View Full Version : She has a boyfriend....
samifan24
03-04-2004, 11:21 PM
As easy as it sounds: she has a boyfriend. Should I even bother? (I expect solid QotM material from you all ;) )
Vince
03-04-2004, 11:27 PM
I enjoy having friends of the female nature...you never know what could happen in the future.
That being said...forget about her as datable. She's done with. If you don't, hoping and wishing is a bad thing...and it can't be good for any potential friendship.
do you know the boyfriend?
stevew
03-04-2004, 11:42 PM
Man, if you care that she has a boyfriend, you have no chance dude. He is irrelevant to the situation. Don't be a "friend." Respect the cock... and tame the cunt. Tame it.
korme
03-04-2004, 11:43 PM
hit it, quit it, and keep it quiet
samifan24
03-04-2004, 11:43 PM
do you know the boyfriend?
No, not really. I know of him, but I've never really talked to him much.
Draft Dodger
03-04-2004, 11:44 PM
hit it, quit it, and keep it quiet
sure, now you can say that now that you can do it legally
stevew
03-04-2004, 11:46 PM
Hire a PI team to investigate her boyfriend. Make a fake video tape of a guy that looks like him, doing some girl in the park or something. Show it to the girl. "I dont know how to tell you this, but......."
BishopMVP
03-04-2004, 11:56 PM
If she cheats with you, she'll cheat on you.
If you just want to hit it, it's up to you and your morals, just don't expect a good long-term relationship.
stevew
03-05-2004, 12:08 AM
5 simple questions
How hot is she in a 1-10 scale?
How Old is everyone involved?
Is it worth it to you maybe feel bad about doing some bad stuff to insure she loses that boyfriend?
Do you think you are in her league?
How big is her Boyfriend?
ISiddiqui
03-05-2004, 12:21 AM
Kill the boyfriend, hide his body in a ditch somewhere and blame it on the town bully ;).
sabotai
03-05-2004, 12:25 AM
If she cheats with you, she'll cheat on you.
^^^^^^^^
Happened to a friend of mine. Ignored my warnings. If you have a girl who cheated on someone to be with you, chances are she'll end up cheating on you. Now if she's hot, and it's clear that it's a fling, and there's no chance of her boyfriend finding out then go for it. (And if you can easily take the boyfriend, then don't care about if he finds out or not)
sterlingice
03-05-2004, 12:28 AM
If she cheats with you, she'll cheat on you.
If you just want to hit it, it's up to you and your morals, just don't expect a good long-term relationship.
Saw a complicated one of these situations when I was working. A guy I knew was engaged but cheating on the side with another girl. They broke off the engagement after like a year. Then the cheating girl and the guy were fooling around but the girl didn't think the guy would ever cheat on her. But, of course, he did. Usually the girl is much better at fooling herself, tho. Guys seem to get paranoid because they figure that if they do it then someone else is out there trying to do it to them.
If she's got a boyfriend and he's not being bad to her (abuse, cheating, whatever) just don't even think about it. And if he is being bad to her, drive the wedge between them for her own good. If you want to try and catch her on the rebound, that's your business.
SI
JeeberD
03-05-2004, 12:48 AM
Where the hell is Easy? This sort of thread is his specialty...
Samdari
03-05-2004, 07:03 AM
Met my wife because she was the girlfriend of one who was a close friend of mine at the time. Its never over.
Balldog
03-05-2004, 07:43 AM
Sounds kind of like my situation to some extent, well minus the boyfriend. I have decided to go the friendship route, it is kind of stressful though. A lot of women want to be with their best friend so who knows.
We got drunk and fooled around a couple months ago, she said some stuff that made me feel she might feel the same way about me. It really messed with my head because in the past I had confessed to her about the way I feel and got shot down. Basically I told her I can not maintain a "just friends" relationship with her and didn't talk to her again for six months then she contacted me.
Now we have not hung out for about a month because we have both been pretty busy. We are hoping to work something out where we can hangout next week, then this summer we are planning on going to a Tigers' or Reds' game together.
I've decided I am going to just keep hanging in there because I have been on a few dates recently and I just feel like I am wasting my time with them. The one date I was just like I wish that was her over there instead the whole damn date.
samifan24
03-05-2004, 09:07 AM
To be serious here for a second, I think the friend route is do-or-die. If you get too close then you'll always be "just friends" but you want to have something in case she'll never want to be with you in the first place. See, I know this, so this sort of adds to my dilemma. Obviously I'd rather have something over nothing, but I'd like to date the girl more than that. When it all comes down to it something is better than nothing, hence my hesitation.
PS- I agree with the "cheats with you, cheats on you" mentality. It happened to a good friend of mine so I wouldn't want to go that route.
QuikSand
03-05-2004, 09:14 AM
Make a point to strike up a dashing, interesting conversation with her some time -- with whatever skills you might have that might make her attracted to you. Then drop it completely - no follow up, no friendship, nothing. Don't get involved with her current relationship, don't be a prick.
If you're strong enough to leave a mark, she'll remember you. And if you show some class along the way, she'll remember you even more.
