When Girls Attack

Karlifornia · 03-09-2007, 04:50 AM

Anyone have any particular painful stories about the "art of seduction" that they care to share. They are always funny. Here's mine:

About 6 months ago, I'm walking through the mall by myself, and decide to get a Hot Dog On a Stick at the food court. I get my food, and go sit down at a table. I take a bite of my corn dog, and look across the food court. Two girls, one with her back to me, and the other facing me, are sitting no more than 20 yards away.

The one facing facing me is a blonde cheerleader type that appears to be my age (early 20's), the other is brunette, but I can't tell anything else. I make brief eye contact with blondie, and go back to my delicious slow death. I look up again after the next bite, and Skipper is looking straight at me. She waves. I'm a bit surprised. Most girls aren't that forward, and especially ones that looked like this. This girl could have most frat boys drawing straws for the chance to lick her ingrown toenail. I point at myself and mouth "Me?" and she waves again with a huge smile on her face. Wow....I'm thinking I've just gluttoned myself into the pearly gates. A simple corn dog lunch had just become the next chapter in my life. I had begun the fantasizing:

I tell her I'm going to pick her up for dinner at 7, but I show up at 7:15 because I didn't see the mustard stain on the crotch of my pants at first. I knock on the door, and she's wearing an At The Drive-In t-shirt. I say "I love at the drive-in." Instead of going eat Arby's in the park as I had initially planned, we wind up having sex right there in her doorway. We go out for three wonderful months, and then I find out she has the entire Friends collection on DVD, and am left with no other choice but to dump her on reality TV

I snapped out of the daydream, took one last bite of my half-eaten corndog, tossed it, and began walking over to their table. I get there, and they both look up at me with looks that could spoil butter. Any confidence I had was shaken to my foundations by these looks. They looked like we were at the beach and I just stepped on their freshly built sandcastle. I toss out a line:

"Do I know you from somewhere?"

"No."

"Oh, what high school did you go to?"

"I'm not in high school anymore."

"Yeah, well, when you went to high school, which was it?"

"Monte Vista"

I had never even heard of that high school. I try to go with the even worse plan B, and by this time, their facial expressions were making me feel as if I had busted in on them while they were on the toilet:

"So, why isn't your boyfriend with you?"

"He's at home."

"Oh, well...say hi for me"

I hightailed it out of there like I was Byung-Hyung Kim and that food court was Yankee Stadium in October.

So let's hear 'em!

AlexB · 03-09-2007, 05:25 AM

Unfortunately can't claim the to be subject of this one, but was next to my mate on the dance floor when a pretty good looking girl came up to him in a club and shouted to him as 'You're on fire...'

He perked up, thought he was on to a winner, and came back with something along the lines of 'You're not so bad yourself', to which the reponse was

'No. You're on fire. Look.'

Was back in the day when turned up jeans were in, and somebody's fag end had fallen in his turn up and had started to burn his jeans

Turned out she wasn;t interested in him, just trying to stop his trousers from going up in flames.

MJ4H · 03-09-2007, 06:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jari Rantanen's Shorts

somebody's fag end had fallen in his turn up and had started to burn his jeans

Like anyone can compete with this?

Rizon · 03-09-2007, 08:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MattJones4Heisman

Like anyone can compete with this?

Yup, talk about a thread killer.

sachmo71 · 03-09-2007, 09:10 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Karlifornia

Anyone have any particular painful stories about the "art of seduction" that they care to share. They are always funny. Here's mine:

About 6 months ago, I'm walking through the mall by myself, and decide to get a Hot Dog On a Stick at the food court. I get my food, and go sit down at a table. I take a bite of my corn dog, and look across the food court. Two girls, one with her back to me, and the other facing me, are sitting no more than 20 yards away.

