You will now be sued by Matt Groenig'

Episode of The Simpsons, with Herb (?), Homer's brother, rebounding after Homer's car design fiasco. I immediately thought of this as soon as I read the first post of the thread....

oliegirl · 01-30-2006, 03:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Eaglesfan27

Dola -

I just asked Mrs. Eaglesfan if she would buy it for 40 dollars, and she said if there was a cat version, she would

Maybe it's a girl thing

We'll probably end up buying it, just to see if it works.

oliegirl · 01-30-2006, 03:44 PM

Dola

EaglesFan, you can get your wife this for the cats:

Cat Mood Detector

QuikSand · 01-30-2006, 03:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by oliegirl

We'll probably end up buying it, just to see if it works.

The part I don't get here is -- how would you know?

oliegirl · 01-30-2006, 03:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by QuikSand

The part I don't get here is -- how would you know?

Well, if he "talked" and it said he was saying "I want some water" and we look and his water bowl is empty, then we'd know it worked. Or if it said "scratch my belly" and we did and he stopped talking, then we'd know

OK - I admit it's a stupid thing and chances are it won't work, but I think it's funny and would be worth checking out even if it's just for a few laughs...I am a girl, we are good at finding silly things to spend money on

QuikSand · 01-30-2006, 03:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by oliegirl

I am a girl, we are good at finding silly things to spend money on

We're getting somewhere now. Thanks, my questions have been answered.

Ksyrup · 01-30-2006, 03:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by oliegirl

Well, if he "talked" and it said he was saying "I want some water" and we look and his water bowl is empty, then we'd know it worked. Or if it said "scratch my belly" and we did and he stopped talking, then we'd know

I think I now have a perfect understanding for why horoscopes, mind readers, and people who talk to the dead are so successful.

Eaglesfan27 · 01-30-2006, 03:57 PM

That's the thing I don't get. Mrs. Eaglesfan said she would buy it, "but I wouldn't think it was really working." Why buy it then?

Fortunately, she doesn't want the cat mood detector, because "our cats purr loud enough that we hear them anyway."

That's true. Our cats purr louder than any other cat I've ever had or been around.

Raven Hawk · 01-30-2006, 04:02 PM

I think this thing is kind of a self fulfilling prophecy thing. It is a device for the dog to train you.

If dog makes noise A and you refill his water bowl, eventually when he wants his water bowl to be refilled, he will make noise A.

If dog is truly thinking "I want to go outside" when it makes noise A. It will soon figure out that when he makes noise A, stupid human goes and refills the water bowl. He then tries something else and makes noise B. Noise B makes stupid human smack it on the nose, then eventually he'll stop making noise B. Over time, the dog will eventually realize that Noise C is what gets stupid human to open the door and will make Noise C anytime it wants to go outside.

oliegirl · 01-30-2006, 04:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by QuikSand

We're getting somewhere now. Thanks, my questions have been answered.

And just think, you now have a little girl who in 5 or 6 years will start finding all sorts of things to spend your money on, and soon you will have a house full of toys, dolls and games that either break the first time she plays with them, or don't work right, or just bore her after a couple of days. Then, another 5 or 6 years after that she starts getting into clothes, accessories, shoes, purses, etc...and don't even get me started on the cost of make up and skin care

tarcone · 01-30-2006, 04:02 PM

i have a bridge for sale.......anyone interested?

Desmond · 01-30-2006, 04:36 PM

Where the fuck is my powdered water?

Karlifornia · 01-30-2006, 04:58 PM

Here's an idea that will you save you $40:

Keep the dog's water dish full. Feed the dog twice a day. Take on walks at least 3 times a day. Spend the $40 on a bottle of champagne to celebrate what awesome pet owners you are.

Marc Vaughan · 01-30-2006, 05:00 PM

Quote:

I think this thing is kind of a self fulfilling prophecy thing. It is a device for the dog to train you.

I love that ....

