ZFL Season 4 - Welcome the expansion clubs [Archive]

revrew

07-25-2003, 09:34 AM

Oh, Coffee. You wish. :D

Week 1 Results

"In the first game of the season, most people were watching just to see what the new El Paso Busters uniforms looked like. Few expected the Busters to give San Antonio much of a fight. Let's just say, folks got a lot more than they bargained for.

San Antonio, long known for a powerful offense discovered the Buster D has come ready to play. The Margaritas' game plan was to run the M&M boys (HB Mutt and FB Metalhead) until El Paso caved in. And while the SA O-line battered the Buster D-line, the Margaritas were rudely introduced to a pair of fast and powerful 'backers - MLB Brian Bosworth and OLB Trev Alberts. The two backers garnered 27 tackles, 2 forced fumbles, one INT, and 3 sacks on the day.

Leading by a scant 7-0 margin at the half, SA adjusted to mix it up with the pass a bit and get the Buster dogs to back off. SA QB Handoff King hit WRs Streak and Primetime on a pair of quick outs, and the El Paso D was forced to play more honestly.

By the buzzer, S.A. added one by land and one by air, and the bruised Margaritas limped away with a 21-0 victory. El Paso, unfortunately, took a page out of the L.A. Star history book, putting up an impressive defensive effort, but failing to impress anyone on offense. San Antonio's MLB Ray Lewis and DE All Pro looked in top form, totalling 5 sacks between them. S.A., 21-0."

*****
"In another surprise game, or at least another coming-out party, the L.A. Stars showed some offensive zip by taking it to the dazed Fighting Crawfish.

FG HB Glutton for Punishment found none of the running room he was used to last year, getting knocked around by L.A.'s ageless wonder, 37-year old DT Ed Norton, and then knocked down by young MLB star, Brad Pitt.

Meanwhile, former LA 1st round OTs Freddie Prinze Jr and Matthew McConaughey sealed off the ends to create running room for HB Jerry Seinfeld. L.A.'s offense was once called the "Show about nothing," but Seinfeld turned it into a 117-yard and 2 TD spectacular today.

In his first season as starter, L.A. QB Bernie Mac looked capable, throwing for 238 yards, including an 11-yd TD strike to WR Joe Pesci.

With the D destroying the 'Fish, the L.A. Stars played perhaps the most impressive game of their history, sending a wake-up call to the rest of the league with a 21-0 victory."

*****
"Portland hoped to be the first to prove that Chicago's defense is slipping. They did. Unfortunately, Portland was also the first to discover that Chicago's offense is on the rise.

Chicago struck first with a Mike Marino to WR Jet TD pass. After OG Erik Flamebeard of the Neither Here nor There paved the way for familiar friend Antonio De La Tonio to tie it up, Chicago opened up a can of whoopass in return.

Randy Steele carried the ball 7 times for 54 yards on the next drive, capping it off with a 2-yd TD plunge behind rookie OT John Tate. And When OLB Ray Brown recovered a PT fumble, Randy Steele answered again with a 33-yard TD run after superstar OG Tom Sanders pulled left on a sweep around PT DE Trogdor the Burninator. Mike Marino struck again, and at the half, Portland was staring at a frightening 28-7 deficit.

In the second half, Chicago kept to the ground, eating up the clock, while Portland took to the skies to score quickly. PT Rookie QB Paddy O'Leary looked impressive, not so much as a gunslinger, but as a field general, marching the troops downfield with quick strikes to WRs Manfred von Richthofen and Khan Ogadai.

In the fourth quarter, "Paddy O" hit Richthofen for his second TD of the day, and PT was starting to pull close. But CH FB Josh Hackenstein proved too effective of a blocker for PT LBs Sectoid Commander and Kang, and Randy Steele found paydirt again. An impressive day for Steele, who ran for 191 yards and 3 scores. Impressive day for the Eagles, too, as they win 35-21."

*****
"The first weeks of a new season are always interesting. Even games like last year's champ vs. last year's chump, undefeated Birmingham vs. winless Little Rock. What would you expect? BH 35-0? 42-7? Or is Little Rock closing the gap? Is Birmingham slipping?

Birmingham's safety Odysseus looked ready to pick up where they left off, picking off a LR QB David Slinger pass. But on the next play, rookie LR DE Looks Like JeeberD streaked around BH OT Apollo and blindsided QB Zeus Reloaded. DT Rock Knutne picked up the fumble, and Little Rock weathered the first storm.

At the end of the first quarter, the score was 0-0, and Little Rock was gaining hope. With BH DE Another Atlantis pushing his way around the corner, Little Rock's HB Rajah Saleem took the draw right past him and twirled for a 22-yd TD run, giving the Willies a 7-0 lead.

By halftime, BH HB Artemis followed OG Another Troy in for 7 to tie it.

In the second, BH unleashed a steady diet of power running, and the tide began to turn. Artemis plunged in for a score again, and QB Zeus Reloaded hit WR Revrew for yet another.

A 71-yard flight by HB Rajah Saleem electrified the crowd, but it was quickly silenced when a deep strike to BH WR Revrew set up another Artemis score. Time and chances ran out for Little Rock, as they drop to the defending champs, 28-14."

*****
"ESPN2 chose to show the matchup between two of the league's best QBs, ABB'Q's Moe Sizzlack and Knoxville's 'Thumbless' Jackson. If they wanted fireworks, they got it!

Knoxville opened the game with a deep bomb to rookie WR Luke Jackson. Apparently, the coach wanted to show off the new weapon ASAP.

The Isotopes followed suit. First round rookie WR Quagmire went deep, and two plays into the game, the score was 7-7!

In their second drive, Knoxville handed the ball to their other rookie weapon, Leon Jackson. With FB Samuel 'The South Will Rise Again' and OG Fort Sumter Jackson paving the way, rookie Leon ate up 43 yards on the drive and dove in for the score.

It was an impressive day for Leon, as Knoxville found ABB'Q's linebackers a bit soft and slow for the fleet-footed rookie. Leon Jackson totalled 106 yards and 2 scores. Meanwhile, the Isotopes found no way to pressure 'Thumbless', and the star QB lit it up for 400 yards and 3 scores himself. WR Jackson Jackson recorded yet another 200-yard game (is 24 too young to already be talking about the ZFL Hall of Fame?), and rookie Luke Jackson garnered an impressive 129.

But AQ QB Sizzlack was on fire, today, too, fireballing for 340 yards and 3 scores of his own.

The Isotopes almost kept pace, though some grumbled about rookie WR Quagmire. The first-rounder only grabbed 6 catches on the day...granted THREE of them were for touchdowns, but lapses of concentration and dropped passes stalled more than one important AQ drive.

An exciting, up-and-down-the-field game ended with an important win for Knoxville, taking it 42-28."

*****
"Fans got their first look at Cincinnati, as the Chaps visited The Gym in Milwaukee. Unfortunately for Milwaukee, fans got their first look at post-injury QB Bullseye, too.

Bullseye tried hitting The Flash on a crossing route in the first quarter, but there appears to be a bit of zip off the old fastball. Chaps MLB Homeschool Winner tipped the ball away, and OLB Homsar picked it off his shoelaces. In the second, Bullseye hit Homsar again, notching up his second INT on the day.

Fortunately for the Muscle Men, the running game was in full effect, as Ricky 'The Answer' Williams sprinted around DE Strong Sad for a score in the second quarter, and powerful FB Bulldozer knocked down Chaps DT Eh, Steve! for another in the third.

In the fourth quarter, former L.A. Star QB James Earl Jones connected with WR Homestar Runner for a 41-yard sideline sprint. Out at the two, Cinci FB Pom Pom punched it in behind OG Stinkoman, and Cincinnati became the first expansion team to record a score in ZFL play.

Down only 14-7, Cinci was dreaming of recording the first win as well. But a 4th quarter MW drive ate too much time off the clock. MW FB Bulldozer put the nail in the coffin with a 7-yard TD ramble, and Milwaukee wins it, 21-7"

*****
Commish's Week Recap
"Though no one expected the expansion clubs to do well this week (or any week for that matter), both squads showed determination and competitiveness. The El Paso defense was particularly impressive.

But the big news of the week had to be the offensive punch from the Stars. Did that come just because Fargo is weak? Perhaps, but you've got to like how L.A. is building their franchise. Likewise, the power of Chicago's offense was an interesting change of pace, as the league's two teams best known for D show they can play both sides of the ball.

Knoxville is clearly clicking on offense, and even ABB'Q superstar Troy McClure couldn't slow down the Redneck passing attack. Can Chicago keep pace? Can the forceful Olympian defense put a roadblock in the way? We'll have to wait until weeks 9 and 11 to find out.

Next week, L.A. gets to test their mettle against ABB'Q, and the big San Antonio/Birmingham matchup comes early. Look for both games to come down to the wire."

sachmo71

07-25-2003, 09:58 AM

Birmingham, eh? Shoot.

Marmel

07-25-2003, 10:42 AM

Thanks rev!!!!

tucker342

07-25-2003, 01:04 PM

It may not have been pretty, but a win is a win...

DolphinFan1

07-25-2003, 01:08 PM

We only beat Cincinnati 21-7. Boy are we in trouble. Anyone willing to trade their QB?

illinifan999

07-25-2003, 01:13 PM

I have a D rated QB. :p At least I think he is.

Coffee Warlord

07-25-2003, 01:15 PM

Well, I think I only need 1 or 2 more pieces of the puzzle to return to greatness. Oh yes.

DolphinFan1

07-25-2003, 01:26 PM

Originally posted by illinifan999
I have a D rated QB. :p At least I think he is.

Sorry mine is a D+. I need a C or better.

revrew

07-25-2003, 03:35 PM

Just simmed week 2...

Oh, man! Ties, upsets, surprises, and more! Good stuff comin' up on Monday, gents! We got a whole new ballgame in the ZFL!

Coffee Warlord

07-25-2003, 03:45 PM

Web site's been updated with week 1 stats.

For the uninformed.

http://www.officepimps.com/zfl/

Swaggs

07-25-2003, 03:45 PM

Monday? :(

korme

07-25-2003, 03:48 PM

Cincinnati gets no love, El Paso gettin' all the spotlight.

korme

07-25-2003, 03:49 PM

And Coffee, can you atleast correct Cincinnati? I mean, the official site should have the name spelled right.

Coffee Warlord

07-25-2003, 03:50 PM

Whoops. Fixed. :)

korme

07-25-2003, 03:53 PM

That was quick.

Nice.

*gives all Air Force players a 10 pt ratings boost*

just kidding! ;)

Coffee Warlord

07-25-2003, 03:58 PM

DAMN YOU FOR TEMPTING ME!

JeeberD

07-25-2003, 05:46 PM

Originally posted by Shorty3281
Cincinnati gets no love, El Paso gettin' all the spotlight.

Just the way that it should be... :D

Hopefully next week I'll at least score a TD against Knoxville...

Oh, and I agree with Swaggs. Monday? :(

korme

07-25-2003, 06:24 PM

Originally posted by JeeberD
Oh, and I agree with Swaggs. Monday? :(

Erm, it's summer.. so don't be alarmed but..

What day is today?

JeeberD

07-25-2003, 06:36 PM

Friday.

It must be nice to not have to work (or take summer classes)... :(

DolphinFan1

07-25-2003, 07:15 PM

Milwaukee - Rumors were abound this week as talks were brewing between Milwaukee and Alburquerque about star QB - Moe "Kid Gruesome" Sizzalck. Reportedly talks broke off as the price for the star QB were too high. Milwaukee QB- Bullseye was asked how he felt about the rumors of getting another QB. "I haven't heard any rumors. Anyway, we won last week didn't we." Milwaukee GM DolphinFan was asked about the rumors. "Let's just say if the offer is right, I will do what it takes to better my team and win a championship." We will try to bring you any other rumors conserning a trade for a QB.

revrew

07-25-2003, 08:47 PM

Sorry, gotta spend the weekend with the fam and the lawn. Plus, I've got a preaching gig this Sunday, and my Madden San Antonio Lobos are in the AFC championship, so I won't be getting back to ZFL until Monday. But we could have as many as 5 weeks played next week, so it'll move quick!

Shorty, sorry about Cinci not gettin' the love. I'm afraid things aren't lookin' too good for the Chaps. They were the first expansion team to score, however! Right? And your draft pick is lookin' mighty good, hey, hey? Gotta look on the bright side.

Great job, CW. Now, if the rest of the league would enter their players...ahem...that sight would be da rAWkin bomb, eh?

Coffee Warlord

07-25-2003, 09:46 PM

And if I get off my ass and add editing functionality to keep everyone's rosters updated, it'd be nice too. But hey. :)

JeeberD

07-26-2003, 10:24 PM

Hey CW, I entered my rosters yesterday but they haven't shown up on the website. Are the players supposed to show up as soon as they're entered (meaning that I did something wrong) or do you have to upload them or something?

Just curious...

JeeberD

07-27-2003, 01:30 PM

Never mind. I got it working now... :)

korme

07-27-2003, 02:22 PM

howd you get it working, JD?

JeeberD

07-27-2003, 02:32 PM

I just typed in the name and age, set the position and if they were starting or reserve, and typed in the password that I got from CW. The names then popped up after I typed in the info.

I'm not sure what I did different this morning compared with how I did it a couple of days ago, but it worked like a charm today.

Good luck Shorty...

korme

07-27-2003, 02:54 PM

I havent received a password from Coffee. I guess that is the problem.

tucker342

07-27-2003, 05:46 PM

Maybe I should enter my player names....

I'll do it eventually:D

Coffee Warlord

07-27-2003, 06:18 PM

'Cause you never asked for one, dufus. :)

korme

07-28-2003, 04:14 AM

can i have a password

Coffee Warlord

07-28-2003, 09:01 AM

No! :)

illinifan999

07-28-2003, 09:05 AM

It's Monday! ;)

JeeberD

07-28-2003, 09:08 AM

WooHoo for Monday!!!

El Paso wants a touchdown!!!

digamma

07-28-2003, 11:32 AM

Knoxville is back from a mini-vacation.
I don't like Rev picking us to go undefeated. Birmingham should be the favorite.

Robbie Action Jackson is still available for anyone who needs a running back.

korme

07-28-2003, 01:24 PM

Chaps roster on the site!!

revrew

07-28-2003, 02:53 PM

Week 2 Results

"The (1-0) Rednecks should have an easy time with the expansion Busters (0-1), right? I mean, if they mighty Rednecks can't dispatch an expansion club with ease, wouldn't that signal trouble to the rest of the league?

Well, heads up, ZFL. Trouble's comin'.

As the overconfident Rednecks stepped onto the field, they watched EP QB Ryan Leaf toss one deep to WR Yatil Green. The bold move caught KX CB Billy Ray Jackson by surprise, and El Paso became the first expansion franchise to build a lead. 7-0, Busters.

Knoxville tried tossin' it deep in return, but EP Safety Patrick Bates picked it off, and it's back the other way for El Paso.

Then, it got stupid. Knoxville apparently forgot who was supposed to be winning this thing. The power punching of Buster backs Ki-Jana Carter and Rashaan Salaam drove down to the goal line, and on 3rd and 1, Salaam followed OG Eugene Chung in for a score. It's now, 14-0, Busters???

Knoxville's 'Thumbless' apparently got a bit ticked at that score, and the next drive featured some nasty lightning strikes, and WR Jackson Jackson quickly erased the goose egg off the board.

By the half, Knoxville had crawled back in it, 14-14. Can you believe I just said that??

The second half began with a long KX drive, capped off with FB Samuel Jackson following OG Fort Sumter Jackson in for 7. Knoxville had their first lead.

But it wouldn't last long. Ki-Jana ran long off tackle by OT Tony Mandarich and put the passing game in striking distance. Ryan Leaf put the ball on the money again, this time to Werner Voss, and El Paso tied it up at 21! Leaf had a good day until that point, recording 18-26, 265 yards, 2 TDs before the fourth.