The one facing facing me is a blonde cheerleader type that appears to be my age (early 20's), the other is brunette, but I can't tell anything else. I make brief eye contact with blondie, and go back to my delicious slow death. I look up again after the next bite, and Skipper is looking straight at me. She waves. I'm a bit surprised. Most girls aren't that forward, and especially ones that looked like this. This girl could have most frat boys drawing straws for the chance to lick her ingrown toenail. I point at myself and mouth "Me?" and she waves again with a huge smile on her face. Wow....I'm thinking I've just gluttoned myself into the pearly gates. A simple corn dog lunch had just become the next chapter in my life. I had begun the fantasizing:

I tell her I'm going to pick her up for dinner at 7, but I show up at 7:15 because I didn't see the mustard stain on the crotch of my pants at first. I knock on the door, and she's wearing an At The Drive-In t-shirt. I say "I love at the drive-in." Instead of going eat Arby's in the park as I had initially planned, we wind up having sex right there in her doorway. We go out for three wonderful months, and then I find out she has the entire Friends collection on DVD, and am left with no other choice but to dump her on reality TV

I snapped out of the daydream, took one last bite of my half-eaten corndog, tossed it, and began walking over to their table. I get there, and they both look up at me with looks that could spoil butter. Any confidence I had was shaken to my foundations by these looks. They looked like we were at the beach and I just stepped on their freshly built sandcastle. I toss out a line:

"Do I know you from somewhere?"

"No."

"Oh, what high school did you go to?"

"I'm not in high school anymore."

"Yeah, well, when you went to high school, which was it?"

"Monte Vista"

I had never even heard of that high school. I try to go with the even worse plan B, and by this time, their facial expressions were making me feel as if I had busted in on them while they were on the toilet:

"So, why isn't your boyfriend with you?"

"He's at home."

"Oh, well...say hi for me"

I hightailed it out of there like I was Byung-Hyung Kim and that food court was Yankee Stadium in October.

So let's hear 'em!

How about "Why did you wave at me?"

Pumpy Tudors · 03-09-2007, 09:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sachmo71

How about "Why did you wave at me?"

Yeah, this is getting me, too. She's the one who was waving. Was the whole idea just to lure you over so she and her friend could turn into ice queens?

Warhammer · 03-09-2007, 09:28 AM

My best line ever:

It's my freshman year of college. I have turned over a new leaf and decided that I was going to be outgoing and meet tons of people. It worked, I knew just about all the women at the adjoining women's dorm, as well as most of the guys in my dorm. To make things even better, I was friends with all the RAs, so there was no way I was getting busted for anything. Life was grand.

One day I was eating lunch with the guys from the floor, and this girl walks in. I blurt out, "She's hot!" Never being one to show my emotions on my sleeve, the other guys at the table pick up on it. Make a long story short, two minutes later, I am getting up from the table to ask the girl out.

Tons of things are going through my mind,

"Why is a girl like you sitting alone?"

"Mind if I sit down?"

"You look like you could use some company, can I sit down?"

etc.

I get 5' from the table, and make my mistake. I turn around and notice virtually the entire cafeteria is looking at me. Silently egged on by my "buddies." I get to the table and my mind goes blank...

"Uh... How's the food?"

"It's like usual, terrible. Want to sit down?"

Long story short, she shoots me down, but I wind up her best friend. Ironically, I give up after trying for months, only to have her ask me why she can't meet someone like me to date. I tell her that I had tried dating her for however long, but she was interested in others, etc.

B & B · 03-09-2007, 09:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pumpy Tudors

Was the whole idea just to lure you over so she and her friend could turn into ice queens?

[DaveChappelleVoice]
Cooooooollllllldddd-Blooded
[/DaveChappelleVoice]

MikeVic · 03-09-2007, 09:34 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Warhammer

My best line ever:

It's my freshman year of college. I have turned over a new leaf and decided that I was going to be outgoing and meet tons of people. It worked, I knew just about all the women at the adjoining women's dorm, as well as most of the guys in my dorm. To make things even better, I was friends with all the RAs, so there was no way I was getting busted for anything. Life was grand.

One day I was eating lunch with the guys from the floor, and this girl walks in. I blurt out, "She's hot!" Never being one to show my emotions on my sleeve, the other guys at the table pick up on it. Make a long story short, two minutes later, I am getting up from the table to ask the girl out.

