Fundies For Purity: A Holy War On Masturbation

[Honolulu_Blue]

My girlfriend found links to these on an atheist board she posts on. This is some funny stuff. Sad, but funny.

Given the number of threads and posts, this is a constant battle for these people. Typically I don't like to mock people's internal religious struggels (each to his own and all), but this stuff... It's crazy and I just can't take it seriously. Some of these people actually think Satan is in their computer making them look at porn. Try that one next time, lads...

They are so concerned about being "tempted" that they wont even say the words P... or M............

Well, if I got as excited as some of these folks did by watching a shampoo commercial, I reckon I'd be struggling too.

hxxp://www.rr-bb.com/showthread.php?t=103877

hxxp://www.rr-bb.com/showthread.php?t=111866

hxxp://www.rr-bb.com/showthread.php?t=123358

Edit: P.S. This aint satire...

[SirFozzie]

Hey, Blue? Same as This one? (http://dynamic2.gamespy.com/~fof/forums/showthread.php?t=26870) :)

[LionsFan10]

People are just, plain, weird.

[Ksyrup]

You know how we all have dream matchups we'd like to see in sports? Well, I would give anything for a chat session transcript between one of those people and the rhinoceros/robe and wizard's hat guy.

[sabotai]

Ksyrup, so true. I'm feeling tempted (by Satan?) to go on that forum and start messing with those people...

[BucDawg40]

You people aren't being pro-Christian enough. I suggest bannings for each of you!

[Airhog]

I remember seeing this comic on Comedy Central. He said that he belived you came back to earth to pay for your sins committed. So say a mafia killer, would have to live 6 lives as a nun in order to pay the debt. Furthermore he says that masterbation would probably be worth say 1 cent. I guess I owe god 40 bucks.

[MrBug708]

Even though I can see how people would find it funny, it's a bad can of worms that isn't as "sad" as you would think

[Draft Dodger]

"well as for me. satan just tried to trick me again. I went online ot play a shockwave game and I found out that the gaming site I was on had a link to the porn site I visited the other day."

I have no words.

[Leonidas]

Furthermore he says that masterbation would probably be worth say 1 cent. I guess I owe god 40 bucks.

If you pay a hooker $50 for a 1 cent handjob, do you get a refund?

[Blackadar]

What a site. Funny, in a sad sort of way. Just some of the quotes in one of the 3 threads...I don't have the patience to read the other two.

---------------------------------
"satan just tried to trick me again. I went online ot play a shockwave game and I found out that the gaming site I was on had a link to the porn site I visited the other day."

"i knew satan would try to tempt me to visit the porn site again"

"The enemy is working overtime on me tho as I work in retail and it seems that everytime I turn around there is a scantily-clad, attractive woman that needs help from me."

"since my xH is trying to get my daughter away from me (he calls me a fanatic), I began feeling self-hatred and depression and the thoughts were horrific...And I fell big time into porn. The thing is I had not been tempted in this area but last night was a trap by satan...and I bit it."
-----------------------------------------

*shakes head and walks away*

[MrBug708]

Maybe because I grew up in a household that thought that way, but I can't seem to figure out the funny part....

[Noop]

Man when times get rough you have to beat your lil guy like he owns you money...

*rimshot*

[Noop]

Maybe because I grew up in a household that thought that way, but I can't seem to figure out the funny part....
So you never shook hands with ya pal downstairs?

[Airhog]

Man when times get rough you have to beat your lil guy like he owns you money...

*rimshot*
Just the other day he tried to file assault charges against me :eek:

[Cuckoo]

What a site. Funny, in a sad sort of way. Just some of the quotes in one of the 3 threads...I don't have the patience to read the other two.

---------------------------------
"satan just tried to trick me again. I went online ot play a shockwave game and I found out that the gaming site I was on had a link to the porn site I visited the other day."

"i knew satan would try to tempt me to visit the porn site again"

"The enemy is working overtime on me tho as I work in retail and it seems that everytime I turn around there is a scantily-clad, attractive woman that needs help from me."

"since my xH is trying to get my daughter away from me (he calls me a fanatic), I began feeling self-hatred and depression and the thoughts were horrific...And I fell big time into porn. The thing is I had not been tempted in this area but last night was a trap by satan...and I bit it."
-----------------------------------------

*shakes head and walks away*

I haven't looked over this site, but you should know that a great many Christians do believe that Satan utilizes temptation in order to turn us away from God. I don't think that notion is anything to shake your head at.

[yabanci]

Those links contain some of the most bizarre and funny shit I've ever read.

[MrBug708]

I haven't looked over this site, but you should know that a great many Christians do believe that Satan utilizes temptation in order to turn us away from God. I don't think that notion is anything to shake your head at.


*nods*

[MrBug708]

So you never shook hands with ya pal downstairs?


I wasn't talking about the subject, I was talking about people making fun of a certain, popular belief....

[BucDawg40]

"The enemy is working overtime on me tho as I work in retail and it seems that everytime I turn around there is a scantily-clad, attractive woman that needs help from me."


