OT - Wife/GF quotes

[Fritz]

On legalized prostitutes, and me not getting one:

"If some other woman touches your WING WONG it is so infidelity."

When a woman puts wing wong in an argument, its all over.

[Senator]

"Your making about as much sense as a breast feeding 2 month old."

- my GF to me after I was rambling incoherently after a 26 computer OS upgrade at work.

[Ctown-Fan]

Senator,

There are so many wonderful retorts to that one http://dynamic.gamespy.com/~fof/ubb/smile.gif However, I'm guessing you were to frazzled from work to think of any of them.

[Senator]

Yes, that should read "26 hour" OS upgrade. Many more than 26 computers.

And yes.... after as good rest I began a barrage of comments on her statement, none of which can be repeated here.

(the bruising is healing nicely around my eyes)

[SnowMan]

How about

"What is that on your..........?"

Talk about a rough day...

[Ctown-Fan]

Alright, I guess I'll share my story. This is how one former g/f of mine and I split.

This girl talked non-stop. I thought that I like to talk, but she could take first, second and third in an pointless chatter contest.

Anyway, during a two hour drive home I got the "You don't listen to anything I say," comment from her. This wasn't the first time I heard it. Generally, it would come out of her mouth everyday at some point. Well, I have an exceptional auditory memory (phonographic? http://dynamic.gamespy.com/~fof/ubb/smile.gif memory) and proceeded to repeat everything thing she had said over the course of the last 30 minutes.

Looking shocked, she started to apologize, I told her not to bother, dropped her off and that was it. I was so mad. I didn't get an advanced degree in communication, by not being able to listen.

Anyhow, that is the general w/gf quote that raises my cockels. Since today is V-Day and my most recent gf and I split a little over a month ago, I'm just a little bitter. And don't feel like sharing some of the funnier instances. Sorry.

However, I would kill to hear a story from QS about how he and his GF interact. Hint. Hint.

[primelord]

"Are you playing that stupid game again where you just put in all the numbers and don't actually play?"

- My fiance when I was yet again playing FOF http://dynamic.gamespy.com/~fof/ubb/smile.gif

[Raven]

"You'll never amount to anything"

.....no wait, that was my mother http://dynamic.gamespy.com/~fof/ubb/smile.gif

[ohmslaw]

"Not until you wash it."

She was referring to riding in my car. I hope.

[Blackadar]

Wife: "Why don't you just sleep with the computer!"

Me: "Um, I think I did"

After another 15 hour FOF marathon. http://dynamic.gamespy.com/~fof/ubb/smile.gif

Or my all-time favorite hate-filled comment from a past relationship...after I caught the girl going out with her ex-boyfriend:

Her: "You must think I'm some kind of whore."

Me: "No, at least whores are smart enough to do it for money!"

That was the end of that conversation...

[Fritz]

Sitting in a bar:

Ex: Fred, I am trying to break up with you.

Me: Quiet, I'm watching Hockey.

Seconf go around with same girl:

Ex: Fred, I am trying to break up with you.

Me: Not now, I need to get to Taco Bell before the lines get too long.

[Da Bears Fan]

Will you respect me in the morning?

242 posts, what the heck? Is this goal regulation size or what?

[This message has been edited by Da Bears Fan (edited 02-15-2001).]

[Critch]

"You're nothing but an immature, emotionally stunted, alcoholic"

That was from an ex. I crushed her with a witty "f*** you" in reply.

"My, I've never seen one that big before!!"

Ok, this one never happened.

[This message has been edited by Critch (edited 02-15-2001).]

[Shepp]

My girlfriend dumped me last week and this is what she had to say:

"Dave I still love to spend time with you and enjoy your company, I just don't want you in my life."

I just don't think I'll ever understand women.

[Wilzone]

One night after I had just bought PS2 and Madden 2001, my girlfriend was over and was watching me play my third consecutive game.

She eventually said: "Chris, if you had to choose between me and your PS2, which would you pick?"

I thought about it for a second and said: "I'd pick you, but only if the power was out."

It was a joke but lets just say I wasn't getting any lovin' for a while.

Wilzone

[Da Bears Fan]

My favorite which I had to hear once.

"I did sleep with him but I didn't want to hurt you."

[This message has been edited by Da Bears Fan (edited 02-15-2001).]

