Spring Break: Shark Attack . . .

[mhass]

commercials run and I keep waiting for the "won't save you any money on car insurance" line. At some point CBS is going to run an ad that says "Just kidding. You all thought we were serious about that piece of crap? Aww. Nooo. Those were just filling empty air slots."

[Kodos]

I think it looks funny as hell. Every time I see the ad, I bust out laughing. :)

[Lathum]

The special effects look great

[Honolulu Blue]

This one is from the producers of "Category 6: Day of Destruction", so you know it's gotta be good ;-)

It's must-see TV around this household.

[sovereignstar]

Starring Shannon Lucio, who USED TO BE on the OC and only on 5 or so episodes. On a show full of bad acting, she was probably the worst. Just a horrible actress.

[TLK]

Starring Shannon Lucio, who USED TO BE on the OC and only on 5 or so episodes. On a show full of bad acting, she was probably the worst. Just a horrible actress.
She'll be back by the end of the season.... not that I watch that crap.... http://dynamic2.gamespy.com/%7Efof/forums/images/smilies/wink.gif

[stevew]

When is this gonna be on? I love shitty made for tv movies.

[Honolulu Blue]

When is this gonna be on? I love shitty made for tv movies.

Sunday at 9 on CBS. Be there or a be an equilateral trapezoid.

[Karlifornia]

It's funny to hear Jim Nantz read the promo for Spring Break: Shark Attack. I was ready to drop money saying he was going to start laughing in the middle of it.

[Ragone]

Verne Lunquist starting laughing do the promo during the louisville game.. and he wasn't even doing the promo :)

[Easy Mac]

If it said "with the OC's Rachel Bilson" i'd bew all over it.

[Joe]

which one is Shannon Lucio? Is she the lesbian?

[Neuqua]

No, Ryan's new plain jane girlfriend this season.

[sovereignstar]

which one is Shannon Lucio? Is she the lesbian?

Nah, she's the red-headed twat that left a couple of shows ago. Hatcher could've played her part better.

[EagleFan]

I'm glad I'm not the only one expecting to see either the Energizer bunny or that dam gecko pop up during the commercials. That looks like such a piece of crap, unless you watch it for the "dear God I hope they're not serious" humor.

"Oh My God, there are about 100 sharks getting together and preparing to attack us." (rant about authenticity) Let's not worry about the placement of the dorsel fins ni that scene and the fact that many are just hovering in one place even though sharks have to keep moving to stay alive. (/end rant)

[Easy Mac]

Thats like complaining about porn because a nurse would never have a three-way with a teacher and a, FBI agent.

[dawgfan]

Thats like complaining about porn because a nurse would never have a three-way with a teacher and a, FBI agent.

Really? Damn!

[Scratches teacher and FBI agent off list of possible future jobs...]

[Easy Mac]

don't worry, you've still got "copy machine fixer" and "pizza guy" to aspire for.

[Desnudo]

Pool cleaner seems to be an in-demand job as well.

[stevew]

Bump, in case anyone forgets

[TLK]

Bump, in case anyone forgets
How could anyone forget about this epic?

[stevew]

How could anyone forget about this epic?


True dat. I believe cBS is on about a 35 minute delay due to overrun of the tourney.

[BrianD]

I'm planning on watching just to see how bad it is. I'm expecting it to be craptacular.

[sovereignstar]

Who got da popcorn?

[Suicane75]

Phew, for a moment there i thought it was preempted. At least now i can prepare for it.

[jbmagic]

i have not been this excited for a movie since Jaws. :)

[sovereignstar]

I wish I had some weeeeeeeeed, man.

[Suicane75]

Man, this Without A Trace is fuckin creepy, this ending is making me unsettled.

Errr, I guess it's Cold Case.

[sovereignstar]

SPRING BREAK SHARK ATTACK

This time CBS isn't fucking around.

http://www.cbs.com/specials/spring_break_shark_attack/photo_gallery/slideshow/spring_break_shark_attack_001.jpg

[Suicane75]

damn those are some big titties.

[Suicane75]

I wanna fuckin see sharks in that kitchen.

[TLK]

This movie has lived up to the hype within the first minute....

