I lost my daughter one year ago today

Toddzilla · 04-06-2006, 06:56 PM

It has been one year to the day that my beautiful precious daughter Cassandra Anne passed away. She was only 19 months old and had gone in for surgery a week before to correct a hiatal hernia. She was G-Tube fed and never went more than a few hours without eating. The surgeons told us she could have no food after midnight and only clear liquids after 4AM. The surgery inexplicably was scheduled for 3PM and it was delayed even more due to an emergency the surgeon needed to attend to. After the surgery, Cassandra did not wake up. Her blood sugar had dropped so low it couldn't even be measured, and she suffered a brain injury from which she would not recover. She died 8 days later on April 6, 2005 surrounded by myself, my wife, and our Doula Kathy who helped bring Cassie and her older sister Lesley into the world.

Needless to say, this has been the most excruciating year of my life. Sadness, depression, anger, hoplessness, they have all been part of my daily routine. However, I have been supported by a wonderful family, a strong group of friends, and I'm hanging in there.

In Cassandra's memory, my wife and I spent today planting flowers and trees around our house in Cassie's memory.

I would ask that for those of you that have children (or nieces, nephews, grandkids, etc.) to please give them an extra hug and a kiss tonight.

My small website for Cassandra
My blog "About Cassandra Anne"

Flasch186 · 04-06-2006, 07:04 PM

I dont have children but I love my family and my heart goes out to you.

terpkristin · 04-06-2006, 07:04 PM

Wow, Todd.
I never knew about your daughter. I don't have kids yet, and I can't imagine losing one that young. I hope that you and your family are doing ok on this very difficult anniversary. You and yours will be in my thoughts. Hang in there.

VPI97 · 04-06-2006, 07:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Toddzilla

I would ask that for those of you that have children (or nieces, nephews, grandkids, etc.) to please give them an extra hug and a kiss tonight.

Done.

Stay strong.

ISiddiqui · 04-06-2006, 07:05 PM

Though I'm happy to hear that you have such a great support network which has helped you since your tragedy.

Maple Leafs · 04-06-2006, 07:05 PM

So sorry to hear about your loss. It's encouraging to hear that you're doing as well as could be expected.

The web site is very well done... the pictures are beautiful.

SunDevil · 04-06-2006, 07:07 PM

I'm truly sorry for your loss.

digamma · 04-06-2006, 07:08 PM

My very best to you and your family.

Groundhog · 04-06-2006, 07:10 PM

Very sorry to hear about your daughter.

I can't imagine how/if I'd cope if that happened to me when I have children...

Lorena · 04-06-2006, 07:10 PM

I'm in tears right now... I'm so, so sorry for your loss, I had no idea

. My heart goes out to you and yours.

I will honor her memory by giving my kids an extra big hug.

Franklinnoble · 04-06-2006, 07:12 PM

I have three children... two are just about that age right now... I cannot imagine losing any of them.

I'm furious on your behalf at what sounds like total incompetence on the part of the surgical team... I hope you own that hospital by now.

I will pray for you and your family, Todd... and I'll be sure to give the kids an extra hug and kiss.

Grid Iron · 04-06-2006, 07:14 PM

I am so sorry for your loss.

FrogMan · 04-06-2006, 07:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dodgerchick

I'm in tears right now... I'm so, so sorry for your loss, I had no idea

. My heart goes out to you and yours.

I will honor her memory by giving my kids an extra big hug.

ditto here. I broke down when I read your post maybe a minute after you posted, then went to see my oldest son to hug him. I'm back here and posting with tears in my eyes.

so sad...

You, your wife and family are all in my thoughts.

FM

cartman · 04-06-2006, 07:31 PM

I saw your posting over on TotalFark and didn't realize it was the same Toddzilla.

As others have stated, you are in our thoughts. It sounds like you have a great support structure to help you and your family.

