Giant Spider On Me!!!

[Suicane75]

Sittin here surfin.......feel something on my foot. I jump up as i'm a pussy when it comes to bugs. I turn on my light and I see a spider with a body the size of a dime and legs the size of butter knives, but thick, and bent high, not low to the ground. I about shit myself. If I don't kill that fucker I am never coming in this room again, and I sleep here http://dynamic.gamespy.com/%7Efof/forums/images/smilies/frown.gif. I grab a shoe, walk across my couch, the spider is right by the leg of my desk and the baseboard of my wall, if it runs that way I wont get it and i'll never be the same. I lower the shoe slowly, i make sure the shadow covers it to see if it'll cause him to run, it doesn't. I get bold and lower it, and with a quick thud i slam it down on the fucker yelling "DIE, DIE, DIE". I step back, the legs are twitching, I slam the shoe again. I survey the thing, it's the size of a cup coaster, i nearly faint. I go into the kitchen and get my grandmother to come pick it up and dispose of it as I sit down and allow my heart to start beating again. Now im nervous and scared about being here. Someone hold me.

[Peregrine]

Hmm, spiders attacking you...yes, good, this is progress. Now, how can you relate your hallucinations to reality? What is it you are really scared of? We'll discuss this more at your next session.

[sovereignstar]

Dude, that's not right. What the fuck did the spider ever do to you? I hope the flying spaghetti monster is swift in his actions.

[Swaggs]

px pls thnx

[Suicane75]

px pls thnx
Im thinking about it but i'd need my grandmother to hold open the paper towel, I dont think she'd go for it.

[Lathum]

Just remember. Every little thing you feel tonight while you are lying in bed could be the spiders angry relatives.

I'ts gonna be a long night for Grandma.

[timmynausea]

At least you killed it yourself. I used to make my brother kill them, cause I was that much of a pussy about spiders.

[Swaggs]

Im thinking about it but i'd need my grandmother to hold open the paper towel, I dont think she'd go for it.

This may be one of those moments you never get back.

Also, put something in the picture for size comparisons.

[Suicane75]

Just remember. Every little thing you feel tonight while you are lying in bed could be the spiders angry relatives.

I'ts gonna be a long night for Grandma.
Hey, be sure to let me know when you're in the area. http://dynamic.gamespy.com/%7Efof/forums/images/smilies/mad.gif

[sovereignstar]

I hope the guilt of killing an innocent being haunts you for the rest of your life.

[Suicane75]

I hope the guilt of killing an innocent being haunts you for the rest of your life.
The dude was trying to eat my foot. Fuck you.

[Lathum]

Hey, be sure to let me know when you're in the area. http://dynamic.gamespy.com/%7Efof/forums/images/smilies/mad.gif
mission accomplished

[sovereignstar]

The dude was trying to eat my foot. Fuck you.
Spare me the melodrama. I'm sure the spider was looking for shelter from your wretched spider-killing machine of a grandma.

Did you ever stop to think about whether the spider had children or a spouse? Probably not. Did you stop to think about whether or not the spider had a life insurance policy to protect said family? Probably not.

I'm sick of you torturing and killing other beings just because you can. You should seek therapy. Maybe it's not too late to turn your life around and learn something about social awareness. We are all brothers and sisters; including humans, spiders, and flying spaghetti monsters.

[Rizon]

px pls thnx

http://dynamic.gamespy.com/~fof/forums/showthread.php?t=40133&highlight=spider

[Suicane75]

spaghetti.
You make a good point, i have some leftover in the fridge and i am kind of hungry. Thanks for the assistance.

[Lathum]

spaghetti looks kind of like spider legs

[Suicane75]

spaghetti looks kind of like spider legs
George is gettin frustrated!!!

[sovereignstar]

You make a good point, i have some leftover in the fridge and i am kind of hungry. Thanks for the assistance.
Yeah fuck you too, Jobu. Get hit by an old garbage truck.

[Lathum]

George is gettin frustrated!!!
who the fuck is George?

[Suicane75]

who the fuck is George?
The jerkstore called, and they're all out of you!@!

[Lathum]

sleep tight

[Ksyrup]

I had a college roommate who, about once a week, hallucinated what you experienced in real life. Except it was dozens of them crawling on him. And he would wake up at 2am screaming and jump out of bed yelling "Get them off of me, get them off of me!"

Man, he sucked as a roommate.

[Flasch186]

Damnit!!!

move to plan B, 3 cockroach brothers move out!!

[A-Husker-4-Life]

who the fuck is George?

Really..???? Come on think about it.... Ahhhhhh thats right Sienfeld, duh....

