The married sex thread

[haji1]

I have been thinking about venting about this for a while now, and with some of the current threads running around I thought I would bring this up.

I married a girl five years younger than me. I was 25, she was 20 and a nympho. She liked to do it anywhere. One time was on the hood of a car at a good friends wedding outside the reception hall. Another time while we were fishing on the river while other boats floated by. I wanted to go into the car and do it privately, but she wanted where people watched. All right! Even when she became prenant with our first child right after the honeymoon she wanted sex 4-5 times a week.

Fast forward seven years and three kids. Here is my sex life.

February-March 2003 I think around some holiday. Sex for the first time in two months. She becomes pregnant (My boys are olympic swimmners). Great thing about becoming pregant is her boobs get just huge, not that there for me or I get to play with them.

Sex again in October. She felt guilty about something.

Baby in December, number four. At least six weeks the Doctor says, like that is a problem.

Sex again in JUNE. She was leaving for two weeks, I think she was doing this so I wouldn't stray or something.

August 10th I go in for a vasectomy, the biggest waste of money ever, cuz I really don't think I will probably have sex ever again.

Three times in a year and a half. My callouses have callouses. It helps that I coach a varsity girls basketball team and some very hot limber hurdlers in track. Gives me some visuals to work with.

That is what to expect when you get married. I hear some men complain because they only get it once or twice a week. Cry me a river.

[Huckleberry]

Damn. You need to take my wife home.

Wait, bad idea.

[VPI97]

My nine year anniversary is Thursday and we've had sex twice in the last three days.


Go me.

[sachmo71]

Probably twice a week. Sometime more, when I'm feeling spry.

[Glengoyne]

I don't know what to say, other than. What you've described just isn't normal.

[Glengoyne]

Dola,

If I knew you better. I'd mock you.

[haji1]

Mock away, things can't get worse.

[Cuckoo]

I've been married for almost five years, together for almost nine, and I agree with Glengoyne. What you're describing is not normal. Now, most of us (except maybe sach and VPI :) ) experience the inevitable slowdown, but that's just absurd.

[sachmo71]

Dola,

If I knew you better. I'd mock you.

May I please mock your puncuation. Usage?

[Glengoyne]

May I please mock your puncuation. Usage?
That's pretty weak. I may have dropped a period there instead of a comma, but at least I punctuated.

[Glengoyne]

Mock away, things can't get worse.
Allright.

--Maybe you're not doing it right.

--Enzyte ?

That's really enough. I just don't have it in me to pile on in a situation like this.

[Franklinnoble]

The Ladies' Man recommends you try doing it in the butt.

(That's three times before lunch already... must be a new record. I need to have a macro for that phrase or something.)

[korme]

If you guys keep bragging about how great your sex lives are with your womens, haji is going to be filing some papers before this thread is finished.

[sabotai]

80 year old married couples with the guy being impotent have sex more that you do...

[sachmo71]

That's pretty weak. I may have dropped a period there instead of a comma, but at least I punctuated.


Oh. Ok.


I don't know what to say, other than. What you've described just isn't normal.



Dola,

If I knew you better. I'd mock you.


Sorry I was weak, but it was a dola. Had to be done.

[korme]

even Bucc probably gets his bang on more than haji. Ouch.

[Ksyrup]

I've been married for almost five years, together for almost nine, and I agree with Glengoyne. What you're describing is not normal. Now, most of us (except maybe sach and VPI :) ) experience the inevitable slowdown, but that's just absurd.Agreed.

Here's the thing, though - what have you done to communicate your frustration to her? Do you both just stare blankly at the TV while in bed, her with her mind somewhere else (reading, work, whatever), and you biting your lip hoping that she makes a move, or what? Do you try once a week and get rejected, do you ever bring up the subject at all?

If we get within the 1-2 week range, I will usually voice an opinion, either a direct suggestion or a humorous hint that is a spin of some completely non-sexual comment she makes during the day that I twist. In our relationship, I'm clearly the aggressor, but she won't go more than a month without instigating it.

I guess I need more info (not too much, of course) to understand how (or if) the subject is treated between you, but...something just seems odd. For instance, when did the vasectomy come up, and why not use that as a perfect segue to discuss the problem?

[Glengoyne]

80 year old married couples with the guy being impotent have sex more that you do...
Sabotai, You're 80!?! ;)

I had no idea. I think most of us here figured you for impotent, but not 80.

[Eaglesfan27]

I really think it is kids that kill the sex lives of some married couples. My wife and I don't have any yet, and we enjoy a great active sex life. No, I won't post pics ;)

[korme]

btw i am loving the fragmented sentences here! keep em up.

[sachmo71]

...For instance, when did the vasectomy come up, and why not use that as a perfect segue to discuss the problem?


Her: Babe, I want you to get a vasectomy. I'm tired of the pill.

Haji1: Now that gets me in the mood! Let's do it!

[Eaglesfan27]

Agreed.

Here's the thing, though - what have you done to communicate your frustration to her? Do you both just stare blankly at the TV while in bed, her with her mind somewhere else (reading, work, whatever), and you biting your lip hoping that she makes a move, or what? Do you try once a week and get rejected, do you ever bring up the subject at all?

If we get within the 1-2 week range, I will usually voice an opinion, either a direct suggestion or a humorous hint that is a spin of some completely non-sexual comment she makes during the day that I twist. In our relationship, I'm clearly the aggressor, but she won't go more than a month without instigating it.

I guess I need more info (not too much, of course) to understand how (or if) the subject is treated between you, but...something just seems odd. For instance, when did the vasectomy come up, and why not use that as a perfect segue to discuss the problem?

Good post. Married couples need to communicate openly. Talk to your wife about this and try to solve the problem. Also, might I suggest a weekend away from the kids?

[Cuckoo]

I really think it is kids that kill the sex lives of some married couples. My wife and I don't have any yet, and we enjoy a great active sex life. No, I won't post pics ;)

That's true also. My wife and I have one, and there was an obvious change in frequency when our daughter was born. Hopefully, it won't decrease exponentially if we opt to have another. :D

[Ksyrup]

I really think it is kids that kill the sex lives of some married couples. My wife and I don't have any yet, and we enjoy a great active sex life. No, I won't post pics ;)
It definitely gets in the way, there's no doubt about that. For us, it's two things: the kids and my wife's inability to stay up past 9:30. When we were in out early 20's and not married, she could stay up past 3 am and still function the next day. Now that we're married in our 30's, and have 2 kids, we have less time for each other, PLUS she's out like a light between 9 and 10.

That's a bonus for "me" time, but not so great for "we" time.

[korme]

I really think it is kids that kill the sex lives of some married couples. My wife and I don't have any yet, and we enjoy a great active sex life. No, I won't post pics ;)
ok, this is obviously not true. rex, our resident baby maker is still plugging away, i am sure of it. if this was true, he wouldn't be having sex after 1 or 2 kids, let alone the 9 or 11 running around his house now. it's like a zoo over there.

also, haji you might just want to suggest to her as ksyrup suggested something that lets her know you want to pork her more.. like 'hey i dont know if my weiner works anymore BECAUSE IT NEVER GETS ANY ACTION. MAYBE I OUGHT TO BANG THE 19 YEAR OLD WHO COMES INTO MY RECORD STORE WHO IS FRESHLY SHAVEN?' but then again that might be too harsh

[Glengoyne]

btw i am loving the fragmented sentences here! keep em up.This is at least twice you have brought up grammar in a sex thread. I'm beginning to think you're hiding something.

[haji1]

Agreed.

Here's the thing, though - what have you done to communicate your frustration to her? Do you both just stare blankly at the TV while in bed, her with her mind somewhere else (reading, work, whatever), and you biting your lip hoping that she makes a move, or what? Do you try once a week and get rejected, do you ever bring up the subject at all?

If we get within the 1-2 week range, I will usually voice an opinion, either a direct suggestion or a humorous hint that is a spin of some completely non-sexual comment she makes during the day that I twist. In our relationship, I'm clearly the aggressor, but she won't go more than a month without instigating it.

I guess I need more info (not too much, of course) to understand how (or if) the subject is treated between you, but...something just seems odd. For instance, when did the vasectomy come up, and why not use that as a perfect segue to discuss the problem?


I have to get going for a little while, but you bring up some good points that I will try to respond to later. I love my wife dearly, and she loves me. We have discussed it and know we need to do something. I will write more later when I get a chance to let you guys in on a few of the reasons as to why.

[sachmo71]

This is at least twice you have brought up grammar in a sex thread. I'm beggining to think you're hiding something.

It's Shorty. That's a given. :)

[Noop]

*Shakes Head*

[Ksyrup]

Good post. Married couples need to communicate openly. Talk to your wife about this and try to solve the problem. Also, might I suggest a weekend away from the kids?
That was going to be my next question - how often do you get away from the kids? That's another issue for us, although it's gotten better since her parents moved to with a couple of hours from us. Two weekends from now, they're coming to stay with the kids while we go to a concert out of town.

Nothing turns me wife on more than Journey, so I expect to get some that night. :D

[Eaglesfan27]

It definitely gets in the way, there's no doubt about that. For us, it's two things: the kids and my wife's inability to stay up past 9:30. When we were in out early 20's and not married, she could stay up past 3 am and still function the next day. Now that we're married in our 30's, and have 2 kids, we have less time for each other, PLUS she's out like a light between 9 and 10.

