ZFL 2009 Season - Will good things come in 3's for the Margaritas?

[JAG]

What the heck is the ZFL? If you're new to reading the dynasty, check out the link below to learn more about revrew's creation and have a look at its first season:

http://dynamic2.gamespy.com/%7Efof/forums/showthread.php?t=7607

[JAG]

Schlereth’s preseason picks

A wild offseason that saw top starters retiring from their clubs, top rookies looking to play some prominent roles, and the most active offseason of trading since the league’s inception has turned the ZFL on its head. Forget everything you knew about the ZFL last year…except for San Antonio being the class of the league.

Season Predictions:

1. San Antonio 10-1 – The champs have lost one game in the past two years combined. And they still boast the most dominating defense in the league. Could they be the ZFL’s first three-time championship winner?

2. Birmingham 9-2 – The addition of Nymph turned this team into ZFL champions back in 2003. Will adding Thor have the same effect?

3. Little Rock 7-4 – Clearly a team on the rise with some impressive offensive weapons and defensive superstars. Still a couple of players short of challenging the top two teams.

4. Knoxville 6-5 – No team will stop them on offense. But then, they won’t be stopping anyone either.

5. Albuquerque 6-5 – Will Moe really sink this low? How large will that injury to Kearney loom?

6. Milwaukee 6-5 – A disappointing draft means another year without offense for the Muscle Men. But who among ZFL teams can score on them?

7. Portland 5-6 – The Sea Biscuits rebuilt their line with the trade to Fargo, but their choice to go with a youth movement will hurt their bottom line this year. Teams will look forward to finally being able to attack the middle of Portland’s defense following the trade of Colonel Joseph C. McCormick III.

8. Los Angeles 5-6 – RB Dangerfield will have another big year behind one of the top offensive lines in the game, but the defense and passing attack remain mediocre. Losing Toby “Spiderman” McGwire was a big blow to the defense.

9. Chicago 4-7 – Offense will finally have some balance this year, but the run defense remains this team’s Achilles’ heel.

10. Cincinnati 3-8 – Call them the Raiders, as the Chaps boast the only ZFL team with five starters 30+ years old. The addition of Colonel Joseph C. McCormick III will add some talent to a desperate defense, and while the passing game should shine this year, the running game will struggle.

11. El Paso 3-8 – A young team of playmakers on offense and defense, but the foundation and pass defense needs some work

12. Fargo 2-9 – Only a small step for the Fighting Crawfish as they increase their wins by two this year, but the defense from last year was really really bad and still could use some work. However, the arrow for Fargo is finally pointed up and one more positive offseason could lead to a quick turnaround for the team.

[revrew]

(Behind closed doors the future-minded LA GM Revrew snickers..."I could use the 5th overall pick. O yes indeedee. Moo-haha.")

[JAG]

rev: good stuff. :)

ZFL 2009 Schedule


Week
1 LR - PT BH - CN LA - CH KX - MW SA - EP AQ - FG
2 FG - KX LR - LA MW - BH CH - SA PT - CN EP - AQ
3 LR - EP KX - BH CH - PT AQ - CN LA - FG SA - MW
4 PT - AQ FG - EP KX - SA MW - CH BH - LA CN - LR
5 CN - SA EP - CH BH - AQ FG - LR PT - KX MW - LA
6 LA - SA MW - PT FG - CN LR - AQ EP - BH CH - KX
7 AQ - CH CN - MW SA - LR BH - FG LA - PT KX - EP
8 PT - SA MW - FG AQ - LA CN - EP KX - LR BH - CH
9 EP - LA CH - LR CN - KX PT - BH MW - AQ FG - SA
10 LR - BH SA - AQ EP - MW LA - KX CN -CH FG - PT
11 EP - PT AQ - KX CH - FG SA - BH LR - MW LA - CN


Season Highlights

Week 1: A tough early season battle with the high-powered Knoxville offense battling the Muscle Men’s hard-hitting defense and the champs start their season battling El Paso. As San Antonio has sometimes struggled against top quarterbacks, could a shocking upset be in the making for the McGwire-led Buster?

Week 2: Joseph C. McCormick III faces his old mates. How will he fare against Erik Flamebeard of the Neither Here Nor There?

Week 3: Last year the Muscle Men handed the Margaritas their only loss. Will history repeat itself?

Week 4: Fargo and El Paso meet in a matchup of the top two picks of the 2008 draft.

Week 5: The Olympians face the Isotopes in what has annually been a hard-fought battle of offense vs. defense.

Week 6: Chicago’s pass defense has been pretty solid these past few years, but will it hold up against Knoxville? And will Knoxville’s defense hold up against Chicago’s revamped offense? And last year’s Cincinnati – Fargo game was a high-scoring entertaining affair, but this year both teams have added solid defensive pieces in The Jesus and Colonel Joseph C. McCormick III. Will Fargo be able to notch a win this year?

Week 7: Possibly the two teams with the best offensive lines in the league meet when LA and Portland lock horns.

Week 8: Things should be heating up at this point of the season, just in time for a sizzling offensive battle between Little Rock and Knoxville, while the annual game between Portland and San Antonio rages on.

Week 9: It’s yet another great battle of an offensive and defensive squad squaring off in the Milwaukee – Albuquerque match.

Week 10: Bringing up the champs again, with the Margaritas taking on the Isotopes in a rematch from last year’s opener where Sizzlack’s heroics almost did in San Antonio. Will he put the ‘Topes over the top this year?

Week 11: Lots of competitive matches to close out the season. Little Rock – Milwaukee should be something special, the annual Sizzlack – Thumbless shootout, two huge running games meet in Chicago – Fargo, and both El Paso - Portland and LA – Cincinnati should be close games. And to top all that off, perhaps the two most talented teams in the league meet in San Antonio – Birmingham. Will it be to determine a title?

[sachmo71]

Good luck to all! Let's get this part started!

[JeeberD]

I WILL beat the Chaps this year (though I guess I wouldn't really mind getting the second overall pick)...

[Swaggs]

My cuts are submitted.

[digamma]

2009 Knoxville slogan:

If you ain't 'Neckin', you ain't nothin'.

[korme]

35 y/o HB Bubs has retired from the ZFL, a starter since day one for the Chaps, he has been replaced by 28 y/o Seinfeld.

Eh, Steve!, DT, also replaced as a starter in the recent trade, has made plans to retire as well.

[NevStar]

Man, Schlereth gives the 'Topes no love again this year. We'll prove him wrong, though.

[JAG]

All roster cuts are in. Up next is week 1!

[tucker342]

not bad:)

[JAG]

Week 1:

The first meeting in the 2009 ZFL season belongs to two teams moving in opposite directions. The Sea Biscuits finished with the top record in the league last year, but having lost to San Antonio in their game and tying them in the standings gave the Margaritas the title. Rather than fight a futile campaign against them again this year, they decided to give up some key veterans to build towards what they hope is a championship future. For Little Rock, the present was looking awfully good with star QB Johnny Rotten just starting to come into his own as a top QB in the league.

Today’s performance would be a wakeup for the league. On the first play of the game, Johnny Rotten picked out the mismatch he wanted: rookie WR Little Mark Marmel facing Portland’s untested safety Dust Puppy (as a result of trading Black Mage to Fargo). “Flash” Marmel ran a fly route right past Dust Puppy and, facing little pressure from the Portand defensive line, Rotten threw a perfect strike to Marmel. The rookie gathered in the pass and flew to the end zone. Man, is this kid a track star or a football player?! Either way, 7-0 Little Rock on an 80 yard bomb.

Portland’s offense went to work on the Slick Willie defense. With OG Flamebeard working on stout Slick Willie DT Henry Blitzen, RB Lothar Dirtpounder found some room in the middle of the line to run, ripping off runs of 6, 11, and 8 yards. On second and 2, OLB Little Ray came on a run blitz and tackled Dirtpounder in the backfield for a four yard loss. On the ensuing play, the Sea Biscuits decided to cross up Little Rock by running a pass play to new WR Chancellor Yang. Bad move. The receiver ran the wrong route, leading to an easy pick of QB Paddy O for CB Tommy “TNT” Toothpick.

Little Rock went back to work on offense. A few completions to WR Bruce Spinner and a 30 yarder to Little Mark Marmel brought the Slick Willies within striking distance. The next call: draw play to RB Rajah Saleem. With Portland’s star DT Captain Bipto already having busted through the line, Rajah was luckily able to sidestep the tackle and zip through a hole courtesy of two key blocks by OG John Boy Edison and FB Johnny “Kid” Rock on DT Corporal Ziggy and MLB Sectoid Commander. 22 bobbing and weaving yards later, Little Rock was up 14-0.

The rest of the day would not go well for the Portland defense, as they faced the well-balanced Slick Willie offense that could do no wrong. Spinner finished with 7 catches for 110 yards and a score while “Flash” Marmel hauled 4 passes averaging an incredible 40 yards per catch and two TDs. Rajah finished with 117 yards and 3 TDs. And even though Dirtpounder had a great day with 161 yards and 3 TDs, QB Paddy O didn’t fare nearly so well, turning the ball over 3 times (a pick each by S Red Herring and the earlier one by Tommy Toothpick, and a fumble recovery by L.L. Jeeber D.), and getting sacked 3 times (2 by L.L. Jeeber D, 1 by Little Ray). By keeping The Manchild (7 catches, 72 yards) and the Portland passing game in check, Little Rock blasted the Sea Biscuits 42-21.

*****

The Olympians began their 2009 campaign against a vastly different Cincinnati team, which had added an all-pro defensive tackle, a new starting running back, the second overall pick of the 2009 draft starting at OT, and what has appeared in preseason to be a vastly improved aerial attack. Despite these positive additions to the Chaps, they had the misfortune of starting the season against one of the top defensive squads in the ZFL with Pro Bowlers at both defensive end positions, the safety position, studs at defensive tackle, and so on.

It was a painful start to the season for the Chaps. On their first offensive possession, DT Hera blew past OG So and So and tackled Jerry Seinfeld for a 3 yard loss. After the play, So and So moved gingerly for a few steps, then collapsed. Play stopped as trainers rushed onto the field to see what was wrong with the former first overall draft pick. It was determined that he had a groin pull, but since there was no one on the bench capable of replacing him, he had no choice but to tough it out.