Tons of things are going through my mind,

"Why is a girl like you sitting alone?"

"Mind if I sit down?"

"You look like you could use some company, can I sit down?"

etc.

I get 5' from the table, and make my mistake. I turn around and notice virtually the entire cafeteria is looking at me. Silently egged on by my "buddies." I get to the table and my mind goes blank...

"Uh... How's the food?"

"It's like usual, terrible. Want to sit down?"

Long story short, she shoots me down, but I wind up her best friend. Ironically, I give up after trying for months, only to have her ask me why she can't meet someone like me to date. I tell her that I had tried dating her for however long, but she was interested in others, etc.

This doesn't sound like the end to a story?

st.cronin · 03-09-2007, 09:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pumpy Tudors

Was the whole idea just to lure you over so she and her friend could turn into ice queens?

Doesn't seem that unlikely to me at all. Women do that, you know.

Warhammer · 03-09-2007, 09:36 AM

Oh crap, forgot about this story:

Sophomore year of college

Its my buddy's 21st birthday. We take him to Murphy's for the big day. The group is a number of RAs, the nice ones, and some associated friends. One of the girls that I have breakfast with every morning and I have tried to figure out how to move things forward with comes along.

We go to the bar and get ripped. I am talking to everyone, except this girl, why I don't know. Suddenly, she asks, "Are you hitting on me?" I ask her if she wants me to, because I would be more than happy to.

A little later she comes out with this gem, "Friends can f*ck, too."

Check please!

Actually, we wind up staying a bit longer and when everyone clears out we decide to head back to her place. Unfortunately, we walk into the dorms and the rest of the RAs (the uptight ones) are in the front hall and split us up, one one way, one the other. Unfortunately, we were never able to explore things further after that. I always wonder what would have happened had things worked out differently.

Warhammer · 03-09-2007, 09:39 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MikeVic

This doesn't sound like the end to a story?

Well we were friends for the next two years. We'd occassionally do stuff together, but I had decided that she wasn't dating material, and she wasn't sure what to do with her life.

Finally, I run into her at a hockey game. Some guy asked her to marry him (guy was a tool) and she agreed. Never saw her after that.

st.cronin · 03-09-2007, 09:40 AM

Ok, here's my story:

I'm 14 years old, taking a day trip to Boston, probably to see the Sox. I have to take a pee, so I find a place with a public bathroom. I'm at the urinal, everything's going fine, when suddenly this chick walks in. This was a little disconcerting, partly because she was pretty tall. She strides up to the urinal two down from me, hikes up her dress and starts peeing.

I didn't have the stones to say anything.

MJ4H · 03-09-2007, 09:43 AM

Could you have borrowed some of hers?

st.cronin · 03-09-2007, 09:45 AM

dola

Luckily, she didn't actually "attack."

Desnudo · 03-09-2007, 10:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by st.cronin

Ok, here's my story:

I'm 14 years old, taking a day trip to Boston, probably to see the Sox. I have to take a pee, so I find a place with a public bathroom. I'm at the urinal, everything's going fine, when suddenly this chick walks in. This was a little disconcerting, partly because she was pretty tall. She strides up to the urinal two down from me, hikes up her dress and starts peeing.

I didn't have the stones to say anything.

Boston probably had more incidents of girls peeing in various places in the men's room than any other place I've been. It was almost a guarantee on a Saturday night out.

KevinNU7 · 03-09-2007, 10:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Desnudo

Boston probably had more incidents of girls peeing in various places in the men's room than any other place I've been. It was almost a guarantee on a Saturday night out.

This is very true, but never at a urinal. At 14 that would have scarred me for life. Actually that explains a lot

Desnudo · 03-09-2007, 10:50 AM

The sink always seemed to be the favored location.

Oilers9911 · 03-09-2007, 11:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by st.cronin

Ok, here's my story:

I'm 14 years old, taking a day trip to Boston, probably to see the Sox. I have to take a pee, so I find a place with a public bathroom. I'm at the urinal, everything's going fine, when suddenly this chick walks in. This was a little disconcerting, partly because she was pretty tall. She strides up to the urinal two down from me, hikes up her dress and starts peeing.

