OT -- Need to ask for some prayers

[JonInMiddleGA]

Like the subject line says, I'd appreciate the prayers of those so inclined.

Bottom line: my maternal grandmother was told today that she "most likely" has liver cancer.

The backstory and, I guess, rest of the current story is a little more complicated than that.

She's been hospitalized twice in the past couple of weeks with severe chest pain, both times thought to be heart attacks/heart related, only to find that her heart functions, blood pressure, etc. were all quite normal before, during, and after the incidents. An MRI meant to look for possible blood clots that could have been passing through and causing the pain went a little lower than intended & they spotted an irregularity with her liver. Further imaging was done last week, with the results being delivered today.

She definitely has multiple lesions on her liver, which the doctor said were "most likely" due to cancer of the liver but "he really can't say for sure". And since "most liver cancer starts somewhere else, I really can't tell without doing a colonoscopy" (however it's spelled, the one with the light & camera jammed up to check your colon). But she's "welcome, of course, to get a second opinion."

Her response was basically "No way. I'm done with tests, doctors, that's it."

Now I know that she's certainly got a right to dictate her own treatment options, including none at all but there's some stuff I'm having a tough time getting my head around here. Starting with "what about a liver biopsy"? Wouldn't that be the logical next step toward diagnosing the source/cause of the lesions?

I can understand her reluctance to have further tests (there's some bad family history with the colon testing stuff), I don't have to like it but I can and do respect it. I can understand even how she might almost have more fear that she could survive a battle with whatever it is more than she fears not being able to beat it, as the battle itself is usually grueling.
And I can definitely see how a conclusive diagnosis of liver cancer could make finding out about any colon or other cancers kind of a moot point. And she's endured the death of my grandfather as well as each of her brothers & sisters over the past several years, I'd be lying if I didn't say I could understand there being some part of her that was ready to join them in the next world after this one.

What I'm having a problem handling right now -- whether it's my place to have a problem with it or not -- is not at least exploring enough options to determine whether she actually has liver cancer or something else. Particularly something else that might not be terminal if treated, even potentially something with a relatively straightforward treatment. After all, the most common cause of liver lesions are benign tumors, not malignant ones. And there's no history, personal nor family, of internal cancer in her family (she has had several small skin cancers removed over the past 20 years in outpatient procedures). With all of that plus her doctor's inconclusive opinion plus his recurring tendency to basically write off older patients, at least send the existing test results to another doctor for them to take a look at.

For the moment, I've decided it's better than I just keep my mouth shut and on any of this. From my wife's experience, I do have some idea of what hearing the word cancer directed at you is like for the first few hours and days after.

I certainly wouldn't presume to tell anyone who was willing to say a prayer for her how or what to pray for. But I would ask that you consider adding a sort of tangent to your list if you find it appropriate. Please pray that not only her but the rest of the family as well be able to not only find, but also accept, God's will.

I say that because I realized this evening that what a big part of me wanted to do was fall to my knees and beg God to heal her and keep her here with us. But I also knew that wasn't necessarily what was His will, nor necessarily what was best for her. And I don't want to encourage her to do something that is ultimately against her best interests. I'd like to be able to at least "do no harm" with whatever council I might offer, and I've got to separate my own selfish interests from this in order to do that, as would her daughter (my mother), and the rest of our family.

And, since I suppose I've already rambled, I'd like to say just a little about her. A petite woman in physical size, she's also one of the strongest people I've ever known. She's the widow of my grandfather whose passing some of you may remember me talking about a few years ago. She was the Edith to his Archie, and that requires a lot of inner strength ... not to mention patience, perseverance, and a number of other desirable qualities. She's devout in her faith, but it's an intensely personal thing for her, not something for demonstration through words but rather by actions & everyday practice. On the rare occasion she ever uttered a harm word about anyone, she regretted it immediately, it just wasn't her nature nor her belief of what she should strive to be. I can't say that I've ever known anyone who worked any harder at living what they believed in, not for anything really except for a strong belief that is what you're supposed to do. She's been an incredible example for me of someone who sought to have a life well led, regardless of how poorly I've managed to follow that example at times. Not to mention the simplest thing of all: she's my Granny, I couldn't have ordered a better one from a catalog, and I love her dearly.

