OT:Top 10 Most Ridiculous Black Metal Pictures Of All Time

[Hurst2112]

Didn't see this posted here.

Funny stuff. Make sure to read the captions.

hxxp://www.ruthlessreviews.com/top10/10blackmetal.html

[heybrad]

I know nothing about black metal, but that was some funny stuff.

[Franklinnoble]

I think his review of Commando was even better.

htxp://www.ruthlessreviews.com/80saction/commando.html

[Ksyrup]

I saw that last week. Pretty funny. I can handle a bit of Dimmu Borgir - but just a bit. I enjoy the orchestrated stuff quite a lot.

[Suicane75]

I have no idea who any of those people are, but that was a damn funny read.

[DeToxRox]

Dimmu and their diehard fans are a joke. I can't begin to fathom dressing up like that in 90 degree weather for Ozzfest. It's a joke.

[Ksyrup]

Dimmu and their diehard fans are a joke. I can't begin to fathom dressing up like that in 90 degree weather for Ozzfest. It's a joke.
I know. That stuff is ridculous. They're like the death metal version of Juggalos.

[Buccaneer]

I have thought it was called Death Metal? That's why Black Metal in the title confused me.

[DeToxRox]

Ha, good call Ksy.

Don't get me started on ozzfest though. Slipknot fans are the most idiotic people ever. It made going in the pit that much more fun, because they are bad ass kids who upon entering the pit feel invincible, and soon learn they aren't.

[DeToxRox]

Death metal is growling vocals with blast beat drums, and lyrics about aborted fetuses. Black metal is high voices with old school power metal music with lyrics about demons, occult, etc.

[Ksyrup]

I have thought it was called Death Metal? That's why Black Metal in the title confused me.
Sub-sub-genre of a sub-genre.

[Ksyrup]

Death metal is growling vocals with blast beat drums, and lyrics about aborted fetuses. Black metal is high voices with old school power metal music with lyrics about demons, occult, etc.
There's a bit of overlap, though. Dimmu has mostly "cookie monster" vocals and blast beat drums. When they keep the crappy vocals to a minimum and overlay the riffage with orchestra, I love it.

Unfortunately, they don't do that all too often, and the theatrics are sophmoric and distracting.

[Buccaneer]

Death metal is growling vocals with blast beat drums, and lyrics about aborted fetuses. Black metal is high voices with old school power metal music with lyrics about demons, occult, etc.
Thanks for the clarification. It does sound like these bands are just Ozzfest guys playing dress up for the kids. Looks really hokey to me.

A veteran of the Headbanger's Ball.

[DeToxRox]

Yeah, black and death are basically cousins of each other.

Last death band I saw I liked was Suffocation, and that's pretty old school.

Also, black metal is basically from Scandanavia. Death metal is all over.

[Ksyrup]

Ha, good call Ksy.

Don't get me started on ozzfest though. Slipknot fans are the most idiotic people ever. It made going in the pit that much more fun, because they are bad ass kids who upon entering the pit feel invincible, and soon learn they aren't.
For some reason, King's X had a band called Zug Island open for them the last time I saw them. They're signed to the Insane Clown Posse's label. Awful stuff, depressing lyrics about suicide and killing people, aimed at teens - the singer was wearing a priest's collar for shock value, all of the guys except the singer had black hoods over their heads, etc. Their fans came dressed to the hilt - makeup, Juggalos clothes, hair painted, you name it. It was embarrassing. I'm pretty sure only a few of them even knew who Jug Island was - they were just into them because they were part of the ICP crowd.

[DeToxRox]

If anyone hear has heard of Cradle of Filth (they are in the top 10 black metal photos), they're perhaps the worst band I've ever heard. My opinion anyway.

[DeToxRox]

For some reason, King's X had a band called Zug Island open for them the last time I saw them. They're signed to the Insane Clown Posse's label. Awful stuff, depressing lyrics about suicide and killing people, aimed at teens - the singer was wearing a priest's collar for shock value, all of the guys except the singer had black hoods over their heads, etc. Their fans came dressed to the hilt - makeup, Juggalos clothes, hair painted, you name it. It was embarrassing. I'm pretty sure only a few of them even knew who Jug Island was - they were just into them because they were part of the ICP crowd.

ugh, being from Berkley (ICP was formed in Royal Oak, 5 minutes away), I am in Juggalo central. They travel in packs, and fight in packs, it's stupid. Some ICP label band was at St. Andrews before when I was at the Shelter (Shelter is the basement of St. Andrews) and they tried starting a fight with the hardcore kids there.. It just so happens that some of these guys they fought were in the gang FSU (Friends Stand United). They don't have a Detroit chapter but it was a Blood for Blood show I was at (And these guys are in the gang), so their buddies were with them. Needless to say, the Juggalos got taken out badly. As bad as it sounds, I laughed and laughed and laughed.

[Buccaneer]

For some reason, King's X had a band called Zug Island open for them the last time I saw them. They're signed to the Insane Clown Posse's label. Awful stuff, depressing lyrics about suicide and killing people, aimed at teens - the singer was wearing a priest's collar for shock value, all of the guys except the singer had black hoods over their heads, etc. Their fans came dressed to the hilt - makeup, Juggalos clothes, hair painted, you name it. It was embarrassing. I'm pretty sure only a few of them even knew who Jug Island was - they were just into them because they were part of the ICP crowd.
I prefered King's X touring with Fishbone. That was pretty cool.