Celeval
03-05-2004, 09:20 AM
Echoing QS - make a good impression, appear datable but not stalkerish, and wait for her relationship to end. If she's worth waiting for, that is. If she's not, then why are we having the discussion? :-)
JasonC23
03-05-2004, 09:43 AM
Met my wife because she was the girlfriend of one who was a close friend of mine at the time. Its never over.
Sounds like my story. I met my wife in high school when her boyfriend introduced us. Then, in college, she finally figured out what a complete and utter ass he was. We kept in touch (just as friends) the whole time. After she graduated, we started dating. The rest is history.
Balldog
03-05-2004, 10:35 AM
If you're strong enough to leave a mark, she'll remember you. And if you show some class along the way, she'll remember you even more.
This is basically what I have been trying as well. Open doors for her, take her coat for her, offer to get/buy her a drink, etc. This can all be done without getting to "romantic".
With her having a boyfriend your time with her is probably going to be limited so make the most of it by treating her like a "princess".
rkmsuf
03-05-2004, 10:36 AM
This is basically what I have been trying as well. Open doors for her, take her coat for her, offer to get/buy her a drink, etc. This can all be done without getting to "romantic".
With her having a boyfriend your time with her is probably going to be limited so make the most of it by treating her like a "princess".
Ah, the classic bait and switch...
MrBug708
03-05-2004, 10:40 AM
:rolleyes: I'm the ultamite friend
Buzzbee
03-05-2004, 11:02 AM
If she swallows, go for it!
Franklinnoble
03-05-2004, 11:04 AM
The ladies' man recommends you try doing it in the butt.
KevinNU7
03-05-2004, 11:06 AM
If she cheats with you, she'll cheat on you.
If you just want to hit it, it's up to you and your morals, just don't expect a good long-term relationship.Soooo true
rkmsuf
03-05-2004, 11:07 AM
Yessth, I suhggest for find for yourself a sweet bus station skank.
Next caller...
Shepp
03-05-2004, 11:25 AM
If she was interested in you, her having a boyfriend already is inconsequential. If she just wants to hook up for some cheap sex... all the better.
Easy Mac
03-05-2004, 12:10 PM
Start with 2 fingers instead of 1, she'll respect you more.
WussGawd
03-05-2004, 02:21 PM
Hmm. What a shockingly bunch of bad advice for the most part in this thread. Must be a male dominated sports board. :)
The fact that she has a boyfriend, as someone else said here, isn't all that material, unless this boyfriend is someone you care about (a buddy for example, a relative, etc).
I'm assuming she's at least given you some signals, or you wouldn't be wondering whether you should or shouldn't approach her.
Some questions to ask yourself:
Does she talk openly and often to *you* about her boyfriend? If so, sometimes this can be a defense mechanism, not a true indication of how she really feels about him. In my experience, women who are truly happy in a relationship don't generally talk about their love life all that much to men.
Do you have any mutual female friends? Sometimes a safe, non-confrontational way to test the signals is to ask the friend how her relationship is with the boyfriend and whether she's interested in you. Trust me, if she's got a good friend, the friend probably knows all there is to know about the relationship.
Finally, I'll relate to you my own experience. In July '85, the woman who would become my wife started at the place I worked at. I met her the first day she was there, and was pretty smitten. A couple of days later, I finagled my way into going to lunch with her. I discovered then that she had a boyfriend, one of over a year, and she talked about him endlessly.
Needless to say, I was pretty well crushed, but she kept paying attention to me. I still heard about the boyfriend for a while (we talked every day we both worked) but it began to ring kind of hollow. Finally, after about 3 weeks, I talked to one of the women she worked a little closer to. This woman told me point blank that she had a feeling that SWWBMG (She who would be Mrs. Gawd) had a crush on me. Anyway, about a week later, I found out she'd dumped the boyfriend, and asked her out in early August. By December, we were engaged, by May of the following year, married. That was 18 years ago. So you never know where it can lead.
I've seen this story repeat itself with a couple of people I know in recent years, which has pretty much led me to a theory. The more a woman talks to a guy she likes about her boyfriend, fiance, spouse, whatever, the more she's actually just trying to deny she has feelings for somebody other than the boyfriend.
Desnudo
03-05-2004, 02:23 PM
As easy as it sounds: she has a boyfriend. Should I even bother? (I expect solid QotM material from you all ;) )
I said give it up, but does this involve the offer to be the third party for a night of crazy sex or does it involve being the "break glass in case of emergency" guy. If the latter give it up, it almost never works. If the former, then tally ho!
Also, you should add a second poll: "Should I be asking for love advice from a completely male sports simulation Internet message board?"
The Afoci
03-05-2004, 02:25 PM
I say go after him.
Franklinnoble
03-05-2004, 02:35 PM
I say go after him.
Or maybe a threesome... that's one way to keep everyone happy.
The Afoci
03-05-2004, 02:36 PM
Or maybe a threesome... that's one way to keep everyone happy.
Except the one in the middle.
rkmsuf
03-05-2004, 02:36 PM
Or maybe a threesome... that's one way to keep everyone happy.
Uh yeah...2 guys and a girl...pass...