On their first possession of the fourth, Knoxville netted a -13 yards rushing, and the Rednecks realized the game would have to be won in the air. El Paso went four and out (there's no punting in the ZFL, either), and 'Thumbless' built a lead again by hitting JJ for 7 more.

Ryan Leaf's proficiency slipped in the fourth, as the QB tossed a pair of INTs, one to OLB Bubba Jackson and one to safety 'Nascar' Jackson. Nascar, unfortunately for El Paso, took his pick back to the house, and the Rednecks slammed the door. KX in a frighteningly close one, 35-21."

*****
"When Milwaukee (1-0) visited Little Rock (0-1), they had hoped for an easy win over last year's cellar dweller. But the Slick Willies apparently have no desire to repeat the uncomplimentary disctinction.

The Willies opened the game with a powerful, up-the-middle drive. Exploiting the weak spot in Milwaukee's D (the DTs Sampson and Godzilla), the Willies powered behind OGs John Boy Eddison and surprising youngster, Rudolphy Rudy. The talented Rajah Saleem opened a 7-0 lead on a 7-yard run.

It took a quarter for Milwaukee to adequately respond, but FB Bulldozer powered over LR DT Rock Knutne for a 2-yard TD bash, and the score was tied.

Right before the end of the half, LR QB David Slinger, pressured by Milwaukee's outstanding DE Rocky, threw an interception to last year's defensive rookie of the year, CB He's not JeeberD. Veteran OG Goliath sprang MW HB Ricky Williams for a 12-yard TD scamper, and the Muscle Men went into the locker room with a lead.

From there, it was back and forth. Rajah Saleem got a second TD, then Bulldozer got his second, then LR QB David Slinger hit rookie WR Bruce Spinner, and the score was tied again. The gun sounded. Bring on the kickers!

Little Rock's aging Mr. Ed (he's 36 in horse years) looked rather uncomfortable sitting on a 50-gallon block of ice. But then, Milwaukee's young Bruce "I'll freeze my butt" Handily was shiverin' his timbers too, perched atop his own block of the frigid stuff. A timer was set, and while the "Arkansas Dancing Interns" entertained the crowd, the two kickers eyed one another, awaiting to see which tush could withstand the most cold. In the game of "Frozen Chicken," the first to get off the block and attempt to thaw his gluteous maximus is the loser-us minimus. Willpower, resolve, and just a touch of insanity make for a winner in "Frozen Chicken," and there is perhaps no kicker in the league with more of those things than Milwaukee's Bruce Handily. The Muscle Men get the win, 24-21, and the doctors say Mr. Ed's case of frostbite should heal up before next week's game."

*****
"Unfortunately for the Cinci Chaps (0-1), the visiting Portland Sea Biscuits (0-1) didn't come with any of Knoxville's overconfidence. Instead, the Biscuits came bearing a grudge.

Rookie QB Paddy O'Leary opened the gates with a 17-yard completion to WR Manfred von Richthofen, who then figured, 'Why not take it the rest of the way?'. Manfred streaked another 63 yards for the score.

In the second quarter, fellow wideout Khan Ogadai also notched up a score, and when CB Kosh returned an INT for 7 more, Portland went into the half leading 21-0.

In the second half, Portland milked the clock and their lead, running Antonio De La Tonio and backup HB Ron Dayne behind the league's best offensive line. Frighteningly, the oldest member of that line is 27.

Cinci's front six offered little resistance as the Sea Biscuits poured on the yardage.

Only a fourth-quarter TD run by HB Bubs off impressive OT The King of Town salvaged the day for the Chaps, who drop a painful one to Portland, 42-7. A very impressive day for rookie QB Paddy O'Leary, garnering an efficient 19-24, 271, and 3 scores without a pick."

*****
"When Moe Sizzlack launched his second TD pass of the day, giving the Isotopes (0-1) a 14-point lead over the stunned L.A. Stars (1-0), history would have dictated it lights out for L.A.

But apparently, L.A. is out to rewrite history this year. QB Bernie Mac found rookie WR Arnold Schwartzeneggar for 2 quick first downs, and an HB Jerry Seinfeld run off OT Freddie Prinze, Jr. went the 23-yard distance for the score.

On the first drive of the second half, L.A.'s FB Jet Li punched into the endzone behind OG The Rock, and the score was knotted.

L.A. MLB Brad Pitt put the brakes on HB Guy Incognito all day, so AQ turned to air to go for the win. But with only a few minutes left in the half, rookie WR Quagmire cut a route off short, and Sizzlack's pass went long. Right into the arms of L.A. Safety Ray Liotta. Ray ran right past the AQ O, giving LA a 21-14 lead with less than a minute remaining.

But Sizzlack showed why he's considered the best QB in the league, calmly rifling a pass to WR The Cheat, and then a sideline pass to FB Professor Frink. On the last play of the game, Moe rolled out behind outstanding OT Ralph Wiggum, and found HB Guy Incognito running under the secondary for the tying score. Bring on the kickers!

A crane came in to lift the middle of the L.A. Field up and out of the way. Underneath the turf, a swimming pool! (It's L.A.; what else?) But across the pool were two strings of three logs each. Albuquerque's rookie Kicker, Capital City Goofball would have to beat L.A. star kicker Little Val Kilmer in a log-running race. The kicker to successfully get across the logs in the fastest time (in 2 out of 3 races) would win the game! On the first race, Capital City Goofball took a splash on the first log, while L.A.'s LVK sprinted adeptly across three logs to the other side. LVK won the first race by 18 seconds, and clearly appeared to outmatch his opponent. It looked bad for the Isotopes, but on the second race, just as LVK was about to put it away, his foot slipped on a knot on the end of the second log, and he went down. Unfortunately, he bashed his knee on the end of the third log. As Capital City Goofball crossed the finish line, winning the second race, it became apparent that Little Val wouldn't be competing again. The fall and injury would take him out of the competition. Goofball wins the third race by default, and the Isotopes win, 24-21. LVK's X-rays proved negative, and the diagnosis is a simple contusion. He should be back again in a week or 3."

*****
"ESPN2 aired the San Antonio Margaritas (1-0) taking on the defending champs, the Birmingham Olympians (1-0). Fans who tuned in got a great game.

Early in the game, SA DT Sack U broke through past BH OG Dionysus and popped HB Artemis just as he took the handoff. The ball fell loose, and S.A. DE All Pro scooped it up and took it back the other way. S.A. 7-0.

In the second, the Margaritas put their nose down and powered a hard-running drive. On 2nd and goal from the 5, SA FB Metalhead annihilated BH MLB Troy, and HB Mutt scooted in for the score. S.A. 14-0.

In the third quarter, BH WR Revrew put a veteran move on rookie safety Godzilla Blitz, and the champs got on the board.

But unfortunately for Birmingham, the running game went nowhere as S.A. MLB Ray Lewis dominated and destroyed anything that got past the line of scrimmage.

At the end of regulation, S.A. tacked on an insurance score, sealing the victory on another Mutt score. S.A. wins an eye-opener over the champs, 21-7."

*****
"More interesting developments in Chicago as the Fargo Fighting Crawfish (0-1) took on the Eagles (1-0).

Fargo's HB Glutton for Punishment recovered from a poor first week to expose every hole in the Chicago D. And apparently, age has brought in more than a few holes. Glutton gobbled up 152 yards rushing on the day, and knocked in 3 scores.

But the Eagle offense more than made up for the defense's difficulties. O-linemen Tom Sanders and Poseidon punched holes in Fargo's D, making room for HB Randy Steele to pound in two scores and FB Josh Hackenstein to pound in another. Meanwhile, QB Mike 'Air' Marino ran the play-action to perfection, throwing 22-30, 255, and 2. Chicago wins, 35-21."

JeeberD

07-28-2003, 03:03 PM

Argh, so close. I should have expected Leaf to show his true colors in the fourth quarter, though.

I'm really happy with my boys/ They're playing much better than I had expected.

Another tough games next week, this time against Milwaukee, my former employer...

DolphinFan1

07-28-2003, 03:58 PM

2-0, Milwaukee is in the hunt for the championship.....I can dream can't I?

sachmo71

07-28-2003, 04:04 PM

I beat the champs. Wow.

Swaggs

07-28-2003, 04:32 PM

Drat...

tucker342

07-28-2003, 05:44 PM

Well, that sucks....

Marmel

07-28-2003, 06:37 PM

That is just not right rev...

revrew

07-29-2003, 09:36 AM

Sorry, Marmel. The kicking game is the one place where chance comes into play, and you got the short end of the stick on that one. Of course, in previous seasons it went the other way for you. Technically speaking, you had an 80% chance of winning that log-running contest. The rook cards were against you.

Hey, that makes me think...how about a new phrase? "May the Rook be with you." Of course, that's a bad thing, since that determines injuries....

Anyways...Sorry, I can't get week 3 results up today. I've got to run to a family get together. But I also cheated you out of the recap from week 2, so I can at least give you that:

Week 2 commish's recap
"What is going on in El Paso?? Almost knoxing off Knoxville? Well, perhaps that's putting it a bit strongly. Knoxville played a bad half, and it almost cost them. But the point remains...NO ONE should expect an easy win when the Busters are in town. As for next week, El Paso takes on the Muscle Men of Milwaukee. The Muscle runners have been in top form, but with QB Bullseye struggling, might Milwaukee be much more vulnerable than their 2-0 record suggests?

This week's L.A./AQ matchup showed that L.A. is almost ready to make the leap up to the big boys. The Stars may only be 1-1, but I suspect bigger and better things to come. Apparently, ESPN agrees with me, because next week's televised matchup is L.A. vs. Chicago. Two noted defensive teams with upstart offenses this year. Can the Stars pull the big upset?

And what about San Antonio! Way to go, Margaritas. That's a painful loss for the Olympians, who might be looking toward a tie-breaker with S.A. later. No time for Birmingham to wallow, however. Portland is up next week for the Olympians, and the Sea Biscuits are coming off a crushing of the Chaps. Are "Paddy O" and the Biscuits ready to take on the champs?"

Marmel

07-29-2003, 09:49 AM

I understand rev, and have no problems with that.

You have to step into my shoes for a second....a team that has won maybe 5 or 6 games all time, finally getting all the pieces together, and getting to OT against a pretty decent team. OT, good chance for a win with Little Val, right? WRONG! I feel like a Red Sox fan now. :(

:D

JeeberD

07-30-2003, 11:01 AM

Are we going to get a game in today? :)

tucker342

07-30-2003, 11:13 AM

We better, for Rev's sake....;)

NevStar

07-30-2003, 11:30 AM

Originally posted by Marmel
I understand rev, and have no problems with that.

You have to step into my shoes for a second....a team that has won maybe 5 or 6 games all time, finally getting all the pieces together, and getting to OT against a pretty decent team. OT, good chance for a win with Little Val, right? WRONG! I feel like a Red Sox fan now. :(

:D

While it's humorous that you're using your performance against my team as an indication that your team has improved (especially after you beat us last year), WE'RE NOT A GOOD TEAM AND YOU KNOW IT, MARMEL!

Marmel

07-30-2003, 11:52 AM

OK, I should have said with our improvement, we should have beaten a team that is pretty much our equal.

Anyway, you now what I am saying here! I am sick of losing! :D

revrew

07-30-2003, 08:09 PM

Week 3 Results

"Apparently Knoxville (2-0) learned their lesson after last week's poor showing. No overconfidence at all going into the matchup with other expansion club, Cincinnati (0-2). Nope. No overconfidence. Just plain meanness.

Knoxville opened the game by smashmouthing their outstanding running game down Cinci's throat. KX, 7-0. When DT Uncle Jesse Jackson forced and recovered a fumble from Cinci's FB Pom Pom, the Rednecks ran again. KX, 14-0. After Cinci 4-and-outed the next drive, KX ran again. 21-0.

But on the third possession, Cinci finally got the running game going. HB Bubs sprinted off tackle The King of Town, around OLB Bubba Jackson, and pushed the ball into KX territory for the first time. 6 plays later, Cinci regained a bit of confidence, KX 21-7.

But then Knoxville turned to the air. By halftime, it was Knoxville 42-7.

And the carnage didn't stop there. Though CN HB Bubs had a solid day on a few big runs (exposing a bit of weakness in the Knoxville D), it just wouldn't matter. 'Thumbless' Jackson topped 300 yards, including 4 TDs. Rookie HB Leon Jackson (looking like a ROY candidate) topped 200 yards and added 3 TDs of his own. Knoxville fell just short of the magical 60, but nonetheless trashed the Chaps, 56-21."

*****
"The Milwaukee (2-0) vs. El Paso (0-2), didn't feature any of the fireworks evident in the KX/CN game. In fact, defenses and slow, grinding running dominated the play.

El Paso QB Ryan Leaf picked up where he left off in the fourth quarter of last week's game, tossing 2 INTs in the first quarter, both to MW CB He's Not JeeberD. And El Paso's HB Ki-Jana Carter 'busted' his skull more than a few times on hard, MW OLB Superman tackles.

Milwaukee, however, didn't fare much better against the El Paso D. Safety Patrick Bates picked off QB Bullseye early, and DE Aundray Bruce didn't let the former star QB get off a clean pass all day.

But in the second half, an exciting matchup developed. Milwaukee FB Bulldozer found it easy to slip past EP DT Giovanni Jackson, only to face bone-crusing, chops-'bust'ing blows from El Paso's frightening 'backers, Brian Bosworth and Trev Alberts. The repeated bashes and blows resounded like fireworks in a canyon as the Fullback and the 'backers bashed eachother bruised and bloody. A lesser man would have crumpled in a heap by the third quarter, but MW FB Bulldozer showed why he may be the league's most dominating Fullback, powering the Muscle Men to 3 successful scoring drives.

At the end of the game, Bulldozer shook hands with the Buster 'backers -- clearly a profound respect passing between them. The gladiators left the field, and Milwaukee continues its winning streak, taking the game 21-7."

****
"The Albuquerque (1-1) vs. Little Rock (0-2) matchup was decided quickly. The Slick Willies had no answer for AQ QB Moe 'Kid Gruesome' Sizzlack, and AQ OT Ralph Wiggum played a great game, keeping LR rookie L.L.Jeeber D away from the star QB.

By the end of the first half, Sizzlack had torched the WIllies for 300 yards and 3TDs. After that, more than a few Isotopes (not just rookie WR Quagmire), took the rest of the day off.

As for Little Rock, the offense played an excellent day. The O-line dominated the line of scrimmage, and HB Rajah Saleem added 192 yards and 3 scores to his yearly total. Unfortunately, the defense couldn't match the quality of play, and a touchdown-producing INT by AQ safety Troy McClure sealed the Willies' doom. Even though Little Rock put up a good fight, Albuquerque played like a contender today, winning 42-21."

*****
"Portland (1-1) had to take on the champs (1-1 BH) early this year, and unfortunately for the Sea Biscuits, QB 'Paddy O' looked plenty green.

The rookie QB threw INTs to BH safety Odysseus, OLB Arkantos, and even a tipped INT to DE Atlantis. Veteran Antonio de La Tonio also had a tough day, rushing for less than 70 yards and giving up a fumble to BH DT Hera.

The Birmingham offense was deadly efficient, as HB Artemis notched up 103 and 2 and WR Revrew hauled in 118 and 2. QB Zeus Reloaded played another solid day of play-action, and kept his completion percentage high.

Powered by a smothering D and an efficient O, the champs looked like it today; BH 28-0."

*****
"And speaking of looking like champs, the San Antonio Margaritas (2-0), who knocked off the champs last week, didn't miss a beat against Fargo (0-2). DT Sack U and MLB Ray Lewis took away all of FG HB Glutton for Punishment's running lanes, and DE All Pro made sure FG QB Killer didn't have time to find his receivers.

Meanwhile, the Margarita M&M boys carried the ball a combined 47 times, bludgeoning Fargo behind their stellar O-line. Eating up the clock, eating up the yardage, and playing dominant D, the Margaritas crushed Fargo, 21-0."

