YAHD---Everyone panic! The Crawfish have lasers!!!

[The Afoci]

In an attempt to strike fear in the oppisition, the Fighting Crawfish mascot, "BoB", will be renamed "Super Laser Blaster Crawfish Guy" and will be armed with lasers to blast opposing players....

In other news, the Fighting Crawfish are in debt. Not to bad yet ($200,000), but with only a 7000 seat arena and really only a couple players that will draw any money, things are bleak. I have a few passable playmakers that need to bump soon and I need a youth squad pull the likes of Freddy Abu...only better.

A History of The Fighting Crawfish

It all started with a kid and a dream, a dream of Crawfish with laser blasters instead of claws. This kids name was The Afoci and he was often teased as being the kid whose name slightly resembling something Italian but he is Norwegian. A horrible curse.

His mother was a Lefse maker. Short, but hardworking. His father was a mad scientist that never made it in the big time. His goal was to form an army of earth worms that would rule the world. He came up short after being defeated by an army of black birds in an epic battle just east of Fargo North Dakota. His father defeated, retreated to a hide out in Canada never to be seen again.

Meanwhile The Afoci grew up knowing nothing at all about soccer. His mother won a small lottery and purchased him a soccer team at the tender age of 15. It was to be run by a group of French Mercanaries until he was 22. Obviously that didn't work because after fireworks were shot off on the open day of the season, the French Mercanaries surrendered and were never seen again.

Seven years later, after many failed attemps to create Crawfish with laser blasters instead of Claws, The Afoci was reminded he owned a soccer team. Needless to say they sucked as no one did anything with them. Their leading scorer was an overweight smoker who collapsed in front of the goal and an opposing player accidently kicked the ball off his head for a goal. With his first goal, he took the teams All Time Scoring record.

When The Afoci took the team over, he had everyone dipped in a vat of angry, and I mean angry Crawfish. None survived.

Armed with $300,000 and no knowledge of soccer he set out to rule the world....

[The Afoci]

The Fighting Crawfish Players
The Back Lines

#1---Manuel "The" Bossio

Manuel developed the nickname "the" because he stutters. He also doesn't speak English very well, so pretty much he only says "The". Manuel was the First Goalie purchased by
The Afoci and he is the starter. He also is only 18.

#2---Mikey Denney

Mikey is the back-up goalie. Mikey is a 27 year old who is rumored to be "Number Two" to The Afoci and many people call him Mikey "Crawfish". Many suspect that he was the head scientist on the The Crawfish with Laser Blasters project.

#3--- Jose Javier Gorostarzu

Jose is severely deformed. He was believed dead after the great Crawfish purge of a few weeks ago. The 22 year old is the starting wing back and is now believed to be highly loyal to the Crawfish. Some beleive that a Crawfish crawled in his ear and replaced his brain as he only speaks in weird Crawfish like chants.

#4---Károly Gyimesi

Károly is a 20 year old central defender. He was once rumored to be the starter, but he got into an argument with The Afoci over whether The Crawfish with Laser Blasters was really required. The Afoci was going to kill him, but funding for the project is low, so he was placed on the transfer list at 90k. Not bad for a SOLID defender.

#5---"I am a big scary, fire breathing" Dragan Simic

An 18 year old starting Wing Back, Dragan is a threat on offense and defense. He is a very well rounded player completely dedicated to the domination of the world by Crawfish.

#6---Rafael Maria Meldi

A 29 year old reserve wing back. Nothing really interesting with him. Just a guy who is filling a hole on the b-squad.

#7---"You better guard your daughters or they will be" Les "their" Cherry "s"

A 17 year old womanizer. He was plays wingback and likes to do the beast with two backs. He reportedly is The Afoci secret weapon of Mass Destruction because when he pees, he screams in agony. He is usually sent in a week early on away games to greet the opposing teams wives.

#8---Ellis Malcolm "in the middle"

Another 17 year old wing back. He is a middle child and talks to himself claiming no one will speak to him. He is reportedly was scheduled for transfer until he was able to prove his lineage to the great Crawfish rulers of the past. The Afoci is looking into it.

[The Afoci]

The Midfielders

#10---Jonas Westerhall

An 18 year old starting winger. He is considered by The Afoci to be an offensive winger and general decent guy.

#11---Mikey Kline

A 21 year old starting Middie that should pop soon and be transfer listed to help fund Project: Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws.

#12---Gustav Danielsson

A 20 year old starting Middie that is rumored to have links to the Russian mafia. Being consider the best of the Middies, he has The Afoci's ear and rumors are that the Crawfish maybe in trying to purchase russian arms....maybe even top secret Lasers!

#13---Dan Woodson

A 17 year old Middie who actually may play some central defense after the sale of the current Central Defender. Currently he plays defensive mid field and enjoys long walks on the beach...he tells The Afoci it is because he is looking for more Crawfish.

#14---Christian Rossi

A 24 year old starting winger. He is the utility man. He can play virtually anywhere. If the Crawfish wish to improve, he will have be a B-teamer that fills in.

#15---Lars-Olof Uddstad

A 18 year old reserve winger. The Afoci purchased him believing he was the drummer for Metallica. Lars doesn't like Metallica though, he has a Tattoo across his back say Garth. He is a huge Garth Brooks fan and sometimes plays his games dressed as Chris Gaines.

#16---Roy Parsons

A 26 year old reserve middie. Roy enjoys being essentially useless to his team and shows no signs of getting better. Will probably be used in the testing of project Crawfish with Lasers Blasters instead of Claws.

#17---Enrico Jimeno

A 20 year old reserve middie. Enrico was the start until last week. It is largely believe that his role in developing Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws hurt his form.

#18---Alastair MacFeat

A 18 year old reserve middie. Alastair was actually born with 2 left feet. He will be sold as soon as he becomes pass/pass because of his cronic athletes foot.

#19---Abel Barreto

A 17 year old reserve winger. Abel will probably replace Christian Rossi eventually. As of now he, is rumored to be searching for large quanties of duct tape to attach the lasers to the Crawfish.

[The Afoci]

The Forwards and Coach

#21---Juan Luis Alonso

A 24 year old reserve forward. Juan is the team water boy. He will be the second one shot once we have Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws

#22---Matt Scroggins

A 19 year old reserve forward who The Afoci severely over paid for in his early days. He was once the starter, not for talent reasons, but because he would run around screaming CRAWFISH RULE during games.

#23---Norbert Darden

A 24 year old starting forward. He is barely servicable as a starter, but is required for his expert knowledge on the underbelly of V77 soccer.

#24---Ivar "why couldn't my name be Ivan" Rannem

The team captain and 18 year old starting forward. He will lead the team in scoring this season hopefully and hopefully the league. Ivar is believed to be upset at Mikey Denney for his closeness to The Afoci. When Ivar came to the team, he placed 2 Crawfish in Denney jock in hopes of killing him. Many believe that The Afoci will have Ivar lead his conquest of the world once Project Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws is complete

#25---Felix "Coach" Gruber

31 years, wretched form, healthy
A passable coach who goes all out
A sympathetic guy who is calm and honest.
Has excellent experience and solid leadership abilities.

[The Afoci]

Next up for the Fighting Crawfish are the Maniacal Misfitz @ Maniacal Misfitz Arena. You better guard your daughters or they will be" Les "their" Cherry "s" has been sent out and is currently visiting Kahudi Widodo Simon wife. May the middie enjoy his next trip to the pisser. The Afoci was recently heard threatening the horrible Crawfish hanging from your sack torture on his player if he feels they are responsible for a loss. Needless to say, the squad is ready.

Meanwhile in The Afoci's Secret Hideout somewhere in Fargo, North Dakota

"Damn it Mikey", screams The Afoci, "My father tried to take the world over with earth worms. It was great plan, but the damned black birds foiled it. If only I could get my revenge... but how".

"I got it, sir!" screamed Mikey Denney(reserve goalie and "Number Two"). "We could spray paint the black birds white, then they would be white birds, not black".

"Not a bad idea Mikey, not bad at all" laughs The Afoci "Now purchased all the white spray paint you can and get to work. MMMUUUUHHHHAAAAHHHAAA MMMUUUHHHHAAA"

[Everything fades to black]

"Damn it Mikey" Screams The Afoci "The black birds must have blocked out the sun!".

"Umm....Actually sir" says Mikey Denney "Um...Ah....I think the power was shut off."

"What" screams The Afoci "It is a fricken secret hide out, and the head quarters for Project Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws. Who could have cut the power?"

As The Afoci sits pondering this Mikey slides the electricity bill into his pocket and leaves.

"Damn" says Mikey Denney to himself. "The Afoci spent all the money we have on Project Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws and we can barely cover the salaries of the players, let alone the electricity. How can I pay this bill, it is almost 60 bucks."

Narrator:

As you can guess, the Crawfish are in a tough spot. There finances by the end of the week without some player transfers will be over 200k in debt. With the stadium needing upgrading and a need for more talent to move up in divisions, the Crawfish appear screwed. What will happen to Project Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws?

[Coffee Warlord]

I'm not easily disturbed.

You disturb me. :)

[Marmel]

You hattrickers are a strange bunch.

[The Afoci]

What are the Crawfish Training you may ask?

Now is perhaps the most interesting time at The Fighting Crawfish Arean as the squad is being trained at 100 percent intensity in the art of stamina. The Afoci was originally upset at Felix "Coach" Gruber's first attempts at training and took the helm himself....

"Now it has come to my attention" said The Afoci, "That many of you wusses aren't giving it your all. I am paying good money to you and this is what your giving me..."

"Ummm..." interupts Mikey "Number Two" Denney, "Uh...we didn't quite pay them good money, remember the conterfeiting scheme we used...um yeah, "You better guard your daughters or they will be" Les "their" Cherry "s" wasn't able to purchase condoms and now is in extreme agony when he pees."

"Damn" says The Afoci """You better guard your daughters or they will be" Les "their" Cherry "s" Is that true?"

"Umm...sir..." squeaks "You better guard your daughters or they will be" Les "their" Cherry "s", "It appears to be blocked and burns severely... that damn Kahudi Widodo Simon wife burned me, burned me bad."

"Number Two" The Afoci says as he signals Mikey "Number Two" Denney closer to him, "Remind me to stay away from that woman. And get a doctor to help him out" Now screaming he says "Bring in the guards".

At that moment 10 guards show up in toxic waste suits and cages. "What is about to happen" The Afoci says pacing in front of his now obviously scared team "is a little bit of training, The Afoci-style. UNLEASH THE CRAWFISH WITH LASER BLASTERS INSTEAD OF CLAWS!!!!

The men resume their wind sprints to the sounds of explosions as the men in toxic waste suits open their cages and Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws come crawling out. The men run faster then ever and Felix "Coach" Gruber smiles, but only for a minute as the blasting turns to explosions as the lasers are overheating and the Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws explode covering most of the player, Felix "Coach" Gruber, and The Afoci in Crawfish remains.

"Sir" says Mikey "Number Two" Denney, "I warned you, it was too early, it needed to be tested...NOOO!!!!"

"Damn it Number Two" Screamed The Afoci, "My beautiful Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws are dead. Why GOD!!!!! It is always the good Crawfish that die. They will be remembered as heroes for being pioneers in Project Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws."

He falls to his knees and raises his hands in the air, completely covered in crawfish goo, crying.

Ivar "why couldn't my name be Ivan" Rannem walks to The Afoci "Sir, I will crush the Maniacal Misfitz for you....FOR THE CRAWFISH WITH LASER BLASTERS INSTEAD OF CLAWS"

Mikey "Number Two" Denney glares over to Ivar "why couldn't my name be Ivan" Rannem thinking of a way to eliminate the threat to his position.

At that moment the lights in the stadium go black.

"Run" Screams The Afoci "Its the Black Birds, they have come to finish off the family!!!" He then runs screaming out of the stadium, occasionally slipping to the ground on crawfish goo.

Everyone confused, looks to Felix "Coach" Gruber. He says "Um... get the candles!" The Fighting Crawfish then finish their windsprints in candle light... But they could hear the cries from a secret hide out not far from the stadium of a man, a man with a dream that he will one day take over the world with Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws!

[Qwikshot]

I am disturbed as well...am I reading an acid trip committed to paper?!?

[Coffee Warlord]

Yep.

Although I admit. I laughed my ass off when I first read through this.

[The Afoci]

The Club---A in-depth look at the men who run The Fighting Crawfish

Felix "Coach" Gruber has been allowed since the start to handle all the hiring of assistants as he sees fit...as long as they support the mission of creating Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws. His first hiring was of 2 goal keeping coaches. Many believe that The Afoci has one of them is constantly walking the secret hide out, believing that his skill in goal keeping will keep the men working Project Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws on goal.

He also has a total of 8 assistant coaches. Each of them reports to him on a daily basis and then he is to report to The Afoci shortly after 6:30 p.m. Mainly because he likes to watch all the news and then listen to one, and only one song from Supertramp prior to being bored with updates from his squad.

He also has 2 sports psychologists, all though it is obvious more are needed with the happenings around here. He also has 2 spokesman who say nothing about soccer, but mainly threaten the sponsors with "certain death by Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws" So far it seems to be drawing good money to the squad.

He hired one economist, but his lack in mathematical skills has really hindered the club here. Mikey "Number Two" Denney was seen earlier teaching him the multiplication tables with flash cards. He seems to be coming around and should be helpful within a year.

He hired 8 physiotherapists at the request of The Afoci because thought they were pyschos and would scare opposing players.

Two doctors were hired, one is the personal doctor to "You better guard your daughters or they will be" Les "their" Cherry "s" for obvious reasons and the other is generally treating cuts from rabid attack Crawfish released on the men during practices.

The Afoci pumps $20,000 per week into the youth squad for the sole purpose getting people he can test Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws on. The squad is now inadequate.

[The Afoci]

Another one bites the dust!!!! Dut Dut Dut UH Anther one bites the dust...

"Man I love the song" says a dancing The Afoci in front of his men in what has become a weekly occurance. The Fighting Crawfish Stadium is completely lit in candles and Queens Another One Bites the Dust is blaring out of a boom box held by Lars-Olof "Chris Gaines" Uddstad who is in full Chris Gaines clothing, Garth tattoo across his back visible on every spin move.

Felix "Coach" Gruber walks towards The Afoci and consults him for a minute as he still dances. Suddenly The Afoci stops dancing and wispers something in his ear. He turns smiling to the team. "It is with a sad heart that I say this" he says still smiling, "but it must be done."

The team is shaking in fear and Roy Parsons even wets himself. "Bring out Erich Davis!!!" screams Felix "Coach" Gruber. A kicking and screaming Erich Davis is drug out by Mikey "Number Two" Denney and Ivar "why couldn't my name be Ivan" Rannem. He is thrown to the ground in front of The Afoci.

"What we got here" says The Afoci, "is a failure to communicate...I mean what we got here is a failure of you being able to play. Now, since you just came from the Youth Squad, you may not know the requirements of being a member of the Fighting Crawfish, but you will soon...Oh yes, you will soon."

Jose Javier Gorostarzu(The only surviver of the Great Crawfish Purge of a few weeks ago) comes out speaking in only Crawfish chants carrying two cages. Erich Davis is shaking and crying with fear. The cages are opened and out crawls the 100s of angry crawfish and they sworm Erich Davis and the team squirms as the hear his cries of agony. Withing minutes there is nothing left and Jose Javier Gorostarzu makes a few chants and all the Crawfish return to their cages.

"Perhaps now" says The Afoci as he paces in front of the squad, "you will have what it takes to eliminate the Manical Misfitz tonight. Now get back to work." With that they all take of running except Mikey "Number Two" Denney. "How is Project Paint the Black Birds White coming along?"

Mikey "Number Two" Denney quivers slightly before responding, "Well sir, um... we lost 6 guys who got high from the spray paint and then blew themselves up when the punchured the cans with a screw driver."

"Damn it" screamed The Afoci, "We knew the risks going in, those black birds are smart fellows. We must stay strong though, for they must be eliminated before we can unleash the Army of Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws on the public."

And with that they walk away and board the jet that will take them to Manical Misfitz arena. Many men may die on the quest to build Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws but The Afoci is determined to take what his father fell just short of by 99% of the world, the whole world. And with that, the quest will continue tomorrow with a report on the squads showing in the friendly and more insight into the sick world of The Fighting Crawfish!

[Mountain]

This dynasty is completely whacked:D

[The Afoci]

Coffee Warlord, Qwikshot, Marmel, and Mountain:

I am sorry that you have to hear about the underbelly of The Fighting Crawfish. Oh yeah, and thanks for reading. :) :)

[Marmel]

Originally posted by The Afoci
Coffee Warlord, Qwikshot, Marmel, and Mountain:

I am sorry that you have to hear about the underbelly of The Fighting Crawfish. Oh yeah, and thanks for reading. :) :)

I am not sure I want you talking to me. :(

Are you on some kind of medication, The Afoci?

[The Afoci]

Originally posted by Marmel
I am not sure I want you talking to me. :(

Are you on some kind of medication, The Afoci?

No medication, just high on life...and these green leaves that i have in my pipe :)

[Marmel]

That explains it all. Carry on good fellow!

[Qwikshot]

I'd like to thank all of those who are reading this, all four of you...

Actually, this is the best dynasty I've read in a while, it has me at chortle, I have to suppress laughter when at work...

Keep up the good work, this shit is whack.

[Mountain]

OHHHH THE HORROR!!!!! THE HORROR!!! Here come the crawfish. NO!!!! not th

[strange ominous silence]

[The Afoci]

Originally posted by Mountain
OHHHH THE HORROR!!!!! THE HORROR!!! Here come the crawfish. NO!!!! not th

[strange ominous silence]

That sucks, now I am down to 3 readers. Jose Javier Gorostarzu will be punished for not letting me see the destruction and letting the Crawfish out. Mountain, consider yourself lucky the Crawfish got to you before we had the lasers installed. :)

[Coffee Warlord]

The Galesburg Avengers will come to Avenge you, Mountain!

Vennnnnnnnnnngeeeaaaannnnce!

[The Afoci]

Originally posted by Coffee Warlord
The Galesburg Avengers will come to Avenge you, Mountain!

Vennnnnnnnnnngeeeaaaannnnce!

You dare challenge the Crawfish. "You better guard your daughters or they will be" Les "their" Cherry "s" will be on his way to Galesburg right after the match. Happy peeing too you! ;)

[Coffee Warlord]

We fear no Crawfish. Even those with lasers.

Why? We have our mighty promotional items.

First generation supporters wield the deadly Board With A Nail Through It.

Second generation? Board With a Rusty Nail Through It.

Third? Large Rocks.

Now that money is flowing, and in honor of the new season, we will soon be upgrading our promotional items to Socks Filled With Quarters.

Fear us.

[moriarty]

Oh dear lord, it's spreading ...

[Mountain]

Don't worry. Mountain's vengeful spirit has been communing with some of the best chefs in New Orleans on crawfish recipes. I hear they're delicious with a nice remoulade sauce on the side.

[Marmel]

Mmm........Crawfish with remoulade sauce.

[The Afoci]

Maniacal Mishaps...

510 spectators had come to Maniacal Misfitz Arena this cloudy day. Maniacal started off with a 4-5-1 lineup. The following players had been chosen: Valdés - Ceballos, Ferreira da Silv, Dent, Fontaine - Eddy, Simon, Magennis, Blanco, Troutt - Ortega.

Fighting tactics involved an interesting 3-5-2 combination. The following players had been chosen: Bossio - Gorostarzu, Gyimesi, Simic - Westerhall, Danielsson, Kline, Woodson, Rossi - Rannem , Darden.

6 minutes into the game José Javier Gorostarzu was a hair´s breadth away from giving Fighting the lead. A prompt block by Jorge Valdés saved the home team that time.José Javier Gorostarzu was then forced to play the rest of the game with a Crawfish attached to his sack. It limited his effectiveness. Maniacal seemed to suffer a certain amount of confusion after seeing that carnage. Stuart Troutt was dominating his wing and kept sending fine balls into the enemy box - Charles Eddy managed to kick one of them into 1 - 0 in the 34:th minute. Fighting could level the score in the 36:th minute at 1 - 1, as Dan Woodson struck home after a fine midfield combination, leaving him completely unmarked. Maniacal appeared unsure on how to play as many were mysteriously suffering from STD's. Fighting took the lead in the games 42nd minute with 1 - 2 after some elegant plays down the middle. Ivar "why couldn't my name be Ivan" Rannem was the scorer. The teams went for a half-time break at 1 - 2. Maniacal, bringing the final ball possession rate to 53 percent, dominated the battle.

During the break Maniacal´s coach went through the teams new tactics yet again. Seth Ortega pulled a real crowd pleaser as he, in the 51st minute, wove through the guests whole central defense line and put the 2 - 2 equaliser away. 60 minutes into the game Christian Rossi had to leave the pitch due to a knee injury. In came Abel Barreto. Stuart Troutt of Maniacal received a yellow card in the 63rd minute for unsportsmanlike behaviour. Maniacal held the ball, with a clear 76 percent possession rate.

The most dominating Maniacal player was without a doubt Seth Ortega. Alan Magennis was a disappointment, however. The most dominating Fighting player was without a doubt Manuel "the" Bossio. Abel Barreto on the other hand, had a terrible day and was forced to wear shoes made for his right foot on his left and ones for his left on his right during windsprints the next day. He now has many blisters. The match ends 2 - 2.

Midfield: wretched
Right Side Defence: passable
Central Defence: passable
Left Side Defence: inadequate
Right Side Attack: inadequate
Central Attack: passable
Left Side Attack: inadequate


After last weeks 5-1 victory over this squad, this was a very disappointing tie. The Fighting Crawfish are only hours away from major announcements. The jet ride home was full rumors as The Afoci was heard screaming at Felix "Coach" Gruber. Mikey "Number Two" Denney didn't make the trip to Maniacal Misfitz Arena and many think he was left behind to work on Project Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws. What awaits our heroes when the land back in Fargo, North Dakota???

[sterlingice]

"You better guard your daughters or they will be" Les "their" Cherry "s"

Have you considered that his nickname just might be a smidge too long. I just keep hearing this Chris Berman voice in my head and it just doesn't work: he's out of breath, coughing and wheezing, by the end :p

SI

[The Afoci]

The Plane Returns....

Tensions were high on the plane, and things were about to get worse. Upon landing, The Afoci was rushed off by his personally security and everyone was told to stay on the plane. They could see him speaking with Mikey "Number Two" Denney and next to him were two mysterious figures. In the distance many trucks, big trucks were pulling up to the stadium. Could this be the unveiling of Project Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws????

As the men starting shuffling off the plane, still in their uniforms, Károly Gyimesi was grabbed by the guards and stripped. So was Abel Barreto. The Afoci approached the two. His guards handed him the uniforms.

"Károly Gyimesi" said The Afoci in a stern voice, "you are a very lucky man. I wanted to use you as testing on Project Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws, but we put you on the transfer wire. Some sorry fool payed $141,000 for you. Leave immedately. If you say anything of the secrets you, I will kill you myself, I will kill your family, I will kill your dog..."

"The Afoci" pipes up Mikey "Number Two" Denney.

"What?" blurts back The Afoci "I am trying to teach him a lesson he will never forget..."

"Um..." said Mikey "Number Two" Denney "Uh...He can't speak English"

"Aaladfwer weruioasdg weuiopr" says Károly Gyimesi shaking his head as he walks away naked.

Abel Barreto was then told he had three days to find a team that is willing to pay at least $1000 for him or he would be turned in Crawfish Food.

"Now let me introduce you guys to a couple of players who know how to win" says The Afoci, "A spaniard, João Fernando de Oliveira has no room for a nick name because I can't pronounce the one he has got. He will wear number 4" turn towards João Fernando de Oliveira The Afoci says, "Sorry, Ocho, in your language, and be your Central Defender. Also, Daniel Mughal will now be a starting winger. He is Canadian, so try not to tease him to much. Dismissed!"

Everyone scatters.

"Number Two, come here" says The Afoci "In an attempt to help finance Project Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws, I have hired a group to increase the size of our Secret Hide Out/Stadium by 9000 seats up to 16000 total. Now we will be over $350,000 in debt. Begin Operation Panhandling Players because we have no money!

"Understood" said Mikey "Number Two" Denney "should we get all dirt and beg for food too?"

"Hmmm..." said The Afoci "Not a bad idea. And send someone to dispose of that Ben McMahon(winger for the Screaming Seamen), he was trying to convince the players to join the Church of Ben. I want his head by night fall....never mind send "You better guard your daughters or they will be" Les "their" Cherry "s" to visit his wife. Yes.... My plan is coming together...Soon we will rule the world!!!!.....Umm could you look at this...." he says pointing to his crotch, "I got this rash and it burns when I pee..."

[Mountain]

Damned clap infested Crawfish groupies.

[DataKing]

This has to be one of the funniest starts to a dynasty report ever.

I usually skim over the match reports from other dynasties, but for some reason I felt the need to read this one in detail. Now I'm not so glad that I did...

Originally posted by The Afoci
6 minutes into the game José Javier Gorostarzu was a hair´s breadth away from giving Fighting the lead. A prompt block by Jorge Valdés saved the home team that time. José Javier Gorostarzu was then forced to play the rest of the game with a Crawfish attached to his sack.

Great stuff The Afoci. Keep it up (and remind me never to play against the crawfish). :D

[illinifan999]

I'm scared. But I'm reading. ;)

[The Afoci]

Run, The Afoci, Run

"Tell me" The Afoci says quitely while reclining in his chair deep in his secret hide out, "How did the men take to my training methods?"