As expected following his injury, Cincinnati badly struggled to run the ball. RB Jerry Seinfeld looked rusty in his first prolonged action in a few seasons and he was soon smothered by DTs Hera and Cyclopes. He tried bouncing a few outside, trying to make use of rookie OT The Jorb’s strong blocking, but the rookie tackle got a rough initiation into the ZFL facing DE Another Atlantis and Seinfeld’s outside runs didn’t lead to much positive yardage. The Chaps ended up in too many long third and fourth downs, allowing the Olympian linebackers to drop into coverage and let S Odysseus play centerfield (he ended up with 2 passes defensed and an INT). While QB Mr. Shmallow was able to connect on one long touchdown pass of 38 yards to WR Senor Cardgage who had one-on-one “coverage” by CB Hektor (Hektor was about 10 yards behind Cardgage on the TD pass), for most of the day he was harassed by the Olympian defensive line, which racked up 7 sacks (2 each for Atlantis, Another Atlantis, and Hera, and one for Cyclopes).

On the other side of the ball, Birmingham got the first crack the revamped Chaps defense. Even though new Chaps defender DT Colonel Joseph C. McCormick III definitely made Cincinnati stouter at the point of attack, he had the misfortune of facing one of the league’s best guards in Another Troy. With Another Troy handling the former Military Middle member, the rest of the Chaps defense collapsed against the Olympian attack. The Birmingham ground game 1-2 punch of rookie FB Thor and RB Roman was especially effective, with Thor (23 rushes for 119 yards, 2 TDs) supplying the power and Roman (9 rushes, 40 yards, 1 TD) acting as a change-of-pace back. QB Zeus Reloaded was somewhat inconsistent, completing only 50% of his passes partly due to the pressure supplied by DE’s The Ugly One and Strong Mad, but did manage a play-action 13-yard TD strike to newcomer WR Khan Ogadai. A strong start to the season for Birmingham and unfortunately a familiar one for Cincinnati as the Olympians win 28-7. After the game, Cincinnati team doctors looked at So and So’s groin. Their initial diagnosis was none too positive, but they cautioned against making a rash judgment until they had had a few days to take a closer look at it.

*****

The Margaritas began their quest for a third title against the El Paso Busters. El Paso looked to be improved from this past year with the addition of rookie OLB Eric Kumerow to solidify the defense and WR Sylvester Morris to diversify the passing game. But facing the tough San Antonio defense, would it be enough?

One thing that was immediately apparent in this game was the impressive play of the Buster linebackers. All over the field, MLB Brian Bosworth tracked down HB Mutt and FB Teeny and prevented them from getting any long gains. When he wasn’t near enough to make the play, his partner in crime, rookie OLB Eric Kumerow, was there to cover his tracks. The problem for El Paso was that their defensive line was getting blown off the ball, so even though their linebackers were keeping San Antonio from breaking off any big plays, the Margaritas were never forced to give up on the run.

One of the subplots of the game was QB Dip Diperson’s first start since the 2007 season. Judging by his results today, San Antonio has to be happy with their decision to go with the youngster. Playing without anything resembling a pass rush to aid them, the Buster secondary was exploited by WR’s Primetime (8 catches for 89 yards, 1 TD) and Finlandia The Chilly (6 catches for 112 yards, 1 TD). With FB Teeny and HB Mutt each getting a TD on the ground, San Antonio boasted four separate players scoring TD's on the day.

El Paso’s offense couldn’t keep up. The Busters were able to get some yards in the air behind the strong arm of their QB Dan McGwire, but once the field shrunk near the goaline, the offense couldn’t punch it in. This was, in part, due to a running game that couldn’t accomplish anything with DT’s Aragorn and Sack U clogging up the middle, and MLB Ray Lewis playing his typically strong game. More devestatingly, McGwire had two turnovers within the Margarita five yard line (one a fumble recovery by DE All Pro after a sack, one an INT by S Godzilla Blitz when McGwire tried to force a ball to Sylvester Morris). The defensive pressure was too much for El Paso and they opened their 2009 season with a loss to the 2-time defending champs by a score of 28-0.

(part 2 of week 1 coming later)

[Swaggs]

What a tease!!!

[JeeberD]

Dammit!

I really need to work on my o-line in the offseason.

...and my d-line.

...and my secondary.

Yeesh...

[JAG]

*****

Week 1 (cont.)

Chicago and LA met in a clash between two teams which underwent major changes from last year. Chicago’s offense went from one-sided to balanced after they added an impressive-looking receiver in the draft. LA fielded its first team without DE Toby McGwire in years while playing two rookie defenders and adding a receiver from the Olympians.

This game turned out to be a wild one in which both defenses were clearly overmatched. LA opened up with a strong drive, running behind the strength of their offensive line and the wheels of Rodney Dangerfield, before surprising Chicago with a 14 yard TD strike to Ashton Kucher. Yes, that’s correct…a TD pass from QB Bernie Mac (he admittedly had all day to throw it with Chicago’s ineffective pass rush). Chicago came back in fine style with Mike Marino throwing darts of 22 and 20 yards to WR Joel Tidwell before RB Randy Steele plowed in for a 6 yard TD run. On the run by Steele, Chicago’s FB Josh Hackenstein put a great lead block on MLB Brad Pitt and knocked him out of the play, but he pulled up lame after the TD scored. It looked to be a pulled hamstring, but Hackenstein angrily waved the trainers back when they came out to look at him.

The teams went back and forth the rest of the game. Chicago bracketed coverage on WR Ashton Kucher and QB Bernie Mac struggled for most of the game, showing he had built little chemistry with new WR Hercules, but with Chicago using MLB El Capone in coverage, Rodney Dangerfield had a huge game even by his own standards, rushing for 218 yards and 3 TDs. And despite that performance for ZFL fantasy players who had Dangerfield, the real story came from Chicago’s balanced attack and LA’s punchless defense. Rookie CB Kevin Bacon was toasted repeated by Chicago’s wideouts and Marino’s accurate arm (22-30 for 280 yards and 2 TDs). The defensive ends couldn’t make up the pass rush lost by Toby McGwire’s NFL defection. The run defense couldn’t hold up against the famed wrecking ball attack even with Hackenstein’s injury (130 yards and 3 TDs for Randy Steele). And Chicago held on to win despite Dangerfield’s big day 35-28.

*****

The game between Albuquerque and Fargo was considered by most authorities to be a laugher. The worst defense in the league against one of if not the best offense? Sizzlack against nary an All-Pro or Pro Bowler? The response to that is a familiar refrain: THAT’S…why they play the game.

Let’s also not yet anoint the Fargo defense as the Steel Curtain. Admittedly, Sizzlack had no problem throwing the ball around the field, as rookie OLB The Jesus looked a little lost in coverage at times, just as you would expect a rookie to fair against a former league MVP. Kid Gruesome and his two favorite targets WR’s The Cheat and Quagmire each had banner days against the ‘Fish (Sizzlack – 284 yards, 3 TDs, 0 INTs; The Cheat – 9 catches for 111 yards, 1 TD; Quagmire – 8 catches for 101 yards, 2 TDs). But where Fargo was able to excel today on defense was stopping the Isotope rushing attack. The defense line played admirably against Albuquerque’s offensive line, especially with defensive tackles The Defense and Mr. Goodballs beating up their weak interior. The penetration by the defensive tackles forced the ‘Topes to run outside, but The Jesus’ quickness moving sideline to sideline limited RB Guy Incognito to a host of short gains (2.4 yard per cary) and only a short 1 yard plunge behind OT Ralph Wiggum prevented the running game from being completely shut out of the end zone.

Fargo’s defense kept it respectable (compared with last year anyway). And on offense, the Fargo running game chipped away at the Isotope defense. The Ordinary Guys OT Charlie and OG Ray played their usual solid game, with Ray especially doing a great job of nullifying DT Nelson “The Hammer” Muntz. Once RB Glutton for Punishment and FB Ty Wick got to the second level against the Isotope linebackers, they made them pay. GFP finished with 4 runs over 20 yards, including TD runs of 37 and 32 yards, and ran for 179 yards on the day. Ty Wick added 46 yards and a TD on 9 carries.

But it was an awful day again for Fargo QB El Poopiehead. His wild throws led to his receivers getting frustrated (though CB James L. Brooks and S Troy McClure had a fine performance, WR’s Lobsterboy and Kaptain Insano got open often enough). Despite his poor outing, the running game kept things close and he had one final chance to tie the game for Fargo, down 28-21 and facing a 4th and goal from the 9 with 30 seconds to go. Even with their running success on the day, the Fighting Crawfish felt they couldn’t dare run the ball in this situation. Poopiehead’s fake handoff was successful enough to freeze OLB Kearney from dropping back far enough in the end zone. Lobsterboy broke free from Troy McClure on the slant! The throw…was too high for…

Whoa.

Lobsterboy jumped and extended his arms just enough to tip the ball to himself. James L. Brooks tried to knock the ball out, but Lobsterboy held on to the ball tightly. 28-28 with 20 seconds to go!

Was 20 second too much time? Sizzlack took command of the huddle and threw a pair of nice sideline routes to Quagmire, setting up a final second Hail Mary from about midfield. Fargo took a chance and threw The Jesus at Sizzlack instead of having him play deep coverage. He timed his rush perfectly and flew by OT Ripberger. Sizzlack saw him coming but couldn’t get away and crumpled to the turf. Tie ballgame. Bring on the kickers!

Little used Fargo kicker XSquared trotted out to midfield to meet the diminutive Sir Gary Coleman for the bout of the day. As it turned out, the bout would truly be a bout as the two would meet in a makeshift ring for a 3 round boxing match. First to get KO’ed or win by judges (refs) would win.

Looking at XSquared’s powerful physique going against Coleman, who had to be giving up a good 60-70 pounds of muscle, you could easily predict the outcome of this one. Coleman did a nice job of sticking and moving…for about 10 seconds. Then Xsquared connected on a strong jab. Then a right hook. On the next right hook, Coleman went down and wisely decided to stay down as the ref counted him out. Fargo stuns the Isotopes and starts the season 1-0 with a 31-28 victory.

*****

In the final match of the first week, the ‘Necks battled the Muscle Men in a tussle between two teams who finished over .500 last year with title aspirations. The big attraction with this game was the powerful Knxoville offense facing the Milwaukee defense. And based on the outcome of that matchup, you’d have to give the nod to Knoxville. Thumbless Jackson put on a masterful performance today, mixing short and long passes to avoid OLB Superman’s blitzes and coverage, hitting WR’s Jackosn Jackson and Luke Jackson for a combined 278 yards and 3 TD’s. With RB Leon Jackson plowing ahead for a fourth score behind guards Fort Sumter Jackson and Lee Davis Jackson, the game looked lost for Milwaukee and their impotent offense. Right?

