Separate Checks?

[larrymcg421]

I am Caucasian and my girlfriend is African-American. We have not really faced any open discrimination. By that I mean no one has used a racial epithet against us or threatened us in any way. We do get weird looks every now and then and some people are clearly uncomfortable, but it's nothing major.

However one thing that bugs me is treatment at restaurants. I have experienced much worse treatment when I'm with her than at any other time. Now, certainly this could be a coincidence, but another irritating thing is we always get asked for separate checks. I didn't think about this at first, just assuming it was common practice. Then I started to tell my friends and coworkers about it, and they say they NEVER get asked for separate checks when they're out with their significant other. Finally, once we got up the nerve to ask the server why he asked us for separate checks, and the response we got: "I just assumed you were business acquaintances."

This isn't like a huge deal to us, but it does bother me. I was wondering if anyone here gets asked this question on a regular basis and does it differ based on the race of the person you're dating?

[cthomer5000]

move up north, baby. no one gives a shit. blacks with whites, guys with guys, girls with dogs, midgets with amazons, anything goes.

[mrsimperless]

Random anecdote:

Here in Thailand if you go out to a restaurant and ask for seperate checks they call it an "American split".

From what I gather most other countries do not do this as often as we do.

[Deattribution]

Maybe you're really ugly and she's really hot so they assume you must be her coworker? ;)

[Logan]

Maybe you're really ugly and she's really hot so they assume you must be her coworker? ;)

First thing that ran through my head.

[Deattribution]

First thing that ran through my head.


Cue the

Want to get away?

Ding, southwest airlines (or whatever airline it is).

[larrymcg421]

I did consider this possibility, but disregarded it for a few reasons...

1) While I think she is very hot, it is not hot in the bland, traditional way that most people would consider hot.
2) This would hold true for many of my coworkers and friends who do not get asked this question.
3) While I am certainly not the next Chippendale's model, I don't think I'm exactly an eyesore either.

[gottimd]

move up north, baby. no one gives a shit. blacks with whites, guys with guys, girls with dogs, midgets with amazons, anything goes.
Not true, last weekend my wife and I and the other patrons in the restaurant were disgusted when we saw a midget and a centaur together.

[Izulde]

move up north, baby. no one gives a shit. blacks with whites, guys with guys, girls with dogs, midgets with amazons, anything goes.

I'd say that's true for parts of the Mid-Atlantic and definitely New England, but the Midwest? Not so much. The non-Pacific Coast West? Uhhh not really.

[cthomer5000]

I'd say that's true for parts of the Mid-Atlantic and definitely New England, but the Midwest? Not so much. The non-Pacific Coast West? Uhhh not really.

Fair points.

I thought my east coast bias would be implied. Really I can't say im intimately with anything outside the New York Metro... but it really is anything goes up here.

[MrBigglesworth]

move up north, baby. no one gives a shit. blacks with whites, guys with guys, girls with dogs, midgets with amazons, anything goes.
People up north are all cool until someone dates a 15 year old, then all of a sudden I'm in court pleading no contest.

[Desnudo]

That seems odd in the South actually, since you see far more interracial couples (black/white) there, than say Boston.

[Pumpy Tudors]

My wife and I have never been asked about separate checks. It didn't happen in New Orleans, it doesn't happen in Greensburg/Pittsburgh, and it didn't happen in the couple of places we stopped in between. I'd never heard of this kind of thing happening. We did get our service delayed once in a restaurant just outside New Orleans once, and we both think it was because of our interracial relationship, but that was one time, and we weren't given separate checks. We were just ignored for a while.

Anyway, this whole "separate checks to the couple" thing is new to me.

[larrymcg421]

That seems odd in the South actually, since you see far more interracial couples (black/white) there, than say Boston.

That may be true, but generally you see black male/white female couples. It is much more rare to see a white male/black female couple, so that might have something to do with it.

Of course, it's possible that the server somehow knows that I play text sim sports games and post about them on a message board dedicated to text sim sports games, so they think there's no possible way I could ever get laid.

[Eaglesfan27]

FWIW, I've only had two situations where I've ever been offered seperate checks (multiple times in each of these situations.) One was when I was dressed in professional clothes and my date was as well because we both game from work. The other situation is when I was dating an African American Female in college in Los Angeles. Then again, she was much hotter than me ;)

[Crim]

I say just go with it. That way you don't hafta pay fer her food.

[Ksyrup]

I say just go with it. That way you don't hafta pay fer her food.


"I'm sorry honey, but it's the law. You've never heard of it before? Well, once the check is handed to you, state law precludes the server from re-configuring the amounts owed in any fashion. You want this guy to go to jail? How 'bout I rub your feet next week to make it up to you?"

[Draft Dodger]

My wife and I have never been asked about separate checks. It didn't happen in New Orleans, it doesn't happen in Greensburg/Pittsburgh, and it didn't happen in the couple of places we stopped in between. I'd never heard of this kind of thing happening. We did get our service delayed once in a restaurant just outside New Orleans once, and we both think it was because of our interracial relationship, but that was one time, and we weren't given separate checks. We were just ignored for a while.

Anyway, this whole "separate checks to the couple" thing is new to me.

they probably just think you're her chauffeur

[Pumpy Tudors]

they probably just think you're her chauffeur
You mean I'm not??

[JeeberD]

At OG we're supposed to ask at the beginning of the meal if it's going to be one check or seperate no matter what. Me, I'm a rebel...I set the check up so that it can be easily split and then ask at the end of the meal whether it's it's check or seperate. Unless it's people who are very obviously a couple, then I just drop the check without asking. Of course, I work almost entirely daytime shifts now. When I was working nights I rarely asked about seperate checks...

So my advice would be to act more like a couple. You're apparently not showing enough love at the table. ;)

[Ksyrup]

Next time the server asks, take your woman in one of those sweeping, dramatic dips and kiss her for like 30 seconds, then look up at the guy and say, "Whaddayouthink?"

[JeeberD]

The funny thing about that, though, is that up until we combined out accounts (a few weeks before the wedding), the wife and I always paid for our food seperately. So for the nearly seven years that we were dating, my own criteria failed us.

[wade moore]

The funny thing about that, though, is that up until we combined out accounts (a few weeks before the wedding), the wife and I always paid for our food seperately. So for the nearly seven years that we were dating, my own criteria failed us.

weirdo.

[Rizon]

That never happened to me when I dated a black girl. The only thing I'd get was evil stare-downs from black guys, and the occasional "you-re-taking-away-our-women-date-your-own-kind" comments from them. To which I'd always respond "huh, you're always hitting on the white girls with big tits and asses".

[JeeberD]

I've never tried to claim that I'm normal.

[wade moore]

I've never tried to claim that I'm normal.

Probably a smart thing ;).

[Pumpy Tudors]

Next time the server asks, take your woman in one of those sweeping, dramatic dips and kiss her for like 30 seconds, then look up at the guy and say, "Whaddayouthink?"
I tried this with a good friend of mine once, but my friend didn't appreciate it. He was more than willing to pay for his meal separately.

[Draft Dodger]

I tried this with a good friend of mine once, but my friend didn't appreciate it. He was more than willing to pay for his meal separately.

*guffaw*

[lordscarlet]

First thing that ran through my head.

Same here.

[Izulde]

I tried this with a good friend of mine once, but my friend didn't appreciate it. He was more than willing to pay for his meal separately.

This made me laugh.