My Cool 49er Story

[Bad-example]

I used to work the graveyard shift at a gas station near the San Jose airport back in the 1980's, around the time the 49ers moved their practice facility to Santa Clara. One night at about 3 am these two guys drove into self serve and I walked out to collect their cash. One of them noticed the 49er pin I always wore on my ugly blue uniform jacket and the conversation went something like this...

"So, you are a Niner fan, eh?"

"Yeah", I replied. I was not really looking for a conversation with these two guys because, well...they weren't women.

"Well, we are working as security guards at the new 49er complex in Santa Clara".

"Oh yeah?", I said, slightly more interested but mostly annoyed that I had to stand out in the cold while these dudes gassed up.

"Yep", the other guy said. "We were watching them install the fake turf on the practice field earlier tonight".

"Oh yeah?", I said again. These guys were not catching my vibe that I wasn't really interested.

"Uh huh", the first guy said. "You see, the way they do it is, they lay down the whole field using green turf, then they cut out the yard lines and numbers and replace those parts with white turf."

"Really?", I answered. This conversation was turning out to be a bit more interesting than I had expected. That was when it turned out better than I could have ever thought.

"Yes", he said, "and me and my buddy raided the dumpster after they finished. We got a bunch of the green numbers they cut out and threw away. Want one?"

Too f*cking cool. I looked in the back of the pickup and they indeed had a bunch of numbers from the half of the field that was turf. I asked for and received a 4, which turned out to be a smart choice. I ended up storing it for a long time before eventually cutting it up into doormats and giving them all away for Xmas. My brother and 3 friends got cool gifts that year. I wish I saved one for myself but I still get to see the one at my bro's house everytime I visit.

[flounder]

I thought this was going to be about the time you were working at a massage parlor and Jerry Rice walked in.

[Pumpy Tudors]

So I was working at this massage parlor back in 1996, and a guy walked in wearing a Sheila E mask. He ordered the "Strawberry Special" and I got the assignment. I put on my gauntlets and began to massage him. He was more muscular than most of our clients, and I wondered if he was maybe a professional athlete or a circus performer. I didn't want to embarrass him by asking what his job was, so I tried to be discreet. I asked him if he traveled a lot. He responded, but I couldn't really understand him through his mask.

After about five or seven minutes, the lady at the desk came into my massage room and said, "Sir, there's a call for you." I found that to be a little strange. He got up and pulled a pink satin robe from his bag, but he didn't put it on. He strolled out to the desk half-naked. I couldn't hear the phone call, but he came back in a minute later and playfully threw the robe at me. I didn't know what to do. He began to tickle me, and that's when I understood. I took off my tights and lit the fireplace.

He motioned to me to unravel the robe and look in the pocket. There was an ID badge inside. It was from the San Francisco 49ers, and it was Jerry Rice's ID. I couldn't believe that I had just given half a Strawberry Special to Jerry Rice! He sat down on the floor and motioned for me to finish the job. I had to see his face, though, just so I could be certain that I had met Jerry Rice in person. I removed the Sheila E mask, and it was that asshole Iheanyi Uwaezuoke playing a joke on me. He had stolen the ID from Jerry Rice's locker after practice and pretended to be him.

I hate Iheanyi Uwaezuoke.

[MJ4H]

best anything ever

[Logan]

It's very possible that this story is older than me. Cool.

[rkmsuf]

one time I was standing outside the celtics lookeroom at the old garden waiting for autographs. Robert Parish came out after the game and put his just worn jockstrap on my head.

[Pumpy Tudors]

Originally Posted by Logan

It's very possible that this story is older than me. Cool.

You were born after 1996?

Oh, you mean Bad-example's story.

No, seriously, Bad-example, that's a really cool story, and you ended up with something unique that most people don't even see. Heck, most people probably haven't even heard about them doing that with the numbers. That's awesome.

[Pumpy Tudors]

Originally Posted by rkmsuf

one time I was standing outside the celtics lookeroom at the old garden waiting for autographs. Robert Parish came out after the game and put his just worn jockstrap on my head.

And you don't argue with the Chief.

[Eaglesfan27]

I can always count on Pumpy for a great laugh.


The original story was cool too.

[Bad-example]

Originally Posted by Pumpy Tudors

So I was working at this massage parlor back in 1996, and a guy walked in wearing a Sheila E mask. He ordered the "Strawberry Special" and I got the assignment. I put on my gauntlets and began to massage him. He was more muscular than most of our clients, and I wondered if he was maybe a professional athlete or a circus performer. I didn't want to embarrass him by asking what his job was, so I tried to be discreet. I asked him if he traveled a lot. He responded, but I couldn't really understand him through his mask.

After about five or seven minutes, the lady at the desk came into my massage room and said, "Sir, there's a call for you." I found that to be a little strange. He got up and pulled a pink satin robe from his bag, but he didn't put it on. He strolled out to the desk half-naked. I couldn't hear the phone call, but he came back in a minute later and playfully threw the robe at me. I didn't know what to do. He began to tickle me, and that's when I understood. I took off my tights and lit the fireplace.

He motioned to me to unravel the robe and look in the pocket. There was an ID badge inside. It was from the San Francisco 49ers, and it was Jerry Rice's ID. I couldn't believe that I had just given half a Strawberry Special to Jerry Rice! He sat down on the floor and motioned for me to finish the job. I had to see his face, though, just so I could be certain that I had met Jerry Rice in person. I removed the Sheila E mask, and it was that asshole Iheanyi Uwaezuoke playing a joke on me. He had stolen the ID from Jerry Rice's locker after practice and pretended to be him.

I hate Iheanyi Uwaezuoke.

The feel good story of the year!