Let’s just say that Knoxville’s defense is to offensive impotence as Viagra is to male impotence. The Milwaukee running game with RB Ricky Williams running behind FB Bulldozer’s excellent lead blocks led to a great day by Ricky (22 rushes for 117 yards, 3 TDs) and Dan Marino Jr. was even able to complete a pass to WR Lightning on a 22 yard post pattern past safety Pass It Somewhere Else Jackson for a touchdown through the air. The score remained tied at 28 with five minutes left a side. But both sides had decent drives ended by turnover (INT by CB Deion Jackson, sack and fumble recovered by Superman) and the score stayed tied right up to the final gun. Bring on the kickers!

Groans went up among the Knoxville faithful as hated son Eli Manning strutted out to midfield. And yet, there were a few mingled cheers from fans recalling Manning’s victory to close out last year. Perhaps there was some hope today for the youngster.

Uh, no. Not against Bruce “I’ll Kick Your Butt” Handily. The king of kickers strode confidently to midfield. Having a wealth of knowledge in the arena of strange contests and supreme physical ability, it was going to be no contest no matter what was chosen…but wait, what’s that? A water pistol fight? Yes indeed, an old-fashioned water pistol was given to each of the two kickers with victory going to the first kicker to get a bit of dampness on the opponent.

The two circled each other from a good distance, each trying to feel out the other. Handily darted forward quickly and let loose a couple of volleys towards Manning, but Manning was able to sidestep the fast-traveling liquid. Still, Handily advanced forward, trying to force Manning up against the sidelines where he wouldn’t have room to maneuver. Manning squirted a few shots at Handily to try and keep him at bay, but Handily kept drawing closer. Finally Manning went on a full out run to get away. The move surprised Handily a bit, but he laughed out loud as he ran after his prey.

But Manning actually came up with a clever plan. He let loose a mass of shots on the ground immediately behind him. Handily was bearing down on Manning too fast and as he hit the wet patch of grass, he lost his footing. Poor Bruce’s feet slipped out from under him and he landed flat on his back, the gun on the ground about four feet away, having slipped out of his grasp as he fell. Manning smiled and shot Handily point blank in the face. A stunning 31-28 victory for Knoxville as Eli Manning defeats Bruce Handily.

Standings:

SA 1-0 (0)
BH 1-0 (7)
LR 1-0 (21)
CH 1-0 (28)
FG 1-0 (28)
KX 1-0 (28)
EP 0-1 (28)
CN 0-1 (28)
MW 0-1 (31)
AQ 0-1 (31)
LA 0-1 (35)
PT 0-1 (42)

[illinifan999]

WE ARE UNDEFEATED!

[NevStar]

There goes the season.

AQ boosters cry foul, accusing the commissioner's office of kowtowing to the strong Fargo lobby (and their friendly puppies) when it comes to overtime events.

We in the Isotopes front office would never believe our beloved commissioner would ever stoop so low. We only hope that our selected overtime event, a "Whatchoo Talkin' Bout" contest, is selected soon.

[Swaggs]

That is the best overtime contest ever. :)

[digamma]

Headline from the Knoxville paper:
IS ELI A JACKSON AFTER ALL?

[DolphinFan1]

That's bogus man. Bruce Handily is the best kicker in the ZFL past, present and future. The Muscle Men will get their revenge. :(

Good game Knoxville.

[revrew]

A loss to Chicago?? A win by Fargo?

Sweeeet

(To the tune of "The Jefforsons") - Movin' on up...in the first round... :D

[JAG]

Injury Report – Week 1


Albuquerque – No injuries.

Birmingham – No injuries.

Chicago – Doctors examined FB Josh Hackenstein after the game and determined that he had a moderately strained right hamstring. They expect him to be back to full health in 2-4 weeks, but until then his drive blocking will not be as strong as he is accustomed.

Cincinnati – Cincinnati has been a snake bit franchise for years: draft busts, injuries, and so on. Their luck continued with the groin injury to OG So and So. While not being the most severe type of tear, it would certainly be faster to heal if he took some time off. Alas, Cincinnati needs him on the field and so this injury will likely linger for most of the season.

El Paso – No injuries.

Fargo – No injuries.

Knoxville – No injuries.

Little Rock – No injuries.

Los Angeles – No injuries.

Milwaukee – No injuries.

Portland – No injuries.

San Antonio – No injuries.


I had also forgotten to mention the trade deadline before (even though I know in-season trades are usually few and far between). Trades may be conducted and consumated until the first reports of week 4's games (which will probably be a decent ways away).

[Coffee Warlord]

We in Portland would like to apologize for the loss...to Little Rock.

God, what have I done. Next year, get here!

[The Afoci]

Fargo would like to thank all the people that made this victory possible. And the devil for accepting the soul of El Poopiehead in exchange for a single victory.

[JAG]

I think the devil could've held out for an overtime loss. :)

[JAG]

The computer is getting packed up tomorrow and the journey to Minnesota will begin. Internet access will be pretty spotty for at least a week. I will have all the ZFL files with me, so I will attempt to put Week 2's games together, but I can't guarantee anything. Just in case I'm not around, happy holidays to you all. Once I'm set up in MN, things should go back to (relative) normality for the ZFL.

[sachmo71]

Happy holidays to you too, JAG! Good luck with the move, and watch out for the piles of snow.

Speaking for myself, I wouldn't worry about the ZFL just now. Get yourself settled first.

[JAG]

Hey all. A pretty eventful trip, including three days in Ohio without power (a couple without phone service), rain, freezing rain, sleet, snow, fog, and 1000+ miles of driving have come to a successful conclusion. Now there's just the small matter of some unpacking and finding a job...but in between that, I'll be working on getting things with the ZFL resumed. Glad to be out here and glad to be returning to some semblance of a normal life.

[DolphinFan1]

Welcome back Jag and belated Merry Christmas.

[JeeberD]

ZFL! ZFL! ZFL!

[revrew]

In the ZFL down time, hop on over to my High School Challenge dynasty (see my sig line below) and give me some feedback. Thanks for your support; we'll leave a light on for ya.

[Swaggs]

I believe it is time to just declare Little Rock the champions and move on to the next draft.

[JeeberD]

ZFL?

[JAG]

Week 2

The champs looked to keep things rolling against an Eagles team they stymied last season. However, the Eagles dropped 35 points on LA in this season’s opening week and showed more offensive balance than they had in years. Could they be the team to solve the Margarita defense?

Alas for Chicago, no one will mistake the depleted Stars defense with that of San Antonio. The Chicago running game was foiled by the outstanding play of MLB Ray Lewis and the combined effort of DT’s Sack U and Aragorn each taking turns teeing off on OG Mark Sheet. The Eagles’ passing game actually faired much better than their vaunted wrecking ball attack, with rookie WR Joel Tidwell having a good day against fellow rookie CB Twenty Mike-Mike, but they were unable to come up with any big plays or have success around the end zone. San Antonio had no such problems on offense, with FB Teeny and RB Mutt gashing Chicago for 230 yards rushing and 3 TD’s while QB Dip Dipperson tossed a TD pass to WR Finlandia the Chilly to give the Margaritas their second shutout victory to begin the season in a 28-0 dismantling of Chicago.

******

The Fighting Crawfish, fresh off their first victory in almost two seasons, had a big test of their revamped defense against the other team coming off an overtime victory in week 1, the Knoxville Rednecks.

And learned they still have a ways to go to challenge the likes of Knoxville’s offense.

Thumbless Jackson had a fine day, passing for 290 yards and 3 TD’s against Fargo’s overmatched secondary. OLB The Jesus made a lot of plays in the running game on the edges, so Knoxville switched to pounding the ball up the gut behind OG Fort Sumter Jackson. The plan paid dividends as Leon Jackson topped the 100 yard mark with 113 yards rushing and he and FB Jarret Jackson each scored a TD on the ground.

Fargo had themselves a fine day offensively against the soft ‘Neck defense, totaling 384 yards of offense. RB Glutton for Punishment ran through huge holes opened by his outstanding blockers FB Ty Wick and The Ordinary Guys OG Ray and OT Charlie, and finished with 173 yards and 3 TD’s. In fact, this game could’ve very well gone into overtime had it not been for two horrible interceptions (think Neil O’Donnell in Super Bowl XXX) thrown by QB El Poopiehead near the end zone (credit CB Deion Jackson for both picks). Losing those potential 14 points turned out to be the difference in the game, as Knoxville ran their record to 2-0 with a 35-21 victory.

******

El Paso didn’t catch much of a break in the early schedule of this season, playing two teams that finished with a combined two losses last year. Nevertheless, they were facing an Albuquerque team that was coming off an inexplicable loss to the Fighting Crawfish and hoping they would be ripe for another loss.

This game turned out to be a great struggle between two teams desperately trying for an early-season win. El Paso’s QB Dan McGwire led an inspired opening drive going 5 for 5 for 70 yards and a TD, but former MVP QB Moe Sizzlack had the answer, leading the Isotopes on an answering drive going 76 yards in 6 plays, including a 14 yard TD pass to WR The Cheat where Sizzlack had about 10 full seconds to let the play develop due to the lack of any pass rush from the Busters. El Paso could only go back to the pass sparingly for much of the remainder of the game as S Troy McClure and CB James L. Brooks tightened up their coverage, but the ground game feasted on the weak tackling of the ‘Tope linebackers. RB Blair Thomas benefited from FB Rashaan Salaam’s great lead blocking and churned out 130 yards and 2 TD’s. Salaam only had two carries, but one of them went for 32 yards and a TD as he broke three tackles on his way to the end zone. Albuquerque was able to find good running room behind their tackles while El Paso’s mediocre defensive line didn’t give their premier LB’s Brian Bosworth and rookie Eric Kumerow much opportunity to make plays in the running game. RB Guy Incognito and FB Drederick Tatum were able to combine for 140 yards rushing and 2 TD’s against the Busters. Sizzlack and McGwire each tossed another TD and the score was 35-28 in favor of El Paso late in the fourth quarter.

Sizzlack had one more opportunity to tie the game and allow K Sir Gary Coleman an opportunity to atone for last week’s loss. A combination of an Incognito 23 yard run and a deep 25 yard sideline pattern to Quagmire put the Isotopes 30 yards from paydirt with a minute remaining. El Paso decided to throw a changeup at Albuquerque. For the first time in the game, they decided to throw Bosworth up the gut at Sizzlack instead of putting him in coverage. Unfortunately for Albuquerque, their offensive line’s strength is not at guard. Bosworth timed his blitz perfectly and blew past the guards. FB Drederick Tatum was a hair slow in sliding over and Bosworth blasted Sizzlack, separating him from the ball. In the scrum that followed, Buster DT Dan ‘Little Sister’ Wilkenson was able to come up with the ball and preserve the win for El Paso 35-28. A surprising 0-2 start this season for the Isotopes with losses to former doormats Fargo and El Paso doesn’t bode well for them.