[Neuqua]

Lucio does look cute though.

[MikeVic]

Hey man, I tuned in to see the big titties. Where are they?

[Suicane75]

the funky sunglasses and hats montage always rules.

[Suicane75]

If those guys punch fists one more time...........

[BrianD]

.....what, you'll sign them up for acting lessons? :)

[stevew]

Wheres the gosh darned Sharks at?

[Suicane75]

Jiggy with it? Hooo boy.

[Suicane75]

I'm not the best at picking up on subtleties, but I think those 2 kids like each other.

[Suicane75]

I've gotta stop, this movie alone could push me over 5,000 posts.

[sovereignstar]

Best line yet has come when she was dancing with J.T.

"I'm sorry, I don't do this type of dance. It's not my usual."

[Suicane75]

Ya know, I just realized, if she were a Queen and he was a Jedi, this would look awfully familiar.

[stevew]

Hell yeah, about time for some Mofo'in blood in the water.

[stevew]

Ya know, I just realized, if she were a Queen and he was a Jedi, this would look awfully familiar.

Man, so true, so sad :(

[Suicane75]

WHERE THE FUCK ARE THE SHARKS?

[Suicane75]

Did he just compliment her on the fact that she had no tan lines, while she was still in her bikini?

[Crim]

You guys' negativity is bringin' me down...



Crim

[stevew]

This has nothing on the Beast, the best Collasal Squid Movie Ever.

[Suicane75]

OK, now thats what ive been waiting for.

[Logan]

Someone's feet are about to get chopped off.

[Logan]

Sweet.

[stevew]

Rufies in the drink. Theres a beach full of slutty chicks as hot as this girl, and you gotta use the rufie.

[TLK]

Ryan Atwood wouldn't have let her get on that boat.....

[Logan]

PLEASE eat them all.

[Suicane75]

I like how 10 minutes pass between the time they all get in the boat and she's still exactly where she was. I know i'm stating the obvious, but still.

[Logan]

So I'm confused, cause I haven't really watched all of this. Is everyone aware that people keep getting eaten? Or is it a big secret?

Or should I shoot myself for actually pondering the logic of this movie?

[stevew]

Oh man, if only they had that supersonic shark avoidance device right now.

[stevew]

I like how 10 minutes pass between the time they all get in the boat and she's still exactly where she was. I know i'm stating the obvious, but still.


Isn't she the main character? In that case, she cant die.

[Rizon]

This movie is missing a Louis Gossett Jr. and a Dennis Quaid.

[Ksyrup]

I turned this movie on 5 minutes ago.

"Inescapable conclusion...sucks!"

[TLK]

This is turning into an after school special...

[BrianD]

What is this? A packet of unidentified pills with one missing? This wouldn't be the ruffie, would it? How can it be that the creepy guy that keeps hitting on me and bought me the only drink I drank last night is the guy that slipped me the ruffie?

[BrianD]

Ok, I bet the movie Locusts is going to ROCK!

[Ksyrup]

What's with the killer [insert animal/insect here] and Elvis movies on CBS? Am I back in 1976? What's next, Disaster on Flight 5256?

[DaddyTorgo]

this movie sucks. but it sucks in such a great way. maybe that's because i'm watching it with this girl and we're both ripping it over IM.

[Logan]

That was the most awesome half-eaten body I've ever seen.

[Logan]

Did anyone else just think "Consecutive Thread Hilarity?"

OC chick: "Charlie, you were right!" (cuts to commercial)
Guy: "I have genital herpes."

[Easy Mac]

This is from the esteemed Shannon Luccio's IMDB page:

Hot off her role on "The O.C.," Lucio has landed the female lead in the CBS original movie, "The Untitled James LaRosa Project," opposite Emmy Award (http://www.imdb.com/SearchBios?Award) and Golden Globe Award (http://www.imdb.com/SearchBios?Award) winner Kathy Baker and Emmy Award (http://www.imdb.com/SearchBios?Award) and Golden Globe Award (http://www.imdb.com/SearchBios?Award) nominee Bryan Brown. She will star as 'Danielle,' a sheltered high school senior who secretly joins her friends on a Spring Break trip to Florida, defying the orders of her overly-protective father. Production is currently under way in South Africa. The film will debut (http://www.imdb.com/SearchBios?debut) on March 20th, 2005.

