Funniest things you've heard in the stands at a game

[Ben E Lou]

I posted something I heard an old man say at a high school football game in another thread, which made me wonder what other "classic" comments you've heard in the stands, either yelled at a player or ref, or said to a friend a little too loudly so that others ended up overhearing it.

[Ben E Lou]

Paying homage to Quik, I'll do a separate post to get things started.

This is the one I posted in another thread. It was said this past fall about Thomas Brown, Tucker High School's stellar tailback:

"Dat boy run so good, it make your DICK hard!"

The other one I heard several years ago. It was yelled out by a fan at a high school basketball game, after a kid said something to the ref and got a technical foul:

"Ref, if he called you what you is, you were RIGHT to give him a technical!!!

[astralhaze]

This isn't one of those laugh out loud type of things, but I thought it was really funny. I was watching the Cubs at Wrigley Field sitting next to this old guy who was obviously a long time fan. They brought it Felix Heredia who predictibly started getting rocked. He just waved waved his hand dismisively and said "baaaahhh, that's the guy they traded Kevin Orie for"

[Fritz]

A local minor league team was sponsored by a funeral home and Hooters.

The game announcer rattled off something about about using the funeral home's mausoleum services and then said "and while you are staying at [funeral home's name], stop by Hooters for some hot wings."

[QuikSand]

Back in the day, I used to go to Syracuse Chiefs games - they are/were the AAA affiliate of the Blue Jays. There was a fair parade of "talent" through that club, but it was more fun to watch the guys who had a bit less talent.

One season a middling prospect catcher named Randy Knorr was with the team (he even got a few years in the big leagues, but never really did much). Anyway, he got off to a really poor start... like 0-for-30 or something like that. Anyway, I went to thre or four games during that span, and a friend and I turned up th heat-- heck, it was minor league baseball, that's our right... nay, our obligation.

Every time Randy Knorr came up to bat, we worked our way down to the seats near the plate, and started encouraging him.

"Be your own man, Randy!"

"Don't choke up - that's for sissies!"

"Show 'em where you live!" (my personal favorite)


All this, mind you, is happening while the giant scoreboard lights are beaming:

23  C  RANDY KNORR    .000   0 RBI  

Anyway... those were good times. My friend and I celebrated like fiends when he got his first hit, and he looked up at us and smiled when he trotted back to put his pads on.

Not quite the highlight of my baseball stands career (that would be getting RF Shawn Jeter to flip me off while I was in the 20th row), but still a pretty good time.

[Anrhydeddu]

Pffft, back in my days, the Chiefs were the AAA affiliate for the New York Yankees.

[Fritz]

Originally posted by Anrhydeddu
Pffft, back in my days, the Chiefs were the AAA affiliate for the New York Yankees.

back in your day baseball was called rounders....

[cuervo72]

Ahh, I was just reminiscing about good times at O's games with a buddy on Sunday. There was the game that was cancelled for a power outage, another when we were heckling Dwayne Hosey (with the BoSox 95-96) in CF with chants of "HO-sey, HO-sey" - and he started moving his butt back-and forth to go along with the chant - good sport. Or the drunk guy was yelling comments at any half decent looking woman who he'd see walking. He saw a girl with an M.R. Ducks t-shirt and yelled "Hey, Mr. Ducks!". A guy with me then responded "Dude, she's like 13!".

The best was wen friends from Philly came down, got drunk, yelled at people to get the wave going (the almost did), swore at the Oriole bird, and tried to buy underage girls beer. A fun time had by all. Listening to the game on the radio the next day, I heard one of the O's announcers make an allusion to our antics :-)

There was also the rain delay at the Vet against the Reds where it was an absolute downpour, but my friend and I saw no reason to leave our seats. Had the whole section to ourselves. Eventually the game even resumed.

[Maple Leafs]

Oddly, my favorite moment also comes from a Syracuse Chiefs game.

This was two summers ago, when Deion Sanders was making his ill-fated attempt at a baseball comeback. He had signed in the Jays system, and was playing with AAA Syracuse when they came to town. Now the Ottawa team doesn't draw very well (they'll move next year), but there was a decent crowd to see Deion. This was also a few days before the deadline when he had to either be called up to MLB or report to the Redskins, where Schottenheimer was waiting to make his life miserable.

Anyways, lots of fans were heckling him, but not very well. It was a lot of "Deion sucks" and "Prime Time sucks", that sort of thing. Well he comes up for his last at-bat, and the place is pretty quiet. All of a sudden, my wife (who knows her sports, but isn't exactly a loudmouth) stands up and yells "Hey look everyone, it's Champ Bailey's backup!"