(second half of Week 2 will be forthcoming)

[JeeberD]

Woot! Down go the 'Topes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D

[digamma]

Go Necks.

[JAG]

Week 2 Cont.

******

Two of the top three defensive squads in the league (excepting San Antonio) squared off in a tough week 2 battle between the Muscle Men and the Olympians. The Olympians have added a little punch to their offense this year with the addition of FB Thor, who led them to an opening day victory. Milwaukee was coming off a disappointing loss against Knoxville where they actually managed 28 points of offense.

The game was about as physical as you’ll ever see a ZFL game. Milwaukee greatly struggled to move the ball on offense. Their running backs had to constantly deal with the Olympian defensive linemen blowing past their weak offensive line. Even when FB Bulldozer was able to keep DT Hera or Cyclopes off of RB Ricky Williams, MLB Excaliber or OLB Aristotle was there to keep the gains minimal. Passing was even more of a disaster as DE’s Atlantis (3 sacks) and Another Atlantis (4 sacks) put huge pressure on QB Dan Marino Jr. By putting up a lousy 160 yards of total offense, the Muscle Men were constantly giving the Olympians great field position and putting a strain on their defense.

But they needn’t have worried. Thor got an introduction to what ZFL defense is all about, facing one of the league’s most tenacious tacklers in OLB Superman. The Olympian offensive line did a reasonable job, but MLB Zach Thomas and Superman refused to give up any big gains. Thor finished with a respectable 24 carries for 88 yards, but most importantly had gains of –1, -1, and –2 the one time the Olympians were within the Milwaukee 5 yard line. QB Zeus Reloaded struggled badly with off-target throws and his receivers didn’t help much by getting little separation (credit CB Patrick Surtain for doing a fantastic job against WR Arnold Schwartzeneggar and Brock Marion for not allowing newcomer WR Khan Ogadai much room to operate). No team was able to squeeze a single point out of their opponent and the game remained tied at 0 at the end of regulation. Bring on the kickers!

K Uranus has had an up-and-down career with the Olympians, with his lowest point probably coming last year when he was attacked by an elephant in a losing effort. Milwaukee’s kicker Bruce “I’ll kick your butt!” Handily needed no introduction, but had to be wondering what the reaction would be from the Milwaukee faithful if he were to lose a second consecutive overtime contest.

The contest for this game looked as if the ZFL was making a play for corporate sponsorship. Each kicker would hoist a quarter keg of frosty, refreshing brew the length of the football field. At the end zone, each kicker would drink as much as possible for a full minute, before running to the far end zone and repeating the process. Points were to be given out for quantity of beer consumed, distance, and time needed to go distance traveled.

With Handily having played in Milwaukee his entire career, this was, needless to say, a redemption game for him. By the time Uranus had collapsed on the 20 yard line, Handily had already lapped him twice and was still going strong. In fact, he took a victory lap and the referees actually had to wrestle the keg away from him before he took his bow to the crowd. Milwaukee upsets a preseason favorite and gets their first win of the season by the score of 3-0.

******

The Slick Willies brought their potent offense to LA to clash with the Stars in a competition between teams headed in opposite directions. The Stars have already admitted they are essentially rebuilding for the future, while Little Rock came into the season harboring title aspirations behind their rising offense.

The Stars came out running the ball with great effectiveness, following a strategy similar to Portland last week. Their offensive line and the shifty moves of RB Rodney Dangerfield let to him scoring three times and rushing for 140 yards. But when the down and distance required throwing, LA struggled mightily. Truth be told, OT Freddie Prinze Jr. did a great job stonewalling DE L.L. JeeberD, but with the coverage downfield by S Red Herring (holding WR Ashton Kucher to 5 catches for 48 yards) and CB Tommy “TNT” Toothpick meant QB Bernie Mac had nowhere to go with the ball on those rare occasions where he might’ve been accurate enough to hit a receiver. A very drab day for LA’s passing attack.

But you weren’t out of luck if you came to this game expecting to see some aerial fireworks. QB Johnny Rotten was superb today in completing 80% of his passes against a defense that couldn’t mount any type of a pass rush or cover WR Bruce Spinner, who caught 2 TD passes amid a career high 14 catches for 183 yards in cooking CB Kevin Bacon (some kudos to veteran S Ray Liotta, who held rookie speedster WR Little Mark Marmel to just one catch, although it was a 55 yard TD). MLB Brad Pitt was more of a presence in the running game in preventing RB Rajah Saleem from breaking any big runs, but Saleem nickel-and-dimed the Star defense all day in gaining 124 yards on 30 carries and scoring three TD’s. Another big point outburst for Little Rock in winning 42-21, and they are off to their first 2-0 start in franchise history with a fun QB duel between Rotten and Dan McGwire on tap in week 3.

******

In our final game of week 2, two teams authoring the biggest trade of the offseason (Cincinnati and Portland) met in Colonel Joseph C. McCormick III’s return to Portland. All week long, McCormick had been stoking the fires of the Chap defense, urging them to help him get some revenge on his old team (he wisely neglected to tell them that the revenge was being shipped from the former ZFL champs to the wasteland of the ZFL).

The game started off very badly for Cincinnati. On their second offensive play of the game, RB Jerry Seinfeld got stripped of the ball by DT Captain Bipto who was able to cover for Portland, giving them a short field to work with. On the next play, QB Paddy O’Leary went for it all and found a horrible mismatch of WR Manfred von Richthofen on CB The Blacksmith. Easy 20 yard TD strike for Portland as they took a 7 point lead. Cincinnati wasn’t able to get anything going running the ball as they had no answer to Captain Bipto crashing through the middle of their line. Meanwhile, Portland had little problem moving the ball on the ground, with OG Erik Flamebeard of the Neither Her Nor There manhandling McCormick. At the half, RB Lothar Dirtpounder already had 80 yards and two TD’s, and Portland led 21-0.

In the second half, everything changed. Cincinnati starting shifting players around on defense, hoping to confuse Paddy O, while using OLB What’s Her Face in the center of the line for extra run support. That, combined with DE The Ugly One having a great half (2 sacks, numerous pressures, 1 fumble recovery) working against Fargo import OT Stud stalled a number of Portland drives. On offense, Cincinnati didn’t even attempt a run in the second half, turning to the arm of QB Mr. Shmallow to salvage something of the game. While star receiver Senor Cardgage was well-blanketed by Pro Bowler CB Master Hu Li, Portland really missed S Black Mage as Dust Puppy was torched by WR Population: Tire repeatedly. It didn’t help that Dust Puppy sprained an ankle early in the third, hurting his acceleration. Slowly Cincinnati crawled back in the game. 21-7 towards the end of the third quarter. 21-14 at the start of the fourth. The Sea Biscuits could not seem to mount a strong enough rush to get to Mr. Shmallow (rookie OT The Jorb did a fine job of keeping DE Dr. Hans Schlotnik at bay). On what would be his final drive of the game, Mr. Shmallow went 5 for 5, including a pretty crossing route that left Cardgage on Dust Puppy, leading to a 35-yard catch and run to the end zone to tie the game at 21. Portland had one more chance to tie the game, but on a 4th and 2, they uncharacteristically could not convert a short run, when an off-tackle run was flushed inside by Strong Mad…right into the arms of McCormick who had actually beaten Erik Flamebeard on the play. The Colonel glared over at the Portland bench as time expired. Bring on the kickers!

Portland K Juan "Voodoo" Jalisco had a reputation coming into the league as one of the most talented kickers who had ever come out for the draft, and this reputation has been enhanced by continual touting of Jalisco by GM Coffee Warlord as the ‘best kicker to never enter a game’. Cincinnati kicker Thikkaman has not been touted at all, but quietly had a good offseason for the Chaps.

Apparently, someone at ZFL headquarters got a little mixed up, as the football overtime turned into a European football overtime. The contest today featured a penalty kick contest with each kicker taking turns playing the part of goalkeeper and penalty-taker, best of five. As the goal posts were set up for the contest, Jalisco wowed the crowd with some fancy volleying as Thikkaman looked on nervously.

With Thikkaman in goal, Jalisco stepped up and crushed a shot to the upper right corner that Thikkaman didn’t have a prayer to get. 1-0 Jalisco.

Thikkaman retaliated with a kick up the middle that caught Jalisco diving to his right. 1 all.

Jalisco tried another shot at the upper corner but was unlucky with it hitting off the crossbar and deflecting harmlessly away. Still 1-1.

Thikkaman made it 2-1 with a blast to the lower left corner.

The two kickers each hit strong shots to the right corner to make it 3-2.

On his fourth shot, Jalisco took aim at the upper right corner again but didn’t get a good lift on it and Thikkaman was actually able to block the shot. If Thikkaman could make the next shot, Cincinnati would pull off the upset.

But in true Cincinnati style, Thikkaman hit the ball far wide of the goal to keep the contest going.

Jalisco, relieved, decided to keep the ball on the ground this time. For his fifth and possibly final shot, he pulled a pretty fake and sent the ball to the lower right corner. Thikkaman actually guessed correctly and dove, but the ball was just out of reach.

Unfortunately for Jalisco, it was also out of reach of the goal. The ball bounced harmlessly off the post and dashed away Portland’s chance at a victory. A stunning 24-21 Cincinnati win gives the Chaps more hope than they've had in any prior season. Portland can at least look forward to the next draft...

Standings after week 2:

SA 2-0 (0)
LR 2-0 (42)
KX 2-0 (49)
BH 1-1 (10)
MW 1-1 (31)
CN 1-1 (49)
CH 1-1 (56)
EP 1-1 (56)
FG 1-1 (63)
AQ 0-2 (66)
PT 0-2 (66)
LA 0-2 (77)

[revrew]

How the mighty Star Crunch has fallen. Woe is our D.

Ahh, they're young. LA may be the bottom of the heap this year, but keep an eye on your rear-view mirror, boys...we'll be coming up fast in a couple seasons!

[digamma]

The Knoxville mayor is at it again...

KNOXVILLE, TN--Knoxville Mayor Jackie "Two Jacks" Jackson stunned Knoxvillains Tuesday by challenging the city of Birmingham to a "Loser leaves town" bet in the upcoming ZFL game between the Knoxville Rednecks and the Birmingham Olympians.

"The deep South ain't big enough for two ZFL teams," Two Jacks said to a shocked audience made up mostly of kin folks. "It's time to find out which of these teams belongs in Dixie.

