The Crappiest Neighbor Ever

Radii · 01-19-2008, 12:46 AM

Thread title stolen from the article, you can't improve on perfection.

hxxp://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/years/2008/0118081def1.html

Quote:

The Crappiest Neighbor Ever
Cops: Wisconsin man let loose on baby clothes, bedding, shoes

JANUARY 18--A Wisconsin man who allegedly defecated on the clothing and shoes of neighbors was charged yesterday with the repulsive, month-long soiling spree. Ronnie Ballard, 19, is facing misdemeanor charges for ruining the items, which were in the laundry room and hallways of a Madison apartment building that is next door to Ballard's residence. According to a criminal complaint filed in Dane County Circuit Court, Ballard defecated on two occasions in a washing machine, ruining a comforter, baby clothing, and other garments. Ballard, pictured in the mug shot at right, is also charged with defecating in the tennis shoes and boots of building residents, who had left the footwear outside their apartment doors. The complaint, a copy of which you'll find below, quotes one resident's reaction when she discovered the ruined sneakers: "He shit in someone's Reebok." The document adds that Felicia Walton, owner of the sneakers, "had not given anyone permission to defecate in her shoes and she was disturbed." As first reported by the Wisconsin State Journal, Ballard was apprehended after a neighbor confronted him in the laundry room and followed him home. At the time of his arrest, Ballard was out on bail on a lewd and lascivious behavior charge from Lincoln County (he is currently being held on $1400 bail at the Dane County lockup). As the Journal's Ed Treleven reported, during a court appearance yesterday, Court Commissioner Todd Meurer "ordered Ballard to only defecate in toilets."

The bolded parts turn this from a weird crime story to pure comedy gold, IMO.

stevew · 01-19-2008, 12:55 AM

Najeh?

lighthousekeeper · 01-19-2008, 01:21 AM

Quote:

Court Commissioner Todd Meurer "ordered Ballard to only defecate in toilets."

Fascist

Subby · 01-19-2008, 07:08 AM

If Charles Bronson were still alive, this guy would be dead already.

Flasch186 · 01-19-2008, 08:00 AM

However, if it were chuck norris crapping in their shoes they would be able to walk on water while wearing them. tradeoffs.

st.cronin · 01-19-2008, 08:10 AM

When you say Wisconsin, you've said it all.

Passacaglia · 01-19-2008, 08:40 AM

he'd been doing it for a month?

Suburban Rhythm · 01-19-2008, 10:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Passacaglia

he'd been doing it for a month?

Eating Taco Bell every night?

14ers · 01-20-2008, 07:05 AM

Call the CSI boys as he may be a serial defecator.

sterlingice · 01-20-2008, 05:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Passacaglia

he'd been doing it for a month?

That was the part of the story that kindof jumped out at me, too.

SI

AZSpeechCoach · 01-22-2008, 09:12 PM

I give people permission to defecate in my shoes all the time. What's her problem?

01-19-2008, 07:08 AM	#4
Subby lolzcat Join Date: Oct 2000 Location: sans pants	If Charles Bronson were still alive, this guy would be dead already. __________________ Superman was flying around and saw Wonder Woman getting a tan in the nude on her balcony. Superman said I going to hit that real fast. So he flys down toward Wonder Woman to hit it and their is a loud scream. The Invincible Man scream what just hit me in the ass!!!!! I do shit, I take pictures, I write about it: chrisshue.com

01-19-2008, 08:00 AM	#5
Flasch186 Coordinator Join Date: May 2002 Location: Jacksonville, FL	However, if it were chuck norris crapping in their shoes they would be able to walk on water while wearing them. tradeoffs. __________________ Jacksonville-florida-homes-for-sale Putting a New Spin on Real Estate! ----------------------------------------------------------- Commissioner of the USFL USFL

01-19-2008, 08:10 AM	#6
st.cronin General Manager Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: New Mexico	When you say Wisconsin, you've said it all. __________________ co-commish: bb-bbcf.net knives out

01-19-2008, 08:40 AM	#7
Passacaglia Coordinator Join Date: Oct 2000 Location: Big Ten Country	he'd been doing it for a month? __________________ Pride and Prejudice -- an FOF9 Lions dynasty, starting 1966

01-20-2008, 07:05 AM	#9
14ers High School Varsity Join Date: Oct 2006	Call the CSI boys as he may be a serial defecator. __________________ I like the company I keep when I am alone. 'The Blonde Bomber'

01-19-2008, 12:55 AM	#2
stevew Hall Of Famer Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: the yo'	Najeh?

01-22-2008, 09:12 PM	#11
AZSpeechCoach College Prospect Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: Phoenix	I give people permission to defecate in my shoes all the time. What's her problem? __________________ The dumber people think you are, the more surprised they'll be when you kill them! Visit Stewart the Wonderbear and his amazing travels http://wonderbeartravel.blogspot.com

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