*****
"ESPN2 couldn't have been happier with the first play of their televised L.A. (1-1) vs. Chicago (2-0) matchup. Eagle OGs Mark Sheet and Tom Sanders doubled LA DT Ed Norton, FB Josh Hackenstein blew up LA DT Tom Hanks, and CH HB Randy Steele blasted through the middle. But as Tom Hanks hit the ground, Steele had to leap over the fallen DT. His cleats never hit the dirt. LA MLB Brad Pitt streaked into the hole and hit Steele in the air, upending Steele and sending both players 3 yards deep into the backfield. ESPN2 called the hit, 'Clash of the Titans'. Not only was the hit reportedly heard as far away as Malibu, but it set the tone for the rest of the game. The surging offenses got off center stage, and the league's bid Ds squared off in a bloodbath.

L.A.'s DE Toby 'Spiderman' McGwire terrorized CH rookie OT John Tate, and QB Mike 'Air' Marino had to run for his life. But CH OLB Ray Brown turned on the afterburners, blitzing right past L.A.'s poor interior lineman and flattening LA QB Bernie Mac repeatedly. Chicago's safety Ajimba Haad grabbed an INT, but L.A. safety Ray Liotta grabbed two. Star MLB Brad Pitt recorded 12 tackles, but Eagle MLB Zach Urlacher grabbed 13. It proved a matchup Mike Ditka, or maybe Dick Butkus, would have loved.

When the dust settled, the Fullbacks determined the final score. On short, 1, 2, and 3-yard plunges, LA FB Jet Li and CH FB Josh Hackenstein notched the only scores. But it was 1 for Li and two for 'the Hack'. Chicago wins a squeaker, 14-7."

*****
Commish's recap

"Good golly, what got up Knoxville's @$$? 56 points? That's ugly. The rest of the league had better watch out if they want to catch up.

And speaking of catching up, has anyone else noticed that Milwaukee sits at 3-0? Next week the Muscle Men face Fargo, and GM DolphinFan could easily be looking at 4 and Oh, my, watch out for Milwaukee. Their defense is solid, their running game dominating. But the Muscle Men have the softest first 4 games in the league. After that, it could be quite a bubble bursting for Muscle-heads.

Where's the intrigue next week? AQ vs. BH? No, how about San Antonio vs. Knoxville? The Margaritas are playing like contenders and Knoxville is a bit up-and-down. A win for S.A. would put them square in the driver's seat. Of course, it would do the same for Knoxville. A BIG game, way too early in the season. Might we decide the champ next week?"

korme

07-30-2003, 08:25 PM

Oh, what a surprise, El Paso with the valiant effort, Cinci crushed

revrew

07-30-2003, 08:38 PM

Hey, valiant effort don't mean squat if you still finish 1-10. Take heart. You did, afterall, request a team in Cincinatti.

tucker342

07-30-2003, 08:59 PM

That's more like it! Good win.

DolphinFan1

07-30-2003, 10:06 PM

3-0. On our way!! JeeberD, at least we didn't run up the score like Knoxville did to Cincinnati.

JeeberD

07-30-2003, 10:44 PM

Damn straight He's Not JeeberD. I would have given up several TDs to Leaf and Yatil Green. Damn that replacement of mine... :mad:

Good game though. And I'm glad to see that my defense is holding up reasonably well. Looks like I know what I need to work on in the off season, though...

Next week Portland comes a callin'. That should be a good game. Can Erik Flamebeard stop the skull busting combo of Bosworth and Alberts? Only time will tell...

revrew

07-31-2003, 09:57 AM

Week 4 Results

"What a week! Four of our six games were determined by only one score! Only one blowout this week, so we'll begin there. And, as you might suspect, it involves an expansion club.

Apparently, the Eagles were a bit upset about me leaving them out of title talks in last week's recap, for when Chicago (3-0) faced Cincinatti (0-3), the result was everything their records might suggest.

Cinci's safety Pan Pan was no match for CH QB Mike 'Air' Marino, who lit up the Chaps secondary for over 400, including 210 yards to Pan Pan's responsibility, WR Chad Spears.

Unfortunately, CN MLB Homeschool Winner should go back to spelling bees, because he was just as ineffective at slowing down the run. More often than not, the MLB was pasted by CH FB Josh Hackenstein, allowing HB Randy Steele to top 150 yards, and add 3 more scores to the tally.

For Cinci, the lone bright spot was a reasonably effective running game. FB Pom Pom offered solid blocks and HB Bubs did an excellent job breaking tackles. But when Chicago starting running up the score, QB James Earl Jones offered no help. Chicago wins the week's only blowout, 49-14."

*****
"The only other game this week that didn't come down to the wire was the L.A. Stars (1-2) vs. Little Rock (0-3). Though not a blowout, the Stars had this game firmly in control from the beginning.

The Stars were efficient, methodical, marching down the field and eating up the clock. With their smothering defense, L.A. was counting on winning a game of field position. It proved to be good strategy. Little Rock faced an uphill climb all day, and though Rajah Saleem played well enough to find the endzone once, the team couldn't overcome a solid, team effort from L.A.

For the Stars, HB Jerry Seinfeld scored once, and QB Bernie Mac tossed TDs to WRs Joe Pesci and Arnold "The Schwartz" Schwartzeneggar, giving L.A. a 21-7 victory."

*****
"And now, if you haven't been mentioned yet, you know you were in a close one. We'll begin with Milwaukee (3-0) vs. Fargo (0-3). But don't let those records fool you. Fargo isn't that bad. And Milwaukee isn't that good.

It didn't turn out to be a good day for either of the QBs, as MW QB Bullseye continued his horrific slump, tossing an INT to rookie CB F. Swaggs in the first and third. Meanwhile, Fargo's QB Killer followed suit, only to Milwaukee's He's Not JeeberD.

The only succesful offense on the day would come on the ground, but that's no surprise to these two squads. Milwaukee's DT duo Sampson and Godzilla just proved too slow to put the brakes on Fargo's HB Glutton for Punishment. 'GP' tallied 116 yards and 2 scores on 24 carries. FG FB Ty Wick added 65 rushing yards of his own.

But once again, the Muscle Man running game pommeled the opposition. FB Bulldozer and HB Ricky Williams each topped 100 on the day, and the 3 combined TDs gave undefeated Milwaukee the win, 21-14."

*****
"Portland (1-2) probably doesn't like the idea that El Paso (0-3) is only a touchdown away from their score. But which way? 7 more points, or less?

While last week, Milwaukee's Bulldozer met El Paso bash brother 'backers Brian Bosworth and Trev Alberts head to head, Portland's Antonio De La Tonio didn't fare as well. The Itallion Stallion got gang tackled in the first and had to be helped off the field. Those 36-yr-old legs just ain't what they used to be. HB Ron Dayne finished the game, but couldn't manage to break the century mark, and only punched in 1 TD.

This left the door open for El Paso to pull the upset. But no running room could be found with PT DTs Colonel Jo and Captain Bipto in the middle. PT MLB Sectoid Commander had an outstanding day, flying around the outside, and the Buster running game was officially shut down.

Which left the game in the hands of Ryan Leaf. Oooooh, that's not a pretty statement.

But give the ex-Cougar credit; he completed a few sporadic passes at key moments, 2 of which went for TDs. WR Yatil Green had a good day, catching 8-108-2.

But Portland's inspiring rookie QB, Paddy O' Leary, marshalled the troops. With the Buster 'backers shutting down everything inside 15 yards, 'Paddy O' starting going deep. 'The way Oi figgur,' said O'Leary afterwards, 'Oi've got the two best receivurrs purhaps in the league. Best be tossin' the ball out there and see what they can doo.' Richthofen and Ogadai didn't disappoint. Two second half TD streaks of 30+ yards each were just what 'Paddy O' and the little people were needin'. Portland wins one, too close for comfort, 21-14."

*****
"An upset was brewing, however, in Albuquerque, where the Isotopes (2-1) hosted the Olympians (2-1).

Albuquerque found little running room as DTs Hera and Maximillion Powers clogged the middle and OLB Arkantos covered the outside. But AQ OTs Groudskeeper Willie and Ralph Wiggum proved up for the task of slowing down the strangely quiet Atlantis brothers. And any time at all for AQ QB Sizzlack is too much time for an opponent to afford.

Sizzlack has fallen into a consistent pattern of efficient passing to WR stand-by, The Cheat, and HB Guy Incognito, followed by the occasional deep strike to rookie WR Quagmire. The approach worked again today, as BH CB Hades was caught napping. Quagmire caught 5-125-2 on the day.

Birmingham managed to punch in a pair of ground scores, but AQ safety Troy McClure tortured BH QB 'ZR' with 2 picks and 3 defended passes. The Olympians couldn't get the air attack going. When AQ QB hit WR The Cheat for another in the fourth quarter, it was enough to give Albuquerque the win, 21-14."

*****
"Finally, we turn to ESPN2 and the Knoxville (3-0) vs. San Antonio (3-0) title bout. Okay, it might be a bit early to be talkin' title (yes, Chicago, we know you're still out there lurking, and Milwaukee is also 4-0), but this game has trophy implications written all over it. And with games like this, ESPN is going to have to start carrying the ZFL on the mother station. Whoo-ee!

San Antonio apparentely read a weakness in Knoxville's MLB Tucker Jackson, as the M&M brothers began and ended the game, bashing it up the middle behind widebodies Lone Star and Da Man. An occasional HB Mutt end-around, around KX DE Cletus Jackson, proved an effective change of pace. San Antonio played ball control well, keeping the rock away from the dangerous Redneck offense.

But when the Rednecks did get the ball, they were determined to make the most of it. Rookie weapons HB Leon Jackson and WR Luke Jackson each topped 100 yards on the day, and Knoxville kept up the pace. The score went back and forth, 7-7, 14-14, 21-21.

San Antonio powered the ball well, but it seemed Knoxville was singing, "Anything you can do, I can do better. I can do anything..." OOF! Until SA rookie safety Godzilla Blitz picked off a 'Thumbless' pass and starting streaking the other way! The only thing preventing GB from driving home one more go-ahead score was the pursuing KX WR Jackson Jackson. GB and JJ raced to the goalline. Who would get there first??

Actually, neither got there. JJ showed some veteran craftiness, tomahawking down on GB's arm from behind and forcing a fumble on the INT return! Knoxville's FB Samuel 'The South will Rise Again' Jackson recovered on the 6 yard line!

With 94 yards to go, and just escaping a heart-attack run back, Knoxville got one more chance to drive home the winning score. It was one chance to many. With only seconds left, Knoxville completed its 94-yard drive on a Leon Jackson behind OG Fort Sumter Jackson TD plunge. Knoxville wins a memorable contest, 28-21."

*****
Commish's recap

"Negotiations are almost complete with FOX network to begin carrying ZFL games. After all the excitement on 'the Deuce', audiences are ready for even more ZFL action!

And speaking of action, Knoxville and Albuquerque pull off the big wins! It appears as if Birmingham has been eliminated from title contention, but then again...

Meanwhile, Chicago and Milwaukee continue their unbeaten streaks, and the expansion clubs continue their winless streaks.

But all of that, yes, ALL of that, can change next week. Undefeated Knoxville takes on undefeated Milwaukee, and scorned San Antonio aims for undefeated Chicago. Crazy stuff could happen on the leaderboard after next week!

And underneath the drama at the top, El Paso gets it's shot at its first upset win against lowly Fargo, and Cinci gets an opportunity against lowly Little Rock. And if THAT isn't enough drama, the others games are PT/AQ and the struggling champs against the surging Stars! It all could hit the fan next week, as another chapter of the exciting ZFL unfolds!"

sachmo71

07-31-2003, 10:06 AM

Great game!! Too bad about my safety not putting it away, but he is a rookie after all.

Marmel

07-31-2003, 10:14 AM

It is so nice to once again beat a Swagg's run team. :D

Coffee Warlord

07-31-2003, 10:41 AM

New features to the web site.

1) Editable players. Owners, click on your player, and you can monkey with their info. Obviously, you still need to put your password in. Now you all can update your rosters! Yay!

2) Release players. Player traded? Released? Whatever? Click on the player (ala edit), put in your password, and click the release player. Note, the player is NOT deleted, so all our all pros and players going to other teams will stay in the system. More in point 3.

3) When adding players, to compensate for trades, the system looks for a player of identical names. If it finds it, that player will be moved onto your team instead of a new entry being inserted into the DB. Now yes, this can be abused (by people just putting in names off all opponents players and adding them to their squad), but ... don't. This way, we get to track all the records (and I'm working on trade history) throughout time.

EDIT: First, the link is...

http://www.officepimps.com/zfl/

Second, when releasing players, you MUST do the following. (Annoying, but I have real work to do, and it ain't that bigga deal)

1) Click on player.
2) Enter Password/Click on Release
3) <b>CLICK ON THE BACK TO STANDINGS LINK</b>

After you get back to the standings you can go back in and repeat. It's just gotta clear out some variables.

sachmo71

07-31-2003, 10:59 AM

Another post of the link, perhaps?

digamma

07-31-2003, 11:41 AM

Knoxville GM "Two Jacks" Jackson had the following quote in this mornings Daily Tennessean: "We feel very fortunate to be 4-0 and in the hunt for another ZFL title. We're excited about playing the Muscle Men, a team we feel a certain bond with because they gave us the opportunity to get Thumbless a couple of years ago."

What is the password on the web site? Did I miss that?

The Afoci

07-31-2003, 12:09 PM

0-4 Baby, as always, there is next year!

tucker342

07-31-2003, 12:34 PM

okay, it's time to make alot of moves.... next year, you will see a different team out of Birmingham, one that won't lose!!!

JeeberD

07-31-2003, 12:43 PM

Dammit, another close loss.. Grrr...

Oh well, it could be worse. I could be getting the snot beat out of me like Cincy does every week. :)

JAG

07-31-2003, 01:31 PM

Man, a lot of exciting games early this year. San Antonio vs. Chicago this upcoming week too.

DolphinFan1

07-31-2003, 05:07 PM

4-0, I want to wish Digamma good luck next week. Let's make it a classic.

tucker342

08-02-2003, 03:57 PM

No game yesterday? how dare you!!!;)

sachmo71

08-03-2003, 02:35 PM

JeeberD

08-03-2003, 05:31 PM

I thought that rev said that we were gonna get in five games this week!

:(

revrew

08-04-2003, 08:10 AM

Sorry for the delay, gentlemen. There's been a new development in revrew's life...

Some idiot has reported my family to the authorities with allegations of child abuse (from the nature of the accusations, we suspect it may have been a malicious report. The charges are nonsensical for an observant neighbor or acquaintance.) Since Thursday, we have been the subject of a gestapo investigation. (I don't know about other states, but Iowa is very aggressive and frequently unethical in their investigations. The DHS has a baaad reputation in this state.) As always, it's "guilty until proven innocent" in these cases. Thankfully, I have a lawyer on retention, and I'm familiar with the DHS's strategy of intimidating people into voluntarily and unwittingly relinquishing their fourth amendment rights. Armed with that knowledge, we were able to preserve some of our dignity and legal rights, but...

We've had to put our lives on hold to take our children to the hosptial to by weighed, strip searched, and blood tested (as expected, the doctor reported all were healthy and injury-free). We've been "taken in for questioning" and required to present evidence that we DO keep food in the house. This is all pretty standard stuff for an investigation, but it sure does wreak a lot of havoc, tension, and fear in the house.

At this point, it would seem the inquisition itself is over, but we will have to wait up to a month for the investigator to file her report with the social worker. At that point, we'll find out if there will be any more "recommended" action.

Hopefully, as this looks to be cooling off, the ZFL will be up and running again in a few days.

Sorry for the delay. And especially before such a crucial week!

JAG

08-04-2003, 08:35 AM

What a mess, really sorry to hear about that revrew. Hopefully the worst of all this is behind you and your family so you can get on with your lives.

sachmo71

08-04-2003, 09:17 AM

grrrrrr...if this was done out of malice, then the person who did this should pay.