Sorry so long here, your prayers would be much appreciated.

[Lorena]

Dang Jon, sorry to hear that... hope all turns out well, she's in my thoughts.

[CamEdwards]

She'll be in my thoughts and prayers Jon.

[miami_fan]

She and the rest of your family are in my prayers.

[MikeVic]

I wish for the best.

[Celeval]

In mine as well.

I think you may have already hit on what to do in there - the first few days are a shock. After a few days may be a good time to just ask her to let you know when she's ready to talk about it, because there are some things you'd like to talk to her about. My father dealt with colon cancer for a number of years, and it was never an easy thing to talk about.

[CraigSca]

I'm on it, Jon. Sorry to hear about your situation. I'll pray for wisdom, peace and healing. Take care...

[oliegirl]

You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers...

[flere-imsaho]

Best wishes & good thoughts.

[SirFozzie]

God bless, Jon.

[JonInMiddleGA]

My thanks to you all. I'm trying really hard to deal with this well, just not doing a very good job of it yet.

[johnnyshaka]

Hoping for the best, Jon.

[Klinglerware]

Good luck, Jon. Wishing for the best...

[Lathum]

best wishes to you and your family Jon

[cuervo72]

Originally Posted by JonInMiddleGA

Her response was basically "No way. I'm done with tests, doctors, that's it."

......

I can understand her reluctance to have further tests (there's some bad family history with the colon testing stuff), I don't have to like it but I can and do respect it. I can understand even how she might almost have more fear that she could survive a battle with whatever it is more than she fears not being able to beat it, as the battle itself is usually grueling.
And I can definitely see how a conclusive diagnosis of liver cancer could make finding out about any colon or other cancers kind of a moot point. And she's endured the death of my grandfather as well as each of her brothers & sisters over the past several years, I'd be lying if I didn't say I could understand there being some part of her that was ready to join them in the next world after this one.

This reminds me a lot of my maternal grandmother, who had lung cancer (she never smoked, meanwhile my paternal grandmother has smoked for YEARS but is fine). She lost her husband (twenty years before), siblings, a son, saw another son constantly in jail, a daughter on welfare. And then she had cancer, and I think was pretty bitter about it. Eventually I think she just had enough of treatment (probably didn't like doctors to begin with), and she passed 5-6 years ago. I don't recall her exact age (how bad is that?), but I'm not sure she was even 70.

Anyway, guess this isn't much of a pep talk, but thoughts are with you and your Granny. She sounds like she has some great support (mine had little more than my mom, really), which will hopefully provide her with strength and comfort.

[sachmo71]

good luck, jon. I hope everything works out for the best.

[StarBuck]

Very sorry to hear that.Best wishes for your grandmom.

[SunDevil]

best wishes and god bless.

[hhiipp]

It is hard to say what the best approach to take with her will be but I hope you find the right words if and when you do have the conversation with her to encourage her to seek a definate diagnosis.

[albionmoonlight]

Thought and prayers go out for you and your family.

[Toddzilla]

Hang in there my friend. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers - be strong for your wife and your family, and take care of yourself as well.

[Icy]

You and your familly are in my thoughts.

[Eaglesfan27]

You and your family are in my prayers.

[Honolulu_Blue]

Best wishes to you and yours', Jon.

[path12]

Best to you all.

[CU Tiger]

Jon I am praying for your grannies health, your family's patience and your strength and wisdom in determining how best to deal with it all.

[JonInMiddleGA]

Again, my thanks for your thoughts & prayers as we try to deal with this.

Talked to my dad tonight, it sounds like her adamant position about not seeing anyone else about this is softening somewhat. There's a surgeon who we've known for more than 30 years who would have likely become involved if she went that route anyway, we're hoping that she'll agree to at least ask him to look at the existing files & offer some opinions/advice. He's on a very short list of people that I trust pretty completely both ethically and professionally and I can't think of a better next step.

As we say in my neck of the woods, pray on, just pray on.

[MizzouRah]

Your grandmother will be in my prayers Jon.

[BYU 14]

Best wishes to you and your Family Jon, I sincerely hope everything turns well for all of you.

[JonInMiddleGA]

Just wanted to provide the sad but inevitable update to this thread.