Obviously they missed the gist of the tv movie.

[BrianD]

Did he just wind surf into a shark's mouth?

[sovereignstar]

"This can't be real. This can't be happening."

This can't be on TV.

[Easy Mac]

I just can't believe that no one has mentioned the stunning similarites to Cocktail... I mean the both have Bryan Brown, a beach, and similar acting levels.

[Ksyrup]

"The Untitled James LaRosa Project,"


Untitled because you wouldn't friggin believe it if we told you.

[stevew]

Glad to see the Rufie guy get eaten in half.

[sovereignstar]

Glad to see the Rufie guy get eaten in half.

"What are you doing? Get off of me!"

[cthomer5000]

"This wasn't supposed to happen."

Oh, really?

[Easy Mac]

"The Untitled James LaRosa Project,"


Untitled because you wouldn't friggin believe it if we told you.
I wonder if that is how they pitched it to the girl... leaving out all mentions of sharks until she got to South Africa (because obviously there are no pristine beaches in America?)

A side note, it seems the illustrious James Larosa also penned the brilliant "The Real World Movie: The Lost Season." That involved killer sharks as well I believe.

[Karlifornia]

I'm on the west coast, so I don't get to watch this for another 40 minutes. I'm chomping at the bit...muhahaha

[Easy Mac]

Holy shit, did a shark just harpoon him? I wasn't watching.

[Easy Mac]

And you know your tv movie sucks when 6 people are listed in the cast on IMDB... and none of them are Bryan Brown of Cocktail (as this must somehow be below him, since he isn't listed, but still good enough to get paid).

[Ksyrup]

I wonder if that is how they pitched it to the girl... leaving out all mentions of sharks until she got to South Africa (because obviously there are no pristine beaches in America?)

A side note, it seems the illustrious James Larosa also penned the brilliant "The Real World Movie: The Lost Season." That involved killer sharks as well I believe.
"This wasn't supposed to happen" was an ad lib. She was talking to her agent.

[Logan]

Holy shit, did a shark just harpoon him? I wasn't watching.

I think he just harpooned himself.

[Easy Mac]

This movie would kick ass if sharks had laser beams.

[Ksyrup]

At least they have the decency not to drag this crap out over 2 days.

[Easy Mac]

I think he just harpooned himself.
Oh, well that doesn't make nearly as much sense.

Send Marissa... she's a drunk... wait, wrong show.

[cthomer5000]

wouldn't she have wanted to push the harpoon through? I mean the 'head' was already sticking out of his back...

[cthomer5000]

This movie would kick ass if sharks had laser beams.
I wouldn't rule it out just yet.

[Easy Mac]

If you don't move, they can't see you.

I learned that in Jurassic Park

[BrianD]

If the pods all work in series, how does he know pod 6 is out?

[Logan]

This is from the esteemed Shannon Luccio's IMDB page:

Hot off her role on "The O.C.," Lucio has landed the female lead in the CBS original movie, "The Untitled James LaRosa Project," opposite Emmy Award (http://www.imdb.com/SearchBios?Award) and Golden Globe Award (http://www.imdb.com/SearchBios?Award) winner Kathy Baker and Emmy Award (http://www.imdb.com/SearchBios?Award) and Golden Globe Award (http://www.imdb.com/SearchBios?Award) nominee Bryan Brown. She will star as 'Danielle,' a sheltered high school senior who secretly joins her friends on a Spring Break trip to Florida, defying the orders of her overly-protective father. But her father won't mind once she becomes skilled at fixing boats while underwater and surrounded by sharks, leading to a new, lucrative career.

Fixed it.

[BrianD]

wouldn't she have wanted to push the harpoon through? I mean the 'head' was already sticking out of his back...

I'm pretty sure they would have wanted to leave it in. Less blood loss that way.

[Easy Mac]

Anyone else waiting for a shark to pop out of the sand, then someone harpoons it?

I should be a writer.

[Ksyrup]

OK, I have no idea what the back story is with the old guy, but if Jack Russell is being blamed for a club fire, shouldn't this guy be headed to jail? Where's Sam Watterson when you need him?

