Yum....Laser Blasters!

[The Afoci]

Thats right boys and girls, The Fighting Crawfish survived the first season, as you can read here (http://dynamic2.gamespy.com/~fof/forums/showthread.php?s=&threadid=6965). And now they are back for a second season. Enjoy...

[The Afoci]

The Return of Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws!

With news crews scrambling, people panicked in the streets screaming, his plan was working to perfection.

It was early in the morning, the 23rd of July in the year 2003. The day that will live in history as the day that Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws emerged from the depths of The New Fighting Crawfish Arena and began its reign of terror on the world, exluding Oceania as that was traded to a lucky bastard who won the YP lottery in exchange for some funding, but that isn't the point.

With dew still on the grass, two shadows formed on the pavement of the parking lot. The cameras focused in on the two men approaching them. TV reporters, stunned by what they were seeing, stumbled to come up with words to describe it, let me try to explain.

As these two men got closer to the camera crews, laser blasts were shooting in all directions, a pyrotechnics show could do no better, unless there budget exceeded $20. But the thing that made the situation even more bizarre was the clothing both were wearing.

The Afoci had on a tight blue suit of some sort with a hat that looked funny on his head. He also appeared to be walking with his hand down his pants. Normally, you would suspect that "You better guard your daughters or they will be" Les "their" Cherry's' to be the culprit, but in this one instance, he wasn't.

The other man, the so called "GM" or "Sidekick not named Number Two", Marmel was wearing baggy pants, a wife beater shirt, a visor upside down and backwards and a gold chain that clearly read Mean Streets of Hawley, Thug 4 Life. That is one big gold chain.

The reporters prepared to ask questions to the dynamic duo.

"What the hell is going on?" asked one reporter.

"Well" says The Afoci "It is quite simple, I am touching my Pee Pee.[/b]

"I see that" says the reporter, "But I meant with these creatures that are causing chaos all across the city?"

"I am Napoleon" says The Afoci "Only not French because I bathe, plus I won't surrender."

"Your still not answering my questions..." says the reporter getting pushier now.

"Have you ever ran you fingers over a freshly shaven sack?" asks The Afoci "It is wonderful, especially if it is your own and you aren't an alter boy anymore. I find that using nair on your nuts isn't nearly as effective as and waxing. Although more painful, the results are wonderfully smooth..."

"Are you going to answer my questions?" screams the reporter and then takes one step towards The Afoci.

Marmel steps in front of him and speaks. "My brother, let the playa be. You keep asking all these questions and you wreck a brothers buzz. Man, you need to chill your ass out before I chill it for you."

The reporter steps back after giving the obviously pale white man a weird look.

"I have am from the mean streets of Hawley and ain't scared to go to jail again punk!" screams Marmel.

"Oh, so your gay" says the reporter.

Marmel steps towards him to attack when The Afoci grabs him and they both take a few steps back as he tries to calm Marmel down some.

"I knew I shouldn't let you go through my closet and read watch Boyz in da hood before coming out here" starts The Afoci.

Marmel jumps in saying "But your Napoleon, how am I to compete with that."

"Good point, but remember, Chavez "the dope finding" Dog won't be able to give you those special visits in prison and you will have to toss the salad of some guy named The Af... Damn fantasy land, get back on track, oh yeah of some guy named Bubba I think." The Afoci turns to the report, "Is there a Bubba in jail that wants his salad tossed?"

"Umm" says the reporter "Fuck it, were going..."

"You get my point, stay cool Marmel" says The Afoci.

"Reporter guy!" screams The Afoci as he runs up to the report. When the report turns around The Afoci begins speaking.

"I am The Afoci the owner of The Fighting Crawfish Soccer Club. Seems harmless enough and I knew you guys wouldn't be looking here for what I am doing. But I have fooled you all. Your lack of knowledge and acceptance of soccer, the most popular sport in the world I might add, has lead to your demise. All this time I have dedicated my team of scientists and sweat shop labor force of French Canadians to build an army of Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws!!!! If you look here..." continues The Afoci as he reaches toward his pocket pulling out one of the mightly creatures.

The reporter laughs at the sight of it. Angry, The Afoci screams "Fire Blaster One!!!![/b]

Everyone jumps back and watches...and waits....and waits...and waits...

"Fire Blaster Two!!!!"

More silence. The reporter starts laughing. Just then a short man or tall midget comes waddling up to The Afoci and whispers something in his ear. The Afoci tinkers with the creature and then a smile comes to his face. He then points the mighty creature at the reporter and screams it one last time "Fire Blaster One!!!!!!"

With that, a mighty laser blast struck the reporter in the most horrible Spaceballs type blast imaginable and he drops to the ground in horrific pain.

"You will all fell the wrath of Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws, just not today, because we got a Cup Game to get too...."

And with that, the two return to the base and prepare to leave for the Cup Game.

The next day, the front page of the local newspaper simple had this picture you are about to see. They had terrorized to townspeople through out the night by pillaging and raping their assorted animals. The Year of The Crawfish is upon us...

http://www.iam-mac.com/imagestorage/CrawLogo.jpg

[Marmel]

I have not read this yet, but that is one SWEET logo!!!!!!

I am going to print it out, enlarge it and wall paper my bedroom ceiling with it tongiht before my wife gets home. I think it will be a pleasant surprise for her.

[The Afoci]

Oh yes, I would like to thank Eilim for this, he is the creator of it. It is pretty kick ass!

[Havok]

lol!! That logo rocks!!!!!!

[Superman=#54]

I think the Crawfish logo should have its own weekly T.V show. I wonder what we could call it.....

[Eilim]

Glad you liked the logo, Afoci. Sorry it took me almost a whole season to actually get it to ya. :(

*begins to grumble something about hard drives crashing*

-Eilim

[The Afoci]

Originally posted by Eilim
Glad you liked the logo, Afoci. Sorry it took me almost a whole season to actually get it to ya. :(

*begins to grumble something about hard drives crashing*

-Eilim

No worries it came just in time. Time for The Year of the Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws!!!!

[The Afoci]

Down with the Bots

5036 spectators had come to Pennsylvania Stadium this cloudy day. Pennsylvania had chosen a strategic 4-4-2 formation. They fielded: Renedo - Basham, Holman, Vidal, Stinson - Echave, Jean, Myrick, Barnes - Minton, Hoover.

Fighting had chosen a strategic 3-5-2 formation. Lineup: Holt - Ciripoi, de Oliveira, Rønningen - Uddstad, Danielsson, Kline, Woodson, Singletary - Rannem , Jones.

Ivar "Why can't my name be Ivan" Rannem gave the visitors the lead in the 12th minute with 0 - 1. The goal was scored from the penalty spot after a handball call in the penalty area when the opposing teams defender was caught trying to feel up Crawfish players. The visitors Ivar "Why can't my name be Ivan" Rannem took advantage of an error due to a misunderstanding between the home side´s goalie and full backs in the 18:th minute. 0 - 2 for Fighting because of language barriers, one spoke English, the other two spoke a rare chinese dialect only knowing in the deepest depths of LA. Some fine manouvering on the left lead to an 28:th minute Fighting goal, making it 0 - 3. Mikey Kline was noted down as the scorer. The structure of the game started to change as Fighting decided to let Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws meet their opponents in the defensive zone. After 36 minutes a combination in the middle resulted in a through ball for Ivar "Why can't my name be Ivan" Rannem who increased Fighting´s lead to 0 - 4. At that, Ivar "Why can't my name be Ivan" Rannem was noted down for a hat trick and did three cartwheels followed by a back flip. He was excited! 0 - 4 was the half-time score. The fortyfive minutes were dominated by Fighting, with an impressive 78 percent possession of the ball. The home coach begged the ref to tell the Crawfish to share, but he objected.

An indecisive goaltender, probably because he had a Crawfish attached to his sack, looked on as a free kick by Fighting´s Ivar "Why can't my name be Ivan" Rannem put the visitors up 0 - 5 after 48 minutes. The game had been on for 63 minutes when Elijah Jones broke through to the right, upping the score to the home crowd´s dismay, all three that remained. Fighting´s were up 0 - 6. Fighting´s Elijah Jones received a play slashing through the home side´s defense in the 64:th minute, chipping it past the keeper scoring 0 - 7. The home crowd was not pleased with that one and decide to commit suicide, a sad event. Fighting, bringing the final ball possession rate to 86 percent, dominated the battle. They obviously didn't want to share the ball, something they plan on not doing all season.

The most dominating Pennsylvania player was without a doubt Ian Stinson. Roy Vidal on the other hand, had a terrible day. Most important Fighting player was Tommy Holt. Gabriel Ciripoi was a disappointment, however. The match ends 0 - 7.

Game Notes

Overall, I am very happy with the game. We PIC'ed it to a weak midfield and that is with my best middie in weak form. I have picked up 2 more passable defenders for wingbacks, another passable forward and a solid winger to round out my starting squad for the season. I will review the players eventually, but just not now.

Reports from the Front Lines...

[A static filled TV report]

"Details are sketchy at best..." starts the reporter before being interupted by a static explosion across the screen, "But one thing is certain, Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws have begun attacking various parts of the City. This is all believed to be linked to a Soccer Club known as The Fighting Crawfish. They have around 950 people that support them and many other adoring fans. This reporter, however is not one of them! I always knew there was a reason to hated soccer and know I have solid proof. But back to the attacks, they seem to be focused on a few strategic areas in the town itself. One is broadcast towers, probably to limit the communication abilities of local police. The other attacks seem to be at food distribution centers. Oddly enough they only seem to be taking peanut butter from it.... AHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [a blast fills the screen and suddenly a Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws runs across the screen]. Damn it! I have been shot in the balls by a Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws! God Help Us All!!!!....

[The picture fades to black]

The Afoci gets up and walks towards the TV and turns towards the group of his closest advisors, Coach, Number Two and Marmel.

"The plan is working perfectly so far" he starts, "The cities peanut butter supplies are nearly all ours, we begin the house to house taking of it early next week and will expand out from there. The Stadium will be completed Saturday and will seat 27000 and that should fund us for remainder of the year quite nicely. MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAA!!!!"

[Marmel]

Marmel raises his hand......


Uhhh, Mr. The Afoci, sir, coach, lover, sir....did you make sure that I get the smooth Jif?....you know how I hate the crunchy kind.

[The Afoci]

Originally posted by Marmel
Marmel raises his hand......


Uhhh, Mr. The Afoci, sir, coach, lover, sir....did you make sure that I get the smooth Jif?....you know how I hate the crunchy kind.

We have every kind of peanut butter imaginable. That is one of the benifits of being the leader of an army of Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws!