That's a bonus for "me" time, but not so great for "we" time.

Exactly my point. Having kids takes a great deal of time committment among other things. Some couples forget to take "us" time away from the kids or feel guilty about doing it. I think it is vital to have "we" time to keep a marriage healthy. A healthy marriage is only going to benefit the children in the family. As a result, once we decide to have kids (we are starting to discuss "trying to get pregnant") we will take at least one day a week that is us time. Fortunately, her mother is here in town and is a reliable baby sitter :)

[sachmo71]

Nothing turns me wife on more than Journey, so I expect to get some that night. :D

I didn't think Journey turned anyone on anymore. You go, Ksyrup!

[korme]

This is at least twice you have brought up grammar in a sex thread. I'm begining to think you're hiding something.
i'm just trying to appeal to all the types of people at the board, you got a problem mr. i am so uncreative that i name my screenname after whisky? or should i just call you mr. alchy? wait, where ya going? got an aa class to head off to?

[Noop]

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0169547/

Sounds just like that movie.

[Ksyrup]

I didn't think Journey turned anyone on anymore. You go, Ksyrup!
Now that Steve Perry has been replaced by a younger Steve...

Actually, it wouldn't matter. It might as well be 1981 at my house.

[WSUCougar]

No offense, Short One, but taking advice from you in a married person's sex thread is akin to letting a 12-year-old into a strip club. Boppin' to bra ads in the Target flyer doesn't make you an expert.

;)

[Ksyrup]

I have to get going for a little while, but you bring up some good points that I will try to respond to later. I love my wife dearly, and she loves me. We have discussed it and know we need to do something. I will write more later when I get a chance to let you guys in on a few of the reasons as to why.
Well I'm glad to hear that there's been some communication. Still, it sounds like she may not fully comprehend the depth of your frustration if nothing has changed.

[korme]

ksyrup still headlines at the local bars as a big hair band and just plays old school metallica and horrible stuff like that

[Noop]

Honest Question. If I was jacking off next to my wife and she didn't help does that mean she doesn't love me?

[VPI97]

It definitely gets in the way, there's no doubt about that. For us, it's two things: the kids and my wife's inability to stay up past 9:30. When we were in out early 20's and not married, she could stay up past 3 am and still function the next day. Now that we're married in our 30's, and have 2 kids, we have less time for each other, PLUS she's out like a light between 9 and 10.Good point...maybe that's why my wife and I have still maintained an active sex life. I'm 30, she's 29 and we have two kids...but both of us stay up to at least 1:00 regularly (sometimes 3:00 or 4:00 on the weekends), while the kids are in bed between 9:00 and 10:00. It's leaves us plenty of time to play hide the salami.

[Warhammer]

I gotta sympathize with you man. I have had I do not know how many discussions with my wife about this. Granted, we have one and another on the way, but she would wait about a month if I let her. We had several sit downs about it, and now it is more like 2-3 times a week. It is all one and done, but that sounds better than what you are getting.

[korme]

No offense, Short One, but taking advice from you in a married person's sex thread is akin to letting a 12-year-old into a strip club. Boppin' to bra ads in the Target flyer doesn't make you an expert.

;)
but mrs. coug really enjoyed the advice i gave her. well, i call it advice, she calls it 'examples in bed', whatever.

[VPI97]

Honest Question. If I was jacking off next to my wife and she didn't help does that mean she doesn't love me?Nah...just means that she can't see it with your hand in the way.

[korme]

Honest Question. If I was jacking off next to my wife and she didn't help does that mean she doesn't love me?
that means she DOES love you. if i want to wack it, i'd rather do it myself, girls have no clue what they're doing. however, if you ask her to go down and she doesn't want to, then she doesn't love you.

[Ksyrup]

ksyrup still headlines at the local bars as a big hair band and just plays old school metallica and horrible stuff like that
I'm trying to mix in a Ben Kweller cover or two, but the people just want the lipstick and hairspray, man.

[sabotai]

I had no idea. I think most of us here figured you for impotent, but not 80.

That's the problem with you youngins these days, no respect for your elders. You better shape up you wipper-snapper and not talk about my wee-wee like that!

[Noop]

Shorty what if I don't want to but am doing because she is slacking in the sex dept...

Also VPI... I don't know about you but I would need two( and a half) hands to hide "it" ;)

[sabotai]

Shorty what if I don't want to but am doing because she is slacking in the sex dept...

Then you keep wacking, and when you're ready, get up and jiz in her hair. If she gets pissed, she doesn't love you.

[korme]

I'm trying to mix in a Ben Kweller cover or two, but the people just want the lipstick and hairspray, man.
i heard dat. it starts stoppin when it stops stoppin. don't ask me why, that's all i know.

[korme]

Then you keep wacking, and when you're ready, get up and jiz in her hair. If she gets pissed, she doesn't love you.
i spit the proverbial coke from my nose right there, solid

[Samdari]

Probably twice a week. Sometime more, when I'm feeling spry.

But really, how often is that at your age?

[Noop]

Jizz? Man no one uses that term other then porn sites or so I have heard. I perfer the terms empty a clip or bust a nutt...

[VPI97]

I prefer the term 'collecting a DNA sample' myself...

[Warhammer]

One thing you can try is humping her leg in bed at night.

[korme]

i shot a load at the president yesterday

[Maple Leafs]

Here is the honest truth:

- Before you get married, it will happen as often as you both want it to. If necessary, you will meet somewhere in the middle (pun intended).

- After you get married, it will happen as often as she wants it to. If that matches what you want, you're in luck. If not, you wind up like our friend haji1here.

P.S. Shorty is on fire in this thread. Some of his best work, hands down.

[Lokugh]

i shot a load at the president yesterday

Ya know, that is just wrong on so many levels...

[sachmo71]

But really, how often is that at your age?
:(


Hey!

[Bonegavel]

posting in an adult-oriented thread where shorty has chimed in is usually against my religion, but...

You have all got to be kidding. Married 9 years as of last month and after the kid came around the horizontal, vertical, perpendicular (whatever your poison) bop has become a distant memory. Poor Haji has 4 rugrats I am of the notion to believe that she can't even look at his schwanstuka without having Nam' flashbacks.

Sure we get busy occasionally, but nothing kills a fully deployed womb cannon like the voice or the knocking on the bedroom door of a preschooler.

That, mixed with the fact that neither of you can look at each other without wanting to punch the other square in the face. That never helps.

Marriage is overrated, but then again, so is brunch.

[VPI97]

That, mixed with the fact that neither of you can look at each other without wanting to punch the other square in the face. That never helps.Alrighty then...

[Ksyrup]

it will happen as often as she wants it to.
I have yet to meet a woman where this is not the case.

[korme]

P.S. Shorty is on fire in this thread. Some of his best work, hands down.
i'm not gonna let it get to my head or anything, but i seemed to have noticed that glengoyne and wsucougar are mia from his thread since my replies to them.. http://dynamic2.gamespy.com/%7Efof/forums/images/smilies/wink.gif

[Maple Leafs]

I have yet to meet a woman where this is not the case.OK, true. But if she's aiming for a big shiny diamond, what she wants will seem oddly similar to what he wants.

[WSUCougar]

i'm not gonna let it get to my head or anything, but i seemed to have noticed that glengoyne and wsucougar are mia from his thread since my replies to them...
Aww, now I was going to let you slide and here you go bleating like a happy sheep.

We all know about your subscription to Glamour, so just fess up. And stop clicking on the "Married" gallery links at the free porn sites for advice material.

[vtbub]

OK, true. But if she's aiming for a big shiny diamond, what she wants will seem oddly similar to what he wants.


Blowjobs during Sox games? Hmmm...

[dirtyoldman]

What you should do is lick her asshole while she is asleep until the point when she wakes up. She will love you forever. Also, if that doesn't work, offer to eat the corn off of her feet. Lastley if all else fails, draw a face on your penis with a magic marker. She’ll feel sorry for it and get up on it. If the marks come off, so will she, since it won’t be cute to her anymore. It’s a spell of sorts. JMHO

Old Guy

[korme]

Aww, now I was going to let you slide and here you go bleating like a happy sheep.

We all know about your subscription to Glamour, so just fess up. And stop clicking on the "Married" gallery links at the free porn sites for advice material.
what, sorry... i was just glancing through some reading material and forgot what you were talking about. care for a read?

No. 6 Ohio State Runs Past No. 10 Washington State, 25-7

Freshman tailback Maurice Clarett ran for 230 yards and two second-half scores.
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Ohio State tailback Maurice Clarett (13) stiff arms his way into the end zone through Washington State defender Al Genatone (47) for a touchdown in the first quarter of the Buckeyes 25-7 victory Saturday, Sept. 14, 2002, in Columbus, Ohio.