[Easy Mac]

worst. ending. ever.

[cthomer5000]

http://ia.imdb.com/media/imdb/01/I/04/80/98m.jpg

10 thumbs up.

[Ksyrup]

Let's have a light-hearted chuckle amongst the bodies strewn all over the sand. We need to end this atrocity on a Scooby-Doo moment.

[Logan]

I think the best thing about the title of this movie is that it isn't "Spring Break: Shark Attack" (as the thread title says). It's actually "Spring Break Shark Attack." Somehow, the colon seems to actually make sense.

Or maybe I'm just too used to seeing "CSI: Whatever city they're in now."

[Easy Mac]

Let's have a light-hearted chuckle amongst the bodies strewn all over the sand. We need to end this atrocity on a Scooby-Doo moment.
So the sharks were really just old man jones? that would explain the weird disappearance of the globetrotters.

now lets pop some scooby snacks and eat lots of food for totally unrelated reasons.

the news better kick ass next, or else i'll be horribly disappointed.

[BrianD]

I think this movie gives new meaning to the word lame. It was fun to rip on, but such a bad movie.

[cthomer5000]

I think this movie gives new meaning to the word lame. It was fun to rip on, but such a bad movie.
we should all do this more often. http://dynamic2.gamespy.com/%7Efof/forums/images/smilies/biggrin.gif

[TLK]

They need to put this on DVD....

[sovereignstar]

I'm pretty sure they would have wanted to leave it in. Less blood loss that way.

What's up with you guys and logic? Fricking shark movie here. The only logic here is: if we pitch a movie to young basketball fans enough times, then we can lay back and smoke cigars while they post about the movie on a message board.

[Easy Mac]

news:
a church vandalized... yean, not nearly as cool as killer sharks... although the vandals were caught because they spilt sugar and then stepped in it... so a little CSI goin on.

[BrianD]

It was fun, and it helped the post count. :)

[BrianD]

What's up with you guys and logic? Fricking shark movie here. The only logic here is: if we pitch a movie to young basketball fans enough times, then we can lay back and smoke cigars while they post about the movie on a message board.

Just one more thing to rip on. Haven't we all watched enough ER and CSI to know you don't remove something sticking in you? Apparently the guys that made this movie need to watch more TV.

Of course, we would have lost our touching ending if the guy still had a harpoon in him.

[cthomer5000]

Just one more thing to rip on. Haven't we all watched enough ER and CSI to know you don't remove something sticking in you? Apparently the guys that made this movie need to watch more TV.

Of course, we would have lost our touching ending if the guy still had a harpoon in him. Ok, but if you are going to remove it, wouldn't pushing it through have been the better move?

[BrianD]

Ok, but if you are going to remove it, wouldn't pushing it through have been the better move?

Probably. Depends on what is on either end of the harpoon. Isn't there usually something on the tail end that is bigger than the head of the harpoon?

Edit: Did we just hijack this thread and take it in a serious direction?

[Bearcat729]

I just realized that the reason I didn't see this was because the Local CBS station showed No Way Out instead. I wonder why.

[sovereignstar]

I just realized that the reason I didn't see this was because the Local CBS station showed No Way Out instead. I wonder why.

The lynch mob will be out in [insert city name] for sure tonight!

[cthomer5000]

Probably. Depends on what is on either end of the harpoon. Isn't there usually something on the tail end that is bigger than the head of the harpoon?

Edit: Did we just hijack this thread and take it in a serious direction?
It looked pretty clearly to be nothing but a straight rod.

[BrianD]

It looked pretty clearly to be nothing but a straight rod.

Ok. I didn't see it very well since I was posting about something here.

[Easy Mac]

theoretically there was already a hole where the harpoon went through, so it probably made no difference whatever, given the hole should have been the same size as the tip of the harpoon.

[Easy Mac]

dola, it was also easier pulling it out towards her than having to go to the other side of him and pull it out.

[BrianD]

theoretically there was already a hole where the harpoon went through, so it probably made no difference whatever, given the hole should have been the same size as the tip of the harpoon.