[thealmighty]

You know, Marmel, if you put the Jif in the food processor for 10 seconds or there about, it will be even creamier. So creamy, in fact, that it is almost like not wearing a condom (you never know where Chavez "the dope finding" Dog has been)... or so I've heard. (the Food Network, late night, with Pamela Anderson, is very informative.)

[The Afoci]

Umm....

"I love to dance. It is so beautiful the way two bodies can just move in such perfect motion together" says The Afoci as he exhales and passes a small glass pipe to Marmel. "Mmmm, Sticky Sticky, its icky, but back to what I was saying. When I am on the floor, it is like everything else is still. I am the center of attention, and it don't matter that I am naked. Twelve dollars is totally worth it."

"I feel that" says Marmel passing it back "Thats deep man."

"Thanks for letting me share my feelings" The Afoci says. "Can we hug?"

"Sure" replies Marmel.

After a short hug and a few ackward moments that insued, Marmel looks up to The Afoci and starts to speak.

"Next time we naked hug, lets not take Viagra first."

They both nod and look at each other.

[The Afoci]

Vienna AC

Due to an all-day shower, 12793 paying spectators got to see a match on a pitch-turned-bog at Fighting Crawfish Arena. Fighting had chosen a strategic 3-5-2 formation. The following players had been chosen: Holt - Meldi, de Oliveira, Rønningen - Uddstad, Danielsson, Kline, Woodson, Apelerberg - Rannem , Jones.

Coyotes tactics involved an interesting 4-4-2 combination. The following players had been chosen: Rodsten - Mcguire, Madden, Säflius, Collins - Nilsson, Castaneda, Davis, Bech Jensen - Tait, Wilburn.

Coyotes took the lead in the games 13th minute with 0 - 1 after some elegant plays down the middle. Dean Wilburn was the scorer. Elijah Jones pulled a real crowd pleaser as he, in the 26:th minute, wove through the guests whole central defense line doing cartwheels and put the 1 - 1 equaliser away. The referee showed Coyotess Doyle Davis the yellow card after a particularly nasty challenge about which move was best in paper, rock, scissors. After 32 minutes Fightings Gustav Danielsson had to be carried off on a stretcher in agony when he attempted to attach a Crawfish to the sack of an opposing player, but missed and hit his own. Teddy Carney came in instead of him. After a fine move down the middle Elijah Jones nearly gave the home side one up in the 35:th minute. The finishing shot went just wide, though. After a fine move down the middle Ivar "Why can't my name be Ivan" Rannem nearly gave the home side one up in the 37:th minute. The finishing shot went just wide, though. Lars-Olof "Chris Gaines" Uddstad gave his Fighting the lead with 2 - 1, as he successfully challenged both the guests central defenders to a thumb war, then placed the ball unreachably at the goaltenders right post. 2 - 1 was the half-time score. Fighting, bringing the final ball possession rate to 64 percent, dominated the battle.

Fighting put themselves up 3 - 1 when Teddy Carney broke through on the right, leaving the entire defensive box behind him. Mikael Apelerberg sailed high, high above the opponents as he headed the 4-1 in after a corner kick after 84 minutes of play. Fighting put themselves up 5 - 1 when Gudmund Rønningen broke through on the right, leaving the entire defensive box behind him. The structure of the game started to change as Fighting decided to pull back and let their other team meet their Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws. Mattias Rodsten was caught getting a pre-lose drink a bit later as Ivar "Why can't my name be Ivan" Rannem lifted a ball over him after a free kick, but the ball hit the bar, rebounding into the keepers arms causing him to spill his beer. He was very pissed. In the game's 87:th minute Coyotes´s Doyle Davis limped slightly after a late challenge, but he was able to continue from fear of being attacked by the Crawfish attached to everyone on the sidelines sacks. Elijah Jones should probably have put his team up another goal in the 87:th minute, but some great goaltending by Mattias Rodsten kept the visitors in the game. Fighting held the ball, with a clear 71 percent possession rate.

The most dominating Fighting player was without a doubt Mikey Kline. João Fernando de Oliveira on the other hand, had a terrible day. The most dominating Coyotes player was without a doubt Bennie Madden. Russell Mcguire on the other hand, had a terrible day. The match ends 5 - 1.


Game Notes

We put up our first ever passable midfield, but the Cheesecake, our best division opponent put up an Excellent one. Hopefully we will have our best middie, an excellent stamina, excellent playmaker back in time for our game against the Orcs in 2 weeks. He is currently injured for 4 weeks, but we have 5 doctors trying to reassemble him and if we can make Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws, we can get him ready for that game.

[The Afoci]

Welcome

With rumors of Crawfish with Laser Blaster instead of Claws raping midgets spreading across the town, The Afoci felt he must speak to the public to calm the fear that the new invaders were nothing but savages. He sent out a squad of guards to round up a midget to bring as he would use him to show the solidarity of the Midgets and Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws. The only midget left was no other than the most famous midget in the world. That right folks, lets all welcome Bridgette the Midget to the dynasty!

So it was set to be, pornstar Bridgette the Midget and The Afoci would speak to the public to calm the fears of the rumors that had spread like Bridgette the Midgets' legs at a gang bang. The stage was set and The Afoci knew it was time. His first public appearance to a now conquered city of Fargo ND. It was only two nights ago the last defenses fell and he took control of the city. Luckily for him, most of the country think North Dakota is a foriegn country so the suffering there means nothing to them [/political commentary].

"People of Fargo" starts The Afoci on a warm summer day. The background is a mix of propoganda photos of Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws helping old ladies across the street and stills of the best of Bridgette the Midget I am a human pin cushion. "The rumors of Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws raping midgets is completely false. They would never do that and to show the unity we have with the midget population, I have for you Bridgette the Midget with me. She is an expert on sex and therefore must have unlimited knowledge on whether or not midgets are being raped or not. Now if you will give her a warm round of applause, she has a few words. Stick around for the after party as we will all play hide the penis in the midget. A game fun for all. If you have a penis. [mumbles from Marmel] What? Oh yes, yes, you have a penis Marmel...."

"Let me assure you we are" starts Bridgette the Midget "AHHHH!!!!!"

Right then a Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws jumps on her and begins dry humping her leg. After a short[ha midgets are short] scuffle, Marmel stands up and holds a dead Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws in his hands, tears streaming down his face.

"I didn't mean to kill him" Marmel says crying, "Its just that playing Hide the penis in the midget is my most favorite game and I haven't got to play that ever."

After about a half hour of playing, Marmel and The Afoci are talking.

"Do you think she thinks..." says The Afoci "You know.. Do you think she thinks we have big..."

"What are you trying to say?" asks Marmel "Come on we are both adults here, you can say. We can have a conversation about Penises and be civil...."

"Ha Ha Ha" screams The Afoci laughing out loud "You said penis. You must be gay penis sayer..."

[The Afoci]

Time to meet this years revised squad

After 2 sales gave the team a positive cash flow, The Afoci decided to add some players. After making 3 purchases for a total of 254k, this is the new squad starting with keeper and defense.

1-Tommy Holt

20 years old
Keeper: passable

He was a YP last season and gets me 3 stars a game when in passable form or better.

2-Mikey "Number Two" Denney

29 years
Keeper: inadequate

Back up keeper who was formerly the most trusted assistant under The Afoci. His inability to do anything right has allowed Marmel to take his spot.

3-Gabriel Ciripoi

27 years. [Head]

Stamina: solid Keeper: disastrous
Playmaking: inadequate Passing: wretched
Winger: inadequate Defending: passable
Scoring: weak Set Pieces: disastrous

Recently purchased for 15k. He is a specialist at head, thus a locker room favorite. The sores on his mouth have yet to be explained.

4-João Fernando de Oliveira

22 years

Stamina: solid Keeper: disastrous
Playmaking: poor Passing: weak
Winger: weak Defending: passable
Scoring: inadequate Set Pieces: inadequate

He will probably be moved to wingback once the new central defender gets his form up.

5-Gudmund Rønningen
19 years

Stamina: excellent Keeper: disastrous
Playmaking: weak Passing: weak
Winger: weak Defending: passable
Scoring: poor Set Pieces: weak

Recently purchased for 18k. Will play depending on his form.

6-Rafael Maria Meldi
31 years

Stamina: excellent Keeper: disastrous
Playmaking: poor Passing: passable
Winger: weak Defending: inadequate
Scoring: inadequate Set Pieces: weak

Has been the starting wingback because of excellent form for a couple of weeks, came back down and will be a b-teamer again.

7-"You better guard your daughters or they will be" Les "thier" Cherry"s"
19 years

Stamina: solid Keeper: disastrous
Playmaking: weak Passing: passable
Winger: poor Defending: inadequate
Scoring: poor Set Pieces: poor

One of the most popular Crawfish players, especially with the wives and daughters of opposing players. Never travels with the team as he is sent in early to infect opposing players with painful illness.

8-Ruud Ranta
30 years

Stamina: poor Keeper: wretched
Playmaking: passable Passing: weak
Winger: poor Defending: solid
Scoring: weak Set Pieces: inadequate

A recent purchase for 102k, he will hopefully raise the the defensive ratings and help slow the powerful offenses of the division.

[The Afoci]

Middies and Wingers

10-Mike Hager

19 years

Stamina: solid Keeper: disastrous
Playmaking: solid Passing: weak
Winger: wretched Defending: poor
Scoring: wretched Set Pieces: poor

A YP last season who just bumped to solid. Will start this week because of an injury and good form. Will go back to trainee after everyone is heeled.

11-Mikey Kline
23 years

Stamina: excellent Keeper: disastrous
Playmaking: passable Passing: passable
Winger: weak Defending: poor
Scoring: poor Set Pieces: solid

Although his stats don't show it, he is one of my best middies and recently got a 3 star performance. Will remain on the squad until the trainees pass him.

12-Gustav Danielsson
22 years

Stamina: excellent Keeper: disastrous
Playmaking: excellent Passing: wretched
Winger: poor Defending: weak
Scoring: inadequate Set Pieces: poor

Recently injured for 3 weeks, this student of cocky and funny is the best talent on the team. He was the teams first excellent. Is close friends with Hornsmaniac_2

13-Dan Woodson
19 years

Stamina: solid Keeper: disastrous
Playmaking: solid Passing: inadequate
Winger: poor Defending: passable
Scoring: poor Set Pieces: poor

A great talent that has the ability to play offensive or defensive. A recent 3 star performer.

14- Christian Rossi
26 years

Stamina: passable Keeper: disastrous
Playmaking: inadequate Passing: inadequate
Winger: inadequate Defending: inadequate
Scoring: weak Set Pieces: poor

A reserve winger with a tendency to get injured for long periods of time.