The place cracks up. Deoin ignored it, but the guy on deck (I think it was Josh Phelps, but I could be wrong) starts laughing and turning away from the plate so Sanders won't see.

Anyways, Deion retired a few days later. I still think it was my wife who put the final nail in the coffin.

[Bee]

Guess I need to go to some Syracuse Chiefs games.

[JonInMiddleGA]

I'm fond of a few of my own lines over the years, Braves games when there were only 3k in the stands were lots of fun.

When Bob Horner's weight was higher than his BA, he was great fun to get after. After he started a game with a long fly ball to the track, I pointed out that he was "just one biscuit shy of a homer". Not a great line but great results -- Horner turned red, the on-deck circle laughed & the crowd picked up the theme. So it worked well as he hit two more fly balls & an infield pop-up for his troubles. And heard biscuit references from throughout the section the rest of the night.

And a personal favorite is "I hear Richmond is lovely this time of year" for Braves that turn out to be more suspect than prospect.

[Fritz]

Originally posted by Maple Leafs
"Hey look everyone, it's Champ Bailey's backup!"

you win

[henry296]

I don't remember what we were saying, but I was in the bleachers at Wrigley and we were taunting Dante Bichette of the Rockies. He was playing along and made a motion like he was counting his money.

Anoother great one is Primadonakov to Russian Hockey players.

Todd

[Hammer755]

This one time, I was sitting in the center field bleachers in Oakland yelling your random evolution taunts in the direction of Carl Everett. Well, he makes a motion like he's calling to a spaceship or digging for fossils or something and got me all riled up. In a logical conclusion to my anger, I winged my cell phone and got him right in the head. I'll be telling my great-grandchildren this story.

[MylesKnight]

"That boy run so good, it make your DICK hard!"


Now that is funny.. People who heard that must've started cracking up.. I know I would have..

QOTM Hall of Fame Nominee!!

[Ben E Lou]

Originally posted by MylesKnight
"That boy run so good, it make your DICK hard!"


Now that is funny.. People who heard that must've started cracking up.. I know I would have..

QOTM Hall of Fame Nominee!!

Myles, I think I laughed the rest of the night. It was said in the PERFECT voice, too, the quintessential old Southern black man voice (probably the only demographic who could say something like that out loud at a high school sporting event and get away with it....) SWMBO had left the game early, so when I went home I told her and she cracked up as well. Later, it was one of those things where we were both laying in bed reading, and every couple of minutes one of us would start giggling about it all over again.

If Thomas ever makes it big-time, I hope this quote will somehow follow him.

[CamEdwards]

Originally posted by SkyDog
Myles, I think I laughed the rest of the night. It was said in the PERFECT voice, too, the quintessential old Southern black man voice (probably the only demographic who could say something like that out loud at a high school sporting event and get away with it....) SWMBO had left the game early, so when I went home and told her and laughed all over again. Later, it was one of those things where we were both laying in bed reading, and every couple of minutes one of us would start giggling about it all over again.

If Thomas ever makes it big-time, I hope this quote will somehow follow him.

I think we need more athletes with nicknames like "Hard-on".

[Fritz]

Originally posted by CamEdwards
I think we need more athletes with nicknames like "Hard-on".

not in martial combat....

[MylesKnight]

I'd like to have heard some of the responses he got from his fellow fans in the stands.. A "Hell Yeah" here, or a "Amen to that" there..

Also someone had to have looked at the guy like he was out of his mind... and maybe even said something as well... "Sit your old ass down, what in the hell is wrong with you?"

Definitely a situation I would've loved to have witnessed.. I'm still laughing over here..

[Easy Mac]

I was sitting down the left field line at a Braves game, and got a "Larry...Laaaarry," chant going towards Chipper. Then some drunk guy yelled at the top of his lungs as we finished "Chipper, your children are calling you." Classic

[Craptacular]

I don't remember what year it was or which team he was on at the time (Angels?), but we were heckling LF Luis Polonia from the bleachers one game at Country Stadium. You may remember Luis as the guy who was convicted of having sex with a youngin' in Milwaukee in 1989. Luis struck out or otherwise looked pathetic in his first couple of at-bats. When he came out the next inning, one heckler yelled to him about how he needed to start hitting better or he'd get sent to the minors. The guy paused for a second or two, then yelled out, "Oh wait, that's right, you love minors!"

Luis gave him a nice behind-the-back flip of the bird. By the end of the game, the (predominantly drunken) fans were bowing to him when he came out to his position, and he even threw a couple of warmup baseballs to us.