My grandmother passed away sometime in the very early morning hours today, less than 12 hours after we returned home from a holiday visit on Wednesday.
Given the rapid and severe deterioration of her condition over the past few weeks, I can't help but feel that her passing was merciful.

I may return to this thread to share a few other thoughts and/or (more likely) to vent a great deal of frustration with some of the things that have occurred over the past three months but for now I really wanted to offer my sincere thanks to those who offered their prayers, thoughts, and best wishes during this situation.

In the grand scheme of things hardly anyone will ever know of her life or her death but regardless of that, the world is a poorer place without her in it. She was one of those people who genuinely tried hard to be as good a person as she could be and steadily strived to do good instead of harm. Can't really ask a lot more than that from anybody.

[Lathum]

Sorry to hear John. I lost my last grandparent close to a holiday and I can sympithize with the pain you and your family are feeling.

Best wishes on getting through this tough time.

[BYU 14]

Very sad to hear this news Jon, please accept my condolences.

[terpkristin]

Very sorry to hear that, Jon. You and your family will be in my thoughts.

/tk

[Flasch186]

sorry man.

[ice4277]

Sorry Jon. You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers.

[Eaglesfan27]

Sorry to hear this. I felt the same way about the eventual passing of my paternal grandmother and grandfather. They both suffered with painful forms of cancer and while I didn't want to lose them, I felt it was merciful when they finally passed away.

[Arles]

You and your family will be in our prayers. I'm sorry for your loss.

[CU Tiger]

Jon,
Sorry for you and your family.
You will be in our prayers.

[CamEdwards]

Sorry to hear about your loss Jon. My condolences to your family.

[path12]

Condolences and best wishes to you and your family.

[MacroGuru]

You and your family are in our thoughts and prayers tonight.

[oliegirl]

So sorry for your loss, you and your family are in our thoughts and prayers.

[MizzouRah]

Sad news Jon, sorry to hear about your loss as well.

You and your family will be in my prayers.

[Lorena]

Oh no! So sorry

[DaddyTorgo]

you have my condolences

[miami_fan]

Sorry to hear the sad news. Please accept my condolences.

[Toddzilla]

So sorry to hear the awful news, Jon. Be strong for your family and know you're in our thoughts and prayers.

[JonInMiddleGA]

A quick check-in before I try to get some sleep before driving back up there for the next couple of days (until after the funeral Saturday afternoon).

A real bitch of a day today, the amount of (realistically) mundane details surrounding a death & funeral are just mindboggling sometimes. My mother is an only child, so everything pretty much falls on her shoulders, with the rest of us just trying to handle whatever logistical stuff we can.

One sort of funny thing in the midst all of this, which sound even stranger I suppose. My mother discovered that Granny had died sometime in the wee hours in her sleep and so we had to make the phone call(s) to the appropriate people to start the process. I'm still not exactly clear on how things got screwed up or by who exactly but to make a long story short what should have been a pretty straightforward scenario where the hospice staff contacts the funeral home, arranges the doctor to make the legal death pronouncement, etc. turned into a three-ring circus that led to the arrival of:
1 sheriff's patrol car with blue lights ablaze, 1 ambulance, 1 firetruck full of first responders, not one but two deputy coroners, a funeral director ... and the primary nurse from the hospice. As my sister put it later "all that was missing was a helicopter".

Now my brother-in-law has his pros & cons but one of the big pluses is that he's consistently good in times of crisis. And in this case his work as a first responder & firefighter himself meant he knew pretty much everybody who showed up in the yard looking like an outake from Reno-911. Again, long story short, he cleared the yard of anybody who didn't need to be there in short order, starting with Barney Fife. The reason I can laugh about it a bit is that (as it turns out) my mother was oblivious to the whole scene, which is what we were worried about in the first place. Maybe you had to be there ... and it's probably a good thing I wasn't.

My humble thanks to all who've posted as well as those who haven't posted but have still kept our family in your thoughts & prayers.

[Wolfpack]

I'm sorry for your loss, but it's good to see there's even a little levity in a time such as this for you, Jon. Prayers offered.

[digamma]

My grandfather passed away five years ago, to the day. I'm drinking a glass of wine right now, which I'll raise to both of them.