"Sir" says Felix "Coach" Gruber "the men are now stronger and faster. I think we should go at least one more week though, as some men didn't take as much as we would like."

"Stragglers" says The Afoci, "We will make sure that take to it soon." He then stands up and is wearing a diaper and no pants. He pick up a small stick like object and slides it inside his diaper and begins scratching "Ahhhh, that feels good, anyway, I have a plan for the next practice that will make the men run harder."

Feeling ill, Felix "Coach" Gruber struggles to say "Umm...yeah that um....are you okay, why are you wearing a diaper?"

"Well" says The Afoci "it appears my weiner is now covered in a horrible rash and it leaks sometimes. The diaper helps...it is actually kinda refreshing, you know I am taking a crap right now and i don't have to worry about wiping...the smell sticks with me for a while, but I get use to it."

"Yeah......" says Felix "Coach" Gruber "Um.... I will get my men ready for practice, bye."

The Afoci watches as he leaves and gets up and stretches, walks to garbage and takes off his diaper. "Damn, thats a good stinky. Hmm.... this rash appears to be spreading." He puts the diaper in the garbage and reaches to the fridge and he opens it and grabs some peanut butter. He then spreads it all over his rash. "This is rather refreshing!"

The men are gathering on the field for practice, many of them now faster and stronger. Rumors are running rampant of what happened to Ben McMahon(winger for the Screaming Seamen). Many are also still dressed as hobos. The "Operation Panhandling Players because we have no money!" was put in to action last night and many of the players were dumping the money collected into a hat held by Mikey "Number Two" Denney.

As Number Two walks towards the secret hide out he hears the noise of the guard dogs barking. He sprints to the door and brust into the room, worried that perhaps something has happened to The Afoci. Number Two darts to him as it appears the dogs are attacking him and The Afoci is making weird moaning noises. After a brief struggle, Number Two rips the dogs off The Afoci.

"Damn" says The Afoci "Those dogs really like their peanut butter. Where are my pants?"

Confused and embarrassed slightly, Number Two says "Umm... Operation Panhandling Players because we have no money! was a success, we got over $25!"

"Great!" says The Afoci "We are out of peanut butter! You should go get some, peanut butter does wonders for a rash. Do you have a smoke, I suddenly feel like smoking?"

"Ummm..." says Number Two "No... We should get to practice. We are in the USA Cup too, get the men excited, it is a good way to get some cash to fund Project Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws!

Number Two leaves to go to the practice field as The Afoci sits around and wonders what he is going to say to his men. All we know is that with each passing second, the Crawfish Crazies, the official supporters of Operation Crawfish with Lasers instead of Claws is growing, and with that The Afoci power grows....

[Marmel]

Just when I thought we had gotten past the really wierd part of this dynasty.................

[illinifan999]

I'm really scared now.

[Qwikshot]

Disturbing...

[The Afoci]

White Black Birds and A Can of White Spray Paint

As The Afoci walks out of the secret hide out, fully clothed and lacking any peanut butter, he admires the blue skies. Walking, looking towards the sky, he slips to the ground and screams at what he sees. A black bird painted white, dead but looking him in the eyes. He sits still for a moment and gets an idea...

His men assemble in front of him, all listening very carefully to what he has to say. He calls out Lars-Olof "Chris Gaines" Uddstad, he carries his boom box with him. The Afoci walks to him and adjusts it. Lars-Olof "Chris Gaines" Uddstad walks to the men and holds the boom box above his head and soon the music starts to blare out of its speakers. The Afoci begins dancing to the odd beat....

"Stop, Calabrate and Listen" Screams The Afoci at the top of his lungs, "Ice is back with a brand new invention..." He continues to the end of the song ending it with a back flip. Sweating he gets up mumbling to himself who his is the greatest white rapper ever to live and how coming from the mean streets of Hawley, Minnesota, a small town 20 miles east of Fargo, gives him the street credit of some of the most hardcore rappers, ie. Vanilla Ice, Hammer, and Kris Kross.

"Alright boys" says The Afoci "we struggled last game and I blame you all for that, but it is in the past. We must move on. The next game is the biggest one we Crawfish have ever had. It is against the Tennessee FC, they are a new club and we should crush them on our quest to win the cup. We will try a 451 as opposed to our usually 352 because it is 99 more, obviously better. But I don't have to tell you that, you guys know soccer. Training last week was alright, but this week will be better. Mikey "Number Two" Denney please bring out the training helpers."

Number Two walks up to him carrying 3 bags. He then hands everyone 2 cans of white spray paint.

"You all may know" says The Afoci "that my father was defeated by a group of evil, vile black bird not far from here. To work on your endurance and agility, you will all be required to turn those black bastards white. Now go!!!!"

Number Two and The Afoci go sit in the stands and watch the men scatter running and pouncing black birds, spray painting them white and jumping up screaming "Got one" as they celebrate looking for the next victim.

"Man down!!!!" screams "I am a big scary, fire breathing" Dragan Simic "The birds are returning fire, we got men down all over the place, retreat!!!!"

"NOOO!!!!" screams The Afoci "We can't lose, get back out there!!!!" He gets up and retreats to the secret hide out. From it, he hears the screams of men having there eyes poked out by birds.

An hour later, everything is quiet and The Afoci emerges from the secret hide out. He looks at the carnage, the men are holding each other up. He looks to the skies, no black birds. The men are starting to cheer. Victory. It is the first victory they have experienced as team. They all form a circle at the center of Fighting Crawfish Arena. A group hug of spray paint, bird poop, sweat, blood and tears. The 23 men have become one team, no longer a group of misfits. They have one goal, that goal is to become the first squad to have Crawfish with Laser Blasters Instead of Claws!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[moriarty]

Mmmm.... peanut butter.

(someone needs to stop watching the war coverage)

[Marmel]

I used to rip the claws off of crawfish when I was a kid.

good times, good times indeed.

[sterlingice]

"Stop, Calabrate and Listen" Screams The Afoci at the top of his lungs, "Ice is back with a brand new invention..." He continues to the end of the song ending it with a back flip. Sweating he gets up mumbling to himself who his is the greatest white rapper ever to live and how coming from the mean streets of Hawley, Minnesota, a small town 20 miles east of Fargo, gives him the street credit of some of the most hardcore rappers, ie. Vanilla Ice, Hammer, and Kris Kross.

This really made me laugh for a couple of minutes. I'm not entirely sure why.

SI

[The Afoci]

7 Virgins and 1 Donkey---The Youth Pull Lottery

An silence covered The New Fighting Crawfish Arena as all the players new what was about to happen. It was youth pull day. A new guy was coming. If he was the stud to be rumored, the team would be out of debt, Project Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws would get much need funding and many of the slack asses would be replaced by people that know how to play. Very exciting indeed...

Number Two announced that the mysterious youth pull would be a keeper. This keeper held the keys to the future. As Number Two escorted him on to the field, they stared in awe. "Is he Jesus?" asked one guy, "Is he a guy?" asked another. Yet another asked "What are those sores on his thighs?" They were a true sign of a Crawfish Player. STD's.

"What is your name?" screamed The Afoci at the young man.

"William Dunning" he said back.

Shrouded in mystery, they began asking him questions to find his age. "Do you like the new or old XTina?" asked The Afoci.

"The new one" said William Dunning.

He had hit puberty, a good sign. "How old are you?" asked The Afoci.

Everyone went quiet. "18" he said.

Not a bad sign, still young. "Get in the goal" said Felix "Coach" Gruber

He stood in the goal and everyone lined up and begin kicking balls at him. He stopped the first few and celebration amongst the coaches began. But then something happened. One got by, then another, then another. He was failing. Suddenly it could be heard in the back ground...growing louder and louder.

Dut Dut Dut UH, Another one bites the dust starts blaring from Lars-Olof "Chris Gaines" Uddstad boom box. The men circle him and The Afoci starts doing his now famous dance. Shades of his break dancing past are shown. He was magical on the field this day. Tears filled the eyes of Number Two as he had seen him praticing this many times before and finally, he was doing it and it was perfect. Only one thing remained. A extremely difficult ending flip into a twist that would end with him spinning like a top. Everything started great but as he started spinning things went out of control and The Afoci hit his head on the bar of the goal.

Laying there, "Knocked the fuck out" as Lars-Olof "Chris Gaines" Uddstad said, the guards released the angry, and I mean angry Crawfish on the new guy.

His obituary read:

William Dunning (10659765)
18 years, passable form, healthy

A controversial person who is fiery and dead.
Has disastrous experience and wretched leadership abilities but who cares because he was killed by angry, and i mean angry Crawfish.

Nationality: USA
Assessed value: 40 000 US$
Wage: 700 US$/week
Owner: Fighting Crawfish
Warnings: 1, then they killed him.


Stamina: wretched(mainly because he is dead)
Goaltending: weak(about the same as when he was alive)
Playmaking: disastrous Passing: disastrous
Winger: disastrous Defending: disastrous
Scoring: disastrous Set Pieces: wretched

Career Goals: 0
Career Hattricks: 0
League goals this season: 0
Cup goals this season: 0

Rest in peace you bastard. Love The Afoci!

Abel Barreto sold somehow for about 10k. We got 5k for a former player and then 8.5k for the same guy after he sold twice in the same week. Stay tuned, as more will come when The Afoci wakes up.

On a side note, thanks to those who are reading, it is nice to know my story is being followed by some. Thanks.

[Coffee Warlord]

A controversial person who is fiery and dead.

*falls over laughing*

[FrogMan]

Originally posted by The Afoci
His obituary read:

William Dunning (10659765)
18 years, passable form, healthy

A controversial person who is fiery and dead.
Has disastrous experience and wretched leadership abilities but who cares because he was killed by angry, and i mean angry Crawfish.


Gotta assume his health took a turn for the worse after that beating...

FrogMan

[Marmel]

Originally posted by The Afoci
Rest in peace you bastard. Love The Afoci!





Beautiful. :)

[DataKing]

This is kind of like watching a car wreck. You can't take your eyes off of it, no matter how hard you try. :D

[The Afoci]

A Kid, A Crawfish, Five Dollars and a Dream

As The Afoci was rushed from the field to his top secret hide out near The New Fighting Crawfish Arena after a terrible break dancing accident, many things rushed through his head.

"Number Two" said The Afoci as he motioned him closer, "Am I....Am I going to make it?"

"Um...." said Number Two "I would say chances are good considering you only have a small cut."

"Not a small cut" screams The Afoci "Now I will never star in a Gap ad."

As The Afoci sat up all heroic like, the men were carrying him down the stairs to his secret hide out. They lost their balance and he was dropped down an entire flight of stairs....

Laying at the bottom, he mumbled..."Father....Is that you?" before going passing out again...

He began seeing his life flash before him, suddenly he was 12 again. His mother had given him 5 dollars. The options of what to do with a 5 dollar bill at that age were endless....or so he thought. After realizing he couldn't get the keg of beer and carton of smokes every 12 year old desired, he knew he only had one choice. The underground animal fights.

They was a secret society of animal fighters on the mean streets of Hawley, Minnesota. The events were held secretly at the local City Hall and were televised on PBS for entertainment purposes only. The event was BYOA, or bring your own animal. The Afoci a rookie in the event brought a Crawfish. It was his first meeting with the great beast of an animal when it would be used as a fighting machine. He went to the local T-shirt shop and had 1 Fighting Crawfish XXXL shirt made. He wore it proudly that day.

Now he knew the wager could bring him large sums of money, upwards in the high teens or low twenties in American Dollars. The whole event was very similar to the movie Bloodsport. This was the Kumeitia(or however that is spelled) of Hawley, Minnesota underground animal fighting.

Our hero made his bet. 5 dollars on the Crawfish to win the whole thing. He was an underdog...literally. He first match came against a German Shepard. A police dog named Chavez "the dope finding" Dog. That dog had all the connections. You wanted some smoke, that dog got it for ya. It was the good stuff too, not the kind a crap you expect from a dog named Chavez "The dope finding" Dog.

The Afoci did his best to get the crawfish ready, and its fight was valiant, but 2.4214 seconds into the first round it was over. Chavez "The dope finding" Dog had eaten the Crawfish.

It was on his walk home, that a defeated The Afoci, with no beer or smokes, realized that his plan was flawed. His whole approach to the underground animal fighting was wrong. His plan to use just a crawfish was flawed...he knew what he needed...Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws!!!!

[Marmel]

That story brought a tear to my eye. Now we finally know what The Afoci wants Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws!!!!

[The Afoci]

Originally posted by Marmel
That story brought a tear to my eye. Now we finally know what The Afoci wants Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws!!!!

really, that makes me feel better now, because I wasn't sure I was getting the main point of this across. at least now I know I have reached one person :)

[DataKing]

Whatever happened to Chavez "the dope finding" Dog?

[The Afoci]

Originally posted by DataKing
Whatever happened to Chavez "the dope finding" Dog?

He has been a large part in helping me write this dynasty. Trust me, this isn't the last of Chavez "the dope finding" Dog?.

[Qwikshot]

Does Chavez talk?

[Marmel]

The best part of this dynasty is that nothing actually happens.

It was started a week ago, and is on the second page, and what has happened? One friendly, and a few dead players. :)

[The Afoci]

The Tennessee FC

In what will be the first ever Cup game for the Fighting Crawfish, Tennessee FC, a computer run team, should be no problem. But because stamina is being trained, Felix "Coach" Gruber has decided to go with his starting squad to keep up the form.

Meanwhile in a secret hide out not so far away...

The Afoci awakes in a cold sweat from his nightmares of when he was 12. The great Crawfish who first gave him the idea, gave him a goal.... a dream to have Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws. He knew what had to be done. A smile came to his face. The plan was great, perhaps his greatest. The secret to getting Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws was all in Chavez "the dope finding" Dog. In his poop.

"Number Two" said The Afoci "Get me that dog!"

"What the hell are you talking about" said Mikey "Number Two" Denney "What dog?"

Realizing his mistake he filled Mikey "Number Two" Denney in on what he was thinking(edit for all the perverts below :) ). A crying Number Two embraced The Afoci and they just cried and talked. Number Two sent guards out looking for Chavez "the dope finding" Dog.

Mysteriously a phone rings. The Afoci picks it up.

"You need to make brownies" said the mysterious voice "if you want to talk to Chavez "the dope finding" Dog. Only with brownies will you communicate with him..."

"Jesus?" asked The Afoci.

"Yes?" said the voice.

"Yes, I knew it was you." said The Afoci

"Damn it" said Jesus "Just make your brownies and communicate with the dog. I always fall for that one. When will I learn...."

The phone then disconnected.

"I just talked to Jesus" said The Afoci to Number Two "and he wants me to make brownies. And he was talking and it disconnected, because [breaking into his hair band voice and with Warrant now blaring from his Stereo system] Heaven isn't too far away!!!"

The Afoci was swaying back in forth, lighter in the air.

Number Two gets up, walks to the stereo and shuts it off. "Actually it is because we are broke and they shut off the phones."

"Yeah, that sucks" says The Afoci "Now lets make some brownies."

These weren't your average brownies, no, these were special. With about an about a quarter ounce of a green leafy substance communication with Chavez "the dope finding" Dog would be possible.

The guards return with dog in had. They set him down. The Afoci, about 3/4 done with his brownies, turns to him and looks slyly at the dog.

"So you like peanut butter, cutie" asksThe Afoci

"Eat me" says Chavez "the dope finding" Dog.

They continue witty banter back and forth and after The Afoci feeds him the rest of the brownies, Chavez "the dope finding" Dog comes and sits on the chair next to him.

"Hey, man, I am sorry what I did to that Crawfish" says Chavez "the dope finding" Dog "I don't like the dog I was then. I was cruel and mean...damn, these are good brownies"

"Hey don't worry about it man" says The Afoci "It was destiny, now look where we are, we are good kids having good times... You know what we should do?"

"Man, no!" says Chavez "the dope finding" Dog "I don't like peanut butter! Let it go!"

"Damn" says The Afoci "Okay. Umm...How about we get a pizza?"

They order a pizza and eat it. They continue talking. Chavez "the dope finding" Dog pledges his help to The Afoci and the goal to make Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws.

Laughter could be heard from the secret hide out as the team boarded the bus to go to the cup games...

"No" says Chavez "the dope finding" Dog "you tricked Jesus, that is so cool"....

[Mountain]

"Realizing his mistake he filled Mikey 'Number Two' Delaney."

I don't really know if I want the answer to this but what did you mean by this highly disturbing statement? Filled him with what? God I hope its not where you put your peanut butter. :p

[Marmel]

Ack! I thought we were going to get another match recap.

It was nice to see Chavez "The dope finding" Dog though.

[The Afoci]

Originally posted by Mountain
"Realizing his mistake he filled Mikey 'Number Two' Delaney."

I don't really know if I want the answer to this but what did you mean by this highly disturbing statement? Filled him with what? God I hope its not where you put your peanut butter. :p

Sorry, i wasn't clear here. He filled him in on what happened when he was 12 and why he wanted to see Chavez "the dope finding" Dog. He thought of it when he was knocked out.

[Coffee Warlord]

Originally posted by Marmel
Ack! I thought we were going to get another match recap.

It was nice to see Chavez "The dope finding" Dog though.

Since when did this dynasty have anything to do with Hattrick? :)

[leverb66]

Originally posted by Mountain
"Realizing his mistake he filled Mikey 'Number Two' Delaney."

I don't really know if I want the answer to this but what did you mean by this highly disturbing statement? Filled him with what? God I hope its not where you put your peanut butter. :p

This one REALLY scared me too.

BoB

[The Afoci]

Victory!!!!

The crowd of 3246 turning up at Tennessee Road today were greeted by some nasty showers of rain and Crawfish. Tennessee tactics involved an interesting 4-4-2 combination. The following players had been chosen: Eldridge - Hyde, Fritz, Joseph, Engel - Michael, Allison, Lumpkin, Lovett - Harman, Lockwood.

Fighting started off with a 4-5-1 lineup. They fielded: Bossio - Gorostarzu, de Oliveira, Cherry, Simic - Mughal, Danielsson, Kline, Woodson, Uddstad - Rannem .

Daniel Mughal came close to putting the visiting team one up in the 10:th minute, following a solo raid down the middle, but Stevie Eldridge managed to tip the ball to a corner. Fighting´s "You better guard your daughters or else they will be" Les "their" Cherry"s" could have put the guests one up in the 14:th minute, chasing a through ball but Stevie Eldridge was fast as a snake, grabbing the ball from under his nose. The terraces were silenced in the 27:th minute as Fighting´s Dan Woodson put the guests ahead 0 - 1, following an attack from the right. Dan Woodson was, after 39 minutes, almost able to extend the visitors lead with a well placed diving header but home side keeper Stevie Eldridge saved. Tennessee made a substitution in the 39:th minute. Alfred Lumpkin limped off the field after mysteriously finding a Crawfish attached to his sack and was replaced by Dom Owens. Fighting appeared unsure on how to play after witnessing the carnage. Dom Owens pulled a real crowd pleaser as he, in the 42nd minute, wove through the guests whole central defense line and put the 1 - 1 equaliser away. Halftime score was 1 - 1. This part of the game had been a standoff between the teams.

Fighting -coach, Felix "Coach" Gruber had an extra briefing during the break, and after that his players looked a lot more organized. They also snuck over and placed angry Crawfish in Stevie Eldridge jock, thus limiting his effectiveness. Fighting´s "I am a big mean fire breathing" Dragan Simic gave the visitors a 1 - 2 lead in the 46:th minute with a superb strike from the right. He then lit himself on fire to celebrate and was rather ineffective with the smell of burned hair and flesh making him ill. In the 75th minute the visitors put themselves ahead 1 - 3 as Dan Woodson finished off an attack from the left with a spectacular scissors ninja kick. Some fine manouvering on the left lead to an 83rd minute Fighting goal, making it 1 - 4. Mikey Kline was noted down as the scorer. The structure of the game started to change as Fighting decided to pull back and meet their opponents in the defensive zone. Fighting appeared unsure on how to play. Gustav Danielsson received some harsh words from his coach after he acted foolishly, probably because he was seen eating some special brownies on the sidelines, in the 84:th minute and almost caused an opponent to score. In the games 84:th minute "You better guard your daughters or else they will be" Les "their" Cherry"s" nearly put the visitors another one up as he broke through and fired from just outside the box, his shot passed just over the bar. "You better guard your daughters or else they will be" Les "their" Cherry"s" of Fighting received a yellow card in the 87:th minute for trying to dry hump a ref. Fighting held the ball, with a clear 57 percent possession rate, but only kicked it around about 10 percent of the time.

Most important Tennessee player was Stevie Eldridge. Trent Joseph on the other hand, had a terrible day. Most important Fighting player was Manuel Bossio. João Fernando de Oliveira on the other hand, had a terrible day and was forced to endure the ride home singing folks songs naked on the bus. Luckily no one got injured. The match ends 1 - 4.

[On a side note, I am a little short on time now, so there may or may not be an update on Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws. I don't want this to slip the wrong way and start to be too much about soccer :)]

[Marmel]

"He then lit himself on fire to celebrate"

Heh. That is great! I can see the cover of SI right now, with him engulfed in flames.

[The Afoci]

...WOW, Felix, Your Stamina has definately improved....

A weird noise is coming from the secret hide out. It is squeaky and some would say it is getting freaky. The Afoci walks down the stairs to the door. He stops and listens by the door.

"Felix "Coach" Gruber, your stamina has definately improved...Ohhh...." says Number Two.

The Afoci busts through the door and sees...and sees something he never thought he would see...Number Two getting it in the number two hole....

"AHHHHH!!!!!" screams The Afoci as he sits up on his bed awaking from his horrible nightmare. He roles to his left and sees empty peanut butter cans. He turns to his right, Chaves "the dope finding" Dog is smoking and has some peanut butter around his mouth.

"Not bad for a dog, huh?" says Chaves "the dope finding" Dog.

"AHHHHH!!!!!!" screams The Afoci awaking from yet another horrible dream. He looks to his left. Nothing. He looks to his right. A pan of half eaten brownies. He realises what has happened.

"Sir" says Number Two wearing a pink feathered scarf, "We had 8 new supports join Project Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws. We also were able to steal about $5000 from their concession stands on the way out. Not a bad week. We also got news of our next game. I will review it today and go over it with you tomorrow."

"Great" says The Afoci "But why the hell are you wearing a pink feathered scarf?"

"Well" says Number Two "I am starting to realize that being a goalie isn't going to make me my fortune. I am taking dancing lessons and I want to be a Showgi....I mean a Showgu...umm....I guess I want to just dance you know."

"Ummm..." says The Afoci "This won't effect your role in Project Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws will it?"

"No" says Number Two "I will never let my determination and desire for Project Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws die."

"What do you think of Felix "Coach" Gruber?" says The Afoci.

"Uh..." says Number Two "He's nice. Why, has he said anything about me?" he says blushing now.

The Afoci walks out of the room, and up to the New Fighting Crawfish Arena, which is only days away from completion. The men are all out on the feild preparing for the days practice. A whistle blows and they form a line. Coach walks in front of them talking about how proud his is of this last weeks victory and the practices they have had. He then dismisses them for breakfast.

"The Afoci" says Coach "This last week was great. We won our game as you know and our training went better than we could have ever imagined. Nearly everyone went up in stamina with almost no drops in form. We actually had about 5 people go up in form."

"Yeah...Yeah..." says The Afoci "Great, um, I was going through some request forms and you want the team colors to be Pink and Purple.."

Interupting, Coach says "Actually Fuscia."

"Um..." says The Afoci "No... we won't be doing that."

"Sir" says Coach "Is it wrong to have a coach date a player?"

"You said cheerleader, right?" says The Afoci "Right?"

"No" says Coach "I said player, mainly Number Two. Hit it."

At that moment, Prince is blaring over the loud speakers of the stadium and everyone starts dancing. The Afoci takes of running.

"My team is GAY!!!!!" he screams.

"April Fools!!!!!!!!" screams the team together.

"It is the 4th today" says The Afoci confused "Isn't that on the 1st of April?"

"Yes" says a voice from the heavens. "Don't fuck with the Jesus or everyday will be April Fools day."

A lightning bolt then hits the ground in the middle of the stadium.

"Ah..." says the voice from the heavens "You thought I was actually mad at you. Humans, so dumb sometimes....."

Everyone starts laughing and then suddenly the lights come on in the stadium.

"We have power" says The Afoci "Jesus gave us power!!!!"

"Um..." says Number Two "yeah, it could be that or the fact we paid our bill."

As they all dance and rejoice in a lit stadium, a lone Crawfish is seen on top of the new Jumbotron which is usually showing Jenna Loves Brianna.

Pointing to the Jumbotron, The Afoci shouts to his men "That is the Crawfish, that is the Crawfish who will be the first to get the new and improved Laser Blasters instead of Claws. MMMUUUUHHHHAAAHHHHAAAAAA *cough* *cough*... Damn it, that was my best evil laugh ever, and I cough. This sucks. He walks away shaking his head.

"Don't worry The Afoci" says Number Two "You'll get them next time..."

[The Afoci]

Maraxuses, Shmaraxuses!

"You better guard your daughters or else they will be" Les "their" Cherry"s" has been sent out to deal with the "threat" of Maraxuses forward Jonathan Pace. My his wife enjoy "You better guard your daughters or else they will be" Les "their" Cherry"s" newfound stamina.

