Getting my life back: Moving past an ex & losing weight

[kingnebwsu]

Hey guys. I don't normally read the dynasty board that often but I think this may be one of the weirdest "dynasties" ever. I don't know how long I'll keep up with it but it will be nice to have an online journal of sorts that isn't myspace or facebook. I want to keep this separate for the sake my future self ;)

This may be way too much personal information for a public forum, but oh well. Not putting any names in it so it's relatively anonymous or something. And please, nobody feel obligated to put the "hang in there" comments or anything. Of course, those are welcome but I swear I'm not doing this for public pity. I'm really just doing it for me. Just a place where I can type everything that I'm going through. I think this thread will be invaluable to me in the future. If I'm regretting what happened or glorifying her or anything like that, I can read this thread and be reminded of what I went through. Nights are the hardest time right now. This is a place I can visit at 2 AM without people getting annoyed ;)

So I'm just taking things one day at a time. It's about all I can do in a time like this. It's been a nutty 11 days since I came back into town from visiting mom & my brother. Within 48 hours of being in town I went from being in a relationship (to a girlfriend of 4-plus years) to being single. My whole world has been turned upside down. But I guess that's life sometimes. It's weird when you think your life is going to go one way and then one thing happens and it turns it upside down. I think the saddest thing about it all was the betrayal. I won't bore you guys with the details, but she did something that to me is unforgivable. I seriously thought that she & I would always be together. But I guess now that she's got her new job she has other plans.

Honestly, I just feel bad for her. She has some serious emotional issues & stuff that I don't think she's ever going to address. I'm really proud of how I've handled everything. I've been very mature & civil with her despite what she did to me. She's moving out on Saturday & Sunday (finally). We slept in separate rooms for several nights & then something happened and I couldn't stay there anymore. So every night since Thursday I've been staying at my dad's (who thankfully is only 5 minutes away). We've had four "major" talks since I've been in town, and the 2nd one was the talk that ended things. In our last talk (last night) I told her that I wasn't planning on seeing her again. I'm not going to the house as long as she's there. At least on Wednesday she's sleeping at her mom's so I can crash at home for one night. And one last night with the cat. I don't think I'm going to get to keep Abby, which is a huge bummer. She just won't budge on that one. It's sad. At least I'm working every day until she's out of the house, which is good (it's crazy for me to be saying that work is "good").

So yeah, that's my story. For the first week I was in a really bad spot and felt like I was going to lose it. But I had a breakdown at a friend's (in Columbus) on Saturday night. Since then I've felt much better. I'm still very sad and bummed out, but I sincerely hope that I turned a corner that night. There are so many levels of pain in a time like this & I know the bad times are not over. It will be a whole new level of weirdness & pain when the house is empty. That first night will be so surreal.

Hopefully I can get over this in due time (months instead of years) and someday have a chance with a wonderful, trustworthy woman. One day at a time :)

The only good thing about this whole life-altering situation has been my friends & family. I know I've been such a burden on everyone but they all have rallied around me and supported me. Last week was without a doubt the worst week of my life. I can't begin to imagine trying to get through it on my own. I know it's what friends & family are "supposed to do" but since this is a whole new experience for me I've never been able to see it first-hand. I've been going to different friends' houses each night so I can make sure I see everybody and so I don't drive anyone crazy :)

So that's my story. I've lost even more weight since I've been back in town. Life-changing times make your body go crazy. As of yesterday I'm down 55 pounds since June (6'2" and 270 lbs to 6'2" and 215 lbs). It's very exciting. I know some of the more recent weight loss will be tough to keep off, but I'm going to try. 15 more pounds til I reach my ultimate goal. And I'm not starving myself or anything. Just eating much smaller portions, not snacking at all, and turning one meal into two meals. This is the skinniest I've been in 9 years. Still not skinny per-say, but it's still an awesome change. Hopefully within a short time I'll be posting in this thread on how I dropped below 200 pounds for the first time since 1998. That would be truly amazing.

This is as good of a time as any to drop some weight. I've dropped SIX inches on my pants size and I've gone from wearing snug XXL shirts to wearing a L sized shirt (!!!). I haven't worn large shirts since junior high. Seriously. I'm trying to focus on the positives because my life has so many. I just need to make it through this rough time.