Although personally I've always believed the saying:

Dogs have owners, cats have pets ...

rkmsuf · 01-31-2006, 08:27 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Desmond

Where the fuck is my powdered water?

I couldn't figure out what to add to it.

Yellow5 · 01-31-2006, 11:44 AM

Sadly my wife purchased one of these for our dogs...

I just found it at the bottom of our junk drawer.

Main menu has the following items:

Bark Translation - Exactly what it says. Strap the other part of the unit on to the dogs collar and then aggrivate it to make it bark.

Body Language - Select a body part like ears, then select form multiple choices like "Ears are straight up and forward" (which according to this means that my dog is telling me that he is in control and I must work harder to remain the boss. Um, okay.

Data Analysis - Shows bark history, home alone data, and an MBF score whatever that is.

Home Alone - Basically records the barks of your dog for something like 12 hours and gives you a history of what it was saying. *snicker*

10 Training Tips - Tips on crate training and toilet training, etc. but nothing on how to teach my dog to fetch me a beer. This alone makes the product worthless.

Medical Check - Basic medical troubleshooting like "Is your dog bleeding? call your emergency vet NOW!!!!" and a mini reference built into the handset.

Setup - Setup functions.

I am going to attempt bark mode now. Back with results in a few.

FrogMan · 01-31-2006, 11:48 AM

Maybe it's just me but I found it kinda funny that when visiting that page, the three google ads on the right were:
"The Bark Stops Here"
"Stop Your Dog's Barking"
"Stop Barking Fast"

hehehe

FM

Yellow5 · 01-31-2006, 12:18 PM

Test Subjects:

Left - Comet (aka Niko Fodder) Right - Niko (Red object on collar is bark capture device)

I had to select Australian Cattle Dog from the list of built-in dogs and then begin the barking...

Taunting the dog:
Big bark
Result - "Frustrated" and "I wish you made sense"

Walking away after taunting:
Whine bark.
Result - "Frustrated" "Can't you hear me?"

Tail Chasing:
Yip barks
Result - "Happy" and "Yippeee!"

Fighting over a toy with other dog:
Random barks
Result - "On Guard", "Make my day" and "I don't like you"

Waiting at back door to go outside:
Whine bark
Result - "Frustrated" and "I can't get my point across"

Looks like it just picks a random result based on bark strength. It also eats AAA batteries like a mofo.

rkmsuf · 01-31-2006, 12:20 PM

"fill my bowl, asshat"

oliegirl · 01-31-2006, 12:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Yellow5

Test Subjects:

Left - Comet (aka Niko Fodder) Right - Niko (Red object on collar is bark capture device)

I had to select Australian Cattle Dog from the list of built-in dogs and then begin the barking...

Taunting the dog:
Big bark
Result - "Frustrated" and "I wish you made sense"

Walking away after taunting:
Whine bark.
Result - "Frustrated" "Can't you hear me?"

Tail Chasing:
Yip barks
Result - "Happy" and "Yippeee!"

Fighting over a toy with other dog:
Random barks
Result - "On Guard", "Make my day" and "I don't like you"

Waiting at back door to go outside:
Whine bark
Result - "Frustrated" and "I can't get my point across"

Looks like it just picks a random result based on bark strength. It also eats AAA batteries like a mofo.

Sounds like it works to me!

wade moore · 01-31-2006, 12:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by oliegirl

Sounds like it works to me!

Ksyrup · 01-31-2006, 12:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Yellow5

I had to select Australian Cattle Dog from the list of built-in dogs

OK, now that shit is funny. I'm surprised the dog didn't address you as 'mate.' I wonder if a Chinese Crested says, "I don't rike you."

Marc Vaughan · 01-31-2006, 12:53 PM

Quote:

OK, now that shit is funny. I'm surprised the dog didn't address you as 'mate.' I wonder if a Chinese Crested says, "I don't rike you."