They are my first league opponent this year (obviously) and were the first league team I didn't lose to last year (2-2). They seem to be a better team all around than the teams they play(poor MF, Exc attacks), yet they tie or lose to them. I need to beat them to start the season right. I am planning on 352 and going defensive wingbacks, with my left side middie and winger offensive and my right middie defensive and my right wing towards the middle to help get my midfield up.

Everyone off the bus, Ivar "why couldn't my name be Ivan" Rannem made a messy.

Tragedy was adverted on the way to mabboud Arena in Nebraska. Nearly everyone made it off the bus when Ivar "why couldn't my name be Ivan" Rannem crapped himself on a triple dog dare. What many thought would be a log turned into a liquidy, chuncky, and most importantly stinky suprise. The sad moment came when Number Two realized the choosen Crawfish was still on the bus. He returned to the bus and upon going by Ivar "why couldn't my name be Ivan" Rannem seat, he slipped, fell in the poo and crushed the choosen Crawfish. A tear filled memorial service was held at a local gas station bathroom.

Hopefully this won't effect the teams play today.

[The Afoci]

The French Connection...

"Damn it Coach" yells The Afoci "How could we not see this before. The French. We were outsmarted by the God Damn French. We must make an example out of him. He must suffer like no other has suffered. He must feel the anger of Crawfish everywhere and send the message back to France!"

Narrator:

As you can see, The Afoci is very upset on this gameday. He has found that the French have infiltrated the Youth Squad which now is being reported as passable. He also believes that the reason Project Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws is running behind because "what the hell do the French know about blowing stuff up?"

To prove a point to the team that this is very serious, they made a purchase, a sacrifice. His name is Lenny Hart, the latest youth pull for the Galesburg Avengers. He was aquired for a bucket of Crab Legs(I bet you can't guess which kind of Crabs those are!).

Everyone is getting ready to go on the field down in Nebraska, but The Afoci wants his squad to know, this is a league game and only the best will be accepted!

Lars-Olof "Chris Gaines" Uddstad, Get the BOOM BOX!

The whole squad, with exception of the 2 unlucky fellows, Lenny Hart and Pierre-Albert Alexandre(the 20 year old weak keeper youth pull), are dancing to the sweet beats of DUT DUT DUT UH, ANOTHER ONE BITES THE DUST...AND ANOTHER ONE AND ANOTHER ONE...

"Release the Crawfish!!!!" screams Number Two.

With that 100s of angry, and I mean angry Crawfish were released to kill, crush and destroy Lenny Hart and Pierre-Albert Alexandre. They screamed like the ladies with "You better watch your daughters or they will be" Les "their" Cherry"s". Only in agony, not pleasure, except that one time "You better watch your daughters or they will be" Les "their" Cherry"s" got the wrong hole, because that was agony. So yeah, like the time "You better watch your daughters or they will be" Les "their" Cherry"s" stuck it in the wrong hole.

It is sad to know that the last words of Lenny Hart and Pierre-Albert Alexandre were similiar to those of a girl getting it in the number two torpedo hole by accident.

The team took notice, and so did the Maraxuses. Many were seen trembling in fear. Rumors are running rampant as laughter was heard from the locker room as The Afoci was unveiling to Coach and Number Two the secret weapon he had brought along. Could it be the unveiling of the first successful Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws??? or is it a Idiots Guide to Soccer Tactics. Only time will tell, only time will tell.

[Mountain]

Ahhhhh. I see Cherry uses one of my perosnal favorite tactics, the "accidental" slip. "Ohh!!! I'm sorry honey, I didn't mean to do that, . . . did that hurt?"

[The Afoci]

Let the Pummeling Continue!!!!!

The crowd of 10583 turning up at mabboud Arena today were greeted by some nasty showers of rain and Crawfish. maraxuses had chosen a strategic 3-5-2 formation. They fielded: Schaefer - Mackey, Knölby, Price - Aguirre De Cárce, Zabers, Buchan, Ripollés, Kelley - Pace, Dennis.

Fighting had chosen a strategic 3-5-2 formation. They fielded: Bossio - Gorostarzu, de Oliveira, Simic - Rossi, Danielsson, Kline, Woodson, Mughal - Rannem , Darden.

After 3 minutes maraxusess José Luis Ripollés had to be carried off on a stretcher in agony after he was hit by a stray laser. Many believed it to have come from the smoking pile of goo that used to be A Crawfish with Laser Blaster instead of Claws. Luke "I don't need a nickname because my name is" Beavers[b] came in instead of him. [b]Jazeps Zabers gave his maraxuses the lead with 1 - 0, as he successfully challenged both the guests central defenders, then placed the ball unreachably at the goaltenders right post. After several obvious shirt pulling incidents, maraxuses´s Luke Beavers got himself booked. The referee showed maraxusess Jonathan Pace the yellow card after a particularly nasty challenge after hearing the taunts from "You better guard your daughters or they will be" Les "their" Cherry"s" about how his wife sucked in bed. Literally or figuritively it isn't nice. "I am a big, fire breathing" Dragan Simic showed great fighting spirit and didn´t seem to mind the rain at all. Fighting could level the score in the 25:th minute at 1 - 1, as Christian Rossi struck home after a fine midfield combination, leaving him completely unmarked. 1 - 1 was the half-time score. The fortyfive minutes were dominated by Fighting, with an impressive 55 percent possession of the ball, they celebrated by getting drunk. A rather unorthodox technique.

Daniel Mughal was dominating his wing and kept sending fine balls into the enemy box - Christian Rossi managed to kick one of them into 1 - 2 in the 49:th minute. Fightings Daniel Mughal got himself booked after a foul for doing the funky chicken. maraxuses were forced to a substitution as Bernard Schaefer couldn´t continue playing due to the rough treatment and a mysterious Crawfish attached to his sack. Fighting´s Christian Rossi received a play slashing through the home side´s defense in the 71st minute, chipping it past the keeper scoring 1 - 3. The home crowd was not pleased with that one. By then Christian Rossi was a three time scorer - a hat trick! The visitors Mikey Kline took advantage of an error due to a misunderstanding between the home side´s goalie and full backs in the 79:th minute. 1 - 4 for Fighting. After 82 minutes a combination in the middle resulted in a through ball for Dan Woodson who increased Fighting´s lead to 1 - 5. After this Fighting lowered the tempo in order to concentrate on their defensive efforts. The fortyfive minutes were dominated by Fighting, with an impressive 57 percent possession of the ball.

maraxuses´s best player was Floyd Price. Timothy Valdez on the other hand, had a terrible day. Fighting´s best player was Manuel "the" Bossio. Daniel Mughal on the other hand, had a terrible day, yet another naked folk song bus ride. The match ends 1 - 5.

After the match, the team was met by 13 new supporters bring in the total to 617.

After the celebration and half man/half women strippers left, the team sat quietly in the secret hide out as someone knocked on the door.

"Open up" screamed the voice "We know your in there! Your tranny strippers tried to feel me up, but it won't scare me away. The Afoci you need to pay your bills or we will be closing down this little soccer club of yours. You have two weeks to make a payment or its over!"

After he left, The Afoci felt the need to address the team.

"Men" says The Afoci "as many of you saw, we had our first semi-successful test of Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws. We are so close to our goal, if only he didn't explode into a fiery ball of Crawfish goo. It is very important we win the Cup game. If we don't we won't make our debt payments and we will be shut down...."

Everyone started crying and the lights were cut to conserve electricity and there dignity!

[The Afoci]

Lets get it on----YEAH BABY!!!!

Our hero, The Afoci sitting in the dark, with only a small amount of light coming from the door to the secret hide out, remembers back in the good ole days when he had money. No, not a few days ago when he was able to purchase more peanut butter for his "guard dogs", but back when he was a child. A boy of only 15 years of age....



The year was 1995. When most youth his age were rebelling against everything, The Afoci stayed seculded mostly in his room plotting the early stages of what would eventually become Operation Crawfish with Laser Blaster instead of Claws. Although at that stage, his plan involved a daily workout plan for the Crawfish. They would be faster, stronger, and smarter than any Crawfish in the world, thus perfect for taking it over.

"What's 2 + 2" screamed The Afoci at one of the Crawfish. It sat silently. "Damn it you fool. I have been trying to teach you this for days now!" Splat. He crushed it with his feet. "NOOOO, what have I done. What horrible urge could bring me to destroy my mighty Crawfish?"

After pondering that for a matter of moments, The Afoci realized that he had the money to purchase another one, a better one. So he leashed up the remaining 3 Crawfish, grabbed 60 dollars from his Vanilla Ice piggy bank and began a journey. A journey to purchase the greatest Crawfish ever... If only it had been that easy...

Now walking 3 Crawfish down the mean streets of Hawley Minnesota wasn't as easy as you would suspect. For some reason, people would point and laugh at him. They would stop laughing once they had become Super Crawfish he said. They only laughed harder...

As he approached what appeared to be a rather menacing youth on the sidewalk, The Afoci positioned the Crawfish into the popular triangle defensive formation. You couldn't be to careful out there. The youth had only one arm, rumor was that Chavez "the dope finding" Dog ripped if from him in a drug bust. Only him and Jesus knew the truth...unless anyone else witnessed it, because then they would know the truth too. But then again, maybe the youth told some people, so they would probably know the truth also. So probably 2-50 people knew the truth, but The Afoci didn't. The man offered him some weed for only 20 bucks. After thinking about it for a minute, The Afoci reached into his pocket, pulled out a twenty and slyly said "I was planning on planting some weeds in the principals yard, this makes it much easier now..."

He then continues down the sidewalk. A little further up was a nice lady. She always talked to The Afoci. She really liked to play card games, because she always talked about "turning tricks". She must have liked to gamble too, because the buy in apparently was always twenty dollars. Today, The Afoci decided, would be his lucky day, and boy was it.

"Hi there Ma'am" said The Afoci "are you looking for some action?" He had heard some people gambling say they were looking for action, so he said it trying to look experienced.

"Sure, what do you want?" she said

"What do you want to do?" he said back, unsure of what to say.

"Lets go in to this alley quick, it will make it easier." she said.

"Alright then, should I bring my Crawfish with me?" he said.

"That will cost you extra" she said "And what the hell would you want to do with them?"

Trying not to look stupid, he replies "Nothing, I am just out training them to take over the world!" Calming down slightly he walks towards her.

"Yeah...great" she said "give me my twenty and lets go.

He hands her the money and walks into the alley. Imagine his suprise when he thought she was trying to mug him. She reached for his pants and he responded with a "JUDO CHOP!" and drilled her upside the head.

"Oh, I see kid" she said "Ya like it rough!" She then grabbed him and put him over her leg and started spanking him. This is free because I like you. A struggling The Afoci tries to work free when she grabs Little The Afoci. He immediately passes out. "Damn kid" she said "Your quick!".

When he awakes, he realises his Crawfish are gone. He sits crying against the wall. He then stands up and vows never to let anyone or anything get in his dream of world domination!

"Whats this, looks like icing" said The Afoci "Ewww, kinda salty..."



Maybe we should just forget that last part...

[DataKing]

I think I'm gonna be sick...

[Qwikshot]

We've crossed the disturbing threshold.

[Mountain]

For twenty bucks there shouldn't have been anything left for you to sample.

[The Afoci]

Originally posted by Mountain
For twenty bucks there shouldn't have been anything left for you to sample.

If only that were true. Hookers on the Mean Streets of Hawley have the value of players on Swedish market...you just overpay.

[Rich1033]

Wow, I skimmed over it and missed the ending the first time. But I had to go back to see what the disturbing part was you guys were talking about. Well lets just say it was worse than I expected...

Anyway, great job The Afoci. Very entertaining read.

[Marmel]

It not THAT salty.

:p

:eek:

:confused:

:(

[The Afoci]

he only said kinda salty

[The Afoci]

First off, The Fighting Crawfish would like to thank the following supporters:

blever66, Havok12, Eilim, QcFrogman, and McKerney! We have 5 supporters!!!!

One Liter of Everclear!

One Liter of Everclear into the bus ride, The Afoci decides he needs to give the team a heart felt speech to inspire them to bring the Crawfish to victory. As he stumbles to the front of the bus, the team looks to him for inspiration...

"See, what we have today" The Afoci starts to say "is the most important game in the history of The Fighting Crawfish. We need to win this game to stay in existance, so I don't need you slack ass piles of crap messing up my master plan to have Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws. Now if you ladies decide to play today and win, like you should, I will get us some strippers and some whores....[hiccup]....I lost my virginity to the hand of a whore..."

Narrator:

As he broke into tears, puking all over himself, eventually wetting his pants, the team burst into laughter...but what will happen to the Crawfish. Will the team lose? Will they go broke? Will we ever see Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws???? Check back tomorrow to see how it goes!!!

[robbgmaier]

How about Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws and goldurnears?

otherwise, they would be pretty wimpy

[Qwikshot]

God I hope this team survives...but if not, you should apply as the Mighty Phoenix Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws, they explode but rise up from the ashes...

[leverb66]

Why would the Afoci need to buy crawfish isn't Hawley near the middle of Minnesota's 10,000 lakes? Couldn't he just catch some crawfish at the lake? Most Minnesotans have a lake place ya know.

[The Afoci]

Hey, hey, hey, Good bye...

6409 spectators had come to Hanover Armadillos Arena this cloudy day. Armadillos started off with a 3-5-2 lineup. The following players had been chosen: Stephenson - Tackett, Stewart, Mims - Bañuelos, Cigala, Fournier, Strong, Locke - Seward, Davis.

Fighting started off with a 3-5-2 lineup. They fielded: Bossio - Gorostarzu, de Oliveira, Simic - Uddstad, Danielsson, Kline, Woodson, Mughal - Rannem , Darden.

Many thought Mark Davis ought to have been awarded a penalty shot in the 17:th minute, as he went down trying to circle the visitors keeper Manuel Bossio. Some noticed the refs fat wallet, as he didn't make the call. Fightings Norbert Darden got himself booked after kicking the opposing goalie in the sack. Seemingly due to lack of experience, Gustav Danielsson needlessly tripped an opponent just outside the penalty area, but the free kick that followed didn't succeed. Armadillos had a good opportunity to take the lead as Franklyn Seward came up the left side, but he struck the ball weakly and it went straight into the arms of Manuel Bossio. Armadillos took the lead in the 36:th minute of the game by 1 to 0, as Franklyn Seward elegantly received a pass going deep, finishing off with a half-volley shot just below the bar. In the 37:th minute Armadillos put themselves up 2 - 0. The visitors defenders lost the ball to Higinio Bañuelos coming up from the left, who proceeded to cooly round the goaltender and knock the ball home. Lars-Olof "Chris Gaines" Uddstad of Fighting received a yellow card in the 39:th minute for unsportsmanlike behaviour. Many were scared when he broke out in song and dance and began to strip. The teams went for a half-time break at 2 - 0. Armadillos held the ball, with a clear 58 percent possession rate.

Rob Fournier struck a 30 metre free kick home in the 69:th minute. 3 - 0 for the home team. A couple of quick and successful challenges, followed by a shot from just outside the penalty area after 85 minutes might have resulted in another goal for Armadillos. However, Manuel Bossio made a spectacular save. The away team reduced the score to 3 - 1, as Norbert Darden struck home, set up well by a play from the left in the 85:th minute. The fortyfive minutes were dominated by Armadillos, with an impressive 55 percent possession of the ball.

The most dominating Armadillos player was without a doubt Tyree Stewart. Benton Stephenson was a disappointment, however. Fighting´s best player was Manuel Bossio. Daniel Mughal on the other hand, had a terrible day. The match ends 3 - 1.

The Crawfish left the field, bored the bus and everyone went quiet. The Afoci and Number Two had left before the final whistle to get back to Fargo ND. The team was silent the whole ride home wondering what would happen. Who would feel the wrath of the angry, and I mean angry Crawfish? What could The Afoci possibly come up with to torture them?

[mckerney]

Originally posted by The Afoci
Who would feel the wrath of the angry, and I mean angry Crawfish? What could The Afoci possibly come up with to torture them?

One can only wait...

[The Afoci]

Donkeys????

As the squad pulled up to the New Fighting Crawfish Arena they were met by something they really didn't expect. 20 new supporters. What? After a horrible defeat to an inferior team, people were actually join the support group.

Little did the players know, that those who joined, were just left over human sheilds from Iraq and some people from PETA that heard that some Crawfish were going to be slaughtered. Either way, the 600 dollars was needed.

As the men approached the stadium, unsure what the day ahead meant for them, they started noticing some signs. One read: FOR SALE---KIDNEYS OF SOCCER PLAYERS, CHEAP! Others read: CRAWFISH BIKINI CARWASH: $5 TO GET YOUR CAR WASHED BY YOUR FAVORITE CRAWFISH IN A BIKINI! Needless to say, they were scared.

The Afoci and Number Two walked out of the secret hide out wearing pink bikinis and purple bandanas.

"Now" said The Afoci "What happened was a disgrace to Crawfish and was a major setback in Project Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws, but as my dad always said 'Never fight a donkey, Jackass'" The team looks at each other all confused. "Now I thought of numerous ways we could save money to recoup the lost income from the next Cup game you dinks so gracefully fucked up, but the sperm banks said that they won't accept us anymore, because of problems with the quality of the goods. Panhandling is rough now, because people have caught on that we only use it for booze. So we are down to selling your unessential organs such as kidneys, livers, hearts, lungs and portions your intestines. That and bikini car washes. Many of your are asking yourselves, what about being eaten by angry, and I mean angry Crawfish? Or maybe, what about being shot by early version of Laser Blasters? Frankly, we don't have the money to waste you bastards like that. I will save that for the league games. Now get to work!!!!"

The squad got in their bikinis and started washing cars, but one thing rang in their heads, "Don't fight a donkey, Jackass!" more to come later...

[NevStar]

No!!! Please don't make us see "You better guard your daughters or else they will be" Les "their" Cherry"s" in a bikini! The horror!

[Marmel]

Nice bandana, loser.

[leverb66]

Is that purple bandana also camo?

[The Afoci]

Originally posted by leverb66
Is that purple bandana also camo?

Yep, the maber borrowed it to me.

[The Afoci]

A Carwash and 1 less Kidney!

As the soap slide down the body of "You better guard your daughter or they will be" Les "their" Cherry"s", dance music poured out of Lars-Olof "Chris Gaines" Uddstad boom box. After getting his car washed, the man needed to get his interior cleaned after puking. Apparently the open sores on "You better guard your daughter or they will be" Les "their" Cherry"s" legs were less than desirable. After 6 hours of carwashing, and only one customer, they had a grand total of 5 dollars.

"Thats it" screams The Afoci "I didn't want to have to do this, but you slack ass can't do anything right and it is hurting Project Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws. Get me Daniel Mughal."

The guards grab him and bring him to the feet of The Afoci.

"You have been blessed" started The Afoci "with the honor of being the worst player on the field for the last 2 games you played. It is because you are overweight. I can fix that. Get me the Crawfish."

He is brought one shine Crawfish with sharpened claws and an angry and I mean angry look on its little Crawfish face.

"I was able to make about $9700 well making you a better player" said The Afoci "Your kidney was sold to a man making a special chili and he lacked the kidney beans. No longer will he. Which one do you want to lose?"

The question was a horrible one thought Daniel Mughal, but at least it wasn't choosing which nut to lose.

"What, you would prefer to lose a nut?" said The Afoci.

Daniel Mughal then realised he was thinking out loud..."Umm, I guess the left one, Sir!"

The Afoci then flips Daniel Mughal over onto his stomach and lifts his shirt and starts letting the Crawfish go to work. Within a bloody and I mean bloody one minute, the kidney is out. To clean it out they poured some alcohol on it, but after noticing it was everclear, The Afoci had to be restrained from drinking the fine liquid from the hole in his back. He holds the kidney above his head and turns and walks away with it.

The club doctors do what they can to comfort Daniel Mughal's pain, but song and dance just didn't seem to cheer him up. He had the kidney his whole life, and now it is gone. They tried telling him he could get another one, but it wouldn't be the same.

The money raised now meant that by the end of the week, the budget would only be -$469,000. With a home game and the scouts searching the youth squad for a keeper, maybe, just maybe the Crawfish can avoid bankruptcy and Project Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws will come to be!!!

[The Afoci]

The Afoci remained secuded in his secret hide out for a few days. Daniel "I have one Kidney" Mughal has recovered and is expected to play in this Sundays game against Rasta Mon. They are a division IV drop out and really suck bad. The Crawfish will Play it Cool. Even "You better guard your daughter or they will be" Les "their" Cherry"s" was allowed to travel with the team because Rasta Mon has no one worth his services.

Rumors are swirling about the teams finances. The Afoci and Number Two are expected to come out monday, and tell the team what has been decided. Many fear that a dismantling of the team may have to come soon. One sick bastard even thought that The Afoci would charge 10 dollars and ass whoopin and they could beat their favorite Crawfish. Not a bad idea, not bad at all...

So what will happen to the Crawfish? What will The Afoci decide to do? And the bigger question, Who will get a Crawfish stuck to their sack during this sundays game? Laughter is heard from the secret hide out and everyone knows what it means. The Afoci has a plan, and that makes everyone very, very scared...

[The Afoci]

Rasta Mon...

First off, the crowd was very disappointing, we had 637 supporters that were in decent spirit. Now we have 651 that are high off life...yeah keep telling them it is life...

Fairly good weather for football had drawn a crowd of 6963 to Fighting Crawfish Arena. Fighting started off with a 3-5-2 lineup. The following players had been chosen: Bossio - Gorostarzu, de Oliveira, Simic - Rossi, Danielsson, Kline, Woodson, Mughal - Rannem , Darden.

Rasta had chosen a strategic 4-4-2 formation. The following players had been chosen: Womack - Mcleod, Penn, Montalvo, Law - Thomas, Jolly, Wang, Masters - Sheng-Han, Beasley.

Fighting made a bid to take the lead as a ball coming in from the right hand side left Dan Woodson completely alone with keeper Mark Womack, who made a spectacular block. Fightings Mikey Kline got himself booked after a foul. Due to a severely attached Crawfish to his sack, Jarrod Penn spent some on the grass writhing in agony before he could get up and continue the game. Many thought Norbert Darden ought to have been awarded a penalty shot in the 28:th minute, as he went down trying to circle the visitors keeper Mark Womack. Many thought João Fernando de Oliveira ought to have been awarded a penalty shot in the 38:th minute, as he went down trying to circle the visitors keeper Mark Womack. The ref was then encourage to make a call by placing a Crawfish on his sack! One of many good passes from Daniel "I only have one kidney" Mughal at the wing was recieved and skillfully taken care of by Christian Rossi, scoring for Fighting to 1 - 0. Fighting made a substitution in the 43rd minute. José Javier Gorostarzu limped off the field and was replaced by "You better guard your daughters or they will be" Les "their" Cherry"s". The teams went for a half-time break at 1 - 0. Fighting held the ball, with a clear 75 percent possession rate.

A speedy charge from the left side of the field put Fighting lead up with 2 - 0. Ivar "Why can't my name be Ivan" Rannem finished that one off competently, firing from an acute angle. By now Fighting were drawing the troops back in order to defend their lead. Ivar "Why can't my name be Ivan" Rannem almost managed to score another goal for Fighting, but his header was tipped to a corner by the visitors goalie. The referee showed Rastas Wade Masters the yellow card after a particularly nasty challenge. Christian Rossi of Fighting received a yellow card in the 60:th minute for unsportsmanlike behaviour for tempting a dog with peanut butter. In the game's 73rd minute Fighting´s Daniel "I only have one kidney" Mughal limped slightly after a late challenge, but he was able to continue after seeing a manager give him the slit the throat motion when he started walking towards the sidelines. Seemingly due to a Crawfish attached to his sack, Jarrod Penn needlessly tripped an opponent just outside the penalty area, but the free kick that followed didn't succeed. Rastas Rex Thomas got himself booked after a foul. The player down was Daniel "I only have one kidney" Mughal. The Fighting bench looked worried a while but in the end he managed to get up. The fortyfive minutes were dominated by Fighting, with an impressive 81 percent possession of the ball.

The most dominating Fighting player was without a doubt Manuel "the" Bossio. Daniel "I only have one kidney" Mughal on the other hand, had a terrible day, only to be expected with one kidney. Most important Rasta player was Wade Masters. Ben Jolly was a disappointment, however. The match ends 2 - 0.


Not bad considering we PIC. The income was 37k and that will not be nearly enough to cover the debt. The team loaded the bus and begun the long journey back to Fargo, ND they all wondered what the plan was The Afoci had thought up to save the Fighting Crawfish and to save his dream, his goal of Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws!

[Qwikshot]

I had to go up against a team with a guy named Hung Jackson...perhaps I should have had a crawfish to attach to his sack...

[The Afoci]

Let the Purge Begin!

After attempts to reduce debt through organ sales, carwashes and pleas to the GMs, the Fighting Crawfish are no better off then the were last week. In fact, it is worse, much worse. The budget is expected to go below 500k by next week and in fact is set at 531k in the red. Many of the staff have been fed to the Crawfish already, including 1 goaltending coach, 4 assistant coaches, 1 sports psychologists, 4 physiotherapists and 1 doctor. That cuts in half the staff and should help in staff wages in the coming weeks.

As the bus pulls up to the stadium, The Afoci meets them. He introduces the news member of the team, a youth pull goalie named Albert Lopez, 18.