</td> </tr> <tr> <td><table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="2" border="0" width="146" bgcolor="#000000"><tbody><tr><td> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="3" border="0" width="142"> <tbody><tr> <td width="142" valign="top" bgcolor="#990000" align="center"> Football Home (http://www.fansonly.com/schools/osu/sports/m-footbl/osu-m-footbl-body.html)
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</td> </tr> --> <tr> <td width="142" valign="top" bgcolor="#ffffff" align="center"> HEADLINES </td> </tr> <tr> <td width="142" valign="top" bgcolor="#ffffff"> Tressel Named Head Coach in the Villages Gridiron Classic (http://www.fansonly.com/schools/osu/sports/m-footbl/spec-rel/072704aaa.html) 2004 Ohio State Football Season Outlook (http://www.fansonly.com/schools/osu/sports/m-footbl/spec-rel/072304aab.html)

2004 Ohio State Football Notes (http://www.fansonly.com/schools/osu/sports/m-footbl/spec-rel/072304aaa.html)



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Sept 14, 2002





<!-- LINKS TO RELATED PAGES BEGIN --> Box Score (http://ohiostatebuckeyes.collegesports.com/sports/m-footbl/stats/091402aaa.html) | Quotes (http://ohiostatebuckeyes.collegesports.com/sports/m-footbl/recaps/091402aac.html) | Notes (http://ohiostatebuckeyes.collegesports.com/sports/m-footbl/recaps/091402aaa.html) <!-- LINKS TO RELATED PAGES END -->









COLUMBUS, Ohio - Freshman tailback Maurice Clarett (http://ohiostatebuckeyes.collegesports.com/sports/m-footbl/mtt/clarett_maurice00.html) ran for 230 yards, including 194 in the second half, to lift No. 6 Ohio State to a 25-7 victory over No. 10 Washington State in front of a record 104,553 fans Saturday at Ohio Stadium.

Clarett's 230 yards rushing on 31 carries were both career bests. His rushing total is the sixth-highest single game total in OSU history and the second-highest mark for a freshman behind Archie Griffin's 239 yards vs. North Carolina in 1972. Clarett earned more than 200 yards for the first time in his career and topped 100 yards for the second time in the first three games of his Ohio State career. <!-- STORY AD BEGINS HERE -->
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<!-- STORY AD ENDS HERE -->The Buckeyes struggled in the first half and trailed, 7-6, at intermission. Washington State out-gained Ohio State 189 to 109 yards in total offense in the first half, including a difference of 155 to 57 in passing yardage. Clarett had just 36 yards in the first half.

In the second half, Ohio State posted 254 yards of offense, 240 of which came by way of the ground attack. The Buckeye defense forced two interceptions and had two sacks against Washington State's Heisman Trophy candidate Jason Gesser. The WSU senior quarterback completed 25-of-44 passes for 247 yards and one touchdown. For the Buckeyes, quarterback Craig Krenzel (http://ohiostatebuckeyes.collegesports.com/sports/m-footbl/mtt/krenzel_craig01.html) was 4-of-10 for 71 yards.

Ohio State forced a punt on Washington State's opening possession of the second half and then drove 91 yards on just eight plays for the go-ahead score, a 3-yard run by Clarett. The freshman tailback opened the drive with a 44-yard rush over the left side. He also had carries of 6 and 20 yards on the drive. The score came at 8:37 in the third quarter and put the Buckeyes on top 13-7.

The Buckeyes extended their lead, 16-7 on a 45-yard field goal by Mike Nugent (http://ohiostatebuckeyes.collegesports.com/sports/m-footbl/mtt/nugent_mike00.html) with 1:57 to play in the third quarter. The kick capped a six-play, 16-yard drive. The field goal was Nugent's third of the game and his eighth straight make, which is the fifth longest streak in OSU history.

Washington State was forced to punt on the ensuing possession and the Buckeyes took a two-point gift when the snap went over the punter's head and through the end zone. The safety gave the Buckeyes an 18-7 lead with 47 seconds remaining in the third quarter.

A one-yard run by Clarett put the Buckeyes up, 25-7, with 10:41 to play in the game. The score capped a 10-play, 66-yard drive that guzzled up 4:58 off the clock. Clarett ran for 37 yards on the drive. The score was the sixth touchdown of his career and was his fifth rushing touchdown.

Ohio State opened the game by scoring on its first possession. Kicker Mike Nugent (http://ohiostatebuckeyes.collegesports.com/sports/m-footbl/mtt/nugent_mike00.html) made a 43-yard try to give the Buckeyes a 3-0 lead with 13:19 to go in the opening quarter. A 33-yard pass from Craig Krenzel (http://ohiostatebuckeyes.collegesports.com/sports/m-footbl/mtt/krenzel_craig01.html) to Mike Jenkins set up the score. Jenkins added a 16-yard grab to finish with 49 receiving yards.

Washington State countered with a touchdown on its initial drive, moving the ball 80 yards in 11 plays. The 5-yard completion from Jason Gesser to Devard Darling gave the Cougars a 7-3 lead with 8:33 to play in the first. Darling finished the game with six receptions for 65 yards.

Nugent pulled the Buckeyes within one, 7-6, with his second 43-yard field goal of the afternoon with 12:09 left in the second quarter. Lydell Ross (http://ohiostatebuckeyes.collegesports.com/sports/m-footbl/mtt/ross_lydell00.html) had a 36-yard run in the drive.

The Cougars threatened, going 68 yards to set up a 29-yard field goal with 2:50 to play in the first half, but an errant snap gave the Buckeyes the ball. OSU could get nothing going and were forced to punt. Washington State went three and out and punted the ball for a touchback. OSU downed the ball and headed for the locker room trailing, 7-6.

Next week, Ohio State will play Cincinnati at Paul Brown Stadium in Cincinnati, Ohio. The game will be televised by ESPN and will begin at 3:30 p.m.

[Balldog]

What you should do is lick her asshole while she is asleep until the point when she wakes up. She will love you forever. Also, if that doesn't work, offer to eat the corn off of her feet. Lastley if all else fails, draw a face on your penis with a magic marker. She’ll feel sorry for it and get up on it. If the marks come off, so will she, since it won’t be cute to her anymore. It’s a spell of sorts. JMHO

Old Guy

lol

[korme]

very interesting first post dirtyoldman

[Samdari]

P.S. Shorty is on fire in this thread. Some of his best work, hands down.

I noticed this too. Its like his sense of humor is creeping towards adulthood. I feel so proud.

[Ben E Lou]

I really hope that a thread starting with a legitimate, serious question can somehow be salvaged, and not completely threadjacked by Junior High locker room humor.

[korme]

I noticed this too. Its like his sense of humor is creeping towards adulthood. I feel so proud.
I really hope that a thread starting with a legitimate, serious question can somehow be salvaged, and not completely threadjacked by Junior High locker room humor.
Interesting back to back posts.

[vtbub]

Serious answer, sounds like she needs to see her doctor and get checked out.

Her hormones can be out of whack, and I can't imagine that with four kids, her energy level being super high.

That combination certainly lead to solo performance for you.

[Ksyrup]

What you should do is lick her asshole while she is asleep until the point when she wakes up.

Don't do this, you will regret it! What happens is she instinctively clenches her butt cheeks and rolls over to find out what in the hell is going on, grasping your tongue in her vice grip buns, then nearly tearing out your tongue as she flips around. ANd then when you try to explain that "Ooh donoo wa theese taakang bow," she somehow knows you're lying.

Or so I've been told.

[Ksyrup]

I really hope that a thread starting with a legitimate, serious question can somehow be salvaged, and not completely threadjacked by Junior High locker room humor.
We're marking time until haji is able to come back and post. He had some info that he needs to tell us before we can discuss the serious part further.

[korme]

how does ksyrup not have a custom title yet? something about music, or ass tonguing.

[Joe Canadian]

I'm not married so sex is still plentiful for me, but I hope you and your wife get through this!... Now onto my immature comment...

---

Sex should only be used for making children, not for pleasure... Thus, all gays and unmarried couples having sex are evil and sinners.

---

[Ben E Lou]

We're marking time until haji is able to come back and post. He had some info that he needs to tell us before we can discuss the serious part further.Upon further review, I'd say that's fair enough.

[dirtyoldman]

You should pee in the bed and see what she does. If she stays, she loves you dearly and then you should go ahead and take a shit to further test the bounds of your love.

[Suicane75]

I really hope that a thread starting with a legitimate, serious question can somehow be salvaged, and not completely threadjacked by Junior High locker room humor.

I stopped taking the thread seriously the moment he mentioned that he uses the girls on the track team he coaches in his sexual fantasies.

[sterlingice]

Upon further review, I'd say that's fair enough.
Good lawyering, Ksyrup. You hoodwinked him good ;)

SI

[Ksyrup]

how does ksyrup not have a custom title yet? something about music, or ass tonguing.
I think I'd prefer the former, thanks. :o :)

[Ksyrup]

Good lawyering, Ksyrup. You hoodwinked him good ;)

SI
That felt less like lawyering, and more like an explanation I'd give to my parents, but either way, it worked. :D

[Blackadar]

Ok, back to serious advice.

The amount of sex you'll have in marriage is directly proportionate to how well the marriage is working. When my wife and I were on the outs, we almost never had it. Everytime we did, we both enjoyed it, but I think subconsiously we didn't really want to have sex because we weren't that close in the day-to-day interactions.

Now, we have it a lot more because we're doing a lot better.