15-Lars-Olof "Chris Gaines" Uddstad
20 years

Stamina: excellent Keeper: disastrous
Playmaking: inadequate Passing: inadequate
Winger: inadequate Defending: wretched
Scoring: poor Set Pieces: poor

A rock star/soccer player who recieves 2 1/2 stars as an offensive winger. Will reach passable playmaking by midseason. May have to be a b-teamer with recent purchases surpasing his ability.

16-Florian Wylie
20 years

Stamina: weak Keeper: disastrous
Playmaking: solid Passing: inadequate
Winger: weak Defending: weak
Scoring: disastrous Set Pieces: weak

A YP last season who will be sold at the beginning of next season with improved stamina.

17-Taylor Singletary
18 years

Stamina: solid Keeper: disastrous
Playmaking: passable Passing: weak
Winger: inadequate Defending: weak
Scoring: weak Set Pieces: disastrous

A YP last season who will eventually become a winger towards the middle in about 2 or 3 seasons.

18-Teddy "I am a" Carney
20 years

Stamina: passable Keeper: disastrous
Playmaking: solid Passing: poor
Winger: wretched Defending: poor
Scoring: wretched Set Pieces: poor

A YP last season who loves to run the local fairs to make extra money. Will fill in with good stamina.

19-Andy Frederick
31 years

Stamina: excellent Keeper: wretched
Playmaking: inadequate Passing: passable
Winger: solid Defending: weak
Scoring: weak Set Pieces: poor

A recent purchase for 50K. Is in bad form now, but will hopefully start in a week or two.

20-Mikael Apelerberg
31 years

Stamina: solid Keeper: wretched
Playmaking: poor Passing: poor
Winger: solid Defending: poor
Scoring: weak Set Pieces: inadequate

Purchased for 3K, his leadership and experience have made him team captain. Gets 2 1/2 stars as and offensive winger.

[illinifan999]

I keep forgetting I need to wear a diaper when reading this. ;)

[The Afoci]

Forwards

21-Elijah Jones
26 years

Stamina: passable Keeper: disastrous
Playmaking: poor Passing: poor
Winger: weak Defending: weak
Scoring: passable Set Pieces: inadequate

A recent purchase for 3K, he will rotate in and out depending on form.

22-Christian Karlstad
30 years

Stamina: solid Keeper: wretched
Playmaking: inadequate Passing: inadequate
Winger: weak Defending: wretched
Scoring: solid Set Pieces: poor

A recent purchase for 102k. Was a consistant 3 star performer and I hope that continues. My first ever solid scorer.

23-Norbert Darden
26 years

Stamina: solid Keeper: disastrous
Playmaking: poor Passing: weak
Winger: disastrous Defending: poor
Scoring: inadequate Set Pieces: disastrous

A b-teamer.

24-Ivar "Why can't my name be Ivan" Rannem
20 years

Stamina: excellent Keeper: disastrous
Playmaking: poor Passing: inadequate
Winger: weak Defending: wretched
Scoring: passable Set Pieces: solid

Normal starter and at one time thought to be the next in line to be the trusted assistant of The Afoci. Poor performances on the field last year in have dropped those chances. Recently he has been playing the best soccer of his life and is looking to be more involved in the other side of The Fighting Crawfish.

[The Afoci]

Originally posted by illinifan999
I keep forgetting I need to wear a diaper when reading this. ;)

I do not claim responsibility for side effects of associating yourself with Crawfish players. It is a known risk.

Thanks for reading too.

[The Afoci]

Two more victories

After a victory in last weeks cup game along with this weeks league game, we are now going into two very important matches with Paridise on Earth team spirit. The first is a very winnable cup match against GM-Spidurman and the second is against the Orcs. The cup game will be a PIC with starters and the Orcs will get my starters played normal. With any luck, our new 27000 seat stadium will get 3 sellouts in a row with cup game, league game and cup game. That way, I will be able to add some more players before I have to face the Cheesecake who will be coming off a 3 week stretch of PICs.

The Bus is on its way back to Fargo

The Afoci sits in the Secret Hide Out not so far from the New Fighting Crawfish Arena. The television shows the pictures of Crawfish spreading throughout the entire state of North Dakota. There is but one strong hold left, and The Afoci plans to head up the attack himself. Soon, Marmel, The Afoci, Number Two, and Coach will take their men...ur [b]Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws to the last stronghold in all of North Dakota.

[The Afoci]

North Dakota has fallen to the Army Of Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead Claws...

...and does anyone care.

"This reporter for one doesn't" says the reporter on the large television that the 4 generals in the Army of Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws circled around. "And despite reports from the leader of the group, a shady character named The Afoci, a name that sound slightly Italian but he is painfully Norwegian, saying that the world will fall, I somehow doubt it. After this commercial break, I will detail to all 3 of our viewers how the take over of North Dakota was accomplished and the actions of its new found rulers..." As the reporter put his microphone down and before the show went to commercial it could be heard "What a bunch of morons..."

The four great Generals of The Army of Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws, Marmel, Number Two, Coach and The Afoci sat and smiled. They had accomplished the first step to what will be their domination of the globe. North Dakota.

"I hope they show me leading my troops into the zoo." Says an excited Number Two "Like I told you it was a hard fought battle that could have gone either way."

"I hope they show me trying to calm the civilians down after that small apartment fire" says Coach looking proud. "I needed to stay calm, so the people would stay calm and see we weren't all bad and support us in the future."

"I hope they show me distributing Peanut Butter to the masses" says Marmel. "I was trying to show the generosity of the Crawfish Regime."

"I hope they show my maturity on how I handled the final surrender of the leaders of North Dakota and how I was humble so they wouldn't look for revenge in the future" says The Afoci. "It shows we are a compassionate aggressor."

"Oh oh, its back on" says Number Two "Quiet..."

"Now back to 'Dumbasses in the North, How North Dakota Fell!"

"We are the dumbasses!" and elated Number Two says.

After they all tell him to shut up, the reporter comes on the screen.

"We have only 30 minutes to show this story and we have decided to show you four major incidents in the fall of North Dakota. First we will go out to the Zoo of all places where one of the leaders named Number Two did....Well I am not really sure, the footage will show it better than I can say. Roll the footage."

Number Two sits up looking around smiling.

A panic scene fills the screen as Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws are shown attacking and people are running and screaming when suddenly, Number Two appears to be running away from the battle that was for a major road way and bridge towards the Zoo. He is flanked by his private guard, two highly trained Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws.

"All your animals are mine suckas!" Screams a running Number Two as he runs past the gate and into the Zoo. He is shown going up to numerous cages and then going to the next. He finally stops at one. It is the ape cage. The camera zooms in on the three large apes and Number Two.

"Hey ladies" says a sly talking Number Two as he opens the back of the gate and walks in. He is carrying a bunch of bananas. What is seen next is tough to describe, but it involved this. "You like that, I like how you suck on that banana....What...NO... GOD....NOOO, Don't make a chocolate banana....AGH!!!!!!" What followed looked like a gang bang as what Number Two didn't realize was he went into a cage of Mexican Gay Ass Raping Apes.

"As you can see" says the reporter "the world should be alright with this guy as an enemy."

"The camera angle..." starts a flustered Number Two "Umm, it wasn't as bad as it looks, I was in control, wait look, they are showing something else now..."

The other three, disgusted look towards the screen.

"The next footage is a small apartment fire in Fargo." says the reporter. "Again, I really can't explain it, so just watch. Roll the footage."

The scene starts out with Coach standing on a large rock watching over the battle field screaming out commands which the agile Army of Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws moved to with great precision. The battle was the last one Fargo City Limits and it was obvious that they were winning when suddenly a fire broke out in a building on the street. Soon Coach realized it was apartment building for elderly people. The fire wasn't massive by any means and more than likely had nothing to do with the battle going on in the streets outside of it. It probably had more to do with an old lady setting her stove on fire. Now seeing this as a prime chance to show his compassion for the people Coach rushed in to the burning building and located the apartment where the fire was contained too.

"Don't worry, I will save you!" says Coach as he rushes to the lady who has a fire extinguisher in her grasp and is handling the small fire fine. "Don't resist me, I am trying to save your life!" After a small altercation, involving Coach and a 90 some year old lady, he emerges alone, but the fire is out. He speaks to the reporters standing around saying how his humanitarian mission saved the lives of the elderly in the building. But as he walked away, closer to the view of the camera filming him, it appeared that something was following him. It was red and had a cord of some sort that appeared to go from the red object dragging on the ground up towards his midsection. As he got closer, it appeared that the fire extinguisher had extinguished the any burning sensations his ass may have had.

"Again" the reporter says, "the world appears to be in no real danger. This next footage is highly disturbing and I recommend no one watch it. It is one of the generals named Marmel doing something so unthinkable that....I just can't say it, watch the footage if you must, Roll that footage."

It stats out as what could be seen as a humanitarian mission. Marmel is shown on the top of a large supply truck driving down the middle of the city throwing Peanut Butter to the people who line the streets. Everything is going fine until the truck stops and numerous Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws rush out of it and towards the pound.

Marmel then steps off the truck and informs the 10 or 15 people that what is about to happen will be the greatest experience in their lives. He instructs them all to drop their pants and smear the peanut butter over their privates and wait. Scared, all follow. When all of a sudden hundreds of hungry dogs come running from the pound. The scene then turns to carnage! Screams can be heard. "Ah, my sack has been punctured!" "My balls are missing, has anyone seen my balls!" "The dogs took my dick, I have no dick!"

Soon, the pack of dogs moved on and what can be seen is similar to the opening scene in Saving Private Ryan, or was it Saving Ryan’s Privates, either way. There where men picking up pieces and putting it where their pieces once where. The scene ends with Marmel screaming for joy "I found a bigger one!"

Smiling Marmel looks to the three sitting around him, "Its huge!"

They others shake their heads and look back as the reporter starts to speak again.

"I have nothing to say as I am completely dumbfounded and feel dumber having to cover this story, no one cares about North Dakota, is anyone even watching this" he says tapping on the camera lens. "Anyway, thankfully, we only have one more scene left, it is the footage of the surrender of North Dakota to the Leader of The Army of Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws, The Afoci. Roll the footage!

The Afoci in a room with a few other gentlemen who are all in suits. The Afoci is in is Napoleon outfit, but to look cool, he is wearing the hat backwards. His hand is down his pants and at points it appears he may be masturbating.

"So let me get this straight" says one of the men, "Your surrender demands are as follows: One, North Dakota is now yours. Two, you demand a payment of 100 metric tons of peanut butter per month to stop your advance to other states. Three, you want good weed, the really good stuff the government grows but doesn't give to the people, the stuff they keep for themselves. Four, you want medical insurance to cover human/animal relationships. Five, you want a personal meeting with Jesus to discuss the afterlife and if it is really necessary. Six, I have to pull your finger. Seven, Cocky and Funny will be taught in schools nationwide instead of Sex Ed. Okay, half these things we can't do."