[MrBug708]

I was atr a Dodger game a few years ago and they were playing the Reds or Cardinals I believe. Kevin Mitchell was in LF. We all know he isn't fleet footed by any measure. Well, someone hit a double that he missed and I heard the funniest thing, I thought, at a game

Hey Mitchell, if that were a Double Cheeseburger, I'd bet you would have caught it!

I think he later hit a HR In that game, but I'm not too sure

[Franklinnoble]

I remember going to an Orioles game in the early 90's, and when Mark McLemore came up to the plate, the drunken guy in my section (you know - the one with the unbuttoned baseball jersey, hawaiian shorts, and flip flops) yells out... "McLemore... that's a fine Irish name..."

[AgPete]

Once went to a Royals game when Bo Jackson was at the height of his popularity. Those "Bo Knows" commercials were on 24/7. Me and some buds were sitting about four rows back and behind home plate so we were pretty close to the batter especially since it was the old Arlington Stadium. Jackson stepped up to the plate and with the Rangers losing, we all yelled in unison, "Bo dont' know shit!" We got him to look back and give us an evil glare. I think he still got on base though.

[GrantDawg]

Originally posted by JonInMiddleGA
I'm fond of a few of my own lines over the years, Braves games when there were only 3k in the stands were lots of fun.

My biggest memory of those days was the inevitable drunken brawl that would break out somewhere near me every time I went to a game. Ah, the good times at the ballpark.

[bbor]

Buddies and i were at a Buffalo Sabres game.....

Kevin Mcguire(goon...played like 3 minutes a night and spent 10 minutes a night in the penalty box) was playing for them at the time.....we were sitting right above where the players come off thge ice between periods.

As Mcguire comes off the ice...my buddy leans over the rail and yells to mcguire..."hey mcguire gimme your stick.....you don't need it"

Even Mcguire himself gave a smirk as he walked past

[Fritz]

Originally posted by SkyDog

This is the one I posted in another thread. It was said this past fall about Thomas Brown, Tucker High School's stellar tailback:

"That boy run so good, it make your DICK hard!"

Originally posted by GrantDawg
Skydog, I am the one who said that.

[Maple Leafs]

Originally posted by bbor
Kevin Mcguire(goon...played like 3 minutes a night and spent 10 minutes a night in the penalty box)

Did you know Kevin Maguire is now a respected referee? One of those bizarre, useless sports facts.

[cincyreds]

Listening to the late Harry Carey doing a Cubs game way back....

"Did you know that Sandberg spelled backwards is, grebans (grab an ass)"?

I laughed my end off when I heard that.

Too funny!

[Ajaxab]

Not a personal memory, but one taken from a soccer website from a couple of years back. Apparently revered British football players hear this chant often, "There's only one [insert revered player's name]. There's only one [insert name]." A couple of years ago, Glasgow Rangers keeper Andy Goram was having psychological problems. In true nasty style, arch-rival Glasgow Celtic supporters welcomed him to Celtic Park with this chant poking fun at his recent mental troubles, "There's only two Andy Gorams! There's only two Andy Gorams!" That has to be classic.

[Neuqua]

When I went to England this past summer, I just happened to get tickets to the Arsenal home opener, against West Brom I believe.

Arsenal are the premier league champions from last season and so they were having some fun. It was definetly something to listen to a packed stadium sing in unison:

"We won the league, We won the league
We won the league in Manchester - -
We won the league at Old Trafford
We won the league in Manchester!"

Then the entire stadium stopped (apparently it was the end of the song) but there was this one guy sitting a few rows ahead of me who didn't know and blurted out "We won the - - ." My buddy blurted out "You're on your own" to the guy and all whom heard it were laughing like crazy.

Good times...

Neuqua

[WSUCougar]

My MLB experiences began with the Mariners, back in the 1970s (god, that sounds ancient) when they were beyond pathetic and they played in the Kingdome, which was like a cavernous tomb haunted by 6,500 moderately-noisy ghosts at a typical game. As is the case at most under-attended parks, people would migrate to the empty good seats at some point during the game.

Well, this one game me and a friend - I think we were high school age - "migrated" to the first row on the first base line. There we were treated to a Jabba-the-Hut-type figure, who literally must have weighed 400+ pounds, who was basically oozing out over his seat(s), and who had this huge, disgusting mound of chewed peanut shells arrayed around him everywhere. Seriously, he looked like some gluttonous nut-dragon roosting on his treasure horde.