I didn't have the stones to say anything.

That was no chick, that was Ann Coulter.

st.cronin · 03-09-2007, 01:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KevinNU7

This is very true, but never at a urinal. At 14 that would have scarred me for life. Actually that explains a lot

yeah, no kidding

Pumpy Tudors · 03-09-2007, 01:17 PM

So, just to make sure I understand, why was Ann Coulter waving at some guy who's standing at a urinal eating a hot dog on a stick?

Why?

KevinNU7 · 03-09-2007, 01:20 PM

We'll never know because those drunken RAs kept them apart

Warhammer · 03-09-2007, 01:25 PM

No it was the non-drunk RAs. The other RAs would have offered us their rooms if we needed them.

Mizzou B-ball fan · 03-09-2007, 01:50 PM

This thread makes me think I led a boring life. Thankfully, I married up in the end.

Blade6119 · 03-09-2007, 02:07 PM

My buddy found out his gf of 3 years was actually his 3rd cousin...i dont know the whole story, but thats pretty bad. His name was Michael O'Harra and hers was Jessica Wutzenburg...not exactly similar. One day he met her grandparents and he recognized them, and it all spiraled out from there

cuervo72 · 03-09-2007, 02:20 PM

3rd cousins is legal, right?

Drake · 03-09-2007, 02:32 PM

1st cousins are legal in Kentucky, but people don't normally recommend it.*

*this is very likely not true, but it is a standard Kentucky joke here in Indiana.

dawgfan · 03-09-2007, 10:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blade6119

My buddy found out his gf of 3 years was actually his 3rd cousin...i dont know the whole story, but thats pretty bad. His name was Michael O'Harra and hers was Jessica Wutzenburg...not exactly similar. One day he met her grandparents and he recognized them, and it all spiraled out from there

3rd cousins shouldn't be a big deal - hell, recently news came out that from a genetic standpoint, it really isn't that bad for 1st cousins to reproduce (not that I'm recommending 1st cousins get it on).

amdaily · 03-09-2007, 10:31 PM

Wish I checked this thread earlier, as I could've killed it!

Valentine's day, three weeks back, was also the one month anniversary of dating not only the hottest girl I have ever seen, but one which I had completely clicked with.

After we downed a bit of wine, I kissed on her ear, and were just relaxing. She ends up giving me an underwear show, exactly the ones I had requested she wear.

And then there was a whole lot of nothing... I froze up, didn't attempt to make anything of the evening. Next time I talked to her she called me 'timid,' and ceased any cute/flirty talk until we ended the relationship 10 days later.

Yeah... not really a girl attack story rather than a pathetic guy story, but I felt like rambling.

Esquared1 · 03-09-2007, 11:14 PM

I was totally ready to score with some chick and Chris Hanson totally c-blocked me.

The end.

amdaily · 03-09-2007, 11:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Esquared1

I was totally ready to score with some chick and Chris Hanson totally c-blocked me.

The end.

hhahahah, post of the fucking day!!!

sachmo71 · 03-10-2007, 12:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pumpy Tudors

Yeah, this is getting me, too. She's the one who was waving. Was the whole idea just to lure you over so she and her friend could turn into ice queens?

I figured it out. They must have been wearing the same dress.

M GO BLUE!!! · 03-10-2007, 06:33 AM

I was 15 and had met this girl at a teen club. We were talking on the phone and had hung out a couple times. Were all set to go out on Valentine's day and she called to say she was coming to pick me up (she was 16 and had a car.) I waited for a couple hours and called her place. Her kid brother tells me "She went out with Bob."

So I go to the teen club and she's there with another guy, presumably Bob. I said nothing, but danced with every girl I could. The next night I walked over to her place and wedged nails under her tires so that when she would try to drive away all four tires would be punctured.

From there it just gets weird... I ran into her a few years later and she had put on some weight. I ended up getting some and she wanted to get serious. She pushed the matter on Valentine's day and I leveled with her that I wasn't trying to get serious because I was moving out of state. So even though I effectively dumped her on V-day, she continued to give me free pies and cakes from the bakery she worked at! (She eventually got fired and I never talked to her again.)

