Emergency Poker Help Needed

[Ksyrup]

I just found out my wife invited me to the neighborhood "guy's night out" tonight, and we'll be playing cards. I don't play cards. Outside of playing Go Fish and the like with my kids, I think the only card games I've ever played are Uno and Phase 10.

I need help.

Anyone have some basic tips, or can point me to a site that provides info for beginners? And no, I'm not inviting any of you so that you can have an excuse to steal my money. That perk is apparently restricted to homeowners in my neighborhood.

Oh, and I'm preemptively declaring "Emergency Poke Her Help Needed" to be off-limits as a parody thread. I'm sure some of you could legitimately use the help, so for you, I will grant an exception. The rest of you...GOVERN YOURSELVES ACCORDINGLY.

[moriarty]

Well, kiss your money good bye and have a good time. But whatever you do, don't say 'Go Fish'.

What kind of poker are you playing?

[Ksyrup]

No clue. Pick a kind, any kind.

[Lathum]

I assume you are playing texas hold em since that is the game of choice.

try here

http://www.cardplayer.com/rules_of_poker/texas_holdem

http://www.cardplayer.com/rules_of_poker/hand_rankings

[Logan]

So your wife is making you go to a neighborhood "guy's night out," where your "out" activity means you'll be stuck inside doing something you don't want to do. Let me take a guess that the neighborhood "girl's night out" doesn't involve sitting in a circle in a basement while drinking cheap beer and avoiding a 300 lb guy's second-hand smoke.

Well played, Mrs. Ksyrup.

[Butter]

Just go all-in. A lot.

[Pumpy Tudors]

GOSH, I HOPE YOU GUYS PLAY RAZZ!!! RAZZ IS DEMON POKER!!!

[Ksyrup]

So your wife is making you go to a neighborhood "guy's night out," where your "out" activity means you'll be stuck inside doing something you don't want to do. Let me take a guess that the neighborhood "girl's night out" doesn't involve sitting in a circle in a basement while drinking cheap beer and avoiding a 300 lb guy's second-hand smoke.

Well played, Mrs. Ksyrup.

I don't know how much smoking and drinking the girls did, but they played Bunko while sitting at the same table I'll be sitting at.

I like the idea of getting to know my neighbors, but I'd prefer an activity I know or even care about. Saturday night will be more fun...we're taking the kids to a minor league baseball game and then I'm headed off to a rock club for a show. By myself.

[Ksyrup]

Just go all-in. A lot.

How about if I just go all in once and lose?

[Butter]

Then you get to leave.

[MikeVic]

Then you get to leave.

I think we have a winner.

[Mizzou B-ball fan]

Very basic stuff here.......

If you have a blackjack hand (it would = 21), raise 3x the big blind. It weeds out the bad hands. Obviously if you hit a pair, continue to bet after the flop. On occasion, bet after the flop even if you didn't hit anything. Your opponent may not have anything either. Just don't do it too often or they'll be less inclined to believe you.

If you have a "20" hand, occasionally raise and sometimes call. Just do what feels right base on the situation and which players are still in the hand.

Raise with big pocket pairs (i.e. your two cards are a pair) and mix calling and raising with smaller pocket pairs. Don't call bets with a pocket pair just because you have it. If you have 88 and the board cards are AQJ, lay down your 8's.

Everything else can be laid down for the most part. You can start playing some of the other hands as you become more familiar with the game and learn what does and doesn't work. Playing in games is the best way to learn the game.

[Ksyrup]

Then you get to leave.

I'd be happy with "watch some baseball and make fun of the guys who know what they're doing but are still getting their asses kicked."

[Ksyrup]

Very basic stuff here.......

If you have a blackjack hand (it would = 21), raise 3x the big blind. It weeds out the bad hands. Obviously if you hit a pair, continue to bet after the flop. On occasion, bet after the flop even if you didn't hit anything. Your opponent may not have anything either. Just don't do it too often or they'll be less inclined to believe you.

If you have a "20" hand, occasionally raise and sometimes call. Just do what feels right base on the situation and which players are still in the hand.

Raise with big pocket pairs (i.e. your two cards are a pair) and mix calling and raising with smaller pocket pairs. Don't call bets with a pocket pair just because you have it. If you have 88 and the board cards are AQJ, lay down your 8's.

Everything else can be laid down for the most part. You can start playing some of the other hands as you become more familiar with the game and learn what does and doesn't work. Playing in games is the best way to learn the game.