Anyway, the point of this story is what he said. Keep in mind this is the Kingdome, which had this echoing chamber quality to it, and we had a crappy team. Every time a Mariner pitcher gave up a hit or walk, or a Mariner batted and did not get on base, the guy would holler out, "COCK-sucker." Not angrily, not even really insultingly, just loudly. "COCK-sucker."

I'll never forget the scene.

[Ben E Lou]

LOL WSU....That is FUNNY!

[Fidatelo]

Back in the days when the Jets played in Winnipeg I was witness to two seperate incidents that still make me laugh (and hopefully will make you guys laugh too):

1. Oilers v Jets. Everyone hated the Oilers. People were yelling crap at them all game, but the line that stands out in my mind was "Ah MacTavish, you're nothing but a waste of skin!".

2. Another Jets game, not sure of the opponent, we're in the nosebleeds as usual (all we could afford). Of course, in the nosebleeds there are always your drunken boobs yelling out curses that inevitably have parents hurrying their children out of the stands, but during this particular game the drunken man a couple rows down from me was in rare form. He spent the entire game yelling at the ref (it was Kerry Fraser I believe), and as the game went on you could tell he was getting more and more drunk. His comments went from witty to slurred to rude to just plain curses. Then finally, after the final whistle as people are getting up to leave, the guy stands up, raises his beer, and screams out... "aaaaaahhhararharharharhhhhahrhahrhahrahr". Just a huge string of nonsense, it was so frickin' hilarious!

Ah, maybe you had to be there?

[44Niners]

If it was directed towards Fraser it was well deserved - I hate that guy, he' just a prick.

[lcjjdnh]

Funny but so very wrong moment from a high school football game.

Our team had just won the game, so our coach who was up in the booth comes running on to the field. It's pretty much a well known fact/rumor(never actually heard him say it but the football players claim he told them and he does have an adopted child) that he has an impotentcy problem. So when he comes on to the field and raises his hands up, he yells "Get it up" to which one of the kids sitting next to me completes by screaming "because I can't". I'm not sure whether the coach heard but everyone around us started to crack up. It really was a mean thing to say but it was still really funny.

[heybrad]

I think this quote is actually form Major League or some other baseball movie, but when I went to an Angel game with a few friends one night, we had seats by the left field foul pole. Dave Winfield was playing out in left that night. My friend yells out, "Hey Dave, hows your wife and my kids."

[Logan]

I was at Opening Day at Shea Stadium a few weeks ago. You will remember this as the game where Glavine made his debut and couldn't throw the ball over the plate. And when he did, it was crushed. So in the 2nd or 3rd inning, when Glavine threw what was probably the 10th ball in a row, some drunk guy in the row above me yells out:

"It's okay, Tommy. The longer it takes for this game to get to the 7th, the more time there is for us to buy beer."

We were all dying. I'm sure others have heard a comment like this before...

[CAsterling]

30,000 people all chanting.
"You're so fat its unbelievable" to Soccer player Gazza.
The Celery Song being sung whilst 5000 soccer fans waved sticks of celery at the opposing fans.
8,000 Swindon Town fans chanting
"We're so sh*t its unbelivable" as we got relgated.

Opposing fans chanting, "you're going down" to Swindon fans as we got relgated again and the 5000 Swindon fans responding with "We're sh*t and we're going down again"

(Trust me the chants sound better in a huge crowd)

8000 soccer fans chanting, 'Maggie Thatchers Black and White Army' as the Cops charged the stands to arrest somebody.

Great memories of soccer games

[The_herd]

A friend of mine and I were at a Dupont High School Baseball game when Randy Moss played there (we had been giving him shit all game), and Moss comes to bat. He ends up crushing one right down the line, but is thrown out at third. It was at Dupont so it got pretty quiet, then my friend stands up about 3 rows back and yells, "Where the hell is that world class speed at?", and then Moss proceeded to flip him off on his way back to the dug out.

[henry296]

My senior year in high school, my high school played Dante Calabria's high school in the playoffs at Duquense University. If you remembe Dante played at UNC. This was the year after he graduated. We went up on them by like 10 in the first half. We started "You need Dante" chant. Needless to say, they came back and kicked our team's butt.

[Ben E Lou]

Bumping this....we've got a lot of new folks...

[Noop]

Wow I thought Myles was back...

[mattwakeman]

Another UK football one. Aston Villa had a good player called Paul Mcgrath who was know for having some trouble with alcohol and discipline. Villa go away to play someone in the FA Cup and just before the game McGrath disappears. All of the opposition fans sing to the Villa fans 'Where's your Mcgrath gone etc' Villa fans sing back 'We don't know'.