"If the mayor of Birmin'ham has any ba...err...intestinal fortitude, he won't mind putting his city's honor on the line. In the name of Robert E. Lee, here is my challenge. The loser of this game has to, effective at the end of this season, pack up and head north of the Mason-Dixon line.

"We're going to expose the 'lympians for the yankees they are."

Two Jacks dismissed questions regarding San Antonio and El Paso and their southern locations. "Hale, Texas was its own country before it was part of the 'Federacy. As far as I'm concerned they can keep on bein' on their own. Besides, they drunk and jumpin' in that river in San Antonio. And it wouldn't even be a fair fight with El Paso."

Two Jacks also noted that anywhere south of Tampa, Florida would also count as "north of the Mason-Dixon line" for purposes of fulfilling the terms of the bet.

***

So, what say you Birmingham?

And, is this legal under the ZFL constitution?

[DolphinFan1]

Now that's more like it.

[JAG]

And, is this legal under the ZFL constitution?

Absolutely. There is precedent for teams relocating (The Fighting Crawfish were originally based in Omaha). But remember, if Knoxville loses, that's a whole lotta Jacksons that are gonna have to move. :)

[digamma]

Absolutely. There is precedent for teams relocating (The Fighting Crawfish were originally based in Omaha). But remember, if Knoxville loses, that's a whole lotta Jacksons that are gonna have to move. :)
Oh the Necks and the Jacksons (maybe one and the same) are well aware of their risks.

[JeeberD]

What a win for the Chaps!

[Swaggs]

Wow... Birmingham got called out. :)

[JAG]

Injury Report – Week 2


Albuquerque – No injuries.

Birmingham – No injuries.

Chicago – FB Josh Hackenstein continued to rehab his hamstring as best he could, but it hadn't responded as team doctors had hoped. He's likely still looking at another couple of weeks before reaching full strength, during which time the usual Chicago wrecking ball won't quite have the same juice.

Cincinnati – No new news on the groin injury to OG So and So. He's still looking at an injury that will stay with him the entire year.

El Paso – No injuries.

Fargo – No injuries.

Knoxville – No injuries.

Little Rock – No injuries.

Los Angeles – No injuries.

Milwaukee – No injuries.

Portland – The ankle sprain of S Dust Puppy was not the high ankle sprain originally feared, but it will still take a couple of weeks before he can properly push off his right foot. This could wreak havoc with Portland's secondary, as he was already a liability in coverage before the injury.

San Antonio – No injuries.

[revrew]

digamma - we'll just call you the Emeril of the ZFL. Bam! Kick it up a notch. Very nice. Whaddya say, Olympians?

[digamma]

digamma - we'll just call you the Emeril of the ZFL. Bam! Kick it up a notch. Very nice. Whaddya say, Olympians?
I was just trying to steal some thunder from the San Antonio-Milwaukee game.

[tucker342]

da city o Birmingham an da Olympians accept dat dem dere offer.

[tucker342]

Did I scare everyone away?

[JAG]

It's coming. :) Today or tomorrow (today will be a bit busy, but we'll see).

[JAG]

Week 3

*****

Portland expected to have some trouble in their rebuilding year, but getting slaughtered by Little Rock and losing to Cincinnati? This wasn’t exactly on the schedule. Could they turn it around against an up-and-down Chicago squad?

Their running game certainly could. Chicago’s had problems defending the run for a number of years now with aging OLB Ray Brown having trouble keeping up with his younger contemporaries. OG Erik Flamebeard dominated DT Donovan Lork and OT Leonardo Ruiz Al Elvaro was unquestionably better than DE The Answer as the Portland line controlled the Eagle defensive line and opened running lanes the whole game. RB Lothar Dirtpounder managed to run for 134 yards and 3 TD’s. QB Paddy O was a mixed bag for Portland, throwing one TD to The Manchild, but also getting picked off three times by Chicago All-Pro S Shut Down.

However, the real tale of the game was the offensive showing for Chicago. QB Mike Marino found targets WR Joel Tidwell and O. DeJuan Gavly early and often, as they took advantage of the injured S Dust Puppy and stayed away from Pro Bowler CB Master Hu Li. DT Captain Bipto clearly missed his tandem-mate on the line facing OG Tom Sanders who won the majority of battles in the trenches. Lets also give OT John Tate some credit for keeping Marino free of Portland pass rushers and opening holes in the running game. Finally, the 1-2 combo of RB Randy Steele and FB Josh Hackenstein was too much for the Sea Biscuit linebackers to handle. Chicago had their best offensive showing since their championship days and put a whopping 42 points on Portland, cruising to a 42-28 victory and sending the Sea Biscuits reeling as they continue their early season slide.

*****

After two disappointing losses to Fargo and El Paso, a pair of teams which combined for 2 wins last season, the Isotopes had the opportunity to begin the season with three losses against the three worst teams from the year before in facing Cincinnati. The Chaps were looking to double their win total from last year with a victory.

The Chaps actually managed to get their first rushing touchdown of the season today, as RB Jerry Seinfeld was able to find some room running behind rookie OT The Jorb for a 7 yard TD run early on. Cinci was able to add another quick TD to that with a 20 yard strike from Mr. Shmallow to Senor Cardgage and jump out to a 14-0 lead.

But that would be the high water mark for them. Albuquerque opened up their passing attack and the Chaps had no answer. With OT Ralph Wiggum providing great protection against Chap DE The Ugly One, all-world QB Moe Sizzlack was able to find favorable matchups for his receivers Quagmire and The Cheat against the poor Cincinnati secondary. Sizzlack crossed the 300 yard barrier and threw 3 TD’s while Guy Incognito ran behind Wiggum for another score. On offense, the Chaps just couldn’t seem to recapture their early magic. DT Nelson “The Hammer” Muntz held down the middle of the line as OG So and So’s groin injury prevented him from getting any kind of push in the center. S Troy McClure and CB James L. Brooks did a fair job against the Chap receivers, and OT The King of Town, who is old enough to be rookie DE Pie Man’s father, didn’t provide much in the way of protection, letting the rookie pick up the first two ZFL sacks of his career and throw off Shmallow with his pressure. Cincinnati did tack on a garbage-time touchdown in the end to make the final score more respectable, but Albuquerque climbs into the win column with a 28-21 victory over the Chaps.

*****

The Stars and Fighting Crawfish collided in another of today’s matchups. Surprisingly, Fargo has managed a better record so far this year than LA, although one of their losses has been against the to-this-point tough Slick Willies. Most experts really had no idea which way this game would shake out. The only thing they were sure of was that this would be a game where the ground games of both teams would dominate, since the two QB’s were among the league’s worst.

Sure enough, even with MLB Brad Pitt (16 tackles) roaming in the middle, the Stars could not stop the running game of the ‘Fish behind the performances of the Ordinary Guys, FB Ty Wick, and RB Glutton for Punishment. GFP bullied his way to 127 yards and 3 TD’s. The Stars’ pass rush lacked a bit of oomph and allowed QB El Poopiehead to complete just over 50% of his passes (one of the best totals of his career) and throw a TD pass to WR Lobsterboy.

And yet, it wasn’t all gloom and doom for the Stars. Their own offensive line and RB Rodney Dangerfield made fish sticks out of the ‘Fish defense, pounding them for 166 yards and a trio of scores for the Disrespected One. WR Ashton Kucher had a strong game for a Star wideout, getting 101 yards and a TD on a great diving catch (*ahem* nice accuracy again QB Bernie Mac). Still, even with his offensive line giving him time to throw, once again Bernie Mac showed an inability to take advantage of favorable matchups. A combination of that and OLB The Jesus’ coverage in the middle of the field prevented the Stars from taking a commanding lead in the game.

The fourth quarter was an embarrassment, with both QB’s having chances to lead their teams to victory, only to fall short amongst jitters and faulty throws. In the end, the two teams appeared to be almost mirror images of themselves on the field. On the scoreboard, there was no 'almost' about it. 28-28 at the end of regulation. Bring on the kickers!

K Little Val Kilmer has always found a way to win in his career despite facing long odds. Even now for two years straight he’s held back youngster Very Little Val Kilmer from taking over the primary kicking duties. It appeared he would have to work his magic yet again as he was facing young athletic kicker Xsquared from the ‘Fish, who already beat the snot out of ‘Tope K Gary Coleman earlier this year.

With the contest today, he’d have another opportunity to put a physical beating on a kicker. A wrestling mat was set up at the 50-yard line and the kickers were instructed on the wrestling freestyle rules of conduct for their bout. No head-butts, no kicking, no punching, and first to hold their opponents’ shoulders to the mat for a full second would be the victor. A signal from the ref and the bout was on!

As is the norm for the kicking events, the two opponents were initially wary, sizing the other up. Xsquared looked to be a bit quicker and more muscular, but Little Val has been in far more kicker contests in his career. Kilmer quickly darted forward as if to sweep out his opponents’ legs, but Xsquared dodged aside and grabbed for Kilmer’s head. X nearly got Kilmer in a headlock, had Kilmer not agilely fallen back. As Kilmer dropped back, he stumbled over his legs. It was just the break Xsquared had hoped for and he lunged towards Kilmer.

Which was just the break Little Val was hoping for.

His fake fall suckered in Xsquared. A simple sidestep threw off Xsquared’s balance and Kilmer used the youngster’s momentum to throw him to the mat and initiate a quick pin. It took Xsquared a good few seconds to realize what had happened, by which time the bout was over. First win of the season for the Stars as they triumph 31-28 over Fargo.

(the rest of week 3 will be forthcoming)

[illinifan999]

EAT THAT ERIK! Tom Sanders once again shows why he is all-universe while erik is only all-pro.

[revrew]

Little Val - All he does is win overtimes, baby.

[Swaggs]

Hell of a cliffhanger here... :)

[JAG]

Week 3 cont.

*****

Little Rock has had one of the most stirring starts to the season with two easy blowout victories. Things weren’t expected to be quite so easy against the rising Busters, who have quietly been accumulating stars on both sides of the ball in the past few seasons.

It turned out that one of the key players in the game was rookie WR Little Mark Marmel. With little to no pass rush coming from the Buster line, and their excellent linebackers MLB Brian Bosworth and rookie OLB Eric Kumerow taking away the middle of the field and the outlets to Rajah, El Paso couldn’t and didn’t help out the slow-footed CB Tommy Knight. It turned out to be a disaster as Marm caught 6 passes for 183 yards on him, including two TD catches of 30+ yards. S Patrick Bates can’t do it all like he used to and he also struggled to contain a Slick Willie receiver, with Bruce Spinner catching 8 passes for 121 yards and a TD. Kumerow and Bosworth were very active against the run and Saleem didn’t have as easy a go as he usually does, but he did still manage 85 yards and two TD’s (only 3.5 YPC though, with no holes for him to use his trademark speed and quickness).

