I just pulled a page out of the Mike Judge Book of Advancement

[Julio Riddols]

It's really the best day I've had in a while today.. Considering I'm an uneducated 22 year old..

Maybe I should explain. There was a movie called Office Space.. (Don't know if you all have heard of it) But anyway, in this movie, the guy gets a promotion for not working. And you might be saying.. "What does it all mean, Basil?" I'll tell you.

Today, I pulled the same move! (Or something similar, anyway.) Bear with me - I'm not an english major, but I'll try and explain what happened.

I had injured my knee a month or so ago working for good old Sam Walton, making about 9 dollars an hour, pulling heavy ass pallets of freight to the floor. Me being 5'10", 145 pounds, this was not an easy task. So, I wind up with a case of arthritis and bone spurs in my right knee. Anyway, weeks later, after doctor visits and a pile of workmans comp paperwork, I call the store to see if they have any other positions open for me. WELL.. Here's where it gets interesting. I find out I had been terminated for 3 days in a row of not coming in. I, naturally, wonder what the fuck happened. They say they never got any paperwork from me on my knee being hurt, and that they had no choice but to fire me for 3 days of being absent.

So today, after coaxing the big boss man into a meeting with me to discuss the situation, he offers me a better, higher paying position. I'll be making 10.00 an hour now, doing a job that I would much rather be doing.

So, I know its not the exact same, but come on..

Has anyone else done this?

I feel like getting super drunk and celebrating my ass off tonight with a bunch of teenage girls.. (dressed like whores, I might add)

Oh, wait.. I AM celebrating with a bunch of teenage girls dressed like (upper-class) whores tonight.

FUCK YEAH!

[Senator]

upper class whores?

They have categories?

[Ksyrup]

I got my first job out of law school when the general counsel for the agency I was working for refused to hire the another candidate simply because he didn't like the way he dressed. The 5 attorney "section leaders" took a vote, 3-2 in his favor, and when the general counsel found out the outcome, he told them to vote again. So I got the job by default.

Best part was, the GC didn't even know who I was. I happened to run into him a week later at the grocery store, and he had that blank expression on his face, so I introduced myself to save him the embarrassment.

It was the least I could do, seeing as though he got me the job and everything...

[mrskippy]

You got the job, because they knew they were in the wrong and that if they just let it slide you could sue them. And well, that wouldn't be good for them. So they rehire you, give you a better job, and bump up your pay.

[Franklinnoble]

When are you going to embrace your lifelong dream of creating a "jump to conclusions" mat?

[thesloppy]

During my recent internment in the silicon valley, I was hired to do SQA (Software Quality Assurance, the most boring job in the world) for a start-up web store while things were still semi-ok in the .com world. Eventually, it dawned on me that the place was going nowhere fast, and I began to come in late and leave early rather that the other way around, as I had when I started.

Eventually the joint shut down, and I resigned myself to sitting on my butt for awhile, but a few weeks later my former VP of develeopment gave me a ring and said he was looking for someone to build up the QA side of a new company he had just started working for. I came in and interviewed and said I had several other offers even though I had been too lazy to interview anywhere else in the interim, and he offered me a position at a $20K raise over my previous wage. Eventually it became clear to me that this company was going to sink in record time, so I began showing up at noon, and when the end was obvious I just stopped coming in at all. I think I at least claimed to be sick or something, but I just knew there was no funding coming, and I didn't want to be the proverbial last guy in the arcade when they turn the games off.

A few weeks after my former-former VP calls me again, and I was expecting to get reamed out, but he just wants to check in on my health.....and offer me another job. This time, it's a contract gig, starting a web app from scratch, and he offers me another raise of $20K. During this contract, I am working for some non-tech people, and it becomes very clear that they haven't dealt with software dev before, so they have absolutely no understading or patience for QA....who needs software tested, right? I grow tired of constantly having to explain who I am and what I'm doing, and the phase out my VP in a shady manner, leaving me feeling paranoid, so suddenly I don't make it in much before 2pm, and when I do make it in, I spend the majority of my time downloading copyrighted material. Eventually, my contract runs out, and they have me sign a new one, but never get it back to me, or sign it themselves, so I'm shifting in the winds for a couple months, and I stop coming in at all. During the next couple months, I showed up occassionally when I got bored, always to surprised faces, but never to any sort of admonishment.