Thats a good idea for my baby-translator ... you'll have to enter your kids name and I'll make the baby speech be in vogue with what I'd expect the person with the name to speak like ...

eg. - anyone named 'Charles' will by default be posh and english

QuikSand · 01-31-2006, 02:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by oliegirl

And just think, you now have a little girl who in 5 or 6 years will start finding all sorts of things to spend your money on, and soon you will have a house full of toys, dolls and games that either break the first time she plays with them, or don't work right, or just bore her after a couple of days. Then, another 5 or 6 years after that she starts getting into clothes, accessories, shoes, purses, etc...and don't even get me started on the cost of make up and skin care

Oh, right. Like I have to wait for this to start? Hah!

sterlingice · 01-31-2006, 02:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jari Rantanen's Shorts

And (4) 'You will now be sued by Matt Groenig'

Episode of The Simpsons, with Herb (?), Homer's brother, rebounding after Homer's car design fiasco. I immediately thought of this as soon as I read the first post of the thread....

I'm guessing he didn't take out a patent on a fake invention on the show, tho.

SI

TroyF · 01-31-2006, 04:41 PM

I love my two labs to death. Best dogs I've ever owned. I'm not especially interested in what they are saying to me though. Their water dish is constantly full. They get fed twice a day. I spend more money on dog toys and treats for them than I would care to admit. I take them to the vet and update their shots. I play with them and give them attention constantly.

If they aren't happy, I'm better off not knowing. I'd hate to have to ground the ungrateful bastards or be forced to show them where they are in the food chain. They'd have to find a way to make the device translate "no Troy, I do not wish to visit South Korea" with incredible speed if they complained too much.

oliegirl · 01-31-2006, 05:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TroyF

I love my two labs to death. Best dogs I've ever owned. I'm not especially interested in what they are saying to me though. Their water dish is constantly full. They get fed twice a day. I spend more money on dog toys and treats for them than I would care to admit. I take them to the vet and update their shots. I play with them and give them attention constantly.

If they aren't happy, I'm better off not knowing. I'd hate to have to ground the ungrateful bastards or be forced to show them where they are in the food chain. They'd have to find a way to make the device translate "no Troy, I do not wish to visit South Korea" with incredible speed if they complained too much.

Oh Leo is spoiled rotten and has more than enough food and water and toys at all times. But he talks. He'll look at me and start making these weird noises, I try to take him out, but that isn't what he wants. Most of the time he wants attention/to be played with, but I just thought it would be cool to "hear" what he was asking for

Lorena · 01-31-2006, 06:08 PM

Is there a translation for "I'm in heat"?

TroyF · 01-31-2006, 06:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by oliegirl

Oh Leo is spoiled rotten and has more than enough food and water and toys at all times. But he talks. He'll look at me and start making these weird noises, I try to take him out, but that isn't what he wants. Most of the time he wants attention/to be played with, but I just thought it would be cool to "hear" what he was asking for

He may talk more after you get it. The translator probably won't be honest though. It will say something like "happy" "yippee" "food" when it's really the dog saying "get this stupid thing off of me"

oliegirl · 01-31-2006, 06:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TroyF

He may talk more after you get it. The translator probably won't be honest though. It will say something like "happy" "yippee" "food" when it's really the dog saying "get this stupid thing off of me"

You may be right, but just like I told him on Halloween when I dressed him up like Elvis and made him sit with me while I handed out candy...opposable thumbs always win

TroyF · 01-31-2006, 06:52 PM

I'm not putting you down oliegirl. Hell, I've made some ridiculous purchases in my life. If you want it and you have the disposeable cash, go for it.

I'm not sure what taking it back to the store if it "doesn't work" will do though. I mean, if they said "Itworks perfectly" how the hell could you ever prove them wrong?

oliegirl · 01-31-2006, 06:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TroyF

I'm not putting you down oliegirl. Hell, I've made some ridiculous purchases in my life. If you want it and you have the disposeable cash, go for it.