DaddyTorgo · 04-06-2006, 07:34 PM

wow todd. I don't remember hearing about this when it happened so condolences now seem so...belated and insignificant. my thoughts are with you and your wife on what must have been an enormously difficult day...and moving forward of course over days that cannot be that much better. my niece is almost exactly that age and when I see her next I will be extra sure to treasure every moment. you have my enormous respect for soldiering through such a loss so admirably and I wish you better fortune in the future should you and your wife try again.

sachmo71 · 04-06-2006, 07:35 PM

Toddzilla,

I can't even imagine...but it's a credit to you that you are doing this well. You'll be in our thoughts.

Schmidty · 04-06-2006, 07:36 PM

I can't even talk and I can barely breathe.

I can't imagine not having my daughter. You must be a very strong person.

I'll be praying for you and your family everyday. You're on my list.

cougarfreak · 04-06-2006, 07:49 PM

I can't imagine what you are going through. Sorry to hear, and stay strong.

rexallllsc · 04-06-2006, 07:53 PM

That hurts man. My thoughts are with you.

George · 04-07-2006, 11:34 AM

I'm truly sorry for your loss.

saldana · 04-07-2006, 11:42 AM

i cant even imagine your pain and suffering. my daughter is 21 months, and my world would essentially end if anything happened to her, you have my thoughts and prayers.

MizzouRah · 04-07-2006, 11:53 AM

As a close friend to someone who is going though a newborn medical issue, my heart goes out to you Todd.

KevinNU7 · 04-07-2006, 11:54 AM

My son will be 3 months tomorrow and I can't even imagine what you must be going through. I'm sorry to hear about this. All the best to you and your wife

CamEdwards · 04-07-2006, 11:56 AM

I had no idea. I am so sorry, as many other have said. I can't imagine what the past year has been like.

If you ever need to talk, I'm just a few miles away.

cubboyroy1826 · 04-07-2006, 11:57 AM

Wow Todd sorry to hear about your daughter. Whenever something happens to your kids it always hurts 10 times more. I have 4 of my own and couldnt imagine going thru what you did. I wish the best for you and your family. My prayers go out to you guys.

Eaglesfan27 · 04-07-2006, 11:57 AM

That is so sad, and my heart goes out to you. You and your family will be in my prayers tonight.

KJDelaney · 04-07-2006, 12:14 PM

I was in the same boat as you a few years ago T-zilla.

PM me if you need anything.

SFL Cat · 04-07-2006, 12:14 PM

Very sad. Thoughts and prayers.

Samdari · 04-07-2006, 12:24 PM

This is the worst thing I have ever read. This hits very close to home, having one about that age.

gkb · 04-07-2006, 12:24 PM

We just had our first and I can't imagine the pain of losing our little guy at that age. I'm so sorry for your loss...your family will be in our thoughts and prayers tonight.

Quote:

I would ask that for those of you that have children (or nieces, nephews, grandkids, etc.) to please give them an extra hug and a kiss tonight.

Done.

WSUCougar · 04-07-2006, 12:31 PM

Heartfelt thoughts, Todd. Stay strong.

King of New York · 04-07-2006, 12:31 PM

Toddzilla,

Peace to you and your family.

GrantDawg · 04-07-2006, 12:36 PM

Thinking of you and hugging my kids.

Young Drachma · 04-07-2006, 12:38 PM

Sorry man. Stay strong.

My brother was 3 when he died in 1987. I was 7. He died on Mother's Day that year, while my parents were out for dinner. We went to bed, he said goodnight and went into shock. They never really could tell us what happened, just that by the time they got him to the hospital it was too late.

I don't know if my parents really ever were the same after that. But I think honouring your daughter's memory is the one thing that no one can take from you and your wife and that you can appreciate in a way that no one else can.

She was taken from you too soon.

Godzilla Blitz · 04-07-2006, 12:41 PM

Very sorry to hear of this. I cannot imagine greater suffering. My thoughts are with you.

Keep going.

BYU 14 · 04-07-2006, 12:55 PM

Let me also add my condolences Todd. For those of us who have never experienced a tragedy of such magnitude, we can never know how you truly feel, but we can offer you our prayers and support, and on behalf of my family you have ours.