"I understand" says The Afoci "I am not here to embarrass you, I am here to negotiate a fair and proper end to this war....oh, oh, damn, I am good, want a taste?" he asks extending his hand towards the men.

They all decline, "Yuk, too much red meat lately, anyway, where was I yes, Pull my finger."

They do and The Afoci farts... Or does he...

"Whoa, buddy, I think we got issues, does it look like I crapped myself. That one feels a little wet."

He turns around and bends over and a wet spot is visible on the back of his pants. He keeps bending over asking and everyone is looking away, "Tell me, come on guys, don't tell me you never accidentally slipped one by!" As he stays bent over, his extremely tight pants appear to be starting to split some. Suddenly, another blast comes from his ass splitting his pants apart and spraying everyone with Taco Bell residue. The men disgusted get up and walk out, "Take it, we don't want North Dakota anyway..."

"As you can see, there is no reason to panic. These jackasses are completely worthless and pose no threat. May God have mercy on me for even doing this. Good night folks!" says the report shaking his head.

The Afoci gets up and shuts the television off.

"All in all, I think it was a pretty fair report." says The Afoci "They didn't focus on the negative aspects, they did show a lot of the good things we did too."

Everyone nods in agreement.

[Eilim]

Sometimes after reading this thread, I don't know if I should laugh, cry, or run in terror.

[NevStar]

I think I found a new mascot for your team, Afoci.

http://www.spcawake.org/dogs4.html

[The Afoci]

Originally posted by NevStar
I think I found a new mascot for your team, Afoci.

http://www.spcawake.org/dogs4.html

That page makes me tingle.

[Marmel]

I just adopted all 437 dogs they had available.

[The Afoci]

Cup match and training update

I beat GM-Spidurman in the Cup 3-1 with a PIC and now have POE TS. I got a passable midfield and was overly excited.

In training, Florian Wylie is now an excellent PM. He only has weak stamina, so he will need another season of stamina training before he could start.

[Marmel]

Originally posted by The Afoci
Cup match and training update

I beat GM-Spidurman in the Cup 3-1 with a PIC and now have POE TS. I got a passable midfield and was overly excited.

In training, Florian Wylie is now an excellent PM. He only has weak stamina, so he will need another season of stamina training before he could start.


I know I am one of the coaches and all, but can you translate that into English please?

[The Afoci]

I saw one of the other hattrickers post that, so I copied it hoping I would look cool. Did it work?

[Marmel]

Yes, I actually though you knew how to run this team for a minute. Well done!!!!

[The Afoci]

Originally posted by Marmel
Yes, I actually though you knew how to run this team for a minute. Well done!!!!

The Fighting Crawfish Coaches and Management: Smoke and Mirrors baby. And peanut butter.

[TargetPractice6]

Now that you have a strong foothold in North Dakota you can probably easily conquer the other states nobody cares about: South Dakota, Montana, Wyoming and Canada.

[TargetPractice6]

dola,

Spent much of the day reading through the first thread (yes, the whole thing). Fun stuff :D

[The Afoci]

The Orcs...

17836 spectators had found their way to Fighting Crawfish Arena, despite the heavy rain. Fighting started off with a 3-5-2 lineup. The following players had been chosen: Holt - de Oliveira, Cherry, Rønningen - Uddstad, Kline, Woodson, Hager, Apelerberg - Rannem , Karlstad.

Orcs had chosen a strategic 3-5-2 formation. They fielded: Tuttle - Lyhskär, Gottin, Stuart - Rusu, Sanguesa, Lönnén, bin Mohamed, Whitman - Nederhall, Cãpusa.

After a fine move down the middle "You better guard your daughters or they will be" Les "their" Cherry"s" nearly gave the home side one up in the 35:th minute. The finishing shot went just wide, though. The referee showed Fightings Mikey Kline the yellow card after a particularly nasty challenge involving who had the highest score ever on Donkey Kong. The home side put themselves ahead 1 - 0 in the 39:th by a breakthrough from Dan Woodson, who unaided came in out of the right wing hooking the ball over the visitors keeper. A speedy charge from the left side of the field put Fighting lead up with 2 - 0. Lars-Olof "Chris Gaines" Uddstad finished that one off competently, firing from an acute angle. The teams went for a half-time break at 2 - 0. Fighting held the ball, with a clear 61 percent possession rate.

Conrad Tuttle was caught trying to take a Crawfish off his sack as Ivar "Why can't my name be Ivan" Rannem lifted a ball over him after a free kick, but the ball hit the bar, rebounding into the keepers arms. Mikael Apelerberg increased Fightings lead to 3 - 0 by putting a header away on a hooked ball from the right. Mikey Kline of Fighting got sent off for kicking the ball after the whistle, a completely uncalled for move, earning him his second yellow card of the game. He then began to dance a dance of funk, as was his want. Ivar "Why can't my name be Ivan" Rannem increased Fightings lead to 4 - 0 by putting a header away on a hooked ball from the right. After this Fighting lowered the tempo in order to concentrate on their defensive efforts and the placement of Crawfish on the oppositions sacks! In the games 71st minute Fighting´s Gudmund Rønningen fell dramatically just outside the penalty area. However, the referee booked Gudmund Rønningen for taking a dive. A speedy charge from the left side of the field put Fighting lead up with 5 - 0. Ivar "Why can't my name be Ivan" Rannem finished that one off competently, firing from an acute angle. Unsportsmanlike behaviour by Gudmund Rønningen rendered him his second booking of the match, and Fighting had to finish the game with a reduced squad. He also choose to dance, though his dance of choice was square. An odd and interesting view since it was only him. Fighting held the ball, with a clear 54 percent possession rate.

Most important Fighting player was Dan Woodson. João Fernando de Oliveira on the other hand, had a terrible day. Most important Orcs player was Bãdunã Rusu. However, Conrad Tuttle made a disastrous appearance. The match ends 5 - 0.


Notes

I put up my first solid midfield, even with the loss of a top midfielder.

Our upcoming cup match will definately be a challenge. I am planning on playing it normal, as a victory will be good for the pocket book and would also help by giving me two more PIC prior to the game against the Cheesecake in two weeks(league game sunday and next cup match). That way, I could go into that match with delirious TS and should be able to beat them.

[The Afoci]

I was watching...

A dark figure approaches another dark figure outside of the New Fighting Crawfish Arena.

"Let me tell you what I say" he says "I was watching as..."

The Afoci walks slowly to his love, laying on the bed in the Secret Hide out not so far from the New Fighting Crawfish Arena. The lighting in the room is dim and the music is love songs of Vanilla Ice and other assorted white rappers of the early 90's. A truly classic album that every sensitive man should have. Its a steal at only 4.99 in the bargain bin at any proper gas station selling CD's.

"Let me show you my love" says The Afoci as he turns the music on, "It would best be described by dance."

As the music so beautifully flowed from the boom box, The Afoci put his heart on the dance floor that night. It was perhaps the finest Stir The Pot move anyone had ever done. He followed it up with the staple of any good dancer, The Lawnmower. His next move was a lesser known, more difficult to perfect move known as The Sprinkler. As the beat broke down, it was overly obvious that it was time for The Weedwacker. The Afoci didn't disappoint. But something happened well attempting his newest dance move. A dance move that no one had tried before. The Afoci had told people he was working on it, and they all told him it was crazy. It was just too dangerous. But The Afoci wouldn't listen, he was born to dance and dance is what he did, that is when he wasn't conquering the world with an Army of Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws.

As the beat picked back up, The Afoci's eyes good bright. It was time. All the practice lead up to this point. He was about to try for the first time in a love dance, try the Air Guitar Cartwheel into a Sprinkler that twists to a Lawnmower/Weedwacker and finishes with a Backflip! Everything went fine up until the backflip. That is when he slipped on his high heels and lands on his head on the back flip. One of his shoes flies into the air and comes down on his love!

And with one great scream and one great explosion, the nights love was over. The Afoci screamed as he hit the ground, and an explosion occured as his high heel put a hole in his love. The noise of her deflating, deflated his expectations for the night.

"...And the last thing I heard as I was sneaking out was 'My love is deflating! NO! You don't know how hard it is to come by a Hornsmaniac_2 blow up doll with real Down on my luck because I was fired and my wife is pregnant so I am now a man whore, stick it in my mouth and ass and leave the five dollars on the counter and send the next guy in as you leave please action.'" said the man. "And that is true, that doll has been on backorder for over 6 months!"

They both start laughing and run into the darkness. Could someone be trying to scheme against the Crawfish Empire? But who?

[The Afoci]

Who is this man?

There is one man, but know one knows who he is. He has been sending letters and making calls to the media about what he has seen. The Afoci is steaming over the fact that numerous people know of his most erotic moments with his favorite blow up doll. Everyone knows those should be private. Not only that, it is rumored that this man had tipped off the opposing team to the tactics that would be used by the Crawfish leading to a 5-0 loss. Who is this man scheming to humiliate the Fighting Crawfish and what does he have against The Afoci and Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws?

[Marmel]

Send me out to find him Chief. I can get the job done! *tripping over a pile of dog leashes* Heh. How did these get here? *blushing*

[The Afoci]

Originally posted by Marmel
Send me out to find him Chief. I can get the job done! *tripping over a pile of dog leashes* Heh. How did these get here? *blushing*

Damn those leashes, you must be getting back into your S&M phase again, and we remember what happened last time don't we. I don't want to have to go to the emergency room at 3 a.m. again because you have a weiner dog stuck in your ass. What is weird is that it was a female weiner dog, so I can't really blame you, who knew that would happen?

[Marmel]

I cannot top you for funny-ness. :D

[The Afoci]

Originally posted by Marmel
I cannot top you for funny-ness. :D

Ah! I feel special.

[TargetPractice6]

Speaking of leashes, what has Chavez "the dope finding" Dog been up to lately? He's only been mentioned once in Part II.

[The Afoci]

Originally posted by TargetPractice6
Speaking of leashes, what has Chavez "the dope finding" Dog been up to lately? He's only been mentioned once in Part II.

That is a good point. I will have to bring him back soon. Chavez "the dope finding" Dog will return...

[Poli]

Funny you should mention that there's been no mention of Chavez Dog lately. I never see mention of Jerome Bettis or the North County Raiders.

What's the deal? I'm getting more peanut butter than any small country could consume in a year, but there's no mention of the Raiders.

[The Afoci]

Originally posted by ardent enthusiast
Funny you should mention that there's been no mention of Chavez Dog lately. I never see mention of Jerome Bettis or the North County Raiders.

What's the deal? I'm getting more peanut butter than any small country could consume in a year, but there's no mention of the Raiders.

Jerome doesn't have what it takes to make it in the world of Crawfish.

[The Afoci]

Hmmm, sounds fun....