[petrochile]

I know this is a wife/GF quote thread, but I got a good one from my moms. She has called me "Son of a Bitch", and "MuthaF*****" several times when I have pissed her off. Keep in mind that this was my mom calling me this. http://dynamic.gamespy.com/~fof/ubb/smile.gif

[Buccaneer]

Getting home from work in which I spent all day reading and posting in forums and she has to deal with a very obnoxious, stubborn 3 yr old all day...

"Here Stephen, you take him, I'm going shopping."

I hear this every single weekday.

[Hunter]

Not from a GF/Wife, but decent comment...
"I'd call you a whore, but that would imply you had a job..."

[Double A]

Last night I asked the wife if she could show me how to post a photo here, so she looked at the forum and read some posts. Her response after reading a few...

'Congratulations. I see you've come across a hoard of smart asses just like your dumb ass fraternity brothers in college.'

I imagine the majority of you will most likely appreciate that comment. http://dynamic.gamespy.com/~fof/ubb/wink.gif

[Fritz]

My wife likes most of my "dumb ass fraternity brothers from college."

But thank you.

[Mustang]

Actual words from my ex-

Me: Could you at least explain to me why you want a divorce.

Ex-: I can't be with you because you aren't saved and I'm going to heaven and you aren't.

*sound of me laughing*

Me: So, if I said I was saved you would stay with me?

Ex-: Maybe.

Me: Sorry, just can't do it. Not me.

4 months later.. divorce.


Ahhh... isn't life grand???

[Marc Vaughan]

"Getting home from work in which I spent all day reading and posting in forums and she has to deal with a very obnoxious, stubborn 3 yr old all day..."
Yeah my wifes in a similar boat (one 21 month old and a 6 year old who's convinced shes a teenager) ....

Even worse 'cos I'm a games programmer she doesn't believe I ever actually 'work' (probably doesn't help when she rings me up and all she can hear are explosions from our UT game, but hey its a very stressful job and we've got to unwind somehow http://dynamic.gamespy.com/~fof/ubb/wink.gif ).

"Well, I have an exceptional auditory memory (phonographic? memory) and proceeded to repeat everything thing she had said over the course of the last 30 minutes."
Man I wish I was you, my wife calls that trick on me once in a while and even though I've been listening to her (and I have most of the time, honest) the best I can usually recant is the general gist of the conversation and the last few lines wprd for word.

Its enough to stop her lynching me, but if I could recite the last 30 minutes back to her, I think she'd be so shocked I'd probably get away with watching the soccer highlights without the usual 'chat' interruptions http://dynamic.gamespy.com/~fof/ubb/biggrin.gif

[Bing]

...In response to my purchase of a new subwoofer for the sound system last week (that we probably couldn't afford, but what the hell):

Me: Isn't that awesome. Can you feel it?

Wife: I feel it, and it's stupid.

I guess she wanted me to consult her before making that purchase. Oh well. Someday, she'll understand.

[Thadaleus]

Wife - "Why are you so addicted to your computer?"
Me - "Lets me do things I can't in real life."
Wife - "Can you have sex on the computer?"
Me - <pauses> "Umm, I'm sure it can be done, one way or another.. why?"
Wife - "oh.. because you won't be doing that in real life anytime soon."

[mckerney]

Congratulations. I see you've come across a hoard of smart asses just like your dumb ass fraternity brothers in college.

Wow, she thinks I'm smart!

[wignasty]

"Congratulations. I see you've come across a hoard of smart asses just like your dumb
ass fraternity brothers in college."

sweet, she talked about my ass.......

wignasty

------------------
Making a better America..... through paranoia

[This message has been edited by wignasty (edited 02-16-2001).]

[Double A]

"Everybody funny...now you funny too..."

I'll be plagerizing both of those comments next time she plays the 'smartass' card. Pending her reaction, you will both receive credit as the orginators.

[ohmslaw]

Another classic:

Me, playing CM: Hey, I got Seaman on my team.
GF: What?
Me: I got Seaman. On the computer.
GF: I'll get you a towel.

[sachmo71]

Wife: Will you come to be with me?
Me: Let me finish up what im doing.
Wife: How long?
Me: Coupla minutes.
Wife:Ok.
40 minutes later
Wife: Honey?
Me: WHAT!
Wife: Are you coming to bed?
Me: COUPLA MINUTES!
Wife: you said that 40 minutes ago!
Me: oops...
Wife: WHY DO YOU HAVE TO LIE?
Me: oops...
wife continues beratement for an hour, and I make some dumb comment which we have to "discuss". I get 2.5 hours of sleep...

