grieving...

[FrogMan]

not asking for prayers or thoughts, just have to put my thoughts somewhere...

My grandpa passed away in the night from Saturday to Sunday. He was 85...

He'd been having heart problem for a little while now, had had a quadruple bypass or something similar when he was 65, but recently was when it got worst. Had a stroke last Fall that we almost all thought would take him but he went back home, even if much weaker. He also had been sufferign from diabetes and at first back home would go into a diabetic coma every once in a while, which when you know his wife is a frail 85 yo herself didn't look good, but they had it under control.

Was back to the hospital with some chest pain maybe a week before Christmas. They told him he was losing blood and they said they thought he might have something to his intestine or something. They went up with the camera and saw something, went to biopsy and diagnosed him with a colon cancer. They operated him on Friday, he had a heart attack on the table but came back. He was semi-lucid most of Saturday, although he was intubated. His five children, my mom among them, spent the day with him. He died at 2:25 in the night.

I'm mad at myself here. Mad I didn't take the time to go see him one last time with my sons. Last time was last Summer. I had planned to go during the holiday break but when they he got admitted to the hospital, my mom agreed with him it was probably not good (that hospital had a epidemic of c-diff). I'm just sad and now it's hitting me. Maybe it's only cause my mom just called to give me some details of all she's doing for the succession thing, and now I'm realizing it, but damn, now I hate myself.

I wasn't super close to him, or so I thought. They lived a few hours from us and we'd see him maybe twice a year, but he'd call each and every member of the household on their birthdays. Not only me, his direct grandchild, but also my wife, and after their births, my sons. Today is my youngest son's birthday, and around dinner time, I realized that the phone call could never come. While I didn't think I was close to him, I mean we never did cool stuff like my sons are doing with my dad mostly because of the distance that separated us, but there was a special link between him and me. He was a hockey referee in his youth and he always got a great kick out of telling me his big brawl stories, how he's separate fights in a game and control the game on the ice, or wait for the police to leave the rink. I guess I never realized it, we were closer than I thought.

Grandpa, I'll miss you.

Your grandson, Steve.

[oliegirl]

That was very touching, I'm sure he knows how you feel. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

[path12]

Sorry to hear it. Best to you and your family.

[NoSkillz]

My condolences to you, FM.

[Emiliano]

Sorry to hear, Steve. My condolences.

[JeeberD]

It's been a rough week or two for the folks of FOFC. My condolences FM.

[MacroGuru]

There's a host of grandparents smiling down on FOFC and our support for each other...god bless Steve.

[Butter]

Great post, FM. Sorry for your loss.

[Toddzilla]

Wow, what a great post. Thanks for sharing, FM. My condolences to you and your family.

[King of New York]

FM,

He sounds like a cool guy--I am sorry to hear that he has passed.

The older I get, the more I realize that there are lots of different ways of being close to someone. Sometimes you're close without really realizing it.

[MikeVic]

Sorry to hear.

[FrogMan]

thanks a lot everyone, your kind words are more appreciated than you could believe.

Originally Posted by JeeberD

It's been a rough week or two for the folks of FOFC. My condolences FM.

yeah, it's been. I cried when I read Mizzourah's post about his grandmother and just couldn't post in his thread. Sure, there's been people who've suffered bigger losses than mine, it just hit me hard last night...

Originally Posted by Toddzilla

Wow, what a great post. Thanks for sharing, FM. My condolences to you and your family.

Just reread it and dang it now feels all over the place. I didn't even mention why him being a referee was a link to me. I was a hockey referee for 8 years in my youth.

Originally Posted by King of New York

FM,

He sounds like a cool guy--I am sorry to hear that he has passed.

The older I get, the more I realize that there are lots of different ways of being close to someone. Sometimes you're close without really realizing it.

Maybe you are right. On Sunday morning, when my mom called me to tell me the news, she told me about how she woke up suddenly in the middle of the night at about 2:05, almost as if she was choking on a hard candy. She said she felt her father let go. I didn't realize at that moment, but I too woke up at 2:15, probably as he was drawing his last breath. Weird feeling...

Thanks again for the thoughts & prayers everyone.

FM

[FrogMan]

Originally Posted by King of New York

He sounds like a cool guy--I am sorry to hear that he has passed.

forgot to say, yes, he was a cool gentleman, probably cooler than I ever realized it. Sure, I knew he'd been the mayor of the little town in which my mom grew up, but I never realized to what point he was a respected man in his community. I only saw that last night when my mom told me about her last couple of days spent with her mom. To tell you how much respect he had, they have set the town flag at half mast at Town Hall the moment they learned of his passing and they expect a pretty big turnout for his funerals on Saturday. He was a good man in his community. God bless ya grandpa.

FM

[johnnyshaka]

Very sorry for your loss, frogman...sounds like he was a real character.

After reading your post I've decided I'm going to get up an hour earlier for work and go out and have coffee with my grandparents first thing tomorrow morning. Life is too short not to. Thanks.

[Lorena]

So sorry for your loss Steve My heart goes out to you.

Originally Posted by FrogMan

Maybe you are right. On Sunday morning, when my mom called me to tell me the news, she told me about how she woke up suddenly in the middle of the night at about 2:05, almost as if she was choking on a hard candy. She said she felt her father let go. I didn't realize at that moment, but I too woke up at 2:15, probably as he was drawing his last breath. Weird feeling...

Thanks again for the thoughts & prayers everyone.

FM

Wow! That's trippy, I've heard of stuff like this happening but never to someone I know. There was most definitely a connection.