As the squad walks towards him, The Afoci says "This is the man who saved the Crawfish. With his skills he will fetch us well over 300k and hopefully more."

Confused, Albert Lopez looks to him and says "This is soccer, right?"

"Yeah?" says The Afoci.

"Damn" says Albert Lopez "I don't know how to play that..."

The music starts playing and he is taken away by guards. The screams were heard moments later as he was fed into the paper shredder that was being used to destroy documents that the IRS wanted. Tough to read them with human remains on them. The Afoci laughs as he screams.

"Manuel "The" Bossio, Ellis Malcom "in the middle", and Matt Scroggins" says The Afoci "I hate to inform you, but you all have been placed on the transfer list. Many more will come after the friendly game. It has been nice to see you all underacheive and become worse than I ever imagined possible. May you all suffer horrible, horrible deaths that are painful and sexually related."

Narrator

The plan is to drop the roster to around 14 or 15 players, drop staff to nearly nothing and hold out for a youth pull. The next two league games should be easy victories if we can keep most of the starters together, but the 3rd is against the leagues top squad. Daniel "I have one kidney" Mughal and José Javier Gorostarzu will be sold after they recover from injury. Hopefully the training update will supply The Crawfish with at least one if not two solid playmakers.

Manuel "The" Bossio was listed at 150k and is severly overpriced, but I am hoping a noob will take a chance on a 19 year old passable like I did when I was younger. The others are each at 1k. Bid early and often and save The Crawfish!

The story continues tomorrow...

[The Afoci]

All is quiet at the secret hide out. Laughter can be heard every so often from it. Screaming can be heard every so often from it. A friendly game tonight is expected to be the first time anyone besides Number Two has seen The Afoci since Monday.

One lone man approached the secret hide out and dropped off what appeared to be a pizza, porn mags, peanut butter, a blow up doll of a midget, and a box that said Top Secret: Laser Blasters fitted for your average Crawfish. Who knows what the future will bring. Will the Crawfish go under? Will they be able to overcome huge debt? Does Chavez "the dope finding" Dog still like peanut butter? Who is the blow up doll of a midget for? But most importantly, what was in the box with Top Secret: Laser Blasters fitted for your average Crawfish?

[The Afoci]

This use to be my playground...

As Lars-Olof "Chris Gaines" Uddstad tearfully held his boom box above his head, Manuel "the" Bossio and Ellis Malcolm "in the middle" walked towards the bus that would take them to their new teams.

"This use to be my playground" sang Ellis Malcom "in the middle" "This use to be my childhood dream...."

The team embraced the 2 men that have left so far and prepared for more bad news as 4 new players were added to the list. Rafael Maria Meldi, Daniel "I only have one kidney" Mughal, Alastair MacFeat, and Jonas Westerhall are all now listed and are being sold as is. The Fighting Crawfish refuse to promise that the player will have skills, a positive attitude or all their internal organs. Bid at your own risk.

The Afoci and Number Two emerge from the secret hide out and approach the two. The Afoci pats Manuel "the" Bossio on the back and wishes him luck with his new squad. As Manuel "the" Bossio turns and walks away, a sign reading "Kick me in the sack, I love it!" is clearly visible. A perfect way to leave the team. As the bus pulls away a scream can be heard for Manuel "the" Bossio "AAAHHHH, why and the hell would you kick me in the sack you sick bastard...AAHHH...I think your shoe tore my sack open, yep The Little Bossio is bleeding..."

The Afoci sighs and returns to his secret hide out. Number Two stays with the team for the practice as he is now the starting goalie. The squad is working on playmaking today and practice should be interesting to say the least...

[The Afoci]

Hey baby, whatcha doing...

After the 2-1 victory in the friendly, 14 more people joined the Crawfish Crazies to bring the church up to a massive 665 members who are now high on X...I mean life, the X would have nothing to do with them expanding due to breeding more than rabbits. The investigation said everything was normal so drop it already....

The men were on the field warming up when a bus pulled up to the field. It had the Texas Longhorns symbol up and down the sides of the bus. Coach addresses the team.

"Boys" he starts "We need to work on our playmaking and we have a special guest speaker today. He is known worldwide for being one of the best at playmaking. He is the man known for being just enough cocky and just enough funny to be the total package." The men start to squirm in anticipation. "May I welcome, the one, the only, Hornsmaniac_2(name was changed as not to offend the real person the character is based after). Cheers fill the practice field as the door to the bus opens. Lars-Olof "Chris Gaines" Uddstad holds the boom box above his head and hits play...

"She's my Cherry Pie, cool drink of water, such a sweet suprise, tastes so good, bring a tear to your eye, sweet cherry pie, oh yeah..."

As he walks off the bus, playing air guitar, his mullet blows in the wind. His zubaz were the finest mix of hot pink and purple. His eyes covered in the coolest aviator sunglasses ever made. He struts out in front of the team and points to Lars-Olof "Chris Gaines" Uddstad . He hits stop and sets the boom box down.

"Alright boys" says Hornsmaniac_2 "I have been brought here to teach you guys how to become better playmakers. Now it is very important that you all are the perfect mix of cool and cocky. Now this isn't easy, too much cocky or too much cool and everything goes horribly wrong..."

After an hour long speech...

"And now" he continues "Give it a try boys!" And with that, off the bus comes the Texas Longhorn cheerleaders!

"How you doing, baby" starts Gustav Danielsson "I play soccer for a living, but I am more interested in how you play with balls then how I do!"

"Oh, Gustav Danielsson" says HerRealName_2 "You are so cocky, yet so cool. Take me you stud muffin!"

A teary Hornsmaniac_2 has realized that Gustav Danielsson is now a solid playmaker. He also sees that José Javier Gorostarzu is now only inadequate.

As Hornsmaniac_2 boards the "Bus of Love" as he calls it, the team gives him a standing ovation. He then rips of one of his gold chains that say "Horns_2", which is visible as his shirt is only buttoned half way up, revealing his hairy, manly chest, and throws it to Gustav Danielsson. He puts it around his neck and instantly feels the power of coolness and cockiness that is Hornsmaniac_2....

[Qwikshot]

This has become a classic.

[Mountain]

That is hysterical

[FrogMan]

I agree guys, and you know what? With the sale of "The" Bossio, the Crawfish looks to be in a better financial shape. They might survive after all... LONG LIVE THE CRAWFISH!!!

FrogMan
PS: I just can't get enough of those Warrant song lyrics :D

[moriarty]

Hornsmaniac_2(name was changed as not to offend the real person the character is based after).

Now who could this guy be possibly based on? :D

Wish you all could have seen the visual image I created while reading this. Classic stuff (and thank god, no mention of peanut butter or other salty items).

[Marmel]

Best post ever on the FOFC board. I still cannot stop laughing.

:D:D:D:D:D

[daedalus]

Heh. :)

Writing much good. Scary at time. But much good.

[The Afoci]

Originally posted by Marmel
Best post ever on the FOFC board. I still cannot stop laughing.

:D:D:D:D:D

Wow, that is quite an honor. Really, all the credit goes out to one guy. He is the true inspiration of the post. Without him, this post wouldn't have been possible. [breaks down into tears]...Without him...I wouldn't be the cocky cool guy I am... Thank you Jesus!

[The Afoci]

Sorry I haven't been able to update this in a few days, my work schedule has gotten crazy and my bosses decide that me spending most of my time on the internet wasn't benificial to my work day.... the things managers will come up with ;)

[Nyarlahotep]

What the fu*k is a work schedule?

[The Afoci]

We don’t have no AC anymore…

At Fighting Crawfish Arena, 10795 punters turned up, and despite threatening clouds at the horizon, no rain came. Fighting started off with a 3-5-2 lineup. The following players had been chosen: Justice - Gorostarzu, de Oliveira, Simic - Rossi, Danielsson, Kline, Woodson, Uddstad - Rannem , Darden.

Coyotes had chosen a strategic 4-4-2 formation. The following players had been chosen: Rodsten - Bagwell, Madden, Säflius, Collins - Nilsson, Castaneda, Davis, Bech Jensen - Tait, Wilburn.

Zane Castaneda still has a lot to learn. Like for instance not to make half-hearted passes in front of Gustav Danielsson who now could score for Fighting. to 1-0. Gustav Danielsson celebrated by being both the perfect amount of cocky and funny all in one. Hornsmaniac_2 would be proud! Mikey Kline of Fighting received a yellow card in the 2nd minute for attaching a Crawfish to the coach of Vienna AC sack! A classic move! A great save by goaltender Mattias Rodsten in the 8:th minute kept the visitors in the game as Ivar “Why can’t my name be Ivan” Rannem struck from the left with a real cannonball. With 25 minutes played ”I am a big mean fire breating” Dragan Simic could have brought this one home for Fighting, had his hooked ball gone in, but he was just too high. Coyotes got a chance to level the score as Dean Wilburn suddenly found himself free with the goaltender but the finishing shot hit the bar. In the 27:th minute Coyotess Ronnie Bech Jensen received a yellow card for going into a challenge studs first. 1 - 0 was the half-time score. Fighting held the ball, with a clear 61 percent possession rate.

Man, what a shot by José Javier Gorostarzu! Firing from 35 yards he didn't give the enemy goalie a chance and it was 2 - 0. In the 73rd minute of the match the visitors central line of defence had to look on as Gustav Danielsson dashed through, knocking home 3 - 0 for Fighting. A speedy charge from the left side of the field put Fighting lead up with 4 - 0. Norbert Darden finished that one off competently, firing from an acute angle. The structure of the game started to change as Fighting decided to pull back and meet their opponents in the defensive zone. Fighting made a substitution in the 79:th minute. Dan Woodson limped off the field and was replaced by Enrico Jimeno. A misplaced Crawfish may be the reason for the injury. The home side´s Enrico Jimeno came close to extending the lead in the 79:th minute. His shot came in off the right hand side but Mattias Rodsten managed saving with a fingernail. It was the only thing he did right all day. Fighting held the ball, with a clear 69 percent possession rate.

Most important Fighting player was Gustav Danielsson. Enrico Jimeno on the other hand, had a terrible day. The most dominating Coyotes player was without a doubt Bennie Madden. Anders 'Kope' Nilsson on the other hand, had a terrible day. The match ends 4 - 0.

We’re into money!

Well not quite, but the Fighting Crawfish are doing much better now. After this game the squad is only $350k in the whole. Plus the newest Youth Pull, Doug Justice is a very high inadequate keeper. He will be trained one week and sold.

The Post Game Press Conference

“This was a great victory for the boys today” said Coach “With the sale of a lot of players, the boys were worried that the team may start sucking Crawfish Balls. Now I would like to introduce the, hippest, freshest, dopest, and studliest Crawfish of the game, Gustav Danielsson.”

Lars-Olof “Chris Gaines” Uddstad grabs his boom box, hits play and lifts it above his head.

“Lets talk about sex baby, Lets talk about you and me…”

Gustav Danielsson walks to the stage and points to Lars-Olof “Chris Gaines” Uddstad and the music goes off. “Gustav would like you all to thank Gustav for the chance to watch Gustav play this game you call soccer. Gustav would like to thank Hornsmaniac_2 for showing me the ways of playmaking and making me more cocky and more funny than Gustav could have other dreamed of. Gustav would like to thank God for making everyone else so bad so that Gustav doesn’t have to try so hard and mess up Gustav’s hair. Gustav would like the ladies to meet him for some fun playing with my balls and I am not talking the soccer ones. Gustav would also like to ask ”You better guard your daughters or else they will be" Les "their" Cherry"s" to inspect this small rash on my leg…”

The conference ended and everyone left. The Afoci called Number Two over to him. “Number Two, tonight’s ‘friendly’ will be against The West Fargo Stangs won’t be so ‘friendly’. I want you to take them out. Blever_66 is the manager at my day job. Take out the squad!”

Tonight’s grudge match against The Stangs will be for bragging rights around the office. Many Crawfish have been stuck in his desk and "You better guard your daughters or else they will be" Les "their" Cherry"s" has been dispatched. We are not to worried about The Stangs as it is suspected that their owner is also the owner of a local gay club, and as he says, I am not only the owner, but a butt muncher. Kind of a weird statement, but he says it all the time…

[leverb66]

We could lose the internet altogether!

[The Afoci]

Originally posted by leverb66
We could lose the internet altogether!

Dear god, NO!!!!!! We only tied, imagine what he would have done if I won't have told the guys to go easy on him....

[The Afoci]

The Facility the Crawfish were trained and altered. Altered into Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws, or as recent attempts had proven, small piles of Crawfish goo once they shot the lasers.

“Number Two” said The Afoci “We have finally completed the first phase of Operation Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws, we have a successful test model. This is a day I have dreamt of all my life. I remember when I was only thirteen years old….”



Hanging Tough, OH OH OH OH uh OH uh OH, Hanging Tough was blaring from the small boom box as The Afoci stood dancing side to side practicing for the upcoming school program. It was to be his big break. His singing career would be launched and The Afoci and The Mighty, Mighty Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws Band would be the next biggest thing since the New Kids on the Block.

By this point of his life, The Afoci was a social outcast, his wardrobe consisted of the finest musical T-shirts of the time. With such innovated artists such as, Vanilla Ice, MC Hammer, Young MC, New Kids on the Block, and Alvin and the Chipmunks sing Christmas Carols. He also the finest Velcro shows that said Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles on the straps. He lost the ability to tie his shoes when he decide to become like the Crawfish and attached claws to his wrist with duct tape. He was hoping for the nickname Snappy, but people called him, dumb ass and beat him up. The Claws did little in the form of self defense, mainly because they made of cardboard. That also affected the sharpness of them.

The time of the program was upon Young The Afoci and he was very nervous. He gave one last look to the lucky Crawfish he put in his pocket. His goal was simple. Wait for the New Kids on the Block medley to start and he would rush the microphone, grab it and burst into his solo, followed by some mad freestyle rhymes about life in the hood of Hawley MN. He hoped many of his peeps would “feel” him. If only it were his peeps that did…

Out on stage, wearing Zubaz eerily similar to those of Hornsmaniac_2, a New Kids on the Block T-shirt and his Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Velcro shoes, he charged the microphone at just the right time and burst into song. His tune carried through the gymnasium beautifully for about 10 seconds until a horrible, horrible accident occurred.

Apparently the movement must have scared the little lucky Crawfish in his pocket. That little Crawfish was able to chew a hole in the pocket, and begun to crawl around in his pants. A terrible shriek was released from The Afoci as the Crawfish latched on to his sack. Struggling with the beast in his pants, he ran around the stage eventually removing his pants and revealing Little The Afoci and the Crawfish attached to his sack. A horrible gasp came from the crowd.

Stunned, The Afoci left the stage embarrassed and humiliated. But he learned something, something that would be very important fact for the future. He knew the pain of the horrible torture that would be known as Crawfish to the sack….But in a weird way, The Afoci knew he liked it. Don’t tell me you have never had the urge to have a Crawfish with is claws clamped down on your sack and his little legs rubbing all over your sack and hard….um nevermind…

[Marmel]

TMI stands for Too Much Information.

[The Afoci]

As a minor update here, Doug Justice upgraded to passable @ keeper and will be put on the market on monday...


Look for a huge announcement concerning the Crawfish within 3 days...

[The Afoci]

Yet another victory...

The crowd of 3441 turning up at FC Syndicate Arena today were greeted by some nasty showers of rain. Syndicate tactics involved an interesting 5-3-2 combination. The following players had been chosen: Vance - Wyman, Ohara, Pereira Barbosa, Ericsson, Gripenstad - Moeller, Harry, Cason - Diamanti, Jackson.

Fighting had chosen a strategic 3-5-2 formation. The following players had been chosen: Justice - Gorostarzu, de Oliveira, Simic - Rossi, Danielsson, Kline, Jimeno, Uddstad - Rannem , Darden.

Fighting took the lead in the games 17:th minute with 0 - 1 after some elegant plays down the middle. Norbert Darden was the scorer. Fighting´s Ivar "Why can't my name be Ivan" Rannem received a play slashing through the home side´s defense in the 33rd minute, chipping it past the keeper scoring 0 - 2. The home crowd was not pleased with that one or the fact that someone placed Crawfish under every seat. Many became attached to the sacks of the fans. In the games 41st minute Fighting´s Ivar "Why can't my name be Ivan" Rannem somehow missed a penalty, the keeper accidently prematurely ejaculated in the right direction with such a force, it tipped the ball out of the way. What a great save! Halftime score was 0 - 2. The fortyfive minutes were dominated by Fighting, with an impressive 72 percent possession of the ball.

The referee showed Fightings Lars-Olof "Chris Gaines" Uddstad the yellow card after a particularly nasty challenge about who was the greatest hair band of the eighties. Apparantly the ref was not a fan of Warrant. He contends that it is clearly Poison and that any further discussion would lead to a yellow card. Apparently a Crawfish being attached to your sack is considered similiar to discussion. Norbert Darden came close to extending the visitors lead as he, completely unmarked in front of the goal, lifted a ball over Joey "Laurence" Vance, hitting the bar. He then said "Wooaahh". The crowd went crazy. Fightings Gustav Danielsson got himself booked after making a play on the cheerleaders. One happened to be underage, but he swears she showed him some ID. Syndicate were forced to a substitution as Perry "I have a" Harry "no need to put anything after the whole Perry "I am a" Harry thing because it is funny enough with out anything else couldn´t continue playing due to the rough treatment during a S & M conference prior to the game. Ivar "Why can't my name be Ivan" Rannem could have added one to the visitors lead if his free kick had gone just a little lower. After 78 minutes a combination in the middle resulted in a through ball for Norbert Darden who increased Fighting´s lead to 0 - 3. Fighting held the ball, with a clear 71 percent possession rate.

Syndicate´s best player was Clinton Moeller. Leon Jackson on the other hand, had a terrible day. Most important Fighting player was Doug Justice. Enrico Jimeno on the other hand, had a terrible day and was forced to listen to the self help tape made by Hornsmaniac_2 involving how to be a man, picking up some side action from shemales on the net! Volume 7, we get to be the boy this time. The match ends 0 - 3.


Overall a good victory. We have decided to keep Doug Justice one more week as we have the best team in our division next week. The Cheesecake are putting up inad midfields now and have not given up a goal yet. We need all the help we can get next week.

The team bus is en route to Fargo ND as you read this and a huge announcement is scheduled upon their return. It will either be later today or tomorrow depending on the number of strip clubs along the way.

[Mountain]

How do you know their keeper prematurely ejacualted? It sounds to me like he was just stroking it and timed it perfectly.

[The Afoci]

The Bus Pulls into Fargo ND...

Everyone files off the bus and walks to the center of the field. The squad notices that there are more people than the usual security and staff. Members of the media are there and also some FOFCers. The Afoci addresses the squad and assorted members of the media and FOFC.

"Friends, Family, FOFCers and rotten piles of media poo" starts The Afoci "I thank you for showing up today for this huge announcement. Now we are 4-0 on the new season, we have reduced our debt, we must do this. It is what we will be calling The Fighting Crawfish beating the Cheesecake Pre-Game Victory Party. Now a pre-game victory party of this sort will be huge. You are all welcome to send up to 2 players to participate in the festivities. The schedule will be as following.

Tuesday-Kegs show up. Drinking begins.

Wednesday-Friendly Game The Afoci gives speech and strippers show up.

Thursday-A day in the life of Crawfish star “You better guard your daughters or else they will be” Les “their” Cherry”s”.

Friday-Special Guest Speaker Hornsmaniac_2 will be making his comeback appearance with a speech and he will be giving lessons. This will be his first stop on his new book tour for, How to be a man, picking up some side action from shemales on the net! Volume 7, we get to be the boy this time. Also includes answers submitted by readers of Volume 6, how to deal with the horrible, horrible ass pain associated with being the girl in a man/shemale relationship. He will answer questions too!

Saturday-Drinking

Sunday-Drinking/Game with the Cheesecake

Anyone interested in sending any players to the party, just post here the players name and which events you want them to attend. All events have a open bar, herb, strippers and all the peanut butter you can handle.

[Marmel]

I would love to join the festivities, but let it be known I will be wearing a crawfish safe jock strap. No crawfish will be attaching themselves to this sack!

[Coffee Warlord]

Let it be known that Galesburg will be sending two representatives to Fargo.

First, 20 year old Ken Shaffer. He's underage, he's insane, and he's jealous of Wiley Otero because he's a far better Winger. But Wiley isn't insane, despite his name. Ken has 4 yellow cards already, so be careful, he might flip out some more and start eating live crawfish.

Next, 27 year old Kenneth Loven. He's also insane, and he just got off the plane from Sweden. He doesn't speak English, and since he is Scandanavian, he may go Viking, flip out, and start raping and pillaging.

Both players plan on arriving drunk, and will be attending all events, assuming they don't flip out.

[sterlingice]

While many Hippos want to attend, the two player limit means that those slots will go to our best players.

Goalie Tim Kimber, who is the mild mannered sort and a bit of a wallflower, would like to sign up for Hornsmaniac_2's book signing: he would like to learn the art of being cocky and funny. But, being the boy scout straight-arrow type, was overheard to have said that he doesn't quite understand what a "she-male" is and it sounds like something he really doesn't want to find out about.

Team captain and all around badass Mick Starks is catching the red-eye after the cup game Wednesday since no party that ends at midnight is a party. He is on record as saying that he does not trust Les alone with the strippers. Nor does he want to see them *after* Les has, um... been with them. Mick plans on staying the rest of the week until our fixture on Sunday.

SI

[NevStar]

To the delight of many, Morrisvillians starting wingback and blue jeans model "Crazy" Earl Freedom will be attending.

In addition, one of our newer members and Earl's protege, "Not Quite As Crazy" Bogdan Kozuchowski will also be attending.

However, they will not be able to attend until early Thursday, as we have instituted a strict curfew until our Cup game against Slashers. Keep in mind, they'll probably be quite surly following the outcome of that game.

[Nyarlahotep]

The Avengers will be sending Csanád Szabó and Fernando Velazquez as our representatives. They will be attending all functions.

[mckerney]

A few Square Peg players will be making the short trip from St. Paul to Fargo to attend. Former Crawfish Abel Barretto will be allowed to attend. Only 18, but we don't know what the hell he does on this team anyway so we don't really give a damn. Being Art Frazier has score all are goals in series games this year, he can do whatever the hell he wants so he is planning on attending. Kalle "Waste of $15000 even though he's valued more than six times that" Trandahl will be forced to compete in all drinking games in hope that he'll die of alcohol posioning and we can collect on the issurance policy we have on him.

[Aesyrqwe]

White Sox Pride will be sending 2 of their finest: David Dewitt and Jerald Obrien.

Dewitt is a solid scorer on the field, and I was hoping to see how well he does scoring off of the field.

Obrien is just one crazy mofo. After being brought up from the youth squad hes already started 3 bar fights being drunk off his ass. He will be the guy with a tube and funnel waiting for someone to pour the beer so he can start chuggin'...

Have fun with these 2...

-Aes-

[leverb66]

The West Fargo Stangs will send their top two players Allen Parker, and Martin Elstad. They will be particpating in all of the festivities and plan to get drunk out of their minds. Being in V.216 allows them to play at all states of drunkeness and post-drinking, and they can walk home.

[robbgmaier]

the goldurnears are proud to send Oriol "double stuff" Villaver and Elijah "the prophet" Dupree to these fine festivities. We can also send some whores as well, if you don't mind if their wives attend. Oriol wants to make sure every one understands that his nickname "double stuff" does not imply anything about shemales or having crawfish rammed up his ass.

[Qwikshot]

The Ultra Nox will send Eli Svarva "Beans" over to represent.

[FrogMan]

The Pittbulls will be sending their ace defender, 33 year old Jerome "give me the damn" Ball and their star forward, Panos "Greek God" Kolokotronis. They will also be coming with a truck full of Canadian beer, and we're talking some real 9% alcohol beer here :D

FM

[FrogMan]

dola to add that the last post just brought me to division I :)

FM

[DataKing]

The Screamin' Seamen will only be able to send one representative to the festivities, none other than Ben McMahon. We understand that Ben has already formed quite a bond with the Crawfish, and I am sure that he is looking forward to the opportunity to see all his old friends again.

Now if I could just get him to stop weeping and clutching my leg...

:D

[Coffee Warlord]

...I didn't know you had my accountant on your team, DK.

(Yep, that's the exact name of the guy who does my taxes.)

[The Afoci]

Lets start the pre-victory party now, baby

With the first ever sale of a youth player, The Fighting Crawfish earn approximately $18,000. I feel it is a little low for a 17 y/o inadequate keeper, but $18k is good enough for one hell of a pre-victory party. And with that, let Late Tuesday/Early Wednesdays festivities begin…

As Lars-Olof "Chris Gaines" Uddstad band, Altered, was just finishing setting up one of the sides stages of the festival, FrogMan’s Semi pulls up stocked full of Canadian beer. Jerome "give me the damn" Ball and Panos "Greek God" Kolokotronis step out of the semi and walk to the back and open it up.

Panos “Greek God” Kolokotronis looks around…”Where is Hornsmaniac_2?”

Some of the security fill him in that he won’t be in until Friday, although that may not be true considering this is the only party he will be allowed to attend on this board…

Lars-Olaf “Chris Gaines” Uddstad then sets down his bottle of Everclear(a true North Dakota drink and picks up his guitar. His long hair is tied back in a bandana and his jeans look like they have gone through a paper shredder. He hits the first chord of the first song and the crowd goes wild. “Unskinny bop, blows me away, yeah, unskinny bop….”