So are those real women, with real lives of their own and free will? Or, as this man seems to think, are they just robots sent by Satan to torment him? I want an investigation, STAT!

[sabotai]

"The enemy is working overtime on me tho as I work in retail and it seems that everytime I turn around there is a scantily-clad, attractive woman that needs help from me."

I need to find out where that guy works!!

[Axxon]

I remember seeing this comic on Comedy Central. He said that he belived you came back to earth to pay for your sins committed. So say a mafia killer, would have to live 6 lives as a nun in order to pay the debt. Furthermore he says that masterbation would probably be worth say 1 cent. I guess I owe god 40 bucks.

I don't know who this is but if it isn't Father Guido Sarducci then he's stealing his material.

The "Vitum Est Laborum" ( Life's a Job ) skit was classic. It's a little different as we get money for being here and when we die, we "pay for our sins." The masterbation line ( price at .35 - .40 cents ) is the closer and he ends with "hey, for some people it adds up" and then he talks about a dream he has where he's at the gates of heaven and he's .35 cents short.

[Ksyrup]

I need to find out where that guy works!!
Probably Victoria's Secret.

[Blackadar]

I haven't looked over this site, but you should know that a great many Christians do believe that Satan utilizes temptation in order to turn us away from God. I don't think that notion is anything to shake your head at.

I'm not trying to insult anyone, but what I was mostly shaking my head at is:

1. It seems that there's a lack of personal responsibility among the posts. "The Devil made me do it" and the like. You surf the porn or spank the monkey or you didn't.

It's like the old Church lady skits from SNL..."could it be...Satan?"

2. One woman posts "since my xH is trying to get my daughter away from me (he calls me a fanatic)...". You know what? Her ex is probably right! I wonder if her beliefs had anything to do with the breakup of her marriage. Anything taken to this extreme is not good.

3. Finally, I don't believe in Satan as a demonic, tempting force. Any God that is just, fair and good would never forsake anyone to eternal torment. I think that Hell is the absense of God, not a counter-force of the "Devil".

[Cuckoo]

I'm not trying to insult anyone, but what I was mostly shaking my head at is:

1. It seems that there's a lack of personal responsibility among the posts. "The Devil made me do it" and the like. You surf the porn or spank the monkey or you didn't.

Agreed. There is a tendency by religious people to avoid responsibility by crediting the power of the Devil. For those that believe in God, you know that the Devil has already been beaten, and that he is desperate. While the Devil is certainly still very powerful, our free will is much more so and should never be ignored.



It's like the old Church lady skits from SNL..."could it be...Satan?"


:D



2. One woman posts "since my xH is trying to get my daughter away from me (he calls me a fanatic)...". You know what? Her ex is probably right! I wonder if her beliefs had anything to do with the breakup of her marriage. Anything taken to this extreme is not good.

Like I said, I haven't read any of those threads, but I have known my share of nutso Christians in my day. I suspect there are a number of them posting there. I just wanted to make that point that the notion of the Devil using temptation to turn us against God is not extreme in any sense. The extent to which some of those people (like the Church lady) point out that notion can be really funny and a little bit sad.



3. Finally, I don't believe in Satan as a demonic, tempting force. Any God that is just, fair and good would never forsake anyone to eternal torment. I think that Hell is the absense of God, not a counter-force of the "Devil".

This is the only thing I'd really disagree with you here. For the majority of those who believe in the Christian God, the Devil is very real. Even God believes in him. Of course I'm not saying that you can't believe what you choose by any means, just offering up my opinion on the matter.

[ISiddiqui]

I'll also shake my head in disgust... as I agree with Blackadar. These individuals lack personal responsibility (part of free will, isn't it?) and blame everything on the Devil. Well, IIRC, the devil can't make you do something, only tempt you. If you do it then it is YOUR fault, not the devil's. Besides, masturbation is good! It prevents prostate cancer for one ;).

[druez]

I don't think this can possibly be serious. When have you ever heard of a chick falling into porn because her X husband think she is to (fanatic).

Oh thats right in a porn :) Saw that story a time or two.

[Noop]

Porn and Masturbation is the best way to greet your buddy. :)

[tategter]

Porn and Masturbation is the best way to greet your buddy. :)

Don't you mean grease your buddy?

[SackAttack]

This is the only thing I'd really disagree with you here. For the majority of those who believe in the Christian God, the Devil is very real. Even God believes in him. Of course I'm not saying that you can't believe what you choose by any means, just offering up my opinion on the matter.

I think he's half right, Cuckoo; I think the main punishment in Hell is intended to be that separation from God. Lake of fire and all, sure, but I doubt the fire is worse than that separation. As far as the existence of Satan goes, well, that's the half that he's not right about. :D

[Cuckoo]

I think he's half right, Cuckoo; I think the main punishment in Hell is intended to be that separation from God. Lake of fire and all, sure, but I doubt the fire is worse than that separation. As far as the existence of Satan goes, well, that's the half that he's not right about. :D

Oh I agree the separation from God would be the worst of the punishment, but the way in which hell is described makes it pretty difficult to differentiate. It's just all bad. :)