Suicide By Cigarette

[Bad-example]

Having a great time here watching my mom drive the final nails into her own coffin. She might last a couple weeks or longer but her smoking has screwed up her circulation so badly that her feet are rotting off with gangrene. Nice work, mom. I could see this coming 37 years ago at age ten. That doesn't make it any easier to watch. Yeah, good times.

[Lathum]

ugh, sorry to hear...

[rowech]

Seeing the same thing with my dad right now. He has congestive heart failure, bleeding in his esophagus (sp?) and because of his drinking has cirrhosis that could lead to death as well. Yet, he blames all of this on the painkillers he takes for his "fibromyalgia" that makes his life horrible.

I will never understand why people smoke.

[CleBrownsfan]

sorry to hear about your mum.

[Mizzou B-ball fan]

Father in law is killing himself as well. I suppose the only excuse for it is that he's 7 years into a Parkinson's diagnosis. I guess he figures he'll smoke himself to death before he's unable to move on his own. Glad I personally don't have to choose from those two evils.

[Apathetic Lurker]

Originally Posted by rowech

Seeing the same thing with my dad right now. He has congestive heart failure, bleeding in his esophagus (sp?) and because of his drinking has cirrhosis that could lead to death as well. Yet, he blames all of this on the painkillers he takes for his "fibromyalgia" that makes his life horrible.

I will never understand why people smoke.

Addiction..... enjoyment........well, it was for me

[JonInMiddleGA]

Originally Posted by rowech

I will never understand why people smoke.

For those who understand, no explanation is needed. For those who do not understand, no explanation is possible.

[SteveMax58]

Originally Posted by JonInMiddleGA

For those who understand, no explanation is needed. For those who do not understand, no explanation is possible.

+1

[tarcone]

My Mom is doing the same thing. She has had 2 Artery bypasses, one in each leg. Has terrible circulation. Saw Both her smoker brothers die of massive heart attacks, and her smoking sister die of emphysema.
She thinks she is hiding her smoking from us all. But we all know. I have given up. She is 78 and will die in the next few years. May as well let her do what she enjoys.

But, hey, its legal.

[Solecismic]

My dad never got to retire and travel to the places he had anticipated all his life. He did see Auckland and Prague in his last few years, but there were many more on his list, and vacations were never long enough. He believed to his dying day that smoking had no effect on his health, even when his doctor told him he had advanced heart disease, and his circulation was becoming very poor.

My mom did believe, in the end, that smoking took quite a toll. What she didn't believe was that diabetes and cigarettes *will* contribute to a heart attack eventually. Unfortunately, she didn't survive her first. At least she met her only grandchild shortly before her death.

I don't know if I bugged them about their smoking too much, or not enough. Probably too much, as I don't think there's anything I could have said that would have changed anything. My sister finally quit after our mom died. Her health is vastly improved - she was already having serious circulation issues in her 30s.

I think I'm just lucky I hated the taste when I tried it for the first time at 10 or 11. It was easy to grab a few, and a girl in the neighborhood and I would sneak off to the park and smoke. Yeah, alone with a girl for the first time, and what do we think is adventurous and cool? So I became an ex-smoker at 11, I think. Haven't had one since.

[Izulde]

Originally Posted by SteveMax58

+1

+2

That said, if I ever became happy on a long-term basis, I'd probably quit.

[Neon_Chaos]

You ever smoked a cig after sex? It's like putting your dick to sleep in a bed of rose petals.

That said, I've quit on and off every 6 months or so.

[Bad-example]

Watching her literally rot away because of the continued smoking is extra tough as I fight off depression at the same time. The toll it is taking on my father is the hardest part. I fear she may drag us both down with her, and it wouldn't surprise either of us if that's part of her agenda at this point. Hell, my dad quit smoking ten years ago after his heart attack and she kept right on smoking in front of him. I'm sure those that have been/are going through similar scenarios can understand the bitterness and anger I'm dealing with.

[RainMaker]

Sorry to hear. You may want to use some of the same tactics that families use with people on drugs. I'm talking about an intervention of sorts.

I'm dealing with something similar with my Mom. She needs to lose weight. The older she gets, the harder it will be. And you just don't see a lot of women her size living a long life. There are a lot of easy things she can do too. Cutting soda would be one, or at least switching to Diet. But she has an excuse for everything. Always lying about her diet. Told me awhile ago she had almost completely stopped drinking Pepsi. Brother came in for the holidays and told me she drinks about 4-5 cans a day.

