If your baby is due on 06/06/06...

[terpkristin]

Wow.
What a frightening load of crap.
From linky.


If Your Child Is Born on 06-06-06A Checklist For Christian Mothers
Freehold, Iowa - A number of panicked Christian ladies across America are scheduled to give birth on June 6th, 2006. This date raises concern among church members since the numbers of that day also identify the son of Satan, the "Beast" from the book of Revelation. No decent, Christian family wants the little red bottom of the devil's spawn perched on a limb of their family tree, taking a dump on the branches below, much less sitting in a high-chair at the dinner table listening in on family prayers while quietly finalizing plans to sodomize mommy with the family vacuum. As such, Landover Baptist Creation Scientists have put together a checklist of recommended actions one should take if their baby is being born or was born on 06-06-06.

Is My Child The Devil's Son?

A Checklist for Christian Mothers

1. Ladies, keep your legs crossed until after midnight. A True Christian™ lady always keeps her knees together -- and June 6 is no time to stop. As your demon child willfully pushes and kicks, causing your lady hole to dilate to the size of a drainage pipe, keep your knees locked together at all times. This will give your demanding child a wonderful, early lesson that he can't always have his way. To underscore this valuable disciplinary message, as the devil child flops around, trying to claw its way out to the human world to do Lucifer's bidding, continue to warble in a loud voice, "La la la la la la la I CAN'T FEEL YOU!"

2. If at all possible, have your Baptist doctor induce the child to be born earlier. The most reliable method known to Creation Science to get a mother to go instantly into labor is to jump in front of her when she least expects it and scare the dickens out of her. If this doesn't prove scary enough, read the Bible to her. Otherwise, FedEx a love processing gift of $2,000 to Landover Baptist Church, Freehold, Iowa 55369." As soon as your check clears, we will send you information on how to perform a "Creation Birth Reduction." Reduction will cause the mother to give birth two or three days out from her expected due date. If you have a weak stomach, allergies to dried locusts and can not drink human urine, the Reduction is not for you.

3. If the 06-06-06 date can not be avoided, make sure that the child is kept in a chicken cage on the hospital floor, and that there are at least two full grown hogs within four feet of the cage at all times. As a Bible believing Christian, you know that demons and pigs act like the two sides of Velcro when they are around each other (Mark 5:12-13), so keeping them by your newborn's side acts as a Godly safety net. If one of the hogs starts grinning and snorting, prancing about, or just plain acting full of the Devil's business by emptying its bowels all over the hospital floor, get it out to a lake and drown it as soon as humanly possible. And you don't have to be a Christ-killing Jew to know this: Goodness gracious, don't eat the bacon!

4. Make sure you check under your child's testicles for any peculiar markings. For it is not upon the head (as the hell bound Catholics incorrectly believe and, by all other indications, should be the last ones to be wrong in this regard), but rather hidden in the rough skin on the nape under a newborn's tiny tallywhacker, or slightly inside the anal cavity that one should be looking for any signs of the Evil One. Creation Scientists have observed that the so-called "taint" (the disagreeable area between the genitals and the anus) is where demons are most likely to post messages for each other.

5. Place your child in the care of our Creation Scientists for a period of 10-days. During this period, they will perform a Bible Crawl and conduct Creation Science Experiments on your newborn to determine if it needs to be shipped off the Landover Baptist Home for the Demonically Possessed in North Dakota. The shipping charges and five years of care costs will be billed monthly to the same credit card account you use when you drop your child off with us.

6. You might decide (as many Christian families in need have before you) that it is best just to sell your child to the cause of Creation Science. Our laboratory and research center will pay $18 a pound (17 cents a pound for mixed race infants) for any child under the age of 6-months. In making this decision, you can rest assured that you are doing something for the cause of Christendom™. Your family will be helping Creation Scientists better understand Satan's handiwork in early childhood development. This greater understanding will better prepare us in case (God forbid we'd have to suffer) there is a post-tribulational Rapture. If that is ever the case, the more we know about the enemy, the better.

7. Buy an enormous, full Korean wig that cascades thick locks of hair down your back to your waist. June 6, 2006 is no time for a pregnant woman to be walking around looking like a young boy, lest she be mistaken for Mia Farrow.

Wow.
Just wow.
I don't even know where to start. Wow.
/tk

[st.cronin]

I'm pretty sure that's a joke.

[terpkristin]

I think it's a joke, too, but it wouldn't surprise me if people buy into it (and send that "church"...is it real? 2k...)