May the precious memory of your daughter always bring you a smile for the time you were blessed to have with her.

Kodos · 04-07-2006, 01:23 PM

I think this is the saddest day ever at FOFC. I'm so sorry for you and your family's loss.

JeeberD · 04-07-2006, 01:35 PM

I can't imagine having a child and then losing it so soon. I'm sorry for your loss, Todd...

cuervo72 · 04-07-2006, 01:45 PM

Wow Todd, I can't even imagine. Hang in there, and I too will kiss my kids that extra time tonight.

Vince · 04-07-2006, 01:46 PM

Swaggs · 04-07-2006, 02:12 PM

I don't have children yet and losing one would be one of the worst things I can envision in life.

I admire your ability to keep living. Sometimes, "going on" with life is one of the toughest things to do. Keep strong.

Draft Dodger · 04-07-2006, 02:26 PM

wow, I don't think I'm going to click on any more threads today, because I'm 0-2 since the board came back.

My heart goes out to you and your family.

INDalltheway · 04-07-2006, 02:36 PM

Stay strong Todd.. I feel for your horrible loss.

Icy · 04-07-2006, 03:40 PM

I lost mine two days ago when she was only 7 days old, my little Celia. I fully underestand your pain, my heart is broken now as yours is. I'll probably message you in a couple of days or so as i can't right now, i can barely talk. Maybe to talk between we both could help us as sadly we have past the same experience.

AlexB · 04-07-2006, 03:51 PM

I don't know what to write to make any difference. I feel for you

A-Husker-4-Life · 04-07-2006, 03:57 PM

I never knew that about your daughter, you and your family will be in my heart and prayers...

Deattribution · 04-07-2006, 04:42 PM

Sorry to hear about your loss, very unfortunate, hope you and your family stay strong.

clintl · 04-07-2006, 05:18 PM

My thoughts are with you and your family.

Tim Tellean · 04-07-2006, 05:59 PM

Todd and Icy my thoughts and prayers go out to both of you. As the father of 2 boys I fully understand the parent/child bond and I cannot imagine losing one of my boys.

Honolulu_Blue · 04-07-2006, 06:18 PM

My thoughts are with you and yours. I couldn't imagine the pain you and Icy must be going through.

04-06-2006, 07:04 PM	#2
Flasch186 Coordinator Join Date: May 2002 Location: Jacksonville, FL	I dont have children but I love my family and my heart goes out to you. __________________ Jacksonville-florida-homes-for-sale Putting a New Spin on Real Estate! ----------------------------------------------------------- Commissioner of the USFL USFL

04-06-2006, 07:04 PM	#3
terpkristin Grizzled Veteran Join Date: May 2003 Location: Ashburn, VA	Wow, Todd. I never knew about your daughter. I don't have kids yet, and I can't imagine losing one that young. I hope that you and your family are doing ok on this very difficult anniversary. You and yours will be in my thoughts. Hang in there. __________________ GO TERPS! https://www.flickr.com/photos/terpkristin https://twitter.com/terpkristin

04-06-2006, 07:05 PM	#5
ISiddiqui Hall Of Famer Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Decatur, GA	Though I'm happy to hear that you have such a great support network which has helped you since your tragedy. __________________ "A prayer for the wild at heart, kept in cages" -Tennessee Williams

04-06-2006, 07:05 PM	#6
Maple Leafs Coordinator Join Date: Jan 2002	So sorry to hear about your loss. It's encouraging to hear that you're doing as well as could be expected. The web site is very well done... the pictures are beautiful. __________________ Down Goes Brown: Toronto Maple Leafs Humor and Analysis

04-06-2006, 07:10 PM	#9
Groundhog Coordinator Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: Sydney, Australia	Very sorry to hear about your daughter. I can't imagine how/if I'd cope if that happened to me when I have children... __________________ Politics, n. Strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. --Ambrose Bierce

04-06-2006, 07:07 PM	#7
SunDevil College Prospect Join Date: Nov 2000 Location: Tempe, AZ	I'm truly sorry for your loss.