Repeat scene every night, except weekends when I don't have to get up early the next day!

[ 06-28-2001: Message edited by: sachmo71 ]

[mh2365]

My wife is a little southern belle which I consistently make red-neck jokes about ... last night we were watching Justice Files and they made some comment about a guy taking a bath in a barrel .... well my wife says "I've taken a bath in a barrel" ..... I laughed so long I hurt myself when I finally quit laughing she'd rolled over and gone to sleep ... maybe you had to be there, but now no matter how stupid of a thing I've done I can say well you've taken a bath in a barrel hold on I'm laughing again

[Kodos-n-Kang]

I can't think of any funny quotes, but this merits bumping.

I did get an "anything you want, I'm yours tonight" offer the night of my senior prom, but I didn't take her up on it because my friend and his date were sleeping in the next bed. I figured that there'd be a chance for those kinds of things in the near future. A week or two later, it turns out that she is pregnant from our manager at McDonald's. I've always been thankful that I didn't take her up on her offer because then I'd wonder if the kid was mine... Whew! Close call! <IMG SRC="eek.gif" border="0">

[craptacular]

I just like how Wignasty posted on 2/16/01, despite having "registered" in June 2002 as member #2083. The database obviously just associates things by name.

[witko]

my girlfriend came by my jobsite one day and an electrician started giving her grief saying that she wasnt the girl he saw me with yesterday or something like that. without missing a beat she snapped off "that just means youre gonna get your ass kicked first for being the bearer of bad news." hehehe...you should have seen his jaw drop.

man i love that girl...

[oykib]

"not THERE"

[CamEdwards]

"You're playing football? Where are your little mannies?"

The wife on FOF-TCY.

[machoward]

Not from my wife but from the wife of a user. He had just finished a close World Cup semi-final match against Italy and he'd been offering a bit of verbal encouragement to his team when he sensed someone behind him. He looked around and saw his wife in the leaning against the doorway of his den and in mock amazement said "Do you know you're TALKING to that thing now?""

And a phone call from the wife of a user for an upgrade "And you sell one more game to my husband and I'm citing you as co-respondent in the divorce"

[ 08-26-2002: Message edited by: Mac Howard ]

[patman]

This isn't a quote, it's about the look that everyone knows about. When you start trying to explain WHY it's so cool to play FOF and TCY, and that the graphics aren't the cool part. The look, wow. You all know it, they have no idea what you are talking about.

[lathum]

I want you
I need you
But there aint no way I'm ever gonna love you


Oh wait, that was Meatloaf that said that.

Does it count if my ex looked like Meatloaf?

Just kidding, even thought I hope the Vain Bitch wakes up and looks like Meatloaf one day. Soon.

[B & B]

Originally posted by CamEdwards:
"You're playing football? Where are your little mannies?"

The wife on FOF-TCY.


LMAO <IMG SRC="smile.gif" border="0"> <IMG SRC="smile.gif" border="0"> <IMG SRC="smile.gif" border="0">

[Samdari]

Me: "Will you marry me?"

Her: "What are you doing?"

[bigjdotcom01]

My wife went to the store to pick up a few things and I asked her to pick up $40 from the ATM. She comes back with the groceries and hands me $45.

I said, "$Why $45?"

Wife's response (with a straight face), "The machine would only give out money in multiples of $5.

My Response....fell on the floor laughing! To this day, I cannot let that one go.

[Buzzbee]

Originally posted by sachmo71:
Wife: Will you come to be with me?
Me: Let me finish up what im doing.
Wife: How long?
Me: Coupla minutes.
Wife:Ok.
40 minutes later
Wife: Honey?
Me: WHAT!
Wife: Are you coming to bed?
Me: COUPLA MINUTES!
Wife: you said that 40 minutes ago!
Me: oops...
Wife: WHY DO YOU HAVE TO LIE?
Me: oops...
wife continues beratement for an hour, and I make some dumb comment which we have to "discuss". I get 2.5 hours of sleep...

Repeat scene every night, except weekends when I don't have to get up early the next day!

[ 06-28-2001: Message edited by: sachmo71 ]

Hey! What are YOU doing with MY wife?!?!?

[Hammer755]

Since moving to Houston a couple of months ago, my wife has been gracious enough to attend around 6-7 Astros games with me. The last time we went, the Stros brought in Billy Wagner to close out the game. As he was entering the game to Enter Sandman, my wife looks at me and says, "Billy Wagner is my favorite player."

