Another Dilemna...I know, I have them this week

[MacroGuru]

Quick question....

A single mother has lost a lot of weight, goes out a lot, leaving her 7 year old son at the sitter all the time as she hits the dating scene big time.

Issue is, Christmas is here, she has zero cash, is relying on family to providing the presents for her boy.

My issue, I have some money to help out and be "Santa" this year, whether or not she wants the help, I feel bad for the boy. He has been kicked to the curb while mom takes up her lifestyle as if she hasn't had a child.

My family had a massive financial crisis in 84 when my parents divorced and I wasn't going to receive anything from "Santa", however the love of friends and neighbors stood out, and I had probably the best christmas every, now I have my chance to return the favor, but this is to a woman who gives the air of the fact she doesn't care.

So my questions are:

1) Do I interfere, basically secret santa them..however they are not living at their own pad, but rather one of her many internet guys homes, but it is close to where I live.

2) Do I contact DFS and report child neglect, as this kid is constantly left at a sitter all weekend (THe sitter is not family)

3) Do I leave well enough alone and move on my merry way.

[sachmo71]

Originally Posted by MacroGuru

Quick question....

A single mother has lost a lot of weight, goes out a lot, leaving her 7 year old son at the sitter all the time as she hits the dating scene big time.

Issue is, Christmas is here, she has zero cash, is relying on family to providing the presents for her boy.

My issue, I have some money to help out and be "Santa" this year, whether or not she wants the help, I feel bad for the boy. He has been kicked to the curb while mom takes up her lifestyle as if she hasn't had a child.

My family had a massive financial crisis in 84 when my parents divorced and I wasn't going to receive anything from "Santa", however the love of friends and neighbors stood out, and I had probably the best christmas every, now I have my chance to return the favor, but this is to a woman who gives the air of the fact she doesn't care.

So my questions are:

1) Do I interfere, basically secret santa them..however they are not living at their own pad, but rather one of her many internet guys homes, but it is close to where I live.

2) Do I contact DFS and report child neglect, as this kid is constantly left at a sitter all weekend (THe sitter is not family)

3) Do I leave well enough alone and move on my merry way.

My take:

1. Make sure that the kid has a merry christmas. It's not his fault his mom is irresponsible, so make sure he is happy. Wait until after the holidays to go off on her.

2. What do you have to report? Is the babysitter a responsible person? I don't know if there is anything the government can do unless she is endangering the child. If you have concerns about her caring for the child and keeping it safe and healty, then act on it. Otherwise, you'll need to intervene on a more personal level. Family and friends can help, but try to understand her point of view as well. Young single mothers tend to feel like they missed out on some things. People who lose a lot of weight tend to come out of their shells while they are getting used to all the attention, often in spectacular fashion. Young single mothers who lose a lot of weight = party times!! However, if you feel she needs to be snapped back into reality a bit, by all means have a talk with her...if you think she'll listen.

3. See #1. Make sure the kid is happy and healty if you care about him.

Hope that helps and good luck.

[Celeval]

Agreed - #1 is on board. #2... this isn't much different than, say, a parent or parents leaving the child with a daycare specialist during the work day (except for what the parent is doing). It's not good for the parent-child relationship, but I don't know about neglect.

[Eaglesfan27]

Agree with Sachmo.

Assuming the child's basic needs are being met: Healthcare, shelter, education and food - I doubt most states' child protective services would do anything. Clearly, this lack of attention is not best for the child's emotional development, but most state agencies won't do anything about that. So, I agree with all of his points.

[flere-imsaho]

Agree with sachmo.