Coffee Warlord

08-04-2003, 09:24 AM

Can't you find out who accused you and/or sue someone for, say, wrong prosecution/harrassment/something along those lines? That is utter and complete bullshit.

illinifan999

08-04-2003, 09:45 AM

Wow, that's terrible. Just too many idiots out there. But it sounds like you should come out of this clean as a whistle. But still that's absolutly wrong that some jerk would do this. :(

Marmel

08-04-2003, 09:49 AM

Sorry to hear that rev. I am sure things will work out, best of luck to you.

If you need any character witnesses, just send those guys over here to the ZFL threads. ;)

The Afoci

08-04-2003, 09:59 AM

All I have is Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws. Their character is suspect at best, so I got nothing.

Good Luck.

tucker342

08-04-2003, 10:06 AM

That sucks Rev! What a mean thing for someone to do...

JeeberD

08-04-2003, 11:36 AM

I'm sorry to hear about that. It's amazing what some jerks will do to good people...

digamma

08-04-2003, 12:15 PM

That is terrible. Sounds like you are making the best of an undeservedly bad situation.

Swaggs

08-04-2003, 12:30 PM

Sorry to hear this Rev. I hope there are some repercussions for the accusers.

korme

08-04-2003, 01:50 PM

Sorry to hear about that, man.

revrew

08-04-2003, 03:02 PM

Originally posted by Coffee Warlord
Can't you find out who accused you and/or sue someone for, say, wrong prosecution/harrassment/something along those lines? That is utter and complete bullshit.

And I quote - "Iowa law does not permit the child protection worker to disclose this information to you...."

Nope. Accusers are protected by a shield law. The thing I'm most concerned about is...will this happen again? And again? And again? What's to protect the parents in this? Oh, I forgot. This is America. No laws protect parents in America.

OKAY, OKAY, Bitter diatribe over. Thanks for your support, guys. Will let you know when that report comes in final. Until then, it sounds like I've got nothing else to do, so...back to the ZFL.

revrew

08-04-2003, 03:02 PM

Week 5 results

"5 of the 6 games this week were decided by a touchdown or less! And there were 3 - count 'em, THREE - upsets in the week. In fact, we almost had 5. And in the only game not decided by 7 or less, a new professional football record was set by one of the ZFL's most exciting stars. Stay tuned for what was probably the most surprising week in ZFL history!"

"The action began on the FOX television network, with undefeated Knoxville (4-0) traveling to undefeated Milwaukee (4-0). Milwuakee's run and stun against the Redneck offensive onlaught.

True to form, the Rednecks started the game with a bang, as 'Thumbless' opened with 5-for-7 and 68 yards, capping the 80-yard drive with a TD strike to JJ.

Before the quarter ended, MW FB Bulldozer powered over KX DT Uncle Jesse Jackson, spun out of the grip of KX MLB Tucker Jackson, and tied the score.

The two teams split a pair of rushing TDs, and the half ended tied at 14.

In the second half, Knoxville's offense began to overpower Milwaukee's subpar D-line. At first, it appeared the Rednecks would take over. But a key sack by MW DE Rocky, followed by an INT by MLB Zach 'Clog the Middle' Thomas ended one drive. A fumble caused by OLB Superman ended another. Knoxville managed a TD run by FB Samuel Jackson, but the Muscle Men refused to go away.

Early in the fourth, Milwaukee tied it again with yet another Bulldozer TD, and the clock ticked down. But when KX WR Luke Jackson slipped the grip of MW safety Brock Marion and turned a short gainer into 35, Knoxville was knocking on the door. Another TD to JJ, and KX gets the winning score, taking a close one, 28-21."

*****
"Excitement hit Cincinnati too, as the Chaps (0-4) took on the Slick Willies (0-4). But the excitement was of a different nature.

On the opening play, Little Rock HB Rajah Saleem took the handoff, ran past OG John Boy Eddison, and sprinted 80 yards for the score. Rajah's long runs would be the theme on the day.

In the second, Saleem sprinted for 19, then later for 12 and another score.

Cinci's QB James Earl Jones found some success tossing to WRs Homestar Runner and Hans Moleman, and the Chaps did punch in a few TDs on solid-looking drives, but the day belonged to Rajah.

The Little Rock running back added to his league-leading rushing total, and set an all-time pro football record. When Saleem sprinted 55 yards for his FOURTH touchdown of the day in the third quarter, the coaches sat him down. Little Rock's offensive line had been opening up wide lanes all day long, and in the open field, Rajah Saleem is head-and-tails the best runner in football. The Chaps defense grasped at air, but Saleem wasn't there. Not only had he scored four times, but Rajah had run for a record 336 yards!

Said the Slick Willies' coach afterward, "I really don't think Cinci played a bad game today. But Rajah was on fire, brilliant, spectacular. If the rest of the league has dismissed him as an afterthought on a struggling team, I don't think they will anymore." No, I don't think they will either. Little Rock wins, 42-21."

*****
"Might we have our first defensive MVP this season? If L.A.'s (2-2) MLB Brad Pitt continues like he did today, you'd better believe we will. With the oddly struggling champs, the Birmingham Olympians (2-2) in town, Pitt and the "Star Crunch" were barking for an upset.

Birmingham found out early, Pitt's bark is NOT worse than his bite. On the first play, Pitt streaked around the end and caught BH QB 'ZR' in the blindside, popping the ball loose. It was recovered by BH FB Hephaestus, but Pitt would find the backfield again. And again. And again. And again. 5 sacks for the Pitt-Bull today.

L.A.'s 'Spiderman', DE Toby McGwire also added a pair of sacks, and safety Ray Liotta an INT, thus demolishing the passing game. BH QB 'ZR' had his worst game of the season, tossing for fewer than 150 yards, no touchdowns, and 2 INTs, one of which was also snapped up by Pitt-Bull.

Neither QB had much to offer today, as Birmingham's DTs Hera and Maximillion Powers also spent some quality time in the backfield, and BH safety Odysseus recorded a pick himself.

But Pitt-Bull and the Star Crunch weren't content to let the Olympians run the ball either. Artemis was held to under 100, and Hephaestus to under 10. The Olympians got nowhere on the day, and only an LA HB Jerry Seinfeld run broke the scoreboard. L.A. wins the shocker upset, 7-0."

*****
"And speaking of upsets, there was almost an upset in regulation, then there was an upset in overtime, as the Isotopes (3-1) took on the Sea Biscuits (2-2).

The fireworks in the game came early and often as the two defenses didn't put up much resistance. True, Portland's DTs Colonel Joseph and Captain Bipto put the brakes on Albuquerque's running game, and AQ's safety Troy McClure took the wind out of Portland's aerial sails, but PT couldn't stop AQ in the air, and AQ couldn't stop PT on the ground.

Running behind a devastating O-line, Antonio De La Tonio looked a lot like his old self, piling up 141 yards and 3 scores. Albuquerque's QB Moe Sizzlack had all day with no pressure to pick apart the Portland D, and 'Kid Gruesome' put up 328 yards and 3 scores himself. Portland's QB Paddy O'Leary had a fine game, but an INT to Troy McClure went the distance back to the house, and though Portland looked strong enough to score the upset throughout the contest, the scoreboard at the end read 35-35. Bring on the kickers!

From the top of the stadium, Portland's Vladimir von Vladimir and AQ's Capital City Goofball were strung by bungee cords. In the middle of the stadium was a huge foam tower with all these red and blue balls velcro-ed to it. Apparently, the goal was to bungee down, grab a ball of the right color, spring back, and dump it in a basket. Whoever bungeed the most balls in 2 minutes was the winner. Or something like that. It was a bit goofy. Methinks the ZFL borrowed too much from 'American Gladiators' on this one. Anyways, the two kickers had a dickens of a time aiming their bungees right, though there was a sweet, midair collision where the two cords got wrapped around each other and Vlad almost had his foot sliced off at the ankle...but at the end of 2 minutes it was 4 red balls to 2 blue. The Goofball continues his string of bizarre luck, and AQ wins the game, 38-35."

*****
"Upsets continue as the Fighting Crawfish (0-4) falter against the upstart El Paso Busters (0-4).

One can hardly blame Fargo's running game. HB Glutton for Punishment and FB Ty Wick hammered away at El Paso's DTs Danny Noonan and Giovanni Jackson. But Fargo wideouts Shane and Tarek were used and abused by the vicious El Paso "Bash-Backers" MLB Brian Bosworth and OLB Trev Alberts. The wideout pair gave up 3 fumbles and 2 INTS, the turnover battle killing the Crawdads on the day.

As for El Paso, the Buster offense was far from top form, as QB Ryan Leaf gave up a pair of INTs himself to rookie CB F.Swaggs, and OTs Tony Marndarich and Gustav Gustavson couldn't keep FG DEs Chesty and Number II from demolishing their QB.

But in the end, costly fumbles cost the 'Fish. They couldn't manage more than one scoring drive without a turnover, and the frightening expansion club takes a freaky win over one of the original 10, winning, 14-7."

*****
"The eyes of the nation turned to ESPN2 to watch the charging San Antonio Margaritas (3-1) go for the throat against league-leading Chicago (4-0).

San Antonio opened the game the way they would all day, powering M&M (Mutt and Metalhead) behind their "wide-load" offensive line. The Eagle D played a conservative, bend but don't break defense that allowed the run, but took away all short and play-action passes. The result was a disastrous day for S.A. QB Handoff King, whose completion percentage barely topped a quarter.

But for Chicago, QB Mike 'Air' Marino had troubles of his own, as S.A.'s DE All Pro proved too fast for rookie OT John Tate, and SA rookie Godzilla Blitz proved a bit too sticky-fingered for WR Chad Spears. All Pro recorded 3 sacks, and GB garnered an INT.

The game was up to the run, then, as S.A. nickel and dimed and field-positioned their way into 3 scoring drives.

But for Chicago, OG Tom Sanders made way for HB Randy Steele to get the job done, scoring thrice himself.

At the end of regulation, 21-21. Bring on the kickers!

San Antonio's Eater of Sandwiches looked like the favorite right away in his strength matchup with Chicago's Little Foot. Each contestant was given a string of ten 200-pound iron balls to lift, carry, and dump over a wall and into a pool. The fans lined the edge of the pool in parkas the ZFL provided to catch the splash of the action. Gutsy (literally, have you seen the gut on that guy?) Eater of Sandwiches figured out how to use his belly as leverage early, and at the end of the time limit, EoS had rained down on the crowd 7 times. Chicago's Little Foot managed to toss 4 balls into the drink, but the deficit give San Antonio the upset win in overtime, 24-21."

*****
Commish's recap
"Awesome week! 3 upsets, 2 ties, and how about Rajah Saleem! We got our own Barry Sanders in this league, baby. Kudos to L.A. and El Paso for rising up from the depths of underdog land to take the big wins. And San Antonio vanquishes itself from the criticism earlier in the year, suggesting Chicago would benefit from a draft-day blunder. Way to stick it to the critics, Margaritas!

The games pretty much speak for themselves, but what has truly becomes exciting is the standings:

Knoxville: 5-0
San Antonio: 4-1
Chicago: 4-1
Albuquerque: 4-1
Milwaukee: 4-1
L.A. : 3-2

Half the league so close to the top? Boo-ya!

Next week, Chicago gets a chance to teach El Paso a little humility, Milwaukee tries to hang in the title hunt against old foe Portland, but the big game is in Albuquerque. 'Topes takin' on the 'Ritas of San Antonio. 4-1 vs. 4-1! One will hang around to challenge Knoxville, the other has to fight for third place. What's it gonna be, fellas?"

digamma

08-04-2003, 03:14 PM

5-0. Suuuhhhh-weeeet.

JeeberD

08-04-2003, 03:19 PM

1-4. Sweeeeeet.... :)

The Afoci

08-04-2003, 03:25 PM

0-5, at least we are young...

Marmel

08-04-2003, 03:28 PM

We are legit!

sachmo71

08-04-2003, 03:43 PM

Gulp. Didn't expect to beat the mighty Eagles.

DolphinFan1

08-04-2003, 04:15 PM

Great game Digamma.

Oh and Revrew, Sorry to hear about your problem. I hope the people who did this pay. My prayers are with your family.

Swaggs

08-04-2003, 04:16 PM

Damn Shorty. Your team must be really bad.

korme

08-04-2003, 04:43 PM

I lose in the only game decided by more than one touchdown. Sweeeet. :)

tucker342

08-04-2003, 06:24 PM

Wow, you know your team sucks when you lose to LA.... it might be time for a little rebuilding...

tucker342

08-04-2003, 06:25 PM

dola-

Wow your team sucks Shorty:D

revrew

08-04-2003, 08:59 PM

tucker....so sorry man....it gets worse. Lots worse.

tucker342

08-05-2003, 02:58 PM

Don't say I lose to Shorty......

revrew

08-05-2003, 07:13 PM

But then it also gets better, tucker. I can't believe how much fun we're gonna have here shortly. The teams are so balanced, with strengths and weaknesses in varying areas, that upsets abound. We got some this week...and 3 next week! But first, week 6.

Week 6 Results

"We begin in El Paso, where the Busters (1-4) got to test themselves against the Eagles (4-1).

It wasn't much of a test. Chicago came out strong, and stayed that way throughout the contest.

And while the El Paso linebackers played a solid game, the Eagles came at the Busters from too many directions. Up the middle behind OG Tom Sanders and FB Josh Hackenstein, or around tackles John Tate and Poseidon, HB Randy Steele succeeded where other runners have failed, totalling 111 yards and 3 scores. Chicago's QB Mike 'Air' Marino showed no difficulty stretching the El Paso D either, as WR Jet caught 9-101-2. A tremendously well-excuted game plan left El Paso hoping just to put some points on the board and go home. They Busters did score one by air and one by land, but that wasn't enough; Chicago wins, 35-14."

*****
"Oh, how the mighty have fallen. Has Mount Olympus crashed into the sea? The severely disappointing Birmingham Olympians (2-3), it would seem, had a chance to rebound against the struggling Crawfish (0-5). Or so it would seem.

BH QB Zeus Reloaded suffered another wretched outing, as the young 'ZR' was taken to school by an even younger rookie FG CB, F. Swaggs. The rook notched up 3 INTS, and Birmingham would have a hard time recovering.

Fargo HB Glutton for Punishment struggled in the middle, but found some room to run around OT Stud, and coupled with an opportunistic defense, Fargo managed 14. Which is quite a bit, considering how well the BH Defense played today.

Alas, the same cannot be said for the offense, which managed to do nothing in the air, and only get two TDs on the ground. Only 14? Yep. And you know what that means...Bring on the kickers!

Fargo's 19-year-old XSquared vs. Olympian LeBron James in an in-line roller derby. An interesting urban setting course was set up with railings, ramps, and stairs, and the two gladiators were set to rollerblade around the course for 10 minutes. For each lap completed, the roller would receive 5 points; for each trick, 1 point; and for each takedown of the opponent, 3 points. While LeBron showed some great hops and scored some good trick points by leaping the railings, it was clear that XSquared was at home in his element. X2 lapped his opponent twice, knocked him down twice, and even stopped twice to gather in the applause after some awesome aerials. Final score was LeBron 19, X2 41. Not even close.

Fargo wins the big upset over the defending champs! 17-14."

*****
"And speaking of not even close, Cincinnati (0-5) became the latest team to discover that the L.A. Stars (3-2) are legit. They also became the latest victim of "the Pitt-Bull".

While Cincinatti managed fewer than 200 offensive yards, total, on the day, L.A. MLB Brad Pitt recorded 1 sack, 1 INT, and 11 tackles.

Meanwhile, the L.A. offense clicked with Jerry Seinfeld running off bookend tackles, Matthew McConaughey and Freddie Prinze Jr.

And rookie WR Arnold Schwartzeneggar found Cinci safety Pan Pan not up for the physical challenge. "The Schwartz" caught 8-95-2.