It's a classic query, one that even Zē isn't immune to. I recently met an amazing girl, the first girl in years to give me romantic feelings inside rather than just sexual urges. Since nothing in life is easy, she is in a 2 year relationship with some jackass that I've never met (by jackass, I mean not me).
My personality clicked with her faster than anyone I've ever met, and I've made a point to get to know her better in a sly flirting way (my feelings are about as open and obvious as they could be without a sign that says "take me I'm yours"). After hearing how great Valentine's Day was for her for about 2 weeks, I resigned myself to failure. However, the other night she came over for a cocktail at midnight and we ended up staying up and talking until sunrise. Now, of course, I've fallen even further for her.
I've had girlfriends cheat on me before, and mercilessly criticized them for being dirty whores. As such, I can't seem to bring myself to be the asshole bastard to make her unhappy and break up her relationship, regardless of how happy she would undoubtedly be with me (I mean, how many guys have an exponent in their name?) I've grown to like her, and even if it hurts my chances, I can't do anything overtly prickish that would hurt her. I'm a sap like that. But in the long run, I'm confident she'll see the light.
As for advice after that unnecessarily long narrative, befriend her and wait it out. If you truly care for her, you can't mess things up for her. She'll eventually see the light, and if not, then it wasn't meant to be. And if you don't agree wiht me, you are clearly a communist sympathizer,
Balldog
03-05-2004, 02:51 PM
Uh yeah...2 guys and a girl...pass...
Thats not a threesome thats a NOsome.
The Afoci
03-05-2004, 02:53 PM
Uh yeah...2 guys and a girl...pass...
Thats not a threesome thats a NOsome.
Well, I guess we all know who has small weiners.
rkmsuf
03-05-2004, 02:54 PM
Well, I guess we all know who has small weiners.
I take my small weiner anyday faced with the option of experiening anyone else's abnormally large one...
The Afoci
03-05-2004, 02:55 PM
I take my small weiner anyday faced with the option of experiening anyone else's abnormally large one...
That would be an ackward experience. Being the third wheel in a threesome, because your equipment isn't upto par.
rkmsuf
03-05-2004, 02:57 PM
That would be an ackward experience. Being the third wheel in a threesome, because your equipment isn't upto par.
When there's more than one person in the bed rest assured I hold the only lightsabre...
The Afoci
03-05-2004, 02:58 PM
When there's more than one person in the bed rest assured I hold the only lightsabre...
But when she wakes up, you better be ready to run.
rkmsuf
03-05-2004, 02:59 PM
But when she wakes up, you better be ready to run.
That's ok, by that time my job is done...at least from my perspective.
The Afoci
03-05-2004, 03:04 PM
That's ok, by that time my job is done...at least from my perspective.
As long as your happy. I hate having to rush. A bowling pin ensures I can take my time.
rkmsuf
03-05-2004, 03:05 PM
As long as your happy. I hate having to rush. A bowling pin ensures I can take my time.
I have girth...
The Afoci
03-05-2004, 03:05 PM
I have girth...
The bowling pin was to knock her out.
rkmsuf
03-05-2004, 03:06 PM
The bowling pin was to knock her out.
I know...I just like saying that...
tucker342
03-05-2004, 03:11 PM
I enjoy having friends of the female nature...you never know what could happen in the future.
That being said...forget about her as datable. She's done with. If you don't, hoping and wishing is a bad thing...and it can't be good for any potential friendship.
I agree
I pretty much think of girls who have boyfriends as off limits. Get to know her, and when they break up advance the friendship a little:D
Desnudo
03-05-2004, 03:16 PM
Prior friendship equals death to your long term chances. Circle like a shark, avoiding all contact, until the relationship ends. Then close in for the kill! Or else send the Afoci with his bowling pin in.
Franklinnoble
03-05-2004, 03:19 PM
Classic threadjack... well done.
Desnudo
03-05-2004, 03:26 PM
I plead ignorance of FOFC Law. How is that a threadjack?
rkmsuf
03-05-2004, 03:27 PM
I plead ignorance of FOFC Law. How is that a threadjack?
Instead of advice we've shifted to talk of threesomes, small weiners and bowling pins upside the head...
Desnudo
03-05-2004, 03:29 PM
I think they are all factors in what he decides to do with this girl though.
This is why we can't have nice things.
The Afoci
03-05-2004, 03:50 PM
Classic threadjack... well done.
Thanks. It has been a while. :)
There's two ways of thinking about this, depending on what type of person you are and how much you feel for the gal.
1. The Good Guy approach- Like many others have said, make it a point to make yourself known and then let whatever happens happen. I don't know if it's on DVD yet, but rent "Love Actually", (<- I just plugged a chick flick) there's a nice scene where there is played out nicely......
2. The "Good Guy" approach- Become her friend, become her good friend. Point out what a great guy you are, while making her current boyfriend not seem so great. The line "you could do so much better than him" works great. When she starts to open up about her relationship, make sure to point out that.... "she deserves much better" and such. Work from there, because when they start having doubts it's all downhill (or uphill) from there. Also, if you have a mutual friend it works wonders, get that friend on your side.....
The second option is the dickhead thing to do, but chances are if you can put those doubts in her head, he's not that great of a guy....
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