After the Fighting Crawfish got a nice and easy victory on Sunday, the battle of V.77 titans is set. Both teams have 12 points on the season and it will decide who gets to move to DIV and who gets to stay in DV. Now as is custom, the Pre-Victory Party will begin soon and will be held at the new 27,000 seat arena in Fargo ND. If you have anyone you would like to attend, just sign them up. This sign up is for both this one and the next match up.

On a sad note, Dan Woodson, one of my best middies and youngest as well, was injured for 3 weeks. His injury appears to be some sort of sabotage. Rumors are circulating that it is the same guy who has been after The Crawfish since the take over of North Dakota. This man must be found. Currently there is a reward of 100 Tons of Peanut Butter and usage of Marmel and Chavez "the dope finding" Dog for a week. Just please return them both in one peice.

[Nyarlahotep]

Arkham will be sending Chip Shook and Al Krebs as representatives.

[TargetPractice6]

The Airborne Penguins will be sending...

Mitchell Bautista, once on the USA national team, now just a declining winger. Rumur has it that he's a wild party animal though.

and

Huey Poe, another aging player who never had very good skills to begin with. We just keep him around because he was an original AP. He's kind of a stiff, but this peanut butter thing has him intrigued...

[The Afoci]

Rumors are spreading that the person or persons sabotaging The Fighting Crawfish will be at the Pre-Victory Party. As it appears turn out will be a little on the light side this year, they shouldn't be hard to find...

[Poli]

Originally posted by The Afoci
Hmmm, sounds fun....
Now as is custom, the Pre-Victory Party will begin soon and will be held at the new 27,000 seat arena in Fargo ND. If you have anyone you would like to attend, just sign them up. This sign up is for both this one and the next match up.


I have two people I'd like to sign up:

1. Your mom. :)

2. Forrest Gump. He should like all the crawfish.]

Edit:

I'd like to send Jerome Bettis as well. Someone needs to police the area.

[The Afoci]

Originally posted by ardent enthusiast
I have two people I'd like to sign up:

1. Your mom. :)


She can't come unless you clean her up this time. And please, try to sober her up some before you send her.

[Coffee Warlord]

Galesburg will once again send two representatives. Kenneth Loven and Ken Shaffer have been forbidden to attend, due to health problems from last event.

Instead...

Dom 'Damn Am I' Goode, starting striker. He gave himself that nickname. We still wonder about him.

Arden 'Tenthusiast' Tirado, starting keeper. He's fresh off the DL, and need booze, booze, and more booze!

[Poli]

Originally posted by The Afoci
She can't come unless you clean her up this time. And please, try to sober her up some before you send her.

I always return the merchandise in good repair. If she's drunk, it's because she was that way before we picked her up. :)

[The Afoci]

Originally posted by ardent enthusiast
I always return the merchandise in good repair. If she's drunk, it's because she was that way before we picked her up. :)

I kind of figured, the strip club said she was scaring clients again. Damn lefse makers.

[Marmel]

I didn't know the last party had ended. :(

[The Afoci]

Originally posted by Marmel
I didn't know the last party had ended. :(

That is for the outsiders, the rest of us live like rockstars. Peanut Butter and Dogs to excess. Just like every Behind the Music.

[Marmel]

Am I an insider? I thought I just ran laps with the team. By the way, Cherry has the stamina of a......well.......uhhh......he has a lot of stamina.

Too bad that guy, #12, I dont know his name, he cannot do half a lap without getting winded. I put him on free kick practice instead, so he could perfect his goal scoring techinque. It seemed like practice was going well, but he kept muttering something about being a fucking goaltender.

These soccer players have their own language, don't they? Anyway, he might score a lot of goals for us now. I hope you are proud. I have this guy thinking all offense!!!!

[Marmel]

Oh, and I forgot to tell you, I have been making sme executive decisions without checking with you first. I am trying to show you I can really help you take over the world and win kick ball games.

First, I cancelled the peanut butter giveaway game. I don't think we can spare the peanut butter.

Second, I stopped sending money to the youth squad. I think we should pour our money into 82 psych coaches, so I hired a bunch of those guys with the youth money you were spending.

Further, I changed our training to a 4-4-2. It is so more asthetically pleasing to watch, don't you think? So balanced, all even numbers. We cannot go wrong here.

Finally, I thought we would be better off with a smaller stadium so the fans could all be close to the grass and up close to the action. I sent in plans to modify the stadium down to 500 seats.

[Marmel]

Oh, and 1 more thing, The Afoci. I took at look at your lineup card and it was all wrong. The guys were all out of order.

don't worry though, I submitted a new lineup and all the players are placed on the field in alphabetically order, nice and neat, and now everybody knws where to lineup. :)

[The Afoci]

All these changes look great. I knew there was a reason to promote you to head of soccer relations. That, along with your title of Head from Dogs because Peanut Butter is on my Sack, you will go places. Those are big items on a resume.

[Marmel]

Woohoo! I knew I would make you proud.

Next training session: Field Goals, baby!! Field goals!

[The Afoci]

Originally posted by Marmel
Woohoo! I knew I would make you proud.

Next training session: Field Goals, baby!! Field goals!

I think we should work on the statue of liberty. I love trick plays.

[Marmel]

I think I have come up with the perfect trick play:


X X
\ |
-| \ | - X
|o X o
| - - |
>o |--o

|goal |
|____|

[The Afoci]

Originally posted by Marmel
I think I have come up with the perfect trick play:


X X
\ |
-| \ | - X
|o X o
| - - |
>o |--o

|goal |
|____|

Looks good, but where he goes left, I think he should go right. The summersault should be replaced by a backflip. Other than that, everything is great.

[Poli]

Originally posted by Marmel
I think I have come up with the perfect trick play:


X X
\ |
-| \ | - X
|o X o
| - - |
>o |--o

|goal |
|____|

Don't you realize that's run and shoot football?!?!?! Copy cats!

[The Afoci]

Breaking News from Fargo ND!

Late last night after the Fighting Crawfish destroyed the number one team in DV77 in Sweden at the New Fighting Crawfish Arena, the 3rd Pre-Victory Party begun for the fourth meeting of the Crawfish/Cheesecake meeting dubbed Crawfish/Cheesecake V. About an hour into the festivities a explosion was heard and the party quickly came to a hault. Reports of Deaths were denied, but some injuries were confirmed. All we know right now is that it is the work of 'Someone who is against the Empire of Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws!' said Crawfish leader The Afoci. Stay tuned for an update on exactly what happened...

[The Afoci]

What the hell just happened?

With Skid Row's Youth Gone Wild being covered by a local country/polka/ska/punk band in the background the roar of the Stud Bus could be heard. As the door opened, the glare of the pink and purple plush interior nearly blinded all that had attended that Third Semi-Annual Pre Victory Party for the Fourth Meeting of the Crawfish and Cheesecake dubbed Crawfish/Cheesecake V. As the featured speaker of the night stepped out of the bus, his clothing the latest fashions from K-mart being he is no longer employed and his wife is pregnant from someone she met on the internet who is neither cocky nor funny, Hornsmaniac_2 begun his speech. He was pushing his new book on Male/Shemale relationships stressing the importance of cleaning your strap-on due to infection that can give you a lazy eye. The crowd was nearly in tears.

But not everyone was crying. A select few were missing from the crowd. One was Arkham's Al "I got is" Krebs "so it isn't as bad as it seems baby". He was last seen wondering back stage with a bong trying to hit on a blowup doll. Reports say he got pissed it didn't respond and he knifed it. Upon deflation, he tried sneaking the corpse out of the party to dispose of it properly, fearing the repercussions of destroying a perfectly good sex toy. But could this be a enough to turn a man against the Empire of Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws?


Another person missing was the Airborne Penguins Huey "I wish a dog would lick peanut butter off my" Poe. Was last seen fighting with Marmel over the benefits of crunchy peanut butter compared to smooth peanut butter. He stormed off with his can of Crunchy Jif in search of what he loves best: 'A little Mexican dog, I love the accent in the bark baby'. But could this be a enough to turn a man against the Empire of Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws?


Even North County Raider, Jerome Bettis was missing. He was last seen drunk running around with a diaper on. Obviously he learned his lesson after the last party and was prepared this time. He did however get into a scuffle with a security guard as he tried to enter the Secret Hide Out not so far from the Fighting Crawfish Arena. He was begging to see the New Kids on the Block Shrine Room. But could this be a enough to turn a man against the Empire of Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws?


Oddly enough, Galesburg's Dom 'Damn Am I' Goode left shortly before Hornsmaniac_2 arrived. He claimed to be allergic to cheap cologne which is a trademark of anyone in a male/shemale relationship. But the dress he was wearing lead me to believe he may have had a history with Hornsmaniac_2 before that lead him to not want to see him again. But could this be a enough to turn a man against the Empire of Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws?

Golden Eagle and Ronnie Dobbs themselves arrived at the party and was seen looking over the luxury seats that were given to the earliest Crawfish supporters, Havok and BoB. Being a recent supporter themselves, they were seen trying to get to the top secret supporter area that has a 1 month waiting period to get into. But could this be a enough to turn a man against the Empire of Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws?

Blade6119 showed up screaming how he was going to crush the bombers in Sundays match. He then pulled out a can of generic Peanut Butter and screamed "Lets Party". Everyone looked at him and started to make fun of him because they only party with Jif. He walked away embarrassed. But could this be a enough to turn a man against the Empire of Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws?

Houston Hippopotami’s Mick Starks was seen backstage right before the explosion. But nothing unusual happened with him. He was seen with a Crawfish attached to his sack, was molested by a dope finding dog named Chavez, and was shot in the ass by a Crawfish with Laser Blaster instead of Claws. But could this be a enough to turn a man against the Empire of Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws?

Now the explosion happened right after Hornsmaniac_2 finished the first half of his speech. Hornsmaniac_2 was last seen running towards his bus, bald, and on fire. Apparently his wig went up in the explosion.

Who could have done this? Who would want to ruin a perfectly good Pre Victory Party? Who is so against the Empire of Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws that he would try to blow up Hornsmaniac_2? We will find out soon enough.

[Poli]

Who could have done this? I'll tell you who...it was your mom!

Yes, while I had Jerome Bettis distracting everyone with his diaper and parading as a drunk, I had your mom rigging the place with explosives...and you thought she was drunk! No, my crawdead, she was sober! Sober enough to rig some of the explosives, anyway. Apparently, since your stadium is still around, it didn't work out the way I wanted to.

Regardless, let this be a lesson to you: Quit sending me peanut butter, or their will be more explosions! And get rid of HM2. Please, couldn't you just hire Billy Madison?

[Nyarlahotep]

Billy Madison may be cocky, but he certainly isn't funny (intentionally) enough to peform the services HM2 does at these parties.