After some time I decided 'screw this, the valley sucks, and I'm heading back to Oregon'. Well, upon my return home is perhaps where kharma, and a 10% unemployment rate, caught up with me, as I've been sitting on my but for a few months now, and finding a job in the computer industry is like winning the lottery. Maybe I can get my former-former-former VP of Dev to move up here and hook me back up to the gravy train....

[Cringer]

wait wait wait......more about these teenage whores please?

[Julio Riddols]

I consider myself lucky to have a job in my town, because the unemployment rate is 30% here. So its pretty damn bad..

Good stories, Ksyrup and TheSloppy.. I never knew getting fired could be so uplifting.. Also, MrSkippy, I think youre probably right, but who wants to pick nits? Its cool...

Yes, whores do have "categories" though.. I thought you guys knew! You could easily distinguish Amsterdam from Phoenix to see what I mean. You have your under/overage, uneducated whores with bad teeth and VD, then there are the middle range whores who are really just glorified prostitutes who are found in low rate porn.. and then there are the lower-tier top notch whores who are either very expensive and relatively pretty, or work at the bunny ranch in Vegas.. And then, you have the Top-tier, upper class, being mostly girls you know who are a little bit wild.. And even wilder when theyre drunk. They tend to be very good looking and underage. (The above was taken from the Hugh Grant book, "Get your 10,000 Dollars Worth: My Guide to Whores the World Over" )

I Call them experimental whores.. Nothing demeaning really, because I as a man am more of a whore (in theory).. But to me, well.. Many girls I know are 40 ounces away from this class, and will willingly drink their way into it. Plus they are the type you don't have to be drunk to appreciate. IYKWIM..

Anyway, I'm on my way out in a few hours or so, and I'll let you all know how it goes. Tonight I dine on a plate of fresh start with a glass of feelin' good about things.

[condors]

i was working and was told wages are frozen (2 years in a row) while some people got raises non management people didn't so i went to work at a rival company down the block a few months later i went back to work for them for almost double my salary 18k vs 35k i had to turn them down a couple times before they finally gave me an offer i couldn't refuse, and the day i left i hoped i never saw anyone from that stinking place again :)

[Tekneek]

Originally posted by thesloppy
Maybe I can get my former-former-former VP of Dev to move up here and hook me back up to the gravy train....

Great story. Sounds like a cool life, though. I've never had anything quite that exciting happen for me. It has for a good friend of mine. Now he is unemployed, but made enough money during his rise to glory that he could take a few years off and not feel the pinch.

[Tekneek]

Originally posted by condors
a few months later i went back to work for them for almost double my salary 18k vs 35k i had to turn them down a couple times before they finally gave me an offer i couldn't refuse, and the day i left i hoped i never saw anyone from that stinking place again :)

What were you doing, and what are you doing now?

I just got the lowest raise I have received in about 3 years (been working for my current employer for 4.5 years now). I suppose I should be thankful I have a job, eh? Still, I was hoping to jump the $50k salary barrier this time. One day this will all come crashing down and I'll have some horrible job.

[cuervo72]

Originally posted by Cringer
wait wait wait......more about these teenage whores please?

For reference... (http://dynamic2.gamespy.com/~fof/forums/showthread.php?s=&postid=202943#post202943)

Julio, just don't go buying any $250 outfits :)

[Julio Riddols]

You mean those ones with a name on them that look like the ones from wal-mart? I'm too blue collar for the gap, and too high and mighty for K-Mart.. And I don't have to treat these girls.. In fact, they usually supply the alcohol money.. Not that I make them, but if they offer, who would I be to decline? I'm the only one who can give them what they need anyway.

The teenage upper class whores were very well worth the night of excess and subsequent hangover I have.. My stomach feels like killing me after so many shots of Grey Goose and glasses of Baileys..

(edited so that I could get with the times..)

[condors]

i worked as a psedo programmer in data processing

i would take information that was not in a correct format and get it into correct format

3 years later they downsized me

[Swaggs]

Originally posted by condors
i was working and was told wages are frozen (2 years in a row) while some people got raises non management people didn't so i went to work at a rival company down the block a few months later i went back to work for them for almost double my salary 18k vs 35k i had to turn them down a couple times before they finally gave me an offer i couldn't refuse, and the day i left i hoped i never saw anyone from that stinking place again :)

This an impressive sentence. :)