It's so frustrating to have someone you care about not care about themselves. Which in turn feels like they don't care enough about you to stop.

[Suicane75]

I'm not trying to preach in the pro smoking camp here at all but maybe look at things from your mothers point of view. Firstly, she is addicted. What you may see as her not having the want is more likely her simply not having the will.

Secondly, if your mom quits smoking right now is she gonna get better? I'm guessing she's up there in age and that this point is resigned to what they have done and will do to her, it doesn't mean she doesn't love you or is trying to rub your nose in it.

[TargetPractice6]

I've been going through similar things lately, too. It's even worse recently because I've been living at home since graduating from college and get a close up view of just how badly both my parents are treating their bodies as they enter old age.

My dad has a fairly extensive daily beer and cigarette regimen. He doesn't seem to be showing any serious signs just yet, but he's 57 and smoking killed both his parents in their early 60s. Recently two of his closest friends have had their livers fail: one died of it and the other managed to get a transplant. I think he's pretty much accepted it's going to kill him too and unfortunately he seems pretty okay with it.

My mom has always had weight issues but in the last few years she's just completely stopped trying. It's even more frustrating because she had a cancer false alarm about a year ago. The doctors thought it had metastasized to her liver, but instead of tumors they were really just fatty spots. Bottom line was the doc told her she HAD to lose weight. I don't view her as a lost cause like my father (nothing will change him) so I've been trying to get her to diet with me. She only just turned 50 so she still has plenty of time if she starts tuning things around, and it seemed like having a brush with terminal illness might spur her into action.

We both started diets after Christmas. I thought it would help if she had some support, but she still bailed after about a week and a half. I try to get her to go on walks with me, but she'd rather watch Judge Judy re-runs. It compounds my frustration a bit more that she thought it would be a good idea to get a MASSIVE German Shepherd, yet didn't seem to have any intentions of taking him for walks either... so that responsibility falls on me and I don't even like the dog. I try to get her to walk the dog with me so she can get some activity without it sounding like "exercise" but so far nothing gets her out of the Lazy Boy. Most weekends she doesn't even get out of bed.

It's a real bummer that I'm mentally preparing myself to lose both of them within the next five years, but I just can't see how either of them is going to be healthy enough to reach 65.

[Bad-example]

Getting close to the end now. After a ten day hospital stay we got her back home and set up with hospice and 24 hour home care. She bribed a janitor in the hospital to buy her some cigs and a lighter. Nearly caused a stampede of nurses when she lit up.

Now it is just about managing her pain. It might be a week or two or possibly longer but at least she is getting the care that we just couldn't provide on our own. At least the burden on my father should be somewhat reduced.

[DaddyTorgo]

Geez...sorry Bad-example.

[RomaGoth]

Sorry to hear this B-E. My grandfather died of cancer (although I think the radiation treatment just sped up the process), along with a couple of his siblings. My dad still sneaks them once in a while, despite knowing what his father went through. I smoked off and on for ten years or so, but quit in 2004 and have not had one since, nor do I ever have the urge. Cold turkey is the best method imo.

Anyway, too bad about your mom, but some people just can't say no.

[M GO BLUE!!!]

My dad had his first heart attack at 57. Two weeks in the hospital and he figured he hadn't smoked in two weeks, he didn't need them ever again. Said he felt great. Two weeks of his wife smoking around him & he was back. The big one hit him a few months later. One year to the day after #1 he was dead.

Fuck you cigarettes. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you.

[Airhog]

My dad quit smoking 3 days before he died. and 2 of those days he was in the hospital. He had lung cancer that moved into his brain. We never knew because he refused to see a doctor.

I don't understand why anyone would smoke after watching a parent die of it. My brother smokes now because of his dumb bitch of a wife.

[Marc Vaughan]

Originally Posted by Neon_Chaos

You ever smoked a cig after sex? It's like putting your dick to sleep in a bed of rose petals.

God - I've been off them for nearly 4 years now and that one statement had my cravings back instantly ... thanks for that

That said, I've quit on and off every 6 months or so.

I quit for about 4 years, went back for a couple of years and have quit again hopefully for the last time 4 years ago.

I've found it easier not to smoke since I had kids (last thing I want is them smoking as I know how bad it is for you) .... but also since moving to florida as its unbearable smoking outside in the summer here (far too hot) and also cigarettes just aren't as easily available here as in the UK (or possibly just that I used to spend more time in pubs in England? ... ).