This is only semi-on-topic, but I have to tell you that having her stay at home and take care of the house is the best damned decision we ever made. She's not stressed out about the housework all the time because she has all day to do it. As she says, she has one job now, not two. She takes it seriously and the house looks great (or it will once we get unpacked). Dinner's ready, home-cooked and tasty on a timely basis. She's not stressed out and lost 40 lbs - she looks great now.

I don't have to worry about the housework either, so my life is in order once I get home. I get far more time with the family and I'm not stressed out either.

The kid gets a lot of time with his mommy and isn't in day care. He loves it.

Yea, you HAVE to make some financial sacrifices in your life, but it's well worth it. Fuck the rat race - enjoy your life instead. You'll find you don't really miss the money.

Case in point...we just moved to Charlotte...have boxes everywhere. If we were both working, we would have busted our ass to get everything unpacked this weekend because we'd both have to return to work. We probably wouldn't have cooked and been so stressed out that we would have killed each other.

Instead, she's at home. So we didn't stress out to get it done and took the kid hiking yesterday, played on the PC yesterday afternoon and watched a movie last night.

Guess which way you're likely to have more sex? :)

[MacroGuru]

Gotta laugh at this thread.....

I went for a drought, but that was mainly cause I travelled and was only home for the weekends.

However since November. My sex life seems to be life.....every day, and during the weekend 2 to 3 times a day.

I don't know what to say, I am wondering if she is taking anything, but I am not the one to complain about it.

[WSUCougar]

every day, and during the weekend 2 to 3 times a day
To waiter: "I'll have what he's having."

[MJ4H]

It helps that I coach a varsity girls basketball team and some very hot limber hurdlers in track.

hey man pics plz k thx

[Ksyrup]

this is a thread about the premature ejaculators, that is a thread for them
Coug, please leave this thread immediately and report to your thread.

[Yossarian]

To waiter: "I'll have what he's having."

Mrs Indoorsoccersim?

[Ksyrup]

Gotta laugh at this thread.....

I went for a drought, but that was mainly cause I travelled and was only home for the weekends.

However since November. My sex life seems to be life.....every day, and during the weekend 2 to 3 times a day.

I don't know what to say, I am wondering if she is taking anything, but I am not the one to complain about it.
Translation:

I'm sorry I find this amusing, I don't mean to laugh in your face, but I've been getting it daily (and sometimes hourly!) for almost a year, and reading about all of your problems sure makes me glad I'm not you. I wish I could help, but I have absolutely no experience from which to draw a possible suggestion that would be useful to anyone in this thread. Later, my girl is calling - wonder what she could want...?!

:D ;)

[sterlingice]

Translation:

I'm sorry I find this amusing, I don't mean to laugh in your face, but I've been getting it daily (and sometimes hourly!) for almost a year, and reading about all of your problems sure makes me glad I'm not you. I wish I could help, but I have absolutely no experience from which to draw a possible suggestion that would be useful to anyone in this thread. Later, my girl is calling - wonder what she could want...?!

:D ;)
Beautiful :D

SI

[Maple Leafs]

I really hope that a thread starting with a legitimate, serious question can somehow be salvaged, and not completely threadjacked by Junior High locker room humor.Is this your first day here?

[bbor]

Don't do this, you will regret it! What happens is she instinctively clenches her butt cheeks and rolls over to find out what in the hell is going on, grasping your tongue in her vice grip buns, then nearly tearing out your tongue as she flips around. ANd then when you try to explain that "Ooh donoo wa theese taakang bow," she somehow knows you're lying.

Or so I've been told.

A lawyer without a tongue is a clerk :p

[MacroGuru]

Mrs Indoorsoccersim?
Don't want to go there....she might start looking when I am a shriveled husk:D

[Glengoyne]

P.S. Shorty is on fire in this thread. Some of his best work, hands down.Indeed. In fact, since his crack about the president was so funny I shot Scotch right outta my nose, I am gonna let him get away with calling me an Alcoholic.

[haji1]

Ok, I am back.

A lot of our problems have already been talked about here. The kids are a big part of it, I know. Our boys room is right across the hall and that has always made her nervous, our eight year old did walk in on us one time. We laughed at the moment, but I know it made her very apprehensive. Plus our baby sleeps in the bed with us a lot. We have decided this will be our last one. She breast feeds still and it is just easier for her to take care of him if he is in bed with us. I don't mind that at all really.

She is a stay at home mom with three children (the fourth in school) and I know is is worn down and tired by the end of the day. Because I teach and coach I am usually home around six and she is exhausted. The kids are mine at that point. The last thing she has on her mind is pleasing me. Seriously,she could just do without sex altogether, but she knows it is important to me. She always enjoys it and usually after we have had sex we will have it regular for a little while because she says "she remembers how fun it is." That hasn't happened as I said for over year though.

Anyway, the kids go to bed at nine ,and that is when she does as well or shortly after. Sometimes she will stay up later for Monday night football or to watch Becker at 10:00 with me or other things like that. Usually though she is just ready for bed. I like to stay up late usually until 1:00 or 2:00, but if I do go to bed with her at the same time, our kids are usually still awake for awhile so she doesn't want to. She will usally fall asleep within half an hour so I don't have the heart to wake her up. I have tried to go to bed early, but it stills does not happen, and really I am not tired yet. Maybe we should try early in the morning.

This may ramble but bear with me.

We do talk about it and know it is a problem, but we just don't really do anything to make changes. A weekend a way is a great idea and we have tried to plan one, but just haven't made the time commitment. We really don't know anyone in town very well and with four kids we are reluctant to "dump" them all on someone for a weekend. It is a lot of work. I am sure our families would do it, though they are mostly a long way away.

There are two other problems that I haven't mentioned, and I will try to keep this short.

1. The reason for the vasectomy is because she is afraid to get pregnant again. Twice we have had children when we thought we were safe so I know that she does not want that to happen again. We had children when she was young and I know she has some regrets about that. She feels her life really can't get strated until all of the kids are in school, well another "oops" would set those plans back furthur. We have talked about once I get the vasectomy maybe she will be able to relax more in regards to sex.

2. She has been battling depression. She has had a rough family life, but it is also a chemical thing. We have been trying different meds, but whe she became pregnant we had to be careful of what she took, and she didn't really want to be on anything while she was carrying, so she went off. Well her depression hit pretty hard and her energy was extremely low. Once we had the baby though, it was back to square one with trying to find the right medicine because of hormone changes. She was still very depressed, angry, snap at the children and at me and honestly, I had little desire to be intimate with her. Those were some hard times.

Now though we seem to have found one that has worked well over the past few weeks. She is much happier, and more energetic. Plus she has taken a job as a freshman volleyball coach while I quit coaching head cross-country so she could do so. A little role-reversal. This will get her out of the house more and she is really excited. I haven't seen her this happy in a long time.

Hopefully with those changes we will see an improvement. I am sure that we will. She really is a fantastic wife to put up with me and being a coach's wife isn't an easy thing to be. The lack of sex is frustrating for sure, but I guess I was able to understand why.

Thanks for the advice and thoughts. It has really helped me out just to be able to type this out and share some things.

BTW My remark about my athletes was a joke, just a part of my rant. My fantasies are about my wife, as hokey as that sounds.

[EagleFan]

"101 Nights of Grrrrreat Sex" by Laura Corn

Try it, it's definitely worth it. Our sex life has increased exponentially since starting that book. Try it, you won't regret it (and you'll love the "Velvet Tongue").

[Glengoyne]

i'm not gonna let it get to my head or anything, but i seemed to have noticed that glengoyne and wsucougar are mia from his thread since my replies to them.. http://dynamic2.gamespy.com/%7Efof/forums/images/smilies/wink.gif
It's just that taking shots at someone with a handle so clearly indicative of their penis size seemed unseemly.

[CamEdwards]

another serious answer:

I agree with Blackader, but you have to make allowances for the energy factor of dealing with children.

When my wife and kids first moved to Virginia, it was like we were newlyweds. Then again, we'd seen each other only sporadically for the past three months. After a few weeks it started to go back to normal. For the past couple of weeks, it's been nonexistent because of several factors:

1- unlike Blackie's wife, my wife isn't sure she likes staying at home all day. On those days when she really wishes she was back at work, she takes it out on me.

2- We have three kids (17, 13, and 4), so she's dealing with a hormonal teenage girl, a surly teenage boy, and a clingy toddler age boy... all day long. I think she might have had more energy when she was working.

[sterlingice]

It's just that taking shots at someone with a handle so clearly indicative of their penis size seemed unseemly.
I think Shorty had better stop now since it seems he's going to wake up veterans of the high school insult wars and it'll be all over for him, especially 2 versus 1.

SI

[Glengoyne]

A lawyer without a tongue is a clerk :p
Or is at least acquainted with Ksyrup's wife.

[korme]

It's just that taking shots at someone with a handle so clearly indicative of their penis size seemed unseemly.
well played glengoyne well played

[korme]

another serious answer:

I agree with Blackader, but you have to make allowances for the energy factor of dealing with children.

When my wife and kids first moved to Virginia, it was like we were newlyweds. Then again, we'd seen each other only sporadically for the past three months. After a few weeks it started to go back to normal. For the past couple of weeks, it's been nonexistent because of several factors:

1- unlike Blackie's wife, my wife isn't sure she likes staying at home all day. On those days when she really wishes she was back at work, she takes it out on me.