04-06-2006, 07:08 PM	#8
digamma Torchbearer Join Date: Sep 2001 Location: On Lake Harriet	My very best to you and your family.

04-06-2006, 07:10 PM	#10
Lorena Unregistered Join Date: May 2004	I'm in tears right now... I'm so, so sorry for your loss, I had no idea . My heart goes out to you and yours. I will honor her memory by giving my kids an extra big hug.

04-06-2006, 07:12 PM	#11
Franklinnoble Banned Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: Placerville, CA	I have three children... two are just about that age right now... I cannot imagine losing any of them. I'm furious on your behalf at what sounds like total incompetence on the part of the surgical team... I hope you own that hospital by now. I will pray for you and your family, Todd... and I'll be sure to give the kids an extra hug and kiss.

04-06-2006, 07:14 PM	#12
Grid Iron Ice Cream Man Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: Bay Area	I am so sorry for your loss. __________________ Follow the story of the Oregon Ice of the Continental Football League.

04-06-2006, 07:31 PM	#14
cartman Death Herald Join Date: Nov 2000 Location: Le stelle la notte sono grandi e luminose nel cuore profondo del Texas	I saw your posting over on TotalFark and didn't realize it was the same Toddzilla. As others have stated, you are in our thoughts. It sounds like you have a great support structure to help you and your family. __________________ Thinkin' of a master plan 'Cuz ain't nuthin' but sweat inside my hand So I dig into my pocket, all my money is spent So I dig deeper but still comin' up with lint

04-06-2006, 07:34 PM	#15
DaddyTorgo Hall Of Famer Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: Massachusetts	wow todd. I don't remember hearing about this when it happened so condolences now seem so...belated and insignificant. my thoughts are with you and your wife on what must have been an enormously difficult day...and moving forward of course over days that cannot be that much better. my niece is almost exactly that age and when I see her next I will be extra sure to treasure every moment. you have my enormous respect for soldiering through such a loss so admirably and I wish you better fortune in the future should you and your wife try again.

04-06-2006, 07:35 PM	#16
sachmo71 The boy who cried Trout Join Date: Oct 2000 Location: TX	Toddzilla, I can't even imagine...but it's a credit to you that you are doing this well. You'll be in our thoughts.

04-06-2006, 07:36 PM	#17
Schmidty Coordinator Join Date: Apr 2001 Location: Early, TX	I can't even talk and I can barely breathe. I can't imagine not having my daughter. You must be a very strong person. I'll be praying for you and your family everyday. You're on my list. __________________ Just beat the devil out of it!!! - Bob Ross

04-06-2006, 07:49 PM	#18
cougarfreak College Starter Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Out of Grad School Hell :)	I can't imagine what you are going through. Sorry to hear, and stay strong.

04-06-2006, 07:53 PM	#19
rexallllsc Banned Join Date: May 2003	That hurts man. My thoughts are with you.

04-07-2006, 11:34 AM	#20
George H.S. Freshman Team Join Date: Aug 2005	I'm truly sorry for your loss.

04-07-2006, 11:42 AM	#21
saldana Pro Starter Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: Bethlehem, Pa	i cant even imagine your pain and suffering. my daughter is 21 months, and my world would essentially end if anything happened to her, you have my thoughts and prayers.

04-07-2006, 11:53 AM	#22
MizzouRah Hall Of Famer Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: Troy, Mo	As a close friend to someone who is going though a newborn medical issue, my heart goes out to you Todd.

04-07-2006, 11:54 AM	#23
KevinNU7 College Starter Join Date: May 2003 Location: Beantown	My son will be 3 months tomorrow and I can't even imagine what you must be going through. I'm sorry to hear about this. All the best to you and your wife __________________ Boston Bashers - III.14 - (8347)

04-07-2006, 11:56 AM	#24
CamEdwards Stadium Announcer Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: Burke, VA	I had no idea. I am so sorry, as many other have said. I can't imagine what the past year has been like. If you ever need to talk, I'm just a few miles away. __________________ I don't want the world. I just want your half.