Fabulous effort today from all around the Star Crunch. Even OLB The Real Gus made highlight films by plastering CN WR Hans Moleman so hard, the receiver coughed up the ball and took a seat. Reserve wideout Tape-leg would have to finish the contest, though doctors report Moleman should be back for next week. L.A. wins a statement game, 28-0."

*****
"Unfortunately for Little Rock (1-4), Knoxville (5-0) came knocking this week. Unfortunately for the Knoxville defense, Rajah Saleem is out to kick some serious @$$ this year.

In a game that seemed to see nothing but big plays, Knoxville's Leon Jackson (ROY?) sprinted for 24 and a 29-yard TD runs. In the second half, when Robby 'Action' Jackson finally got to see some action, the vet also streaked for a couple of long gainers. 4 scores on the ground for KX. 'Thumbless' looked stellar as usual, tossing the rock to JJ and Luke Jackson for better than 300 and 3.

But though Knoxville ran away with this on early, Little Rock's Rajah Saleem ran away from the Rednecks often. Big runs of 19, 43, and 72 yards netted 3 TDs for Saleem, who at this pace will obliterate the ZFL's single-season rushing record. As for the passing game, Little Rock also experienced some success--both WRs Stuart Rembert and Bruce Spinner topped 100 yards, but neither found paydirt, and turnovers killed off way too much of Little Rock's production. Take away those Saleem runs and this game would have been truly, truly, ugly. But as it was, KX still wins easily, 49-21."

*****
"On FOX this week, the unpredictable Portland Sea Biscuits (2-3) battled frequent rival, the Milwaukee Muscle Men (4-1).

Milwaukee's defense set the tone early, bending a bit to OG Eric Flamebeard and HB Antonio de La Tonio, but stubbornly refusing to give up a single big play. MW DE Rocky and OLB Superman timed blitzes well, ensuring PT QB Paddy O'Leary never had time to set his feet. CB He's not JeeberD kept everyone honest in the secondary.

Meanwhile, the Milwaukee running game was content to chew up the ground and the clock, as Ricky Williams carried the rock 21 times and FB Bulldozer carried it 17.

As for Portland's O, it fought valiantly for every inch it could get against Milwuakee. 2 yards here and 4 there and another 3 only make 9, however, and first downs were hard to come by. Nonetheless, at the start of the fourth, Portland had managed to score twice, and the PT D had done a fine job of supressing Milwaukee. Tied at 14, the two teams prepared for the final quarter.

In the fourth, Portland's dynamite DT duo, Colonel Joseph and Captain Bipto clogged the middle and put pressure in QB Bullseye's face. But the outside proved a bit vulnerable. A few first downs and a completed pass to WR The Flash put Milwaukee in striking distance. When PT OLB Kang missed a tackle, it was all HB Ricky Williams needed to go 12 yards for the score. Milwaukee wins. 21-14."

*****
"ESPN2 also got a look at a great game as San Antonio (4-1) took on Albuquerque (4-1). The week's biggest matchup would come down to the wire.

For San Antonio, QB Handoff King discovered just how much ground AQ's superstar safety, Troy McClure can cover. McClure recorded a pair of picks and forced two fumbles on crushing blows to WRs Streak and Primetime. For the Margaritas, the game would have to be won on the ground. But then again, that's how San Antonio seems to like it. The M&M boys tore up the turf. HB Mutt rushed for 130 yards and 2 scores. Metalhead contributed 45 and 1.

But the turnovers kept AQ in the game, and you don't ever want AQ in the game with QB Moe Sizzlack at the helm. Sizzlack torched SA rookie safety Godzilla Blitz, tossing 3 TDs to favorite target, The Cheat. Rookie WR Quagmire hauled in a couple of deep passes and finished with over 120 yards, but failed to get it past the pylons.

At the end of regulation, the score was tied, 21-21. Bring on the kickers!

Albuquerque's Capital City Goofball has had an outstanding rookie season, winning 2 overtimes already. But both seemed more like freak chance than actually outperforming his opponent. Could he do it again against San Antonio's Eater of Sandwiches? The two would have to duke it out on a bumper car course. The first to successfully complete 10 laps around a makeshift course bounded by bales of hay would be the winner. CCG in the red car, EoS in the blue, the gun sounded and the cars roared to life. Around each corner, the two collided. Without any rules, per se, there were also a few punches, a hold or two, and a closeline exchanged. After 8 laps, EoS had worked his way into a strong lead. If he could just stay ahead, he'd have it made...but what's this? A bit of smoke from the engine? EoS slowed just a bit, and it allowed the Goof to catch up. Crash! Goof plowed his cart into the back of EoS! It sends the Margarita kicker into a spin, his front bumper catches the edge of a hay bale, and EoS comes to a complete stop! Capital City Goofball wins the race! The Isotopes take the matchup 24-21."

*****
Commish's recap
"I can't explain the crazy luck of Albuquerque's Capital City Goofball. In each contest thus far, CCG was the clear underdog. He doesn't have the coordination, the athleticism, the speed, or the strength of any of the other kickers he's faced. And yet, his record is 3-0. Is the Goof Irish or something? He's got to be the luckiest blarney I've ever seen! Albuquerque should have a record of 2-4 right now, but instead they sit at 5-1. Knoxville had better be thankful the Isotopes are in the rearview mirror already this season.

And who can explain the fall of Birmingham? They went from worst to first, and now it appears they may fall back to worst again. Was last season just a fluke?

As for next week, can El Paso pull another win? They've got Little Rock, and the 1-5 Willies look like a prime target. Is there any hope for Birmingham to bounce back against Chicago? More likely, the champs will be stuck at 2-5. But the truth will come out in another matchup - L.A. (4-2) vs. Milwaukee (5-1). Is one a contender? Is the other a pretender? We'll find out!

Chicago/Birmingham on ESPN2
L.A. / MW on FOX

Swaggs

08-05-2003, 07:45 PM

Hope Rajah does not go pro next season... :(

Marmel

08-05-2003, 07:56 PM

Big game next week for LA, but we still feel we are a year or two away. Nice strides this year anyway, and I kicked the crap out of shorty. :D

DolphinFan1

08-05-2003, 09:05 PM

5-1 our most wins ever in a season.

sachmo71

08-05-2003, 10:11 PM

Bah. Stupid bumpercars. :D

JeeberD

08-05-2003, 10:40 PM

Blah, an uninspired loss. I think my boys were looking ahead to the game next week. We can't wait to get a shot at Little Rock...

Swaggs

08-05-2003, 10:42 PM

Originally posted by JeeberD
Blah, an uninspired loss. I think my boys were looking ahead to the game next week. We can't wait to get a shot at Little Rock...

Bulletin Board material.

The Afoci

08-06-2003, 08:06 AM

Victory!

revrew

08-06-2003, 12:04 PM

Week 7 Results

"Coming off a huge win last week, Fargo (1-5) faced Albuquerque (5-1). And while the 'Topes were ready to dish out a whoopin', Albuqerque's weak front 6 put up very little resistance against Fargo's star HB, Glutton for Punshishment. With FB Ty Wick leading the way, little holes became huge running lanes for GfP, and the back topped 100, while recording 3 scores.

But Albuquerque found their running game in rare form today as Guy Incognito ran around OTs Groundskeeper Willie and Ralph Wiggum for a century game himself. Coupled with another big game by Moe Sizzlack and a few big plays by WR Quagmire, the 'Topes looked in good shape. When safety Troy McClure added 2 INTs to his league-leading total, Fargo's chances faded. Albuquerque wins by a pair, 35-21."

*****
"You have to pity Cincinnati (0-6) drawing San Antonio (4-2) the week following a heart-breaking, unjust loss to AQ's Capital City Goofball. The Margaritas came out of the chutes with a vengeance, determined to take it all out on the Chaps.

SA MLB Ray Lewis particularly looked pi$$ed, as he trashed the Chap offense. Ray was an unstoppable force in the middle, drowning the Cinci running game in a tide of 18 tackles. DE All Pro poured in 4.5 sacks, and the Chap offense was forcefully shut down.

Meanwhile, the San Antonio O powered behind their stellar line. Mutt and Metalhead scored thrice between them, and with the play-action open, QB Handoff King managed to toss one to WR Streak and one to WR Primetime. Add in a fumble return for a TD by rookie DE Ray O. Light, and the result is one of ZFL history's worst slaughters. San Antonio wins, 42-0. Cheer up, Cinci; it looks like that first pick is all yours. Trade well, Shorty, trade well."

*****
"El Paso (1-5) looked pretty psyched, getting ready to take another win from lowly Little Rock (1-6). The "Bash-backers", Brian Bosworth and Trev Alberts were drooling over the chance to drill the Slick Willies' Rajah Saleem.

But Rajah proved a bit slicker than the Busters expected. Furthermore, the play-action caught El Paso looking on occasion, and LR QB David Slinger managed to put together a decent game, 19-30-277-1. Rajah capped off a couple of drives with scoring plunges, and Little Rock notched up 21 points.

But El Paso took advantage of Little Rock's weakness up the middle and over the top. FB Rashaan Salaam and OG Eugene Chung provided solid blocking for HB Ki-Jana Carter to put up better than 100 and a pair of scores. Meanwhile, WR Yatil Green was able to find room deep on occasion, and QB Ryan Leaf found him for a couple of key big gainers as well as a TD. At the end of regulation, Little Rock was staring at a frightening scenario. The score was tied, 21-21. Bring on the kickers!

But Little Rock needed not be scared. Classy kicker Mr. Ed proved to be way more than a match for El Paso's Ed Bunn in a heated Foosball match. 10 minutes or the first to 10 goals was declared the winner, and Mr. Ed reached 10 goals in only 6 trips around the stopwatch. After a heated battle on the gridiron, the overtime was over quickly, Little Rock gets the win, 24-21."

*****
"Oops! Rumors leaked out that there were 3 upsets this week, and we only have three games left to recap. Since nary a game yet has been an upset...

We begin in Birmingham, where the champs sit at a woeful 2-4. With the mighty Eagles (5-1) in town, the Olympians would have to put together their best game of the season to score a win.

For QB Zues Reloaded and WR Revrew, the best game of the season is exactly what they had in mind. Birmingham stunned Chicago with a quick dose of "west-coast" style offense, slanting and timing patterns zipping all over the field. 'ZR' found his favorite target 13 times in the ballgame, and Revrew notched up 150+ and a score. The passing attack left the running game free to pop some punches, too, and Birmingham was looking good, scoring 21 against Chicago's tough D.

But Chicago found just enough room in the middle as BH MLB Troy played a poor game, missing several tackles, which eventually led to Chicago's Randy Steele grinding in a pair of scores. In the fourth quarter, trailing by a score, CH QB Mike 'Air' Marino aired it out deep to favorite target, WR Jet, and the game was tied. The gun sounded, the score was knotted...bring on the kickers!

Chicago's Little Foot was up against a tough opponent today as LeBron James was still stinging after the thrashing he got last week against Fargo's XSquared. You've never seen a man play Whack-a-mole so furiously as LeBron James did today, outscoring Little Foot 102 moles to 35 in the span of only 8 minutes. Birmingham reclaims quite a bit of dignity by taking it to Chicago, getting the win, 24-21."

*****
"FOX hailed the L.A. (4-2) vs. Milwaukee (5-1) matchup as the battle between two of the league's best linebackers, L.A.'s Brad Pitt and Milwuakee's Superman. The billing was right on.

Neither team showed any ability to run the ball today, as the two backers filled every gap their already solid D-lines left open. Even Milwaukee's unstoppable FB Bulldozer discovered the fury of L.A.'s "Pitt-Bull", getting stopped for only 38 yards on the day.

With MW OLB Superman and DE Rocky shutting down the outside lanes, L.A. HB Jerry Seinfeld found none of the room he's been enjoying for much of this year.

At the end of the first half, the score was tied, 0-0. In the third quarter, each team managed a TD, one for L.A. WR Joe Pesci, and one for MW HB Ricky Williams.

In the fourth, the game in question was eventually decided when MW HB Ricky 'The Answer' Williams took a powerful blow from L.A. DE Robert DeNiro, and MLB Brad Pitt scooped up the fumble. The return went 37 yards to the endzone, and L.A. comes away with the win, 14-7."

*****
"Knoxville (6-0) came out as expected, burning and trashing the Portland (2-4) defense. Thumbless put up big numbers, as did WR JJ, and rookie HB Leon Jackson continued to shine. 35 points for Knoxville ought to put away the Sea Biscuits, right? Don't count on it.

Portland looked equally unstoppable tonight as O-linemen Erik Flamebeard, Lothar von Richthofen, Leonardo Ruiz Al Elvaro, and Tim the Troll completely dominated the line of scrimmage. HB Antonio de La Tonio averaged 4.4 per carry and QB Paddy O'Leary looked a model of efficiency. In fact, 'Paddy O' went toe-to-toe with 'Thumbless' and came out none the worse for wear. WRs Manfred von Richthofen and Khan Ogadai caught 13 and 11 passes, respectively, for 161 and 121 yards, respectively, and totalled 3 TDs.

Every score Knoxville put on the board Portland answered. At the gun, the score was 35-35. Bring on the kickers!

Knoxville's Eli Manning looked like the favorite against Portland's Vladimir von Vladimir...until the referees brought out the electric football set. Each kicker was given two possessions, and at the end, the team with the most points or yards gained would be declared the winner. After a thrilling game of gridiron action, the outcome would be decided on a tiny buzzing board. The cameras zoomed in to watch each player adjust his plastic figurines. Who could even remember how this game worked?? Aparently technology is a bit behind where Vladimir von Vladimir is from, for on 2nd and 7 from his own 33, Vlad connected on a screen pass that his halfback took all the way to the house! Vlad wins, 7-0, and that means Portland wins, 38-35!"

*****
Commish's recap
"If Knoxville could have knocked off Portland, and if Albuquerque's Capital City Goofball weren't so confoundingly lucky, the Rednecks would have been squarely in the driver's seat. But as it is, Portland's exemplary effort made a game of everything again!

The standings reflect:
Knoxville 6-1
Albuquerque 6-1
L.A. 5-2
Milwaukee 5-2
San Antonio 5-2
Chicago 5-2

Can you believe this horse race?? And if Knoxville can lose to Portland (and Albuquerque, it seems, can lose as long as the game doesn't go overtime), then this is still anybody's title. Can Milwaukee and San Antonio stay strong without a serious passing attack? Will L.A.s relentless "Pitt-Bull" ever let up? Will Chicago, with perhaps the most balanced attack of any of the top 6, propel themselves to glory again? Or will Moe Sizzlack and Thumbless Jackson decide it all? And when these teams start colliding with each other, can Birmingham or Portland sneak up and hurt someone? Apparently, they already have.

Next week, ALL TOP SIX TEAMS PLAY EACH OTHER! SA vs. MW, CH vs. AQ on the duece, and KX vs. LA on FOX. We'll know a heckuva lot more next week. Until then..."

JAG

08-06-2003, 12:13 PM

I guess kickers are starting to get some love considering that many of the teams are close to each other talent-wise.

JeeberD

08-06-2003, 12:23 PM

BAH! I knew I should have taken that kicker in the consolation draft.... :mad:

digamma

08-06-2003, 12:24 PM

Damn those Rook cards.

Looking forward to getting back on track against LA.

Go Necks.

Coffee Warlord

08-06-2003, 12:31 PM

Website's updated, sorry I got way behind on it.

Swaggs

08-06-2003, 12:36 PM

Mr. Ed rules.

tucker342

08-06-2003, 01:08 PM

There we go! That's more like it!

sachmo71

08-06-2003, 02:01 PM

Whooo. I'm trading anyone on my team for a QB.

Coffee Warlord

08-06-2003, 02:26 PM

I'll trade you Paddy O'Leary in exchange for your entire squad. :)

Marmel

08-06-2003, 02:40 PM

Originally posted by digamma
Damn those Rook cards.

Looking forward to getting back on track against LA.

Go Necks.