I'm not sure what taking it back to the store if it "doesn't work" will do though. I mean, if they said "Itworks perfectly" how the hell could you ever prove them wrong?

I know you weren't

There are a couple of them for sale on ebay, I'll probably buy one there...I'm just too intrigued by it to not at least give it a try now...

01-30-2006, 01:04 PM	#5
rkmsuf Head Coach Join Date: Dec 2001	My thoughts are that if these are selling this truely is the land of opportunity. __________________ "Don't you have homes?" -- Judge Smales

01-30-2006, 01:12 PM	#9
rkmsuf Head Coach Join Date: Dec 2001	How could it possibly work? It's a great invention because people are buying them. It's like powdered water. __________________ "Don't you have homes?" -- Judge Smales

01-30-2006, 02:57 PM	#12
Eaglesfan27 Hall Of Famer Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: New Jersey	Dola - I just asked Mrs. Eaglesfan if she would buy it for 40 dollars, and she said if there was a cat version, she would __________________ Retired GM of the eNFL 2007 Super Bowl Champion Philadelphia Eagles (19-0 record.) GM of the WOOF 2006 Doggie Bowl Champion Atlantic City Gamblers. GM of the IHOF 2019 and 2022 IHOF Bowl Champion Asheville Axemen.

01-30-2006, 03:57 PM	#21
Eaglesfan27 Hall Of Famer Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: New Jersey	That's the thing I don't get. Mrs. Eaglesfan said she would buy it, "but I wouldn't think it was really working." Why buy it then? Fortunately, she doesn't want the cat mood detector, because "our cats purr loud enough that we hear them anyway." That's true. Our cats purr louder than any other cat I've ever had or been around. __________________ Retired GM of the eNFL 2007 Super Bowl Champion Philadelphia Eagles (19-0 record.) GM of the WOOF 2006 Doggie Bowl Champion Atlantic City Gamblers. GM of the IHOF 2019 and 2022 IHOF Bowl Champion Asheville Axemen.

01-30-2006, 04:02 PM	#22
Raven Hawk College Starter Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: Thunderdome	I think this thing is kind of a self fulfilling prophecy thing. It is a device for the dog to train you. If dog makes noise A and you refill his water bowl, eventually when he wants his water bowl to be refilled, he will make noise A. If dog is truly thinking "I want to go outside" when it makes noise A. It will soon figure out that when he makes noise A, stupid human goes and refills the water bowl. He then tries something else and makes noise B. Noise B makes stupid human smack it on the nose, then eventually he'll stop making noise B. Over time, the dog will eventually realize that Noise C is what gets stupid human to open the door and will make Noise C anytime it wants to go outside. __________________ Owner of The Shreveport Pride in The CFL

01-30-2006, 01:05 PM	#6
Anthony Banned Join Date: Oct 2000 Location: Astoria, NY, USA	vtbub also wants to know where he can purchase some house-trained pet rocks.

01-30-2006, 02:23 PM	#10
Marc Vaughan SI Games Join Date: Oct 2000 Location: Melbourne, FL	Bound to be a scam .... (makes note to self - remember to market an identically crappy product which 'translate' baby screams into one of three things: (1) My nappy is dirty, (2) I'm hungry, (3) Give me a hug .... perfect market, nervous parents and with only three things they want theres a decent chance of getting lucky and scoring high in reviews ).

01-30-2006, 04:02 PM	#24
tarcone Coordinator Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: Pacific	i have a bridge for sale.......anyone interested?

01-30-2006, 04:36 PM	#25
Desmond Banned Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: The Hatch	Where the fuck is my powdered water?