03-09-2007, 05:25 AM	#2
AlexB Pro Starter Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Newbury, England	Unfortunately can't claim the to be subject of this one, but was next to my mate on the dance floor when a pretty good looking girl came up to him in a club and shouted to him as 'You're on fire...' He perked up, thought he was on to a winner, and came back with something along the lines of 'You're not so bad yourself', to which the reponse was 'No. You're on fire. Look.' Was back in the day when turned up jeans were in, and somebody's fag end had fallen in his turn up and had started to burn his jeans Turned out she wasn;t interested in him, just trying to stop his trousers from going up in flames. __________________ 'A song is a beautiful lie', Idlewild, Self Healer. When you're smiling, the whole world smiles with you. Sports!

03-09-2007, 09:40 AM	#13
st.cronin General Manager Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: New Mexico	Ok, here's my story: I'm 14 years old, taking a day trip to Boston, probably to see the Sox. I have to take a pee, so I find a place with a public bathroom. I'm at the urinal, everything's going fine, when suddenly this chick walks in. This was a little disconcerting, partly because she was pretty tall. She strides up to the urinal two down from me, hikes up her dress and starts peeing. I didn't have the stones to say anything. __________________ co-commish: bb-bbcf.net knives out

03-09-2007, 09:45 AM	#15
st.cronin General Manager Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: New Mexico	dola Luckily, she didn't actually "attack." __________________ co-commish: bb-bbcf.net knives out

03-09-2007, 01:17 PM	#21
Pumpy Tudors Bounty Hunter Join Date: Oct 2000 Location: Pittsburgh, PA	So, just to make sure I understand, why was Ann Coulter waving at some guy who's standing at a urinal eating a hot dog on a stick? Why? __________________ No, I am not Batman, and I will not repair your food processor.

03-09-2007, 01:20 PM	#22
KevinNU7 College Starter Join Date: May 2003 Location: Beantown	We'll never know because those drunken RAs kept them apart __________________ Boston Bashers - III.14 - (8347)

03-09-2007, 09:28 AM	#7
Warhammer Pro Starter Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Dayton, OH	My best line ever: It's my freshman year of college. I have turned over a new leaf and decided that I was going to be outgoing and meet tons of people. It worked, I knew just about all the women at the adjoining women's dorm, as well as most of the guys in my dorm. To make things even better, I was friends with all the RAs, so there was no way I was getting busted for anything. Life was grand. One day I was eating lunch with the guys from the floor, and this girl walks in. I blurt out, "She's hot!" Never being one to show my emotions on my sleeve, the other guys at the table pick up on it. Make a long story short, two minutes later, I am getting up from the table to ask the girl out. Tons of things are going through my mind, "Why is a girl like you sitting alone?" "Mind if I sit down?" "You look like you could use some company, can I sit down?" etc. I get 5' from the table, and make my mistake. I turn around and notice virtually the entire cafeteria is looking at me. Silently egged on by my "buddies." I get to the table and my mind goes blank... "Uh... How's the food?" "It's like usual, terrible. Want to sit down?" Long story short, she shoots me down, but I wind up her best friend. Ironically, I give up after trying for months, only to have her ask me why she can't meet someone like me to date. I tell her that I had tried dating her for however long, but she was interested in others, etc.

03-09-2007, 09:36 AM	#11
Warhammer Pro Starter Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Dayton, OH	Oh crap, forgot about this story: Sophomore year of college Its my buddy's 21st birthday. We take him to Murphy's for the big day. The group is a number of RAs, the nice ones, and some associated friends. One of the girls that I have breakfast with every morning and I have tried to figure out how to move things forward with comes along. We go to the bar and get ripped. I am talking to everyone, except this girl, why I don't know. Suddenly, she asks, "Are you hitting on me?" I ask her if she wants me to, because I would be more than happy to. A little later she comes out with this gem, "Friends can f*ck, too." Check please! Actually, we wind up staying a bit longer and when everyone clears out we decide to head back to her place. Unfortunately, we walk into the dorms and the rest of the RAs (the uptight ones) are in the front hall and split us up, one one way, one the other. Unfortunately, we were never able to explore things further after that. I always wonder what would have happened had things worked out differently.