2- We have three kids (17, 13, and 4), so she's dealing with a hormonal teenage girl, a surly teenage boy, and a clingy toddler age boy... all day long. I think she might have had more energy when she was working.
your daughter is 17? where do you live again?

[korme]

I think Shorty had better stop now since it seems he's going to wake up veterans of the high school insult wars and it'll be all over for him, especially 2 versus 1.

SI
*takes a backseat*

(for now)

[sterlingice]

*takes a backseat*

(for now)
Well, you know surprise is always a good weapon :)

SI

[Eaglesfan27]

1. The reason for the vasectomy is because she is afraid to get pregnant again. Twice we have had children when we thought we were safe so I know that she does not want that to happen again. We had children when she was young and I know she has some regrets about that. She feels her life really can't get strated until all of the kids are in school, well another "oops" would set those plans back furthur. We have talked about once I get the vasectomy maybe she will be able to relax more in regards to sex.

2. She has been battling depression. She has had a rough family life, but it is also a chemical thing. We have been trying different meds, but whe she became pregnant we had to be careful of what she took, and she didn't really want to be on anything while she was carrying, so she went off. Well her depression hit pretty hard and her energy was extremely low. Once we had the baby though, it was back to square one with trying to find the right medicine because of hormone changes. She was still very depressed, angry, snap at the children and at me and honestly, I had little desire to be intimate with her. Those were some hard times.

Now though we seem to have found one that has worked well over the past few weeks. She is much happier, and more energetic. Plus she has taken a job as a freshman volleyball coach while I quit coaching head cross-country so she could do so. A little role-reversal. This will get her out of the house more and she is really excited. I haven't seen her this happy in a long time.

Hopefully with those changes we will see an improvement. I am sure that we will. She really is a fantastic wife to put up with me and being a coach's wife isn't an easy thing to be. The lack of sex is frustrating for sure, but I guess I was able to understand why.

Thanks for the advice and thoughts. It has really helped me out just to be able to type this out and share some things.

BTW My remark about my athletes was a joke, just a part of my rant. My fantasies are about my wife, as hokey as that sounds.

Haji1,

If you wife is being treated by a psychiatrist which I hope she is as this depression sounds like it was serious in the past and might be beyond the scope of a primary care physician, I hope she has talked to him/her about her reduced sex drive.

Depression can cause a reduced sex drive, but so can many of the anti-depressants that are used to treat depression. There are other medications which can reduce this sexual side effect in 60-70% of cases. Many of my patients are reluctant to talk to me about sexual side effects of medications even when I ask. It is usually at the urging of the spouse/significant other that I hear about it after it has been a problem for a few months.

As far as the fear of getting pregnant, that could be a significant factor as well and maybe the vasecectomy will help that portion of the problem. Good luck!

[Eaglesfan27]

Dola -

To clarify, there are other medicines which can be used in conjunction with the antidepressant to help alleviate the sexual side effects. If she has had serious depression, she likely will want to stay on whatever medication she is on currently.

[haji1]

another serious answer:

1- unlike Blackie's wife, my wife isn't sure she likes staying at home all day. On those days when she really wishes she was back at work, she takes it out on me.

2- We have three kids (17, 13, and 4), so she's dealing with a hormonal teenage girl, a surly teenage boy, and a clingy toddler age boy... all day long. I think she might have had more energy when she was working.

1. I feel the same. There are days were I would come home and I would get just blasted because I was able to interact with others and she had to be home all day. She loves being home with the kids, but she want out too, that is why coaching volleyball should help, hopefully.

2. Our chilren are

John 8,3rd grade
Jacob 5, starting K
(Yes, John, Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt, we didn't plan it that way)
Kathrynne 3 (going on 13) starting pre-school
Kaleb 7, months

They wear me out and I am not with them much. With three of them at school at times throughout the day next year, I think she will like it better.

[Pyser]

Marriage is overrated, but then again, so is brunch.

qotm stuff right there. brilliant.



i agree with whoever said sex is a good relationship barometer, but there are obviously other factors. all i can say is i hope you guys work it out. good luck.

[Philliesfan980]

"101 Nights of Grrrrreat Sex" by Laura Corn

Try it, it's definitely worth it. Our sex life has increased exponentially since starting that book. Try it, you won't regret it (and you'll love the "Velvet Tongue").


Can I get some free samples of whats in that book?

Any ladies man stuff :)

[haji1]

Haji1,

If you wife is being treated by a psychiatrist which I hope she is as this depression sounds like it was serious in the past and might be beyond the scope of a primary care physician, I hope she has talked to him/her about her reduced sex drive.

Depression can cause a reduced sex drive, but so can many of the anti-depressants that are used to treat depression. There are other medications which can reduce this sexual side effect in 60-70% of cases. Many of my patients are reluctant to talk to me about sexual side effects of medications even when I ask. It is usually at the urging of the spouse/significant other that I hear about it after it has been a problem for a few months.

As far as the fear of getting pregnant, that could be a significant factor as well and maybe the vasecectomy will help that portion of the problem. Good luck!

You know that is a really good point. Thanks. She is being treated by a primary care physician and really she (the physician) has never discussed the other areas of my wife's depression AFAIK. She really does need to talk to someone about a few things. There is no psychiatrist in town, but Sioux Falls isn't too far and we could find one there. My wife has always been resistent because her side of the family has a few people with a history of a wide array of mental illnesses and I don't think she wants to think that she is like them. If that makes any sense. She wanted to try to treat her problems "chemically" first to see if that would be enough.

I also didn't think about medications affecting sex drive and this may be something to look into. I know my wife has never discussed a lack of sex drive with he physician, I think she just felt the medications would help her improve her sex drive instead of inhibit it. She has a follow-up next week, I will see if she can talk to the physician about it then.

Thank you again.

[Maple Leafs]

Anyway, the kids go to bed at nine ,and that is when she does as well or shortly after. Sometimes she will stay up later for Monday night football or to watch Becker at 10:00 with me or other things like that. Usually though she is just ready for bed. I like to stay up late usually until 1:00 or 2:00, but if I do go to bed with her at the same time, our kids are usually still awake for awhile so she doesn't want to. She will usally fall asleep within half an hour so I don't have the heart to wake her up. I have tried to go to bed early, but it stills does not happen, and really I am not tired yet. Maybe we should try early in the morning.
I feel your pain. I think this is something that most married couples go through, and I'm sure it's not very... wait, hold on a second. Did something seem strange about that last paragraph? Can we wind that back for a second?

... or to watch Becker at 10:00 with me ...Wh... what? You watch Becker? At 10:00 at night? On purpose? And your wife stays up late to share this moment with you?

I... it's... there are no words.

[Eaglesfan27]

You know that is a really good point. Thanks. She is being treated by a primary care physician and really she (the physician) has never discussed the other areas of my wife's depression AFAIK. She really does need to talk to someone about a few things. There is no psychiatrist in town, but Sioux Falls isn't too far and we could find one there. My wife has always been resistent because her side of the family has a few people with a history of a wide array of mental illnesses and I don't think she wants to think that she is like them. If that makes any sense. She wanted to try to treat her problems "chemically" first to see if that would be enough.

I also didn't think about medications affecting sex drive and this may be something to look into. I know my wife has never discussed a lack of sex drive with he physician, I think she just felt the medications would help her improve her sex drive instead of inhibit it. She has a follow-up next week, I will see if she can talk to the physician about it then.

Thank you again.

Psychiatrists are medical doctors and are the expert in treating "chemical" problems. I truly believe (as many psychiatrists do) that most serious depression (i.e. not just transient due to life events) is due to a chemical inbalance in the brain that can be corrected with the right antidepressant. Edited to add: Most research studies have shown that therapy in combination with medication is 20% more effective than either alone. So if she can talk to someone, that would likely be helpful as well and may improve your communication and sex life. Particularly in light of the comments you made about her having a rough family life in the past.

Primary Care Physicians don't have the expertise (in general) to know the full side effect profile of each anti-depressant and what to do to alleviate the sexual side effects that many anti-depressants cause.

Also, I've seen quite a few patients that were reluctant to come see me because their family members were "crazy" and they didn't want to be viewed like them. So, your wife's fear of seeing a mental health professional is not unusual.

Glad to offer some friendly advice. Good luck again.

[korme]

that post is just a reminder that maple leafs is all that i aspire to be

[Senator]

Pumping gas today, this 17 year old, driving a Hummer, was on his cell phone next to me.

He had this comment to the lucky recipient on the other line,

"Listen yo. You got that cash, I am gonna tell ya, you are gonna get that ass."

I came home and told my wife, who said, "Oh yeah, how is that working out for you?"

[Senator]

Dola:

And Becker sounds like something you would ask your wife to do, not watch.

"Honey, it has been awhile. Give me a Becker!"

[korme]

sen, did you catch this (http://dynamic2.gamespy.com/%7Efof/forums/showthread.php?t=28883) thread?

[hhiipp]

Watch "Talk Sex" on the Oxygen channel, that is sure to spice up your sex life.

[Franklinnoble]

Pumping gas today, this 17 year old, driving a Hummer, was on his cell phone next to me.

He had this comment to the lucky recipient on the other line,

"Listen yo. You got that cash, I am gonna tell ya, you are gonna get that ass."

