The saddest and happiest day of my life...

[Qwikshot]

So,

I suppose it's been some time since I've done a post that actually relates to anything. But I've always felt this place as a home to me, a place where I can check in on things, and I guess this is one of the few places where I feel that a few of you would actually care about this.

Some of you know that I've had a daughter. While she isn't my daughter by blood, I took up responsibility for caring and raising her. My ex-girlfriend cheated after four years and got married to another man. They lived a swinger lifestyle (it's all very Jerry Springer).

All the while, I would get my daughter on weekends and we would try to have some semblance of a normal life. I would teach her things like 911, street addresses, what to do if lost, manners, how to read, ride a bike (without training wheels), and the general important family things. My daughter knew my cell phone and work phone number (which she has called numerous times).

Through the years there have been many issues with my ex-girlfriend and her husband. This past year they moved an hour and a half away to work at a strip club/sex club which was about 100 yards away from their home. There was no place for my daughter to go, no place for her to be normal, to be safe...still I managed to stay in contact, even so far as to drive up for parent-teacher conferences and other school events, as well as, doing the full 3 hour drive sometimes in picking my daughter up for the weekend and taking her back to my new home (which she has her room, the loft bedroom, painted in sky blue, the color she picked out).

I have made sure, at every event of turmoil, that my daughter would know that I would be there for her.

Two weeks ago, my ex-girlfriend and her husband got into a fight, in which, my daughter was left unattended at their home. Frightened, she called me and for an hour I kept talking to her and keeping her calm, until her mother showed up.

It must have been a turning point for my ex.

So now, close to Christmas, I noticed a few strange things going on. My ex had changed her voice mail message so that it did not have her married last name, and a few mannerisms that I took to as odd, it was a vibe.

So yesterday, my ex called me out of the blue, and after a long talk, she needed to tell me something, out of earshot of her husband.

So a few moments later, while I sat in a parking lot to get gifts for family and friends, my ex tells me she is running away to live with her mom and step-dad out of state, many many miles away. Of course, she's taking my daughter with her. Now she can't say when it will happen, but one day in the future, after Christmas, a good portion of my life will be gone. The uncertainty and sadness of when I will see her again (possibly summers, but at 6 I'm sure that she will soon want to stay with friends for the summers) is wrapped around the relief I have that my ex will not be raising her on her own (or with her husband, who while I think wasn't as bad as some other choices in my ex-girlfriend's life, did not provide what a parent should to my daughter). I'm worried that my ex-girlfriend's mom won't want me to visit her, or won't let her come up and stay with me (my family has practically raised this child for all her life).

So while I was sad, I knew that at least, she would be cared for, be in a good school, be in a neighborhood with children to play with, a smoke/drug free environment, not left alone (my ex-girlfriend's husband works from home, but stays in a room with a door closed while "watching" my daughter). It is a relief to know that my ex will go to school and get her degree and be self-reliant and perhaps with her mother's guidance, be a better parent (one can only hope).

I was supportive to my ex on her decision, I praised her for making a good decision for our child.

I hung up, and made it through the stores in a daze, I kept myself in check until I got home, and had a good cry about it.

I'm thankful for the time I had, I knew it would be limited...I'm making this her best Christmas as I cannot tell her what my ex has planned so as not to tip off the husband.

So I guess, I'm saying count your blessings for the days you have your family, it can be all too fleeting sometimes.

[PilotMan]

I think that you should know that whether you know it or not, you have made a huge impact on that little girls life. Even if you never see her again, she will grow up remembering you, and her Mom will have you to thank ultimately by being a stabilizing force, and pulling her back to the reality of the responsibilities of adulthood.

I hope that you can find peace knowing the lives that you have touched with your unselfish and loving acts. The world needs more men like you.

Don't let this keep you from starting your own family. In fact, it will remove one potential road block that a future wife might pose. I know that there are some women, once they have families of their own, that wouldn't like their husbands helping to raise 'some other women's kid' that wasn't even his own. Sad to say, but it is true.

Kids are a wonderful thing. I got up early because I had a bad dream. Looking for some downtime I went downstairs to pay bills and read news. Within 10 minutes my 5 year old was up. He hasn't stopped talking in over an hour. A little while later my 4 year old is up, and yelling and playing has commensed. So much for peace and quiet! Still, I am just happy to be home, and not on the road, especially after having just spent 17 of the last 19 days away from home.

QS, chin up man, you have done a great thing.

[Honolulu_Blue]

Originally Posted by PilotMan

I think that you should know that whether you know it or not, you have made a huge impact on that little girls life. Even if you never see her again, she will grow up remembering you, and her Mom will have you to thank ultimately by being a stabilizing force, and pulling her back to the reality of the responsibilities of adulthood.

I hope that you can find peace knowing the lives that you have touched with your unselfish and loving acts. The world needs more men like you.

Don't let this keep you from starting your own family. In fact, it will remove one potential road block that a future wife might pose. I know that there are some women, once they have families of their own, that wouldn't like their husbands helping to raise 'some other women's kid' that wasn't even his own. Sad to say, but it is true.

Kids are a wonderful thing. I got up early because I had a bad dream. Looking for some downtime I went downstairs to pay bills and read news. Within 10 minutes my 5 year old was up. He hasn't stopped talking in over an hour. A little while later my 4 year old is up, and yelling and playing has commensed. So much for peace and quiet! Still, I am just happy to be home, and not on the road, especially after having just spent 17 of the last 19 days away from home.

QS, chin up man, you have done a great thing.

Wow. I would like to add something in support, but I don't think I could come up with anything better than what PilotMan just said.

[Eaglesfan27]

Originally Posted by Honolulu_Blue

Wow. I would like to add something in support, but I don't think I could come up with anything better than what PilotMan just said.

Ditto that. I'm have a tremendous amount of admiration for the good you have done in this girl's life Qwikshot.

[Celeval]

Agreed. Good luck to you, and to her.

[CU Tiger]

PM nailed it.

QS you are a hell of a man, for what you havee done.
Just be available, your dauhter will never forget you at that age. And one day the relationship will resurrect

[Lorena]

Agreed, you've made a powerful impact on that little girl and she won't forget it. Good luck to you all.

[WSUCougar]

Cheers, Qwik. Best wishes.

[Cringer]

You have been a good dad, a good man. Just keep up doing what you can.

[flere-imsaho]

All I can do is agree with what's been said already. You're a good person, best wishes.

[Radii]

Originally Posted by flere-imsaho

All I can do is agree with what's been said already. You're a good person, best wishes.

+1

[hawk4669]

From a father of three here....you are a good man. Period. 'Nuff said.

Keep your chin up.

Cheers!

[BYU 14]

I echo the thoughts os PM and others. I remember you posting about this sometime ago and the admiration I had for you then. I would just add that respect is still as strong today, and that the impact you have made in your Daughters life will never be forgotten by her. This is a very touching story and I wish you and your Daughter a fabulous Christmas Qwikshot. I am sure it will be extra special.

[Autumn]

I've had some similar situations and I'd just urge you to keep in touch however you can. Letters or phone calls if need be, even if they're not often. Kids go away and then come back, and if she knows you're there she'll find you when she needs you.

[Fidatelo]

Seems like you've been a pretty positive force in these people's lives. God (if you believe), and karma, smiles on that kind of behaviour.

[wade moore]

I remember you talking about this when they moved for their new... "career".. I had a lot of admiration for you then, and I continue to have it now.