Needless to say I was shocked, as I thought that the point of the game of baseball had suddenly hit my wife like a bolt of lightning and that she was actually starting to enjoy the game. She then finished the statement. "Billy Wagner is my favorite player . . . When he comes in, it means the Astros are winning, so there won't be a bottom of the 9th and we can leave earlier." <IMG SRC="frown.gif" border="0">

[Buzzbee]

Originally posted by oykib:
"not THERE"

Hey! You're with my wife TOO!?!?

[ 08-27-2002: Message edited by: Buzzbee ]

[Blade]

Originally posted by Patman:
This isn't a quote, it's about the look that everyone knows about. When you start trying to explain WHY it's so cool to play FOF and TCY, and that the graphics aren't the cool part. The look, wow. You all know it, they have no idea what you are talking about.

Heh...my Wife constantly says that she does not know why I play a game that I don't really play, whenever I have FOF or TCY going!

[bbor]

Her: Are you stupid??

Me:no...i'm WITH stupid

Me *running like hell*

[bbor]

Dola....

I forgot one

Her:you know what i don't understand?

Me:how you got so damn cute ?

Her and me:retiring to the bedroom <IMG SRC="wink.gif" border="0">

get's her every time

[kingnebwsu]

A half-relationship just ended with this girl I was dating. In the final "discussion" she said some truly nasty things (though not in a "nasty" voice per say).

Her: "I'm an ambitious person and I need to be surrounded by ambitious people."

Me: "I'm 23 years old, just put myself through five years of college, I'm getting my own apartment, and getting a promotion at work...(this next part I didn't say), "You're 22 years old, still living at home, don't have a job and are starting your third year of college."

This girl just has no f'in clue about reality <IMG SRC="smile.gif" border="0">

-Ben

Good thread bump.

[ColtCrazy]

me "I'm going to EB to get the new 2k3 game"
fiance "but you just got a football game"
me "but this is a different football game"
fiance "it's all the same, why do you need 2 games?"
me (in the typical, I can't believe you asked me that "duh" tone) "because they have different features, and I can play two different dynastys on them"
fiance "so this means I get to go shopping again, right?

She always seems to get a new wardrobe during football season.

For two years, she's always been my kicker in madden. the smallest player out there with long sleeves and gloves (she's constantly complaining about being cold) yet she's never impressed if I ask if she can raise her leg up as high as her video counterpart. *sigh*

[Shkspr]

An excerpt from the breakup with my old HS sweetheart:

He: "Okay, I won't get mad, I promise. Just tell me, how many times did you cheat on me with him?"

She: (thinks for a bit) "Ummm...six."

He: (spit-take) "Six? You've slept with him six times in the past two weeks?"

She: (recognition dawns) "Oh! Nononono! We've only been out twice so far. I thought you wanted to know how many times we did it last NIGHT."

He: (blinks) (blinks again)

[Fritz]

Hey - an old old post from me

On legalized prostitutes, and me not getting one:

"If some other woman touches your WING WONG it is so infidelity."

When a woman puts wing wong in an argument, its all over.

Hey, I had a wife back then!

There are so many wonderful retorts to that one [/ctown]

I miss Ctown

[quote=Fritz]Sitting in a bar:

Ex: Fred, I am trying to break up with you.

Me: Quiet, I'm watching Hockey.

Seconf go around with same girl:

Ex: Fred, I am trying to break up with you.

Me: Not now, I need to get to Taco Bell before the lines get too long.


Still one of my favorite stories

Will you respect me in the morning?

242 posts, what the heck? Is this goal regulation size or what?

who woulda thunk this guy would become a full service gas station attendant

"You're nothing but an immature, emotionally stunted, alcoholic"

In hindsight, I would tend to agree with her.

thought about it for a second and said: "I'd pick you, but only if the power was out."

It was a joke but lets just say I wasn't getting any lovin' for a while.


Wilzone the Calzone!

Congratulations. I see you've come across a hoard of smart asses just like your dumb ass fraternity brothers in college.'


She has his nuts now. Hope you are doing well Aaron (and Tanner)

My wife likes most of my "dumb ass fraternity brothers from college."

But not me so much, it seems.

...
godspeed crappy

[WSUCougar]

You dredged up this thread for that?