This is not your Grandfather's LA Stars team, baby. We are coming out full steam next week, looking to win, hoping for an upset elsewhere and claiming a tie for the league lead!

Coffee Warlord

08-06-2003, 02:54 PM

I'm telling you, Portland is 1 piece away from total domination!

Okay, maybe 3 pieces. But still! Total domination!

korme

08-06-2003, 03:19 PM

digamma

08-06-2003, 03:42 PM

Originally posted by Marmel
This is not your Grandfather's LA Stars team, baby. We are coming out full steam next week, looking to win, hoping for an upset elsewhere and claiming a tie for the league lead!

Oh, I know. Should be a classic match-up. My good O against your good D, and your bad O against my bad D.

DolphinFan1

08-06-2003, 04:10 PM

I can't believe we lost to LA. We were just on the cusp of greatness. Great game Marmel.

revrew

08-07-2003, 08:57 AM

Why all the bad love for L.A.? League MVP Brad Pitt has just pulled the Stars into first place...

Week 8 results

"With all the hoopla this week as top teams duked it out, let's get the other 3 games out of the way. We begin in frigid Fargo where the Crawfish (2-5) got their shot at whipping boy Cinci (0-7).

The game, however, turned out to be quite competitive. Cinci opened the scoring as HB Bubs ran off tackle The King of Town for a 19-yard TD sprint.

Fargo tied it up as HB Glutton for Punishment dove in for Fargo's first seven. With FB Ty Wick and OG Matt punching holes in the middle and OTs Stud and Harold 'Slim' Stockwell pushing lanes outside, Glutton notched up yet another century game in what is turning out to be a great year.

In the third, Cinci FB Pom Pom punched in a short TD behind OG Stinkoman to tie it at 14, but Fargo cruised the rest of the way out. Glutton scored his third TD of the day, and QB Killer hit FB Ty Wick in the flat for a passing TD. Fargo gets the win, 28-14."

*****
"Fresh off beating Knoxville, would Portland (3-4) take it easy against Little Rock (2-5)? I don't think so, kemosabe.

Portland's offense annihilated the Slick Willies on the line, and the game was over by halftime. 'Paddy O', making his bid for offensive ROY, shot out TD strikes, 2 to WR Manfred von Richthofen and one to WR Khan Ogadai before the halftime whistle. Antonio punched in a TD as well, and leading 28-0, Portland cruised to the finish. Reserve HB Ron Dayne came in for a couple more TDs, and the Sea Biscuits launched 42 points.

Little can be said for Little Rock's effort in this one. HB Rajah Saleem struggled inside, but off tackles Renaldo Buckler and Keith 'Slap' Slapinski, 'The Rajah Rocket' managed to find the endzone twice. Portland wins, 42-14."

*****
"Could surprising El Paso (1-6) pull the ultimate upset by knocking off the defending champions? Would stumbling Birmingham (3-4) bumble it?

Not today. Teams seem to have figured out how to neutralize El Paso's "Bash Backers" -- by mixing up the offensive playcalling and capitalizing on the Busters' other weaknesses. Birmingham pulled every trick out of the book today, scoring on a HB Artemis plunge, an Artemis to WR Apollo flee-flicker, a 'ZR' pass to WR Revrew, and a Revrew reverse.

Meanwhile, BH DE's Atlantis and Another Atlantis abused EP OTs Tony Mandarich and Gustav Gustavson to the tune of 6 sacks. EP QB Ryan Leaf spent more time looking at the lights than looking at the endzone today, as the Olympians obliterated the passing game.

Only a 2nd quarter dive by EP FB Rashaan Salaam prevented the goose egg as Birmingham wins, 28-7."

*****
"Now for the big time excitement: Let's start in San Antonio where the 5-2 Margaritas faced the 5-2 Milwaukee Muscle Men. These two teams have dominated other squads by pounding the run and playing tough D, especially against the pass. And with San Antonio's MLB Ray Lewis and Milwaukee's OLB Superman patrolling the line, big hits were bound to happen.

San Antonio's FB Metalhead collided with Superman often, but MW MLB Zach 'Clog the Middle' Thomas had no problem wrapping up the trailing HB, Mutt. San Antonio struggled to get it going on the ground.

Meanwhile, Milwaukee's pro set wasn't managing well against the Margaritas, who have DT Sack U and DE All Pro pushing into the backfield from every direction.

Leading into the fourth, San Antonio took advantage of some big pass plays to WR Primetime, and managed 14 points. Milwaukee took advantage of a Superman INT and equalled the 14. With little time left on the clock, Milwuakee was driving for the score. But when QB Bullseye got blindsided by SA DE All Pro, a blitzing safety Godzilla Blitz picked up the fumble. GB managed to put the ball in striking distance before being pulled down by MW HB Ricky Williams. As time expired, deflated Muscle Men fans watched Margarita HB Mutt dive over OG Lone Star for the winning score. San Antonio moves up on the leaderboard, winning 21-14."

*****
"Fans who tuned into the deuce got to watch Chicago (5-2) rip into Albuquerque (6-1) like starved dogs into fresh meat.

AQ had no answer to CH OG Tom Sanders pulling left and right as HB Randy Steele swept around the corner for several big gains. Randy poured it on for 119 yards and 2 scores on the day. FB Josh Hackenstein also knocked in a score. With the running game so wide open, the play action was there, and CH QB Mike Marino flamed for 300 yards and a pair himself.

The AQ running game had been nonexistent all day as Chicago's MLB Zach Urlacher and DE Jason Pepper bottled things up inside and out. Trailing 28-7 at the half, you would think the Isotopes were done-for.

But in the second, Moe Sizzlack made yet another bid for ZFL MVP, taking to the skies and roasting the formerly formidable Chicago secondary. AQ ran a total of 2 running plays in the second half as the Isotopes stormed back!

With seconds on the clock and trailing 35-28, AQ's Sizzlack had only 38 yards to go for his 5th passing TD on the day and a tie. But Chicago's DT Marshall Williams came charging up the middle, forcing Sizzlack to scramble. Right into the arms of CH OLB Ray Brown. Without a timeout to give, the sack ate up Albuquerque's clock, and the Isotopes drop back into the pack by losing to Chicago, 35-28."

*****
"FOX fans sat back and prepared to watch the mighty Redneck (6-1) offensive attack rip (5-2) L.A.'s Star Crunch apart. Signs all over Redneck stadium read "JJ rox on Fox!" (no one knows for sure if the mispelling was purposeful or not. Redneck fans, y'know. Not sure if they can spell words longer than 3 letters.) Other signs read, "JJ is the Man!" (Notice, no more than 3 letter again.)

But Knoxville fans got a taste of a different kind of medicine as L.A.'s "Pitt-bull" made a serious statement about the state of football in California. On the third play of the game, facing 3rd and 8, KX QB 'Thumbless' Jackson almost became 'Headless' Jackson as LA MLB Brad Pitt streaked in past OT Guvna Jeffrey Jackson and plastered the QB with a hit so loud the Knoxville stadium went dead silent. 'Thumbless' had to be helped off the field. He would return later, but KX kicker Eli Manning would play the next series for the Rednecks. In the second quarter, rookie HB Leon Jackson sprinted through the middle off OG Lee Davis Jackson, only to get upended and thrown down like a ragdoll by the "Pitt-Bull". Leon would not return to the game, and veteran Robby 'Action' Jackson would finish at tailback for the Rednecks. Stunned by the ferocity of the maniac in the middle, Knoxville's offense sputtered all day.

But not so for L.A. Anticipating a need to play catch-up, the Stars planned a quick-striking game plan, running off stud tackles Freddie Prinze Jr and Matthew McConaughey. HB Jerry Seinfeld finished with a decent day, carrying the ball for 85 yards and a score. But the Stars also planned an aerial assault, and QB Bernie Mac enjoyed excellent protection. 281 yards and 2 TDs later, Bernie Mac was looking up at the scoreboard at an incredible sight. It read L.A. 21; KX. 7. And the clock read 0:00:00. Grabbing a share of first place, LA wins, 21-7."

*****
Commish's recap

"We havin' fun yet? Whooo-wee! With only 3 weeks left to play, we have noooo idea who the favorite is to win this thing!

Check it out:
LA: 6-2
KX: 6-2
AQ: 6-2
CH: 6-2
SA: 6-2

And if this kind of tie continues, the championship goes to the team with the fewest points against. Does this mean Marmel gets the gold?? Does this mean leading MVP candidate, a defensive player, MLB Brad Pitt takes his team to the trophy?

And what about MW, PT, and BH who all sit at .500 or better? Can they yet make some noise?

Next week watch as L.A. plays S.A. and the two expansion teams collide for the first time. And on television, we make the flagship! ESPN will carry KX vs. BH, the deuce will feature the expansion club showdown, and FOX is picking up LA/SA. What a night for television!"

Coffee Warlord

08-07-2003, 09:09 AM

Hmm. If I can knock off San Antonio and L.A, after we mangle Fargo next week...*gasp*. We still have a longshot chance.

sachmo71

08-07-2003, 09:28 AM

Hooray for Mutt getting the winning score!

Marmel

08-07-2003, 09:40 AM

Woot!

And rev questioned my defensive picks a few years back when I clearly needed offensive help. ;)

digamma

08-07-2003, 11:05 AM

Congrats Marmel. I need to win out and get some help now...

NevStar

08-07-2003, 12:55 PM

Capital City Goofball for MVP.

Marmel

08-07-2003, 01:01 PM

FYI...

Brad Pitt is only 24 years old. :D

tucker342

08-07-2003, 01:03 PM

Great win Marmel! Who would've thought that LA would be playing to well!

tucker342

08-07-2003, 01:04 PM

dola-

maybe it's time to set up playoffs....

Marmel

08-07-2003, 01:09 PM

Thanks for the compliments guys. Great game digamma.

JAG

08-07-2003, 01:21 PM

Good call tucker, that might be fun to have a ZFL bowl or some such.

My money is on Marmel to win it all this year, he's on a roll.

JeeberD

08-07-2003, 01:44 PM

Oh oh, the clash of the titans next week. El Paso vs Cinci....

Let's go Busters!!!

The Afoci

08-07-2003, 01:52 PM

3 game win streak! Watch out league, here we come!

MIJB#19

08-07-2003, 02:42 PM

talking of competiveness...
If only real sports leagues would have these standings at 2/3rd of the season...

DolphinFan1

08-07-2003, 03:48 PM

Sigh*** We lost another close one.

korme

08-08-2003, 04:11 AM

Originally posted by JeeberD
Oh oh, the clash of the titans next week. El Paso vs Cinci....

Let's go Busters!!!

This won't be the game it should be. 49-7, Cinci.

hahahahahahaha

funny guy

MIJB#19

08-08-2003, 04:44 AM

Originally posted by Shorty3281
This won't be the game it should be. 49-7, Cinci.
Shorty, it's C-I-N-C-I-N-N-A-T-I.
Not that Cinci crap you're posting...

revrew

08-08-2003, 09:34 AM

You just about got the score right, Shorty. But I think you put your money on the wrong horse.

revrew

08-08-2003, 09:37 AM

Oh, hey! When you talked about a ZFL bowl, did you mean like an All-Star bowl at the end??

Hmmmm, we could do that. I'd just transfer the players' values over into the formula....and we'd have a real game!

Let's see, though. How to divide the League into two leagues. Arbitrarily? Regionally? By GM member number? GM alphabetically?

Eric Flamebeard and Tom Sanders on the same line, blocking for Rajah Saleem? Ooooooh, deadly. Of course, with the "Pitt-Bull" and Superman in the linebacking corps....

JeeberD

08-08-2003, 09:50 AM

Originally posted by revrew
You just about got the score right, Shorty. But I think you put your money on the wrong horse.

I like the sound of that! :D

Yeah, a ZFL All-Star game sounds great! Too bad I wouldn't have anybody in it for a few years, but it's a wonderful idea...

NevStar

08-08-2003, 10:10 AM

One of these seasons we'll finally beat Chicago..

illinifan999

08-08-2003, 10:27 AM

One of these seasons my players won't age... ;)

Coffee Warlord

08-08-2003, 10:43 AM

Bah. All you need is the entirety of Portland's O-Line for your All-Star line. :)

illinifan999

08-08-2003, 10:46 AM

Except that Tom Sanders is better than your whole O-Line combined. :)

Coffee Warlord

08-08-2003, 10:47 AM

And here's how our little AllPro game could theoretically look. :)

(hey, I've got about an hour to kill before my train supposedly arrives)

ZFL East
---
Chicago
Knoxville
Milwaukee
Birmingham
Cincinnati
Little Rock

ZFL West
---
Los Angeles
Portland
El Paso
San Antonio
Alburqurque
Fargo

Coffee Warlord

08-08-2003, 10:49 AM

Originally posted by illinifan999
Except that Tom Sanders is better than your whole O-Line combined. :)

Erik is not pleased with your hating of Erik.

Nor is Lothar von Richthofen, nor Leonardo Ruiz Al Elvaro, nor Tim the Troll. You do not dare question The Wall Of Illegal Aliens.

illinifan999

08-08-2003, 10:50 AM

Originally posted by Coffee Warlord
You do not dare question The Wall Of Illegal Aliens.

Not just question, but openly disgrace the Wall of Illegal Suckers......i mean Aliens.

JAG

08-08-2003, 12:03 PM

Originally posted by revrew
Oh, hey! When you talked about a ZFL bowl, did you mean like an All-Star bowl at the end??

Hmmmm, we could do that. I'd just transfer the players' values over into the formula....and we'd have a real game!

Let's see, though. How to divide the League into two leagues. Arbitrarily? Regionally? By GM member number? GM alphabetically?

Eric Flamebeard and Tom Sanders on the same line, blocking for Rajah Saleem? Ooooooh, deadly. Of course, with the "Pitt-Bull" and Superman in the linebacking corps....

Not what I meant, but that sounds fun too. :)

I meant more of a 'Super Bowl' like game. After the excitement this season, it seems like you could make a good pitch for ESPN to carry the title game each year. If you use CW's divisions, you could just pit division winners against each other, or maybe take the top 4 teams, seed em, and do two rounds, 1 vs. 4 and 2 vs. 3 followed by winners. Just an idea.

Marmel

08-08-2003, 12:24 PM

rev said that the outcomes of the playoffs games would be identical to the regular season games, so there would be no point in running a playoff.

*shurg*

JAG

08-08-2003, 12:50 PM

Oh, I thought there was some randomness involved. My bad.

korme

08-08-2003, 01:27 PM

Originally posted by MIJB#19
Shorty, it's C-I-N-C-I-N-N-A-T-I.
Not that Cinci crap you're posting...

thanks Mat :)

revrew

08-08-2003, 08:56 PM

Week 9 results

"Our week's closest game pitted the 5-3 Milwaukee Muscle Men against the 6-2 Albuquerque Isotopes. Could Albuquerque stay in the hunt with a tough win, or would Milwaukee succeed in crawling back in the race?

Looking at the two teams, one would expect Milwaukee to try to grind it out on the ground, while AQ would need some big pass plays. As it turned out, each team got what they wanted.

Milwaukee dominated the game clock with solid running, especially with all-star FB Bulldozer. Albuquerque's linebackers were no match for the 'Dozer, who topped 100 yards and plowed in 2 TDs. HB Ricky Williams also knocked in a score by following OG Goliath on a sweep around rookie OT No Sacks Allowed.

But not even last year's defensive Rookie of the Year, MW CB He's Not JeeberD, could shut off the AQ air attack. AQ QB Moe Sizzlack, protected well by OTs Groundskeeper Willie and Ralph Wiggum, pinpointed the ball to WR The Cheat for 102 and 2, and also found rookie Quagmire for 1. At the end of regulation, 21-21. Bring on the kickers!

Now, and interesting dilemma. Albuqeurque's Capital City Goofball has stunned the league with 3 overtime wins already. He's as lucky as the Queen of Hearts. But Milwaukee's Bruce 'I'll kick your butt' Handily is widely considered the best kicker in the league. Would the Goof pull off another upset?