If by some miracle anyone has made it this far in my post then just remember one thing. Don't ever take your significant other for granted. Do something romantic for them regardless of the time of year or how long you've been together. Cherish every single day because you don't know what will happen. And give them an extra hug on my behalf ;)

I swear I'm not normally this sappy or philosophical but I'm sure those moods will pass. I'll post on here whenever I feel like I need to update things or whenever I'm feeling bummed out. This will be my 2 AM phone call to an annoyed friend. Thanks to FOFC for being my annoyed friend :)

[JetsIn06]

Hang in there. :)

Good luck with everything man.

[kingnebwsu]

Thanks man! :) Who knows how this "dynasty" will progress and how often I'll update it. It's been 24 hours since I last posted and to be honest, it was the best 24 hours I've had in several weeks. I still think about her with another guy pretty often but it's not nearly as drastic as it was on Saturday (or the day I "broke down"). I usually think about it for a few seconds and then it passes. It still makes my chest tighten up but I'm getting better.

I know it's a fluid situation and in 30 minutes I could be ready to flip out again but I'm very happy with where I am right now. Tomorrow I should be crashing at MY place for the only time this week. Wednesday night & then Thursday afternoon will be my last time with the cat. It's very sobering to think about that fact. I will really miss that cat. One of the weirdest things is that my ex only got *really* upset in our last 2 conversations when I pushed really hard to keep the cat. I think it says a lot about where she is emotionally & mentally for her to be like that. Sad really.

I've been thinking a lot about my future life and all that good stuff. I bought many new "skinny" clothes today and this is the best I've looked in many years. I need to keep pushing to lose weight in this time of crisis. It will be harder to lose weight once I am 100% emotionally. Might as well take advantage of this time now, eh? ;)

Last night I laid in bed for like 45 minutes unable to sleep. I was thinking about my situation of course but honestly I think I was losing sleep out of boredom. It's great to see my friends & family & whatnot but I miss being around my stuff. Being in MY house with MY things doing what I want. I'm so thankful to be at my dad's right now but I'm really looking forward to Sunday night because I'll be back home with all of her stuff out of the apartment. Sunday night will also be the roughest night I have remaining in this whole ordeal too. So I guess it's a double-edged sword (lousy swords...).

I also wish I had a scale here. A big part of the weight loss thing for me is to be able to track my daily progress. It may be good that there's not one because I weighed in at 215 the morning after my break down when my body had removed all of its food. TMI there :p But I probably won't hit 215 for real for another day or two.

I've been thinking about my New Year's Resolution for 2009. My goal is to find a person that I truly care about. I know it's a longshot to put that kind of goal in that short of a time period, but who cares. It's a dream and it's helping me to stay focused on losing weight and look at all of the positive things I have going.

It's hard to know what stage I'm in now. I saw the seven stages and the 5th one was something like "the upward turn" and I feel like that's where I am right now. Honestly, I could be in denial too. Sunday night will be the true test of where I am. I'll walk into my apartment with only my stuff there. That will be a harrowing time for me and hopefully I'll survive it. I know right now that Sunday night will probably suck. I also know that Sunday night will be the worst night I have left in this thing. It's weird that I'm looking forward to Monday morning at work next week.

That's today's update I guess. Early meeting out of town tomorrow so I should crash soon. So tired but I want to stay up and do stuff. Not much to do here but surf the net and watch TV.

Wednesday night she's crashing at her mom's so I will be staying at home. Then Saturday night I will sleep at home and she will sleep in her new place. She will be back Sunday to move the rest of her stuff. Then Sunday night I'll be there with only my stuff left. Every night after that I'll have my apartment back. Gotta look at the positives right now.

Hopefully I'll update from MY computer tomorrow night :)

[hoopsguy]

Thought on goals - putting one out there that depends, to some degree, on another person is probably not a good one for you. How do you measure it, other than the obvious succeed/fail? And most relationships really can't be measured on a long-term succeed/fail barometer within the first year.

More power to you if you really are on the 5th stage of grieving - I do not think that I would be this quickly, given the circumstances you have described. Just remember it is not necessarily a sprint to move through your emotions as you deal with a traumatic event. I'm not suggesting that you wallow in misery, or anything of the sort. But recognize that you have had a major change and that you are going to need an undetermined amount of time to really process it and move forward. It is good that your family and friends are around to support you along the way.

Good to hear about the weight loss. Best of luck hitting your goal by the end of the year.