[sterlingice]

Ok, Mick Starks only got 2 stars today instead of his usual 3.5. No more crawfish parties for him!

SI

[The Afoci]

Originally posted by sterlingice
Ok, Mick Starks only got 2 stars today instead of his usual 3.5. No more crawfish parties for him!

SI

My mother, along with the evil and vile Ardent of the wretched North County Raiders with their horribly pathetic forward Jerome Bettis are to blame! That and alcohol. And Drugs. And sex with dogs. And other assorted farm animals. Perhaps he had a cold. Perhaps he forgot to take off the Crawfish attached to his sack.

It could have been a lot of things, why hate the Crawfish, huh?

[sterlingice]

Originally posted by The Afoci
My mother, along with the evil and vile Ardent of the wretched North County Raiders with their horribly pathetic forward Jerome Bettis are to blame! That and alcohol. And Drugs. And sex with dogs. And other assorted farm animals. Perhaps he had a cold. Perhaps he forgot to take off the Crawfish attached to his sack.

It could have been a lot of things, why hate the Crawfish, huh?

Yes, but it couldn't have been the alcohol, drugs, or sex with barnyard animals (allegedly) because as far as we know, he's been doing those for years.

SI

[The Afoci]

Originally posted by sterlingice
Yes, but it couldn't have been the alcohol, drugs, or sex with barnyard animals (allegedly) because as far as we know, he's been doing those for years.

SI

Good point.

[Poli]

Originally posted by The Afoci
My mother, along with the evil and vile Ardent of the wretched North County Raiders with their horribly pathetic forward Jerome Bettis are to blame! That and alcohol. And Drugs. And sex with dogs. And other assorted farm animals. Perhaps he had a cold. Perhaps he forgot to take off the Crawfish attached to his sack.

It could have been a lot of things, why hate the Crawfish, huh?

Well, there are many reasons to hate the Crawdeads, more than I can really get into right now. I can say this: Your run and shoot is pathetic. It's pathetic and every one of my players and your mom is sick of it. I mean, how long can you milk D5?

I won't mention the company you keep. Ok, I will. I hear that you're even hiring Wigs now.

Where the heck is North Dakota, anyway? Is it still a state, or did we consolidate all those crapt states up there a few years ago?

Lastly, you don't wear puke green socks. Have you forgotten our mentor, HFP's motto? Puke green socks = shutouts. Maybe you'd be in D4 already if you would have lived by this principle.

[The Afoci]

Originally posted by ardent enthusiast
Well, there are many reasons to hate the Crawdeads, more than I can really get into right now. I can say this: Your run and shoot is pathetic. It's pathetic and every one of my players and your mom is sick of it. I mean, how long can you milk D5?

I won't mention the company you keep. Ok, I will. I hear that you're even hiring Wigs now.

Where the heck is North Dakota, anyway? Is it still a state, or did we consolidate all those crapt states up there a few years ago?

Lastly, you don't wear puke green socks. Have you forgotten our mentor, HFP's motto? Puke green socks = shutouts. Maybe you'd be in D4 already if you would have lived by this principle.

Yeah, I will milk DV one more year, but how long you going to be in DIV? Your run and shoot has scored one more goal than me and that is with one extra forward. That must be the greatness of Jerome "I put small boys in my" Bettis. And since when did you have your boyfriend as your logo. I know your a sailor and all, but that Roman Legion fantasy can only take you so far.

Now to something that the NCR aren't use to, a win over a big rival.

The Defeat of the Cheesecake

Rain for the third home league match in a row, brings attendance down.

17467 spectators had found their way to Fighting Crawfish Arena, despite the heavy rain. Fighting had chosen a strategic 3-5-2 formation. The following players had been chosen: Holt - Ciripoi, de Oliveira, Rønningen - Apelerberg, Kline, Hager, Singletary, Uddstad - Rannem , Karlstad.

Cheesecake tactics involved an interesting 3-5-2 combination. The following players had been chosen: Buckley - Ferreira, Sanford, Günzel - Wojtyla, Schroeder, Hjortner, From Nielsen, Cornelissen - de Geus, Rogmans.

A mistake by the home sides central defence in the 11th minute allowed Fabian de Geus to score 0 - 1 for Cheesecake. In the games 27:th minute Cheesecake´s Guido Günzel gave head using his teeth on an opponent nastily and so the referee sent him off immediately. Everyone knows teeth equals bad. Fighting were forced to a substitution as Taylor Singletary couldn´t continue playing due to the rough treatment from it. Christian Karlstad acted with superior experience when in the 36:th minute he predicted a pass, intercepted it and then finished off with a goal to 1-1 for his Fighting. After 40 minutes Cheesecakes Mark Rogmans made his way through the middle, putting the visitors up 1 - 2. After several obvious shirt pulling incidents, Fighting´s Mikey Kline got himself booked. Cheesecake´s Mark Rogmans left the field after 42 minutes because of a nasty blow to the shin. His replacement was Liston Andrews. Stefan Hjortner came close to extending the visitors lead as he, completely unmarked in front of the goal, lifted a ball over Tommy Holt, hitting the bar. In 45:th minute of game time Fighting´s Mikey Kline received his second yellow card and was sent off. Halftime score was 1 - 2. Cheesecake held the ball, with a clear 55 percent possession rate.

At this point, down a midfielder to a team with a superior midfield, everything was looking bleak. But then, the hangover from the party started to lift...

Due to some great work on the right wing Fighting:s Gudmund Rønningen was able to even the score in the 49:th minute to 2 - 2. Christian Karlstad gave his Fighting the lead with 3 - 2, as he successfully challenged both the guests central defenders, then placed the ball unreachably at the goaltenders right post. Cheesecake could level the score in the 58:th minute at 3 - 3, as Fabian de Geus struck home after a fine midfield combination, leaving him completely unmarked. Fighting took the lead in the 76:th minute of the game by 4 to 3, as Christian Karlstad elegantly received a pass going deep, finishing off with a half-volley shot just below the bar. By then Christian Karlstad was a three time scorer - a hat trick!
The entire Cheesecake team ended the game by getting a Crawfish on the sack! Cheesecake, bringing the final ball possession rate to 54 percent, dominated the battle.

Fighting´s best player was Tommy Holt. Christian Karlstad on the other hand, had a terrible day. The most dominating Cheesecake player was without a doubt Skip Schroeder. Mark Cornelissen was a disappointment, however. The match ends 4 - 3.

I now have control of the division and am looking to run the table the rest of the year. Hopefully promoting to the very weak and incredibly easy IV.43 to face the hapless NCR twice a season. Theres nothing like 2 PIC wins a season.

[Qwikshot]

Just want to say, "Love the dynasty". Prepare for harsh conditions over in Ultra Nox land, I'm preparing for our friendly.


Every year, folks in Southern Louisiana and elsewhare look forward with anticipation to the arrival of Springtime. That's when the Fighting Crawfish season gets in full gear, and friends and family dope-finding dogs get together to enjoy this fantastic Cajun erotic delicacy.

And whether you call them Fighting Crawfish or crayfish or mudbugs or Afoci lovechildren, you can enjoy this same treat wherever you are in the Continental US or Mars or downtown on the mean streets of Hawley (pronounced HAW-lee). Because we can deliver live Fighting Crawfish (with or without laser blasters) to your door, and you can have your own Fighting Crawfish Boil in your own backyard!

Here is all the information you need to do your own Fighting Crawfish Boil.
The following recipe serves ten people (or two Cajuns or one Marmel).

Equipment Needed:
One Large Boiling Pot, Basket Insert and Lid*
Laser Blaster Deflectors
88 gallons of Peanut Butter (it excites and attracts Fighting Crawfish)
Outdoor Propane Cooker*
KY Jelly (don't ask)
Large Tub or Two Ice Chests

* Chef Williams 30 Quart Outdoor Cooker is ideal for boiling crawfish.
It comes with a 30 Quart Pot with Lid, Easy to Handle Basket, 12 Inch Thermometer, Stand, Valve & Couplings (plus Creole Butter Marinade, Chef Williams Injector & Cajun Shake seasoning, and recipe booklet).
All you need is the propane tank (with propane).

It's really popular in these parts for cooking deep fried turkey or hiding Chavez's stash.
But it's equally at home at a Fighting Crawfish Boil.
This versatile unit will cook about 10-15 lbs of crawfish per batch.
If you're cooking 30 lbs, just make a couple of batches.
Click Here to learn more about this cooker.

Ingredients Needed:
30 lbs of Live Crawfish (1 sack) --note I didn't add sack
8 Small Onions
8 Small Potatoes
8 Ears of Corn
Fresh Garlic
Fresh Mushrooms
4 Lemons
3 lbs Fruge's Original Seafood Boil
Six Pack of Cold Beer
Click Here to return to the Crawfish category page.

Directions:
1. If you have not already done so, drink a cold beer. I didn't add this either
2. After your beer, you would normally purge the crawfish. This is not necessary since our crawfish come pre-purged. Just rinse out the crawfish with fresh water and boil. If you want, use the time you saved by not purging the crawfish to have another beer.
3. Drink another beer. Give one to a friend. Seriously this is all part of the instructions
4. Fill the large pot half full with fresh water, place on outdoor propane cooker, and start the fire. Place the lid on the pot and bring water to a boil.
4a. Leave a line of peanut butter leading up to the pot.
5. Add about 1/3 lb of Fruge's Original Seafood Boil to water. Let the boiling water mix it well for a minute or so.
6. Time to drink another beer. Send sober friend to store for more beer.
7. Drop in the onions (halved), the potatoes and fresh garlic. Let this cook, keeping an eye on the potatoes. (Check for doneness by stabbing with a sharp knife or fork. If it goes in easy, it is cooked. Hint; Do not over cook potatoes, slightly under cook them because they will continue to steam and cook in ice chest. You don't want to end up with mashed potatoes.) When the potatoes are almost done, add the corn and mushrooms. After they have cooked, lower the fire on the burner and remove the basket. Place the vegetables in a small clean ice chest - don't close the lid - just place foil on top. Time to drink another beer.
7a. Drink another beer, hell do a kegstand.
8. Turn the heat up on the burner. Add more spice to the water. (About 1/2 lbs., save rest of spice for later.) Take the lemons (halved) and squeeze the juice in the water. Then add the lemons to the water. When the water comes to a boil place the crawfish into the basket and put the basket in the pot. (Be careful - it's very hot!) Put the lid on the pot and enjoy another beer.
9. When the water comes back to a boil - keep a very close eye on this part - let it boil for 4 minutes and turn off the fire. Let it soak for another 3 minutes and then remove. Kill the boil by adding cold water or ice, not much is needed maybe a gallon or so. Then let the crawfish soak. They will sink to the bottom and fill with spicy water (JUICES).
10. Get an old table and place old newspapers on top. Dump the basket of crawfish on top of the newspaper and sprinkle with leftover spice.
11. Dump the onions, potatoes, corn and garlic on top of the crawfish. Now it's time to really drink beer and eat. The vegetables are for those guests who cannot figure out how to peel the crawfish. At least they won't starve.