Meanwhile in a secret hide out not so far from the pre-victory party…

“Come on, just take it off” starts The Afoci “You can trust me, it is good. You are in the secret hide out, there is nothing to be scared of. Perhaps this will help you decide…” He then hands Marmel a mix of Everclear and cheap strawberry pop.

“What is it?” asks Marmel

“Trust me, you will like it” says The Afoci

With that Marmel tips back the glass and drinks the entire contents of the 44 oz big glup kamikaze of Everclear and cheap strawberry pop. Within minutes, the crawfish safe jock strap is off and both of them are sitting bottomless drunk off there asses.

“Here Chavez “the dope finding” Dog” says The Afoci “Here boy…”

Chavez “the dope finding” Dog comes running to them and gives them a weird look. After both Marmel and The Afoci do there best to fight of glaucoma, Chavez speaks. “It better be Jif, because choosy dogs choose Jif”…

Back at the entrance to the party

Two men stumble to the gate and demand in. After further inspection it appears to be two of the West Fargo Stangs. The horrible soccer squad from the West Side of town decided to stop by. Allen Parker, and Martin Elstad play in perhaps the easiest soccer division in all of Hattrick and are masters of the pre-victory parties. Owner of the squad and former Fighting Crawfish Mascot BoB stumbles in drunk behind them. He has no invitation, but who would turn down a 6’6” beast from the east who also happens to be your manager?

“I hate that song!” screams BoB at the stage as Lars-Olof “Chris Gaines” Uddstad begins playing “Picture” by Kid Rock and Sheryl Crow. (Sadly Allen Parker looks and sound very similar to a she-male version of Crow). “Play some Dave!!!” screams BoB in reference to the Dave Mathews Band. He then begins to dance.

Approaching the gate now is none other than the representatives of the Galesburg Avengers. Ken Shaffer is first to arrive and jumps into the back of the semi full of Canadian Beer. He returns a few minutes later butt ass naked and begins running through the crowd. Coffee Warlord would be proud. Within minutes he is found passed out with 18 Crawfish attached to his sack. Apparently he thought by diving into the Crawfish pool out back he could sneak attack them and get a great head start on eating all of them…he was wrong. May his sack be in your prayers. God bless.

Anyway, lets hope that there other guys does better. Kenneth “I need some American” Loven comes in, stops and scans the crowd. He is obviously drunk and feels out of place. But who wouldn’t if you came in wearing only a wife beater, some a pair of very short shorts and a huge gold chain that read “Playerz”. He walks to one of the first women he sees and in some very broken English he speaks…

“I have Funny Cock” starts Kenneth “I need some American” Loven “Me want to have intercourse with an American lady. You have large woman melons that I want to…um…um…what is the word…um…oh fuck it wetyt wiqeytpywuqe f pywt ysdfywt sad wtphyasdfhgqyrweptyasdfhi ytsadhwqiuytg awytysfpg.” After what appeared some sort of war call, he buried his head in her chest and passed out some few minutes later due to lack of oxygen. They needed the Jaws of Life to retrieve him from the breasts of the stripper.

After hearing some Spanish music followed by “Olla!” or what ever the bull fighters say, the attention of the crowd turned to Csanád Szabó and Fernando Velazquez of Nyarlahotep squad. Csanád Szabó was playing an acoustic guitar as Fernando Velazquez was wearing a cape and had was running back and forth screaming “Olla!” Upon further inspection, it appears that he is up against Tom[b]. While [b]Tom may not seem scary, Tom is only the scariest Crawfish the Fighting Crawfish have. So instead of a bull, Fernando Velazquez is fighting a Crawfish. After many passes, Tom eventually latches on to his sack. Fernando Velazquez immediately hits the ground in agony and Csanád Szabó rushes to him. He is able to wrestle Tom off Fernando Velazquez sack and immediately puts his mouth on Fernando Velazquez’s sack and begins sucking.

“What in the hell are you doing?” asks Fernando Velazquez

“I am saving your life” says Csanád Szabó “I am sucking out the poison!”

“Alright then, but stop using your teeth” says Fernando Velazquez “…and um…maybe use your hand more.”

“Okay” says Csanád Szabó. About 3 minutes later he speaks again. “Damn, who knew that Crawfish poison was so salty???”

Lets hope alcohol was involved in this one.

That last incident caused quite a commotion and suddenly The Afoci and Marmel come running out of the secret hide out not so far away from the pre-victory party. After surveying the damage, The Afoci realizes everything is going fine and him and Marmel turn and began walking back towards the secret hide out not so far from the pre-victory party.

“You were right” says Marmel “I really do like the added texture that chunky peanut butter adds to it. And that Chavez “the dope finding” Dog, he has desire like no dog I have been with before.”

“I know what you mean, I know what you mean” says The Afoci as the walk back down the stairs to the secret hide out not so far from the pre-victory party. As they reach the bottom a bus shows up with mckerney, Aesyrqwe, robbgmaier, Qwikshot, and DataKing representatives for the party. But there are some mysterious figures in the back of the bus, could they be from your squad, or is it just Hornsmaniac_2 under a different alias trying to pick up some she-males. Find out tomorrow!

[Havok]

noooo i missed the victory party!!!!!

dammit... i miss all the good stuff :(

[The Afoci]

Just tell me who you want there. They can still come

[Marmel]

*hiccup* This is one ass-kicking party. *hiccup*

I am suddenly hungry for a peanut butter sandwich, or maybe being in a peanutbutter sandwich........whatever........give me more booze.

[Havok]

The Misfitz will be sending our underachieveing(sp?) 30 year old goalie Vlad "The Impaler" Nutiu.

[Raven Hawk]

I think that two of those mysterious forms in the back of the bus may be The Gargoyles' representatives: Lindsey Bentley a young forward who claims to be a 'Head Specialist' and Inner Midfielder Costan Cinca, who is desperately in need of the Hornsmaniac_2 lecture on how to be a playmaker.

[AKnightofNi]

You are one SICK bastard, and it pisses me off that I don't have a team so I could send a rep. Therefore, I have signed-up for a team and await confirmation- and the next pre-victory party. :)

[The Afoci]

AknightofNi, you could be like Marmel and just attend yourself.

oh yeah, about the sick bastard thing, i get that a lot...i don't know why though ;)

[AKnightofNi]

I will try to come. However, since I have no team and, therefore, no budget, I may have to come up by hitchhiking. I was wondering if you will have a "peanut butter booth" where I could possibly relive my "small-white-boy" days in prison and earn some greenbacks to get myself back to Texas? (After the long trip up, I will probably need the extra salt to replenish the system.

[FrogMan]

Originally posted by The Afoci
AknightofNi, you could be like Marmel and just attend yourself.


NO! NO! NO! AknightofNi DON'T DO THAT!!! Look what happened to Marmel's sack!!! :D

FM

[CarnDawg]

Wait a minute mckerney, how can Barretto, Frazier, and Trandahl all be at the pre-victory party when they've been in Sweeden for a friendly over the last few days?

[mckerney]

You shut the hell up you dirty son a bitch.

We don't need your shit here... :mad:

[The Afoci]

Originally posted by mckerney
You shut the hell up you dirty son a bitch.

We don't need your shit here... :mad:

That is the spirit of a drunken party goer we are looking for. Keep up the spunk kid. ;)

[mckerney]

I will keep it up. The ability of my players to be in two countries at once and to be playing and be drunk at a party while some of them are underaged cannot be questioned.

Also, if you could, attach a few crawfish to the sacks of Barretto and Trandahl while your at it. Maybe it will make them stop sucking so much.

[NevStar]

Originally posted by mckerney
I will keep it up. The ability of my players to be in two countries at once and to be playing and be drunk at a party while some of them are underaged cannot be questioned.

Also, if you could, attach a few crawfish to the sacks of Barretto and Trandahl while your at it. Maybe it will make them stop sucking so much.

Behold! The power of the 5-4-1! It's so great that its players don't even have to show up for the game!

[FrogMan]

Wanna know how bad, and I mean baaaad, the Pittbulls "B" team is? You really wanna know??

Panos "Greek God" Kolokotronis , not unlike the Square Pegs players, had to leave the party to play a friendly in Tennessee against the Bees. So he left the party, intoxicated as you wouldn't believe, jumped in a chartered jet (damn that's what that 100,000 temporary cost of a week ago was, to prebook a chartered jet!!!) and played the game.

Guess what!?! well look at the following line from the match report:

Pintendre fought on and, in the 63rd minute Panos Kolokotronis was able to reply with 2 - 1 after some excellent moves on the right side finished off by an incredibly clever chip.

Kolokotronis finished the game with 2 stars and that goal turned out to be the Pittbulls' only goal... Rumour is that during halftime he kept on drinking straight from the keg... Oh well...

FM

[The Afoci]

The Party Continues….

Rumors are swirling around the party that the Fighting Crawfish have won another friendly. Some say the score was 4-1 and some say that the squad they were facing, the Port Angeles Colossal Squids may have numerous crawfish attached to their sacks. Weird isn’t it?

Currently the party is raging on. Expect a party update either later today or early tomorrow. Currently The Afoci is making arrangements with the some important people to be able to bring youHornsmaniac_2 tomorrow.

Frogman was also kind enought to fly in another load of beer as the party-semi was nearly out...

[WSUCougar]

Originally posted by The Afoci
The Party Continues….

Rumors are swirling around the party that the Fighting Crawfish have won another friendly. Some say the score was 4-1 and some say that the squad they were facing, the Port Angeles Colossal Squids may have numerous crawfish attached to their sacks. Weird isn’t it?
Port Angeles Colossal Squid Minister of Information: "Lies! Lies! There are no mercenary, criminal Crawfish in Baghdad, and, er, I mean Port Angeles, and there are no sacks on a squid! Tentacles, yes. A beak, yes. But absolutely no sacks."

Plus they cheated. :(

[mckerney]

Originally posted by NevStar
Behold! The power of the 5-4-1! It's so great that its players don't even have to show up for the game!

Unfortionately I've had to put the 5-4-1 on delay because as it turns out you need to have good midfielders. So until I can achieve that (I think I need money first), I've been forced to run a 4-4-2 in league play. It will come back someday soon, however, and we will one day own the world...

[FrogMan]

Originally posted by mckerney
Unfortionately I've had to put the 5-4-1 on delay because as it turns out you need to have good midfielders. So until I can achieve that (I think I need money first), I've been forced to run a 4-4-2 in league play. It will come back someday soon, however, and we will one day own the world...

Youg got me confused here... How can't you achieve the same midfield with 5-4-1 that you get with 4-4-2? Either have only 4 middies (wherever you put them)...

FM
PS: not that I say 5-4-1 is good or anything, I run 4-5-1 and now trying to get some experience with 3-5-2 so I will be able to alternate the two...

[mckerney]

Midfield still sucks, though with it's easier to score when you have 2 forwards instead of 1 in that situation.

[leverb66]

What is in that Canadian Beer? Allen Parker just bumped to a solid middie, can a few more players join the party?

[mckerney]

Wait, Larry Eustachy just showed up with some of his Natty Light. Alright, everyone grab a crawfish, you all know what to do...

[The Afoci]

Originally posted by leverb66
What is in that Canadian Beer? Allen Parker just bumped to a solid middie, can a few more players join the party?

There will be revenge at todays party for this... MUHHHAAHAHHAHAHHHA

[AKnightofNi]

I finally got my team. However, they all suck so bad I was hoping you would let me send the entire bunch and maybe let them work the peanut butter stand cuz that is the only way I'll ever get anything out of them.... just a thought

[The Afoci]

First off let me say that I am dedicating this party to a guy I know who died in a crash last night. He wasn’t a close friend or anything, but he was at a lot of parties I have attended. He died in a single car roll over. So if you pray, say one for him, or as he would rather have you do, drink a beer for him, smoke some and hit on a hottie, get shot down and retire to the bathroom with Victoria Secret catalog.

Also due to time constraints, we will have to cut the Day in the life segment, but it will be back. Also I think that I may have some sort of party once a week, and will involve those on the waiting list now into the next ones and have a create a waiting list for those who wanting to come to the next ones.

Now without making anyone wait any longer, I present you the Hornsmaniac_2 book signing…

The Afoci, drunk off his ass and scratching his sack, walks up on stage. He has peanut butter residue around his mouth and a torn T-shirt. Hornsmaniac_2’s bus is clearly visible behind the stage. The tension builds as The Afoci stumbles through how Marmel “stole the love of Chavez “the dope finding” Dog by using this man’s techniques of being Cocky and Funny. It also may have had something to do with the high quality Jif…” He continues mumbling and finally passes out on stage.

"She's my Cherry Pie, cool drink of water, such a sweet suprise, tastes so good, bring a tear to your eye, sweet cherry pie, oh yeah..."

Hornsmaniac_2 walks out and up to the microphone of a cheering crowd. He starts with his famous line from his new book, b]How to be a man, picking up some side action from shemales on the net! Volume 7, we get to be the boy this time[/b], “If it stink, pretend it’s the pink!” The crowd cheers wildly and Hornsmaniac_2 begins strutting back and forth across the stage.

“Now many of you know” starts Hornsmaniac_2 “I have the secrets, the keys, the tools you need to pick up more, and more importantly, better quality shemales on the net. You can’t be just cocky, because your shemales all got cock. You must be funny with the cocky. Now, in my new book, Volume 7 of what some people call the bible of Shemale dating on the net, I go “in depth” on the side of being the male. Now when asked many of you say your favorite sexual position is doggy style. Now what many of you leave out is the fact that you like it when your in back, not in front. Now where Volume 6 showed you how to make the best of a hard situation, Volume 7 gets in to getting you back in power, back behind your new found bitch. The key to being the male in a male/shemale relationship is not being scared of taking control of your butchly beauty. You must be firm. Because if you aren’t firm, you can’t be the male…” This continued for many, many minutes.

“Now remember” says Hornsmaniac_2 “If it stink, pretend it’s the pink!” The crowd erupts into cheers and the party resumes.

Meanwhile in a secret hide out not so far away from the pre-victory party

Zap, Blast, Boom! Zap, Blast, Boom! A smoldering pile of rubble in the small room where weapons testing is carried on for The Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws. Could this be the first successful prototypes of Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws?? Or does someone just have some really bad diarrhea from the horrible Mexican food experiment during the party? And more importantly, can the Fighting Crawfish pull the upset over the heavily favored Cheesecake? Only time will tell…

[The Afoci]

Never play drunken soccer...

15974 spectators had come to Fighting Crawfish Arena this cloudy day. Fighting started off with a 4-5-1 lineup. The following players stumbled drunk out to the field: Holt - Meldi, de Oliveira, Gorostarzu, Simic - Uddstad, Danielsson, Kline, Woodson, Rossi - Rannem .

Cheesecake had chosen a strategic 3-5-2 formation. Lineup: Buckley - Sanford, Nilsson, Günzel - Schroeder, Pilgram, Hjortner, From Nielsen, Fraza - Hartbom, Páger.

Cheesecake took the lead in the games 16:th minute with 0 - 1 after some elegant plays down the middle. Ronny Hartbom was the scorer as he scored on a passed out Tommy Holt. Tommy Holt was later revived, but not before a combination in the middle resulted in a through ball for Tommy Joe Sanford who increased Cheesecake´s lead to 0 - 2. After 24 minutes Fighting´s Lars-Olof "Chris Gaines" Uddstad began puking everywhere on the field, but could finish the game. Cheesecake increased the lead to 0 - 3 as Ronny Hartbom scored from the penalty spot, putting the ball in near the top left corner. The structure of the game started to change as Cheesecake decided to pull back and meet their opponents in the defensive zone where the smell of puke was not as bad. In the 26:th minute Fightings "I am a big fire breathing" Dragan Simic received a yellow card for going into a challenge studs first and then placing a Crawfish on a refs sack in celebration! 27 minutes into the game Skip Schroeder had to leave the pitch due to a knee injury after a tight pinch on his sack from a Crawfish. In came Mikhail Gusev. The teams went for a half-time break at 0 - 3. The fortyfive minutes were dominated by Cheesecake, with an impressive 56 percent possession of the ball.

Ronny Hartbom came close to extending the visitors lead as he, completely unmarked in front of the goal, lifted a ball over Tommy Holt, who was still trying to finish his halftime drink, hitting the bar. The game had been on for 65 minutes when Stefan Hjortner broke through to the right, upping the score to the home crowd´s dismay. Free beer was then handed out and the people didn't care as much. Cheesecake´s were up 0 - 4. Cheesecake came close to extending their lead as Ronny Hartbom delivered a long range shot from the right but the angle was to sharp, and the shot hit the side of the goal waking Tommy Holt from his drunken sleep. Cheesecakes Andre From Nielsen got himself booked after a foul. Cheesecake made a substitution in the 84:th minute. Hylke Fraza limped off the field and was replaced by Marvin Stefan Mackel after a beer bottle from the crowd drilled him in the head. Almost all the way down to the corner flag Marvin Stefan Mackel somhow managed to get a perfect pass into the middle, impossible to miss for Zsolt Páger who struck for 0 - 5. Cheesecake held the ball, with a clear 66 percent possession rate.

Fighting´s best player was Tommy Holt. However, Christian Rossi made a disastrous appearance as he actually never made it to the field and nearly died on his own puke. Most important Cheesecake player was Barend Pilgram. Marvin Stefan Mackel on the other hand, had a terrible day. The match ends 0 - 5.

The Aftermath...

Well, I guess I thought it would be closer, but their passable midfield just crushed me. I tried a 4-5-1 and it failed me, I gave up 5 goals and had 0 scoring chances...anyway, screw it.

The Square Pegs come to play a "friendly"...Yumm...square peg players sacks sound good to Crawfish...

[The Afoci]

Oh yeah, that Tommy Holt was our youth pull this week. He is a 20 year old valued at over 280k and is a passable keeper. Doug Justice was placed on the wire starting at 75k.

[The Afoci]

Send your help...

The Afoci is sitting in a smoke filled room. Wrappers from numerous different candy items are scattered everywhere. He has 2 empty boxes of Strawberry Gushers in front of him ("I hope that liking the explosion of a sweet juice in my mouth doesn't make me gay" The Afoci would tell an aroused Number Two who would reply shyly "Oh, of course not sugar..."), the wrapper of what once was a pound of Cloverdale Maple Thick Cut Bacon, and a bottle of American Easy Cheese and Ritz Crackers. Lars-Olof "Chris Gaines" Uddstad is playing his best rendition of Warren G and Nate Doggs "Regulators" on acoustic guitar.

"Regulators" screams The Afoci "Mount up me bitches" he adds. "We are going to fight some crime! Get me Chavez "the dope finding" Dog!"

Number Two calls in Chavez "the dope finding" Dog.

"You got the Jif you motherbitches?" says Chavez "the dope finding" Dog.

"No" says The Afoci with his voice growing more and more serious. "What has happened is that with the sale of Doug Justice we received about 73k and are within 70k of being able to go on the market again. We are going to cut back on the purchase of Jif for now."

"Damn it" says Chavez "the dope finding" Dog "I won't eat any other, you find yourself another dog" as he leans over to the large glass object in the middle of the room releasing most of the smoke into the air.

Exhaling The Afoci says to him "Don't worry about it, we will get your Jif, it is time to unleash my newest secret plan upon the world. This will be more masterful of a plan than the man who made Spaceballs." He pauses and thinks for a minute, "Number Two we should make some Laser Blaster Rings so we can shoot people in the sack with them. Anyway, it is time you all hear about Operation Steal Jif from the Grocery Store by Force using Crawfish with Laser *cough* *cough* Damn that was a good hit, oh yeah anyway, Blasters instead of Claws!"

Everyone looks up, Number Two, Chavez "the dope finding" Dog, and even Lars-Olof "Chris Gaines" Uddstad. The Afoci grabs a peice of paper and draws up the plan. They all ohhh and ahhh at the masterful plan that is being drawn up.

"How will that be possible?" asks Lars-Olof "Chris Gaines" Uddstad, "I have no weapon!"

"You will have a weapon, oh yes" says The Afoci laughing devilishly while looking at Number Two!

"It can't be done" says Number Two "It would be suicide, they haven't been tested yet, we must wait, it is too soon!"

"I am sorry you are a wuss" says The Afoci "Plus the only risk I see is for Lars-Olof "Chris Gaines" Uddstad, who could possibly get hurt?"

Everyone looks around confused and then towards Lars-Olof "Chris Gaines" Uddstad who looks up from the bong in the center of the room. "Rock on, dudes, lets do it!"



Now what is about to happen will be in the history books. What is about to happen could be the greatest thing in the history of the world. Or perhaps it could be uglier than a 3 legged shemale(are there any other kinds) humping a midget while slapping a donkey on the ass and calling it Jesus(HAY-ZUEZ), the man who steals hubcaps from Caddy's. What we are about to witness is the unleashing of Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws for Operation Steal Jif from the Grocery Store by Force using Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws!



The grocery store parking lot is dark as the four converge on it late one May night. The lights flicker from the tall poles that guard the store like watch towers. Slyly they slip by one by one to the edge of the store just to the east of the door. Lars-Olof "Chris Gaines" Uddstad is the first there. He is dressed from head to toe in black. Sadly it is mostly lace. He is wearing a black lacey bra and thong from Victoria Secrets latest catolog. His high heels I believe are from Payless but you would never know because the look just like the expensive ones and he got them for only $8. What a deal. He is carrying a black hand bag and has pantyhose over his head. The Afoci dressed in a superman outfit, stood out, but he stood proud with his chest out, and his mighty chest hair blowing in the wind! Number Two dressed like batman, but didn't have the right costume and it was actually a white t-shirt with batman wrote on it with a black sharpie. Chavez "the dope finding" Dog wore nothing unusual, but had a joint hanging from his mouth and a visor that he thought brought up his street credibility.

It was here where The Afoci remember the time he was caught shoplifting 2 bolonga lunchables and was giving a $200 fine when he was 19. Not a proud moment, but this would be his revenge(true story sadly :( )

Lars-Olof "Chris Gaines" Uddstad walks to the doors of the 24 hour a day grocery supercenter named Cashwise Grocery. He stumbles in on his heels and approaches the now laughing cashier. "What you laughing at?" He asks, "What, you just jealous that I look so fine, well you won't be lauging when you see what is in my bag!"

"Oh damn" said the Cashier, "Your robbing us aren't you, take what you want misses..." he says laughing.

"Thats it" screams Lars-Olof "Chris Gaines" Uddstad. He reaches into the bag and pulls out one Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws. "What do you think of this bitch, now get me my god damn Peanut Butter, and make it Jif!"

"Are you trying to rob me with what appears to be a Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws? says the Cashier laughing still.

"Why yes I am" says Lars-Olof "Chris Gaines" Uddstad "Now you have asked for it. Unleash the F*cking Fury!!!" he screams as he sets the Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws down and jumps towards the laughing cashier.

A huge Laser Blast comes from the small Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws. The shot hits Lars-Olof "Chris Gaines" Uddstad directly in the sack. Screams fill the grocery store and suddenly a screaming Hornsmaniac_2 comes screaming towards the door with a box of tampons screaming "If only my wife hadn't told me to get these so I could use the big boys potty again, I wouldn't have crapped myself!" as he runs out the door.

Lars-Olof "Chris Gaines" Uddstad wiggling in pain on the ground screams "Bitch, you made me ruin my nicest thong. Do I look like a bitch to you, huh?"

The Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws fires another blast that barely misses his head.

"Stop treating me like a bitch!" says Lars-Olof "Chris Gaines" Uddstad. He then swings his black purse and crushes the Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws. The cashier gets up laughing, "You just killed your weapon jackass and your pubes are on fire still!"

"Ahhhhh" screams Lars-Olof "Chris Gaines" Uddstad as he takes off running. Everyone scrambles and joins him as they run back to the secret hide out not far from the Fighting Crawfish Arena!

"What the Hell happened?" asked The Afoci

"They were ready for me, they knew everything!" says Lars-Olof "Chris Gaines" Uddstad. They turn on the TV and there is a live report from the scene of the crime...



It appears that someone attempted to rob this store with a Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws. The suspect was wearing womens panties and ended up killing the Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws himself. This report would like to be the first to say that this crime was probably from that lunatic that owns that soccer team that got drunk before the biggest game of the season. He seems bright enough to do something this stupid. Not only that, they didn't take any money, they tried stealing Jif peanut butter. What in the hell could they use that for? Anyway, back to you.



"Sweet, Lunatic is close to evil genious!" says The Afoci "We are getting closer! Now pass that and we will try some other time..."

"Good Idea" says everyone else...

[Marmel]

Shouldn't Lars be punished for killing a Crawfish with Laser blasters instead of Claw?

[mckerney]

Wait, you stole two lunchables bolonga sandwiches when you where 19? How deliciously amusing... :D

[AKnightofNi]

2 bolonga lunchables and no soda? What the hell were you thinking?? :)

[The Afoci]

Overcast weather free of rain made for a crowd turnout of 341 at Fighting Crawfish Arena today. Fighting started off with a 3-5-2 lineup. The following players had been chosen: Denney - Meldi, Cherry, Simic - Gorostarzu, Uddstad, Parsons, Jimeno, Rossi - Scroggins, Darden.

Square had chosen a strategic 5-4-1 formation causing a mass nap to occur in the stands. The following players had been chosen: Abney - Lombardi, Barreto, Mcgovern, Taylor, Taylor - Conner, Trandahl, Seals, Cheatham - Frazier.