Nice to hear that HornsManiac is doing so well...

[Franklinnoble]

Watch "Talk Sex" on the Oxygen channel, that is sure to spice up your sex life.
The Oxygen channel? That's on my "blocked" list.

[Senator]

Nice to hear that HornsManiac is doing so well...


I told the young man he had me at "ass".

[Senator]

sen, did you catch this (http://dynamic2.gamespy.com/%7Efof/forums/showthread.php?t=28883) thread?

I missed it the first go around. I think I was ordering an attack on Cuba or something.

Shorty, you keep me young. I wanna adopt you.

And then prosecute you to the full extent of the law.

[Glengoyne]

sen, did you catch this (http://dynamic2.gamespy.com/%7Efof/forums/showthread.php?t=28883) thread?

From the linked thread--> "Nothing that old is Cool. Well maybe Senator"

Shorty is having quite the week.

[sterlingice]

Pumping gas today, this 17 year old, driving a Hummer, was on his cell phone next to me.

He had this comment to the lucky recipient on the other line,

"Listen yo. You got that cash, I am gonna tell ya, you are gonna get that ass."

I came home and told my wife, who said, "Oh yeah, how is that working out for you?" Maybe it's just me, but Hummers are the epitome of excess in my eyes. As a friend of mine says in his wonderfully dry, sarcastic timbre when someone drives by in one "wow, he must have a really big penis". And a 17 year old had daddy and mommy buy one... and he's on the cell phone... and talking about how cash'll get him sex... If aliens come and destroy the planet because they see nothing of worth here, it'll be because of people like this, telemarketers, and reality tv.

SI

[Draft Dodger]

*serious answer alert*
++ to the recommendation to check the depression medicne. I have a friend (no, really) who is taking some anti-anxiety medication, and it's reduced her sex-drive to almost nothing. or maybe that's just what she said to get me to stop flirting.

due to scheduling conflicts, my wife and I have difficulty, um, hooking up sometimes. during the week, I don't get home from work until after midnight, and she's sound asleep by then. and she is definitely not a night owl, so even on the weekends, if we go to bed to late, she's may too tired to do anything. it sounds dorky and very non-spontaneous, but we'll often "schedule" stuff, especially if it's been a while. no PDAs are needed for this, just a little "do you have plans for tonight" line dropped over breakfast, and that seems to work out pretty well.

don't know what to tell you about the kids barging in, though.

[Ksyrup]

I feel your pain. I think this is something that most married couples go through, and I'm sure it's not very... wait, hold on a second. Did something seem strange about that last paragraph? Can we wind that back for a second?

Wh... what? You watch Becker? At 10:00 at night? On purpose? And your wife stays up late to share this moment with you?

I... it's... there are no words.
I was going to comment on this, but figured I shouldn't kick a man while he's down.

[TargetPractice6]

"don't know what to tell you about the kids barging in, though."

Lock the door?

[Airhog]

When did shorty become our sex expert? I thought he only knew the kind of joy a man or boy in this case gets with his hand. I fully expect satan to rise any day now :D

[Buccaneer]

Not only happiness of the marriage and the amount/age of nearby kids but age of the couple as well. Here's to wishing my wife and I were 20 years younger. But weekend nights are good, even for us older folks.

[Eaglesfan27]

*serious answer alert*

due to scheduling conflicts, my wife and I have difficulty, um, hooking up sometimes. during the week, I don't get home from work until after midnight, and she's sound asleep by then. and she is definitely not a night owl, so even on the weekends, if we go to bed to late, she's may too tired to do anything. it sounds dorky and very non-spontaneous, but we'll often "schedule" stuff, especially if it's been a while. no PDAs are needed for this, just a little "do you have plans for tonight" line dropped over breakfast, and that seems to work out pretty well.

don't know what to tell you about the kids barging in, though.

I think scheduling "stuff" is a must, particularly if you have kids or even if you both have busy work schedules. Of course, if the opportunity arises for extra spontaneous "stuff" that is always good too ;)

[Glengoyne]

I think scheduling "stuff" is a must, particularly if you have kids or even if you both have busy work schedules. Of course, if the opportunity arises for extra spontaneous "stuff" that is always good too ;)
{TMI_ALERT} I know I made a reservation first thing when I walked in this evening.{/TMI_ALERT}

[FBPro]

20+ years of marriage and typically 2 times a week sometimes more if our schedules allow. :)

[StormcloudCreations]

I feel your pain. I think this is something that most married couples go through, and I'm sure it's not very... wait, hold on a second. Did something seem strange about that last paragraph? Can we wind that back for a second?

Wh... what? You watch Becker? At 10:00 at night? On purpose? And your wife stays up late to share this moment with you?

I... it's... there are no words.

Hey, this could be it! Mediocre, dull sitcoms can really kill an intimate moment. :D

[haji1]

I know it is sort of sad, but we really do like Becker. I have no idea why, but it has brought my wife to tears at times she laughs so hard. The kids are asleep so they aren't bothering us. It probably is the only time we get to watch something without them being a distraction. The rest of the time we are careful as to what we watch with the kids around. Or else we have to watch Winnie, Scooby, or Strawberry Shortcake. That helps the old sex life let me tell you. I actually get excited when they pop in a Pokeman tape. And I don't me excited in "that" way :)

It is either that or the news, yuck. Ever watch the news in South Dakota? A cow getting loose grabs the headlines.

[thesloppy]

I'll second everybody who advised learning about you wife's medication. I had a grilfriend who had quite an anxiety problem (no depression, but generally a lot of the same meds are used). It's odd that this seems to be the first you've heard of it, as reduced sex-drive is one of the biggest complaints of a lot of women who use anti-depressants...perhaps your wife's doc didn't make that clear to her. Obviously, treating her depression should be your first priority, but as EaglesFan mentioned there are additional meds she can take to offset the reduction in sex drive. For whatever it's worth, my girlfriend swore that Prozac and particularly Zoloft reduced her sex-drive to literally nothing, whereas Paxil didn't effect it at all....I might be mixing up the names, but the point is that some of those medications can have a truly severe effect on a woman's sex drive, and I really think that should be your first plan of attack.

Afterall, if her sex-drive is getting short-circuited by medication, you'll just be watching Oxygen and reading self-help books for no reason, when you could just as easily be tapping that ass from the back-side whilst you both enjoy the comedy stylings of Ted Danson.

[Bonegavel]

After X years of marraige, you are no longer her 'Knight in Shining Armor" (hell, you aren't even a squire) and where she saw herself in X years wasn't knee deep in baby shit and her only company being children whose biggest worries are "Mom, he's touching me!" You couldn't pay me enough to watch kids all day.

Don't get me wrong, I love my daughter more anything on this earth and she is the one being on this planet for which i wouldn't hesitate to give my life for, but kids are more work than anything you could ever possibly imagine. Of course, that is if you care. There are some out there that don't give a shit and instead leave their wives/husbands at home while they go out and do "their thing" every night and that just isn't right.

I think it is a normal evolution of a relationship that when kids come around, the relationship between the couple shifts its focus onto the children and, right or wrong, that is all that matters. I am suprised that marraiges can withstand children because if you thought you fought before kids, just wait. The stress it puts on everything is incalculable, but luckily it is offset by the joy the kids bring into your life. Nothing warms the soul as when your 4 year old daughter runs up to hug you, buries her head in your shoulder (probably wiping snots on you the entire time) and says "Daddy, I love you."

Those are the times that allow you to look beyond the broken bonds with your spouse. You just hope that one day, when the kids are grown, your relationship will auto-magically fix itself to what it was when you actually looked forward to spending time with the wife instead of seeing what is on the television or firing up a game on the PC. Or, you just hope that Ksyrup is still practicing law and can help you make sure you don't lose your shirt in the pending divorce.

[Ksyrup]

No no no...I stay FAR away from family law. At my old firm, we had one lady who practiced family law, and we put her office near the entrance so that in the event a client or client's pissed off ex-spouse came looking for her, they wouldn't have to shoot through the rest of us to find her. No thanks.

[Bonegavel]

No no no...I stay FAR away from family law. At my old firm, we had one lady who practiced family law, and we put her office near the entrance so that in the event a client or client's pissed off ex-spouse came looking for her, they wouldn't have to shoot through the rest of us to find her. No thanks.
Was kind of hoping you would make exceptions for the FOFC.

[Ksyrup]

I'm afraid I'd end up being a witness, once this message board becomes Exhibit A for the spouse...

[Bonegavel]

Nice.

All in all, my hat is off to any and all that still manage kids, work, and hoochie koochie action regardless of time serv- I mean, years married.

[CamEdwards]

your daughter is 17? where do you live again?

I'm sorry Shorty. I showed her your picture and I believe her response was "I'd rather eat my own vomit with a rusty fork than let that Hobbit touch me."

[Samdari]

We have three kids (17, 13, and 4), so she's dealing with a hormonal teenage girl, a surly teenage boy, and a clingy toddler age boy... all day long. I think she might have had more energy when she was working.

You have a 17 year old daughter???

Does she babysit?

Goodness, but I am old.

[WSUCougar]

I'm sorry Shorty. I showed her your picture and I believe her response was "I'd rather eat my own vomit with a rusty fork than let that Hobbit touch me."
If I'd have been drinking anything, it would have showered the keyboard after that little gem.