The answer would be decided as each contestant was given 10 watermelons. Yes, watermelons. But not for eating. Not for seed-spitting. Have you ever noticed how a watermelon is kind of football-shaped? Each kicker was given 10 watermelons to throw, taking turns, toward a wooden cutout of a wide receiver, 10 yards away. The kicker with the most juice-splattering hits on the receiver won the game. Meanwhile, the ushers at Albuquerque's BBQ stadium passed out free slices of the watermelon to the fans as they watched on.

Each kicker struggled with the first 3 throws, attempting to understand the aerodynamics of a flying watermelon. But Bruce Handily figured it out by the 4th throw, and splattered his receiver 5 times, while CCG only recorded 2 hits. Somebody's luck has run out! Milwaukee wins, 24-21. On a side note, having already secured the win, Handily took his tenth watermelon and managed to heave it 20 yards deep into the crowd. A burly father of 5 broke the flying fruit in the air, and his children gladly disposed of the fragments.

Meanwhile, it appears the El Paso Busters have contacted the fruit-busting father about filling their roster as a kicker next season."

*****
"When Little Rock (1-7) visited Chicago (6-2), they got a chilly reception. The Eagles broke the game wide open early.

Little Rock's linebacking crew was mowed to the ground by FB Josh Hackenstein and sweeping OG Tom Sanders, leaving HB Randy Steele to put up his biggest game yet. 227 yards and 3 TDs for Steele pushes him into a strong second place for the rushing title (behind LR HB Rajah Saleem).

Mike 'Air' Marino took full advantage of the situation, pulling out better than 300 yards and 3 TDs himself.

The Eagle defense, however, having already secured a big lead, played a lackluster game. LR HB Rajah Saleem managed to streak into the secondary, where 37-year-old vet safety Ajimba Haad proved too slow to keep up. Saleem scored twice, as did WR Bruce Spinner on a 13-yard fade from QB David Slinger. Chicago gives up 21 points--something they can ill-afford to do if there's a three-way (or more) tie at the end of the season. But they get the win, CH 49-21."

*****
"At 4-4, Portland is still scratching for a .500 season, and to get it they needed a win against Fargo (2-6).

The Portland offense answered the call. Behind a dominating offensive line, the Sea Biscuits scored early and often. Fargo put up little resistance as Antonio topped 100 with 3 scores and Paddy O topped 300 with 3 of his own.

Indeed, it would have been a worse bloodbath if it weren't for the effective time-eating running by Fargo HB Glutton for Punishment. One-two punching with FB Ty Wick, Fargo's ground game ate up the clock and managed 3 scores. Unfortunately for the 'Fish, the passing game couldn't kick it into gear, and Portland wins, 42-21."

*****
"The Deuce gave some TV exposure to the league's two newcomers, the 1-7 El Paso Busters vs. the 0-8 Cincinnati Chaps.

Okay, the records aren't so great. But hey, they're expansion teams! Give 'em a chance.

Unfortunately for Cinci, El Paso had no intent of giving the Chaps a chance. EP FB Rashaan Salaam looked like he had a personal vendetta against CN MLB Homeschool Winner, knocking the 'backer on to his behind enough to make a permanent dent down the middle of the El Paso field. Behind such blocking, HB Ki-Jana Carter had an impressive day, topping the century mark and plunging to paydirt twice.

And speaking of Vendettas, EP DE Aundray Bruce appeared plenty ticked at CN QB James Earl Jones, and CN OT The Yellow Dellow looked helpless to stop him. Bruce recorded 4 sacks on the day, two that ended in fumbles.

The Chaps runners, Bubs and Pom Pom also had their share of the 'dropsies' today, dropping the rock thrice as they were crushed by the Busters' "bash backers" Brian Bosworth and Trev Alberts.

Add in an EP safety Patrick Bates INT that went back for a TD, and the final score got ugly. El Paso, 35-7.

It seems the verdict on this year's expansion is that El Paso is ready to play, possibly even compete shortly. For Cinci, adding quality depth, especially on the defense, and maybe a playmaker in the passing game will be needed before the Chaps can overcome mistake-ridden football.

*****
"ESPN, meanwhile, carried this year's favorite, the Knoxville Rednecks (6-2) vs. the resurgent champs of last year, the Birmingham Olympians (4-4). Given Birmingham's schedule, a win here could not only save face, but almost ensure a .500 season. But a Redneck win would likely set up a championship game in week 11 vs. Chicago.

Fans who tuned it got a glimpse of what may have been the most heated and closely contested game of the season. For Birmingham, the name of the game was clock-control. Even Birmingham's solid defense can't keep Knoxville down indefinitely, so they needed to add up the first downs. And they did.

BH Guards Dionysus and Another Troy pulled frequently to get HB Artemis away from Knoxville's solid DTs (Josiah and Uncle Jesse Jackson). Meanwhile, QB 'ZR' fired the ball to the middle, keeping the Knoxville LBs honest. Birmingham resembled the champs of last year.

But Knoxville's offense was feisty as usual. ROY candidate Leon Jackson, led by a fiercesome blocking trio, FB Samuel, OG Fort Sumter, and OG Lee Davis Jackson, drove and cutback through the middle. Though BH boasts perhaps the best D-line in football, Knoxville's hogs gave Leon room to run.

But Knoxville's OTs Guvna Jeffrey and Thomas Jefferson Jackson looked whipped as BH DEs Atlantis and Another Atlantis showed flashes of the brilliance that propelled them to a championship season last year. KX QB 'Thumbless' Jackson was greatly hampered by constant harrassment and 5 sacks. The passing game slowed down a bit too much for Knoxville, and with the game on the line, trailing by 7 with only minutes left, a hurried 'Thumbless' tossed an INT to BH safety Odysseus, thus ending Knoxville's chances. The champs come roaring back! BH 28-21."

*****
"FOX carried a star matchup as well, as the LA Stars (6-2) took on the San Antonio Margaritas (6-2). The winning team would join Chicago atop the leaderboard, the loser would fall back into the pack.

I could go into a long story about this game, but the summary would say it all: "Slayed by the Star Crunch and their pet Pitt-Bull." L.A.'s offense had a miserable day, only knocking in a single rushing touchdown. 7 is all L.A. could muster. But then, it's all they would need.

L.A. Safety Ray Liotta and CB Paul Sorvino took SA QB Handoff King out of the picture early. 5 INTs today for the Margarita dudslinger. Of course, getting harrassed by DEs Toby McGwire and Robert DeNiro didn't help. OLB The Real Gus even got into the act, recording a pair of sacks. But of course, the highlight films picked up on MLB Brad Pitt, snarling and throwing San Antonio's M&M boys around like, well, like a Pitt-Bull with the morning newspaper.

Any criticism of L.A. and the Star Crunch is now yesterday's news; the Stars are tied for the best record after winning today, 7-0."

*****
Commish's recap
"The championship picture is beginning to get clearer, though not much. Check the standings:

Chicago: 7-2
L.A: 7-2
S.A: 6-3
KX: 6-3
AQ: 6-3
MW: 6-3

With only two weeks left, we turn to the schedule. Between our two leaders, L.A. has the easier opponents (facing Portland and El Paso). Chicago, however, has Milwaukee and Knoxville. Among the top six, Albuquerque has the easiest schedule, facing both of the expansion clubs.

Yet here's the story: If Chicago wins out, they hold the tie-breaker against L.A.. Chicago will be the champ and the first ZFL two-time champion.

If, however, Chicago loses in either week, L.A. will be our likely champ, since even with a loss, L.A. will hold the tie-breaker in any 3-way tie.

But even that is not quite concrete. If L.A. loses twice, or if only 2 teams finish with an 8-3 record, L.A. could lose out on the trophy. After all, Albuquerque will almost certainly finish 8-3, and in a two-way tie, thanks to Capital City Goofball, AQ does hold the tie-breaker against L.A.

We shall see, shan't we?"

digamma

08-08-2003, 09:01 PM

Oh man. What in the Jackson is going on in Knoxville?

Marmel

08-08-2003, 10:59 PM

Stunning. I have to root for Chicago to lose, although I have this funny feeling my team is going to chike it away in one fo the last two games.

DolphinFan1

08-09-2003, 09:35 AM

Bruce "I'll Kick Your Butt" Handily is undefeated as a kicker.

Revrew, Could you start all of Milwaukee's games from overtime? We would be undefeated and league champs.

JeeberD

08-09-2003, 01:33 PM

Two wins!!!

revrew

08-11-2003, 11:44 AM

Digamma - I'm as confused as you are. I can't believe how much other team's offenses have caught up with you. This is not how I predicted Knoxville's season going.

Marmel, you're looking good right now. Chicago's got it tough. But with their new, pumped up offense...

JeeberD - Don't be so sure you won't have anyone in the ProBowl. The ballot is up!

Dolphin - Yeah, Bruce rocks. But no, you gotta play all 4 quarters, man.

illinifan999

08-11-2003, 12:33 PM

Originally posted by revrew
Digamma - I'm as confused as you are. I can't believe how much other team's offenses have caught up with you. This is not how I predicted Knoxville's season going.

Marmel, you're looking good right now. Chicago's got it tough. But with their new, pumped up offense...

JeeberD - Don't be so sure you won't have anyone in the ProBowl. The ballot is up!

Dolphin - Yeah, Bruce rocks. But no, you gotta play all 4 quarters, man.

JUST FINISH THE DAMN SEASON! ;)

DolphinFan1

08-11-2003, 03:24 PM

Originally posted by revrew

Dolphin - Yeah, Bruce rocks. But no, you gotta play all 4 quarters, man.

I tried.

revrew

08-11-2003, 04:38 PM

Originally posted by illinifan999
JUST FINISH THE DAMN SEASON! ;)

I'm trying, but I keep getting kicked out! I never know if a post is going to go through or not. Hmmmm.

revrew

08-11-2003, 05:44 PM

Week 10 Results

"Albuquerque (6-3) needed a win over the expansion Busters (2-7) to stay in the hunt.

But the 'Topes weren't going to win on the ground. HB Guy Incognito is used to getting some running room around OT Ralph Wiggum, but with El Paso's DE Aundray Bruce and OLB Trev Alberts on the job...not gonna happen. Incognito got little done today, thanks in part to miserable blocking by FB Professor Frink. El Paso's MLB and DROY candidate, Brian Bosworth shed Frink like last Christmas's fruitcake and bottled up the AQ running game.

But El Paso's CB Bruce Pickens proved easy pickin's for AQ QB Moe Sizzlack, as the Sizzler found vet WR The Cheat for 188 and 3. AQ Safety Troy McClure ran an INT back for a TD as well, giving the Isotopes 4 scores in the air.

El Paso's air attack, meanwhile suffered. The only bright spot on the day was the continued outstanding play from young FB, Rashaan Salaam. Salami got a couple of scores, to make the final respectable. AQ wins easy, 28-14."

*****
"Birmingham (5-4) has won 3 in a row, and looking to make it 4 against the Cincinnati Chaps (0-9). The Chaps are looking to salvage some dignity, but alas, it appears that may have to wait until next season.

The Chaps got some decent blocking from OG Stinkoman and OT The King of Town, allowing HB Bubs to knock one in. But the CN passing game couldn't ward off BH DE Another Atlantis or DT Hera, who combined for 5 sacks.

Meanwhile, the Olympians played another efficient game, dominating the clock by varying Artemis runs with Zeus Reloaded passing. Artemis totalled 124 and 2, while WR Revrew notched 101 and 2.

In the end, it wall all Birmingham, who is slowly coming back to have a decent season, BH 35-7."

*****
"Knoxville (6-3) is also trying desperately to stay in title contension, and it was no trouble today against frustrated Fargo (2-7). This was a game all over by halftime.

Knoxville's powerful guards Fort Sumter and Lee Davis Jackson doubled up on Fargos intimidating DT, The Defense, and Samuel 'The South Will Rise Again' Jackson, had no trouble taking out the other DT, hapless Waste of a Jersey. The result was a big day for the speedy, shifty HB Leon Jackson. The almost certain OROY added 3 more TDs to his total while 'Thumbless' tossed 3 to WRs Luke and Jackson Jackson.

Trailing 35-7 at the half, Fargo looked to abandon hope of catching up and sought instead to run out the clock. HB Glutton for Punishment, however, had no intention of rolling over. Unless, of course, you mean rolling over the Knoxville defense. Following his best buddy, FB Ty Wick, Glutton ran for 143 yards in the second half alone, and accumulated 3 TDs. But not even Glutton's inspired performance could make the day turn out well for Fargo, who loses 42-28."

*****
"Little Rock sits at 2-7, having beaten only the two expansion clubs. But like Fargo, Little Rock may be in danger of finishing behind the surprising El Paso Busters if they don't pick up a win. Against San Antonio (6-3), a win wasn't likely.

San Antonio's offensive line simply proved too much for Little Rock's uninspiring D. The M&M brothers know what 2+2 equalls, totalling 4 TDs between them. And WR Primetime got yet another touchdown to go with his 100 yards on the day.

For Little Rock, the usually explosive Rajah Saleem was held in check today by MLB Ray Lewis, who refused to be shaken. 'Rajah has been so elusive this season,' said Lewis, 'watching gamefilm was just like watching bad players make bad mistakes. I decided instead to watch some old films of teams that bottled up Barry Sanders. I learned from what they did right and applied it to tackling Saleem.' The strategy worked as Rajah was held to under 100 and only managed one score.

San Antonio pounds Little Rock, 35-7."

*****
"(5-4) Portland's OG Erik Flamebeard almost always has a lot to say to opponents. But after wrestling with (7-2) L.A. Star DT Ed "Ageless wonder" Norton all day and seeing "The Pitt-Bull" up close and personal, Flamebeard didn't say anything but four-letter words.

Portland came in riding a 3-game winning streak and L.A. came in needing a win to stay on top. The battle in the trenches was ferocious. Both teams sought to establish ground dominance, but PTs DTs Colonel Joseph and Captain Bipto took the bite out of L.A.'s upfront push, and L.A. MLB Brad Pitt didn't give HB Antonio De La Tonio anywhere to run.

Portland put some good numbers up in the air, but L.A. DE Toby McGwire sacked PT back, and safety Ray Liotta took a couple back, and the Sea Biscuits struggled to crack the scoreboard.

L.A.'s Jerry Seinfeld got a TD by running of OT Freddie Prinze, Jr. in the third, but after the dust settled, that's all that would be needed. PT got close several times, but the Star Crunch held fast, pitching the shutout as L.A. wins, 7-0."

*****
"The battle of Lake Michigan had extra implications today as Milwaukee (6-3) needed a win to stay in the hunt and Chicago (7-2) needed a win to keep up with L.A. for the crown.

Both teams showed why they are among league-leaders in rushing. The opposing defenses were tough, but not as tough as CH HB Randy Steele or MW FB Bulldozer.

With the running games fully functional (each squad got 3 on the ground), the only difference would be in the passing game. In the fourth quarter, a WR finally broke the plane as Eagle wideout Jet caught a 7-yard out and danced the sideline to punch it in. That TD would prove the difference as Chicago moves to within one game of their second title, winning, 28-21."

*****
Commish's recap
"No big surprises this week. But the title comes down to this:

Chicago: 8-2
L.A.: 8-2
San Antonio: 7-3
Knoxville: 7-3
Albuquerque: 7-3

Unfortunately, San Antonio, Knoxville, and Albuquerque have all been technically eliminated. Though they sit only one game behind our leaders, the best any of them can hope for is a three-way tie with Chicago and L.A. If that happens, however, they all lose the tie-breaker to L.A.

For the Eagles and Stars, however, it comes down to this: Next week, it doesn't matter whether L.A. wins or loses. That's right. Even if L.A. loses, they can still win it all with a Chicago loss.

For Chicago, it's simple. Beat Knoxville next week, and you win the whole kit and caboodle. Lose, and L.A. gets the gold.