Tips:
1. To hold hot crawfish for a short time (1-2 hours), you can use a styrofoam ice chest. Most plastic chests will melt or warp.
2. Use leftover spice to experiment. You can always add more to the ice chest. Sprinkle it on, stir it up and let it steam in chest for 10 minutes. Then test again.



We are preparing, and we have an A.P.B. on Les Cherry. Officers have been told to fire on sight with bullets coated in penicillin, or use flame throwers.

Beware the birds...muhahahaha.

[The Afoci]

Qwik, if that is your real name, that was beautiful. So beautiful, I may have to spare your life as we crush all that is in our way.

"You better guard your daughters or else they will be" Les "their" Cherry's'" is bulletproof. He got that from a hooker in 'Nam.

My former rival, the birds. You have allied yourself with them, you will regret that. I still have large supplies of spray paint on had. At least I think I did, I have to keep Marmel out of them. He was crapping white for a week, and it wasn't because Ardents boat came in.

[Qwikshot]

Originally posted by The Afoci
Qwik, if that is your real name, that was beautiful. So beautiful, I may have to spare your life as we crush all that is in our way.

"You better guard your daughters or else they will be" Les "their" Cherry's'" is bulletproof. He got that from a hooker in 'Nam.

My former rival, the birds. You have allied yourself with them, you will regret that. I still have large supplies of spray paint on had. At least I think I did, I have to keep Marmel out of them. He was crapping white for a week, and it wasn't because Ardents boat came in.

I am honored...just want to say that I will be playing a 3-4-3 and that I will have a few starters playing.

The pot boilers are switched on and the peanut butter is being lined up like white lines of cocaine...come get some!!!

[Poli]

Originally posted by The Afoci
Yeah, I will milk DV one more year, but how long you going to be in DIV? Your run and shoot has scored one more goal than me and that is with one extra forward. That must be the greatness of Jerome "I put small boys in my" Bettis. And since when did you have your boyfriend as your logo. I know your a sailor and all, but that Roman Legion fantasy can only take you so far.


You have the nerve to question my "classic" logo? What the heck? Please!

You know what's pathetic, the fact you tell everyone you attach Crawdeads to their sack, but how is that possible? You have pea shooters or something instead of claws! So, how do you attach a crawdead to a sack if it has nothing to attach itself with?

Oh, and come by D4 any time and see how many goals you score.

[Marmel]

Boss, do you want me to take care of these guys? I can send out a small platoon of Crashfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws to take them out. Qwikshot maybe a tough out, but I don't think Ardent has much artillery to defend himself at the present moment, if my research is correct. :)

[Coffee Warlord]

This is Coffee Warlord, of the Galesburg Avengers.

North County is under our protection. Withdraw, or be destroyed.

[Qwikshot]

Is this the start of WWIII? All the alliances are gathering...the storm is coming...

[Poli]

Marmel, let me say three words:

Ready?

Peanut butter sucks.

[The Afoci]

Originally posted by ardent enthusiast
Peanut butter sucks.

You have gone too far!

Originally posted by Marmel
Boss, do you want me to take care of these guys? I can send out a small platoon of Crashfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws to take them out. Qwikshot maybe a tough out, but I don't think Ardent has much artillery to defend himself at the present moment, if my research is correct.

Seems correct to me, now are you going to pass that or what?

Originally posted by Coffee Warlord
This is Coffee Warlord, of the Galesburg Avengers.

North County is under our protection. Withdraw, or be destroyed.

Well after ardent taught you to put on your little white suits and hats, hopefully taught you the YMCA song. It will be where you are living after you all crumble before the Empire of Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws!

Originally posted by ardent enthusiast
You know what's pathetic, the fact you tell everyone you attach Crawdeads to their sack, but how is that possible? You have pea shooters or something instead of claws! So, how do you attach a crawdead to a sack if it has nothing to attach itself with?

First off we use none altered Crawfish for this tactic. Second... Well one is enough! MUHAHHAHAHAHHAHA!!!!

Tomorrow will be a great day to kill!

[Poli]

You're right, tomorrow will be a great day to kill, crawdeads that is...yummy. :)

[Marmel]

I went to attack ardent, but it seems he has recently aquired a warship. I backed off, for now.

[The Afoci]

Originally posted by Marmel
I went to attack ardent, but it seems he has recently aquired a warship. I backed off, for now.

A warship! That coward, face us like men, with somesort of small animal with a weapon attached that is completely over the top. Either that or settle it with thumb wars, this time I will use my hands though, I am not falling for that one again!

[Marmel]

My fingers a re bit sticky for a thumb war. :(

[Poli]

You fight with peanut butter, I fight with nuclear warheads. So what if there's a radioactive mushroom cloud over North Dakota? It's not like anyone in the US would notice. If anyone would start crying about it, it would be Canada.

North Dakota isn't in Canada, is it?

[Noop]

:)

[The Afoci]

Originally posted by Marmel
My fingers a re bit sticky for a thumb war. :(

Marmel, give the bong back man. Sometimes oxygen is good for us.

Ardent, everyone knows that Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws can survive a nuclear winter. And after some of the things we tried at some of the parties, I wouldn't doubt Marmel and I could as well. Try us, were delicous.

[Marmel]

I can puff out a perfect mushroom cloud. :)

[The Afoci]

Originally posted by Marmel
I can puff out a perfect mushroom cloud. :)

You can take it deep too. Opps, wrong thing. For a second I though we were allowed to talk about our personal lives together. Sorry.

[Poli]

(looks for another thread...) :)

[Marmel]

Originally posted by The Afoci
You can take it deep too. Opps, wrong thing. For a second I though we were allowed to talk about our personal lives together. Sorry.


Yeah, but I told you I hate when you maek me do that!!!!








We are talking about how deep I can pull off the bong, right?

[The Afoci]

Originally posted by Marmel
We are talking about how deep I can pull off the bong, right?

Of course.

Good cover up Marmel, I don't think anyone knows about the oral sex thing we were talking about. Who would have guessed two guys born with no gag reflex would meet and share their love for peanut butter and dogs along with taking over the world and bongs. Love is great sometimes.

[Marmel]

Don't forget that it is a freak coincidence that neither of us have glaucoma.

[Poli]

Glaucoma? Is that disease or is it a flavor of ice cream?

[Qwikshot]

Damn you Afoci ;)

[Marmel]

Sir, The Afoci, Sir. While I was going through my neighbor's panty drawer this morning an idea struck me, and of course I run everything (and I mean everything) by you before I act. I learned my lesson after that lubricated frisbee/traffic cone/fake vomit incident.

Anyway, I was thinking maybe I could take a platoon of Crawfish with me to the USS Nimitz and do a little scout work. I highly doubt that the crew aboard that ship would be able to detect me and some laser blasters sneaking aboard. While there I can monitor Ardent's movements (especially his bowel movements) and then I can repost back to you with a plan of attack. My research shows that this Nimitz thingy is not very good at defending itself, and has hardly any weapontry aboard. I did some careful studies to come to those conclusions.

[Poli]

You studied my bowel movements and came up with these conclusions, or did you study your own bowel movements to come up with this?

[Marmel]

Does it matter? I know you are unarmed.

[The Afoci]

Originally posted by Marmel
Sir, The Afoci, Sir. While I was going through my neighbor's panty drawer this morning an idea struck me, and of course I run everything (and I mean everything) by you before I act. I learned my lesson after that lubricated frisbee/traffic cone/fake vomit incident.

Luckily that officer was very understanding. We don't need to go any deeper than that. The frisbee did.

Originally posted by Marmel
Anyway, I was thinking maybe I could take a platoon of Crawfish with me to the USS Nimitz and do a little scout work. I highly doubt that the crew aboard that ship would be able to detect me and some laser blasters sneaking aboard. While there I can monitor Ardent's movements (especially his bowel movements) and then I can repost back to you with a plan of attack. My research shows that this Nimitz thingy is not very good at defending itself, and has hardly any weapontry aboard. I did some careful studies to come to those conclusions.

That is a great plan. Report back with the details. After we destroyed Qwikshot 3-2 totally destroying his squad and killing all hope they had for the future after following the NCR with 3-4-3. I am in super secret meetings now and will report more later.

PS super secret meeting is our new code word for firing up the bong.

[Poli]

You must not have seen my Hulk gloves or witnessed my Chinese Tickle Torture.

[Qwikshot]

The 3-4-3 will rise again, and so will the Ultra Nox...just not today...

[Poli]

I don't recall losing to the Crawdeads, though...maybe there's a bit of revisionist history here. :)

[The Afoci]

Words from the leader.

In what was a dimly lit room, The Afoci paced with three people tracing every step he makes. Marmel, Number Two (Number Three in line for those keeping track at home) and Coach all were mere steps behind. As The Afoci came to the window into the Secret Room of Disney Porn. It was obvious what had happened as it had happened numerous times before. It was Marmel. One Hundred and One Bitches with Jif, The Bitch Licks Back! gets him everytime.

The smell of salt cover the men like they were sailors/bunkmates with one Ardent Enthusiast, but they pressed on, for some it was the bulge in their pants, but for The Afoci, it was the smooth armor of Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws. Why, no one is sure, but it probably has to do with this, boys and girls. Found deep inside the pill bottle is a product for pain. Now when a girlfriend gets her wisdom teeth cut out, she gets some pill bottles that contain a product for pain. This product allows the trees to talk and dead monkeys with shovels in their asses walk. Quite an impressive product, but on this day, merely 6 years and almost exactly to the minute, The Afoci has had are repeat in history so similiar, he should name it something. Deja Vu, and not the strip club, the experience is what The Afoci. Umm....Pain Pills.

Flashback

It was 1997. The Afoci was an average boy living life on the Mean Streets of Hawley, MN. Packing heat as hot as a water gun containing hot sauce, this man was feared. It might have had to do with the two Crawfish with Sharp Pencils Duct Taped around their Claws! that were towering one on each shoulder. One could never tell with such situations. He approached the woman/girl he loved with all his heart. But which one, the 15 year old hottie or her 104 year old Great Great Grandma name Issac. I guess Issac was a girls name in the 19th century and Issac was the last of a special breed. Old Bitches. Now The Afoci's decision was one that was obvious. He still had eighty some years for the youngen, but Issac could kick off anytime. That is what Old Bitches do. Besides wild crazy sex because they don't care anymore.