On offense, the Busters couldn’t handle the stars of the Little Rock defense. DE L.L. JeeberD put fear in Dan McGwire’s heart as he toasted OT Billy Milner time and time again to the tune of 4 sacks and countless pressures, DE L.L. Another JeeberD was able to chip in a sack from the other side, and ballhawk S Red Herring didn’t get an INT but did keep WR Rae “I’m Innocent!” Carruth from being a factor in the game (4 catches for 42 yards). In the running game, DT Henry Blitzen blew through the inept El Paso guards while OLB Little Ray made plays from sideline to sideline. If not for two great individual plays (a McGwire 27 yard pass across his body to WR Sylvester Morris and a 42 yard 4-tackle-breaking rumble by FB Rashaan Salaam), the Busters wouldn’t have had any points to show for this game. A great effort on both sides of the ball from the Slick Willies brings them a 35-14 win and their franchise's first ever 3-0 start.

*****

Milwaukee and San Antonio met in a huge early season match between two teams with among the stingiest defenses in the league. The loss to the Muscle Men last year was the only blemish on San Antonio’s record and they came looking for revenge against a Milwaukee defense notoriously miserly about giving out points. In fact, both teams had shut out three of the four opponents they had faced thus far this year.

This year’s battle was a physical contest akin to last year’s game. The Margaritas came out looking to establish the run, but even though OG Lone Star was able to get some push in the middle against DT No Name Necessary, every time HB Mutt came to the hole, who would be waiting there but All-Everything OLB Superman to stop him dead in his tracks. They also thought they could exploit the matchups on the outside with WR’s Finlandia the Chilly and Primetime going against CB Patrick Surtain and S Brock “Please don’t throw the ball my way” Marion, but the two hung tight in coverage long enough for Superman to get to Dipperson (Superman’s task was to blitz every play as soon as it was determined the play wasn’t a run).

On the other side of the ball, Milwaukee couldn’t even get a sniff of offensive success. Their offensive line was thoroughly dominated, primarily in the middle where DT Aragorn and Sack U didn’t even need MLB Ray Lewis’ help…which freed up Lewis to blitz QB Dan Marino Jr. incessantly. In one of the more pathetic showings by a ZFL offense ever, Milwaukee turned the ball over 5 times, gave up 10 sacks, and gained only 6 rushing yards.

Incredibly though, the champs couldn’t make headway even with that kind of generosity. QB Dip Dipperson wilted under the pressure of Superman’s blitzes, losing a fumble and throwing two interceptions to Surtain (on the second pick, Ray Lewis smashed his helmet against the bench, cracking it open and leaving the scrambling equipment manager to get him a backup). Despite hanging with the rest of Milwaukee’s defense, they couldn’t stop the Man of Steel. Regulation ended with the Margarita’s failing to score on three plays from the Muscle Men 5 yard line and the score at, what else for a Milwaukee game?, 0-0. Bring on the kickers!

Milwaukee has made ZFL history by having all three of their first three games of the season enter overtime. Of course, anything to get K Bruce “I’ll kick your butt!” Handily on the field has to be a good thing for them. K Steve McLaughlin has had his ups and downs for San Antonio, but he’s been the most effective kicker the squad has had since the team’s inception. Milwaukee players watched gleefully, sure they would prevail with their team’s most visible star (outside Superman of course) on the field.

The two kickers watched as two 30-foot poles were erected on the 50-yard line, each with a mini bell-tower on top. The contest was a simple climb to the top, first to ring the bell wins. The only twist was that the two poles were completely covered in lard, making getting a grip something of an adventure.

This kicker duel might’ve been one of the most lopsided ever. Handily looked like a squirrel with the ease he zipped up the pole, making it seem as if it was covered in Velcro instead of lard. McLaughlin tried climbing a few times, but slid down after he had barely started each time, finally cussing out the pole and giving it a few solid kicks. In almost no time at all, Handily reached the bell and rang it. Afterward, he was asked how he could climb the slippery pole so quickly:

“It’s actually quite elementary. By applying diametrically equal but opposed forces to each side of the pole, it was possible to neutralize the frictionless surface by utilizing my inherent muscular spindle fibers and mobilizing them such that--“

Uh, thanks Bruce (must work with 14-year old Cody Turren of Bozeman, Montana during the offseason). Regardless, Milwaukee has done it again, besting the Margaritas 3-0 for a second straight year and knocking off the top two preseason favorites in consecutive weeks.

*****

This week’s game between Birmingham and Knoxville became more hyped and heated than in the past with the two teams agreeing the South (east of Texas) is only big enough for one of ‘em. Loser packs their bags and moves somewhere where it’s cold (presumably at the end of the season). The two teams have always provided some entertaining games in the past with all the stars on Knoxville’s offense and Birmingham’s defense, but as always in these types of games is how the neglected units fair against each other.

We’ll start with the stars. The Olympians have tried for a number of years to get that last piece of the defensive puzzle at corner, but haven’t found someone worthy of replacing Hektor. It hurt them this game. Thumbless Jackson went for short passing plays (trying to neutralize the double Atlantis pass rush) to Hektor’s side of the field with good success. Jackson Jackson and Luke Jackson both eclipsed 100 yards receiving on the day. The ‘Necks didn’t have much success running outside, but in between the tackles, behind massive OG Fort Sumter Jackson, RB Leon Jackson had some success (80 yards rushing, 1 TD). Not as explosive a game as is usual from Knoxville, but the Birmingham defense bent more than usual as well.

The Olympian downfield passing game went nowhere today, as CB Deion Jackson shut down half the field and left QB Zeus Reloaded perplexed for much of the game. However, you can’t say enough about the job rookie FB Thor and the rest of the offensive line did. Birmingham averaged over 6 yards a carry and Thor showed off his versatility in catching 5 passes for 45 yards, rushing 21 times for 143 yards with 3 TD’s, and providing the lead blocking for RB Roman to pick up 44 yards on 7 rushes.

With little time left in the fourth quarter, the two teams were knotted at 21 all with Knoxville having one more chance to end the game before heading to overtime. The Olympians had desperately been shifting OLB Aristotle to help Hektor out in coverage, but this weakened their run defense and, frankly, against receivers like Luke and Jackson Jackson, an OLB wasn’t going to have much success. Knoxville moved the ball down the field ably, getting to the Olympian 8 yard line with time for one play to go. The ‘Necks decided to run a crossing route while the Olympians made the right call of dropping their linebackers to the middle of the field. As the play started, both Atlantis and Another Atlantis beat the OT’s and headed for Thumbless. Thumbless stepped up to avoid Atlantis, but Another Atlantis dove at his legs. Thumbless was forced to throw a little sooner than he wanted, just before Another Atlantis got him down. The ball sailed towards the end zone to where Luke Jackson had beaten Hektor, when who flashed in front of Luke but S Odysseus, who broke off Jackson Jackson when he accurately diagnosed the play. Odysseus snagged the ball in stride and broke upfield. With the two fastest members of Knoxville behind him already, he was able to go the length of the field for a 102 yard INT return for an Olympian TD to seal the game for Birmingham 28-21 over Knoxville. A top-notch game from both teams, but it’s the Jacksons that are going to have to invest in winter coats.

Standings after week 3:

LR 3-0 (56)
SA 2-1 (3)
MW 2-1 (31)
BH 2-1 (31)
KX 2-1 (77)
CH 2-1 (84)
CN 1-2 (77)
AQ 1-2 (87)
EP 1-2 (91)
FG 1-2 (94)
LA 1-2 (105)
PT 0-3 (108)

[sachmo71]

Oooh.

[Swaggs]

Wow. Birmingham and Knoxville in an instant classic.

[digamma]

Jackie "Two Jacks" Jackson demands a recount.

(Secretly, though, Jackson is considering bids from potential suitors of the Neck franchise.)

[DolphinFan1]

I think the best draft pick I ever made was K - Bruce Handily.

[sachmo71]

I think the best draft pick I ever made was K - Bruce Handily.
Nice win. see you in a few weeks. :D

[JeeberD]

Blar...we're never gonna be good. :(

[revrew]

Blar...we're never gonna be good. :(

Hey, look at Little Rock and Portland. It CAN be done. Either way you wanna go--up or down. As for LA, what's with that win?? You guys didn't get the memo? We can't let Portland draft that quarterback we want!

Hey Knoxville, word is Des Moines is looking for a team. I wonder what tucker would think of that..heehee. The locals have already picked a name - The Des Moines Drews, after Iowa's most beloved author, entrepreneur, and football commisioner.

[JAG]

Week 4 Previews

Portland vs. Albuquerque – Two teams with very disappointing starts to the season look to try to get back on track. Albuquerque will likely feast on Portland’s banged up secondary while Portland will likely ram the ball down the Tope’s throats. Look for some high scoring.

Fargo vs. El Paso – It looks like JeeberD made the right call at quarterback in the 2008 draft, and that will likely go a long way towards helping bring the Buster franchise to prominence. Fargo hasn’t been as lucky at quarterback, but the rest of the drafting has been great and they’re starting to assemble a solid squad of youngsters. The winner will be at .500 for the season, so expect both teams to come out strong.

Knoxville vs. San Antonio – This should be an entertaining game. The champs will naturally be the favorite, but Thumbless has been able to solve their defense at times. It will come down to a young unheralded group of Knoxville defenders to keep the Margaritas out of the end zone.

Birmingham vs. Los Angeles – The Stars have had a tough stretch to start the season and things aren’t expected to be pretty for QB Bernie Mac facing a top defensive squad. There could be some hope though, as the Olympian world class pass rush could be dulled just enough by the Stars’ world class offensive line to give WR Ashton Kucher time to maneuver against CB Hektor.

Cincinnati vs. Little Rock – This looks to be a mismatch all the way. Little Rock has been the hottest team in the league to start the season, while Cincinnati was a mere penalty kick away from being 0-3. There is one interesting element to watch however. Little Rock is not strong at the guard position and the Chaps have former Pro Bowler Colonel Joseph C. McCormick III at DT.

Chicago vs. Milwaukee – Milwaukee has to be the favorite in this one as they knocked off a pair of good teams the past couple of weeks while Chicago’s wins have come against lackluster Portland and LA. Still, Chicago’s offense finally has some balance now and is among the top scoring clubs in the league. Lastly, after 125 minutes of completely scoreless regulation play, will someone (please?) finally get a score in a Milwaukee game who isn’t a kicker?

[Swaggs]

Wow... times have changed. Little Rock favored in a mismatch?