As for draft positions, however...omigosh is there some funky possibilities. Birmhingham, who sits at 6-4, could leap ahead of some teams in the standings if all goes well. Cinci has #1 clinched, but with El Paso, Fargo, and Little Rock all tied at 2-8...

On TV next week: Only one game. ESPN is carrying Knoxville vs. Chicago on the mother station. That game and that game alone decides the champion of the 4th season of ZFL football!"

illinifan999

08-11-2003, 09:58 PM

Well we've only beaten Knoxville once, and that was when they sucked. ;) Now hopefully we can beat their high powered offense. I expect a high scoring game.

NAIWF

08-11-2003, 10:07 PM

Let's go Knoxville! I hate Chicago ;)

illinifan999

08-12-2003, 12:11 AM

Originally posted by NAIWF
Let's go Knoxville! I hate Chicago ;)

Who doesnt? http://www.force-recon.us/forum/images/smiles/icon_cry.gif All of our "fans" seem to like to buy the opposing teams apparrel more than ours........

revrew

08-12-2003, 09:48 AM

Week 11 Results:

"For Albuquerque (7-3), a win could propel them as high as third overall. Against Cincinnati (0-10), a win was likely.

While Cinci put up a good running game against AQ's woeful defense, getting three scores from Bubs and Pom Pom, the Isotopes were a ball of fire in their last game.

HB Guy Incognito got on track, and Sizzlack was hot as always. Final score in an ABB'Q, 49-21."

*****
"For Portland (5-5), the game against San Antonio (7-3) determined on which side of .500 they'd finish.

Quietly, however, San Antonio has built a solid defense, and against Portland today, it was spectacular. Not even Portland's great O-line could put the brakes on SA DE All Pro, who maligned PT QB 'Paddy O', and MLB Ray Lewis singlehandedly shut down and shut out PT HB Antonio De La Tonio. In a game that might me the Italian Stallion's last as starter, he finished with a miserable 44 yards rushing and no touchdowns.

Portland's nearly unstoppable WR Manfred von Richthofen did find the endzone once, but SA safety Godzilla Blitz and CB Deflector gave up no more.

Meanwhile, M&M found room to run around Portland's weak outside, and San Antonio knocks Portland down to a losing record by winning, SA 21-7."

*****
"The L.A. (8-2) vs El Paso (2-8) game featured little drama, but highlighted some of the league's best linebackers. In LA MLB Brad Pitt and EP MLB Brian Bosworth, the future of the ZFL looks to feature some hard-hitting action.

Against the Star Crunch, the Busters got next to nowhere. QB Ryan Leaf struggled against LA safety Ray Liotta and CB Paul Sorvino, and even solid FB Rashaan Salaam struggled against DT Ed Norton and MLB Pitt.

For L.A., the EP linebackers were troublesome, but outstanding OT Freddie Prinze, Jr. managed to keep EP DE Aundray Bruce out of the backfield, thus allowing QB Bernie Mac to play a solid contest. WR Joe Pesci caught 100 yards and a score, and HB Jerry Seinfeld added one more.

L.A. wins, 14-7."
*****
"Surprisingly, one of the days most compelling stories was Fargo (2-8) vs. Little Rock (2-8). Pride is on the line. For if Fargo loses this contest, the Crawfish would finish behind one of the expansion teams in the standings.

The game also featured what may be the 2 best runningbacks in football, LR's Rajah Saleem vs. FG's Glutton for Punishment.

Not surprising, the two backs found plenty of holes in the suspect defenses they were facing. Little Rock's Rajah Saleem got to carry the rock all day, and the result was a new ZFL season rushing record. Saleem also added 3 scores to his league-leading total. He needed 4, however, to tie Antonio De La Tonio's record for most TDs in a season.

Glutton, meanwhile, chasing Chicago's Randy Steele in the rushing race, made a strong showing, piling up 155 yards and 3 scores himself.

The winner of this game, however, would be determined on an excellent play by the youngster, 20-year-old ZFL sophomore, FG WR Tarek. Tarek caught the QB Killer pass in front of LR safety Beaumont Braxton and spun out of the tackle to sprint 22 yards for the game's only passing score. Fargo preserves its dignity with a win, 28-21."

*****
"The once downtrodden Milwaukee Muscle Men (6-4)--do you remember their winless season?--got a prime opportunity to take it to the champs, the 6-4 Birmingham Olympians. Looking at their records, you can see how this game would affect the standings.

The game today was all defense as Birmingham's outstanding DTs Hera and Maximillion Powers bottled up the fierce MW run game; and MW dynamite 'backers Superman and Zach Thomas returned the favor.

As for passing, BH safety Odysseus picked MW QB Bullseye twice, and MW DE Rocky took down BH QB Zeus Reloaded thrice. Not much offense on the day.

The winning score actually came in the third when MW HB Ricky Williams followed a bone-crushing block from FB Bulldozer for the TD. Milwaukee wins, 14-7."

*****
"Now, the game you've all been waiting for...the league's top two offenses, Knoxville vs. Chicago. Could Knoxville overpower the formerly great Eagle D to play the spoiler? Yes, they sure could. But could the surprisingly dominant Chicago offense keep pace? You betcha. With the title on the line in the last game of the season, the ZFL got its highest ratings in history on the mothership, ESPN.

The Chicago defense has played a long year, riddled by nagging injuries and performances not up to par with years past. Today, they just looked tired. As KX FB Samuel Jackson punched in two scores, the aging Chicago front six (they average about 34 yrs old as a group) seemed exhausted. And neither CH CB Deniable Cook or 37-y-old vet Ajimba Haad could keep up with KX WR 'JJ'. Jumping Jack piled up 186 yards and 2 scores.

If Chicago veterans were going to get one more ring, it wouldn't be because of the defense this time. Knoxville put up 35 points.

But then, Knoxville's defense has looked awful this year, and Chicago's offense has looked the opposite. The 'troubling trio' of OG Tom Sanders, FB Josh Hackenstein, and HB Randy Steele spearheaded an attack that the Rednecks were helpless to stop. Steele secured his spot at second in the rushing derby by piling up 144 yards and 2 scores.

Meanwhile, Eagle OTs John Tate and Poseidon kept the Rednecks off QB Mike Marino, who put up excellent numbers, 23-31-308.

The slugfest went back and forth. 4 lead changes led us to a 35-35 tie with only time for one more Chicago drive. Would the whipped KX defense be too beaten to give L.A. the championship? It appeared so. The Eagles drove down the field quickly. A Randy Steele sweep left went out of bounds with only seconds left and 15 yards to go.

At the snap, Mike Marino rolled to his right, and a moving shield of OT Poseidon, OG Tom Sanders, and FB Josh Hackenstein followed. KX OLB Bubba Jackson streaked in, but got mowed down by a Hackenstein block.

WRs Chad Spears, Jet, and HB Randy Steele launched into the secondary. Marino saw the matchup he liked...Steele vs. KX MLB Tucker Jackson. Marino throws the ball to Steele, but a few yards short of the endzone. Steele, however, turns on the jets and streaked past Tucker Jackson to the 3...
running laterally now as safety 'Nascar' Jackson is closing in...
to the 2...
we're nearing the pylon...
Steele is going to run out of room...
Steele dives forward as Tucker wraps him up...
'Nascar' is on his back...
he's in the dirt...
Mr. Official? What's the call?....

Marmel

08-12-2003, 09:55 AM

Touchdown. DAMN! :(

illinifan999

08-12-2003, 10:57 AM

That's just not right. Doesn't this fall under cruel and unusual punishment?

Swaggs

08-12-2003, 12:05 PM

wow....

korme

08-12-2003, 12:14 PM

#1 pick, #1 pick i got the #1 pick

Marmel

08-12-2003, 12:45 PM

Damn does ESPN suck. Right at the crutial moment, they stop broadcasting? Those bastards!

Marmel

08-12-2003, 12:46 PM

dola....

He obviously got into the endzone, otherwise rev would have told us he was stopped and that we are heading for OT, and then left it at that. Right?

Am I reading too far into this?

Katon

08-12-2003, 12:53 PM

Or he could be trying to make you think that, so that the revelation of OT comes as that much more of a shock and we get multiple cliffhangers. Who knows?

Now hurry up and tell us the score.

Marmel

08-12-2003, 01:10 PM

Originally posted by Katon
Or he could be trying to make you think that, so that the revelation of OT comes as that much more of a shock and we get multiple cliffhangers. Who knows?

Now hurry up and tell us the score.

Or...

He could be trying to make me think that he is using reverse psychology so I would think it is going into overtime, but in reality it was a touchdown.

Yeah, hurry up and tell us the damn score! :D

illinifan999

08-12-2003, 01:22 PM

Or Steele fumbled the ball and it was returned for a TD by Knoxville?! :mad:

Or there was a holding penalty?

Or it goes to OT but we lose cause my kicker's name is "Little Foot"?

Or a comet hits the earth and since LA won their game before the apocalypse they are given the title?

korme

08-12-2003, 02:15 PM

Or everyone suffers from a terrible case of amnesia (except for Shorty who was holed up coincidentally in his 'amnesia proof' house), and when everyone has forgotten who was dominant, Shorty reminds all that the Chaps are champs?

illinifan999

08-12-2003, 02:20 PM

Now that's just crazy talk.

Coffee Warlord

08-12-2003, 02:23 PM

No, Crazy Talk is over there.

JeeberD

08-12-2003, 03:20 PM

Still no outcome?

Woohoo! I've got the #2 pick! :)

revrew

08-12-2003, 04:00 PM

Originally posted by Marmel
Or...

He could be trying to make me think that he is using reverse psychology so I would think it is going into overtime, but in reality it was a touchdown.

Yeah, hurry up and tell us the damn score! :D

Y'know what I think. I think it was all a 'JR' Ewing dream sequence. Knoxville wins, 42-14. That's my theory anyways, but....

Oh. Wait a minute. I don't have to theorize. I know!

Well, in that case...

revrew

08-12-2003, 04:00 PM

TOUCHDOWN!!!! Chicago wins, 42-35!

Chicago's defense won the Eagles their first championship; Offense wins them their second! Congratulations, illinifan.

This season's championship was decided back in week 3 when Chicago beat L.A., 14-7, thus giving the Eagles the tiebreaker over the Stars. The final standings, put in the correct order (thus, the opposite of next season's draft order):

Chicago Eagles: 9-2
L.A. Stars: 9-2
Albuquerque Isotopes: 8-3
San Antonio Margaritas: 8-3
Knoxville Rednecks: 7-4
Milwaukee Muscle Men: 7-4
Birmingham Olympians: 6-5
Portland Sea Biscuits: 5-6
Fargo Fighting Crawfish: 3-8
Little Rock Slick Willies: 2-9
El Paso Busters: 2-9
Cincinnati Chaps: 0-11

Incredible, incredible year, gentlemen. What a battle, right down to the finish. And I love it when there are no undefeated teams, where it's almost anybody's game, right down to the end.

We've got some year end fun to clean up now...awards and honors, the pro-bowl, etc. Injury reports, progression, and draft to follow. Great season, guys.

rjolley

08-12-2003, 04:06 PM

Congrats to Chicago. Good luck to the rest of the league next year.

DolphinFan1

08-12-2003, 04:17 PM

Hey, we got 7 wins. I'll bet when we finished 0-9 in our 1st season, no one thought we would ever get 7 wins. We were that bad. But I will take this team to the Championship, maybe even next season.

Swaggs

08-12-2003, 04:40 PM

Congrats i-fan, for beating that loser Marmel.

Marmel

08-12-2003, 04:56 PM

Excellent sportsmanship there Swaggsy. ;)

How could I complain, up until this year the LA Stars won a total of 5 games (give or take 1) in the history of this franchise, and now we go 9-2 and were literally inches away from a championship.

Look out next year, and awesome job illinifan. You deserved this season!

illinifan999

08-12-2003, 05:08 PM

I don't know Marm I'd say that you mighta deserved it a little more. i already gotta ring, you're gonna be one of the team's to beat next season.

Now to look to see who I can trade for draft picks. ;)

Coffee Warlord

08-12-2003, 05:10 PM

I seem to be the pariah of mediocrity here. This must change. :)

sachmo71

08-12-2003, 11:44 PM

Nice to see LA on the rise. I'm ready to hear a word of praise from the Eagles front office, because that rookie offensive seems to have helped out. :D

digamma

08-13-2003, 08:55 AM

Congrats illini. Sorry Marmel, the Necks did their best, but it wasn't enough to beat the dreaded Eagles.

illinifan999

08-13-2003, 12:31 PM

Oh yeah sorry I forgot ya sachmo. Without that first pick, who knows what woulda happened. ;)

tucker342

08-13-2003, 04:49 PM

Just got caught up, amazing season! Congrats Illinifan!:D

NevStar

08-13-2003, 04:59 PM

Booo, Chicago!

Er, I mean... congrats illini.

revrew

08-14-2003, 10:21 AM

Season End Stats and Awards

Passing Leaders:
Moe Sizzlack - AQ (New record)
'Thumbless' Jackson - KX
Mike Marino - CH

Passing TD Leaders:
Moe Sizzlack - AQ (New record)
'Thumbless' Jackson - KX
Paddy O'Leary - PT

Passing Efficiency Leaders:
Mike Marino - CH
'Thumbless' Jackson - KX
Moe Sizzlack - AQ

Rushing Leaders:
Rajah Saleem - LR (New record)
Glutton for Punshment - FG
Randy Steele - CH

Rushing TDs:
Rajah Saleem - LR
Randy Steele - CH
Glutton for Punishment - FG

Receiving Yards:
'JJ' Jackson - KX
The Cheat - AQ
Quagmire - AQ

Receiving TDs:
The Cheat - AQ
'JJ' Jackson - KX
Quagmire - AQ

Pancake Blocks:
Tom Sanders - CH
Fort Sumter Jackson - KX
Erik Flamebeard of the Neither Here nor There - PT

Tackles:
Ray Lewis - SA
Brad Pitt - LA
Superman - MW

Sacks:
Rocky - MW
All Pro - SA
Brad Pitt - LA

INTs:
Troy McClure - AQ
Odysseus - BH
He's Not JeeberD - MW

ZFL All-Pro First Team
QB: Moe Sizzlack - AQ
HB: Rajah Saleem - LR
FB: Bulldozer - MW
WR: Jackson Jackson - KX
WR: Manfred von Richthofen - PT
OT: Freddie Prinze, Jr. - LA
OT: Ralph Wiggum - AQ
OG: Tom Sanders - CH
OG: Erik Flamebeard of the Neither Here nor There - PT

DT: Ed Norton - LA
DT: Hera - BH
DE: All Pro - SA
DE: Rocky - MW
MLB: Brad Pitt - LA
OLB: Superman - MW
S: Tory McClure - AQ
CB: He's Not JeeberD - MW

K: Bruce Handily - MW

ZFL All-Pro Second Team
QB: 'Thumbless' Jackson - KX
HB: Randy Steele - CH
FB: Metalhead - SA
WR: The Cheat - AQ
WR: Jet - CH
OT: Groundskeeper Willie - AQ
OT: Poseidon - CH
OG: Fort Sumter Jackson - KX
OG: Goliath - MW

DT: SackU - SA
DT: Colonel Joseph C. McCormick III - PT
DE: Toby McGwire - LA
DE: Another Atlantis - BH
MLB: Ray Lewis - SA
OLB: Trev Alberts - EP
S: Odysseus - BH
CB: Paul Sorvino - LA

K: *Capital City Goofball - AQ

Additional Honors

Offensive Player of the Year: Moe Sizzlack - AQ
Offensive Lineman of the Year: Tom Sanders - CH
Defensive Player of the Year: Brad Pitt - LA

Offensive Rookie of the Year.....(the closest and most divided vote in ZFL history for any award category. AQ WR Quagmire, LA OT Matthew McConaughey, and KX HB Leon Jackson split it nearly 3-way. Eventual winner....) Leon Jackson - KX
Defensive Rookie of the Year: Brian Bosworth - EP

League MVP: Brad Pitt - LA