As you all are probably guessing, our hero, our legend, our...The Afoci was going to get laid. Like every child, the older lady fantasy was huge, but the Old Bitches was the king. Like when you found your moms weed depot, things were much better than when you were stealing your younger sisters. Older Bitches don't screw around. In anything, you get high, you get the best shit, you get laid, somebody dies, probably the Old Bitch but not always, a Old Bitch can live to bitch another day.

Yumm....Pain Pills.

Now as Issac went to the hotel she was staying at, she grabbed a few drinks. The Afoci walked up behind her. Both knew what was going to happen, or so he thought. He knee length skirt did nothing to sheild her vagina. That hung to the floor on most days and some days actually drug on the ground. A bump sidewalk or ice on a sidewalk can actually get her to orgasm. Who knew the g-spot was on the sidewalk? As he picked it up off the ground and put it near his man hood, it was better than any vacuum cleaner had ever been, and less noisy too. But only for a minute, because she turned around. She ripped her saggy ass vagina lips right off his manhood and placed them firmly between her butt cheeks. The toilet paper stuck in it helped secure it. The Afoci caught a glance of her nipples, just above her knee socks that fell down. I am pretty sure they were tucked in early, but fell out when she grabbed her vagina back.

Now what happened from there, we do not know for sure. All I know is Issac died along with 2 Crawfish with Sharp Pencils Duct Taped around their Claws! were never found. The Afoci walked away funny, but smoking. Most of the flames were out, but his ass was still spurting up every once in a while.

Guess what happened to the Crawfish with Sharp Pencils Duct Taped around their Claws?

Coming soon. Pain Pills make me sleepy...

[Poli]

Words from The Afoci's Hater:

Your team sucks. I hope you have better security now, or I might blow up your Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws factory.

That's both a threat and a promise.

[The Afoci]

Originally posted by ardent enthusiast
Words from The Afoci's Hater:

Your team sucks. I hope you have better security now, or I might blow up your Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws factory.

That's both a threat and a promise.

NEVER!

[sterlingice]

Originally posted by ardent enthusiast
Words from The Afoci's Hater:

Your team sucks. I hope you have better security now, or I might blow up your Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws factory.

That's both a threat and a promise.

You have the support of the 42nd Hippo airborne, squadron "run and shoot".

SI

[The Afoci]

Originally posted by sterlingice
You have the support of the 42nd Hippo airborne, squadron "run and shoot".

SI

A hippo run and shoot squadron. That is like a manly sailor. Bullhonkey!

[Poli]

With Coffee Warlord's regiment attacking by land, the Hippos by air, and the Raiders by sea, it's easy to see that we'll destroy these crawdeads and their peashooters instead of claws!

[sterlingice]

http://www.chartcourse.com/images/HIPPO-C.jpg

SI

[Poli]

Excellent, the crawdeads with peashooters instead of claws are bound to be struck with fear now!

[The Afoci]

Originally posted by sterlingice
http://www.chartcourse.com/images/HIPPO-C.jpg

SI

That is more disturbing than anything I have put. Ever.

[The Afoci]

Originally posted by ardent enthusiast
With Coffee Warlord's regiment attacking by land, the Hippos by air, and the Raiders by sea, it's easy to see that we'll destroy these crawdeads and their peashooters instead of claws!

The deadly triple team. Marmel is much more experienced there, he will handle this.

[The Afoci]

On to round 2 in the FOFC Cup. Lets see if ardent or one of his roadies will be man enough to face the Mighty Crawfish this week!

[sterlingice]

Originally posted by The Afoci
That is more disturbing than anything I have put. Ever.

It's amazing what you can find on images.google.com

SI

[Poli]

Perhaps you are confused....that peanut cream that Marmel is experienced in. Not "triple team".

Well, I suppose it's a given that you are "confused".

[The Afoci]

Hmm, I won this week to stay undefeated. I wonder how the NCR did?

[sterlingice]

Linky (http://www.foodnetwork.com/food/recipes/recipe/0,,FOOD_9936_5206,00.html)

SI

[The Afoci]

SI, if hippos were acceptable entrees, then I could put up some hippo recipes. But as it is, we will have to settle for this.

Recipe for eating hippos:

1 bottle of Vodka.
1 VHS Copy of Days of Thunder for foreplay.
1 Flat Bed Semi. Hauling purposes.
2 International House of Pancakes. One to drop the beast off after the ordeal, one to eat at yourself.
1 bag of sugar. Throws her off.
1 bag of flour. Shows the wet spot.
1 Miners helmet. I think you are catching on.
1 Dental floss. Hair in teeth.
1 Weedwacker. Just to trim up since you will be the first person there in roughly 27 years.
1 Ardent's Mother. Substitute hippo if possible, but she should do.

[The Afoci]

Just so everyone who reads knows, I haven't given up on this at all, I have just had some creative issues lately. ;)

[Poli]

Originally posted by The Afoci
Just so everyone who reads knows, I haven't given up on this at all, I have just had some creative issues lately. ;)

Ain't that the truth.

[Havok]

dam bro, i can't believe Teddy Carney only went for 204k. If i would have had some more money i would have bought him and trained him to formidable.

Tough Break :(

[The Afoci]

Originally posted by Havok
dam bro, i can't believe Teddy Carney only went for 204k. If i would have had some more money i would have bought him and trained him to formidable.

Tough Break :(

It really did suck, but I just didn't have any room left in my training program and he was the weakest of the bunch that will be early next season formidables. I couldn't even find a spot for him to play last week, so 204K is better than nothing, he didn't sell at 450K or 300K so the market must be really down or people just all realised he didn't play well for whatever reason.

[Poli]

Or I was at work behind the scenes....hahahahhha

[The Afoci]

Perhaps you were the one who started the rumor about his sexuality. I guess homophobic llama rapers are close to anti-clowns. Or valued that way.

[The Afoci]

After the torture of 3 economist the squad had left from the debt era, The Afoci figured the squad was ready for its latest match. But not before what has once again become a tradition in the Crawfish camp. The killing of the weekly YP. This one, whose name was protected because he was only 17, proved that he was young enough to suck for a long time. He was given to Ardent and the NCR. He should start for that squad any day now.

On to the victory, which NCR should try more of.

19242 spectators arrived at Fighting Crawfish Arena, where weather conditions were pretty good for football. Fighting started off with a 3-5-2 lineup. Lineup: Holt - Ciripoi, de Oliveira, Rønningen - Apelerberg, Danielsson, Kline, Woodson, Uddstad - Karlstad, Popella.

Xpert tactics involved an interesting 4-4-2 combination. Lineup: Vance - Gripenstad, Kinsey, Ericsson, Tidmarsh - Escamilla, Harry, Cason, Johnson - Diamanti, Jackson.

Fightings Christian Karlstad gave, after 11 minutes, the home team a 1 - 0 lead after an attack coming in from the right. A couple of quick and successful challenges, followed by a shot from just outside the penalty area after 34 minutes might have resulted in another goal for Fighting. However, Joey Vance made a spectacular save. Halftime score was 1 - 0. The fortyfive minutes were dominated by Fighting, with an impressive 84 percent possession of the ball. The Crawfish don't share well.

Gudmund Rønningen increased Fightings lead to 2 - 0 by putting a header away on a hooked ball from the right. 52 minutes into the game Joey Vance had to leave the pitch due to a open sores on his sack that Crawfish had latched on to. The crowd rejoiced by doing a rendition of Vanilla Ice's Like a Roni. It was glorious. In came Ricky Gossett. Things were going to get worse for the visitors. Franz-Bernd Popella squirmed himself through the central defense line in the 55:th minute, asserting the lead to 3 - 0. After 69 minutes Franz-Bernd Popella put Fighting ahead 4 - 0 as he rose to head in a hooked ball, remarkable, this isn't a sexual manuever. By now Fighting were drawing the troops back in order to defend their lead and their stock of old bitches. The referee showed Xperts Bill Cason the yellow card after a particularly nasty challenge over who had better shoes. With 85 minutes played Christian Karlstad could have brought this one home for Fighting, had his hooked ball gone in, but he was just a bit too high as was most of the squad. Mikey Kline should probably have put his team up another goal in the 90:th minute, but some great goaltending by Ricky Gossett kept the visitors in the game. Fighting held the ball, with a clear 91 percent possession rate.

Fighting´s best player was Christian Karlstad. Gudmund Rønningen was a disappointment, however. Most important Xpert player was Bay Tidmarsh. However, Ricky Gossett made a disastrous appearance. The match ends 4 - 0.

This game featured the first Crawfish to get 3 1/2 stars. Christian Karlstad and Mikey Kline! Way to go guys, you each get one hour free with Chavez "the dope finding" Dog and an extended visit with Ardents Mom. One word for you guys on that one. Full-Body-Condom.

Stay tuned for an update on the Old Bitches Saga.

[Poli]

Hope your guys aren't going to be drug tested any time soon. It could get ugly for your team.

[The Afoci]

Originally posted by ardent enthusiast
Hope your guys aren't going to be drug tested any time soon. It could get ugly for your team.

:D Yeah, some issues may arise. :D

[Superman=#54]

I declare war on the crawfish with laser blasters instead of claws.

Superman vs. The Crawfish

Wendsday FOFC Cup IV be there, or be square.

[The Afoci]

Originally posted by Superman=#54
I declare war on the crawfish with laser blasters instead of claws.

Superman vs. The Crawfish

Wendsday FOFC Cup IV be there, or be square.

I love the smell of leather in the mornings. A sign that the night prior was good. Lets hope the day to come will bring the same.

[The Afoci]

The Afoci stumbles drunkenly into the room. The players look to him as he is about to speak. His mouth opens slightly, but no words come. He tries again. Suddenly he starts vomitting everywhere. Mexican food must not agree with his as a taco came out nearly all intact. Marmel picks it up and takes a bite. He speaks.

"This is Cheesecake week boys!" says Marmel. "This is where we determine whether we are winners or whether we are just another North County Raider squad. Anyone have any hot sauce?"

[Poli]

You suck.

[The Afoci]

Originally posted by ardent enthusiast
You suck.

You have been at sea much too long if this is your fantasy.

In other Crawfish news, tonight is the match vs. the Plague. His midfield and defense vs. our Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws!

[Marmel]

Little known fact: In a bind, soft cheesecake makes an excellent peanut butter substitute. I recommend a slice with some drizzled raspberry sauce on top, although sometimes that can be mistaken for blood after things 'heat up'. Boy, that first time I almost went to the emergency room due to what I thought was blood. After tasting it though, I knew I would be OK! :)

[The Afoci]

I too have had a "blood" incident. When a young lady I was having relations with began to bleed, I assumed it was because of my massive manhood. Turns out, it was her aunt flo. Yep, she walked right in on us and shot my lady in the ass. I guess I am not so big after all.