Many thought Lars-Olof "Chris Gaines" Uddstad ought to have been awarded a penalty shot in the 9:th minute, as he went down on the visitors keeper Jim Abney. Apparently he needs to work on his technique. Fighting created a good opportunity to score in the games 18:th minute when Christian Rossi`s hooked ball created a scuffle in front of the goal, and the visitors defenders had a hard time clearing the ball. Fighting tried to break through in the middle repeatedly, but kept getting stuck on the visitors defenders. The referee showed Squares Abel Barreto the yellow card after a particularly nasty challenge and then he was ritualistical beat and had a Crawfish attached to his sack. Trader! A peculiar volley from Roy Parsons almost resulted in a goal, but Matt Scroggins wasn´t able to exploit the well-timed pass. The teams went for a half-time break at 0 - 0. Fighting, bringing the final ball possession rate to 78 percent, dominated the battle.

After a fine move down the middle Lars-Olof "Chris Gaines" Uddstad nearly gave the home side one up in the 49:th minute. The finishing shot went just wide, though. In the 62nd minute the home side managed to get a 1 - 0 lead as Norbert Darden flipped the ball after a cross pass from the right. Thus ending the Square Pegs chances as the 5-4-1 provides as much scoring oppurtinities as attending a bar with Hornsmaniac_2. There aren't a lot of them and the ones you get all are shemales. Fighting held the ball, with a clear 74 percent possession rate.

The most dominating Fighting player was without a doubt José Javier Gorostarzu. Matt Scroggins on the other hand, had a terrible day. The most dominating Square player was without a doubt Art Frazier. Abel Barreto on the other hand, had a terrible day. The match ends 1 - 0.

Not bad. Coming up training update and another piece of the Fighting Crawfish saga!

[The Afoci]

Training Update

Only one PM increase came from 18 year old Dan Woodson. He is now pass/pm, passing, and defending!

Tribute!

After a short celebration for the mild media coverage provide in an attempt to steal Jif peanut butter with the first working prototype of Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws they realized that he is dead and they must start over.

"We are here today with heavy hearts after the tragedy of a few days ago" starts The Afoci "We lost a great one, a pioneer, a visionary Crawfish when he was crushed by a women's purse carried by our own Lars-Olof "Chris Gaines" Usddad. Lars-Olof "Chris Gaines" Usddad has spent the last few days whoring himself to earn money to put together this. It is the first ever logo for the Fighting Crawfish provided by Eilim. (Thanks again) And here it is!"

http://home.attbi.com/~bbfc/crawfishcartoon.jpg

The crowd begins to cry. "It is a picture of him surfing with his family on a trip to Hawaii" says The Afoci "He is survived by some other Crawfish he may or may not have been related to because they all look alike."

The Orcs!

Up next for the Crawfish are The Orcs. This team must train defense because they put up stellar ratings. The owner has made a lot of big transfers 300k plus but appears to not care that he only puts up wretched midfields. I have beat him 3-0 in our only meeting last year.

The truth about my childhood

I was actually caught with 2 bologna lunchables while attempting to leave a grocery store...the second time. A friend and I were hungry(hmmm....) and decide to pick up some lunchables. Being on sale for $1.39 each, we thought, they wouldn't miss $2.78. I was wrong. We made it out the door but were caught after re-entering the store to bag our product. A wise decision that lead to a $200 fine and a suspend 30 days in jail for 1 year. And we never got to eat the food. A truly sad day. :)

[mckerney]

Woah, this is too good. You actually got away with stealing some crappy food, but then you went back?!?!?

Man, with decisions like that it's no wonder you got in so much debt.

[The Afoci]

Just a Small Update!

Weather conditions were fairly good for football, and The Orcs Arena saw a crowd turnout of 11265. Orcs had chosen a strategic 3-5-2 formation. The following players had been chosen: Weinstein - Lyhskär, Gottin, Stuart - Beyer, Sanguesa, Johansson, Vuong, Karstensson - Nederhall, Cãpusa.

Fighting had chosen a strategic 3-5-2 formation. Lineup: Holt - Gorostarzu, de Oliveira, Simic - Uddstad, Danielsson, Kline, Woodson, Rossi - Rannem , Darden.

José Javier Gorostarzu came close to putting the visiting team one up in the 18:th minute, following a solo raid down the middle, but Tommy Weinstein managed to tip the ball to a corner. 0 - 0 was the half-time score. Fighting held the ball, with a clear 57 percent possession rate.

Fighting, bringing the final ball possession rate to 72 percent, dominated the battle.

The most dominating Orcs player was without a doubt Michael Lyhskär. Remia Vuong on the other hand, had a terrible day. The most dominating Fighting player was without a doubt Tommy Holt. Christian Rossi was a disappointment, however. The match ends 0 - 0.


Usually I would add in some (hopefully) funny comments, but I think the funniest thing is that I had one event and it was the first update of the game.

[The Afoci]

In the deepest, darkest depths of...

Now it was a cold and windy a day in Fargo ND. Wind swept through the trees and across the fields. The mighty wind then slammed but one door. It was but one door, but this one door was different from the other doors. For it was the one door, the only door to the Secret Hide-out not so far from the Fighting Crawfish Arena. So when this one door shut from the wind it cause but one reaction down in the deepest, darkest depths of...

Now as this one reaction spread so frantically from man to man and dog, this one and only one reaction was wonder. This wonder was directed at the only door to get down here, but that wonder also spread to who could be inside the only door to down in the deepest, darkest depths of...

So it is with thoughs of what may be on its way because it shut the only door, the man and man and dog had to decide. They had to decide on who was to go first, and this though of who had to go first was an obvious enough one that it is a wonder anyone even wondered. For it was the one that came second that would be the one who would go first and so it was that Mikey "Number Two" Denney was to walk up the stairs towards the one and only door to get down in the deepest, darkest depths of...

So with the thought and slight discussion that lead to the one who came second to go first, we were left with a man and a dog along with some Jif. Another thought so certain to arise arouse in the pants of the man. As disturbing as that is, imagined the dog who was to get fat off his Jif and cream. Only the Jif can in the can that was delivered in the deepest, darkest depths of...

As the mans moans grew louder as the Jif that was still chilled from the recent application was growing less and less, the man who came second had already been sent first and was many steps upon his way. It was here he knew, he had decided another of those certain decisions, though he thought it over anyway. He had determined, that going second in Jif line was not a good decision down in the deepest, darkest depths of...

As his illness grew deeper, and his stomach grew tighter, the man who goes second, now sent to go first realized that going second to a dog now going third has left him more ill than he cares to handle, but he has a task at hand this time, not at mouth so he moves closer to the one and only door to go in the deepest, darkest depths of...

He now hears the moans grow louder as his illness grows closer, as the Jif is almost gone, the perfect application by an experienced man left the proper amount to reach ejection and with that it left the man who came second, but already sent first to investigate the one and only door down here, who has grown significantly more ill as his thoughts of going second to a dog now going third, caused him to eject a form of Jif and cream on the stairs in the deepest, darkest depths of...

Now slipping and falling, hitting his head, the poor man who came second, but was sent first to investigate the one and only door down here, became ill to the fact that he had gone second to a dog now going third, causing him to eject a mighty amount of Jif and cream causing him to slip, fall and ultimately decide to just say that it was the wind that hit the door, causing the one and only door down here to shut and it was not Easy Mac's team, although the plans are being designed to destroy them in the deepest, darkest depths of...

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My Head!

;)

[The Afoci]

After some creative road blocks, I am back...(hopefully)

A light through THE FOG

Fairly good weather for football had drawn a crowd of 11307 to Fighting Crawfish Arena. Fighting had chosen a strategic 3-5-2 formation. They fielded: Holt - Gorostarzu, de Oliveira, Simic - Uddstad, Danielsson, Kline, Woodson, Rossi - Rannem , Darden.

THE had chosen a strategic 4-3-3 formation. They fielded: Adde - Tacchi, Malcolm, Bland, Sundstrøm - Numbers, Hennen, Ohlsjö - Barton, Jiménez, Parker.

2 minutes into the game a free kick combination hooked into the box almost resulted in the home team taking the lead, but he was getting head at the time causing the shot to go wide. The cheerleader felt bad. Fighting's Ivar "Why can't my name be Ivan" Rannem scored 1 - 0 by shooting accurately and hard from a long distance, leaving the opponent goalie no other option than to pick up the ball from the net and pick a Crawfish from his sack. The referee showed Fightings "I am a big mean fire breathing" Dragan Simic a rash on his sack and he responded by putting a Crawfish on it! He was given a yellow card after that. The THE player was Bryan Hennen who had to be helped off the pitch, unable to finish the game after fear his sack would be next. In the games 25:th minute Fighting´s Christian Rossi fell dramatically just outside the penalty area. However, the referee booked Christian Rossi for taking a dive. With 32 minutes played Norbert Darden could have brought this one home for Fighting, had his hooked ball gone in, but he was just a bit too high for the game. The referee showed THEs Börje Ohlsjö the yellow card after a particularly nasty challenge with a three legged donkey resulting in some interspecies loving. Halftime score was 1 - 0. Fighting held the ball, with a clear 78 percent possession rate.

Fighting put their lead ahead another goal as Lars-Olof "Chris Gaines" Uddstad struck home the 2 - 0 goal, after an attack from the left setting him up unmarked with the keeper. Fighting held the ball, with a clear 84 percent possession rate.

Fighting´s best player was Tommy Holt. However, Norbert Darden made a disastrous appearance. Most important THE player was Ola Adde. Börje Ohlsjö was a disappointment, however. The match ends 2 - 0.

Overview

They run a 4-3-3 and get great attack and defensive ratings, but their midfield is usually disasterous. I play them again next week followed by The Orcs and FC Cheescake which are currently the two teams ranked above me. I can beat the Orcs normal, tied them last game, and I will MOTS the Cheesecake and pray I score on them.

We got a decent Youth Pull this week, his 18 and inad at defense and passable at winger. I may try to sell him or a current player, I haven't decided yet.

Rumors of Rumors

The Afoci was seen visible intoxicated after last nights game and rumor has it he brought some fine young ladies down to his secret hide out for some hot action...Stay tuned to see what he learned from the mack daddy of those who don't have to shave it yet, Hornsmaniac_2.

[The Afoci]

Its time for some lovin'

The smell of alcohol was very noticeable in the car as The Afoci pulled up to the secret hide out not so far from the Fighting Crawfish Arena. As his shiny, 1992 Green Pontiac Grand Prix pulled up, a guard came up to open his door. They ran into troubles because the door handle was missing. The Afoci opened it himself. From the back seat came what he referred to as "His Bitches". They were all escorted to the depths of secret hide out. His car was parked facing out incase of an emergency so they could leave with out putting it in reverse. It was necessary because the car lacked any power steering fluid. The Club was placed across the wheel, although it probably wasn't required considering he was the only one able to actually open the finely tuned piece of machinery.

As the three, The Afoci, a blonde and redhead, passed thru the first check point, music could be heard clearly coming from the next room. Some barking was also heard and The Afoci approached the door slowly and listened to what he could hear...

The first noise was the sound of Warrants Dog eat Dog album. The Afoci turned towards the ladies and says "that was a very underappreciated album." He then heard 2 very distinct barks. One was obviously Chavez "The dope finding" Dog.

At this point, there was really only one thing that would make since to do. Smoka la toka. Pulling a 4ft bong out from his pants and packing it, the ladies suddenly weren't so excited anymore. Within minutes, they all became very fluent in the language of dog.

"Yeah bitch, get on top" says Chavez "the dope finding" Dog "I am going to do you human style, like the slut dog you are..."

The Afoci jumps in to see a dog on top of Chavez "the dope finding" Dog. She gets off him and runs towards her collar, puts it back on and runs out of the secret hideout.

"What the hell man" says Chavez "the dope finding" Dog "That was a hot bitch, why didn't you check the door handle, I told you I would piss on it if I had a honey down hear."

The three humans all smell there hands and the door handle and say sorry. Chavez "the dope finding" Dog puts on his visor and his FUBU color and walks out "looking for some fine honeys".

The Afoci walks up to the futon and says to the ladies "Looks like a couch, right?"

"Yeah" they both reply.

He then folds it down to a bed, "Now look at this, the world’s most uncomfortable bed."

"OOOHHH" they both reply.

"So who hear likes peanut butter?" says The Afoci with a sly look on his face.

Confused they both raise there hands.

"Its tough work being the leader of a group determined to take over the world with Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws" says The Afoci "So sometimes I just like to relax." He turns on the CD player and Michael Jackson’s Dangerous starts playing. He sings to himself "I don't matter if your black or white, because you all can lick peanut butter from my sack."

Very confused the girls look at each other and with some fear they look back at him.

The Afoci starts taking off his clothes as he dances like Michael Jackson and looks seductively over to the ladies. "So what’s your favorite peanut butter?"

The both reply "Jif".

"Perfect" says The Afoci "OOOHHHH" he says as he grabs his crotch.

"That sounds just like Michael Jackson, how did you get such a high pitch?" asks the Blonde.

"I don't know?" says The Afoci examining his package, "It probably has something to do with this rash and open sore oozing puss."

"Yeah, probably" she replies.

Standing in a thong, The Afoci approaches the ladies. "So do you ladies like to role play?"

They both smile and say "Oh Yeah!"

He smiles and says "Hold on, let me go freshen up, I will be back in a moment" He then walks towards the bathroom and knocks a picture off one the shelves. "Oh ladies" says The Afoci as he bent over to pick it up.

They both ohhh and ahhh at the site.

Once in the bathroom, he glances at a picture of the greatest man with the ladies every. He then say The Hornsmaniac_2 Prayer.

"Dear Hornsmaniac_2, give me the power to be cocky and funny, as you have been cocky and funny. Please lead me to the way of picking up the honeys and please show me the way to make sure they are mostly female. Give me the power to show them that I don't want them and do all in one. Also, allow me to grow my mullet as full as yours. In your name I pray to get laid, Hornsmaniac_2, amen."

The Afoci glances at The Hornsmaniac_2 picture above the mirror and his WWHornsmaniac_2D bracelet "Be strong and tell them what you want, don't do what they want, its all about you, cocky and funny baby!"

He walks back out the ladies and does a little hop up to them. "Okay ladies, we are going to play a little game I call, Dog Catcher. Who wants to be the Lab and who wants to be the German Sheppard?"

Confused they look at each other and then the blonde steps forward, "I wanna be the lab".

"Okay" says The Afoci "Reddy, you’re a German Sheppard, now on all fours and run. I will take out my dog catching stick and chase you around."

They both get on all fours and begin running around like that. The Afoci then pulls off his thong and throws it to the ground. "Hmm, I will have to wipe better next time, anyway, here pooches." They both come towards him. "No bitches, it’s not fun if you come towards me, I have to catch, stay in character, and I haven't heard any barking!"

They both start to bark. "Shit, those are some angry dogs!" says The Afoci as he jumps up on the futon. He then jumps on the blondes back and wrestlers her to the ground. She fights some but he is able to tie up her hands and feet and places her on the bed. "Now sniff my ass like a dog would!" screams The Afoci.

She does and he lets a huge fart go. Laughing The Afoci says "I always wanted to do that, let me get something for your face, I didn't realize she was going to be a wet one...."

The Afoci then turns his attention to the German Sheppard. "You’re a mean dog, be mean baby!"

She runs up towards him barking the whole way.

"Feisty" says The Afoci "Just the way I like my dogs!" He then pulls out a baton(don't ask where from). "Time to take care of the angry dog!"

She gets up all scared, "This is too weird!"

The Afoci hits her in the knee with the baton screaming "Dogs don't stand up bitch, your ruining my mood!"

She then punches him in the sack and gets up. Both stand face to face. Her knee is bruised and his sack is hurt. They circle around each other in a fashion similar to that of Mortal Combat. She then kicks him in the sack and The Afoci drops to the ground. She continues to pummel him by kicking and punching him. The Afoci then retaliates with the worst move he can think of. A titty twister. She drops to the ground and starts to whither in pain.

"Dogs don't kick and punch bitch" The Afoci "They bite!" And with that she latches on to Little The Afoci. A sound so horrible and so loud could be heard throughout the whole state. The Afoci drops to the ground and is crying in the fetal position. The red head unties the blonde and they both leave.

"But no one licked peanut butter off my sack!" says The Afoci

They both look at each other and walk to him. The red head grabs a can of Jif as the Blonde ties him up.

"Kinky" says The Afoci.

"Yeah, sort of" they both reply.

After smearing peanut butter over Little The Afoci, the both leave and return a few minutes later with a dog that The Afoci has feared since he was little. That’s right the bitches brought back a.....a wiener dog!

As the bitches left, you could hear the screams of pain as the little dog nibbled away at Little The Afoci. But out of nowhere Chavez "the dope finding" Dog appears and rips the wiener dog to shreds. Both Chavez "the dope finding" Dog and The Afoci know what to do. They chase after the girls.

"He is humping my leg" screams the Blonde.

"There is nothing I can do" says the Redhead "This damn drug dog is chasing me...."



As odd as it would seem from this story, both the redhead and the blonde are now supporters of The Fighting Crawfish. They are 2 of 9 new supporters. In my years of following The Afoci, documenting his life, I do have to say that that boy ain't right...

[Poli]

Note to self: Try and figure this stuff out later!

[DataKing]

Save your sanity, Ardent. Escape now while you can. :)

[The Afoci]

Originally posted by ardent enthusiast
Note to self: Try and figure this stuff out later!

PM me if you figure it out, thanks! ;)

[The Afoci]

Just a small update, I won my FOFC cup match last night.

I am going to X-fest, so there will be no updates until sunday at the earliest. Just thought I would tell ya. Thanks

The Afoci

[sterlingice]

Not that this isn't just stating the obvious but: TMFI.

SI

[The Afoci]

hmmm... what is "TMFI"?

[mckerney]

Too much information, I believe. Though in reality it's not too much, it's just the wrong information for some of those weaker stomached people out there.

[The Afoci]

Just a quick update since I am currently sick as hell. Damn XFest.

The Crawfish crushed the new squad in the league, 6-0.
We also sold Jose Javier Gostoiasdfwuiervasdvfawef for $165k!!!!!!!!!

That is unbelievable. I put him up twice at 100k with no bids and the third time, I couldn't beat the people off him. He was a passable scorer/defender and inad winger/midfield.

[illinifan999]

:D

[sterlingice]

Originally posted by The Afoci
hmmm... what is "TMFI"?

mckerney was correct: Too Much F'ing Information.

SI

[mckerney]

Yeah, but I said it wasn't too much info.

And based on the amount of alcohol people who came into my place of employement bought that were on their way to X Fest, I'm not real surprised about the sickness you must now suffer through.

So much beer...

[sterlingice]

Originally posted by mckerney
Yeah, but I said it wasn't too much info.

I suppose to clarify, your definition of the abbreviation was correct. As for the editorializing, well, we disagree :D

SI

[The Afoci]

The Creation of a Crawfish Boy!



Now that the debt of The Fighting Crawfish is a meager -$144k and a home game coming next week, I figured it was time for you all to find something out. Now as you all have followed me through the trials and tribulations of one boy’s life to create Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws you may wonder what would lead him to want that in the first place. Sure, there were the underground animal fights, the day he lost his virginity and the obvious reasons of Crawfish being the scariest, most deadly animal on the face of the earth. But one thing overall has set The Afoci on his path. On this path for greatness and world domination. It all began weirdly in a semi-truck in Canada.



The year was 1979. The Afoci’s father was in the early stages of his plans to take over the earth with of all things, The Earthworm. To finance this, his father had taken a risky load on his semi-truck. This load was none other than the US newest top secret weapon. A genetically superior Crawfish. They were faster, smarter and stronger. His journey began just outside of Minneapolis MN. He traveled up Highway 10 and drank much too much beer on his way and had to make a stop in the small town of Hawley MN. After seeing that a Lefse Shop was really his only option as the local bar for some odd reason wasn’t open yet at 9 Am., something that would change, but not quite yet. The Afoci’s dad was a hippie/ladies man. A deadly combination to the panties of all, but mostly humans. Instantly he found himself attracted to a short Lefsemaker and decided to approach her.

His mother was a 19 year-old Lefsemaker. She had grown up only 10 miles outside of Hawley MN and moved into town after dropping out of high school because of fear. The mean streets of Hawley MN weren’t for the light hearted. She purchased the finest mobile home $1000 dollars could purchase at the time and moved it within one block of the local bar. Obviously the perfect place to raise a family once she found her Prince Charming. But on a fateful day in 1979, well making Lefse, she says a hippie/womanizer that would change her life and ultimately the fate of the world. On that fateful day, she locked up the trailer, took a month vacation, and went out on the road. She decided that life with a trucker was what she needed. Little did she know that she was about to be involved in the conception of perhaps the greatest leader the world would ever seen. I doubt it myself, considering Cheech and Chong would be proud of these two’s puffing abilities. It was tough to tell which was greater, the smoke leaving the exhaust of the mighty 18 wheeler or the smoke billowing out the windows of it.

Now as fate would have it, they were about to become a commercial about marijuana. It would say, “Marijuana, it’s more harmful than you thought!” Shortly after passing into Canada and being incredibly happy to notice the 100km/h speed limits, they both discussed what the hell “km” meant and figured it was Canadian for “miles”. Not one to obey laws, much like many hippie/womanizers, The Afoci’s dad began cruising about 120 mph and was enjoying the ride. Suddenly out of nowhere, a large buck with antlers of steel and destiny was struck by the semi-truck. He exploded into a ball of goo that any pornstar would be proud of. All of him, except his head and antlers. They went flying over the semi-truck and struck the trailer with such a force, that a small gash was formed in it. Not one large enough for a Crawfish to escape from, but on large enough for a claw to fit through. Startled by the happenings in front of them, the passed the bowl and smoked away there fear. But soon, oddly enough, paranoia had set in, along with a major case of the munchies. They pulled over to the next rest stop, broke the vending machine and ate every last snickers bar.

Now in highly energized by there new found energy source, The Afoci’s dad told his mother, “Why wait?” on the question of consummating there relationship that neither knew would lead to marriage. Not knowing the Canadian laws, The Afoci’s mother agreed to the arrangement and they retreated to the sleeping quarters of the semi. Suddenly, Bad Company blared over the semi-trucks mighty speakers, and yes, its true, they “Feel like, duh dut duh, duh dut dut, feel like making love to you!”

But not so far from this romantic escapade was but one mighty Crawfish, who was mightier than all the other Crawfish. Perhaps you could even call him a visionary or a messiah. Perhaps you could even call him the bringer of all that is to be. He was able to pry open the small gash in the trailer with his mighty claws and work his way onto the top. He could hear the words spoken by the two lovers not far away and they went something like this. “Wow, that is a great plan, I always loved a man who had the drive to take over the world with Earthworms!” After that all that could be heard was muffled moans and groans. Intrigued by what was before him and destined to do what he knew nothing about, this one mighty Crawfish crawled off the trailer. He found a small hole into the cab of the truck and he watched as man and women became one and as man was about to separate himself from himself in a glorious moment of human avalanche, the one mighty Crawfish did what he unknowingly was destined to do. He latched onto the sack and in a scream of pain and ecstasy, The Afoci’s dad crushed the one mighty Crawfish. He withered in pain as she reminisced over the greatest 45 seconds of the last minute of her life.

Now still unaware of their destiny, they took another step towards securing it. As The Afoci’s had already received payment in advance to delivery of the load, they destroyed the remain Crawfish and returned to the trailer home in Hawley to forever put up the wheels and settle down to conquer the world with Earthworms. The total lose of the crop of genetically engineered Crawfish caused the government to look for other methods of world domination and set up a void that would be filled by The Afoci in the area of attack Crawfish.

Now time had passed, probably two months when The Afoci’s mom realized that her birth control method of choice, prayer, didn’t work. And in a twist of fate, on the day the USA declared its independence from the tyranny of England, The Afoci declared his independence from the womb of his mother. At the time his parents didn’t know of the greatness that was before them.


And that my friend is how we came to get The Afoci and how somehow, deep inside, he always knew what he needed to become. But one thing still haunts him. And it haunts him in his sleep. It haunts him well he is awake. It is where in Canada is The Afoci’s dad? Will we ever find out?

In a completely unrelated incident, Frogman from Canada is visiting the Crawfish this week in the FOFC cup and ”You better guard your daughters or they will be" Les "their" Cherry "s" is currently enjoying the wives/girlfriends of his players. May the best STD win, I mean may the best team win….

[The Afoci]

Blame Canada, Blame Canada....

At Fighting Crawfish Arena, 1777 punters turned up, and despite threatening clouds at the horizon, no rain came. Fighting had chosen a strategic 3-5-2 formation. The following players had been chosen: Denney - Meldi, Cherry, Randolph - Rossi, Uddstad, Parsons, Jimeno, Simic - Scroggins, Alonso.

Pintendre had chosen a strategic 4-5-1 formation. Lineup: Yin-Hao - de Carvalho, Best, Silfwerling, Ball - Peltola, Rossten, Brouillard, Gott, Lyles - Olenfeldt.

