Today is your lucky day

[Draft Dodger]

Today is your lucky day. I normally try to help you guys out when I can. Some of you thought my advice was crazy, and I can understand why. It is because you don't understand what the attitude is like. Today I was bored so I picked a cute chick (30 years old) I found on the net and chatted with her. She lives right here in my area and is a date anytime I need one. I did this just for you guys, so that you could learn from it. You always hear me preaching about being cocky and funny, well this is how you do it. I really hope some of you can pick up some things from this.
The first part of the chat was lost when I closed the chat window by mistake. You can still get a lot from this though.


HER: lol
HER: stop it
HER: so when are you taking me out ?
horns: It would certainly help if I knew your name.
HER: Duh
HER: yours too
horns: Since I am in charge you go first.
HER: HerRealName
horns: Thanks, HerRealName. Not for the name, but for finally realizing I am in charge.
HER: lol
HER: thats fine with me
horns: What? Why the sudden submissive behavior? You were too easy to tame.
HER: lol
HER: tame....???
horns: Yeah, I was hoping you could challenge me more than that. So tell me more about yourself HerRealName.
HER: OPh geez
HER: like what??
HER: what do you want to know???
HER: better be good too
horns: OPh??? I am not a chat pro like you are. What the heck is that?
horns: What is your greatest fear? and why?
HER: lol
HER: it means Ohhh
HER: greatest fear....hmmm...
HER: loosing people close to me
HER: why... because it takes FOREVER to begin to trust someone
horns: So you are not talking about death, you are talking about love gone bad?
horns: GRANDMA was slow too, but she was old.
HER: lol
HER: No just my friends
horns: What? I don't share very well. Just wanted you to know that.
HER: huh?
HER: okay
HER: we'll come back to your issues later
horns: What? That went over my head. You and I are talking right now, aren't we?
HER: sure
HER: lo
HER: l
horns: So your greatest fear is love gone bad?
HER: something like that
HER: My best friend has been my best friend since kindergarden
horns: So what makes you the happiest? the saddest?
horns: Yeah, I know about lifelong friends. I have some of those too. When you grow up in a small town you get that sometimes.
HER: ya
HER: and the group I hung out with growing up
HER: are all very close
horns: What group was that? preps? stoners? kickers? jocks?
HER: Oh I don't know
HER: just hung out with fun people
HER: not stoners...
HER: not really jocks
HER: and not really preps
HER: most of my friends graduated before me though
HER: we didn't all go to the same school
horns: LOL I was/am younger than a lot of my friends too.
HER: ya
HER: well, that's a good thing
horns: Yeah, I guess. So what makes you the happiest? the saddest?
HER: Happy ....
HER: that one's easy
HER: pretty things
HER: saddest....umm
HER: worrying about too many things all at once
horns: What is it you worry so much about, other than when you are going to get a date with me?
HER: lol
HER: ha ha
HER: I don't worry about dating
HER: my biggest fear dating is that my date won't compliment my appearance that particular day
horns: I never give compliments, so you are out of luck there.
HER: not verbal compliments
horns: what kind then?
horns: I don't give kisses either.
HER: lol
HER: what good are you then?
horns: well........ I do other things VERY well. NO, so don't ask.
HER: ??
HER: huh?
HER: no so don't ask what?
HER: I dont' have sex
HER: how's that one for ya
horns: Good, NOW, we can maybe become friends. It is about time I found a woman who did not only treat me as her sex slave. Finally, a woman realizes I have a heart and feelings to go along with everything else.
HER: lol
horns: So it is time for you to give me your email address, because I don't have unlimited time to chat here like some people do.
HER: lol
HER: really
HER: I'm going home soon
HER: so
HER: I doubt it would be helpfull
horns: where is home? is there not electricity there?
HER: oh ha ha
HER: youre Oh so funny
horns: well, where is home?
HER: Pfulgerville
horns: the last time I was in Pflugerville (this morning) they had electricity and running wather there. They also had phone service too. So let's try the phone service. What is the seven magic digits?
horns: running water
HER: lol
HER: fine the magic digits come at a price
horns: What price? I may or not be willing to pay it.
HER: your name... it would be nice to know who the hell is calling
horns: Give me the number and then I will give you my name.
HER: nope
HER: doesn't work that way
HER: name
horns: What do you think I am going to do? The worst case scenario is I call and say I am "horns" and you would still know who I was. Give me the number so I can get out of here.
HER: no
HER: there are other people that answer my phone
HER: and I need a name
horns: fine then my name is Jake
HER: Jake
HER: now you're just making things up
horns: You are right. It is Kyle. I swear it is Kyle.
HER: uh huh
HER: 555-5555 {real number hidden of course}
horns: However, ti was funny telling you Jake. LOL
horns: Is that the phone number that you answer?
HER: actually I like Jake better
HER: lol
HER: yep
HER: but not for another hour or so
horns: Okay, so I need to know one more thing.
horns: I am not one for playing games with women. I don't need to. So tell me on a scale of 1-10 what are the chances you will blow me off when/if I call you?
HER: I gave you my #
HER: what more do you want
HER: I've chatted with you ALL fricking day
HER: so you tell me
HER: what do you think
horns: I don't know, but I don't tolerate flaky women. Don't get offended I just have a price on myself and my time and I just wanted to make sure you and I were on the same page, that's all.
HER: uh huh
HER: we'll see
HER: I'm going home now
HER: so I'll hear from you in a hour or so?
horns: We'll see what?
horns: Nope, I am busy tonight and for the rest of this week. Maybe we can talk on Sunday.
HER: I won't be here then
HER: but that's alright
HER: you take care
horns: bye

[WSUCougar]

We'll go dancin' in the dark.
Walking thru the park.
And reminiscinnnnnnnnnnnnnn.

[Maple Leafs]

Wow, you're cool. Would you like to be commisioner of our online league?

[QuikSand]

Cocky? check.
Funny? check.

for teh win!