[terpkristin]

Sorry to hear, B-E. I can't imagine what you and yours must be going through.

/tk

[JonInMiddleGA]

Originally Posted by Airhog

My brother smokes now because of his dumb bitch of a wife.

I'd lay odds that ain't it. She may make it easier or provide an excuse but as a general rule you'll smoke because the perceived benefits outweigh the perceived costs (of quitting/not smoking/whatever). Short of her putting a gun to his head & forcing him though, she's not "why" he smokes.

[lungs]

I think I've successfully made the transition to only smoking when I drink. And I'm drinking a lot less these days.

Granted I am a nicotine addict still and use smokeless tobacco too (about a tin a week). My theory is to do a little of both but not too much of either.

Sorry to all those that have lost loved ones to this addiction.

[bignej]

Sorry to hear about your mother. The addiction is very powerful. My mother died at 46 to lung cancer. My father and 4 siblings all still smoke. I smoked on and off for 8 years and I find it incredibly difficult to not light up when around them. I don't live near them so those instances are few and far between. I explain it to my wife like this," When you go on a diet, you might never have another piece of cake, but you will never convince your mind that it doesn't love it."

[Bad-example]

Thanks to all who posted in this thread. It did help. My mom passed last night at 12:30 or so. It was a blessing because she wasn't really there anymore and the pain was pretty much the only thing left. The hospice people were great. It is extra painful knowing the cigs were responsible for the whole horrifying ordeal and that, had she quit the smoking and agreed to a revascularization procedure, she might have had another 5 or more years.

She was a stubborn old bird, oblivious to the damage her smoking did not only to her body but to her relationships with her husband and sons. She went out in a blaze of misery and as difficult as it was to watch, she had no one to blame but herself. At least she is past the agony now.

[Lathum]

Sorry to hear. I pray that once the pain goes away you remember all the fond memories you have with her and not what caused her demise.

[RainMaker]

I'm sorry to hear about the loss. I hope you can feel content with the happy memories that I'm sure you have despite how difficult the ending has been.

[Bad-example]

We just passed the two month mark the other day. Got the stone finalized and the great majority of the paperwork is now complete. It feels like we are approaching a point of resolution as the last details are handled.

My dad has returned almost to his normal self. His mind is still a bit fuzzy and I am torn between doting on him and allowing him to fend for himself a bit. He seems to do better when he is more active so I try for some kind of balance. As for me I felt like my normal self for the first time the other day when I decided to go see Lindsey Buckingham on his new tour this September. I played some music and rocked out with a few beers. I haven't been on any kind of vacation (nor hit the holiday road) for several years and a trip to Reno is just what the doctor ordered.

Not sure why I am listening to Doctor Johnny Fever but he seemed quite sincere when he ordered me to Reno.

[BYU 14]

The healing process is long and painful, but it is good to hear the you are your father are doing as well as possible under the circumstances.

Concert must have been pretty good, did he do any Fleetwood Mac stuff?

[Bad-example]

Originally Posted by BYU 14

Concert must have been pretty good, did he do any Fleetwood Mac stuff?

Ah, I was a bit unclear there. The day I made the decision to buy a ticket was the day I felt like I was back to normal, at least for a while.

The tour kicks off in September and I will be at the first show in Reno. I would expect he'll do some FM stuff.

[BYU 14]

Originally Posted by Bad-example

Ah, I was a bit unclear there. The day I made the decision to buy a ticket was the day I felt like I was back to normal, at least for a while.

The tour kicks off in September and I will be at the first show in Reno. I would expect he'll do some FM stuff.

I reread that and totally missed September, sorry.

[Bad-example]

Originally Posted by Lathum

Sorry to hear. I pray that once the pain goes away you remember all the fond memories you have with her and not what caused her demise.

A lot of the anger and bitterness has faded but I know it will never go away completely. I really appreciate all the people that posted. Thanks.

[Oilers9911]

Been there and done that. My mom had esophagul (sp?) cancer, had surgery to cut out part of the esophagus and the rest pulled up to reattach it. It was horrible and still, before she even left the hospital she was sneaking outside to smoke. Then once at home she was sneaking cigarettes to hide them from my dad. After all she went through she couldn't, or wouldn't give them up. It was infuriating and it killed her. I feel your pain.

[Dodgerchick]

I totally missed this thread, really sorry to hear