The referee showed Fightings Christian Rossi the yellow card after he stole the refs pants exposing that he truly was a pansy ass. Pintendre´s Anders Gott left the field after 10 minutes because of a nasty blow his wife gave him the night before that resulted in numerous open sores. Many suspect "You better guard your daugthers or they will be" Les "their" Cherry"s" for the initial infection. His replacement was Stefan Rasmussen who looked full and oddly had peanut butter around his mouth. Pintendre had several good opportunities to take the lead, especially in the 11th minute when Per Rossten came up alone against Mikey "Number Two" Denney who managed a block. Jerry Best surprised the home team with a free kick aimed at the wrong post in the 41st minute. 0 - 1 for Pintendre. Also suprising was the fact he did it with an angry and I mean angry Crawfish attached to his sack! Halftime score was 0 - 1. Pintendre held the ball, with a clear 63 percent possession rate.

Some fine drinking on the pitch by the Crawfish lead to an 50:th minute Pintendre goal, making it 0 - 2. Keimo Peltola was noted down as the scorer. After several obvious shirt pulling incidents, Pintendre´s Michel Brouillard got himself booked and was then attacked by a rabid Chavez "the dope finding" dog who was looking for some Jif. He found none. In the 71st minute the visitors put themselves ahead 0 - 3 as Vincent Lyles finished off an attack from the left with a spectacular scissors kick that had many stoned Crawfish players believing he was the One and calling him Neo for the remainder of the game. After this Pintendre lowered the tempo in order to concentrate on their defensive efforts that would protect them from the dread Crawfish to the sack method that Fighting Crawfish are known for. Sadly, in the 72nd minute Matt Scroggins passed through the guests central line of defense, scoring the 1 - 3 goal when they were agonizing over the fact that indeed they had Crawfish attached to their sacks. In the games 72nd minute Stefan Rasmussen nearly put the visitors another one up as he broke through but the Crawfish on his sack caused him to fire his load prematurely just outside the box causing him to slip, and his shot passed just over the bar. Pintendres Vincent Lyles got himself booked after a foul smelling fart he let go near a ref. Due to what some considered a severely mistimed tackle, Rafael Maria Meldi spent some on the grass writhing in agony before he could get up and continue the game. Others thought it to be retaliation for him placing Crawfish on the sacks of numerous players and coaches of the Pitbulls. Pintendre, bringing the final ball possession rate to 73 percent, dominated the battle.

The most dominating Fighting player was without a doubt Mikey "Number Two" Denney. Juan Luis Alonso on the other hand, had a terrible day. The most dominating Pintendre player was without a doubt Per Rossten. Jerry Best on the other hand, had a terrible day. The match ends 1 - 3.

[condors]

you get the strangest match reports i have ever seen :)

[The Afoci]

This update will include information all related to hattrick to give you guys an idea where the team is at over halfway into this season now.

Youth Pull

Teddy Carney
30 000 US$, 19 years, passable form
Has disastrous experience and poor leadership abilities


Stamina: weak Keeper: disastrous
Playmaking: passable Passing: poor
Winger: wretched Defending: poor
Scoring: wretched Set Pieces: poor

Teddy came at a perfect time as my economy had finally dipped above the -200k mark. I was searching for a cheap midfield trainee and luckily couldn't find one I wanted. He isn't ideal at 19, but will work until the end of the season when my plan is to blow up my midfield and revamp my training to make a push towards DIV.

Economy

This is looking good for the first time since I started this dynasty.

Hattrick » Economy


Economy

Cash funds: -179 722 US$ (-137 492) US$
Sponsors: high on life
Supporter Club: 777 members
Supporters: high on life


This week

Revenue Expenses
Crowd 86 000 Arena 10 550
Sponsors 40 350 Wages 17 004
Financial 2 500 Interest 8 986
Temporary 420 Temporary 2 000
Staff 28 500
Youth squad 20 000
Total revenue 129 270 Total expenses 87 040
Expected income/loss 42 230


Last week

Revenue Expenses
Crowd 4 638 Arena 10 550
Sponsors 39 300 Wages 17 004
Financial 5 300 Interest 7 226
Temporary 840 Temporary 2 000
Staff 28 500
Youth squad 20 000
Total revenue 50 078 Total expenses 85 280
Last week´s income/loss -35 202

Finally my income on home game weeks surpasses my losses on away game weeks.

My youth squad is solid and has provided me with numerous players as of late that are filling the ranks of the squad.

The Orcs

Last time we played them, it ending in a 0-0 tie with a no update second half. Mickey Kline, one of my best middies, is suspended this game and because of form, Monte Randolph, a youth pull a few weeks ago, will have to play wingback.

The 16000 spectators at Fighting Crawfish Arena were in for an afternoon of sunshine. Fighting tactics involved an interesting 3-5-2 combination. The following players had been chosen: Holt - Randolph, de Oliveira, Simic - Uddstad, Danielsson, Jimeno, Woodson, Rossi - Rannem , Darden.

Orcs had chosen a strategic 3-5-2 formation. Lineup: Goodson - Lyhskär, Gottin, Stuart - Beyer, Tompkins, Lönnén, Månsson, Karstensson - Nederhall, Cãpusa.

Fightings Ivar "Why can't my name be Ivan" Rannem gave, after 4 minutes, the home team a 1 - 0 lead after an attack coming in from the right. After several obvious shirt pulling incidents, Orcs´s Leonard Tompkins got himself booked and found a Crawfish attached to his sack! Things were going to get worse for the visitors as Dan Woodson squirmed himself through the central defense line in the 31st minute, asserting the lead to 2 - 0. Orcs had to manage with a reduced squad from the 37:th minute on, as Jan Gottin got sent off for attacking a ref while he had a Crawfish attached to his sack! Dan Woodson of Fighting received a yellow card in the 40:th minute for unsportsmanlike behaviour as he did naked cartwheels while his junk was only covered in peanut butter. With 42 minutes played Norbert Darden could have brought this one home for Fighting, had his hooked ball gone in, but it went just a bit too high. 2 - 0 was the half-time score. Fighting held the ball, with a clear 61 percent possession rate.

A great save by goaltender Derek Goodson in the 58:th minute kept the visitors in the game as Christian Rossi struck from the left with a real cannonball. Fighting were given a penalty in the 64:th, neatly put away by Ivar "Why can't my name be Ivan" Rannem. 3 - 0 for the home side. A bit later, a magnificent combination in the middle resulted in Fighting´s "I am a big mean fire breathing" Dragan Simic putting the lead up to 4 - 0. The structure of the game started to change as Fighting decided to pull back and meet their opponents with Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws!. In the games 74:th minute Fighting´s Lars-Olof "Chris Gaines" Uddstad fell dramatically just outside the penalty area. However, the referee booked Lars-Olof "Chris Gaines" Uddstad for taking a dive. Fighting held the ball, with a clear 62 percent possession rate.

The most dominating Fighting player was without a doubt Tommy Holt. Gustav Danielsson on the other hand, had a terrible day. The most dominating Orcs player was without a doubt Michael Lyhskär. Leonard Tompkins on the other hand, had a terrible day. The match ends 4 - 0.

Notes

Tommy Holt gave the team its first ever 3 star player. Gustav Danielsson form has dropped since putting up his 2 1/2 game and continues to hover around poor. Hopefully this week it will change, and there is reason to believe it will.

This week, The Fighting Crawfish go to hated rival, FC Cheesecake. A match up of 1 vs 2. We have never scored a goal against them and are looking forward to doing so this week in what will be our Match of the Season!

Edited because I messed up!

[Nyarlahotep]

Hey dude, how many economists do you have?

[The Afoci]

Originally posted by Nyarlahotep
Hey dude, how many economists do you have?

I think I have 3, I forgot to fire them now that I am out of deep debt. This week they meet there demise, muhhahhahahh!

[The Afoci]

Press Anouncement for all Crawfish fans!

This week will be Previctory Party II, this time we win! I kept a "waiting list for guests from last party that never got in. I will post that later. If there are any changes, let me know. I will be posting a schedule that hopefully I can keep up with this time. Rumor has it that the event will be featuring the one, the only Hornsmaniac_2 for Friday's send off!

[The Afoci]

Here is the waiting list:

sterlingice Tim Kimber and Mick Starks
NevStar "Crazy" Earl Freedom and "Not Quite As Crazy" Bogdan Kozuchowski
mckerney Art Frazier and Kalle "Waste of $15000 even though he's valued more than six times that" Trandahl
Aesyrqwe David Dewitt and Jerald Obrien
robbgmaier Oriol "double stuff" Villaver and Elijah "the prophet" Dupree
Qwikshot Eli Svarva "Beans"
DataKing Ben McMahon
Havok Vlad "The Impaler" Nutiu
Raven Hawk Lindsey Bentley and Costan Cinca
and attending himself, AKnightofNi

Hopefully tomorrow, the first event will start!

[illinifan999]

Can I get into the party? One of my players, Richard Mcgowan would also like to attend. :D :D

[The Afoci]

Originally posted by illinifan999
Can I get into the party? One of my players, Richard Mcgowan would also like to attend. :D :D

Yep, I will try to fit as many as I can in. The ones that missed the first party have priority though.

[Qwikshot]

Originally posted by The Afoci
Here is the waiting list:

sterlingice Tim Kimber and Mick Starks
NevStar "Crazy" Earl Freedom and "Not Quite As Crazy" Bogdan Kozuchowski
mckerney Art Frazier and Kalle "Waste of $15000 even though he's valued more than six times that" Trandahl
Aesyrqwe David Dewitt and Jerald Obrien
robbgmaier Oriol "double stuff" Villaver and Elijah "the prophet" Dupree
Qwikshot Eli Svarva "Beans"
DataKing Ben McMahon
Havok Vlad "The Impaler" Nutiu
Raven Hawk Lindsey Bentley and Costan Cinca
and attending himself, AKnightofNi

Hopefully tomorrow, the first event will start!

Eli is no longer with us...sadly he was sold to another team...I can send someone else...Travis "John Philip" Sousa can come since he's hurt, he'll need some "medicine".

[The Afoci]

Originally posted by Qwikshot
Eli is no longer with us...sadly he was sold to another team...I can send someone else...Travis "John Philip" Sousa can come since he's hurt, he'll need some "medicine".

I will be picking up some "medicine" after work for him. :D

[sterlingice]

Originally posted by The Afoci
I will be picking up some "medicine" after work for him. :D

Hey! That's not glaucoma ;)

SI

[The Afoci]

The First Events Start!

The First Event at the PreVictory Party II: This time we will score a goal! is the initial meet and greet of some early "special guests".

"You better guard your daughters or they will be" Les "their" Cherry"s" has already handed out the "gift basket" to SterlingIce's Tim "Shiver me" Kimber"s" and Mick "I am as pretty as Melissa" Starks and NevStar's "Crazy" Earl Freedom and "Not Quite As Crazy" Bogdan "I think this is similar to the unabomers last name so don't open my Christmas Cards" Kozuchowski. After opening the basket and seeing the contents, they all hurried to the secret hideout not so far from the New Fighting Crawfish Arena. After making sure no one would get glaucoma and many questions on what to do with a can of Jif, The Afoci addressed the few "special guests" he had selected for this secret meeting.

"I have selected you four to be here a day early for" starts The Afoci "for one reason, and that reason is this. You four are to return to the Hattrick world and reveal to the masses what I am about to show you. This is the result of many years of hard labor on my part and those of the three midgets and donkey from the Three Midgets and a Donkey Sexual Fantasy Camp for those with a Three Midget and a Donkey Fantasy. They are amazingly fun people and animals. The bonus is also that to midgets, I look huge. Well, at least bigger than usual. But I am going off topic here. What you are about to see is going to propel the Crawfish to the top of Hattrick and more importantly, World Domination."

The Afoci then walks to the incredible large "anti-glaucoma" device that is over seven feet tall and an odd tint of red glass.

"Behind this door is the most dangerous thing the world has ever seen" he continues, "You better guard your daughters or they will be" Les "their" Cherry"s", Please open the door!"

As he opens the door the room gasps in excitment and then screams in fear. What they saw was perhaps the most terrifying thing a man could see. It was perhaps the thing they expected to see the least but should have expected the most. It was none other than....

DataKing's star winger and someone who is already familiar with the Crawfish, Ben "Ed" McMahon and Chavez "the dope finding" Dog along with one can of half eaten Jif.

"What the hell?" says The Afoci?

"Ummm..." starts Ben "Ed" McMahon "well, it all started when owner Dataking told me about his "Screaming Seaman" birthday present you gave him!"

"Well, I suppose" said The Afoci.

"Well anyway" resumes Ben "Ed" McMahon "He enjoyed his present so thoroughly that he attempted to repeat the process, but to no avail. He sent me back to see what he did wrong. Well as it turns out, all he did wrong was instead of Jif, he used Jelly and instead of a Dog it was prison inmate. He has been ordering Tossed Salad's alot more though recently. Anyway, I got a game to get to, so see ya later."

And with that, he was gone. Stunned, SterlingIce's Tim "Shiver me" Kimber"s" and Mick "I am as pretty as Melissa" Starks and NevStar's "Crazy" Earl Freedom and "Not Quite As Crazy" Bogdan "I think this is similar to the unabomers last name so don't open my Christmas Cards" Kozuchowski looked at each other and then to The Afoci.

"Ah, screw it!" The Afoci says, "Lets Party!"

Tim "Shiver me" Kimber"s" put on a stunning display of grace and athleticism by doing repeated keg stands. He did however end the night by sleeping with a janitor. Sadly, his name was, well, to protect him, we won't say his name.

What happened to Mick "I am as pretty as Melissa" Starks is not a happy story, similiar to so many that come from here. He got into a fight with "Crazy" Earl Freedom about who was prettier, Janet Reno or The Ugly Lady from the Goonies. That is when Mick "I am as pretty as Melissa" Starks said obviously Janet Reno and that was followed by "Crazy" Earl Freedom saying "What did you say about my momma?" At that point it was reveal that "Crazy" Earl Freedom was actually the fat kid from the Goonies and his mother was the Ugly Lady from the Goonies. The fighting carried out into the street and no one is quite sure how it ended.

"Not Quite As Crazy" Bogdan "I think this is similar to the unabomers last name so don't open my Christmas Cards" Kozuchowski spent most of the night trying to ensure he wouldn't get glaucoma and typing his masterpiece on why the internet has corrupted the kids and porn. His claims are mainly that he was forced to look through dumpsters and scrambled tv stations for porn when kids nowadays get it everywhere. It was rather said too. He ended the night by attempting to give away his sunglasses and hat from a famous sketch someone once drew of him that is more familiar than the Mona Lisa. No one accepted.

But pehaps the weirdest thing of the night came when Raven Hawk's Lindsey "Please don't confuse me as a girl" Bentley and Costan Cinca "da mayo". Costan Cinca "da mayo" enjoyed numerous drinks and hooked himself up with one of the finest farm animals the world has ever seen. Those latinos are some crazy lovers. But the real tragedy came, and I mean came late. Really late. After Lindsey "Please don't confuse me as a girl" Bentley was very intoxicated and very high, he met up with resident stud, "You better guard your daughters or they will be" Les "their" Cherry"s". After finding out his name was Lindsey, he assumed he was a she and the beast with two backs turned into the beast with two backs and one man that screams in pain and agony and one who later runs and hides from embarassment. You can figure out the rest on your own as. Time for me to go hit the peace pipe and prepare for tonights matches.

[Poli]

Did any of my guys make the first party?

[The Afoci]

Originally posted by ardent enthusiast
Did any of my guys make the first party?

Nope, but if you want any to come, just post a list. Please try to limit it to two. Hopefully I will be able to work them in by the end of the week.

[The Afoci]

875 spectators had come to Fighting Crawfish Arena this cloudy day after stumbling out of the pre-victory party. Fighting had chosen a strategic 3-5-2 formation. The following players had been chosen: Denney - Lyon, Cherry, Randolph - Parsons, Woodson, Mikula, Carney, Uddstad - Meldi, Alonso.

ballers started off with a 3-5-2 lineup. They fielded: Hitchcock - Raunkjær, Lindhlius, Niemi - Clinton, Skals, Granheim, Serbãnescu, Lon-Ban - Myrgård, Beach.

In the 3rd minute Rafael Maria Meldi surprised the opponents with a 40 metre pass to Juan Luis Alonso who quite easily could settle the score to 1 - 0. 5 minutes into the game ballers´s Vincent Lindhlius found a gap in the home sides central defense scoring with a long shot, making it 1 - 1. After several obvious shirt pulling incidents, ballers´s Eivind Granheim got himself a Crawfish attached to his sack! Rafael Maria Meldi gave his Fighting the lead with 2 - 1, as he successfully challenged both the guests central defenders to a game of checkers, then placed the ball unreachably at the goaltenders right post after getting 3 kings! A penalty in the 31st minute gave the home side a chance at adding to the score, but a drunken Rafael Maria Meldi shot the ball wide, in an effort to put it away in the top corner. After several obvious shirt pulling incidents, Fighting´s Dan Woodson was able to strip the cheerleader of her shirt. A fine move! The home side´s Juan Luis Alonso came close to extending the lead in the 38:th minute. His shot came in off the right hand side but Keith Hitchcock managed saving with a fingernail. The teams went for a half-time break at 2 - 1. The fortyfive minutes were dominated by Fighting, with an impressive 64 shots of everclear taken on the field!

Visitors Martin Beach was alert on a play coming in from the left, making the score a tie at 2 - 2 in the 50:th minute. Fighting made a bid to take the lead as a ball coming in from the right hand side left Dan Woodson completely alone with keeper Keith Hitchcock, who made a spectacular block. Juan Luis Alonso gave his Fighting the lead with 3 - 2, as he successfully challenged both the guests central defenders to a game of put the Crawfish on the sack, then placed the ball unreachably at the goaltenders right post after easily placing two Crawfish on thier sacks! After several obvious shirt pulling incidents, Fighting´s Lars-Olof "Chris Gaines" Uddstad got himself slapped. He lacked the playmaking skills necassary to get the cheerleaders shirts off. Fighting held the ball, with a clear 73 percent possession rate.

Fighting´s best player was Dan Woodson. Juan Luis Alonso was a disappointment, however. ballers´s best player was Jin Lon-Ban. However, Curtis Clinton made a disastrous appearance. The match ends 3 - 2.

Notes

It was a decent game. I have decided that Rafael Maria Meldi will start at forward instead of Matt Scroggins who has struggled as of late.

The Party continues

Rumors are swirling about the appearance of local hero and fan favorite, Hornsmaniac_2 tomorrow. He has been training the boys in playmaking and we are hoping for some cocky and funny results!

[Marmel]

A second party?

I am still wandering around the Crawfish complex with a mostly empty bottle of Vodka, and a mostly empty jar of Jif, from the FIRST party.

When did that sucker end?

[The Afoci]

Technically the party never ended. But for commercial reasons we renamed it so everyone would have to buy new T-shirts.

On a side note, I have a feeling that your departure from hattrick may be brought up in tomorrows party update....:)

[Marmel]

My departure? I inherited a team from a long lost uncle. Met with the players for no more than 15 minutes (yeah, I really gave the game a chance) and sold the team off!

You soccer geeks make me mad. ;)

[Marmel]

dola....

T-Shirts????

Why do I miss out on everything cool. I heard the legendary Hornsmaniac_2 was at this first party. Where the hell was I? *looking down at empty Jif jar* Oh, nevermind.....

[The Afoci]

Well you will see my perspective of how you left your squad tomorrow. ;)

I will make sure you get your T-shirt from both parties soon... and another can of Jif too!

Chaves "the dope finding" Dog has been commenting on how nicely shaven you have been as of late. He really likes that. Some people don't have that kind of courtesy *cough* Dataking *cough*. And to think it was a birthday present.

[Nyarlahotep]

On a related note Arkham today began selling tee shirts with a picture of Chaves "the dope finding" Dog and the slogan "Yo quiero Jiff".

[thealmighty]

Nyarlahotep, be careful with that "Yo quiero..." stuff as Taco Bell just lost a lawsuit over the whole chihuahua commercial campaign.

[Nyarlahotep]

That was what inspired my post.

[The Afoci]

The Truth Behind Marmel

As the party continued to rage on, The Afoci stumbled drunkenly into the secret hideout not so far from The New Fighting Crawfish Arena. Having to pee so ungodly bad, he fights his way into the bathroom to find Marmel. After peeing, missing him mostly, The Afoci and Marmel begin to speak.

"When is the game?" asks Marmel "I think you have a good chance to beat the Cheesecake at home. I want to cheer you on!"

"Umm..." says The Afoci "We lost the game already, that was 5 weeks ago."

"Damn" replies Marmel "That sucks. Hey, I am out of vodka. Lets go get some more..."

They both stumble up and walk towards the bar area of the secret hideout. Marmel grabs another 1.75L of his favorite vodka as The Afoci loads the anti-glaucoma machine with a bright green leafy substance. After taking a few puffs along with a few drinks, they get back to talking.

"So how’s the squad been playing recently?" asked Marmel.

"Pretty good, we won 3, tied 1 and this week is our match of the season!" says The Afoci "How is your team doing?"

"What?" says Marmel "That is real!?!"

"Yeah" says The Afoci "You own a soccer team!"

"Damn" says Marmel "I have been high too long, I thought I imagined that. Am I gay? Soccer is gay? Why am I gay?"

"You aren't gay?" says The Afoci "Chavez "the dope finding" Dog says your cleanly shaven and only put the finest Jif peanut butter."

"How does that prove that I am not gay?" asks Marmel.

"I don't know?" says The Afoci "I just don't know..."

Marmel begins to cry.

"Don't cry Marmel" says The Afoci putting his arm around him. "I don't think your gay."

"I'm not crying about that." says Marmel "I ran out of peanut butter!"

"Thats okay" says The Afoci "We have more. But your team, what will happen with them?"

"I will sell them for peanut butter and then forever be a supporter of the Crawfish!" says Marmel "Allow me to be a general in the army of the Crawfish!"

"Umm..." says The Afoci "Sure..."

The Afoci sits wondering what to do with Marmel now as he has no army of Crawfish yet.

"How about you can be assistant coach?" asks The Afoci.

"I don't know anything about soccer, though" says Marmel.

"Either do I" says The Afoci.

"Okay then" says Marmel.

So it was set, on Friday 6, 2003, Marmel forever joined the Fighting Crawfish as an assistant coach and future general of the army of Crawfish!

[Marmel]

WOOHOO! Can I make the players run laps? I like that. :)

[The Afoci]

The party rolls on....

First in is mckerney's Art Frazier and Kalle "Waste of $15000 even though he's valued more than six times that" Trandahl. They were followed in by Aesyrqwe's David Dewitt and Jerald Obrien. Next came robbgmaier's Oriol "double stuff" Villaver and Elijah "the prophet" Dupree. The place was getting crowded as Qwikshot's Travis "John Philip" Sousa, Havok's Vlad "The Impaler" Nutiu, AKnightofNi, and illinfan999's Richard Mcgowan. All these people enter the party, grab some beverages, attempt to cure glaucoma and start to hear a buzz in the background. The tension in the place builds to a feverish pace. Ladies panties are starting to litter the grounds. Men are putting lub down their ass cracks just in case. What could all this mean....
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Mean sounding 80's guitar riff
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Another mean sounding 80's guitar riff
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Yet another mean sounding 80's guitar riff
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The lights on the stage start flashing and people start to converge on the stage
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POUR SOME SUGAR ON LOVE, mumble mumble mumble mumble mumble mumble, YEAH, POUR SOME SUGAR ON LOVE

As the lyrics to a song sung by a hearing impart big cat blare out the speaker, the crowd realizes what is about to happen. They are about to witness the greatness of a legend so legendary that legends are now made because of it. The smell of horrible cologne, the glimmer of gold chains, the sight of zubaz's, the finest avaitor glasses ever, means only one thing!

Hornsmaniac_2!

The crowd errupts into cheers and the song blares out of the speakers. Unsure of the words he mumbles until he screams "POUR SOME SUGAR ON ME!".

"Okay, thank you, thank you" starts Hornsmaniac_2 "Quiet down folks."

The crowd quiets, anticipating what he is about to enlighten them on!

"Many of you have followed my time tested techniques to getting more shemale tail" he starts. "Many of you are no much cockier and much funnier because of my teachings. I also notice some of you have picked up some techniques from my last book, because I see alot of guys ready with the lub already in the crack. No more suprises. Being on the wrong end of a shemale/male relationship with out lube is a mistake you only make once, and I am glad you have all learned from my mistakes! But I am here to announce that this week is perhaps the greatest week I have ever had while working with the Crawfish. We had numerous people take my teachings and brought themselves to a new playmaking level. Let me introduce the 2 newest "solid" playmakers!"

Cheers from the crowd errupt as [b]Enrico Jimeno and Teddy Carney step up to the stage.

"Enrico Jimeno has been one that has been in the program a while, since the start and has followed everything to a letter" says Hornsmaniac_2. "Its finally paid off as you are solid. Teddy "I used to be a" Carney on the other hand just came up from the youth squad. In only one week, he achieved the highest level of playmaking a Crawfish has ever achieved. Lets give them a hand!"

As the cheers roared through the place a small light could be seen from the sky. It was heading towards the crowd. As it drew closer, it became more and more obvious who and what it was. It was none other than Crawfish legend, "You better guard your daughters or they will be" Les "thier "Cherry"s" and a special female friend who just joined the mile high club with him well skydiving and also joined the herpes club. She was more happy about the first than the second, but you take the good with the bad.

"I may only be a weak playmaker" says "You better guard your daughters or they will be" Les "thier "Cherry"s", "But when I infect you with my love, you will feel the pain. And so do our oppents. Here is to scoring a goal on the Cheesecake!"

The crowd screams and the party resumes. They party into the night and early morning.