[tucker342]

Wow, great game Knoxville!:)

[JAG]

A bit short today guys. It's not been the best of weeks. The rest will be coming early next week.

Week 4

LR – CN

As expected, this game was an abysmal mismatch. On defense, Cincinnati had no answer for Little Rock’s playmakers. QB Johnny Rotten picked apart the Chaps’ defense all day with a 378 yard 3 TD performance, especially toasting the linebackers with short passes to RB Rajah Saleem, who had 12 catches for 115 yards and a TD. The few times the Chaps’ secondary cheated up on the short passes, Rotten toasted them deep with some timely bombs to rookie WR Little Mark Marmel, who finished with 5 catches for 111 yards and 2 TD’s. Saleem also chipped in a couple of TD’s on the ground and might not have had such a good day had Cincinnati’s defenders done a better job of tackling him on first contact. When Cincinnati had the ball, RB Jerry Seinfeld either ran into the brick wall that is DT Henry Blitzen or was brought down swiftly by OLB Little Ray. Their sometimes prolific passing game was shut down by a combination of the Slick Willie secondary (S Red Herring with some big hits and an interception) and by the pressure from their defensive linemen (DE L.L. JeeberD with 2 sacks, Blitzen and DE L.L. AnotherJeeberD each with 1 sack). Little Rock runs its unbeaten streak to 4-0 with a 35-7 dismantling of Cincinnati.


BH – LA

Give kudos to the LA offensive line. Today they mauled the smaller Olympian line running the ball, as RB Rodney Dangerfield scored not once, not twice, but three times against the talented Birmingham defense and managed 109 yards rushing. The problems for LA, as always, came when they were forced to pass. The offensive line had a harder time managing the quicker Olympian front, and though they only gave up 2 sacks on the day, QB Bernie Mac’s well known problems playing under any kind of pressure led to an even more erratic day from him than we’ve come to expect. Give credit to the Olympian secondary as well, as WR Ashton Kucher couldn’t get separation from S Odysseus and former Olympian WR Hercules had a very disappointing game against CB Hektor.

But despite Hercules’ performance, this game wouldn’t be dubbed The Revenge Game for naught . Former LA Stars receivers Arnold Schwartzeneggar and (for a day) WR Khan Ogadai showed LA what they were missing as each took turns besting CB Kevin Bacon for a TD and the Olympians posted a season high 260 yards passing. The ground game was never a problem as talented youngster FB Thor had a great day running behind mammoth guard Another Troy and lead blocking against MLB Brad Pitt when RB Roman came in the game. The Olympians piled up 176 yards on the ground and split three TD’s amongst their two running backs (2 for Thor, 1 for Roman) for one solid victory over LA, 35-21.

(Part 2 of Week 4 coming later)

[tucker342]

Good game Rev!:)

[tucker342]

dola

Hey, look at Little Rock and Portland. It CAN be done. Either way you wanna go--up or down. As for LA, what's with that win?? You guys didn't get the memo? We can't let Portland draft that quarterback we want!

Hey Knoxville, word is Des Moines is looking for a team. I wonder what tucker would think of that..heehee. The locals have already picked a name - The Des Moines Drews, after Iowa's most beloved author, entrepreneur, and football commisioner.
I was going to pick Iowa City if I would've lost... TTFFK (The Team Formerly From Knoxville) can have Des Moines, as long as they don't move to Iowa City;)

[revrew]

Oh, shucks. Lost another one. C'mon Portland! We're cheering for Portland!

Oh, and by the way, Khan Ogadai -- you'll be an old man in your rocker watching Hercules and the Stars hoisting the ZFL trophy. That's why you were shipped out. Enjoy your glory while you still can.

[JAG]

Week 4 cont.

MW – CH

Unsurprisingly, Milwaukee played another game that went down to the wire. After a scoreless half of futility to start the game for both team’s offense, Chicago finally started moving the ball a little on offense. Runs up the middle, a staple of the Eagle offense, hadn’t been working all day with the young Nobody Milwaukee DT’s (No Name Necessary and Tim “No Wann” Bowens) blowing past the useless OG Mark Sheet, so they went to the outside. While OLB Superman was usually there to put the stop to those plays, FB Josh Hackenstein and OT John Tate occasionally gave RB Randy Steele some room to work with. The running kept Superman honest and gave QB Mike “Air” Marino some time to throw the ball to rookie receiver Joel Tidwell. With about 6 minutes left in the quarter, Marino hit Tidwell on an 11 yard slant over the middle. Tidwell took the pass, slipped out of S Brock Marion’s grasp, and waltzed into the end zone for an 18 yard TD catch and run and a nifty moonwalk dance in the end zone to top it off. Finally, after over 160 minutes of regulation play, a TD was scored in a Muscle Men game.

Milwaukee didn’t take it sitting down. Frustrated by S Shut Down’s excellent coverage in the secondary and not wanting to risk another interception (he had two in the first half), they switched gears and went to the ground. After coming out the previous series, FB Bulldozer lit into RB Ricky Williams on the sideline and a shoving match erupted between the two. Now the two took their anger out on Chicago’s defense. Two sweeps to the right yielded 18 yards and a third one where Bulldozer flattened OLB Ray Brown with a picture perfect lead block let Williams get 34 yards down the sideline. A few plays later, a 4 yard plunge behind OT No Sacks Allowed gave Milwaukee their first regulation TD in three games and tied the game at 7. After a quick 4 and out by the Eagles on offense, Milwaukee ran a draw play to Williams. He spun out of the grasp of MLB El Capone and darted up the middle for 19 yards, getting stopped at the 1 by Shut Down. The Muscle Men turned to Bulldozer for the 1 yard dive and scored their second rushing touchdown of the day, giving them their first lead 14-7. An offensive cornucopia for Milwaukee!

The defenses put the clamps down in the fourth quarter and there had been no more scoring when Chicago received the ball with 2:30 left to play. Marino calmly took the field and found Tidwell for 14 and 17 yards to bring them to midfield at the 2 minute warning. A well-executed draw to Steele gave them another 10 yards but the clock was ticking. Under heavy pressure from a blitzing Superman, Marino had to dump it off to Steele who was tackled in-bounds after a 7 yard gain to the Muscle Men 33. Marino dropped back, pump-faked to freeze the safety and threw to Tidwell in single coverage against CB Patrick Surtain. The two went up for the ball but Surtain, who’s been having a strong year thus far, came down with the throw for an interception. That would’ve been all for the game, but Tidwell alertly ripped the ball from him and dashed to the end zone for a miraculous game-tying touchdown! Milwaukee’s offense could do nothing with only 23 seconds left and yes, a remarkable fourth consecutive Milwaukee overtime game. Bring on the kickers!

Muscle Men kicker great Bruce “I’ll kick your butt!” Handily looked a bit more ragged than usual, somewhat understandably as he has had as much action in these past four weeks as the previous couple of years combined. Youngster Bubba Baker for Chicago was highly touted in this year’s draft, but he looked quite nervous heading into his first career contest against the game’s most accomplished kicker. He looked even more nervous when he saw the crews bring out a truckload of hot coals from the tunnel and begin to create a pair of running lanes with them, spanning the length of the field. The competition today would be a 100-yard dash through the hot coals, first to get to the far end zone would be the winner. The only other catch to the contest was what each kicker was required to carry during their dash: a 2 foot by 2 foot block of ice.

The referee blew the whistle and the fire-and-ice contest began. Baker looked a little more quick than Handily as he got off to a good five yard lead as he raced past the near 30 yard marker. Handily didn’t look all that comfortable on the coals and he nearly let the ice block slip out of his hands, costing him a few yards in pursuit of Baker. As the rookie started looking great, he unfortunately caught a spark off the coals on his right foot. The nasty blister caused him to lose his balance and drop the block of ice to catch himself from falling. As Handily caught back up and passed Baker, he saw the rookie trying to pick up the slippery ice block without much luck. By the time Baker realized he needed to get his arms under the ice block (sigh…rookies), Handily was in the end zone, spiking his ice to the ground and celebrating another Milwaukee overtime win, 17-14.

AQ – PT

As expected, there was little defense to be found for most of this game. Portland’s banged-up secondary provided little resistance to the Isotope passing machine. Even stellar CB Master Hu Li was beaten for a touchdown when Moe “Kid Gruesome” Sizzlack had at least 8 seconds to sit back in the pocket to wait for WR The Cheat to get open. OT Ralph Wiggum had a big part in preventing Sizzlack from even getting knocked down and dominated DE Dr. Hans Schlotnik in the running game as well, allowing RB Guy Incognito to gain 78 of his 121 yards and two TD’s on his side of the field.

But that wasn’t the whole story. Portland’s offensive line opened holes regularly for RB Lothar Dirtpounder, who pounded out 139 yards and 3 TD’s on the ground. Yet even with great protection and with WR Manfred von Richthofen having a size and speed advantage over CB James L. Brooks, QB Paddy O struggled to get the ball downfield amid tipped passes at the line of scrimmage and a number of passes defenses by the ‘Tope secondary.

The score was 35-21 with 4:34 left to play in the fourth quarter and things looked pretty hopeless for Portland when they finally got a big play to The Manchild. Off a quick out to his side of the field, Richthofen made a quick cut back inside that left Brooks a mile away. Richthofen sprinted down the field. 50…40…30…20…here comes S Troy McClure taking an angle…but a stutter-stop and direction change leaves him behind! Richthofen with a 78 yard TD to bring Portland within 7.

The Sea Biscuit defense was apparently spurred on by the play as they held the Isotopes for 3 plays to a 4th and 2. As Albuquerque started to run their designed play to Incognito behind Wiggum, Captain Bipto burst up the middle and threw the runner to the ground for a 3 yard loss. Portland ball on the Albuquerque 15!

On the very next play, QB Paddy O became Paddy “O no!” as he felt pressure from DT Charlie Sheen who had beaten OG Tim the Troll and threw a wobbly ball that was picked off by Troy McClure, who you may remember from such films as “I just made the game-winning interception” and “Albuquerque wins 35-28”.

(2 more close games on tap soon, KX - SA and FG-EP, with one of them going to overtime...)

[JeeberD]

Fargo must DIE!!!

[DolphinFan1]

Bruce Handily is Milwaukee's MVP for all time!

[The Afoci]

El Paso must eat berries from the land of butt cheese.

[revrew]

Darn it, Portland! Can't you beat anybody? I want that pick!

[JeeberD]

El Paso must eat berries from the land of butt cheese.


Mmmmm...berries and cheese. Quite the tasty combination...

[JeeberD]

Bizzump!