03-09-2007, 09:43 AM	#14
MJ4H Coordinator Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: Hog Country	Could you have borrowed some of hers?

03-09-2007, 10:50 AM	#18
Desnudo Coordinator Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Here and There	The sink always seemed to be the favored location.

03-09-2007, 01:25 PM	#23
Warhammer Pro Starter Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Dayton, OH	No it was the non-drunk RAs. The other RAs would have offered us their rooms if we needed them.

03-09-2007, 01:50 PM	#24
Mizzou B-ball fan General Manager Join Date: Aug 2001 Location: Kansas City, MO	This thread makes me think I led a boring life. Thankfully, I married up in the end.

03-09-2007, 02:07 PM	#25
Blade6119 Coordinator Join Date: Dec 2000 Location: Scottsdale, Arizona	My buddy found out his gf of 3 years was actually his 3rd cousin...i dont know the whole story, but thats pretty bad. His name was Michael O'Harra and hers was Jessica Wutzenburg...not exactly similar. One day he met her grandparents and he recognized them, and it all spiraled out from there __________________ *Underachievement* The tallest blade of grass is the first to be cut by the lawnmower. *Despair* It's always darkest just before it goes pitch black. *Demotivation* Sometimes the best solution to morale problems is just to fire all of the unhappy people. http://www.despair.com/viewall.html

03-09-2007, 02:20 PM	#26
cuervo72 Head Coach Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Maryland	3rd cousins is legal, right? __________________ null

03-09-2007, 02:32 PM	#27
Drake assmaster Join Date: Feb 2001 Location: Bloomington, IN	1st cousins are legal in Kentucky, but people don't normally recommend it.* this is very likely not true, but it is a standard Kentucky joke here in Indiana. Last edited by Drake : 03-09-2007 at 02:33 PM.*

03-09-2007, 10:31 PM	#29
amdaily College Prospect Join Date: Nov 2003	Wish I checked this thread earlier, as I could've killed it! Valentine's day, three weeks back, was also the one month anniversary of dating not only the hottest girl I have ever seen, but one which I had completely clicked with. After we downed a bit of wine, I kissed on her ear, and were just relaxing. She ends up giving me an underwear show, exactly the ones I had requested she wear. And then there was a whole lot of nothing... I froze up, didn't attempt to make anything of the evening. Next time I talked to her she called me 'timid,' and ceased any cute/flirty talk until we ended the relationship 10 days later. Yeah... not really a girl attack story rather than a pathetic guy story, but I felt like rambling. Last edited by amdaily : 03-09-2007 at 10:31 PM.

03-09-2007, 11:14 PM	#30
Esquared1 High School JV Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: Fox River Grove, IL	I was totally ready to score with some chick and Chris Hanson totally c-blocked me. The end. __________________ The Blue and Orange Kool-Aid Report and Over/Under at http://www.beachwoodreporter.com/sports/

03-10-2007, 06:33 AM	#33
M GO BLUE!!! Pro Starter Join Date: Sep 2005	I was 15 and had met this girl at a teen club. We were talking on the phone and had hung out a couple times. Were all set to go out on Valentine's day and she called to say she was coming to pick me up (she was 16 and had a car.) I waited for a couple hours and called her place. Her kid brother tells me "She went out with Bob." So I go to the teen club and she's there with another guy, presumably Bob. I said nothing, but danced with every girl I could. The next night I walked over to her place and wedged nails under her tires so that when she would try to drive away all four tires would be punctured. From there it just gets weird... I ran into her a few years later and she had put on some weight. I ended up getting some and she wanted to get serious. She pushed the matter on Valentine's day and I leveled with her that I wasn't trying to get serious because I was moving out of state. So even though I effectively dumped her on V-day, she continued to give me free pies and cakes from the bakery she worked at! (She eventually got fired and I never talked to her again.)

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