/tk

[Toddzilla]

Landover Baptist is a parody site, you n00b.

[terpkristin]

Originally Posted by Toddzilla

Landover Baptist is a parody site, you n00b.

I thought so but wasn't positive.
Plus, as I said before, I'm sure people will send it money to help aid their child's birth..

/tk

[terpkristin]

dola,
i'm drunk
i blame it on that.

/tk

[MizzouRah]

Originally Posted by terpkristin

dola,
i'm drunk
i blame it on that.

/tk

LOL!

[st.cronin]

Originally Posted by terpkristin

dola,
i'm drunk
i blame it on that.

/tk

You get drunk and you let a website take advantage of you? You are an odd girl.

[Draft Dodger]

Originally Posted by terpkristin

I think it's a joke, too, but it wouldn't surprise me if people buy into it (and send that "church"...is it real? 2k...)

/tk

my brother-in-law and his wife are due, like tomorrow. they are going to try natural birth, but had to schedule a c-section for 6/13 just in case. when I mentioned that would be an odd day, since occasionally her birthday would fall on Friday the 13th, they told me the other option was June 6...6/6/6. That was a no go. They aren't freaks, but no sense tempting fate, right?

[sterlingice]

Originally Posted by Draft Dodger

my brother-in-law and his wife are due, like tomorrow. they are going to try natural birth, but had to schedule a c-section for 6/13 just in case. when I mentioned that would be an odd day, since occasionally her birthday would fall on Friday the 13th, they told me the other option was June 6...6/6/6. That was a no go. They aren't freaks, but no sense tempting fate, right?

Wait, isn't your brother in law's wife your sister? (tho I suppose it could be another brother that wasn't married to your sister)

SI

[sterlingice]

If only this thread were after the Bill O' Reilly is at it thread and we'd have a nice "consecutive thread hillarity" moment.

SI

[bulletsponge]

i thought the devils # was 666, not 06/06/06

[kcchief19]

That site may be a joke, but the notion is real. The Kansas City media has had a few stories about women who have requested their doctors induce labor early or perform a c-section so they won't give birth on June 6.

I want to smack this people and tell them that it is 6/6/06 -- the only 6/6/6 was 2,000 years ago.

It was in Revelations, people!

[sterlingice]

Originally Posted by kcchief19

It was in Revelations, people!

So you're saying "these women must be dealt with in a harsh and brutal fashion [as] otherwise, their behavior could incite other women leading to anarchy of biblical proportions"?

SI

[Draft Dodger]

Originally Posted by sterlingice

Wait, isn't your brother in law's wife your sister? (tho I suppose it could be another brother that wasn't married to your sister)

SI

it could be, but I think you are forgetting which one of us lives in Kansas.
it's the wife of my wife's brother. I could call her my sister in law, but where's the confusion in that?

[Draft Dodger]

delayed dola
they went into labor last night. after laboring all night, they are going to do a c-section today.

[Qwikshot]

"Cats and Dogs living together...MASS HYSTERIA!"

[Draft Dodger]

talk about weird timing.

we just got a phone call that my in-laws daughter was born. before my wife could get 30 seconds into the conversation MY sister beeped in on call waiting with the results of HER ultrasound (a boy).

quite the baby day

[kcchief19]

Congrats. Any word on whether the in-law's daughter appears to the be spawn of Satan? Any spinning of the head? Vague resemblance to Linda Blair? Does the baby use slang? When the baby came out, did she say, "I'm splittin' "?

[SackAttack]

Originally Posted by st.cronin

You get drunk and you let a website take advantage of you? You are an odd girl.

Yes, but at least with the website taking advantage of her while she's drunk there are no serious consequences with which she must deal later, unlike the alternative.

[Draft Dodger]

Originally Posted by kcchief19

Congrats. Any word on whether the in-law's daughter appears to the be spawn of Satan? Any spinning of the head? Vague resemblance to Linda Blair? Does the baby use slang? When the baby came out, did she say, "I'm splittin' "?

so far so good. the parents were thinking about adding an extra Mary to the middle name, just to be sure.

[Balldog]

My brother and his wife's due date was 06/06/06 but luckily she had the baby Sunday. haha

[molson]

My brother was born 6/6/66 (son of a Christian pastor, no less). If anything, its been an advantage in his life - great conversation starter in job interviews, etc.

They're just numbers. I can't believe people actually attempt to plan deliveries around numbers on man-made calenders. (that are used only in parts of the world).