Another local footy team sold their star central striker who has very ginger hair. First game after that opposition fans all sing 'where's you ginger twat gone?' to which the home manager (who yes, also has ginger hair) jumps out of the dugout and gave the away fans a big wave! Gotta love someone who can laugh at themselves.

[Karim]

I was at a Flames game and the Saddledome is notorious for being quiet. Anyway, it wasn't one particular line but there was a girl, maybe 8 years old, sitting behind our row. You have to picture the entire section being pretty quiet EXCEPT for this little girl who could be heard sections over. She'd be yelling "Go Flames Go" or "Over Here" when prizes were handed out and she drained out everybody. She even picked up on the refs' name, Mick McGough (sp?). I'll never forget I looked over once and just as an older guy who sat right in front of her was bringing coffee to his lips she yelled out with ferosity, "McGoooooooo!" Poor guy almost had a heart attack.

[judicial clerk]

NFC Championship game between the 49ers and Cowboys at Candlestick. Guy about twenty years old in full cowboy gear is sitting one row in front of me and a couple of seats over. The rest of the section is drunk 49er season ticket holders (this one big somoan guy would occasionally buys beers for his entire row).

In the fourth quarter the 49ers score to pull within a touchdown of the Cowboys. On the next possession, however, Aikman hits Alvin Harper for about sixty yards. Nedless to say, everybody in the stands is pissed. Then the guy in the cowboy gear starts to pack up his stuff and leave. I ask him where he is going and he says, "If the cowboys end up losing this game for some reason I don't want to be here. And if the Cowboys hold on and win this game... I don't want to be here"

[Ksyrup]

This isn't really something anyone said at a game, but I remember going to a Marlins game a few years back, and there was this one guy sitting by himself who, at least 10 times, stood up, clapped loudly, and yelled encouragement to no one in particular, at the strangest times - during a visit to the mound, while the pitcher was warming up in between innings, after ball 3 to a batter, etc. And, he was talking to himself the entire game. I couldn't tell if he had mental issues or was listening and cheering to a completely different game. It was odd, to say the least.

[Poli]

When I was 15 my younger brother (he was 13) and I went to Brightwell Park in Bonne Terre to watch the varsity Raiders baseball team play well...somebody.

We sat in the first row behind home plate, and there probably wasn't a whole 50 people at the game excluding players, coaches, and such.

The poor fool playing catcher for the visiting team just couldn't catch the baseball for some reason. Darn near every pitch went into the dirt, or worse yet, screaming past the catcher and umpire hitting the backstop.

After about an inning or two of this, my brother started getting a little antzy.

Every pitch he missed or dropped my brother would say a little something. When the ball went to the backstop, that poor catcher would trot back there and my brother would just laying it on him. A little 13 year old boy talking crapt. He probably wasn't 10 feet away from us at times.

About the fourth inning, though, I think the umpire had had enough.

There was a pitch that everyone thought the catcher was going to make, instead, the pitch came sizzling, untouched to the backstop. The umpire jumped out of the way and, BAM! right into the backstop.

My brother jumped up and said, "That's it! I'm going in! I've had enought of this guy!" Everyone around started laughing.

The umpire walked to the backstop and said, "Son, the only place you're going is home if you don't shut your mouth."

I think we left of our own accord shortly thereafter. No need to get thrown out of a high school baseball game.

[grdawg]

I was at at Yankee stadium probably like 2 or 3 yrs ago, the Yanks were playing the Oakland A's. There was a guy next to me, probably in his late 20s, that was just berating Frank Menechino the entire night. I mean come on Frank Menechino?, not exactly a superstar. He would just go on and on, Franky Menenchino you bleeping bleep, the entire game, I can't remember alot of the specifics, but some of what he said was just hysterical, I was cracking up the entire game. I think the fact that he's berating Franky for the entire game is hysterical in its own right.

[Ksyrup]

Originally posted by grdawg
I was at at Yankee stadium probably like 2 or 3 yrs ago, the Yanks were playing the Oakland A's. There was a guy next to me, probably in his late 20s, that was just berating Frank Menechino the entire night. I mean come on Frank Menechino?, not exactly a superstar. He would just go on and on, Franky Menenchino you bleeping bleep, the entire game, I can't remember alot of the specifics, but some of what he said was just hysterical, I was cracking up the entire game. I think the fact that he's berating Franky for the entire game is hysterical in its own right.

It's even funnier when it happens during a spring training game to a guy with a uniform number of a defensive lineman.