[Ksyrup]

Best black/death metal band there is, hands down, is Opeth. No one is even close, frankly. They use the cookie monster vocals, but they also use clean vocals and harmonies, and the music is without peer - intelligent, interesting, not the same crap that was around 20 years ago. They're so good that I've learned to live with the death metal-style vocals, because the good stuff is outstanding. And because the clean vocals work so well, they actually enhance the death-style vocals by contrast.

They are heavily influenced by, and work closely with, Steven Wilson of Porcupine Tree, so the mellow stuff they intersperse throughout their songs has definite Pink Floyd quality to it.

[Ksyrup]

I prefered King's X touring with Fishbone. That was pretty cool.
Yeah, that was a great matchup. I've got a couple of bootlegs where they jam together. Fishbone has sorta broke up, or most of the main guys just left the band, so things are up in the air right now. KX is going back on tour starting in September, and I don't know who they are touring with. But they are doing one gig in NY with Motorhead, which is an interesting pairing.

[Buccaneer]

By the way, this may come as a shock to some of you, but if you were to check back about 15 years ago in The Pit from Mosh Pit Records, you would have seen my name.

[DeToxRox]

Opeth is a band I do listen to, and I think they're excellent.

Been stuck on hardcore/metalcore or however people feel the need to label it. I suggest the Dillinger Escape Plan's newest CD Miss Machine. It's got the intense screaming vocals but the music is insane. One of the most technichal CD's I've ever heard. They spent about a year before forming testing out to see what kind of music best suited them, and now they're one of the best bands I've heard in a long, long time.

[DeToxRox]

I am going to yell SLAYER for Buc.

if anyone has been to any rock show, they'll pick that up.

[mattwakeman]

Apologies for pulling this one up again but there is a nice follow up story from the site about 'fans' who were somewhat unhappy about Ruthless' less than reverent top 10 pictures: hxxp://ruthlessreviews.com/feedback/9.28.04a.html

or:

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Here is a letter I recently received from Finland in response to the Top Ten Most Ridiculous Black Metal Pics:

First of all! Immortal is the father of Black Metal!
What the fuck is your problem! Most Ridiculous Black metal poses? Most of those were the greatest BM poses!
You don't like metal?? *Fuck you!*
You don't like Immortal??*Fuck you!*
You don't like my attitude?*Fuck you!*
Metal was born before your miserable parents fucked you to this world! HAIL METAL!

From Members of Morloc, Winterage!

Mike from Hobart replies...

Wow! Just fucking wow! I mean, for even the most devout black metal fan to say that Abbath, with his pants unzipped, is the greatest black metal picture might honestly be the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard. Immortal, the “father” of black metal? Oh shit, Fenriz might have something to say about that. Don’t go pissing off the old guys now.

I’ve received boatloads of feedback for the top ten pics. I’ve had death threats sent to me. I’ve gotten praise from major record labels. I’ve been challenged on AOL instant messenger. I’ve even been called a faggoth. Yes, a faggoth!

But it’s feedback like this--from sloppy, ignorant, black metal poseurs that call themselves Morloc--that really makes me ashamed to be a fan of the music. Actually, a majority of the feedback I’ve received has been unintelligent and elementary in nature, a clear reflection of the current state of black metal and the degenerate hordes that follow it.

The passing of Emperor signaled the end of any intellectual, anti-Christian ideology that may have been characteristic of black metal at one time. The scene as it exists in 2004 is a sad one, rife with half-ass bands and dim-witted lowlife’s.

Let's face it, most committed black metal fans are under the age of 25 (most first generation black metal band members, in Immortal and Marduk for instance, are hitting early 30’s at this point), and probably 80% of those are under the age of 21, which means that the bulk of black metal fans in 2004 is comprised of teenagers who, most likely, have low self-esteem and have trouble forming healthy human relationships. So they find solace in the netherworld of black metal, an "extreme" form of music they bombard themselves with every night while they sit alone in their rooms, or their mother’s basements.

So essentially, the black metal fan-base consists of many, many, angry children. Hence, it's no surprise that black metal fans love the corpsepaint, spikes, shinguards, and overall theatrics that accompany the music. They are wowed by it, just as I am continuously wowed by the feedback I get. And that is why we have people like Morloc--angry children who are enthralled by big-name, black metal bands and seek to emulate them. That is how the scene is perpetuated.

Like death metal, black metal is an end unto itself. It started out as extreme as it was ever going to get. Sure, there have been bands to diversify, adding new and refreshing components to the music, just as in death metal, (if you consider the two to be different that is, which is another debate entirely). But, all in all, the scene is stale and there is very little room for maneuvering.

Black/death metal is a maggoty slab of meat at this point, best left for future listeners to consume. In the meantime, like any other refined and tasteful metal fan, I’ll just stick to my old Carcass, or Napalm, or Atrocity, or Marduk, or Dissection, or any other band that set the standard and cared enough about their music to make it last.

Mike
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Although I have no knowledge of what any of this music sounds like at all (and going from the pictures I have no desire to find out) fair play for what is a nasty but well written defence of the black-metal scene :D