[Fritz]

When my wife and kids first moved to Virginia, it was like we were newlyweds. Then again, we'd seen each other only sporadically for the past three months. After a few weeks it started to go back to normal. For the past couple of weeks, it's been nonexistent because of several factors:


I so want to call Cams show and say "so cam, I read that your aren;t getting any."

Evil Fritz whispers in my ear loudly some days

[Draft Dodger]

wait a minute, Cam. you have a 17 year old daughter...and you just turned 30????

[Ben E Lou]

wait a minute, Cam. you have a 17 year old daughter...and you just turned 30????From the pics of Cam's kids, it is a reasonably safe assumption that they were his wife's from a previous relationship. ;)

[Draft Dodger]

From the pics of Cam's kids, it is a reasonably safe assumption that they were his wife's from a previous relationship. ;)

they are cute? they have hair?

[Ben E Lou]

Well, I guess they could be adopted...

[Fritz]

sometimes people in india are born with blue eyes

[MizzouRah]

Wow, missed this one, but I share similar thoughts to haji1.

The first date with my wife, she came over to my apartment after work and I had a movie and a bottle of pre-mixed margaritas, later that night I told her I would sleep on the couch and she could sleep in my bed. She replies, "We're both adults, come sleep with me." Awesome night of sex..

From then on we had sex 2-3 times most days (she had a daughter from a previous releationship who was 2 at the time), ahhh.. the dating days.

We got married on May 19th, 2001 and sex was still great until...........we had Shelby the following May and well, sex has went from 3-4 times a week to about 2-3 times a month, sometimes 2-3 times in 2 months.

It's definitly the little one, no doubt about it. Although your case sounds quite serious.


Todd

[Balldog]

On topic, I was married once. She had sex, I didn't. Hence the was.

[Fritz]

That is what to expect when you get married. I hear some men complain because they only get it once or twice a week. Cry me a river.

fwiw, I know a guy with a sock you can borrow

[Eaglesfan27]

This thread has got me re-thinking the whole trying to get pregnant thing ;)

[Samdari]

This thread has got me re-thinking the whole trying to get pregnant thing ;)

There is a good side to it. The daily sex for up to two weeks at a time is really, really cool.

[Bonegavel]

There is a good side to it. The daily sex for up to two weeks at a time is really, really cool.
Unless you're like my wife. Charts and diagrams and prenatal pills and calanders and thermometers. She had everything so planned that she became pregnant on our first try.

[Eaglesfan27]

Unless you're like my wife. Charts and diagrams and prenatal pills and calanders and thermometers. She had everything so planned that she became pregnant on our first try.

If we start "trying" we won't do any of that stuff. She'll just stop taking the pill and we'll continue our regular activities :)

[Bonegavel]

If we start "trying" we won't do any of that stuff. She'll just stop taking the pill and we'll continue our regular activities :)
Smart man. Don't let science and innovation take the place of good old hard work.

[stevew]

That, mixed with the fact that neither of you can look at each other without wanting to punch the other square in the face.

Sadly I know this feeling dude.

[Arles]

Simple solution: Have your wife start monitoring and posting on FOFC. ;)

[Farrah Whitworth-Rahn]

Simple solution: Have your wife start monitoring and posting on FOFC. ;)

Two words:

Guest Room :mad:

[Arles]

Two words:

Guest Room :mad:
Even better solution for sex: pick fights with the wife :cool:

[Eaglesfan27]

Even better solution for sex: pick fights with the wife :cool:

So true :cool:

[Glengoyne]

Simple solution: Have your wife start monitoring and posting on FOFC. ;)
I went into my office last night, and found my wife reading this very thread. She almost created her own account to ask Shorty what his chances of "getting some" were tonight.

[Samdari]

Two words:

Guest Room :mad:

Just a quick question Farrah - how many nights in the guest room is resigning from your wife's company worth?

EDIT: Oh yeah, when I am being banished, Mrs Samdari insists I go to the couch. Apparently the guest room is not uncomfortable enough to be considered punishment. You are a lucky guy Arlie.

[Ben E Lou]

Two words:

Guest Room :mad:I heart Farrah.

EDIT: And I heart Arlie too. I had to say that, 'cause I don't want Arlie to put me on the mrskippy-led Farrah-Stalker list. :p

[Farrah Whitworth-Rahn]

Just a quick question Farrah - how many nights in the guest room is resigning from your wife's company worth?

EDIT: Oh yeah, when I am being banished, Mrs Samdari insists I go to the couch. Apparently the guest room is not uncomfortable enough to be considered punishment. You are a lucky guy Arlie.

He didn't spend one night in the guest room for resigning. I'm going to make him pay for that one in jewelry. Or another dog. Haven't decided which one yet. :D

[bigbadraidersfan]

I heart Farrah.

EDIT: And I heart Arlie too. I had to say that, 'cause I don't want Arlie to put me on the mrskippy-led Farrah-Stalker list. :p

If I remember correctly, didn't mrskippy vote "Too bad she's married" and say that going after married woman isn't his style. Now, if he shows up at her door in Phoenix, I'd be worried.

[Flame Eater]

This is a great thread!



We've been married for 16 years.



We have three great kids.



What the hell is the SEX thing you guys are talking about?

[bigbadraidersfan]

This is a great thread!



We've been married for 16 years.



We have three great kids.



What the hell is the SEX thing you guys are talking about?

Three great kids = you had sex three times.

[scc27]

Three great kids = you had sex three times.
Triplets = you had sex one time

[Franklinnoble]

Triplets = you had sex one time
Kids look like the pool boy = you had no sex

[bigbadraidersfan]

Three Kids + No Sex = Adoption or she cheated on you

[korme]

I went into my office last night, and found my wife reading this very thread. She almost created her own account to ask Shorty what his chances of "getting some" were tonight.
my odds were probably slightly higher than glengoyne's

[korme]

Triplets = you had sex one time
triplets = you wacked it once and it got on the bed and she rolled over into it and it when inside

[SunDancer]

Ok, back to serious advice.

The amount of sex you'll have in marriage is directly proportionate to how well the marriage is working. When my wife and I were on the outs, we almost never had it. Everytime we did, we both enjoyed it, but I think subconsiously we didn't really want to have sex because we weren't that close in the day-to-day interactions.

Now, we have it a lot more because we're doing a lot better.

This is only semi-on-topic, but I have to tell you that having her stay at home and take care of the house is the best damned decision we ever made. She's not stressed out about the housework all the time because she has all day to do it. As she says, she has one job now, not two. She takes it seriously and the house looks great (or it will once we get unpacked). Dinner's ready, home-cooked and tasty on a timely basis. She's not stressed out and lost 40 lbs - she looks great now.

I don't have to worry about the housework either, so my life is in order once I get home. I get far more time with the family and I'm not stressed out either.

The kid gets a lot of time with his mommy and isn't in day care. He loves it.

Yea, you HAVE to make some financial sacrifices in your life, but it's well worth it. Fuck the rat race - enjoy your life instead. You'll find you don't really miss the money.

Case in point...we just moved to Charlotte...have boxes everywhere. If we were both working, we would have busted our ass to get everything unpacked this weekend because we'd both have to return to work. We probably wouldn't have cooked and been so stressed out that we would have killed each other.

Instead, she's at home. So we didn't stress out to get it done and took the kid hiking yesterday, played on the PC yesterday afternoon and watched a movie last night.

Guess which way you're likely to have more sex? :)

So a stay-at-home-wife makes for a better marriage-sex life?

[finkenst]

So a stay-at-home-wife makes for a better marriage-sex life?
re-read the first post of the thread. :)

[PilotMan]

I really have to echo Blackie's statements here. We have been married for almost 4 yeas. We have 3 kids (one her's before we met, I later adopted), and I travel constantly. My wife stays home and our quality of life is excellent. I don't think we would be nearly as happy as if she worked. The kids are happier and more well adjusted since they get to be home with mom. The hardest part is that she has the tendency to stay home and never go outside for days on end.

Anyway back on the sex thing. Something just isn't working with the two of you. It is certaily not normal. You are at the seven year itch though and it will take some work to get by it. Communication is a big one, got to have it. We don't have sex as much as I would like but my wife puts me at the top of the list of the horniest men on the planet. (Note to Shorty: Women can give GREAT handjobs!)

Kids will wear you out, and lack of personal time between the two of you can shrink to the point that it no longer exists. When that happens you can get into trouble, you need to make time to be together! We went through a spell where my wife and I went on less than 5 "dates" in an entire year. That sucked!

Oh well, just rambling now, good luck, I may be better for advice later.

[SunDancer]

re-read the first post of the thread. :)

Alright, thanks. I missed the beginning quickly. Interesting prespectives.

[haji1]

Well, had the vasectomy today, and honestly, sex is about the last thing on my mind. I have to give him a "sample" in two months to check if there is any sperm. I hope this works right, because I don't want to have to go through that again. :eek:

He had a female student come in and observe and assist. Asked me if it was ok, and I had no problem with it, other than I was afraid I would ruin her for other men :p

At one point I am sure she was squeezing onto my right nut to keep it out of the way, I am sure that it was all part of the procedure, but it hurt like heck. I wonder if she was extracting some pleasure from watching this happen to a man and thought she would get her own shot in. Just kidding of course.