04-07-2006, 11:57 AM	#25
cubboyroy1826 College Benchwarmer Join Date: Jun 2002	Wow Todd sorry to hear about your daughter. Whenever something happens to your kids it always hurts 10 times more. I have 4 of my own and couldnt imagine going thru what you did. I wish the best for you and your family. My prayers go out to you guys.

04-07-2006, 11:57 AM	#26
Eaglesfan27 Hall Of Famer Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: New Jersey	That is so sad, and my heart goes out to you. You and your family will be in my prayers tonight. __________________ Retired GM of the eNFL 2007 Super Bowl Champion Philadelphia Eagles (19-0 record.) GM of the WOOF 2006 Doggie Bowl Champion Atlantic City Gamblers. GM of the IHOF 2019 and 2022 IHOF Bowl Champion Asheville Axemen.

04-07-2006, 12:14 PM	#27
KJDelaney High School JV Join Date: Oct 2000 Location: Lewisville, TX	I was in the same boat as you a few years ago T-zilla. PM me if you need anything.

04-07-2006, 12:14 PM	#28
SFL Cat College Starter Join Date: Nov 2000 Location: South Florida	Very sad. Thoughts and prayers.

04-07-2006, 12:24 PM	#29
Samdari Roster Filler Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: Cicero	This is the worst thing I have ever read. This hits very close to home, having one about that age. __________________ http://www.nateandellie.net Now featuring twice the babies for the same low price!

04-07-2006, 12:31 PM	#31
WSUCougar Rider Of Rohan Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Port Angeles, WA or Helm's Deep	Heartfelt thoughts, Todd. Stay strong. __________________ It's not the years...it's the mileage.

04-07-2006, 12:31 PM	#32
King of New York High School Varsity Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: Edge of the Great Dismal Swamp	Toddzilla, Peace to you and your family. __________________ Input A No Input

04-07-2006, 12:36 PM	#33
GrantDawg World Champion Mis-speller Join Date: Nov 2000 Location: Covington, Ga.	Thinking of you and hugging my kids.

04-07-2006, 12:38 PM	#34
Young Drachma Dark Cloud Join Date: Apr 2001	Sorry man. Stay strong. My brother was 3 when he died in 1987. I was 7. He died on Mother's Day that year, while my parents were out for dinner. We went to bed, he said goodnight and went into shock. They never really could tell us what happened, just that by the time they got him to the hospital it was too late. I don't know if my parents really ever were the same after that. But I think honouring your daughter's memory is the one thing that no one can take from you and your wife and that you can appreciate in a way that no one else can. She was taken from you too soon. __________________ Current dynasty: Playtesting chaos (Viperball 26) \| OOTP Mod: Managerial Strategy Files \| GM Excel Competitive Balance Tax/Revenue Sharing Calc \| FBCB Mods on Github

04-07-2006, 12:41 PM	#35
Godzilla Blitz College Starter Join Date: Oct 2000	Very sorry to hear of this. I cannot imagine greater suffering. My thoughts are with you. Keep going.

04-07-2006, 12:55 PM	#36
BYU 14 Coordinator Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: The scorched Desert	Let me also add my condolences Todd. For those of us who have never experienced a tragedy of such magnitude, we can never know how you truly feel, but we can offer you our prayers and support, and on behalf of my family you have ours. May the precious memory of your daughter always bring you a smile for the time you were blessed to have with her.

04-07-2006, 01:23 PM	#37
Kodos Resident Alien Join Date: Jun 2001	I think this is the saddest day ever at FOFC. I'm so sorry for you and your family's loss.

04-07-2006, 01:35 PM	#38
JeeberD General Manager Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: The Town of Flower Mound	I can't imagine having a child and then losing it so soon. I'm sorry for your loss, Todd... __________________ UTEP Miners!!! I solemnly swear to never cheer for TO

04-07-2006, 01:45 PM	#39
cuervo72 Head Coach Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Maryland	Wow Todd, I can't even imagine. Hang in there, and I too will kiss my kids that extra time tonight. __________________ null