I thought I saw barbs in the head of the harpoon, something like <-----. Barbs coming out backwards would rip a lot of stuff out, but I could be wrong about that head.

[Klinglerware]

"I just wanted to put on a little scare"? What is this, Scooby Doo?

Anyway--a classic work of genius. Even better than "Dying to Belong"...

[cthomer5000]

theoretically there was already a hole where the harpoon went through, so it probably made no difference whatever, given the hole should have been the same size as the tip of the harpoon.
except that the tip would now be ripping apart new pieces of flesh while it got hooked on things as it came back through.

[stevew]

Its no "Mother May I Sleep With Danger" or "Co-ed Call Girl."

[BrianD]

Its no "Mother May I Sleep With Danger" or "Co-ed Call Girl."

Little bit of a Tori Spelling fixation here?

[Chief Rum]

I didn't bother to switch this one on, but reading this thread is like reading an impromptu presentation of Mystery Science Theater 3000. Thumbs up. :D

[sovereignstar]

I didn't bother to switch this one on, but reading this thread is like reading an impromptu presentation of Mystery Science Theater 3000. Thumbs up. :D

Dude, you're on the west coast. There is still time to see the sharks! OMG LOL !1!!1!

[kingfc22]

Woot!! Just saw blood!!! I hate being 3 hrs. behind on this one.

[MikeVic]

Speaking of MST3K, is there any way to get the episodes?

[Honolulu Blue]

My favorite part was one of the headlines on the newspaper: "DESPERATE search for missing HOUSEWIVES continues". Subtle jab at the (missing) competition.

[MikeVic]

My favorite part was one of the headlines on the newspaper: "DESPERATE search for missing HOUSEWIVES continues". Subtle jab at the (missing) competition.


:( And I'm pissed off at that too. I love the show, but something like 2 months without a new episode kind of makes me forget about a show.

[gstelmack]

except that the tip would now be ripping apart new pieces of flesh while it got hooked on things as it came back through.
The other complicating factor is that flesh will push apart as it comes through, then close back up again. So you're ripping it back apart when you push the nasty barbs through.

[Ksyrup]

Bill Simmons' turn to say just about what everyone here did last night:


If you missed "Spring Break Shark Attack," you missed a good time, highlighted by an out-of-the-'80s "date rape drug" subplot, horrible CGI, an inane plot, Shannon Lucio jiggling around in her bathing suit like a redheaded Suzanne Somers (and winning the Jennifer Love Hewitt Memorial "Did she always have those?" award, as my editor Brick points out), and the classic moment when Bryan Brown (responsible for the shark attack because he chummed the waters of a rival beach to drive people to his beach) staring out to the water as dozens of swimmers were getting eaten alive, then calmly saying, "This wasn't supposed to happen." Was he talking about the sharks or his career after "FX2"? We may never know. Needless to say, I loved it. Final grade: A-plus.

[Buccaneer]

Its no "Mother May I Sleep With Danger"
I actually watched that movie and liked it.

[cthomer5000]

The other complicating factor is that flesh will push apart as it comes through, then close back up again. So you're ripping it back apart when you push the nasty barbs through.
ok, but here was the setup:

<--| |----


It appeared as if the entire hook/barb had passed cleanly through his shoulder and nothing but a straight pole was left. Now the chick ripped it back through the shoulder, which IMHO is ridiculous. You already have a wound the size of the pole, so IF you're going take it out pushing it would have to be the way to go.

[sovereignstar]

Anyone up for a "The physics of harpoons" thread?

[Kodos]

dola, it was also easier pulling it out towards her than having to go to the other side of him and pull it out.


:D

[BishopMVP]

Can't find it on any downloading software I use, so I can't really help solve the harpoon mystery.

[sovereignstar]

Can't find it on any downloading software I use, so I can't really help solve the harpoon mystery.

There has got to be a torrent somewhere.

Edit: Merely for Luccio

[JeeberD]

How the hell did I miss a show with a buxom redhead in a bikini?!?!? :mad:

Oh yeah, fuckin' work... :(

[sovereignstar]

Um.. so I just noticed that this movie is on Syfy tonight at 10pm central. lol

I couldn't help but remember this thread.