After stumbling to the bus and prepare for a match of the season against the toughest team to ever be in V77.

God Speed Crawfish, God Speed...

[Poli]

Originally posted by The Afoci
Nope, but if you want any to come, just post a list. Please try to limit it to two. Hopefully I will be able to work them in by the end of the week.

Jerome Bettis, followed by Dave Sumner. No magic kool-aid.

[The Afoci]

Give me some Cheesecake, Baby!

Weather conditions were fairly good for football, and FC Cheesecake Arena saw a crowd turnout of 20000. Cheesecake had chosen a strategic 3-5-2 formation. They fielded: Buckley - Sanford, Littlefield, Günzel - Schroeder, From Nielsen, Thomes, Preda, Fraza - Hartbom, de Geus.

Fighting tactics involved an interesting 3-5-2 combination. They fielded: Holt - Lyon, de Oliveira, Simic - Hager, Danielsson, Kline, Woodson, Rossi - Rannem , Meldi.

Guido Günzel behaved like an inexperienced youth player in the 6:th minute as he gave the ball away to an opponent. Lucky for him though, there was no goal as many Crawfish players appeared more interested in snacking than playing. A badly positioned defensive formation on a free kick in the 19:th minute led to Fighting´s Ivar "Why can't my name be Ivan" Rannem giving the visitors the lead 0 - 1. Fighting´s Ivar "Why can't my name be Ivan" Rannem received a play slashing through the home side´s defense like a dogs tongue through Jif Peanut Butter in the 22nd minute, chipping it past the keeper scoring 0 - 2. The home crowd was not pleased with that one as he did naked cartwheels to celebrate revealing open sores. The structure of the game started to change as Fighting decided to pull back and meet their opponents in the defensive zone mainly because they were to drunk to run most of the field. Fighting increased the lead to 0 - 3 as Ivar "Why can't my name be Ivan" Rannem scored from the penalty spot, putting the ball in near the top left corner. By then Ivar "Why can't my name be Ivan" Rannem was a three time scorer - a hat trick! 0 - 3 was the half-time score. Fighting, bringing the final ball possession rate to 51 percent, dominated the battle.

After the ball got lifted in from the left Rafael Maria Meldi was on his own in the home side´s penalty area 52 minutes into the game, and should have scored, but missed, probably due the twinkies he was carrying on the field. Man, what a shot by Rafael Maria Meldi! Firing from 35 yards he didn't give the enemy goalie a chance and it was 0 - 4. No one team arose to dominate this half, ending in a deadlock and lots of Crawfish on their sacks.

The most dominating Cheesecake player was without a doubt Wade Buckley. However, Leontin Preda made a disastrous appearance. Most important Fighting player was Tommy Holt. Mike Hager was a disappointment, however. The match ends 0 - 4.

Notes

Marmel first game as an assistant coach was the biggest victory in Crawfish history. Youth Pull Mike Hager who is 18 and passable stamina and playmaking played as a winger towards the middle because of Chris Gaines card suspention.

This victory is bittersweet though as Cheesecake drop out of autopromotion for this week. Hopefully they do promote and get out of here. For this game they had 2 injuries, one was a 3 1/2 star middie. One hope though is that I win out, The Orcs beat the Cheesecake in week 13 and I promote. Who knows though?

[Marmel]

It is those extra laps I made them run. They were in better physical shape.

Can you help me with this glaucoma.

What is a promotion? Is the season over? I was planning on vacationing in Georgia, I hear they have peanut farms, and peanuts are needed to make peanut butter, and peanut butter is smooth and creamy.

[The Afoci]

Just a small hattrick update. The site is down now, but I won 3-0. My youth pull sucked ass and has yet to be tortured...:)

I was able to check some stuff this morning and it is looking scary. The Orcs, a team which I believe daytrades, has finally caught on to the whole midfield thing and abandoned his defense and offense kick. He went from putting up a poor midfield as his best to an inadequate. Now with me beating the Cheesecake and being only 2 points behind them, with only easy games remaining and the Orcs and Cheesecake at the Orcs place in 2 weeks, there is a small chance I could win the division. At first I didn't want this, but seeing how it is getting tougher in this division, I have come to the conclusion I would rather be beat in DIV the DV. Go Crawfish...

When the party bus comes back to Fargo after a short trip to pick up some Canadian glaucoma medication, the saga will continue...

[The Afoci]

A Tragedy...

My latest Youth Pull killed himself late last night. He had heard rumors of what may be done to him and he decide this would be easiest. Don't worry, I won't let it happen again...

A boy, his hand, an unopened condom, anti-glaucoma medication, and at home pregnancy test...

As the boy named Jesus was stealing hub caps from local cars, there was one boy who wasn't. His name was The Afoci. He was an ackward boy of 17. His room didn't have the posters of Baywatch babes or ladies at all. It had many of Crawfish though, with odd sketches of Laser Blasters instead of Claws.

The Afoci was aroused by thoughts of power and ladies throwing themselves at him as he was flanked by guards of Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws. As it is now said, he would get mad ass, ass like boy bands only it would be female ass. Moving on, The Afoci saw the box of unopened condoms that was a birthday present from his grandma, because she didn't want some little slut to make her a great-grandma, it was tough enough being just a regular grandma. He decided now was not the time to use them. He looked to the bag of green leafed medication that would ensure he didn't have any eye illnesses for many years, and grabbed it. After using what could be described as a chemistry experiment gone completely wrong, he lying face down loving his right hand as no women he hadn't paid had loved him before.

As any man knows, disposal of DNA can be a tricky thing to do, and he felt that his protein intake for the day was fine and he couldn't think of what to do with this goo that had now appeared on his hand.

The Afoci looked down at what could have been his children and wondered it they were decieved and pissed at his deception. They were created for the purpose of procreation and now he had spoiled what chance they had. The Afoci thought that perhaps on a toiled seat they could have a chance, but explaining that to his mother that these girls he was trying to get to pee on the toiled was strickly for procreation would be difficult, nearly as difficult as convincing her to use a bucket out of fear of creating a half brother/son man/boy beast. He decide against it, but did want to see one thing. But as The Afoci tried to do this, his mother was heard coming up the stairs and he turned to find someway to dispose of the mess of him and struck his hand on a dresser.

The Afoci screamed out in pain as he had cut his hand right below the mess of goo and some had leaked into the wound causing a burning sensation similiar to that he had after the time he paid for sex.

Now destiny works in funny ways, because his mother wasn't coming up the stairs and no one was coming up the stairs. It was heaven telling him its time. Time to be a father. Now you are probably wondering how one can become a father with himself, let me explain...

The Afoci was able to clean his wound and clean the goo from his hand when he discovered that he had indeed done what he hadn't tried to do. His hand swelled in a fashion similiar to that of those who are carrying a baby. But a baby what you may ask. A baby finger. He was about to become a six fingered freak or and 11 fingered freak or a 9 finger, 2 thumb freak depending on how you look at it. But a freak none the less. Now being The Afoci is against abortion, why waste someone you could test Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws on, he figured he would carry it to term. Plus the thoughts of an extra finger lead to many interesting love options. Perhaps he would be able to do things with an extra finger that his hand can't even concieve yet. But it had concieved a new finger.

After 10 minutes and no birth, The Afoci became very anxious. He went and purchased and at home pregnancy test. He tried the first one in the bathroom at the gas station, but being an at home pregnancy test caused the first one to be a waste. He bought another and went home. After pissing on his hand and the test in one good shot, he found out he wasn't pregnant with is finger.

The Afoci sad, yet relieved decided that he must move on. He would have many more chances to have an extra finger and enhance his boy to hand relationship. Using hand puppets as roleplay items was something he would develop and use to excess in his lifetime. But never again would this boy feel so close to adding to himself...

He still wakes up some mornings and sees an extra finger, only to see it disappear as soon as it appeared. He even finds himself checking to see if he missed it after an exceptionally good boy to hand love session. He has yet to find it...But he keeps looking as hard as he keeps searching for the secret of Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws...

[Marmel]

Ummmm.....after reading that one, I am considering resigning my post. :(

[The Afoci]

The Crawfish don't play well with others...

A week after the evil North County Raiders slip by with a 5-1 heartpounding affair, the Crawfish friendly/party squad loses again 4-0. Hopefully the offseason stamina training which is ironicy done by Marmel. I say ironically because he could use some work on his stamina according to Chavez "the dope finding" Dog. And as Andy Dick says in Old School, that is now why Chavez "the dope finding" Dog has a lazy eye.

The Sun Over Fargo

With the sun rising over Fargo and The New Fighting Crawfish Arena, the men approach the playing field. Coach is already out there with Number Two and new assistant coach and head of the Peanut Butter distribution portion of Crawfish Enterprises, INC, Marmel. The team can sense that the attitudes have changed around here. Especially since beating the Cheesecake. To go with that, The Orcs, have finally started to develop a midfield and have go inadequate ones 2 games in a row. If they are able to beat the Cheesecake at their place in two weeks, the unimaginable could happen. The Fighting Crawfish could be in division IV. This would definately be a year too soon, but the team is excited about the possiblity.

The new young midfielders are practicing some playmaking drills on the newly bought blowup dolls when The Afoci calls Marmel, Coach and Number Two over.

"As you all know" starts The Afoci "We are facing one of the biggest chances that the Fighting Crawfish have ever had. We could actually move up. This would mean more funding towards projects that currently aren't recieving the funding necassary for advancement in it. But either way, I have started a topsecret project that I want to inform you all about. Marmel."

"Yeah" he replies.

"I am going to give you the lead position on this new project" The Afoci continues. "You will have to guide them and watch to make sure nothing goes wrong. What I am proposing is the first offensive phase in the battle to take over the world with Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws. By the end of next season, whether we are already in DIV or about to promote, the world will know of the Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws and they will fear them. My life long dream is nearing completion and with its creation, the offensive will begin."

The Afoci continues to tell them about his idea of the Year of the Crawish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws and that they are nearly complete with the first fully functional Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws. He tells them about a top secret mission that they will be carrying out today. They are going to invade a rural location and test out the capabilities of the test Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws. They will each have 4 Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws and will have to overcome 4 different, but equally challenging tests set up by The Afoci's top military advisors, the drunk bum who is 28 who claims to be a WWII vet.

Let the battle begin

With the sun at there backs, The Afoci, Marmel, Coach and Number Two walk over a hill flanked by the most beautiful sight in the world, Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws. These massive beasts are each 6 inches tall and walk nearly upright. Two things that Coach wishes he had. The mission was simple, get to the farm house. Once there, secure it, handle the "locals" and begin the process of propaganda that would cause them to fall in love with the idea of following The Afoci and his Army of Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws. Coach was to go first. His mission the easiest, but one of the most important. He was to scan the surronding area to ensure their were no reserves waiting to sneak attack and to ensure that the main attack force could focus on the house.

"Men..." starts Coach "Urrr, um, I mean Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws, move out."

The travel down the hill and begin to approach the woods to the east.

The Afoci has now lost visually contact and tries the radio.

"This is Grand Master of Funk and Fury" says The Afoci, "Status update?"

"This is Mr. Bagel" says Coach "All clear, about 50 yards from the trees."

The radio goes silent. But only for a moment. "INCOMING!!!!!!" screams Coach into the radio as the remaining three now look around "We got Black Birds, at least 50 of them coming right for us. ARM YOUR LASERS BOYS, GIVE THEM HELL!!!!"

The sounds of Laser Blasts can be heard and seen in the distance. "I am hit, I repeat, I am hit, Mr Bagel has been wounded!" screams Coach "One of the Black Bird Bombers got me on the head and I have been shot in the ass by a Laser. It is very painful, but I am okay. We lost one Crawfish to a malfunction and one to me stepping on it after it shot me in the ass. But the black birds have been defeated and retreated away. All clear here, proceed with caution boys, Mr Bagel out.

The Afoci addresses the other two and tells them to clear their minds of what has just happened and to stay focused on the goal. Number Two was up next, his mission was to focus on the barn and do some recon on the house from his new found position.

As he started, flanked by 2 Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws on each side of him, he approached the barn. Again as he went out of sight, The Afoci called for a status update. "All clear here" says Number Two "Mr. Stinky Finger out."

A few more minutes pass and The Afoci calls for another update. "I am just about done interrogating this donkey, I don't think he knows anything" says Number Two "Even the Mr. Stinky Finger finger of death didn't do anything to break his silence."

After the all clear is given, Marmel heads out and is to get to the house and wait outside. He is to inspect all perimeter defenses and insure that the only threat that remains is in the house. As he approached the house, Marmel say the sign he had hoped to see the entire mission. BEWARE OF DOG!. A feisty one, he liked them feisty. He checked his pocket and the peanut butter packet was secure.

"Captain I do it the really doggie style because it involves dogs not humans, status report?" asks The Afoci.

"All clear so far" starts Marmel "I think my name be to long, I will work on that for the next mission."

"CRAWFISH DOWN, CRAWFISH DOWN, WE ARE UNDER ATTACK!!!!!" screams Marmel as the radio is dropped and all you can hear is him screaming commands and the blasts distinctively from Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws.

The Afoci begins to run to the house and calls in the others to support the attack on the house. By the time he arrives, it is a grim scene. Number Two forgot to pull his pants up and tripped coming out of the barn and knocked himself out. Coach too injured from taking one in the ass, was too far out to lend any support, so The Afoci knew it was up to him, and only him to save Marmel. He ready his men and lead the charge around the house and towards Marmel's last known position. All he say was the bodies of Marmel's 4 fallen soldiers. He knew what had happened and he was the only one that could remedy the situation. Marmel had been captured. He was being held in the house and he had to force them out. The Afoci found the entrance to the house and sent in 2 Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws to scout the place out. Within minutes the sounds of Laser Blasts could be heard and then they went silent.

What had happened? Where the dead? Did they defeat who ever was holding Marmel?

The tension was building in The Afoci. He then charges into the house to discover his two Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws guarding the room Marmel is being held in. Marmel curled in the corner crying uncontrollably and tuns to The Afoci.

"I was just trying to get some quiet time after we were attacked by a pack of dogs" starts Marmel "I had fought off the first round of attacks with 3 losses and when the turned to come finish us off, we set up in the wounded duck formation and prepared to hold our ground. But as they were only 10 feet away, this wonderful dog scared them away and nearly was able to save my last Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws, but couldn't. Out of gratitude, I offer it some peanut butter and then your thugs killed her. I actually had a female dog!"

The Afoci hugged Marmel and tried to calm him down. They gathered what they had and returned to the top secret hide out not so far from The New Fighting Crawfish Arena. In review, they lost 6 Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws, Marmel lost someone he thought could be the future Mrs. Marmel, Number Two knocked himself out after trying to expose himself to chickens figuring he would "look huge". He was wrong. Coach had bird shit on his face and took one in the ass. Overall, I would say the mission was a success. Keep up the good work boys!

[Marmel]

Originally posted by The Afoci

The Afoci hugged Marmel and tried to calm him down. They gathered what they had and returned to the top secret hide out not so far from The New Fighting Crawfish Arena. In review, they lost 6 Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws, Marmel lost someone he thought could be the future Mrs. Marmel, Number Two knocked himself out after trying to expose himself to chickens figuring he would "look huge". He was wrong. Coach had bird shit on his face and took one in the ass. Overall, I would say the mission was a success. Keep up the good work boys!


Cannot stop laughing.

[The Afoci]

Just an update, there is now a poll on what you would like to have more of in the dynasty. It is in the dynasty poll forum. Vote early and often!

[The Afoci]

Small training update, no bumps and decent form.

[The Afoci]

Welcome the newest Crawfish

Here is my most recent Youth Pull. Let me tell you, I have nothing but love for my Youth Squad as of late. Lets hope some of this luck continues into early next season so I can make some serious cash and fund my drive to conquer the World!!!! Or just promote?

Taylor Singletary
17 years, passable form, healthy

A pleasant guy who is balanced and upright.
Has disastrous experience and inadequate leadership abilities.

Nationality: USA
Assessed value: 77 000 US$
Wage: 860 US$/week
Owner: Fighting Crawfish
Warnings: 0


Stamina: inadequate Goaltending: disastrous
Playmaking: passable Passing: weak
Winger: inadequate Defending: weak
Scoring: weak Set Pieces: disastrous

He will play my winger towards the middle slot in the upcoming game.

Vienna AC

A scorching day at DIRTWEARMALL.COM Arena, where 21000 spectators were in place for today´s match. Coyotes had chosen a strategic 4-4-2 formation. Lineup: Culver - Mcguire, Madden, Säflius, Collins - Nilsson, Davis, Bagwell, Bech Jensen - Tait, Wilburn.

Fighting had chosen a strategic 3-5-2 formation. The following players had been chosen: Holt - Lyon, de Oliveira, Simic - Uddstad, Danielsson, Kline, Woodson, Singletary - Rannem , Darden.

Some beautiful plays on the left side of the field resulted in a 16:th minute goal by Dean Wilburn for Coyotes, putting them ahead 1 - 0. Coyotes put themselves up 2 - 0 when Dean Wilburn broke through on the right, leaving the entire defensive box behind him. Coyotes put themselves up 3 - 0 when Dean Wilburn broke through on the right, leaving the entire defensive box behind him. By then Dean Wilburn was a three time scorer - a hat trick! Coyotes put themselves up 4 - 0 when James Tait broke through on the right, leaving the entire defensive box behind him. After this Coyotes lowered the tempo in order to concentrate on their defensive efforts. Also featured in this minute was the Fighting Crawfish taking the field. In the 27:th minute Coyotess Russell Mcguire received a yellow card for going into a challenge studs first. The teams went for a half-time break at 4 - 0. The fortyfive minutes were dominated by Coyotes, with an impressive 51 percent possession of the ball.

A bit later Fighting´s Ivar "Why can't my name be Ivan" Rannem easily reduced to 4 - 1 after a misunderstanding in the home sides central defense line when they discovered they all had Crawfish attached to their sacks! With 60 minutes played Long Bagwell could have brought this one home for Coyotes, had his hooked ball gone in, but it went just a bit too high. After 60 minutes Coyotes´s Long Bagwell contracted a STD, but could finish the game. A bit later Fighting´s [b]Ivar "Why can't my name be Ivan" Rannem[/b[ easily reduced to 4 - 2 after a misunderstanding in the home sides central defense line. Russell Mcguire of Coyotes got sent off for kicking the ball after the whistle, a completely uncalled for move, earning him his second yellow card of the game. Dean Wilburn should probably have put his team up another goal in the 78:th minute, but some great goaltending by Tommy Holt kept the visitors in the game. The fortyfive minutes were dominated by Coyotes, with an impressive 53 percent possession of the ball.

Most important Coyotes player was Bennie Madden. Alfred Culver was a disappointment, however. Most important Fighting player was João Fernando de Oliveira. Dragan Simic was a disappointment, however. The match ends 4 - 2.

The Wrap Up!

What the hell just happened? I am assuming that I got MOTS. I have no idea why they would do that, they wouldn't help themselves much with a victory and a loss didn't do much either. My team spirit is still crappy after my MOTS, so maybe they played normal and had a good game. They do have the biggest game of their season this week as they are tied with the 4th place team, but down on goal diff. Anyway, this ends any hope I had at promotion and now I am hoping for a Cheesecake over Orcs victory this week. Get the Cheesecake out of here and I will deal with the Orcs next season.

Tell me what you want!

Just to update, my poll on what people want to see out of this dynasty hasn't got alot of feedback. It could mean you are all bored of me, scared of me, or just don't care anymore. Or you just don't look at the dynasty poll section. Anyway, this was prompted by my manager telling me that I jump around too much and have gotten too far away from hattrick. So if you have any suggestions on what I should do, you can post them there or here. Just tell me what you think the best parts are, and I will try to stick closer to those.

[The Afoci]

The Afoci was seen walking around the complex confused today. One thing was from the previous nights friendly. A 3-3 tie in which The Fighting Crawfish dominated possession and had a weak midfield compared to a disasterous one. Another thing that confused him was the fact tha Coach had yet to remove the bird droppings from his face. He keeps insisting he is saving it for later.

The complex has been extremely busy since the first successful tests of Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws. The armies are being assembled. The battle plans are being finalized. The peanut butter is being stockpiled. Soon, oh yes, soon, the world will know the power of Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws.

The rumors amongst the men is that the plan will go into affect shortly after the start of the next season. They will be one year older, one year stronger, and one year closer to death. So who cares if they die early, they were dying anyway.

Marmel and The Afoci are walking out of the Secret Hideout not so far from the New Fighting Crawfish Arena. They are laughing. But what about? What is so funny to both Marmel and The Afoci? What would make the leaders of the army of Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws laugh out loud? Could it be a secret plan to take over the world involving Crawfish with Laser Blaster instead of Claws that would make them laugh? I doubt it. But soon we will all know. Soon, we will know what makes them laugh...

[Marmel]

*Walking with The Afoci*

"Have you heard the one about the Jew, the Italian, and the Crawfish yet?"

*both begin laughing*

[The Afoci]

Damn, that kind of kills the suspense that I was trying to build. But yeah, great joke!

[Poli]

You should send me more updates via email. I can't get in here all the time. That's the only suggestion I have.

Well, that, and if you'd kindly remove this crawfish from my...well, just remove it please.

Also, I've had enough peanut butter. Please quit sending it to me daily. I get the point!

[The Afoci]

Originally posted by ardent enthusiast
You should send me more updates via email. I can't get in here all the time. That's the only suggestion I have.

Well, that, and if you'd kindly remove this crawfish from my...well, just remove it please.

Also, I've had enough peanut butter. Please quit sending it to me daily. I get the point!

I will email you every update. Sorry about the peanut butter, but Chavez has a thing for sailors. Nothing I can do about that.

[Poli]

Perfect. But you forgot about the peanut butter.

[The Afoci]

I am really busy at work, so just some quick updates.

I really hate that I beat the Cheesecake a couple of weeks ago. Why you may ask? Well, I MOTS them and my team spirit has been crap. That with some horrible starter form which I overlooked has lead to two losses in a row to crappy teams. I have third locked up, but had I won these last two matches, plus beat the Cheesecake, I would now be in first place. Oh well.

My YP was a solid playmaker, inad passing, weak winger. He is 19. He has wretched stamina so he needs training there bad.

On some notes for the future, I plan to train stamina after this week. I will probably do that for 3 weeks. Overall, my teams stamina is very poor. I currently have 8 "true" inner mids. I will keep the 2 19 year old ones through any cup run I have next year then sell them off for some true trainees.

I hope to have my first Excellent playmaker next week.

Also, for all the hattrick experts out there, how much does stamina raise your midfield. The Orcs in my division have gone from a wretched midfield to a passable midfield in the last 5 weeks with out any signifigant purchase there that I can tell. Would it make that big of a difference?

This ends my rambling for this morning. Hopefully I will update the dynasty soon. I will be gone from thursday to thursday for some vacation! Should be fun.

[mckerney]

I should have probably told you before the party, Kalle Trandahl hasn't been on the Square Pegs for quite sometime ago. Despite some high ratings he could never put up more than 1 star, so I passed him on to some other unsuspecting fool for 40k. Profit was made, though if you could find a way to kill him at the party, that'd be great.

[Nyarlahotep]

Didn't the party end weeks ago?

[The Afoci]

Originally posted by Nyarlahotep
Didn't the party end weeks ago?

Those are minor details when it comes to killing...

[Marmel]

There was a party? Why don't I remember it?

[The Afoci]

After yet another friendly loss, The Afoci remained amazingly calm. There was a determined look in his eyes as he called Marmel, Coach and Number Two over to him. He speaks to them for a few moments and they all get a suprised look on their faces. After he was done showing them some magic tricks, he revealed that he will be gone for a week and that control of the team is going to Marmel.

With that, The Afoci grabbed a case of peanut butter and Chavez "The dope finding" Dog and headed down to the depths of the secret hideout not so far from the Fighting Crawfish Arena. As many trucks are around the grounds as the last time the stadium was being expanded. But this time, the stadium isn't being expanded. Many suspect they are there helping construct the amry of Crawfish with Laser Blaster instead of Claws! Only time will tell what will happen...

As the rest of the team headed towards practice, Marmel decided he had other ideas. He grabbed some peanut butter, put on his favorite skirt, the one that Chavez "The dope finding" Dog loves the most, and headed to his room. He couldn't find Chavez "The dope finding" Dog though, then he realized, one whole week with out Chavez "The dope finding" Dog.

"NOOOOO" screams Marmel "I need my puppy loving!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" It could be heard everywhere, and it struck fear into all players who feared that they may be the next to taste the newest brand of Peanut Butter, Peanut Butter la Marmel.

side note

Until next week folks, enjoy! I will be spending time on the North Shore of Lake Superior for one whole week! My B-Day is July 4th and I will be 23, so shoot some fireworks off for me, everyone else does.

[The Afoci]

Screams fill the air on this damp summer night. The noise errupts from the stadium that now provides shadows for the city. Below this massive structure is what the world not much longer have to wait for, but will have wished would have never come.

A man sits outside the stadium, dirty, his clothes torn, with a sign in his hand. No, he isn't asking for money, there is only one thing on this guys mind. The sign simply states, "The end is near....."

Not nearly as eerie as it may seem, the man is nearly showing the fact that this thread is nearing its end as a new one will be created for the upcoming season and the fact that the roads are closed by the stadium as its shiny new 11000 seats are being installed...

What is causing these screams you may ask? Chavez "the dope finding" Dog is teething and Marmel is a glutton for punishment. I think he likes it...