01-30-2006, 04:58 PM	#26
Karlifornia Grizzled Veteran Join Date: Oct 2000 Location: San Jose, CA	Here's an idea that will you save you $40: Keep the dog's water dish full. Feed the dog twice a day. Take on walks at least 3 times a day. Spend the $40 on a bottle of champagne to celebrate what awesome pet owners you are. __________________ Look into the mind of a crazy man (NSFW) http://www.whitepowerupdate.wordpress.com

01-31-2006, 11:44 AM	#29
Yellow5 High School Varsity Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Tacoma, Wa.	Sadly my wife purchased one of these for our dogs... I just found it at the bottom of our junk drawer. Main menu has the following items: Bark Translation - Exactly what it says. Strap the other part of the unit on to the dogs collar and then aggrivate it to make it bark. Body Language - Select a body part like ears, then select form multiple choices like "Ears are straight up and forward" (which according to this means that my dog is telling me that he is in control and I must work harder to remain the boss. Um, okay. Data Analysis - Shows bark history, home alone data, and an MBF score whatever that is. Home Alone - Basically records the barks of your dog for something like 12 hours and gives you a history of what it was saying. snicker 10 Training Tips - Tips on crate training and toilet training, etc. but nothing on how to teach my dog to fetch me a beer. This alone makes the product worthless. Medical Check - Basic medical troubleshooting like "Is your dog bleeding? call your emergency vet NOW!!!!" and a mini reference built into the handset. Setup - Setup functions. I am going to attempt bark mode now. Back with results in a few. __________________ Xbox Gamertag: m0nk3y b0t

01-31-2006, 11:48 AM	#30
FrogMan Hattrick Moderator Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: Pintendre, Qc, Canada	Maybe it's just me but I found it kinda funny that when visiting that page, the three google ads on the right were: "The Bark Stops Here" "Stop Your Dog's Barking" "Stop Barking Fast" hehehe FM __________________ A Black Belt is a White Belt who refused to give up... follow my story: The real life story of a running frog...

01-31-2006, 12:18 PM	#31
Yellow5 High School Varsity Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Tacoma, Wa.	Test Subjects: Left - Comet (aka Niko Fodder) Right - Niko (Red object on collar is bark capture device) I had to select Australian Cattle Dog from the list of built-in dogs and then begin the barking... Taunting the dog: Big bark Result - "Frustrated" and "I wish you made sense" Walking away after taunting: Whine bark. Result - "Frustrated" "Can't you hear me?" Tail Chasing: Yip barks Result - "Happy" and "Yippeee!" Fighting over a toy with other dog: Random barks Result - "On Guard", "Make my day" and "I don't like you" Waiting at back door to go outside: Whine bark Result - "Frustrated" and "I can't get my point across" Looks like it just picks a random result based on bark strength. It also eats AAA batteries like a mofo. __________________ Xbox Gamertag: m0nk3y b0t

01-31-2006, 12:20 PM	#32
rkmsuf Head Coach Join Date: Dec 2001	"fill my bowl, asshat" __________________ "Don't you have homes?" -- Judge Smales

01-31-2006, 04:41 PM	#39
TroyF Coordinator Join Date: Oct 2000	I love my two labs to death. Best dogs I've ever owned. I'm not especially interested in what they are saying to me though. Their water dish is constantly full. They get fed twice a day. I spend more money on dog toys and treats for them than I would care to admit. I take them to the vet and update their shots. I play with them and give them attention constantly. If they aren't happy, I'm better off not knowing. I'd hate to have to ground the ungrateful bastards or be forced to show them where they are in the food chain. They'd have to find a way to make the device translate "no Troy, I do not wish to visit South Korea" with incredible speed if they complained too much.

01-31-2006, 06:08 PM	#41
Lorena Unregistered Join Date: May 2004	Is there a translation for "I'm in heat"?

01-31-2006, 06:52 PM	#44
TroyF Coordinator Join Date: Oct 2000	I'm not putting you down oliegirl. Hell, I've made some ridiculous purchases in my life. If you want it and you have the disposeable cash, go for it. I'm not sure what taking it back to the store if it "doesn't work" will do though. I mean, if they said "Itworks perfectly" how the hell could you ever prove them wrong?

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