Still, the way things feel right now, the last thing I want to even think about is sex, any sudden moves down there and I will regret it.

I know, probably too much information.

[Solecismic]

The biggest issue, IMO, is scheduling. My wife and I are nearing eight years of marriage. When we're on the same schedule and moderately rested, it's hard to go more than a night or two without it. When I'm going to bed within a couple of hours of her getting up, it's tougher. I'm a true night-owl and get most of my work done after midnight. Now that we have a kid, she has to get to bed earlier.

[SunDancer]

The biggest issue, IMO, is scheduling. My wife and I are nearing eight years of marriage. When we're on the same schedule and moderately rested, it's hard to go more than a night or two without it. When I'm going to bed within a couple of hours of her getting up, it's tougher. I'm a true night-owl and get most of my work done after midnight. Now that we have a kid, she has to get to bed earlier.

Forget Sex....Keep working on the next Solecismic creation. I'm sure its just as good. :)

[bigbadraidersfan]

Forget Sex....Keep working on the next Solecismic creation. I'm sure its just as good. :)

Front Office Sex

Jim's answer to the upcoming Playboy game.

[PilotMan]

I think that needs its own thread!

[Samdari]

I'm going to make him pay for that one in jewelry.

You are vicious. I like that in women. At least, I like it in other people's wives.

[CamEdwards]

I hope Farrah never meets my wife. In seven years of marriage I've never had to sleep in the guest room or buy expensive jewelry as a means of apologizing. Something tells me Farrah would change all that. :)

[Farrah Whitworth-Rahn]

I hope Farrah never meets my wife. In seven years of marriage I've never had to sleep in the guest room or buy expensive jewelry as a means of apologizing. Something tells me Farrah would change all that. :)

Don't worry Cam, it's not contagious. I think it's genetic. Feistyness runs through the female DNA in my family. All first born females have it.Your wife is safe. :)

[Farrah Whitworth-Rahn]

You are vicious

Naw, I'm really an old softie at heart. Afterall, the guest bed is a nice big fluffy pillow top. :)

[SunDancer]

Front Office Sex

Jim's answer to the upcoming Playboy game.

I can see it now. Time schedules, how to find the right person (with differnet ratings-stamina, flexibility, emotion, ect.), motivational tools, ect...But could always play the Sims.

[Solecismic]

Given the persistent whining from reviewers about how little I care about poofy graphics in games, I think I'll stay away from Front Office Fornication (must remain as alliterative as possible). The reviewers would produce a collective cow. And probably be right in that case.

Not that it wouldn't be an interesting game. It's just that I market to people with imaginations, and right now, the porn market leaves nothing to the imagination. Women are even encouraged to eradicate every single encroaching follicle, because apparently some men can't find the target otherwise.

[Ben E Lou]

Given the persistent whining from reviewers about how little I care about poofy graphics in games, I think I'll stay away from Front Office Fornication (must remain as alliterative as possible). The reviewers would produce a collective cow. And probably be right in that case.

Not that it wouldn't be an interesting game. It's just that I market to people with imaginations, and right now, the porn market leaves nothing to the imagination. Women are even encouraged to eradicate every single encroaching follicle, because apparently some men can't find the target otherwise.Gold! :Dhttp://dynamic2.gamespy.com/%7Efof/images/icons/icon14.gif

[vtbub]

New this fall from Solecismic Software:

Front Office Plastic Surgery.

NO MORE ENCROACHING FOLLICLE'S!

[Franklinnoble]

The biggest issue, IMO, is scheduling. My wife and I are nearing eight years of marriage. When we're on the same schedule and moderately rested, it's hard to go more than a night or two without it. When I'm going to bed within a couple of hours of her getting up, it's tougher. I'm a true night-owl and get most of my work done after midnight. Now that we have a kid, she has to get to bed earlier.
Given the persistent whining from reviewers about how little I care about poofy graphics in games, I think I'll stay away from Front Office Fornication (must remain as alliterative as possible). The reviewers would produce a collective cow. And probably be right in that case.

Not that it wouldn't be an interesting game. It's just that I market to people with imaginations, and right now, the porn market leaves nothing to the imagination. Women are even encouraged to eradicate every single encroaching follicle, because apparently some men can't find the target otherwise.
Seeing as how the NFL pre-season has just started, and we're all going nuts with anticipation over what "the next game" will be, I think we should all begin an in-depth analysis of these posts to determine the hidden clues that Jim is giving us with regards to the status of his current project.

[Sharpieman]

He mentioned his wife was a nymph before, maybe there is something to that.

Also, how do you classify a nymph? A chick who likes to get stuffed like a turkey maybe once a day?

[sachmo71]

Given the persistent whining from reviewers about how little I care about poofy graphics in games, I think I'll stay away from Front Office Fornication (must remain as alliterative as possible). The reviewers would produce a collective cow. And probably be right in that case.

Not that it wouldn't be an interesting game. It's just that I market to people with imaginations, and right now, the porn market leaves nothing to the imagination. Women are even encouraged to eradicate every single encroaching follicle, because apparently some men can't find the target otherwise.

Isn't that why they call it a landing strip? :D

And I think I just figured something out about my marriage. I pick fights with my wife hoping for makeup sex. That's the BEST!

[sachmo71]

He mentioned his wife was a nymph before, maybe there is something to that.

Also, how do you classify a nymph? A chick who likes to get stuffed like a turkey maybe once a day?


Dola...

A nymph is a small woodland fairy, I believe. Poor guy.

[WSUCougar]

Front Office Fornication (must remain as alliterative as possible).
But think of the possibilities! Booms and busts, quickness, 4th quarter heroics, endurance ratings...the framework's all there.

[rkmsuf]

But think of the possibilities! Booms and busts, quickness, 4th quarter heroics, endurance ratings...the framework's all there.

"Ohh tough break. He's out for 327 weeks with herpes simplex 5..."

[CamEdwards]

Given the persistent whining from reviewers about how little I care about poofy graphics in games, I think I'll stay away from Front Office Fornication (must remain as alliterative as possible). The reviewers would produce a collective cow. And probably be right in that case.

Not that it wouldn't be an interesting game. It's just that I market to people with imaginations, and right now, the porn market leaves nothing to the imagination. Women are even encouraged to eradicate every single encroaching follicle, because apparently some men can't find the target otherwise.

And Jim is able to give us this in-depth examination of current day porn because...?

[rkmsuf]

if you are having difficulties perhaps the professor can help:

http://www.nres.uiuc.edu/faculty/directory/chow_p.html

[Flasch186]

"Ohh tough break. He's out for 327 weeks with herpes simplex 5..."



LOL

[kcchief19]

With having a job and a life and all, monitoring every thread on FOFC is quite a chore. When a thread gets over a couple of pages, it becomes impossible to me to invest the time necessary to absorb all the material.

But I have found that if you scan these long threads for any post by Maple Leafs, Senators and Solecisimic, plus keep tabs on the Rahns, you will get all the entertainment and enjoyment you need. Carry on.

[Mac Howard]

Eleven pages about married sex. Could this be "much ado about nothing"? :D

[haji1]

[QUOTE=haji1]Well, had the vasectomy today, and honestly, sex is about the last thing on my mind. I have to give him a "sample" in two months to check if there is any sperm. I hope this works right, because I don't want to have to go through that again. :eek:


Oops, some famous last words there. :(

[oliegirl]

OK, I have a question...in reading the comments from guys about "scheduled sex", I am wondering how your wife feels about that. I have never heard of such a thing, and I know married people and none of them have ever mentioned this...is this what radii and I have to look forward to? Do you open your palm pilots over breakfast and say "how about tonight, I have soccer practice until 7, dinner at 7:30, kids in bed by 8:30, so by 8:45 I'll be waiting with my legs spread??? I am not trying to be crude or anything, I just really don't get the whole concept of "scheduling" sex...

My other question is this...certainly in all the years of living together, you have caught on to each others "hints"...the things she does that mean she is thinking about sex. Isn't it possible that she is trying to start something and you are just not paying enough attention? I don't know any women who like sex to be "planned" or "scheduled", sex is supposed to just happen. We have my son in the apartment and while it's a concern that he'll hear, I know that by 9:30 or so he is so passed out that nothing would wake him.

[Balldog]

....by 8:45 I'll be waiting with my legs spread...

:)

[cuervo72]

Hints? Hmm, I've known my wife for about 10 years now, and I don't know if I've ever detected any "hints".

[sachmo71]

In our house, it's not a schedule. Kids asleep? Then there's a chance, if we aren't too tired.

[Ksyrup]

I think this snippet of a lyric adequately describes our bedroom situation:

When we're alone and you're in the mood, it's time to get our freak on,
But when we're alone and I'm in the mood, you tell me, 'Put that thing away!'

Seriously, though, we don't "schedule" sex per se, since sleep trumps all, but whether we're in the mood or not at the time, we'll (I'll) usually mention something earlier in the day to at least get the idea floating in her head, so that if the planets align, it might happen.

[Balldog]

The only hints my ex would give are:

"You wanna do it?"
Which we did it so rarely I didn't know what she meant, do what? Dishes, Laundry, Mow???

OR

"Lets have sex."