[flere-imsaho]

So, for the last few weeks I've had this spider in my car. I've not seen the little bastard, but I know he's there because every time I open the door there's a fresh set of spiderwebs inside the car.

Needless to say, we've taken to driving the wife's car to work (wife & I work close to each other).

So, last Friday we're coming back from a party at about 11:30 and I'm driving down I-294 at about 80 mph (I-294, also known as "The Autobahn" in Illinois - I was still getting passed) when right in front of me, dropping down from the sunshade, comes the spider.

Dropping into my lap.

Luckily traffic was very light so I'm not impeded as I cross three lanes to the shoulder whilst simultaneously batting the spider onto the driver's side door.

I open up the door, but by now the little bastard has jumped onto the dash and is heading for the steering wheel. I try to hit him, but the confines of the car are such that I can't get a clean shot, and he ends up on the floor. I try one more time, but the little bastard's too quick and shoots away into a random hole (it's an old car).

Damn.

Wednesday. About 8:30 P.M., after Ultimate Frisbee, I'm driving out of the park when I happen to look at the driver's side door, and there he is. Slam on the brakes, drop out of gear, pull on the e-brake (stick shift car), and open the car door.

This time the little bastard stays on the door, but drops into the storage compartment in the door. I'm ready to wait him out, though. He crawls back up, and at just the right time, I flick him onto the ground.

Are we done? No.

He advances back towards the car. But now I've got a random piece of the car that fell off a while ago that I've kept around in case it was important, so I block his path. He's stymied, tries to go around, but I block him again. We do this a few times. Finally he backs off, and heads in the other direction. I watch him go, do a quick sweep to check for any trailing "attachments" to the car, then jump back in and get the heck out of there (with visions of the little bastard springing back onto the car at the last minute).

VICTORY!!! :D

[WSUCougar]

Brings to mind the great "spiders in the mailbox" thread awhile back.

[Maple Leafs]

I'm with you guys. If I know there's a giant spider in a room in my house, but I don't know where... screw it, that room is dead to me.

[JeeberD]

So you got all bent out of shape over a Daddy Long Legs?

Weak.

[BrianD]

You realize you just lost your only chance to acquire super powers...

[oliegirl]

You better realize that one of the only reasons women put up with having men around is because of their ability and willingness to kill bugs - and spiders! You'll be single forever unless you conquer this fear!!!

[heybrad]

You better realize that one of the only reasons women put up with having men around is because of their ability and willingness to kill bugs - and spiders! You'll be single forever unless you conquer this fear!!!
Unless you go the route I took which was to marry a girl who works in Pest Control.

[BrianD]

You better realize that one of the only reasons women put up with having men around is because of their ability and willingness to kill bugs - and spiders! You'll be single forever unless you conquer this fear!!!

My wife has no fear of bugs (fish on the other hand...), so she usually kills those. My job is to take care of mice, which I find much easier to deal with.

[WSUCougar]

Be glad you're not in Iraq...

http://www.mamazboy.com/blog/IraqSpider-thumb.jpg

[SFL Cat]

A big spider?!

* screams like a girl and hides under the covers *

[SFL Cat]

Be glad you're not in Iraq...

http://www.mamazboy.com/blog/IraqSpider-thumb.jpg

That's not Iraq. That's a pic from Starship Troopers. :)

[Maple Leafs]

Unless you go the route I took which was to marry a girl who works in Pest Control.My wife works in pesticide regulation, and she still won't kill the spiders.

It's ridiculous. She won't kill a spider (while I cower in the next room) because she feels bad for it. Then she goes off to work and signs the paperwork that makes a spider holocaust possible.

[Fonzie]

But now I've got a random piece of the car that fell off a while ago that I've kept around in case it was important, so I block his path.
I can't quite put my finger on why, but this is by far my favorite sentence of the whole story. :)

[duckman]

Be glad you're not in Iraq...

http://www.mamazboy.com/blog/IraqSpider-thumb.jpgI heard about camel spiders when I was in the service and I thought people were bullshitting me. Good thing I never got the pleasure of going over there. :D

[sportsfan13]

This morning I had a similar situation with a gianormous wasp that somehow made himself a home in my bathroom. I was running late for work, but couldn't finish getting ready because the little bastard was dive-bombing my head the entire time I was trying to finish drying my hair. So there I stood with a fly swatter & a can of hair spray. The funny thing is, I was hoping that my hair spray would be strong enough to freeze his little bastard wings together so he couldn't fly away. Well, it didn't freeze him, but it stunned him long enough to get a good clear shot with the ol' fly swatter. Stupid bugs...

[KevinNU7]

Suicane read the last paragraph on page 2. You whimp

http://news.nationalgeographic.com/news/2004/06/0629_040629_camelspider.html