[Fritz]

you can be replaced

[NoMyths]

Stick the infidel in da chippah.

*tips his fotie for his homies lost and gone*

[Eaglesfan27]

I never saw this thread before.. some funny stuff in here :)

[Senator]

/pours out 40 ounce

[Franklinnoble]

Wow... we need a "where are they now" thread or something...

[Glengoyne]

Wow... we need a "where are they now" thread or something...
I haven't ever seen posts from some of those people before, but it seems like I should miss them.

Good Stuff.

[CAsterling]

Classic thread.
My small contribution.

Her : I think we should discuss getting married
Me : I'm only going to marry someone I love

Result, I'm single again !!!
Made a mental note never to say that again

[tucker342]

Some really funny stuff in this thread:D

[Leonidas]

The old classic:

My last boyfried was SOOO BIIGG! I'm glad you're smaller.

[JeffNights]

"Not until you wash it."

She was referring to riding in my car. I hope.


Hey that was my GF's quote to me too!!!



Sadly, it was not about riding in my car. :(

[Bearcat729]

The old classic:

My last boyfried was SOOO BIIGG! I'm glad you're smaller.



Sam Kinnison used to have a response to this one.

[duckman]

A fight between me and an ex-girlfriend:

Her: You little dick son of a bitch!
Me: Ever thought you have a big pussy?

Her: I DO NOT have a big pussy!
Me: Yeah, you do.

Her: No, I DON'T!
Me: Bitch, fucking you is like throwing a pencil down a hallway. You got a monstorous snatch!

She spitted in my face and ran out the front door. I guess I said something wrong. ;)

[pennywisesb]

A fight between me and an ex-girlfriend:

Her: You little dick son of a bitch!
Me: Ever thought you have a big pussy?

Her: I DO NOT have a big pussy!
Me: Yeah, you do.

Her: No, I DON'T!
Me: Bitch, fucking you is like throwing a pencil down a hallway. You got a monstorous snatch!

She spitted in my face and ran out the front door. I guess I said something wrong. ;)
Wow :eek: I don't know what else to say.

[duckman]

Wow :eek: I don't know what else to say.
My friends get a good laugh everytime I tell that story. :D

[Noop]

So you have a little dick and your bone'n a big pussy female?


Her : I am glad you came mister pool boy I am so hot.
Him: You sure are... Can I fuck
Her : Ok
* They Do It*
Her: Your dad blessed you.
Him: I know

[Fritz]

My college roomie likes to do this when he and whomever he is dating get in a public fight:

her: yakyakyakyakyakyakyakyakyakyakyakyakyakyakyakyakyakyakyak
him: how you can you argue with me when my dick has been in your mouth?

Ah, the look from her is usually priceless.

of course, we're older now and not near;y so juvinile....

[MacroGuru]

My college roomie likes to do this when he and whomever he is dating get in a public fight:

her: yakyakyakyakyakyakyakyakyakyakyakyakyakyakyakyakyakyakyak
him: how you can you argue with me when my dick has been in your mouth?

Ah, the look from her is usually priceless.

of course, we're older now and not near;y so juvinile....
Priceless

[tategter]

My college roomie likes to do this when he and whomever he is dating get in a public fight:

her: yakyakyakyakyakyakyakyakyakyakyakyakyakyakyakyakyakyakyak
him: how you can you argue with me when my dick has been in your mouth?

Ah, the look from her is usually priceless.

of course, we're older now and not near;y so juvinile....

Has your roomie ever developed a case of compressed nuts over that statement?

[Travis]

Heh, the girl to be scared of is the one that just stops talking, then within hours wants to get it on again. Oh, you know the revenge would be coming as soon as the aforementioned position is achieved.

Something tells me that would end the arguement fairly permanently.

[bbor]

My wife always says..."i could kill you and make it look like an accident"


uhhhh.....

[MacroGuru]

Another favorite in lines of killing, when it's PMS time.

"You know, I could kill you, and get off on grounds of temporary insanity, it has been tried and proven several times."

The part that scares me is 1)Is it true? and 2)Why is she researching this.

[tategter]

Heh, the girl to be scared of is the one that just stops talking, then within hours wants to get it on again. Oh, you know the revenge would be coming as soon as the aforementioned position is achieved.

Something tells me that would end the arguement fairly permanently.

This is why I was always a bit paranoid when my old psycho girlfriend offered a blowjob as part of makeup sex. My value would go down at least $4 mill.