This is like explaining how to unfasten a bra to a guy who's looking for advice on how to pick up chicks.

[stevew]

I would just mutter on and on about pot odds, and say stuff like "I think I'm committed to call here" quite a bit. I've found that people say that shit a lot. Make sure to routinely break in with stuff like "How could you call a raise with that shit hand." Always muck too.

[Lathum]

I hope the links I gave you helped.

Another idea is volunteer to be the dealer for a while before you jump into the game. That way you can learn the flow before you begin to play.

[Ksyrup]

I hope the links I gave you helped.

Another idea is volunteer to be the dealer for a while before you jump into the game. That way you can learn the flow before you begin to play.

They did, thanks.

This is obviously going to be a low-stakes game for fun, so my goal is to not look like a complete moron. I don't care about the money.

[Mustang]

If you are lucky, the game will be more of the home variety (Like 7/27, Anaconda or Shit on your neighbor). Games that have very little to do with poker outside of they both use a deck of cards...

Plus, lower choice of looking like a moron because usually, there is someone that doesn't know home style games and they end up being explained anyways.

[Fouts]

Our monthly poker night depends on what the dealer calls. Deal passes around the table, and the game could be hold 'em, 5 card draw, 7 card stud (low or high chicago), 7 card no-peak, screw your neighbord, etc. We occassionaly have new guys show up, and its no problem when they ask for the rules on each game. It shouldn't take long to pick it up as long as the guys are cool.

Then again, we are there for the fun, not to win big money (nickel, dime, quarter stakes).

[Toddzilla]

Muck the nuts.

[moriarty]

This is like explaining how to unfasten a bra to a guy who's looking for advice on how to pick up chicks.

Uh-oh, you're in trouble. 1st, just be sure to tell everyone you never play poker and get it out there. They should be mildly happy as they know they'll be taking your money and be willing to help to understand what to do when someone says you're the big blind.

Second, at least have a working knowledge of winning hands:
http://www.poker.com/poker-hands/

You're a smart guy, so if you at least know what is/what makes a good hand that will help your betting. Most poker games come down to some variation of making the best 5 card hand (even if you get 7 cards).

From there, you should be able to pick up at least basic strategy after 8-9 hands or so. E.g. If you know having 2 of the same card, same suit, or together in as straight (like 5,6) is better than say a 2,7 hand unsuited or a AK hand is better odds than 78 then you can do at least basic betting.

From that point on it's primarily a matter of percentages and strategy. Forget any complex strategy, but you can at least rudely predict the percentages (e.g. if you need 2 cards for a straight and there are only two more cards coming ... that's bad, if you need one card to complete a straight with 3 more chances ... that's good, etc.). The other thing i would say if you're playing texas hold 'em is that it's common to fold alot after the first two cards. If you don't have good cards, get out.

If you don't put up a big false front, and don't play ridiculously (like going all in every hand) I would venture most people will be willing to give you tips/help as you play ... unless they're real pricks.

[Ksyrup]

Thanks for that link. Between that and the links Lathum gave me, I should be able to get through it OK. I plan on coming clean up-front, anyway. I'd rather them think I'm a novice than someone who plays and sucks at it.

[moriarty]

Thanks for that link. Between that and the links Lathum gave me, I should be able to get through it OK. I plan on coming clean up-front, anyway. I'd rather them think I'm a novice than someone who plays and sucks at it.

Of course, they may think you announcing you're a novice is just a way to sandbag them. In that event they'll watch you like a hawk, and your novice inconsistencies will drive them mad as they try to get a 'read' on you. Good times either way.

[Lathum]

So how did it go?

[Ksyrup]

Pretty well. I had fun. I only won one hand, but I outlasted 2 of the other 6 guys, so i didn't completely embarrass myself. Although the one hand I won was by accident. I was down to my final chips with 3 of us left and had a pocket pair, so I decided early to just go for it. Well, the guy across from me put in a bet and I accidentally jumped the gun and called all-in before the guy to my right bet. He took my move to mean I had a great hand, so he folded. Turns out he would have won the hand, but for my "bluff."

Yep, great bluff. That's how I played it. :)

[cartman]

You have to know when to hold 'em

Know when to fold 'em

Know when to walk away

Know when to run

You don't count your money, when you're sitting at the table

There'll be time enough for countin', when the dealin's done.

Beyond that, I can't help you much.

[Ksyrup]

Yeah, luckily I didn't have that song in my mind all night. Until now. I must now wash it away with a midnight shot of Dimmu Borgir.