[Eaglesfan27]

Great post, Steve. You have my deepest condolences.

[FrogMan]

Originally Posted by Dodgerchick

Wow! That's trippy, I've heard of stuff like this happening but never to someone I know. There was most definitely a connection.

yeah, was weird. I'm still unsure if it was the result of my mom's suffering the loss of her dad, or my grandpa passing though. I've always had a very strong connection with my mom. She's a tiny bit over 5' tall and I'm almost 6' and very often when I lived with my folks, she'd ask me to get her stuff from the top shelves of the cupboard. Only, sometimes when I was in my bedroom I'd clearly here her voice call me, would come out of my room to the kitchen and ask her if she had called me to which she would say something like "no, didn't say a word, but I was thinking about asking you to come get that cup or that plate over there". Always thought it was interesting back then and I'm thinking I might have felt her emotional pain that night, or maybe it was indeed my grandpa passing. Or it's all bullocks and I was simply dreaming about my WWSM team, who knows (but it did feel weirder)...

I'm not usually big on those premonition things with dead people, but it did have an eerie feeling.

FM

[oliegirl]

My mother's grandmother, who she was very very close to, died years before I was born. She wore a very uncommon perfume, my mom says she's never known anyone who ever wore that perfume other than my grandmother, and most people have never heard of it...I don't remember the name though. Anyway, she'd told me many times about how on the day of my baptism, she went into my room to get me up from my nap, and walked through "a cloud" of that perfume. She's never worn it, and like I said, never knew anyone else that wore it.

The day my son was baptised, she and I were in his room, getting him ready, and all of a sudden I smelled something really weird...I said "what is that weird smell - do you have new perfume on", she said no and looked at me like I was nuts, but a minute later she just stopped in her tracks and said "oh my god", I looked at her and she was crying, it was her grandmothers perfume. It's the only time I ever smelled it, but it was definitely there.

There is definitely a connection between the living and the dead...I believe that those close to you don't ever really leave you. A lot of people think/believe that the chill that runs down your spine out of the blue, or a weird feeling that someone is watching you, is actually some sort of paranormal experience. Like "The Sixth Sense", but much less creepy and stalkerish...

[MizzouRah]

Just had my grandma pass away on Sunday. My prayers will be with you Steve.

[FrogMan]

Originally Posted by MizzouRah

Just had my grandma pass away on Sunday. My prayers will be with you Steve.

Thanks a lot Todd, much appreciated. I saw your thread within maybe an hour of you posting it but just couldn't post in it. You've been in my thoughts over the whole last few days.

Thanks also to everyone for your good thoughts.

Today was the funeral, a pretty emotional day. Started with what I'd think would be translated as the wake (my English is failing me here), you know when the deceased is exposed in his casket and people come to present their condolences to the family of the deceased. That went from 9 to about 10:45 (there were some time for that yesterday afternoon and evening) with the funeral starting at 11.

I gave my mom and my grandmother both a big hug, to give them strength and I was all right until we all gathered around for one last prayer before they'd take my grandfather's casket to the church. It then got very real. Don't know why. Even seeing him in his casket, he looked peaceful, but the words "last prayer" hit me like a brick...

The funeral was also pretty emotional. Actually the first time I had to live the funeral of someone close to me. My mom had asked me to read something she said my grandfather had told her to ask me. I had read something at their 50th wedding anniversary and I remember him telling me he had been moved by my reading. I fell some pressure with having to read something today, but I certainly wanted to make him proud. What he's picked, before his death, for me to read was 1 Corinthians, 13:1-8. I'm not a big bible person, and I didn't remember it at first, but I read that same text at my sister's wedding a few year's ago. I think it's great. Basically, if you don't have love, you have nothing. I think it defines my granfather well...

I was nervous and didn't want to break down but it went superbly. As I walked back to my seat, I could see my parents' eyes big with pride and I knew my grandfather would have been happy and he would have liked it too. A few persons came to me afterwards, people that I didn't know, but who knew my mom or my dad, and they told me they just loved my reading of that text, that it indeed defined my grandpa well...

Grandpa, that was for you, may you rest in peace.

FM

[MizzouRah]

Steve, you are a strong person and your grandpa was with you on that sad day. My grandma was cremated, so that made it a little easier on all of us not seeing her lay in the casket. I know she's in a better place, but I miss her so much already.

Take care,

Todd

[MacroGuru]

Steve and Todd,

I am right there with you in prayer, slapping you on the back. I know how tough it is, I wrote a prayer that I was asked to read at my grandfathers funeral, and the funny thing is, I haven't thought about it a lot until both of your threads popped up....

I pulled it out, read it and I know he is always with me.

Thanks both of you for being strong and also for waking it back up in me...at times we forget when we get so busy with things, and I think I was there.

[Flasch186]

losing grandparents sucks. My thoughts are with you.

[MizzouRah]

Originally Posted by MacroGuru

Steve and Todd,

I am right there with you in prayer, slapping you on the back. I know how tough it is, I wrote a prayer that I was asked to read at my grandfathers funeral, and the funny thing is, I haven't thought about it a lot until both of your threads popped up....

I pulled it out, read it and I know he is always with me.

Thanks both of you for being strong and also for waking it back up in me...at times we forget when we get so busy with things, and I think I was there.

Thank you.

[FrogMan]

yep, thank you.

FM

[oykib]

Originally Posted by FrogMan

not asking for prayers or thoughts

You have mine anyway.

Mike

[FrogMan]

Originally Posted by oykib

You have mine anyway.

Mike

thank you, very appreciated.

FM