[Swaggs]

Bizzump!
You almost threadkilled the ZFL.

[JeeberD]

Hrrumph, I see JAG in the Hattrick forum. He needs to get his ass out of that hellhole ASAP and get to work on the important stuff... ;)

[tucker342]

bump

[JAG]

The ZFL lives on. I still have to finish up the last game of the week which I will hopefully get to in the next day or so.

Week 4 (still)

SA – KX

It was clear early on that the (for now) Knoxville Rednecks brought their A game to San Antonio. To minimize the damage that could be done by MLB Ray Lewis, the game plan was to throw a lot of deep balls. On the first play of the game, QB Thumbless Jackson heaved up a bomb to favorite target WR Jackson Jackson who had zipped past S Godzilla Blitz. 40 yards down the field, JJ caught the ball in stride and had an easy run to the end zone to complete an 80 yard TD play. Margarita QB Dip Dipperson tried to answer with a bomb of his own to WR Finlandia the Chilly, but the ball was underthrown which allowed Knoxville CB Deion Jackson to intercept it. Thumbless immediately went to the other side of the field for another long throw and connected with WR Luke Jackson. LJ shrugged off the attempted tackle by CB Twenty Mike-Mike and made it to the end zone easily for a 52 yard TD. Not a bad first two plays for the ‘Neck offense.

San Antonio was able to cut the lead to 14-7 after a methodical drive, mixing short passes with some hard running by HB Mutt to set up a 2 yard TD plunge by FB Teeny. During that drive, the Margaritas decided to go with full out bump-and-run coverage instead of playing soft, figuring that if they could disrupt the timing of the receivers and give Ray Lewis and DE All-Pro some time to get to Thumbless that they could prevent the gashing of their defense. The first play by the ‘Necks was a well-designed draw to RB Leon Jackson, who slipped past the blitzing Lewis and picked up 17 yards. But the coverage scheme of the Margaritas worked with All-Pro picking up consecutive sacks on first and second down to kill the ‘Neck drive.

Back on offense again, the Margaritas kept the game slow with a heavy dose of running. Mutt was having himself a great game, averaging 6 ypc on his running with an assist from the poor tackling of Knoxville’s linebackers. A very long drive kept the Knoxville offense off the field for almost the entire second quarter and a 3 yard Mutt run behind OG Lone Star tied the game at 14 heading into halftime.

In the third quarter, both teams got within 15 yards of scoring a TD, but neither was able to come away with 7 points. At the end of the 3rd, Jackson Jackson’s third long catch of the day gave Knoxville a first and goal from the 4. After two short gains up the middle, on 3rd down Leon Jackson was able to get some forward momentum behind OG Fort Sumter Jackson’s tremendous block on DT Sack U and scored to put Knoxville ahead by 7.

But San Antonio wasn’t finished yet. On their first play after the Knoxville TD, they threw a deep post to WR Primetime, who had been quiet most of the game. His route caught S Pass it Somewhere Else Jackson flat-footed and Primetime hauled in the bomb off a well-thrown Dipperson pass. Deion Jackson was able to eventually catch him from behind (fitting for Deion to catch Primetime), but not before he had given the Margaritas a first down on the ‘Neck 22 yard line. Four consecutive running plays later, the Margaritas tied it up on a 4 yard TD Mutt run.

The two teams each had short drives, and with only 3 minutes to go in regulation, Knoxville got the ball back with a final chance to score before overtime. Down the field Thumbless drove the ‘Necks. 8 yard out to JJ. 14 yard curl to Luke Jackson. 11 yard slant to JJ. On the next play, Thumbless had a beautiful pump fake to JJ, freezing S Godzilla Blitz as JJ strode right by him. But as he reared back to deliver what would surely be the go-ahead TD, he was blindsided by All-Pro who had bulled OT Nat Jackson over. The ball squirted loose and who else would be there to pick it up but Ray Lewis. A quick grab of the ball, a dodge of a sorry tackle attempt by Leon Jackson, and a speedy 53 yard run later gave San Antonio the ballgame 28-21. Another save for the Margaritas from their defense and a second consecutive tough loss for Knoxville to put a serious dent on their title aspirations for this year.

[digamma]

Two Thumbless turnovers resulting in two losing scores. Man.

[JAG]

Week 4 cont.

FG – EP

This turned out to be a close battle between two up-and-coming yet flawed teams. El Paso’s QB Dan McGwire showed why he is quickly becoming one of the most feared passers in the ZFL with his best performance of the year, carving up Fargo’s secondary to the tune of 324 yards, 3 TD’s, and 0 INTs. However, they weren’t able to break open the game on the ground thanks to the penetration from DT’s The Defense and Mr. Goodballs, plus the outstanding tackling of OLB The Jesus. The Busters could do no better than a pedestrian 54 yards on the ground with a 1 yard TD run from All-Pro FB Rashaan Salaam.

Interestingly, going against the QB that was drafted just before him seemed to energize El Poopiehead (either that or the pathetic El Paso pass rush), as he had one of his finest games, completing 58% of his passes as both WR Lobsterboy and Kaptain Insano eclipsed the 100 yard mark and scored a TD. Unfortunately for Poopiehead, he missed out on a third TD pass when the ball was thrown too low and was picked off by MLB Brian Bosworth. Fargo also experienced success running the ball, as the Ordinary Guys OT Chris and OG Ray got a strong push against the undersized DE Courtney Brown and DT Dan “Little Sister” Wilkinson. RB Glutton for Punishment had a strong day carrying the ball, finishing with 24 carries for 122 yards and 2 TD’s. Even with his fine day, it was the final play of the fourth quarter that everyone would remember from his performance. With seconds remaining in a 28-28 game and Fargo on the 3 yard line, GFP took the handoff behind the Ordinary Guy and appeared to have enough daylight to reach the end zone when who should come knifing in from the side but rookie OLB Eric Kumerow. The crowd ooh'ed as GFP crumpled at the strong take-down from Kumerow, falling just inches short of the end zone and leaving the game tied at the end of regulation. Bring on the kickers!

Xsquared of Fargo was starting to get used to his post-regulation jog to midfield as he prepared for his third overtime battle in four games this year. Scott “Missin’” Sisson didn’t look quite as comfortable as he has had a fairly inconsistent career to this point. When the contest of the day was announced, it did little to alleviate his feelings of unrest. The familiar U-shaped skateboarding track of typical skateboarding competitions was hastily put together at midfield for the kickers to try their ‘mad skillz’ at wowing the crowd and more importantly the referees.

However, the contest lacked for any high drama. Xsquared put on a dazzling show with the crowd gasping at move after move. Sisson looked like he was happy not to fall off the board and could give little more than a pedestrian effort. Fargo celebrated their second victory of the season with a 31-28 win as they moved to 2-2 while El Paso slipped to 1-3 amid their second consecutive loss.

Standings after week 4:

LR 4-0 (63)
SA 3-1 (24)
MW 3-1 (45)
BH 3-1 (52)
KX 2-2 (105)
CH 2-2 (101)
CN 1-3 (112)
AQ 2-2 (115)
EP 1-3 (122)
FG 2-2 (122)
LA 1-3 (140)
PT 0-4 (143)

[The Afoci]

And the chants of FARGO FARGO FARGO could be heard as far away as West Fargo.

[JeeberD]

:(

[JAG]

Week 5 Previews

Week 5 sees a couple of injured performed return to full strength, as S Dust Puppy looks to improve his horrible early season play and FB Josh Hackenstein should be more explosive off his blocks and running the ball after his recovery. Looking ahead to the games this week:

Portland vs. Knoxville - Dust Puppy better hope he's REALLY recovered as he will likely be in one-on-one coverage with WR Luke Jackson for most of the game.

Milwaukee vs. Los Angeles - Surely Milwaukee won't have to go to overtime a 5th time in 5 games to put away the lowly Stars...right?

Fargo vs. Little Rock - The schedule remains light for the Slick Willies this week as they play Fargo. However, if the Fighting Crawfish can get to overtime, they may have a chance with XSquared having a good run this season and Mr. Ed Jr. being a largely untested rookie.

San Antonio vs. Cincinnati - This one is for those of you who like train wrecks, NASCAR crashes, and Roseanne singing the National Anthem...it's going to be ugly and it's going to hurt.

El Paso vs. Chicago - There should be a lot of offense in this game with neither team having much of a pass rush and suspect run defenses. This might be the most even matchup of the week.

Albuquerque vs. Birmingham - The Isotopes have climbed back to 2-2 after a tough start to the season. However, not counting their own team, they've played four of the bottom five teams in the league. Birmingham showed it was able to get it done against the high-powered Rednecks and are favored to keep on their roll against Albuquerque.

[JeeberD]

Chicago shall crumble under the steely gaze of Dan McGwire!!!

[JAG]

Just wanted to check in with an update. The ZFL is still on the way, but was put on hold while I had had a couple of interviews the previous week, went overseas, and now picked up a cold. Pretty eventful, but things will be back on track in the next couple of days.

[revrew]

Glad to hear it. I'd hate to go through such an ugly rebuilding year with no immediate hope of getting to the draft.

[JeeberD]

Page 2 is not allowed for the Mighty ZFL...

[MIJB#19]

C'mon ZFL, stay alive!

[DolphinFan1]

ZFL ZFL ZFL ZFL

[The Afoci]

ZFL

[tucker342]

:(

[tucker342]

ZFL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[korme]

zeffle

[JeeberD]

Z












































F










































L





































!

[Swaggs]

It figures. The year that the Slick Willies finally break over .500, the ZFL folds.

[JAG]

*yoda-like voice*

"Where there is a folding, an unfolding there is too."

I'm sick of making promises I can't keep, but your patience will be rewarded.

[Swaggs]

*yoda-like voice*

"Where there is a folding, an unfolding there is too."

I'm sick of making promises I can't keep, but your patience will be rewarded.

Don't ruin this for me, JAG.

We've been undefeated for like 3 months now. No other team in ZFL history can make that claim. Take your time. :)

[JAG]

Unfortunately, life continues to keep changing in ways that reduce my time all the more (new house, trying to change careers). I don't think it's fair for everyone else, especially since you've all been waiting for so long as it is, so I'm going to step down as ZFL commish, either immediately or after the season (I don't feel like I can leave it hanging as it is). I apologize to you all.

[sachmo71]

Well? How are things looking now? ZFL!!!

[Swaggs]

Well? How are things looking now? ZFL!!!

Cruel, cruel bump.

Someday, Johnny Rotten will play again!

[JeeberD]

Dan McGwire is destined to be the best QB EVAR!

[illinifan999]

*looks at sig*

Best. Team. Ever.